Choosing Love Is Radical: Peace Begins at Home Summit Preview with Scarlett Lewis & Dr. Suzanne Zeedyk

Dr. Suzanne Zeedyk: Most of the people who engage in shootings like happened for Scarlett's family and community are people who carry terrible pain. And they solved their pain through violence. And it's entirely understandable that people would then get mad at them because they have. They have created terrible pain for other people. But the pain that they committed arises out of the pain that they have so often suffered at an earlier point in their life. And if we cannot get curious about that and we can't face up to that, then it just continues and continues and continues. So when Scarlett talks about having the courage to choose love sounds sweet, but it's not. Choosing love takes determination and courage.

Cherri Jacobs Pruitt: Welcome, everyone, to a special edition of the Power of Partnership podcast. I'm your host, Cherry Jacobs Pruitt, and today's episode is a little different from our usual conversations because it is a preview of a very important event coming up on October 29, 2025. The peace begins at Home Summit is a global gathering that shines a light on one of the most urgent truths of our that peace in the world begins with how we nurture and connect with our children at home. The Summit is a legacy event inspired by the lifelong work of Dr. Rhian Eisler, who is the visionary in showing us how shifting from domination to partnership in our families, our communities, our systems is key to building a more caring and sustainable world. The Summit is hosted by the center for Partnership Systems and hubcast Media. So to give you a preview of what you'll experience at the summit, I'm so honored to be joined today by two of the Summit's featured speakers. Scarlett Lewis, founder of the Jesse Lewis choose love movement, and Dr. Suzanne Z. Dyke, a leading expert in trauma, informed care and and family systems. Welcome, Scarlett and Suzanne.

Dr. Suzanne Zeedyk: It's a delight to be here, really honored.

Scarlett Lewis: Thank you, Cherry. So happy to be here.

Cherri Jacobs Pruitt: So you both come together for this conversation from very different paths. Scarlett, through your own deeply personal journey, and Suzanne, through your decades of research and practice. But what you share is your deep conviction that how we nurture and connect at home will shape the kind of world we all live in. With that in mind, I'd love to start with you, Scarlet. On December 14, 2012, the world watched in sorrow and horror as gun violence reached one of its worst levels yet at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut, where 20 children and six adults were killed. Your son Jesse was one of those children. Sorry.

Scarlett Lewis: Sorry. God.

Cherri Jacobs Pruitt: Uh, when I first was thinking about this, I, like, kept crying every time I would talk about it. And I've done Great. The last couple weeks, but super intense.

Scarlett Lewis: You know what, it's real. It is, it is heartbreaking, Cherry, what's going on in our world. And it's real. You know, it's uh, that's, that's, that's a normal and natural emotion for, for what's happening, uh, still to this day. That's 12 years later.

Cherri Jacobs Pruitt: Yeah, yeah. And I, and I just know that all of our hearts across the world are still with you, your family, the whole entire community. Suzanne, were you gonna say something?

Dr. Suzanne Zeedyk: Yes, Cherry, I was gonna say, uh, it's actually commendable when any of us can feel the pain of that because lots of people cope with it through denial because it's too hard to think about the pain of other people or it's too hard to feel threatened by the possibility that that could happen to us. And so lots of people cope through denial and you aren't. And therefore the pain of it washes over you. I think we should celebrate people who can be in touch with that pain because that's where change will come from.

Scarlett Lewis: Yeah, I agree. It's beautiful, Suzanne.

Cherri Jacobs Pruitt: Well, and I have to also say I'm just so in awe, uh, and honor the strength and your conviction to take a journey from that, uh, such tensely difficult and painful day that it's so difficult to imagine. To take that pain and, and to create the Choose Love movement that you have built. And so can you share a bit with us all about that journey from that horrific day to today?

