LeadHERship Unveiled - 3 of 4 Lili Udell Fiore, Lynn Wong, Susan Smalley, Cathy Derksen

Speaker A: Ideas, inspiration, innovation.

Speaker B: This is the game changer.

Speaker A: And now here's your host, Chickie Fitzgerald.

Speaker C: Good afternoon. Well, we have had a very full day today. Uh, this is our third. Third group of women who have contributed to a unique book called Lead Hership Unveiled. And no, I did not stutter on that. Uh, Lead Hership is actually part of the Leadership Global brand, which. Linda Fisk is the founder of that organization, and she and Kathy Dirksen, who's also one of the contributing authors, uh, helped to pull together this collaborative effort. And so we have a group of four women, again, including Kathy, who was instrumental in making this happen. We have them here today to talk about women leading with impact. And we have had just such an amazing day of walking through things like the imposter syndrome with the first group of women. I talked to the second group. We were really talking about the courage that it takes to stand up for yourself and to be who you are. And I cannot wait to see what this group comes up with. So we're going to start out just hearing a little bit about each woman. Uh, you're going to hear more about their backstory when they talk about their actual contribution to the book. So, Lily, you're up.

Speaker B: Oh, wow. Thanks so much. Thanks for having us. We're all so excited about this. This is such a fabulous opportunity and just an amazing, amazing. Leadership Global is a wonderful organization. I cannot say enough about Linda and the other women that are in it. If you are a woman and you are looking for your tribe, if I may use that euphemism, um, you cannot look. You don't need to look further than Leadership Global. It's an amazing group. There's so many wonderful women. You. There's always someone that knows something that you want to know and you can contact if you've got questions. It's phenomenal.

Speaker C: And we didn't even pay you to say that. No, um, you didn't. Anyway, Lily, tell us a little bit about where you live and, you know, kind of your. Just your. Your life again. I told you, it can be dogs, uh, cats, kids, husbands, whatever. Whatever you want to share with us.

Speaker B: Well, I'm in the middle of divorce number two, so it's ex husbands for me. Um, but we were married almost 24 years, and we get along great and life is good. And he raised my daughter, um, for my first marriage. So it's just people sometimes grow in different directions. And my different direction has taken me on a journey to have another whole career that I've built slowly, not knowing of course through my whole life. And that's where I'm at now, is my company. Much love, Lily. I wrote my book, Lily's Caregivers Guide, um, which is 560 pages.

Speaker C: Um, it most certainly is. And those of us who have been care caregivers understand why.

Speaker B: Exactly. Exactly. Um, so it's. I just feel like this whole journey and having the experience of writing the chapter was just so cathartic. As I'm coming up on my divorce, being final and learning how to uncouple, um, and also preparing for my daughter's wedding in August, um, with him. And we're both very excited about that. Um, so no dogs, no cats, no husband, but life is great.

Speaker C: Well, perfect, Lily, thank you so much. And again, that transparency is really foundational to what we're going to be talking about today. I am preparing for my daughter's wedding in November and, uh, a little bit more complicated. She's getting married in uk and so. Oh, wow. For the wedding dress shopping in three weeks, so.

Speaker B: Oh, that's wonderful.

Speaker C: I share your pain.

Speaker B: I'm going to Portland, Oregon, where they live in, uh, end of March to, uh, go wedding dress shopping. So send me tips, my friend.

Speaker C: Well, I will. And, uh, again, you told me you live in Leland, North Carolina.

Speaker B: Yes.

Speaker C: You're on the other side of the state from where all the devastation happened during the.

Speaker B: We are, yeah.

Speaker C: Horrible. Horrible. Yeah.

Speaker B: We've had our own devastation with other hurricanes, Florence in particular.

Speaker C: But, uh, I live in Tampa, Florida, so I think we. We.

Speaker B: You get it.

Speaker D: Yeah.

Speaker C: I've had 24 in the 24 years that I've lived here. Susan, how about if you go next?

