Besties: Andrew celebrates 40th. Will attends a Men's Leadership Retreat | #152

Speaker A: There's little moments of like, I resonated with Roger and we expressed the resonance to each other. But the more I'm doing this, the more I'm just. Man, the world really opens up to you if you are willing to tap into it and then just basically find the frequency of people that are also tapped in. Welcome to the Wild show with your hosts, Will Chang, Li Chang and Andrew Hsu. Hi, this is Will Chang and as always, I have my co host Andrew Hsu with up.

Speaker B: What's up?

Speaker A: So it is the day after Thanksgiving and you just had your birthday on Monday. So you just turned 40. We had gone to Austin to celebrate your birthday and I was wondering if you could tell me a little bit about how you planned it and your intention behind it, because it was pretty amazing.

Speaker B: Yeah, no, appreciate that. Appreciate you coming. Plan for the birthday. I think nowadays just looking for the most memorable thing that we can do. And I realized that making something memorable is making it also easy to talk about and think about. So we were between New York and Austin. Austin just felt more different than day to day. Throwback to when I went to college and was in Texas. And then also it just felt like the most central place for everybody to get to because as it turned out we just, uh, have. I've moved around a lot and have good friends in many areas. So actually had folks come in from Texas, which felt like one era of my life. San Francisco, which was kind of the full grind slash party. And then New York, which has been kind of like grind to family, but people came in from all over. And that was the intention. I actually wanted to just hang out at the house the whole time and have everyone just relax and get to know each other. So yeah, uh, that was the intention and I think it turned out pretty well. And on top of the standard Texas hang, which is barbecue football hanging at the pool, it was really cool that you had actually brought as a surprise a cold plunge in a sauna. And so I felt like between the amazing house and that, like there was no reason to leave. And it made every day a blend of like wellness, friends and booze.

Speaker A: Yeah, you asked me to lead a, uh, breathwork and meditation. So before we get into the cold fl, I have a story around the cold plunge at the sauna that I'll get into. But before that, why did you end up asking me to do the breathwork and meditation? And can you talk a little bit about your planning around that? Just having friends do stuff?

Speaker B: Yeah, I mean the simple thing for me that like Where I get the greatest joy is just having people share what they're passionate about with, like, other friends. And so I know that you've been thinking about coaching, breath, work, wellness kind of non stop, so just felt very natural. It was cool because I, uh, even got comments afterwards from different people that are getting more and more healthy that they felt like it was a really good kind of kickoff to the new year and the stages of their lives. So that felt like a natural fit and just kind of go through it. Like, Jay and David love food. They planned most of the meals whether or not people realized it. Rich makes brisket all the time. So he cut like, precision perfect. Right from where we ordered from like Rhian, Tony, Rami. I forgot. But why I love those guys so much is just what you already saw. They just take care of people, and that's what they did. I think back in the day, Riam would have been cooking a ton, but, you know, she had two kids with her. Yeah. Like, everyone kind of brought interesting points of view or different things. And I always find that that's the most fun way for people to hang out because then they're kind of bringing their most interesting self. So that's why I asked you.

Speaker A: Yeah. So part of that actually was me bringing up Cold plunge and Sana and. And I got to surprise everyone.

Speaker B: Dude. Will on the cold plunge gave us no directions. We all just jumped in. And then the next day, the guy who owns the cold plunges comes and gives us a long intro and tells us how to actually do it right. And it was like, well, it's not scary anymore because Will gave us no direction and we all just jumped in.

Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, so Jacoby, who became my friend this past week, who we rented the cold plunge and the sauna from the company is called Jacoby Plunges. I invited him to come over on Saturday and he gave us like a guided Jacobi experience, which he does for his convenience friends. And I thought that was pretty special. It's really fun. And the reason why I brought it up is because, like, I actually experienced it the weekend before, and I'll go into that in a little bit, but it's. I do cold plunges at home by myself. And having a cold plunge that fits eight people and having a sauna that people can go into back and forth and having the conversations and just feeling good in general, I think changes the coldpling experience. So, yeah, a lot of the people that kind of did it, I think Jay and David both came out of it really pumped. Um, and excited. I think it makes you feel really good. And it's like a really great bonding experience as well.