Scarlett Lewis: Absolutely. And I will say that starting the Choose Love movement, which I did, uh, about a month after the tragedy, was not really my idea. It was my son Jesse's idea. I came home after that tragedy and I found three words that he had written, Nurturing, healing, love on our kitchen chalkboard. And it was like a bolt of lightning that went through me and I realized that that is the solution. That is where we need to turn. Not just for survival as the human race, but for, for helping our children thrive and ourselves. Uh, I found out shortly after the tragedy, within a few days that Jesse had sacrificed his life to save nine of his classmates lives. And when you find out that your 6 year old son has been uh, so heroic like that, it helps, it helps your own bravery. And uh, and I realized that um, that what had happened was preventable and that ah, what we were doing up until that date wasn't working. And doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result is the definition of insanity. I think a very smart guy said that at one Point. And uh, so uh, and I also had a 12 year old son that uh, as a single mom was looking to me as to how to move forward and whether this was going to define his life, how it would and how to turn pain into purpose. And so all of those things kind of work together and help me realize that instead of fighting against something which I see a lot of people doing as we're always a step behind learning from mistakes. I wanted to be for the most powerful unifying connector in the world and that is love. Because without love connection and belonging we suffer. And it is suffering that leads to violence and substance abuse and mental illness for the most part. And you know we can give kids, individuals a choice of choosing love over fear. And so I, you know, taking Jesse's cue from his powerful chalkboard message, I decided this is what I'm going to devote my life to. I'm going to spread love. And uh, you know, and that includes courage and gratitude and forgiveness and compassion. That's the formula that we use for all ages and stages. And it has gone out to 132 countries by word of mouth and referral of the program into homes, into uh, communities and prisons. I mean it's gone way beyond where I ever imagined. But I believe that it is the message of our time. And you know, for those listening who think, well I love, I love, you know, there are things that you can do that are very intentional for yourself and for your children. And it's not just about loving. It's about how we process and thoughtfully respond in different situations in our life that also represents and models love. And uh, and there are some, some learned skills and tools that, that we can provide that fortify us from the inside out to better be able to handle adversity with more strength and grace. And that's what the Choose Love movement is beautiful.

Cherri Jacobs Pruitt: Can you share some stories about what the program looks like and how you have seen those tools really been used by families, communities, um, schools to really change lives?

Scarlett Lewis: Absolutely. I mean we have some very dramatic stories that show the power of teaching this in schools and not just for the students by the way, for the educators as well and within families. There uh, there was um, an incident in Hawaii where uh, I don't know if you remember but they had uh, an alert that came onto their phones on an app saying that there was an incoming missile actually from North Korea and that it would land in 17 minutes. This was on a Saturday morning. And of course can you imagine, uh, just terror of the parents with their kids at home. And there were reports of kids being shoved down manholes and put in bathtubs. And, you know, families have a plan. What do you do? Um, we have a beautiful ambassador on that island who had her own plan. Uh, and that was to just, uh, to go to a hospital with her husband. Uh, her kids were grown. And, um, she found out that, uh, well, of course, that morning, you know, what they decided to do was not go to the hospital, but just stay in bed. It was early morning, holding each other and telling each other that they love each other. And, uh, and then 17 minutes came, 18 minutes, 19 minutes, they turned on the news and they found out that it was a false alarm. Um, but what they. What, what happened on Monday was that our schools started getting calls from parents saying, what are you teaching our kids? Because, as you know, we were freaking out a bit. And understandably, our kids were saying, mom, dad, do a brave breath or let's all do a brave pose. Like, they were using this in the moment. I mean, I mean, from stories like that all the way to a, uh, high schooler in Connecticut, uh, who had attempted suicide, had been hospitalized for that, who had come back into his classroom. His name is Justin. And learned the Choose Love formula and said that it saved his life and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life spreading it because it was so powerful. I mean, just so many stories like this that show that there, There is a universal truth to love. Uh, we do need nurturing, healing, love. And here's the incredible thing that was incredible to me, too. We can actually choose it. Uh, it's always there at any moment. We just have to have the awareness that it's a choice and a few skills and tools to help us along the way to provide, uh, a roadmap, literally, for flourishing.

Cherri Jacobs Pruitt: Beautiful. So the website is kind of the home for the movement. So for people who want to get invol and, uh, get in touch, is that the best way that they reach out?

