How to Reinvent Your Life After 40 Without Starting Over | EP 85

Speaker A: Self care is eating the right foods so that you're strong, building muscle so that you're strong. You know, reading a book so that you're informed about things and you're growing your mind. And, you know, um, one time a friend laughed at me and my husband because we go to breakfast and we take a crossword puzzle. And it was like, why would you take a crossword puzzle? And I'm like, well, we do the puzzle together. Because doing that puzzle opens up a bunch of areas for conversation. I've been married 40 years. What do you think? I don't know about how his day is going or what? He doesn't know about how my day is going. What do you think? We don't know about what each other are doing, but we've added novelty into something.

Speaker B: Life has a funny way of forcing us to stop and ask a question we spend years avoiding. Is this really the life I want? Sometimes that question comes after a health scare. Sometimes it's after losing someone. Sometimes after decades of building a career that longer fulfills us. Today's guest believes something I couldn't agree with more. Your life isn't divined by your worst chapter. It's defined by whether you're willing to write another one. Let's get into it. Welcome back to the Perpetual Growth podcast. I'm, um, your host, Zach Palmer. This show is all about helping you grow in your business, your health, your relationships, your mindset, and ultimately the legacy you leave behind. Today's guest is someone who's proof that reinvention doesn't have an expiration date. Jeannie Fares is a best selling author, certified health and wellness coach, entrepreneur, founder of Sage Lifestyle Press, and a leukemia survivor. After building a successful career as a cpa, Jeannie completely reinvented her life to get it, dedicating herself to helping women over 40 build strength, longevity, confidence, and purpose. Through her books, coaching, and publishing company, she's helped thousands realize the next chapter of life doesn't have to be smaller. It can actually become the best one yet. Jeanne, welcome to the show.

Speaker A: Hi, Zach. Thank you so much. M. I'm very happy to be here.

Speaker B: Uh, absolutely. I'm excited to dive in with you, Jeannie. Now, Jeanne, you reinvented yourself several times. Cpa, entrepreneur, author, publisher, coach. You know, if someone met you 30 years ago, which version of Jeanne would surprise the most?

Speaker A: I think Introvert Genie.

Speaker B: Really? Okay, that's what I wouldn't expect. Really? Tell us more.