Speaker B: Yeah, I totally agree. Actually, this trip was so memorable for me that I'm using both the breathing exercise you did for the meditation and the box breathing for cold plunge regularly now. Like in the past, I had to pull up an app, you know, and I'd listen, blah, blah, blah. But I felt like there were so many things going on. It was so memorable that I can actually just use it. Now when I do, I think feel like that's been one of the best parts. And then to your point about the eight person, I want to start doing those or, uh, it inspired me to do the wellness things together. Now I want to invite people to saunas. You know, we don't just need to go to bars and restaurants in New York to socialize. So it was. It was a really good kickoff. Kind of individual, uh, habit, but also trying to find that group habit.

Speaker A: Yeah. So before that weekend, I was in Austin already for a week, and that's actually how I met Jacoby. So I was in Austin the weekend before, and it just happens that your birthday happened to be in Austin the weekend after. So I just ended up just changing my trip so that I would stay an entire week. And it was a really great experience because it allowed me to experiment with energy, which is like the first time I've really done it. So going into Junto, I'll just explain what Junto is, and then we'll go into a little bit about my experience this past week. So Junto is a men's leadership retreat. It's run by this guy named Andrew Horn, who's actually coming onto our podcast next week. And he's like an executive coach. He's coached incredibly successful people. He has an incredibly successful network, and he's run these men's leadership retreats for the last eight years. So I think I was 22. So he's done 22 of these Jun Tae experiences, and there's about 18 to 20 people. And the theme around it is around men's leadership. I actually don't know what they all did because we never really talked about it until at the end. But most of them are leading men people in their lives, whether it's in work or their communities or things like that. And number one is like, wow, like masterclass in running a retreat. Just watching him mechanically do it. Being able to lead 18 to 20 guys to do something like this was really good. It's all. It was very structured. He Knew his material, and just watching the mechanics of it was really great. That's why I wanted to go sometime is just watch him do it. It was all himself. He just did it himself for three days.

Speaker B: What did he teach? What were the pillars?

Speaker A: The main thing is around being authentic, right? And so number one is, how do you feel your feelings? How do you check in with yourself? Feel what you're feeling, figure out where it's coming from. So you're checking in with yourself and then being authentic in expressing that to people. So he talked about how depression is comes from not being able to express what you're feeling over time. And being a great leader is actually having 10 out of 10 relationships everywhere in your life by expressing authentically, but also objectively and with positive intent everything you're feeling. And so he talks a lot about first checking in with what you're feeling so you actually are noticing what you're feeling, but then the second is actually expressing it. Whether it's like, negative feelings or positive feelings, you're constantly expressing it. So he talks about objective and nonviolent communication. And so rather than pointing fingers or judging or creating stories around something, you just communicate the actual objective truth. So, like, you did something, or, uh, when you did something, or, uh, when you said something, that's the first thing is, like, the objective thing that you did. Second is like, I felt this, right? So I felt hurt, I felt sad. And then what I needed from you was this, right? So instead of the thing that you gave me, I needed this from you. I needed support, I needed guidance, and then an agreement. So from now on, I hope that you acknowledge that or I hope that you do this instead or whatever like that. And so if you can basically express the things that you are feeling objectively with positive intent, then all your relationships will turn out much better over time, right? So you'll have a 10 out of 10 relationship everywhere. That's the main thing. And so, like, a lot of it was, like, working through how do we actually feel our feelings? And then how do we actually communicate what we're feeling in a way that's objective and nonviolent? And so that's mostly the weekend.

Speaker B: Yeah, it's cool because I actually felt like the birthday weekend clarified for me what, I guess what inner work was, you know, which I talked to you about. And I felt like the first part of inner work is feeling your feelings and, um, understanding yourself. So it's pretty cool to see that overlap. What exercises or was the stickiest thing for you that you took Away for feeling your feelings.