Scarlett Lewis: Absolutely. The website's chooselovemovement.org and right now, all of our programming is no cost. We do have memberships that help us and certifications, but we wanted to make sure that everybody had access to two essential life skills that can lead to healthy connections and happiness.

Cherri Jacobs Pruitt: Beautiful. Well, thank you so much for sharing a bit of your story, Scarlett, and talking about the Choose Love movement. Um, so, Suzanne, let's. Let's switch to you. Ah, Scarlet's story obviously shows us the human side of this issue of violence in such a powerful way. Your Research is such a critical tool for helping us understand the patterns and. And systems that shape these experiences. Can you share what you've seen in your work regarding patterns that connect home life to peace or violence in society?

Dr. Suzanne Zeedyk: Uh, certainly I can, Cherry. And can I just say, Scarlett, that was really powerful, what you just offered us. Um, because lots of people would drown under the pain that you and your family and community have suffered, and you have found a way to make some sense of it that allows you not to drown in it. Um, so the reason I say that is because it is making sense of what happens to you that matters most for young children and indeed for babies. Um, all sorts of things happen to our children. Um, and some of them have outcomes that we absolutely would not have wanted for our children. Really interestingly, you can have, um, difficult childhoods, and if someone helps you to make sense of it, it does not become toxic. It doesn't warp your stress system, if I put it that way. And so understanding the sense of, that our children are making of their world is a really important place for us to start in our thinking about what can we offer to children. The thing that I find most fascinating as a researcher and as a person is that the experiences children have of relationships, of fear, of confusion, of, um, uncertainty have an impact on their biology. So a minute ago, when Scarlett talked about taking a breath, that's a biological way of calming the body. And, um, we can think of that, like, maybe it sounds really ordinary and not very. Not a very big deal to take a breath, except that when you take a breath and you breathe out slowly, it's a, uh, message to your body that you're not dying, you're not at risk. As, uh, using the analogy that I often use of being eaten by a saber, soothed tiger. And our stress systems underpin our behavior, our feelings, the sense we make of the world, our trust in relationships, our trust in ourselves, it's biological. And a lot of people don't know that, and they've not had an opportunity to know that. So what I do in my work is to try to help people to understand two key things. The first is that we come into the world as human beings already connected to other people. So we're noticing facial expressions, and we're noticing, uh, head postures, and we're noticing the rhythm and the exchanges between us. Babies notice that, and the brain clocks her. And if it feels comfortable, then that has one impact on the stress system. And if it feels uncomfortable, it has a different impact on the stress system. And so that is the second thing that I think is really fascinating is this biological impact of, um, how relationships with other people feel and how the world feels. And if someone comes and helps you when the world feels scary, and if no one helps you, then you develop the stress system that is more anxious, that is more heightened, that is more easily dysregulated. And if someone helps you even when it's scary and hard, your stress system is more resilient and more able to withstand uncertainty. So that starts in the home and in early years settings and in daycare and in school. Those environments have biological impacts on the way children develop. And then they carry that biology into their future adulthood. That's just fascinating and it's also deeply unnerving. So if I am successful in my work as a, uh, speaker and as a researcher in helping people to really get what it means that relationships have a biological impact, then what I have learned. To go back to your question, Sherry, what I have learned is that actually it makes people uncomfortable, it makes people feel guilty, it makes them feel ashamed, it makes them feel overwhelmed because they didn't know how important they were to their children. They didn't know how important they were as a teacher or as an early years staff or as a parent. And to realize how important we are is a little bit unnerving, It's a little bit uncomfortable because we begin to realize maybe I would have done something slightly differently if I had known that. So I work really hard at finding ways to help people to be comfortable with this information, and then they can step into it with curiosity rather than have to shut down. And so if we could do more of that, if we could help people to be curious about actually how, um, important relationships are and how important helping children with their experiences are, if we could help the adults to do that, then we make a difference to how those children grow up. We make a difference to how the grownups handle all sorts of moments of uncertainty. And then we make a difference to, uh, how the world functions. I really believe that. And that is what my experience in working with hundreds of thousands of people now, um, in a variety of countries, uh, that is what it has taught me, is that if we help people, uh, to step into courage, then they don't have to step into denial. And we can make a difference to how communities function and how we function.