Speaker A: Well, I mean, actually, CPA wasn't my first invention. Um, I got married Very young, out of high school, had two children, was, uh, a stay at home mom. And I never, uh, graduated or I graduated from college when I was in my late 20s and then started my CPA career. So I had this whole other life first. And even then I knew I wanted to do something, um, something different. But when I was in school and I graduated with my, um, my bachelor's in accounting, I was voted most likely to start their own firm. Um, so I think the way people saw me as someone that goes and gets what they want is, is accurate. But inside there is this person going, oh, what am I doing? I can't do this. M. So I think a lot of what we do is we, uh, we don't listen to that voice and we say, I'm going to do it anyway. It might work out, it might not, but at least I won't question whether I tried. Um, so, yeah, I was a CPA for a lot of years, and I went back and got my mba. And again, that was that little voice saying, hmm, you know, I need more credential to feel worthy.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: And so, um, and then about, uh, eight years ago, um, I was diagnosed with leukemia. And, um, it really knocked the wind out of my sails because I've always been into health and wellness. Matter of fact, when I got diagnosed, I was two courses away from finishing a master's in nutrition because I thought being a nutritionist, which is something I'd always loved, would be my next career. And, uh, I never finished because I got busy with other things. But anyway, um, I asked my doctor, I'm like, you know, how did I get cancer? I am the healthiest person I know.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: And he said, well, by virtue of the fact that you, um, are so healthy, you don't have high blood pressure, you're not overweight, you know, all these things that happen to us in midlife. He said, you know, you'll be able to withstand the harshest treatment and, you know, likely be a candidate for a better outcome. And that sentence really, uh, hit me m in the heart because I thought, okay, if I'm going to die from this, it's not going to be because I didn't do everything I could to stay alive. So in the hospital, I made myself get out of bed at 7am every morning. I didn't get back in the bed till 7pm if I needed to take a nap, I did it by the window. I read, I listened to music, I crocheted. Um, you know, when you have leukemia, you don't have an Immune system. So I didn't have a lot of visitors. I had to amuse myself. Um, and, you know, I, like I sometimes say, you know, cancer made my life so much better because it really opened that door to a new reinvention. And what I always have loved is coaching. Because even as a CPA in a large firm, you know, your job is to develop the next level of people coming behind you. So I always had people that I develop and, and it's so gratifying because I still have, um, people that I coached and worked with 20 years ago call me. Um, not too long ago, a gal called me and she's like, oh, Jeannie, I want to take you to lunch. You know, you gave me the best advice. And I'm like, oh, crap, what did I tell her? And, you know, we went to lunch and, and I had encouraged her to get her mba, um, even though she was pregnant, you know, I told her, you know, don't let that, you know, if you're, if you're able to, don't let that get in your way. And it has really helped her career bloom. Um, so coaching seemed very, a natural transition for me. And so I thought, well, you know, uh, being very data driven person as a cpa, I wanted to learn everything I didn't already know. And so I started writing books and researching. And I'm, uh, really proud to say that my, um, my first book on fitness, which is, um, uh, the Beginner's Guide to Strength Training for women over 50, has sold over 10,000 copies. And, uh, the messages I get around that book are amazing because women don't think when they get to midlife that they can start doing these things because, you know, they're doing everything else. They've got, you know, kids, maybe they're a little older in college, they've got, you know, a partner or they've got a home, they've got a career, they've got aging parents and, and they're putting themselves last on the list. And my whole contention is if you want to show up for all those other things that you love, you better put yourself first 100%. And so I spend a lot of time with that mindset shift. Um, so while I do coach women on, you know, losing weight and eating better and the exercises they need to do, um, it really is, you know, do you want to be the engineer of your life? Do you want to be the architect? And if so, we need to sit down and figure out what the vision is. You know, you look and say, you know, what is the ultimate vision? Like when I look out into the future, if my life were exactly how I wanted it to be. And then once you get to that piece, it's like, okay, let's take a step back. Where can we get in three months to get to that three month spot? Where can we get in a month to get to that one month spot? What do we need to do this week? And, um, I find that when we do that, it opens it up for people to see these transitions for themselves because they can say, this isn't so overwhelming. And especially with, you know, when you start getting a lot of information from, you know, sound bites, uh, and, you know, you know, your scroll in the morning and that sort of thing, it's like, oh, eat more protein. Okay, I gotta run and eat more protein. And then it's like, oh, I gotta lift heavy. Oh, I better run and lift heavy. And then before you know it, you're doing all this disparate stuff and you're not getting anywhere. And so I like to roll it back and say, you know, this is a marathon, not a sprint. This is for your longevity. And, yeah, we may want to look better in 30 days or fit into a dress for a wedding in 30 days. And that's important. But how we feel in 30 years, and that, that walk to 30 years is important today too. Um, and I think, you know, for everyone, I mean, not just women, I mean, I focus primarily on women because that's what I know. Um, but, you know, it's actually nice. Is one of the ladies I coach. She started working with me and then she's so excited because now her husband is going to the gym with her and doing the nightly walk together and looking at the diet together. And so I kind of feel like, oh, now I'm a relationship counselor.

Speaker B: Um,

Speaker A: one more thing I can add to my repertoire. Um, so anyway, I just, I think there, you know, there it doesn't have to be overwhelming to, you know, make your life different. And, you know, I know everyone's not going to have a health crisis like I did. And I am eight years cured now. Uh, and that's. I'll just take a little side story there. I didn't grow up with an especially great family, uh, of origin. I'm very close to my younger brother. And he got tested to see if he was a match because the cure for leukemia, the one that I have, was a bone marrow transplant, stem cell transplant, and he wasn't a match. And then I called my sister who, um, I'm not very close with him. She's seven years older than me. We didn't really kind of grow up together. And she wasn't a match. And I'm thinking, well, does anyone have Mark's phone number? Right. You know, because the best match is a sibling. And, um. And everybody was like, no, we haven't talked to him in years. And, you know, this is where the universe opens up and just shines on you. I'm in the hospital three weeks. I'm sicker than a dog. I open my computer for the first time, and 23andMe sends me a message, and it says, you have a new relative. I'm like, oh, okay. I click on it, and it's my brother Mark.

Speaker B: Wow.

Speaker A: And so I write to him through the system. Hey, long time, no talk. You know, would you get tested? And he said, of course I would. You didn't even have to ask. You should have just said, come down here and do it. So anyway, there's a little bit of a process to all of this, and so that eventually happened. And, um. And, you know, I mean, it's just. It's amazing when you open yourself up to the possibilities in your life, what will come to you. And it's not, um, it's not difficult. I have currently, you know, a few things going on that are very exciting, but yesterday I was feeling like this is like. Like I'm getting a little overwhelmed. And I'm sitting in the car before I go into, um, a meeting, and I open my TikTok, and the first thing that comes up is this. This video of a man. And he says, you, you know, everything is going to be okay is the words on the screen. And I was like, really? You just have to open yourself up to the messages. And they come. And as soon as soon as I heard that, it was like I could feel in my body, you know, if you. If you know anything about somatic practice, Right. It's like you. You focus on how your body feels because your brain's going to get in the way of all of that.