Speaker E: Sure. Well, I am, um, Susan Smalley, and I live in the LA area, actually in Long Beach. And we've also had our fair share of disasters as of late. And fortunately, we're all safe here in Long Beach. But I've had lots of friends and colleagues, um, that have had, you know, lost everything. So it's been a really challenging beginning part of the year, definitely. So, um, what I wanted to share was that, um, as of this year, I've been in business for 10 years. In my own. I've worked in corporate for about 25, but I've had my own business for about 10. And where I really focus and, um, spend my time is working with leaders in organizations. I'm an executive coach. And what we know about leaders and organizations is that they are. They make the difference. Right. People join organizations. They lead. There's. And I would say in the. You know, 30 years that I've been working with leaders, nobody, almost no one wakes up in the morning and says, I want to go to work and be the worst leader I can be. And yet we hear employees, right? We hear from employees, oh my gosh, I have the worst leader ever. And so that gap is where I get to focus and really helping leaders understand, well, what does it actually mean to be a good leader? What should you be doing? Um, and then once you know it, how do you actually do it? And then how do we create the environment where you're supported? And where I've been focusing really heavily for the last five years is working with women leaders because we have a whole unique set of challenges and hurdles beyond what the typical leader has. And so, um, anyway, yeah, we're going

Speaker C: to get into that little.

Speaker E: We'll get into that, but yes, exactly.

Speaker C: All right. Lynn, how about you?

Speaker A: Hi, I am Lynn Wong, and I am a joyful Singaporean American, currently based with my husband and two cats in xna, the airport code for Northwest Arkansas in Fayetteville, the college town. Um, and for work, I get to lead trailblazers to gain energy to do

Speaker C: the work they love.

Speaker A: As a national board certified health and wellness coach and a career coach to the executive MBA students at the University of Arkansas. I get to help everybody, including myself when I own my trailblazing habits. Uh, my husband, who is an active, uh, entrepreneur in our community, uh, and really the clients I get to work with who sometimes go from high achieving to overachieving, and that's when they, uh, end up meeting with me to step into powerful pause and return to self care. Um, I really do get to enjoy the, the work I do. And similar, um, to what Lily mentioned about the thread that has been in her career or Susan, you know, from being in corporate to then working in her own business and leading leaders, um, it's no wonder I got invited to this group. So sharing the journey and excited to, uh, unfold more.

Speaker C: Well, can't wait to hear more. Kathy, how about you?

Speaker D: Yeah, I am on the west coast of Canada, so near Vancouver. I'm one of the token Canadians in the leadership global community and I have a cat and a dog and my daughter got married in November, so I just went through all that. And, uh, but she's still living with me because they're still figuring out where they're moving to. So it's been a strange situation. But, and, and yeah, and I have been through a couple of major complete career changes. So my original career was in medical genetics. So 25 years, I worked mainly in hospital labs and public education. And then, uh, around. I guess around 2010, I hit a time in my life when I realized that this was not the path that I was meant to be on forever. And so I left that behind. And all I really knew for sure is that I wanted to do things that really helped create true impact in the lives of women around the world. And at that time, I went into financial planning because I thought, well, that's where I could help a lot of women. But after a decade of that, realized this is not the right answer either. I'm stuck in their little box of, uh, what I'm allowed to do and talk about and represent myself as. And so for my birthday four years ago, I gave myself the gift of walking away from that whole corporate world, too, to allow myself to figure it out on my own.

Speaker E: What.

Speaker D: What was my gift and what do I bring to the world?

Speaker A: And.

Speaker D: And again, with that one focus of figuring out how do I bring true impact to the lives of women around the world. And these books is what I've come up with. And I've. To date, I've now been in 18 anthologies out there in the world. And I guess it's about three years ago now that it hit me that, you know, I love doing these. I. I love the. The therapeutic side of sharing your story. I love the impact of us each sharing how we've become leaders, how we've overcome challenges and. And especially as women, I think we learn from each other's stories. We find inspiration and motivation, that, uh, energy and that community through each other's stories. And so, to me, I've found my sweet spot. I know this is where I belong. Lifting women and helping them to share their own stories, build their own businesses. I kind of see myself as a conduit. And even in the books, I don't say by Kathy Dirksen. I'm. I'm the curator. So they're all curated by Kathy Dirksen. And really, I'm just helping to bring them together and bring them out to the world. So this is my sweet spot. And now I'm adding retreats to this as well, so.