Cherri Jacobs Pruitt: Beautiful.

Scarlett Lewis: Dan, do you mind if I ask? I just make a, uh, comment on that as well. I think that's beautiful. I totally agree with everything that you said, and I just want to say to those listening, you know, I started really delving into solutions 12 years ago after my son's murder. I was in so much pain that that got me out of my comfort zone, into my learning and growth zone. And I've had, you know, listening to you, I had to continuously remind myself, you know, people do the best that they can, uh, the skills, tools, and awarenesses that they have. And I didn't know that either. You know, everything that you said through my research, I know is true, but I didn't know that as a young man, and I'm a woman, uh, with my young boys, and, uh, you know, um, I let love lead. And that's beautiful. And, you know, we have natural instincts that help us get there. Sometimes those instincts are blunted by pain or by substance abuse or, um, anger. Uh, but I think that it's really important to know that today's a new day. Every day is a new day. And you're hearing this today. And you can start your journey right now being present with the ones that you love, which I always say is the best way to live your life with the fewest regrets and to start working on yourself, practicing those courage muscles. Because really, that's what courage is. We can all strengthen it. And now that you know better, you do better. And that's what I'm reminding myself, too, as I'm listening to you.

Dr. Suzanne Zeedyk: And so, Scarlett, if I come back and. Cheri, I know we've just taken over and now you don't even have time for your questions, but if I just. If I come back to what you just said, you talked about, um, drug and alcohol use and their substance use. Substances help. So they're like external teddy bears. That's what I call them. Substances help calm you when you can't calm yourself from inside. So I talk about your teddy bear system and your saber tooth tiger system. And if you don't have a robust internal teddy bear, then you will need an external teddy bear to help you calm down. Drugs are great for that.

Scarlett Lewis: That illustrative idea, uh, that makes a lot of sense.

Cherri Jacobs Pruitt: Yeah.

Dr. Suzanne Zeedyk: Um, cake is great for that. Um, running is great for that. Shopping is great for that.

Scarlett Lewis: Um, scrolling.

Dr. Suzanne Zeedyk: But scrolling on your phone is great for that. But part of the trouble is that some of the external teddy bears that we reach for have other consequences.

Scarlett Lewis: Yeah.

Dr. Suzanne Zeedyk: And so our prisons are warehouses for traumatized people. And if you have a society that thinks that those are bad people and therefore they deserve punishment, then you don't look for where they carry pain. You don't look for how you could help and you tend to make it worse. So American prisons and British prisons are full of people who got involved with drugs. And we are not helping if we are not curious about how the drugs intersects with trauma, intersects with the criminal justice system. And then people make money off of it. So prisons become money making institutions for traumatized people. And that's just one example. If I give one more and I move us into edgy territory because I like spending time in edgy territory. Many, most of the people who engage in shootings like happened for Scarlett's family and community are, ah, people who carry terrible pain and they solved their pain through violence. And it's entirely understandable that people would then get mad at them because they have pain, they have created terrible pain for other people. But the pain that they committed arises out of the pain that they have so often suffered at an earlier point in their life. And if we cannot get curious about that and uh, we can't face up to that, then it just continues and continues and continues. So when Scarlett talks about having the courage to choose love sounds sweet, but it's not. Choosing love takes determination and courage.