Speaker B: Worst enemy.

Speaker A: Exactly. I mean, and so I just sort of let myself, you know, take that message and feel it. And it was like the rest of my day, I was just hopping along, and I made so many good decisions yesterday about, okay, I don't want to be overwhelmed by this, so let's rearrange some things. Why am I pushing on that so hard? Um, this is where my focus should be. And anyway, that's what I do with people, is I try to help them get out of their head, into their heart, and open to what they can receive and not to be afraid. Um, so. And all of that really is. I mean, I wasn't joking. I am an introvert. So, um, but I think people, uh, misconstrue extrovert and introvert. So an introvert is someone who, you know, recharges by, you know, peace and quiet and being alone as we're. An extrovert loves people. I mean, my husband is an extrovert, and I think that we. I think we were married 15 years before we ever took a vacation, just the two of us. I mean, I literally think there were friends that came to Hawaii with us on our honeymoon. Um, because my husband loves people. He loves people all the time. I mean, I. I have so many people in and out of my house all the time. I mean, that's a whole nother podcast, how to manage your husband. But anyway, yeah, I mean, it's possible. And I think if it's possible for me, it's possible for everyone. I'm not special, you know, Um, I love.

Speaker B: There's so much to unpack your genie. I, um. Yeah, I was joke. I don't. I. I haven't decided if I'm the most extroverted introvert you'll ever meet or the most introverted extrovert. I haven't quite figured it out yet because I feel like I recharge in both scenarios. It kind of depends on what's happening in life, too. I. I love that you talk about the somatic practices which plays into the very beginning of the conversation, and thinking about these different stages of life and transitions and know, trusting what's going on internally. I have a background in health and wellness. It's been 17 years in the industry, and, um, took my education like you to extreme likes, because the, you know, the biggest thing I realized in the beginning was, you know, I could be an absolute expert in. In all things health and wealth and. And fitness and movement. And the main point was that wasn't the thing that got most people's way. It was this. It's the power of the mind, the thoughts, the stories that we tell ourselves. And also, so many people, to your point, are thinking in the short term, which I'm like, hey, that could be a great catalyst for change, but why not build this as a lifestyle? You know, how do you want to look, feel, move when you're 60, 80, 120 years old? Because I plan to live until at least 120, so. And I. There's so Many things I want to unpack. I don't even know where to start. I want to go back to the life transition side of things. I also like the fact that you talked about, you know, health and then this really evolves into there's a relationship coaching and dynamics. I found the same thing through the health and wellness industry. We're just as much therapists as anything else. Much um, better to be trained and have a background in that context too. Which is why I dove so deep into behavioral psychology. But when you think about these life changes, and I think one thing that can be scary or uncertain, I would imagine for so many people is we're, you know, many people are, I always say our bodies are always trying to tell us the stories. Most people just aren't listening. Right. And that can come back to that somatic component, that can come back to dietary and movement related things that we need to shift and move. But, but when we think about is, is in the, from the frame of, um, significant life changes, career changes, um, any, you know, potentially divergence in our, in our path, I would have to imagine that for many people and because I talk about this all the time, like there's the, there's the devil we know. And most people are more willing to face the discomfort of the devil they know than the one they don't. Even though the one they don't, albeit it carries a tremendous amount of uncertainty, is the thing that also has the greatest potential to create real fulfillment. And I would imagine that for many individuals that, you know, imagine you're in a career and you've got, you know, a fantastic income, so you've got that certainty. But now at the same time, you know, you're just miserable in that role in career. But how do you navigate a life challenge like that where it's like I, you know, we can't afford to live without that income, but I can't afford to spend the rest of my life here in miserable. How do you bridge, how would you coach somebody through bridging one of those gaps? Because they're both very real.

Speaker A: They're extremely real. And I mean, and I, I found myself in that situation too. I mean, for a long time I didn't hate being a CPA and I made a very good income.

Speaker B: Mhm.