Speaker C: Well, that is fabulous. So, uh, I will just pepper this with my story as we go along. But, uh, again, I mentioned, uh, live in Tampa, Florida. We have two cats. Uh, one is my grandkiddy, and he was born in Warsaw, Poland, where my daughter got her master's in psychology because it was $5,000 a year. So for 25,000, she had her Master's in psychology and she's the one who now lives in the uk. And uh, so I'm looking forward to the wedding dress shopping in a couple of weeks. My husband and I, uh, well, we also have a son who is a missionary in Poland, and he is 24 and the cutest and funniest guy you will ever meet. Uh, we adopted him when he was three from Russia. His name is Sergey. So he is the Russian Irish. And, uh, if there are any single girls out there, uh, we're still looking for one for him. Um, my husband and I have been married, uh, 34 mostly glorious years. And those of you who are married understand that fortunately the last 18 have been the, the really glorious part. And, uh, again, just so love being empty nesters. Great when the kids come home, but also great when they go back to their lives. So, uh, I've been a serial entrepreneur. I'm on my 13th startup. Uh, started as an intrapreneur before that was a name, and went, uh, out and consulted for about 10 years and have been, uh, on my own, uh, with my last two companies are tech companies. So, so excited to have you guys here. Um, I started a women's group, uh, gosh, probably 18 years ago now called the Executive Girlfriends Group. And we got together every Friday and I started, um, having authors come onto the show. And that's how I, uh, started my podc. So, uh, again, I so appreciate you guys. We're gonna, uh, go around, uh, and hear just a little bit. And I know you guys, some of you have already shared about being a part of the anthology. And so for those of you who haven't, if you could just chime in of, uh, of how this has been for you, not about what you wrote, but the process. And, uh, would you recommend it to someone who's trying to get their feet wet and getting some content out there that really is impactful.

Speaker E: Yeah, I can, I can share a little bit. Uh, I've never written anything. This is the first thing I've ever written. And I've always said I wanted to have written a book, but I didn't actually want to write the book. And so I thought, well, this is actually a perfect way to kind of. And I could not be happier with the process. I think being just part of a group of women empowering one another, supporting one another, amplifying one another, and then what we're doing with the proceeds from the book to continue the gift that keeps on giving. Like, it's just been an amazing, amazing process. And all the support that we've gotten from Kathy and from the publisher and from you, Chicky, and from Linda, um, and from one another. So I would highly recommend it to anyone who's even, you know, loosely considering it.

Speaker C: Thank you, Susan. And I actually did my first one about 15 years ago. It was called Bootstrap Business, because I am the bootstrap business queen. So I recommended it as well. Lynn, would you like to pop in?

Speaker A: No, thank you. I echo Susan's perspective. Um, I found it energizing, inspiring and efficient. Um, energizing. Because how could you not when you are in awareness of space with 20 other women who are meeting this moment in their lives at the same time so energetically. It's really cool. And when Kathy brings us together on these, um, learning calls, the energy just goes up. So incredibly energizing. Super inspiring, um, because getting to read what Kathy has put out in the world, um, maybe not one book all about Kathy, but every of her 18 books has a bit of Kathy. And it's just so inspiring for my journey. And then the more you run down the LinkedIn rabbit holes, the more you meet these, um, without having to physically be in the same room with them. It's incredibly inspiring. And last but not least, incredibly efficient. Um, the writing is hard enough. You can't really delegate that. Um, but to be supported by Kathy, Linda Fisk, Linda Sunshine, and Sally Green, and now yourself to bring this book into the world, um, it's just an incredibly efficient process to make sure that we, we show up with our words and it comes out into the world, and we do our part to lift ourselves and lift others who get to

Speaker C: read it, love it, and, you know, and today is really to take that to the next level of, uh, letting them hear your hearts because, you know, they've. They've heard a bit of what's in your mind, and I know you guys have all put your heart into it. Lily, do you want to add anything?

Speaker B: Um, I completely agree with what the other ladies have said. I. It just for me, because in, like I said, in the place I am in my life right now, where I've reevaluated everything, and I'm so excited. You know, this is my first January that I can think of what I want to do without having to consider anybody else's thoughts or anything else, um, it's really exciting and to see and to write the journey of how all these pieces came together and. And just wove pieces of my life, just wove this beautiful thing that's evolved as I turned, you know, in my late 50s and now I'm 60. It's just incredible.

Speaker C: And Kathy, you've already shared a little bit about the journey with us. Is there anything you want to add?

Speaker D: Uh, I think I just, you know, get, for the, for the viewers information, you know, a few of the other benefits of doing these multi author books Susan mentioned. You want to do a book, but you don't want to do the whole thing. You don't want to look after all by yourself. But the other side of that too, and I think we've kind of touched on it, is the, the, the way it can amplify your visibility and really expand the credibility and authority that you have in your, in your own community. And so really as someone who's an entrepreneur, I would say it's almost expected these days that you have the word authority in your profile.