Scarlett Lewis: Oh, uh, yeah, Suzanne. And I'll just say I can validate what you're saying because I speak to school shooters and I know Adam Lanza's history was the man who murdered Jesse, the former student who came back to his elementary school. But I've spoken to others since then and they have horrendous origin story and that doesn't condone anything that they've done. But what I will say is that they were not fortified with the skills and tools they needed or even the awareness that pain has a purpose in our lives. It is there to help us learn, grow, and be strengthened. That's what the Choose Love Movements program teaches. That's what we all need to know as human beings. So that rather than resisting, avoiding numbing ourselves, grabbing our external teddy bear, we can look at what's happening, uh, when we're in pain, recognize it, have the courage to face it, and get curious, as you said, about what the lessons are, how it's going to help us grow and strengthen. That whole concept is called post traumatic growth. When I started, I mean, I couldn't get anybody that knew what that even was, uh, had never heard of it because we're so in the PTSD realm that we really don't look towards how stress, anxiety, totally natural responses, by the way, and even pain can help us. In fact, we know that stress is actually the pathway to Resilience. Yeah, We've demonized it. We want to medicate it away. And so there's just a, uh, there's a. There's a more courageous way of looking at this if, you know, you're. You're willing to listen and actually, as you said, Suzanne and I totally agree, do the work.

Dr. Suzanne Zeedyk: So, Cherry, it turns out that choosing love is radical. It sounds sweet, but it's not sweet.

Scarlett Lewis: It's radical, which is choosing love over fear. My goodness.

Cherri Jacobs Pruitt: Absolutely. What a. What.

Dr. Suzanne Zeedyk: How.

Cherri Jacobs Pruitt: What a powerful message. It's so exciting.

Scarlett Lewis: Is exciting, though, you know, because this is for everyone and everyone listening. You want to be able to choose love over fear. You want to become the best version of your life. Then you do, you get a different perspective on your pain. You use it to grow through it. You don't throw it away. It's not meaningless. It's not random. Take it and use it and become the best version of yourself. That's exciting. That's hopeful.

Cherri Jacobs Pruitt: You are listening to the Power of Partnership podcast. We hope you are enjoying today's episode and you will consider joining our family of sponsors. Or you can help us attract, uh, sponsors by downloading, following, or subscribing to the series and liking and rating each other each episode you view on YouTube. We also would love to hear from you, including if you have a partnership story that you would like to share, reach out to us@centerartnershipway.org and now back to today's episode. So I'm excited to move us into talking a bit about the. Or a lot about the summit. The piece begins at home. Summit. But before I do, um, Suzanne, can you speak a little bit about your journey of, uh, your role as an internationally known expert on trauma informed systems? And, uh, you know, I think it'd be really helpful for us to all get to know you a little bit more, too.

Dr. Suzanne Zeedyk: Sure. I am, by training a baby scientist. So I studied, when I was an academic the capacities that babies bring with them at birth to communicate and how they respond in relationships. Because I think babies are fascinating and our core capacities as human being are really profound. But I learned something that was uncomfortable for me over the 20 years that I was a standard academic and researcher, and that was that the rest of the world often did not have access to the science that the scientists have access to. And I didn't study medieval poetry or the composition of dust on the moon. I studied babies and children and relationships. And if other people out there in the world, teachers, police officers, social workers, manufacturers of baby Buggies, designers of car seats, parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles. If those people did not have access to that science, I couldn't quite figure what we were doing it for. And so I became more and more troubled by that. And eventually in 2011, I took what was for me a really radical decision. I decided to step away from full time academia and translate what I call the science of connection for the wider public. And that is what I have been doing ever since. And so I bring the kinds of insights that we have already been talking about to whoever wants to talk about this, uh, to all of those audiences, um, to organizations who want to disseminate it to other people. Um, I now speak, I train, I put on my own events, we show films, we put on exhibitions, we put together, um, community events that people might come to. And one of the things that, that grew cherry that I think would be of interest to your listeners is that here in Scotland, where I am based, um, more and more interest, uh, grew over the last 20 years and especially the last five years or so in what's known as adverse childhood experiences, which is a particular area of science which speaks to this. Uh, if you have difficult experiences in your childhood, you, it has a biological impact. And then that leads to diseases in your adulthood like heart disease and diabetes and cancer and all sorts of things that we think of as medical diseases, but they're underpinned by a stress system that is overwhelmed and can't come back to a place of health. And so in Scotland now, especially since 2017, uh, when it exploded in the public, there's now a big movement of people who are interested in this, who are interested in trauma and to see that through a relational lens. And so I, my voice has been one of the voices that has tried to help us to think that through along with lots of other people. I am really excited and made hopeful because of all the people who really want to know this, if we are brave enough to step into it. And so if one of the things that the summit does is allow the more, uh, into, you know, more of a network to be created as it reaches other people who may not have the biological language and may not use the language of aces or trauma or relationships, we can bring lots of different words and phrases and framings to a recognition actually of the importance of love. But the scientists are often scared to use that language of love. So we need voices like Scarlet's to bring us full circle, to help the scientists to realize that what we're talking about is love and that it's okay to use that language.