Speaker A: Well, so what he had us do. Well, the first thing that he had us do is basically record a video. Because you have a bunch of men that you don't know anything about, and you're entering a space with a bunch of men. First thing is you record a video and you say, hey, my name is Will Cheng, and I'm, uh, not here to compete. And then before you go in there, you're basically recording a video. It's like, hey, this is Will Chang. I'm checking in, and I'm feeling this emotion in my. This body part, right? So I'm feeling anxiety in my shoulders, or I'm feeling satisfaction in my belly or like that. And so everyone kind of goes in and checks in. And then so he's doing this exercise every, uh, like three, four hours. And so in the morning and the night before, we go into the retreat. And then when we go into the retreat, anytime we start something, he's where everyone's going around and checking on their feelings. And then he gives us a bunch of different frameworks to think about in terms of how do we actually deal with our contentious relationships in our life through this objective, nonviolent communication. Also, how do we check in with the people that we are grateful for, that we have great relationships with, and how do we express that? Right. And so I think I sent you a note during the retreat basically expressing my experience with you. Right? And so how do we actually do that more with people? And so that was mainly the whole weekend. What I took out of it, uh, was just in addition to that, I think what I took out of it was Andrew Horn is living the life that is basically, he's, like, on this path that's, like, further ahead of me. And just watching him do what he does and watching him live the life that he lives is very inspirational. And there's, like a version of myself that I want to be. Move towards, that is closer to him. And so just watching him in action, watching him live his life and watching his personal relationships, it was very inspiring for me. And then finally, I think that, like, as I've been working on a lot of this inner work stuff, and as I've been working on basically being able to notice what's happening inside me, being able to see what's happening in others, there's like a, uh, intuition or, like, almost like a sensitivity now. I feel around energy that I never really thought around. And so I can now feel my own energy, and I can feel other people's energy and what I've noticed is how energy really affects people. And so, like, before we met anybody, one of the things that we had to do is we have to basically stand face to face to a random man and then stare at each other's left eye as close as possible, where you're really uncomfortable, and then just stare at each other for, like, a, uh, crazy amount of long time, right? And there's people that can't hold it, right? People that are get nervous and they can't hold eye contact, and the nervous system is just kind of shot, right? And there's other people. Like, there's one guy named Xander who has three kids, and you could just feel his nervous system is so calm, and you could just trust him, right? And you could just feel him being able to hold the energy. You could just feel like you could continually throw stuff at him and he's. He can hold it, right? And so this energy capacity that people have, where some people have to dissipate the energy because they're too ungregable because it's hitting the limit, there's other people that have just more and more energy to the thing hold. And those are the people that you trust. And based on that, how magnetic people are, right? And so some people with limited energy capacity can start repelling people away, whereas people with much larger energy capacity that can hold a lot more are magnetic. And that was a very interesting thing to experience and to witness.

Speaker B: Yeah. Makes, um, me think about, you know, I told you that I feel like inner work is feeling your feelings or learning to notice them, um, prioritizing, maybe understanding them, prioritizing what you want to change, and then having tools to kind of change your cycles that create your feelings. So this, what you just said feels like it fits into, I guess, the change piece and trying to create more space. Do you see? Did you see new tools to have more space so you can hold more, or did you feel any transformations that you could speak to?