Speaker C: Yes. And I will, I will add something to that. Even though I wasn't an author in this book, but when I wrote my first book, and I wrote a series of books that were very specific for my industry and travel technology, uh, the amount I used to charge per day for my time just went up exponentially. And because my last book, well, I mentioned the anthology, uh, book about uh, bootstrap business since I was raising money, it gave me the credibility of being somebody who was willing to talk about that process because it's hard. And, and then my uh, most recent book, the Game Changer was all me. And uh, to Kathy's point and what Susan said, uh, it's daunting to do it. I'm glad I did. But uh, what I found out, and I think you guys will see the same thing about this book, I really wrote it for me, I didn't read, thank God, I didn't write it for the people who would buy it because I had a publisher that didn't do a very good job in marketing. Um, but you know what you will find is you'll pick up the book which I'm sure you guys have read your chapters a, ah, thousand times, right? But you're gonna read it and you're gonna think, oh man, if I, if I had only known that, right? And now look at what I'm going through and it's gonna be so ultra relevant to you and every single time you pick it up and, and again you're going to read the stories of your colleagues that you've now met on this show and you're going to have a new appreciation for their contributions too. All right, well, we are Going to dive in much deeper. And I am going to change the view here so that we are seeing the speaker as we go. There we go. And so, Kathy, you won the lottery. You get to be first. So, Kathy, I'd like you to do, uh, this for us. Give us a little bit of your backstory. And again, for those of you who aren't really familiar with how I use that term, we don't want to know your, your work history. Anybody can look at your LinkedIn to see that. We want to know what has propelled you to what you're doing today. And again, you've already shared a little bit of that. And then we want to dive in to your chapter, which is one of the early chapters in the. Where you talk about creating impact. And I'm, uh, really curious as to hear your ideas about reimagining leadership.

Speaker E: Perfect. Uh, yes.

Speaker D: And yes, we all have a backstory. We all have twists and turns that we've come along. And I think in some of my chapters, in my other books, I talk more about kind of living a life of just kind of following what we've been told we're supposed to do. So you finish high school, you to university, you get married, you buy the house, you have the kids, you have a career. And, and I would say for most of us in our younger years, we never really had anyone say, what do you actually like, how do you, what do you really picture the rest of your life looking like? You know, is there a contribution that you actually want to be making to the world? You know, that really sort of thinking outside of ourself and not just that next step of what I'm supposed to do. And I would say that it was in 2008, we were in a fatal car accident. Luckily, my family is okay, but the, the motorbike guy that T boned us was not okay. And, and I think for me, that was really one of the experiences in life that really snapped me into thinking, okay, life is too short. And, and, and at the same time, you know, I've been living in a very toxic, abusive marriage and, but just putting up with it, right? Thinking, oh, I do this for my kids, you know, I've got to keep the family together. And, and that whole event too, I think, really shocked me into seeing that, you know, you know, what is the. What kind of role model am I being to stay in a marriage like this that clearly none of us are happy that, you know, the kids are suffering from the consequences of that toxic environment? And I think it really helped to give me that strength, to know that I'm the one that has to make changes. I'm the one who has to get my kids out of here. I'm the one that has to take responsibility for what happens next in my life. So I would say, for me, those were some of the big turning points. And really, I think, gave me that strength and that trust. I think a big part of it, too, coming through all these big things, has been that trusting myself to figure it out, even though I was stepping into the complete unknown. You know, that idea of stepping off a cliff and just knowing the parachute will open. You know, there has to be that level of trust and faith and just. And like you mentioned, too, courage.

Speaker C: Yes.

Speaker D: And, you know, that's where the name of my company, Inspired Tenacity came from. That whole. To me, those are a couple of the things we have to have to make big changes in our life. Inspiration to do it, and then the tenacity to just keep at it till we get to where we're going. And I always say courage is the word that belongs in between those words, but that would make it too long of a name.

Speaker C: Well, wonderful. And, you know, I want to give our other guests an opportunity to. To comment or if they have questions for you as we go. So anybody want to chime in about a, uh, similar kind of experience?

Speaker E: Well, I mean, that's my whole story right there also.

Speaker D: So I see the theme here.

Speaker C: Right.

Speaker E: So, uh, can I share a little bit about that?

Speaker C: Absolutely.

Speaker E: So thank you, Kathy, for everything that you said. And I. And I'm sitting here going, yes, yes, exactly. Yes. Um, and what I'm finding in my work with women and also just in life is that so many of us have similar experiences where we wake up one day and we're like, how did I get here?