Cherri Jacobs Pruitt: Yeah, yeah. And the summit, the agenda, I think, has a beautiful balance to do exactly that. And another one of those frameworks that is very front and center, as you both know in the summit, is the emphasis on how dismantling the domination paradigm, replacing it with partnership based systems and practices, is a really foundational solution for addressing violence in our societies. Can you each speak a bit about how you see partnership as a way of relating and structuring our lives as the antidote to these challenges of violence in our society that we're talking about? Um, Scarlet, I think I'd like to ask you to take first at that, and then Suzanne, I'll ask you to add anything, um, that you might feel moved to add.

Scarlett Lewis: Yeah, absolutely. And I think Suzanne said it, uh, in what she was saying earlier, uh, hurt people. Hurt people. And so that's a big of part, part of our message and what we teach when we go in to, from pre K all the way to 12th grade, adults have to be reminded that, um, the way that our brains are wired, we are defensive and uh, we want to protect ourselves. And that's understandably both, uh, understandable both, uh, physically and emotionally. Um, what we teach kids to do is have the courage to pause if your life is not in danger, have the courage to pause, uh, and get curious about what's happening. So, uh, the fascinating thing to me is the way that our brain processes information. Information comes into it through our five senses, and then it's sent to the prefrontal cortex and our amygdala, our fear center. The thing is, our fear center is four times faster at processing this information. So what does that mean? That means that if Suzanne, uh, said, uh, something about my lighting, uh, uh, and I perceived it to be off putting, didn't even have to be meant that way. My defense has come up. And when my defenses come up, my amygdala can hijack that information and I can react. And I would react out of defensiveness, which would be anger, which would be, well, look at your lighting or, you know, like, would escalate. Um, but what we can do as humans is pause, get curious. That curiosity allows our prefrontal cortex to come online. Now, our prefrontal cortex is where our executive functioning lies. It's also where the brake on our instinctual reactions is. It's where our understanding of right or wrong is. It's where the highest and best self lives. So I might pause when I hear that comment about my lighting, which I know is off. Everyone and I Might. I might get curious and say, hey, is it off? Yeah, it is kind of off. Or maybe, uh, if it was, um, maybe if it really triggered me, I would, uh. You know, we always bring the formula into it. Takes courage to pause. But then I might consider forgiveness, because I know that Suzanne is here doing the same as I am, trying to make the world a better place. And maybe I might respond with compassion and say, thank you, Suzanne. I appreciate you doing that. Um, I know it could be better, uh, you know, and just handle it from my highest and best self in my full power. Now when I'm reacting, I have lost my locus of control. It's outside of myself, and I'm not in my full power. And so, you know, you talked about violence, and I gave you a very long kind of neuroscientific explanation of how the brain processes information. But if you don't know that, if you don't know that, you know, your. Your amygdala can hijack information, and you can literally be part of the problem and escalate it. And here's. Here's the upgraded understanding that we have now through the latest research. We know that once. Once we leave this situation. And I go and I tell my mom, she says, how did the. How did that interview go? And I go, oh, this woman, Suzanne, you'll not believe it. She was saying all these things about my lighting. Well, now it's become a grievance. And, you know, in the pathway to violence, it starts with a grievance, and it ends in an attack. Right. So that grievance is located in the same place the. Using the same channels in my brain as addiction. So now I have escalated this whole thing, and I'm going to keep it going myself. And my addiction channels are going to, uh, are going to reward me for doing that through dopamine. And so I think understanding that, understanding that doesn't. It feels good temporarily, but I have to keep up this facade of being angry, and that eventually leads to destruction of myself and maybe other people. But understanding, uh, a grievance, as we do now, we also understand the root cause. And when you understand the root cause, the why, then you can solve it. And so educating kids about this, letting them know, hey, it's a choice. Understand how your brain is processing this, and you can choose love over, well, fear, which is really, you know, anger, hatred, and resentment are a mask for fear. So at the very root, it's choosing love over fear. And when kids understand that this is actually fear, that, uh, kids with bullying behavior Notice I don't say bullies because I don't like labeling kids. Those kids are in pain and they don't know what to do with it, so they off put it onto other people. But when you understand that, when you put that into this interaction and there's this greater understanding of what's really going on, then I think, Suzanne, you also said this. You can, you can come to the table with this, with a new way of responding, and you can de escalate and you can be the model that helps other people know that it doesn't have to go down, uh, a negative path.