Speaker A: Well, I feel like I've, over the last maybe year or so, because last time we talked about being in a big group, I was one of two Asian people, right? And so last time we talked, it was in February. I felt like, a little bit uncomfortable because I was the only Asian person this time around. Maybe because it's a different context and there was a lot more men, but maybe just because I just worked on myself so much. Like, when I went in there, like, I felt like I belonged. I just felt like I could hold a lot more. So there wasn't any, like, energy dissipating the way that it was maybe this February. And it was just a very calm energy. It was like, I'm here to work on myself, but I don't really need others. But I'm also open to connecting. And I'm not here to prove anything, but also I'm here to provide if people need to. Right. Need it. And so I think the energy was just a very calm energy. I felt I could hold it and then it just reflected back to me too. Like uh, the people that I felt like uh, hold energy gravitated towards me. I just connected with a lot of people. What ended up happening actually afterwards is like one of the guys, Nico, who was invited back, he had already done this before, but he was invited back to help take photographs and also experience the men's group again. He asked me what I was doing in Austin and I was like, oh, I'm just hanging out. You want to hang out? And then he invited me to his ranch and Jacoby, the guy from Plunges that I met too, he's like, oh, I'll give you a ride home and I'll give you a ride to the ranch. And the ranch is like an hour away and we couldn't actually stay because Jocopi was busy at night. But we ended up just spending the day with Nico and just getting to know each other. And he has this 70 acre ranch that he puts a lot of events on and he basically put together this one event, this three day event during the eclipse where he hosted like almost like a concert where billionaires would show up and spend $5,000 to spend time on his ranch. And like they would helicopter in. So it's like an amazing, beautiful place. He has a seventy thousand dollar sauna that we got to go into, a hot tub and we got to like really connect. And we talked a lot about actually because he's a photographer, so he's actually taking photos of everyone. And I just asked him like who stood out to him, like what was he witnessing? And then I also had this conversation with Kobe too and we all kind of shared the same people that kind of created comfortability and magnetized and the same people that basically felt negative and repellent. And it's an interesting kind of like thing to kind of witness because he was just saying like, yeah, I'm taking photos. And then there's certain people that just like their body language just like you could tell what they're feeling inside. It was just fascinating. And so like yeah, just being so open and being kind of and Then I would just. Anytime I felt like, a vibration with anyone, I would just tell them, hey, like, I feel a resonance with you, and I want to be your friend. Right. And then so that's how I ended up hanging out.

Speaker B: Was that, uh, your exact words? I feel a resonance with you, and I would like to be your friend?

Speaker A: Yeah, kind of. Pretty much. Not exact words, but, like, I feel something between us. Right. And I want to become better friends. Right. I can feel something. I can feel we're going to be really good friends. I'll say that to people. Yeah.

Speaker B: That's your Bill Ackman quote. May I speak with you? Hi. I have resonance with you.

Speaker A: Yeah.

Speaker B: Want to be my friend?

Speaker A: Yeah. So, I mean, that's kind of like I've been operating in that way for a while now. And so anytime I feel like, this, like, resonance in frequency with somebody, I will actually express it. And it's been. It's opened a lot of doors. Yeah.

Speaker B: That's beautiful. It's definitely something I aim for. I feel like it goes up and down. A huge driver of it is more and more, like, physically how I feel. And I can feel myself taking care of myself more to try and do that. Anyways, real question I want to ask is, what about that same feeling with people already around you, Right. Like Claudine and your close friends. Have you seen it translate? Have you done anything to grow? Because I can tell you, like, that's what I'm working on, too. That's why I'm curious.

Speaker A: Well, I feel like for my friends, um, already I already feel that way, and they feel that way about me. And the reason why I have so many friends is because I am like that around people. I think the harder part for me was being more open to people that I didn't know. And so I think that's changed now, and I can kind of, like, be myself around even people that I am unfamiliar with. Does that make sense?

Speaker B: It makes sense. It feels to me like that's your focus. To give more color for me is, you know, I might multitask at home when I'm around Emmy versus being more intentional and bringing positivity and openness to, like, what she's doing. Otherwise, I feel like maybe I shouldn't be in the room. Right. If there's something more important, but maybe that's just something, like, I've been wrestling with and wanting to just have good energy in each state.

Speaker A: I know what you mean. Yeah. I mean, at home, it's harder, right? Because you're constantly Switching between things. And you're not as aware of what's going on with around you or the energy you're projecting. And so how do you basically carry that energy at all times, even at home? That's a hard one. I think a lot of it is doing the training, right? It's the meditation, it's the breath work, it's the coming back to yourself. It's the noticing what you're feeling. It's the being bringing the awareness. Right. So you're not doing things on a subconscious level, but you're actually aware of what's happening.