Speaker D: What?

Speaker E: You know, did I choose this? Would I choose this again? And so my story is called Becoming an Invisible. And it's that idea of how do we actually show up for ourselves and. And, you know, and find that voice inside and trust that voice and act on that voice. And so a little bit of my context, similar to you, Kathy. I was married for many years, and, um, you know, without going into any of the specifics, I woke up one morning and said, this is not working for me. I am not who I want to be in this marriage. And it's not really working for either of us. And, um, it's up to me. I'm going to change my life. And within two years, I had left my husband Quit my job, started my business, moved to a new neighborhood. Like, I just kind of had a redo. And, uh, it was so scary and so empowering all at once. And it was all about just, this is the right direction. I just trust. I've never felt more confident in my life. And it's because of going through that. And I think that's where I get the passion for working with women, because many of us just. It's almost like giving ourselves permission, right, to ask, what do I want? And go and get it. And so. And it's about. I love what you said, Kathy. It's about taking responsibility. It's up to me. Nobody's gonna. I can't rely on anybody else. I'm not blaming anyone else. This is my journey, and I'm gonna take it and make the most of it.

Speaker C: I love it. And you, uh, know, I don't know that I've had anyone say out loud, would I choose this again? Right? That. That in and of itself is, I think, the first step that you have to go through. And, uh, you know, I've watched, um. I've got a sister who, uh, just stayed way, way, way, way too long in a marriage, and I heard that, oh, I'm. We're doing it for the kids. And I'm thinking, you've got to be kidding. You know, can you see what this actually looks like? And the answer is, no, she couldn't. And, um, so anyway, anyone.

Speaker E: Could I just say one. Can I just say one more quick thing? Uh, for me, the experience of writing this chapter allowed me to fully take responsibility for my part in it and to really own that and to really see that and to think, wow, if I had felt this way years ago and known this, what would have been different? And I've never had those thoughts before. So it was a very healing process for me.

Speaker C: Well, and again, you know, Kathy, I know that when you and Linda conceived this book, you know, you think about producing this great leadership book, right? And. But, you know, Kathy, because you've been through it yourself, this is a part of each one of these women's journeys. And it. It wasn't just to produce something that could be, you know, a bestseller around the world, which I'm hearing it is. Which, congratulations. Uh, but it. It really is transformational. Not, uh, only for the women who are on this call, but those who help to support them in this whole process.

Speaker D: It really does create positive change in everyone's life. Like, it's something you'll never forget doing. It's Something that you'll build on and add more to and expand on, but, you know, it really is that impact that I was looking to create.

Speaker C: Yes. Lynn, I would like to hear from you next. And again, you've already shared quite a bit your. I feel like a bunch of your. Your authors have actually been looking over my shoulder because, uh, her chapter is about rest to rise and from burnout to breakthrough. And I'm hoping I'm really close to the breakthrough, because I have been in that burnout for a long time. Again, this is my 13th startup, and for anybody who has done that, um, it is a long slog. So, Lynn, tell us a little bit about how you came up with the chapter content for your book, and tell us a little bit more about your backstory. You talked, uh, about the fact that we're from Singapore. Did. Did your parents immigrate? Did you emigrate?

Speaker D: What.

Speaker C: What was your story?

Speaker A: Yeah, uh, recently, I decided that my definition of synchronicity is. Is profound, joyful coincidences. So I like to speak and meander, um, and weave all those coincidences together. And so I hope you hear that, Um, I was born, raised, educated in Singapore. And, um, on the last day of my finals in college, uh, I got a phone call, um, from the world's largest shipping company at that point in time to say, hey, uh, you've passed all the tests we threw at you, and we'd love to offer you a job. And here are the conditions. Um, you know, if you do your work right and you don't get to choose a job, we choose it for you. But we'll pour into you, give you opportunities to travel, opportunities to learn. You meet all that criteria, you get to work abroad. And I went, whoa, you. You put me through two tests and one interview, and you have more faith in me than me and my whole family combined. Yeah.

Speaker C: Amazing.