Speaker A: And, and I often thought about doing other things. You know, that's why I was working on my master's degree while I was still working. Because it's like, you know, I really want to do this other stuff. That's what's going to feed my soul. Right, yeah. Uh, but the thought of leaving your income and that's why I think it's almost easier to do when you're a little older because it's like, okay, I know I'm going to retire soon and then, you know, I'll have this opening to do these other things. But you know, getting sick really pushed that for me. It opened the door. And so I understand really clearly that fear of I can't make a change because I can't live without that income. And you know, sometimes there's things you need to work around. Um, you know, maybe you can do some stuff on the side part time. I mean my daughter and I owned a hair salon together, um, while I worked full time. Um, my daughter was the head stylist and ran the creative side of it, I ran the business side of it and um, we actually a top 200 salon for two years in a row in Salon Today magazine. Anyway, um, so I found ways to do other things that excited me that you know, uh, and really it was the entrepreneurship that excited me more than you know, a salon. Um, but you know, I had the operations person there so that made it easier. Um, but you know, where there's a will, there's a way. And I think if you sit down and a lot of it depends too on the support you have around you. You know, I mean if you're working a career and you know, you have a partner and they're not supportive of you making a change, um, then that's going to be really hard. And so that's something that has to be worked through first. Um, and I actually just found this out about my, my son in law. My son in law was ah, an RN and you know, did very well. He was a, um, an emergency room and icurn and was really loved that. But my, they went on a vacation and they were in Nepal and my son in law just loves nature. And he said, you know, if I was really doing what I love to do, I would do something with the environment. And my daughter said to him, well then you should do that. And so they took a step back in their financial, you know, growth and security so that he could go back to school and get a master's in environmental science. And now he just adores what he does matter. He's got, he's a, his specialty is in birds and he's got birds now tattooed on most of his body. The parts I've seen. Um, anyway, um, so I think that's the first thing you know that you have to do is you have to have support of some sort. You know, you need to have. You can't be doing something if you've got, um, something big pulling you back. But that doesn't mean you can never do it. It means we start to work on how do we arrange that. Maybe you need to wait for that child to get out of high school, or maybe you need to really sit with your partner or whatever and. And come to, um, a meeting of the minds, you know, and that. That's kind of a different thing. But let's say you've got all that past you, and it's just you want to get past the fear. For me, it's like, I don't want fear to guide my life, and I'm not a person that would jump out of an air bungee jump or anything. And fear is a really big thing for me. And, you know, lack of security is a huge thing for me. And in my mind, when I was a cpa, that that paycheck meant security. But, you know, I mean, I guess, to answer your question, it's. It's really very individual because we have to identify what the fear is. Because in some cases, the fear, which I didn't realize for me was, oh, that lack of, uh, authority. Like, oh, I'm a cpa. I have a certain amount of, I, uh, don't know, prestige or whatever you want to call it around that. Um, and then when I stopped doing that, I'm like, oh, what am I? Who am I? And so we work a lot on that. Who am I? What am I? What do I really want? How do I make the changes I want without, you know, jumping off the deep end and doing something foolish, you know, because. Because that's the other side of it, you know. You know, there's measured ways to do things. And I think my, you know, my background in, you know, in finance and accounting helps me think of more measured ways to do things. And, I mean, even in health and, um, um, wellness. I started coaching a woman who we knew she had a surgery coming up, so she wanted to lose 35 pounds. I knew I could. I didn't want to start her on some, you know, big, you know, regimen of strength training, knowing she would then have to, like, stop it for a month, because I felt like that would be, like, you know, psychologically, I think that would be, like, hard. So I said, well, let's just start with the nutrition piece, because you got to eat regardless, right? And so we started with the nutrition piece and Even now, she's just been cleared for, um, exercise. She's lost 20 pounds of her 35 pound goal just by making nutritional changes and nutritional changes that haven't been, you know, throw everything in your kitchen out and start over and eat this every day. Because I don't believe in that. I believe in it has to fit into your lifestyle so people don't take. I don't think coaching should come in and replace your life. I think coaching should help you manage the life you have.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: And you do that. Then I think also it's easier to find those, those avenues where you can make these reinventions.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: And it depends, sorry. It also kind of depends on how, uh, miserable, uh, you are. You're like, if you're really unhappy with where you are, then, yeah, then we need to make a more direct change. But if it's, oh, I've got them, um, I kind of want to do this. I'm not sure. I'm a little bit scared. Those are easier transitions to work through.

Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. There's again, a lot to unpack there. I mean, yeah, we have so many, uh, philosophies that run in parallel. I mean, that's the same thing in the health wellness industry. I'm like, look, we got, you know, you've got your, your physical fitness. Uh, well, let's look at it this way. Is more, um, structural, you know, muscles weightlifting, there's dynamic training. We've got the cardiovascular system, there's nutrition, hydration, sleep, balance, flexibility, mobility, recovery, like all these things. I'm like, let's start with the one thing, you know what, what's the lowest hanging fruit that's going to give us the greatest return that you can most simply integrate and create that habit around. And the thing that tends to happen for most people is when we start building momentum, we spool up that flywheel organically, we'll start going, hey, this feels pretty good. What can I do to add on to it? So I think that's, uh, I love your mindset and philosophy is, you know, I say it's like, you know, we always starting small doesn't mean we're playing small. Any house, we build that house one brick at a time. Most people are trying to reinvent the whole system at once. And then sometimes we do have these life changes that are major catalyzing events and they can be a real gift and blessing because we're able to go through a harder reset. Uh, it's the career side that I still find so fascinating because to your point, there's, there's a multitude of things that play into it. If you have a spouse or significant other, are they supportive? I mean, your daughter's response made me want to tear up. I'm like, what? Uh, that tells me immediately about her and their relationship dynamic. That's not an easy decision to make. And for her to just immediately say that while they're on vacation, I mean, that's amazing. What an incredible support system. Great example of how, how we should, what we should all strive for in our relationships. And then even for your son in law to take that step back and pursue it, I mean, that takes courage, which is amazing. And now he seems a lot happier, more fulfilled, I mean, even more than before. And I think one of the things that's so interesting is people also don't know what they want. Or maybe we get. Do you believe it's possible to get too specific sometimes? Like, I love business and I love people and I think sometimes it's really easy to get an idea of our head of like that thing that we want to do and. But maybe there's a more global opportunity around it. Like I could say that, like, I want to go build this specific business in this specific industry, but if we're more receptive to the opportunities that God, the universe, whatever your belief system are providing, like, is it really that specific business and industry or is it that you love putting that infrastructure in place, that you love building and developing the people around you, can you find fulfillment in that process and not necessarily that specific industry or outcome? Like, what would you say to that, that harmony? Do you find that to be more true or is it really more like, this is the thing that I want to be focused on at this point in life? Or maybe is it both?

Speaker A: Well, ah, I tend to agree with you. I don't like to say, um, I think you need to be clear on your intentions and your goals. So if your intention is, I want to make a change so you know, so that I'm more fulfilled and these are things I think will make me more fulfilled. You know, having more time with my family, um, making more money, um, being more fit, you know, publishing a book, starting a course, creating a podcast. These are things I think if you get yourself in the rabbit hole of. You have to have all of the pieces, all the puzzle pieces together before you start. You're never going to start, right? Get yourself some puzzle pieces that have a similar color to them. M. And then start. Because once you start, you're going to find new avenues that you didn't even know were open to you. So when I first wrote my book, I never thought about, you know, courses or doing speaking engagements and podcasts and you know, and the other things I never thought about going on Tick Tock and doing videos. I just thought, oh, I'm going to write a book and you know, hopefully it'll help people. And then, you know, little by little, things come to you and, or people say, oh, you know, you are you doing this? And you're like, oh no, maybe I should do that. And then you say, oh, let's set some goals around that. And it really is like a blooming flower. Right. I mean, I think that if you get too granular, you're going to lose focus, you're going to lose the bigger picture. And like I said before, we start off with that. If you had this vision in the future, what would it look like? Goal setting is kind of weird because, you know, we say we want our goals to be specific and measurable and all of this, and they do need to be that. But the whole plan doesn't have to be, you know, a blueprint, a finished blueprint before you start.

Speaker B: Mhm.

Speaker A: And those goals need to start small. And that's why we kind of bring it back to what's my goal for this week? Yeah, my goal for this week doesn't look like anything related to my five year goal because it's a, ah, one tiny granule piece of what's going to get me and keep me on that path. Where I do think people need to be granular is when they decide the audience they want to serve or if they want that kind of career. You can't be all things to all people.

Speaker B: 100% number one, biggest mistake people make in business.

Speaker A: Right. So figure out the person that you want to help and then speak to that person.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: And only that person. And by speaking to that person you're going to end up speaking to, you know, a broader range.

Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I, I wholeheartedly agree with that philosophy. I made that mistake in my early years of business because I love people and I love, I meant I'm like, I can help everybody in the health of wellness industry, but you realize very quickly you cast a wide net. You're going to catch a lot of stuff that you don't want as much as what you do. And in most cases you're not going to catch enough at all. Where if we can have a clear and consistent message speaking to that ideal client that's a perfect fit for you. Things are going to resonate and other things aren't. And that's a great thing because we don't want to have to work with those individuals. So it's perfect. They're going to be a better fit for somebody else. I love that concept and message. You know, one of your missions is, is helping women realize that getting older doesn't mean getting weaker. Why do you think that we've accepted that myth for so long?

Speaker A: Um, it's so funny. My husband loves movies, and he often picks these movies that are, you know, 20 or 30 years old and the roles that women played. We actually just watched Muriel's Wedding. I don't know if you know that movie. It's quite old. And I'm, um, watching the way the dad in the movie spoke to the mother and spoke to the kids. And I thought, I mean, it was really painful for me even in some ways, because I remember that kind of from my childhood.

Speaker B: Oh, yeah.

Speaker A: And so I think, uh, for a long time, you know, women were put sort of, you know, in a role. And because they didn't have the career opportunities, you know, they accepted that role. And, um, then we pass, you know, we may not pass things down to our children, um, you know, consciously, but by seeing how your parents interact or even intrinsically, memory, you absorb some of that. And so when I'm coaching my daughters who are in their 40s, it's actually a lot easier because they have a different, um, Persona of themselves. They've seen enough women above them in career or whatever they're doing, so they have role models. But a lot of women my age, all of our role models were mentioned. It's difficult because I think the younger generation of men are way more, um, involved as well. And so I think things are getting better in that respect. But one of you know, it's kind of funny because I do a little set of gift books, and one of the books I did was, ah, 101 things to love about your 60s. And that book was doing so crazy well. And people kept, like, responding to, oh, my. I found myself in number 42. That was just so me. And it was really. It's really about this, you know, be who you want to be. You know, you're a whole person. You're not an appendage of something else. And so I thought about, well, maybe I'll do one for 70s. And I did. And it's. It outsells the 60s one. And I'm like. Because there are women out there in their 70s that are still vibrant and Alive. And they want to work on this mindset. They want to work on their longevity. They want to, you know, eat well and exercise and show up. Um, I mean, I. I play pickleball every Monday with a group of ladies. And, you know, some of them, I don't. I. I assume. I don't know specifically how old they are, but I feel like they're, you know, 10 years older than I am, maybe 15, and they are just knocking it out of the park in there. And it's so motivating. And one of the things I hear a lot from women is, well, I'm. I don't want to go to the gym, but what are people. What. Everyone's going to look at me, and I said, let me tell you something, Gym people are the nicest people you're ever going to meet.

Speaker B: Yeah, it's the irony.

Speaker A: And when you go into that gym and they see a person that's older in the gym, you have just motivated them. You have told them, you, uh, know, that's what I want, to keep doing this. And so you have so much more power than you think you have. And we need to be alert to that power, because if we're not, then we may be sending the wrong messages, like the messages from the movie, because the mom didn't see any power in herself, and you could see then in the children, they felt like they didn't have any power. So once you're in a certain age group and, you know, you're like, okay, I do see, I have power, and I can make decisions, and, and, and I can achieve my goals, and I'm not too old to achieve goals. My feeling is, you know, I'm not dead yet. I'm going to keep achieving until I am. Um, then, you know, your whole Persona changes, and you become a influencer to the people around you, and you don't even know it, you know, and that's a great feeling to know that you are positively impacting other people. You know, a lot of people say, well, you know, you want to be young for your grandkids. And I love that. If you have grandkids and you want to be young for them. I don't have grandkids, and my kids don't want kids. And, you know, I always say I'm fine with that. You know, kids, grandkids are something to worry about and spend money on, and I don't need either one of those things. But, you know, it's not just grandkids, you know, And I think when we see women in midlife we think, oh, a lot of people, that's the first thing they ask me when they meet me. Oh, do you have grandchildren? I run a business. I do this, I do that. And so I want to travel and I want to be able to pick up my own suitcase and put it in the overhead bin by myself. Um, you know, I want to continue to do sports, which I believe you need a foundation and strong muscle in order to be able to do this. And so I want women to see themselves as more than, um, I'm somebody's mom, I'm m. Somebody's grandma. Those are fantastic things to be and so important. But that isn't your whole self. There's so much more to you.

Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, I wholeheartedly agree. I mean, I think that's, um, an interesting conversation in and of itself because. Why do you think so many people arrive at retirement only to realize they have no idea who they are? And they are.