Speaker B: Yeah. I mean, on top of that, I want to use, you know, you just broke down with authentic expressing, which is like, hey, when you said or did this, I felt this. And I hope I get, you know, it's different in this way because I think that applies to family too. And I was just at, uh, a lunch with some friends and one of the guys was saying that this couple he really admired, he asked them, um, you know, what they thought made them a bit different. And their response was actually when the other person does something, they don't look at it as a reflection of who they are. It's just something they did. Right. Which very much applies to, you know, expression. It's not, you know, you are, you are this. It's, hey, when you did this, this is how I felt and this is what would be better. And I see a lot of overlaps, basically.

Speaker A: And then also, yeah, I mean, not projecting any negative intent as well. When an argument happens, it's like you're projecting a negative intent on somebody. They don't agree with it, and then they feel judged. Right. And then there's a closing off. And so how do you actually just address the behavior and then express your actual vulnerable feelings around it instead of projecting a negative intent? Because part of the projection is actually protecting yourself. Right. You're hurt, but instead of basically just saying, hey, I'm hurt, you're basically projecting a negative intent that you're attacking me. And then that's to protect yourself. But what ends up happening is it closes down the communication.

Speaker B: Right. And it also closes down your openness to them improving or changing anything. So going all the way back, how did you find Junto and what made it resonate with you that drew you in?

Speaker A: Initially there was a, ah, list of things, Coffin process, Junto and a couple other things I forgot, but basically like it was on a LinkedIn post. And Jason Ye, I don't know him, but, um, I almost rented a house from him one time. And then I backed out because my landlord ended up giving me a good price. But he posted this LinkedIn post about how Asian Americans need to have some version of this. And so I took that as curriculum. And so I started going to the things that he posted and that was. This is one of them. And yeah, I really enjoyed it. The actual weekend was amazing because, like, it was cool seeing Jacoby bring the Jacob plunge and Sana, we got to like do the community thing, the sauna and the cold plunge in the mornings before it started. And then I got to see people. There's this one guy, his name is John, and he's an artist. And the way that he expresses himself was just so amazing. It was similar to how Roger talks. It's so nuanced and he can feel into his feelings and just give you a description of what's actually happening within him, where I just, like. It just makes my brain come alive because it's so nuanced and there's so much, like, texture. Whereas when I express things, things are just good or bad. Right. And so it was like just seeing a lot of these people and just seeing, oh, wow, like, what an inspiration this guy is. Or Xander, who has three kids and he has three year old, four year old, five year old, like, how much he loves his kids and how much, like, how much strength he has. Yeah. Just being around these guys was really inspiring. Yeah.

Speaker B: Yeah. Gives you something that you can feel and take away. Right. A memory that you can kind of aspire towards very easily. That doesn't take a lot of work.

Speaker A: Yeah.

Speaker B: And, uh, Roger is our friend who is a award winning artist and does textured painting that literally comes out of the canvas. It's pretty amazing. He gifted me one. I don't know if you saw it, it was wild. It's called Paint the Line and it's a, uh, painting of. I think it's the US Open or it's a tennis match. But it's cool because one or two years ago I went to the US Open. So I've actually got the painting below the poster and it's awesome. I see it like every day now.

Speaker A: So, yeah, Roger's amazing. Like, I was asking him what he did before painting. He was like, I was the Jerry Maguire of corporate lawyers. And he talked about how he was the top, the best, like, to recruit lawyers. And he was describing how he did it and it's incredible. And he's talking about his art and his process and, like, the way he talks is so amazing. I'm going to basically not do it justice. But the way he talks about it is like, it's not actually coming from him, it's coming from a source. Right. And basically he's having a conversation with the source and he's figuring out how to clear himself out so he can basically channel the source. And the way that he talks about it, like, that's where I'm trying to go, is like, I know that's the next step. And he's figured it out and it's like, okay, you're putting words onto this thing that I know is now real. And like, okay, like there's more here that he's figured out that I want to continue moving towards.