Speaker A: Um, so that really was a, ah, welcome from the universe into the world of global business. And that work gave me the opportunity to say yes to an overseas or an expat assignment, as they call it in those days, from Singapore to Atlanta, Georgia. And I was like, yes, I am on my way. I wanted, at the beginning of my career to have five different addresses in different countries in 10 years. Yeah, no, that didn't quite happen because a few months into my assignment in Atlanta, Georgia, when, uh, I finally felt safe driving on the other side of the road, I find myself going, what does someone in her twenties do for fun that she used to do, now that she's unafraid of Driving on the other side. So that brought me to dance class, which, fast forward. Um, I met, um, my best friend, love of my life. And we are at, ah, 20 years and counting, um, my American husband. And that gave us the opportunity to choose, um, where next. So I chose. We chose to stay in the US to build our marriage and build our careers. And inside building my career, I realized one day that I couldn't answer the what's your plan? In three to five years, I got stuck. And I was way too young to get stuck. Like, there was going to be a lot of interviews in my life. And so I said, okay, this feels true. I want to be a leader. I want to go from leading myself at work to leading projects, then leading people, teaching them what I learned to do. And then I want to lead across functions and across divisions. And someday I want to lead an office overseas, preferably in the largest countries in the world, ideally China, just because of my heritage and the proximity of Singapore to China. And I said, okay, that sounds professional, that sounds authentic. And I'm not worried about the timeline because I want to be ready for the job. I want to be the best person for the job, not because I'm a woman, etc. Etc. Okay, that feels good. Um, fast forward. I got everything I wanted. Um, everything before 40, got a chance to work for the world's largest retailer, got a chance to live and work in China, and came back and realized that, oh, what next? I already have it all. And maybe it's the stress of privilege. Um, but I couldn't see, couldn't dream, didn't dare to ask, didn't dare to want. Um, floated a little bit and to kind of connect the dots. Um, my waking up one day was. I knew it was the beginning of the end. And that is how my chapter begins. Um, so here I am, um, just grateful to be among you.

Speaker C: Well, now I can't wait to read the chapter. You've, uh, left us, uh, hanging in a really, really good way. And, uh, uh, again, I know I'm not the only one who has been through burnout. Uh, also, I lived in Atlanta for a very long. We moved here to Tampa 24 years ago from, From Atlanta because I got really tired of the traffic. But, uh, any. Anyone else want to chime in on. On the burnout and the breakthrough story?

Speaker D: I'd say your, Your journey, you hit some amazing milestones. And that's, yeah, amazing that you did all those things before you were 40. And. And then what? And one of my current books is called midlife reimagined. And people keep asking me, when is midlife? And I, to me, midlife is at really from 30 to 80. But it's when you hit that time and you're thinking, okay, what I'm doing is not what I want to keep doing. And you make a change, you make a shift, and to me, that's where midlife starts. But now you're on to the next chapter. Now you're switching things up. And I love how you, you hit that at 40. And you clearly have figured out a whole new thing.

Speaker C: Right? And, you know, this has been one of the other threads of the. The change, uh, of. Of career or the change of orientation or going from corporate life to entrepreneurialism. Uh, you know, there's so many shifts that can occur. And Lily, of course, you shared, uh, in the beginning about the change in your personal life. So talk to us a little bit about, uh, your contribution to the book. And it's a little bit unique because of your focus on caregiving, and you're dealing with a lot of people that are at their end of life. And, uh, I have been through. I, uh, didn't take care of my parents, but my parents were in a facility, uh, and both passed away within nine months of each other. Uh, fortunately got to live together in the facility in one room, uh, until the end. And then my husband's parents went through the same kind of thing. And because I was the one who was good at the logistics, of course, I was the one who did everything all the way to, you know, bringing her, urn, home in, in the car, strapped in my passenger seat, and it's now in my living room because we don't think she'd actually want to be in the, uh, mausoleum with her husband.

Speaker B: Right, Right. I'm with you.

Speaker C: Well, I love, I love the thickness of your book, by the way, because, again, it's not trivial, uh, to be doing caregiving and, and it, uh, is often done in parallel with a very demanding career. So talk to us a little bit about your story.