Speaker A: Yeah, because, well, and it, it's kind of like, uh, it's all the same symptom, right? The empty nest syndrome. The retiree that, you know, dies shortly after retirement. Because they don't. Because you haven't developed all these other things to fulfill your life. So maybe it's not even that. I want to make a complete overhaul of my life. You know, my, my five year vision might be that I retire, uh, from my job and you know, I, I spend time fishing or whatever you, you, you want to do. But you're not going to wait till the day after you retire to learn how to fish. Right. Let's start doing that stuff ahead of time.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: If you want to be strong in retirement, don't wait till retirement to start getting to the gym or, you know, walking with your friends. If you want your mind to be sharp, don't wait till after you retire to make times to have a weekly game group or to read. So I do have another book called the Happy Retirement Bucket List Guidebook. I write about all the things I'm passionate about. And that book, huh, has nothing to do with taking that one giant trip, you know, that you've been saving for your whole life. It has to do with building hobbies and staying young and alert in midlife.

Speaker B: Um, I think it's more important than ever. That's where we can get the most disconnected. And especially when you're navigating kids and relationships and business and careers, it, ah, we can get so hyper fixated and focused on one thing that we forget to continue pursuing the things that actually fill Our cup. And then we're running around all day with an empty cup wondering why you feel exhausted, overwhelmed, unfulfilled. Uh, I mean, all the things. And it comes back to one of the first guiding principles. He said that you got to fill your cup first. You know, you have to focus on building yourself first and the things that make you happy.

Speaker A: You know, self care. You know, I think, uh, when we think of self care, when women think of self care, I think they think of, oh, getting a massage or going to get a facial, you know, or whatever. That's not self care. I mean, that's nice things to have. Self care is eating the right foods so that you're strong, building muscle so that you're strong. You know, reading a book so that, you know, you're, um, informed about things and you're growing your mind. And, you know, uh, one time a friend laughed at me and my husband because we go to breakfast and we take a crossword puzzle, and it was like, why would you take a crossword puzzle? And, um, I'm like, well, we do the puzzle together because doing that puzzle opens up a bunch of areas for conversation. I've been married 40 years. What do you think? I don't know about how his day is going or what. He doesn't know about how my day is going. What do you think? We don't know about what each other are doing, but we've added novelty into something. And when I go out to breakfast and I see couples sitting across from each other at all ages and they're just eating or looking at their phones, I'm in pain for them.

Speaker B: Oh, I agree.

Speaker A: Because it's like, okay, supposedly this is a person you want to be with. Let's take that as a given. Let's have a conversation with that person. Um, and it was really interesting because I recently, um, contributed to a book on gratitude and wrote a chapter. And my husband's a retired professor, and I wanted him to read my chapter before I turned it into the editor. And. And I handed to him, I said, don't grade it. Just read it. And he read it, and it was all about sort of the gratitude around my cancer journey. And when he got finished reading it, he said, I, uh, had no idea that's how you felt about this or this is what you were going through. And I was very grateful at that moment just to have been able to have that conversation with him, because it just opened up a new connection. And. And I think if you can find new connections at 40 years, then there's hope for the next, however many that we're given.

Speaker B: I don't want to get too deep into that counseling side of things that we were talking about at the beginning, but it's one of the things that I find so interesting is being a student. Behavioral psychology takes you down a lot of different paths. And when we start to, um, study different relationship dynamics and attachment styles, that's where this conversation gets really interesting. Because I feel like inherently everybody wants that connection, but there is some part of people that, you know, whether it's relative to trauma or whatever, they shut down various aspects of their body and, and mind. And that's where you see so much of that friction. Some of it's learned. It's defaulting to old patterns. I mean, you know, how would you invite, uh, maybe a couple, or maybe you're working with one of your clients and her husband's at, uh, avoidant attachment style, and she craves more than anything the connection and wants those deeper conversations. And this might be a very loaded and larger conversation, but, uh, you know, because you see that so often, it's not uncommon. And then, of course, we attract our. The opposite end of the great polarity nine times out of 10, whether that's healthy or not. And I'm going to leave that one at that. I'd be curious how you might respond to that, because there's a lot of depth to it.