Speaker B: Yeah, I agree. Yeah, I've heard that theme before and I definitely moving as much as I can towards the same place. The two episodes that, besides Roger, uh, that inspired me a lot about kind of that direction or with John Baptiste and Tim Ferriss. And then his latest episode on Simplification with She's a world class coach. They call her like Oprah's coach. And she retailered her entire life around the feeling of joy and only doing things that brought her that joy. And so basically they were talking about how it can be really hard to build simplicity, but so that it is very simple to follow joy. But it can be very, very difficult to only follow joy because of all the pain that the relationships you might have to give up or the choices you might have to make. But it was all felt like different flavors of this same dish we're talking about of like being a channel, being a conduit of kind of your inner, inner soul.

Speaker A: So Roger was telling me about how his processes and basically how does he channel and how does he clear out? And he was telling me that the thing that he does that clears the most or his process is actually doing these dishes. And so doing dishes actually helps them kind of channel and clear.

Speaker B: You know, it's funny because, like now every time I wake up, I actually like prep the house and stuff for the kid. And it's starting to like, resonate a bit. It added the purpose behind what I do, if that makes sense. Like knowing what Roger talked about and having that joy of like taking care of family or people you care about, it kind of resonates. So.

Speaker A: Yeah. And so that feeling of openness and the feeling of energy in Austin, I was like that everywhere I was going. And so, I mean, because of that, we became so good friends with Jacoby. Jacoby came over the weekend and he got to hang out with us. That was really cool. I went to one of Jacoby's events, and he introduced me to his friend Mike Johnson. I think he was on the Bachelor, and he has this halal goat milk soap. And I became friends with him. I was like, hey, man, like, I love your energy. I resonate with you. And then he gave me a $50 soap as a gift. That was really cool. So, I mean, like, there's little moments of, like, I resonated with Roger and we expressed the resonance to each other. But the more I'm doing this, the more I'm just. Man, the world really opens up to you. If you are with willing to tap into it and then just basically find the frequency of people that are also

Speaker B: tapped in, that's definitely what I'm chasing. That's also why I asked you. All right, so now you're home. I assume, you know, you're not as surrounded by opportunities for resonance as a birthday or a men's retreat, where I think people are inclined to be open. But also it takes no work for you to be around people that inspire you. So how do you. I'm chasing it. I'll be open. Like, I try and find that day to day by being present. But also I'm wondering how do I surround myself more with people like that? And so I'm curious if you get that same feeling if you do anything.

Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, for sure, it's harder. Yeah, you're right. Being in Austin and being by myself and being in a hotel room and just being able to walk around and just like, open up my tuning fort and find the resonance and just. It's just like that. That's so easy. Right. But how do you actually do the day to day when you have responsibilities and how do you show up? I don't have the answer to that. I think one of the things for me has been helpful is that I'm coaching every week, right? And so every time I'm coaching somebody, I'm like, reminding them and myself of this. Right. And so that's always helpful. When you teach somebody, you're also reminding yourself of it too, or you're basically cementing in your brain. So each time, um, I'm teaching somebody or I'm helping them through something and I'm giving you something that I already know. It's still helping me remember and kind of like practice. And so that's always been really helpful. But yeah, you're right. Is that it's much harder in a structured environment when you have a Lot of responsibilities. Like, how do you actually do this? I don't know.

Speaker B: Yeah, I'm curious too. On your teaching piece. So first in your teaching, how's the split between in person and online?

Speaker A: It's all remote. Yeah. It's just easier for everyone if it's just remote.

Speaker B: Got it. And then when you're helping people, is it on this framework we talked about of noticing, uh, prioritizing, helping them understand that car the why, and then helping them decide how to change? Is that your typical framework?

Speaker A: So it's all around beliefs, right? And so it's like, first, how do we bring awareness to your beliefs? That's the first step, right? And then so in the beginning, it's like, okay, I'll walk you through how to get to a belief. So you're feeling this emotion or you're feeling this thing that you don't like, or you, you want to do something better, right? Like, why are you feeling this? And there's a belief around that.