Speaker B: Well, I was, um, corporate person, like everybody, or like many of the other women in, in our book. And I worked for IBM and marketing and business operations for 20 years and then, um, tried selling insurance for a while and then moved to funeral insurance and didn't love those things and managed an office. And we ended up. After my husband retired from IBM, he was a director. We moved down to North Carolina from Vermont because we were tired of the gray skies and the cold temperatures. Snow was fine, but not the cold temps. And I just needed some time because I had been responsible for three people for over 12 years plus, you know, raising my daughter. Two stepsons, I mean, they had their own mom, of course, but, um, nonetheless, and having a career at IBM and other places, and I just needed time off. I just. I just, like you said, was burnt out. And I just. When we moved to North Carolina, I was just like, I need space. I need to hold space for myself. I need to figure out what's next. You know, my daughter's flown and grown or grown and blown. And she's up, and now she's getting her PhD, um, and getting married, like we talked about. And so what does Lily want to do? And we had talked. I had talked to my husband then about being a death doula. And he's like, aha, you've been through so much with your family and death and dying. I'm afraid you're going to be depressed. So I was like, yeah, you got a point. And I let it go for two years. And then one day I had two friends in two different states tell me about the same online death doula certification program. And I was like, okay, God. And I flew through it because my father was an, uh, Episcopal priest and the head of pastoral care at the big hospital when I was growing up. And he taught death and dying at the UVM med school and was the clinical pastoral education supervisor. So he had people from all over the world that had come to Vermont to study with him on how to deal with people who were ill and death and dying in this kind of stress. So I grew up with it and I ran towards it. And my father said, I was always interested in death and dying since I was born. Asked about Dr. Martin Luther King and what happened to him versus his body after he was killed. Um, and so then I thought, oh, you know, because I have all these systems and things that I created in taking care of my family and. And shared with friends and used with grandparents too. And I thought, oh, I'll write a chapter on basic caregiving, and I'll just put some of the forms together. And once again, God said, ah, hell no. Lil. 15 chapters.

Speaker C: Wow.

Speaker B: Later. And it goes from basics of caregiving through the last chapters, all on different kinds of grief, how grief can trigger you, ways to try to figure out how to work through it. There's preparing for your death, how to cope. You know, there's a chapter all on the legal stuff, because I've been power of attorney for legal and medical care as well as an executor. So it's all the stuff that I had to go through the muck and learn. I thought, hey, let's make somebody else life easier. And so that's what I love doing. I know it's weird, but I love death and dying and dementia and caregiving. And I'm in the middle of getting my grief, uh, counselor certification too, because it's all part of the same thing.

Speaker C: Well, it's amazing because, uh, when I started my tech company, my current company, it was because my niece had had a horrible accident and was airlifted to Montana and none of us lived there. And I came home, uh, they were able to save her arm. She had flipped, uh, over in an ATV and she was only 15. And uh, anyway, they were able to, uh, uh, reattach it and she's living, uh, a normal, wonderful life. But I came home from that, that trip and I said to my husband, I've got to fix this. This happens every single day and people have to go. And they didn't plan for the trip, trip. And then when I was driving home with my mother in law, uh, you know, as the passenger in my seat, yeah, I thought, you know what? Funerals are exactly the same. So we trip enabled the obituary back for tributes.com in 19 or in 2016. And uh, I ended up, I was going out to raise money and I thought, oh, I can't say that all I do is, uh, death care. Right. So I know exactly where you are, Lily. But, uh, you know, know it's a calling and, and it's a calling clearly called. And you know, I just love the thread, uh, you know, in all of your stories and just like the earlier, uh, uh, interviews that I did, when we talk about the trust and the courage and the tenacity and the scary yet empowering, you know, I mean, the words that have come out of your mouths are just so amazing for those who are listening. And each one of you that shared, you know, even just a glimpse into who you are with the people who are listening today, I just really, uh, so appreciate that. Um, we were talking in one of the earlier interviews about the, you know, the little man who sits on one side, you know, telling you, you're not enough, you can't do this, you know, you'll never be enough, or death care is bad or being divorced is bad. And uh, you know, and you're really not thinking of your kids or what, whatever it is. Right. But other side is that voice of encouragement. And sometimes that manifests itself in Having great girlfriends around. And I'm so glad that all of you belong to Leadership Global because it really is, uh, so important to have people who, you know, that you can call on even if you haven't talked to them literally for a year or more and you can just pick up the phone. And I think you guys all know, uh, Cecilia Dahl. She was part of the, uh, original Executive Girlfriends group with me. She was on my board and so it was so much fun to interview her today. And Linda and I met through C Suite Network, which I was a member, uh, in the early days of that organization. And I, uh, just want to applaud you all for the impact that you don't even know that you've had yet. And that you would be encouraged, uh, to know that even the simplest of words and the simplest of disclosure can be completely transformational, uh, to someone on the other side and give them the courage to do what they need to do. Know, I'd like to go around one last time and this time I would like for you to share. If you knew what you know now, what would you tell your younger self and what would you tell those that need to find a mentor? Because you guys are all amazing mentor material, right? And there are women out there who need to have your wisdom. So Susan, I'm gonna pick on you first and I'm gonna put you guys back on the, uh, group view so that we can all see each other.