Speaker A: Yeah, that, that, that's another episode. But, you know, the sad part is when you look at our current statistics, the greatest group, uh, of people getting divorced are seniors. And it's because while 1. I think because women can support themselves now, where that wasn't an option for my grandmother or my mother, um, you get married and it's like, it's not. Again, that's the beginning of a whole new thing. It's not where you want to be. And I think for a lot of people too, you know, it's like, I want to get married. I want to get married. I want to get married. Oh, I'm married. How much time did you spend before you got married making sure that, you know, you understood their love language and they understood your love language. And, you know, and so let's say you even did that. You married somebody and you have like, a great, um, you know, relationship, but you're going to change over time, and so you have to keep evolving. Um, and if your partner doesn't want to evolve, um, I don't know that, you know, if you're in a loving relationship, I think your partner does Want to involve, evolve. I think it's kind of the way that you can present it, um, to them. And, you know, there are ways to do that. And it's difficult, um, when you do have attachment issues, um, and dealing with attachment in relationships is then even harder because. And, and how your attachment, um, personality shows up in different relationships, you know, whether it be with your work people or your friends or your spouse or your kids, is all different. And that is, to me, a subject I think that everyone should read about. Uh, because, um, none of us get out of childhood unscathed, no matter how good your parents were. And I think if you read a little bit about it and you know, if you're in a loving relationship and you tell your significant other, look, this is important to me. Will you, will you work through this with me? That's a scary conversation to have because maybe the fear is they're going to say, you know, you're out of your mind, everything's fine, and whatever. Then again, you have to then look at, well, is this where I want to be? You know?

Speaker B: Yeah. Uh, I think it's very fair. It's one of those hard conversations. Because again, that's the devil we know.

Speaker A: It's the devil you know.

Speaker B: M. But it starts with having those hard conversations. As we wrap up today's episode. Imagine it's 100 years from now. Uh, none of your books remain. No interviews, no awards. I mean, the only thing left is the impact that you had on the lives of the people you served. What do you hope they would say about the way you help them live?

Speaker A: That I help them be more aware of what they wanted out of life and gave them the permission to seek that out.

Speaker B: Yeah, Yeah, I, ah, love that. I mean, if I, um, had to try and summarize today's conversation, which the operative word is going to be try here. I mean, a few of my big takeaways, which there are way too many, so my brain's having a hard time sorting at the moment. You know, one, I would say in my words, like your, your past explains you, but it doesn't define you.

Speaker A: Absolutely.

Speaker B: Strength is, isn't about appearance. I mean, that's a nice benefit, but it's really about preserving more freedom. Our capacity to do things that we want to do when we want to do them. The best time to reinvent yourself is, isn't when life is easy. It's when you've decided you're no longer willing to settle. Um, another. Pick one. I mean, health compounds. Exactly. Like wealth. Small daily Decisions become extraordinary outcomes over decades. And I think my last one would probably be. Your next chapter doesn't begin when the circumstances change. It begins when you decide to write it. Now, Jeanne, before we wrap up, tell everyone about, um, Save Sage Lifestyle Press your books where they can find your work, how our listeners can connect with you, and, um, we'll make sure we have everything in the show notes for you too.

Speaker A: Right. Um, if you go to my website, which is sage lifestylepress.com um, you'll be able to read about me. There's some of my podcast interviews on there. There's my, you know, bi, ah, weekly blog. Um, all my books are there. And, um, introduction to the, the courses that I do is, is there. So, um, and, um, you know, there is. Ah, and you'll put it in the show notes Five, uh, Steps to Confidence in Midlife. That's a, ah, free, um, booklet that everyone can get. But I would just like to offer, if anyone heard anything on this podcast and they'd like, you know, just a free coaching session with me, I'd be happy to speak with anyone, answer a few questions. If they wanted me to clarify something I said, I'm happy to do that. And, uh, there is a link in my website where they can book on my calendar.

Speaker B: Uh, that's an amazing gift. Thank you, Jeannie. I would strongly encourage our listeners to take advantage of that. That is not something you'll get presented with every day. Um, now, one of the biggest lies we tell ourselves is that it's too late. It's too late to get healthy, too late to change careers, too late to start the business, too late to write the book, too late to become the person you've always wanted to be. Today's conversation reminds us that none of that is really true. You know, the next chapter is still unwritten. Uh, Jeanne, thank you so much for joining and for the work that you're doing to help people live stronger, healthier, more intentional lives. And to everyone listening, you know, if today's conversation encouraged you, if it inspired you, challenged you, or reminded you that your best years may still be ahead, subscribe, leave a review, and until next time, remember, growth doesn't happen by chance. It happens by choice. Keep growing, keep learning, keep becoming. And, uh, only stops when you stop choosing it. Jeanne, thank you so much for joining us today. It was a pleasure having you and definitely look forward to having you back on another episode.