Speaker B: Right.

Speaker A: And a lot of times it's like, okay, it's something that happened in childhood. Let's explore the childhood thing so that you can actually figure out what the belief is. Now you're aware of the belief. And now basically you have to just change that belief. You have to choose a different belief. And a lot of it is like, how do you change that belief? And there's a lot of different things that you could do to choose the belief, but number one is just you have to decide you want a different belief. So once you have the awareness and once it comes up, you're just choosing, making a different decision on the belief. Right? But also, there's also other things that you could do too, like visualization. So how do you actually train your brain and train your nervous system to believe something different? Right? And because like, I mean, sports athletes this all the time, so they, at a big game, they already have, huh? Played that game so many times in their head that when they show up on the court, they're no longer nervous because their nervous system has practiced it so many times, right? And that's the same thing as, like, whatever you want. You have to actually train your brain and train your nervous system to have it so much that it's like, it calms nervous system down. And so it's like, how do you visualize and how do you practice that? How do you hold that type of energy in a way that feels boring almost, right? You're not holding the energy in a way that I deserve it. Or you're hyping. Yourself up, that's like a separation energy. It's more like, okay, I've done it so many times and I have it so easily that it's like, it's boring to me or I'm almost taking it for granted. And how do you actually hold that in your nervous system? So it's a lot of it is just basically bringing awareness to the self talk, bringing awareness to the beliefs, and then just helping them over time, being able to be aware of their beliefs over time. And then also now that you understand your own beliefs and understand your own reactions and what's happening within yourself, how do you actually do that for others too? Right. And so when somebody says something hurtful to you, understanding that they're not saying something hurtful to you, there's something that's been touched from their own inner child that they're threatened by or something like that. And so like you kind of see the matrix in that and everybody is just kind of like hurt children that's just trying to protect themselves. And so there's nothing that's personal and everything is just calm. And you don't have to perceive anything as threatening because you are safe.

Speaker B: And that's kind of like the work tactically for visualizations. Do you help people understand when to do it and frequency?

Speaker A: I mean, it really depends on the person. Like, everyone has different things that they need to work on. So I'm not asking everyone to do visualizations, but the ones that like, I feel like, need it every morning, just wake up, put on a meditation thing and then just visualizing holding the things that you want.

Speaker B: Right?

Speaker A: You can practice holding the things that you want. Your brain will start, I forgot the term for it. Reticular activating systems like that, where your brain will start looking for those things. If you're constantly solving problems, you're. You're constantly thinking about problems, your brain will just continuously look for more problems. But if you're thinking about and holding the energy of opportunity or things that you want, your brain will start looking for ways for more opportunity. Right? And so like, just like if you bought a Tesla, you'll see a lot more Teslas. Those Teslas were always there. You were just blind to it because you never, your brain wasn't trained to look for them. But then once you bought that Tesla, now that Tesla's everywhere because your brain has been trained. And so it's a lot of that is just training your brain and, and training your nervous system, training your brain. So he starts looking for it, those opportunities and Then training your nervous system so when it's starting to hit up on that electric fence that you think is gonna cause you to be unsafe, you can cross it without having to self sabotage.

Speaker B: Yeah, no, that totally makes sense. Um, and, um, I found myself doing that more and more now. But I also think it's because I've grown where I'm not freaking out to only solve problems all the time as fast as possible, which comes from, you know, growing up with a scarcity mindset, which I feel like a large percentage of people I know might have. You know, and to your point, what I've been thinking about is, like, you can't really have vision without the space to dream or learn to hold and see opportunities. Right. If you're always running as fast as you can because you think everything's so scarce, it makes it really hard. So it's definitely another thing that I've been thinking about and trying to expand on.

Speaker A: I mean, I definitely noticed it in you in that you were generally really relaxed during your birthday.

Speaker B: It's funny you think that, but I wasn't.

Speaker A: You weren't? Oh, uh. You weren't. Okay.