Speaker E: Uh, what I would tell my younger self think is go to yourself first, Listen to yourself first before going to the external world. That is your choice truth, that is your guiding light. And to get really skilled and practiced at going there first and listening to that and to get support in listening to that voice. That's what I would say. And that's still the work I'm doing, huh?

Speaker C: Many years later. I love that. Lynn, how about you? Yeah. Ah, and you still look 20 by the way, so

Speaker A: thank you. The zoom touch up is awesome. Um, I would tell this to my younger self, though I don't think she would listen. Um, I would tell her to rest, to rise, to rise for love, the work you love and to rise with community. And I would say the same, um, to everyone I get to reach today and through whenever, to restorize, to rise for love and to rise with community. Because there is no leadership if you do not practice, uh, self health first. So you can be there with integrity, with yourself and then with others. Because that's where fun, fortune and flow happen.

Speaker C: Mhm. I love it, Lily.

Speaker B: Well, it's what I teach my clients, right? Whether they're caregivers, people dealing with dementia, coping with planning a good death for their loved one, or coping with grief. You all know the answers.

Speaker E: You already know the answer.

Speaker B: What most people are looking for is someone to validate what they already know. And what I would say to my younger self is, is you've known all along what's, where you're headed and where's north, so to speak. Uh, and I wish I had trusted myself more, because I was right every time I thought, well, maybe the fork's going left or right. Which way do I want to go? And I would think, well, I probably should go this way, but let's try this way. And darn it all, I almost always knew. And. And so I. I try really hard to teach people to trust their own instincts to be. To sit with their feelings, to allow yourself to be sad, allow yourself to be angry. And after you go through that process of, uh, feeling whatever it is you feel, then you can more easily identify what you want to do and how you want to tackle something. But you've got to cope with the feelings first and process them. And as a country, we're lousy at that. We push them away as quickly as we possibly can and stay busy or just pick up our phones and look at our phones and ignore what we're feeling. So trust yourself is my message.

Speaker C: All right, Kathy, Bring us home.

Speaker B: Yeah, I think I have a very

Speaker D: similar thread to the others. And for me, it was around acknowledging that that I should put myself first and, um, that I need to look after myself in order to be there for others. And especially with having kids, I. I know I would put myself completely on the back burner to just keep up with what they needed. What did they need from me? What did they, you know, that kind of thing. And. And to the point of I. I still remember one day thinking, you know, I don't even music I like. I don't even know what kind of food I would order if I. If it was totally up to me, what do I want, what do I like? And I literally detached that far from myself. And. And so I. I think that would be what I would tell my younger self. And it's true, I'm not sure she would listen, but that whole thing that we have to look after ourselves first, definitely.

Speaker C: Well. Well, this has been, uh, just truly, uh, inspiring and amazing. And I encourage all of you to continue these relationships and take it down one more layer, because I think you guys all have Something incredible to offer one another. And again through Leadership Global, uh, we all get that opportunity to do it. Uh, we have been talking to, uh, four of the authors of Leadership Unveiled, Women Leading with Impact. And it is available on both Kindle and paperback on Amazon. So, uh, walk, don't run or Run don't walk, that's the way it should be. Sorry about that. Run, don't walk, uh, to Amazon and grab your copy of the book. I know I'm going to because I can't wait to read, read your stories in depth. Um, now that we've had a chance to meet and uh, again I think we've heard just, just uh, an amazing, uh, empowering story today. And I would encourage all of you to figure out what your story is. Uh, do listen to your heart. Uh, do a little bit more leading with the heart rather than the head because our head can, uh, definitely mess us up, uh, along that journey. But trust yourself. As everyone has said. Uh, I think this has just been, uh, a great way to end the day. And Cassie, I want to thank you for uh, being open to the idea when I first said to you, well, hey, maybe we ought to interview the authors. And she said okay. And that, that was just a couple of weeks ago. So, uh, I can't wait to see and hear the outcome and to hear your stories after the book has been out and what happens to each of your life lives uh, as a result of that. So thank you again for being a part of this and have an amazing day.

Speaker B: You've been listening to the Game Changer

Speaker A: Ideas, Inspiration, Innovation with Chicky Fitzgerald.

Speaker C: Sam.