Speaker B: The dissonance for me is actually I felt like people expect me to party or do XYZ and have fun. And honestly, between us, it's just like, I felt like I was just getting everyone settled all the time because I want to make sure to bring out what we talked about of the best in each person and make them the most comfortable. So I actually felt like I was hosting. But it's the distance of expectation, right? Because I felt like, oh, I should be sitting around doing nothing and quote, unquote, partying. Maybe the reality is like, no, the best part is taking care of people and having those side conversations, and that's what life is. So I think it was my own accord. But I am told all the time that I look very calm and like, I'm having the best time. That's a very frequent conversation that's said to me. But funny enough, that's not how I feel. Right? Like, I was definitely making sure everyone got settled and things were moving, if that makes sense.

Speaker A: I feel like that's what you took on to have this birthday. Like, you chose this. Right? Because if it were my birthday and I wanted to relax, I would not have chosen putting a bunch of people that don't know each other in a big house and then coordinate everything. That's not what I chose it. But you did choose it, and it went really smoothly. But that is what you signed up for.

Speaker B: Yeah, I think it's the expectation. It's actually realizing that that's who I am and accepting, enjoying it. So that's cool. That's a cool realization.

Speaker A: Yeah. You signed up for basically making sure that everyone had a good time and, ah, that didn't know each other and how the fiscalis hate that. Right?

Speaker B: Yeah. You know, another gift that came out of it, though, was like realizing, you know what I would have relaxed is if Shah had been there, because Shah gets the same joy and ease out of doing that. So then I would have relaxed because I would have known that she was already. And that, uh, it actually made me realize, like, how great. This sounds weird to say, like, Sha and I are how great of a match because of that same kind of vibe and energy of like, really loving bringing people together. So that was another interesting insight that kind of came out of it.

Speaker A: Yeah, that's great.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: I mean, she did a great job of really. I thought she was going to show up because she was so involved, but she wasn't there. I was like, oh, okay, that makes sense. I guess she's pregnant. But she was so involved that. That was amazing because when I think about planning my own party, I was like, I would just plan it myself. I, uh, would never even involve Claudine. But it's awesome that Shaolin's really, you know all the details of who does what and. Yeah.

Speaker B: Oh, uh, wait. So then I have a question. So what's your ideal party?

Speaker A: I wouldn't have a party. I wouldn't do that. So my ideal situation actually is my week in Austin where I just get to do whatever I want and travel and like, like, just be free and do whatever. Like that. Right. That would be my ideal situation. Having to host people is fun and it's like a fun thing to do. But it's also, for me, it's like, of work. And so if I were to do something for my birthday, it would just literally just be like one or two people. And then I just do something like, where it's like, I don't have any plans and we just go, like, figure shit out. That's probably the ideal for me.

Speaker B: You know what's funny is, like, that's my ideal in general. And I feel like I. I'm lucky enough to do that. Enough that I actively chose against that for my birthday because, again, I knew that you're going to get a lot of questions or, uh, enough of what'd you do for your 40th? And I wanted a very clean, simple answer. And now I have it. All I have to say is, like, austin, sauna, cold plunge, boom. Um, they were like, wow, that sounds crazy. And that's what I wanted. I knew it'd be harder and I knew it wouldn't be. Exactly. And this one involved more people because normally I would do exactly what you said, but it's less of a memory for a small group. And then the other cool thing is just as I hope people still talk in the birthday chat and now there are splinter chats. Those were all the goals, right? It took more work, to your point, but that was actually the purpose.

Speaker A: It was great because everyone has something memorable that they can remember your birthday by, and you were able to connect so many different people in your lives into one place. And yeah, it was really well done.

Speaker B: Thanks for that. I appreciate that. Is that the pod?

Speaker A: That's the pod.

Speaker B: That's the pod. See ya.

Speaker A: Thank you so much for listening until the end. If you've enjoyed this episode, please leave us a review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts. It'll help more people like you find us. You can find more about us on Wild show wld sh o w. Please subscribe to our newsletter or DM us on Twitter. We'd love to get to know you.