Cherri Jacobs Pruitt: Yeah, beautiful. Yeah. And you said so many, gave so many great examples of that difference between thinking in a domination paradigm of my way is the right way. I need to be in charge. So you're, you know, you're telling me about the light, you know, even though, you know the light's not great. It's, it's my life, you know, it's, this is how I want it to be. And so you're immediately going down that domination, fear based path. So it's almost like the amygdala, um, is like your, um, you know, your, your, your entryway into the domination mindset. It just kind of keeps you locked in there in that cycle. I loved you talking about curiosity because that's another my way isn't the right way. You know, if we can be curious to understand other approaches. Yeah. So beautiful. So I love those examples of, um, ways that we can really shift out of the domination paradigm, get into the part of our brain where really we can think more clearly and be curious. Um, how about you, Suzanne? What would you like to add about this domination paradigm being so critical to dismantle?

Dr. Suzanne Zeedyk: It's a great question, Sherry. And if I just build on what Scarlett said, the lovely things that she described about making a different choice and not choosing fear and um, going to a different place when she feels, um, basically when she feels humiliated by Suzanne, because Suzanne, the pretend Suzanne here said something about her lighting that is a place of uncertainty and messiness. That pause, that wondering about why did Suzanne say that? Or why has she noticed something that I never even noticed or. Oh my God, lots of people noticed this about me, right? That messiness that is going on in the made up Scarlet's head now that I've just made up is a moment of uncertainty. Biologically, we don't like uncertainty. So we want to bring it to a close if we have the kinds of experiences that Scarlett and I have been talking about, and if we have partnership experiences rather than domination experiences. We build a stress system that is better at coping with uncertainty, and we don't have to bring things to a close. I think it is fascinating that is underpinned by biological structures. So the literal pathways in your brain to the amygdala are different if you can bear uncertainty than if uncertainty is overwhelming and terrible for you. Okay, we need a law of capacity for uncertainty. At the moment. The world is collapsing at the moment, if collapsing is the right word, in war, in violence, um, in terrible political conflict across a lot of countries. So that means the uncertainty that we have to live with is even scarier than it might have been before it felt like there was a flare up in all of this violence. Uh, the. I'm just going to say it again. The biological capacity to cope with uncertainty and to step into curiosity, which continues the uncertainty, is really celebratory, and it's part of what we're talking about here, and it's part of what partnership gives you in a way that domination does not help you to be comfortable with uncertainty. So every time any of us copes with uncertainty or can help someone else to do that, and we can shine a light on the fact that right now we are living with uncertainty. It moves the world toward love, to use Scarlet's word. It moves the world toward the capacity to end wars and to keep people out of prison and to create the kind of world that, uh, we're talking about here and that the summit is all about. How do we do that? Well, it starts with the capacity for curiosity and staying in the midst of uncertainty rather than closing it down. And that feels really possible, although even that feels big. But it doesn't feel like I have to. I have to solve all the world's problems. I have to figure out how to end war. I don't know how to do that. What I do know is that if I can live with more uncertainty, I'm less likely to make war more likely. And I'm, um, less likely to make strife in my own community more likely. And in fact, it will help other people to stand in uncertainty, too. And that will make a difference.

Scarlett Lewis: And I just add to that, uh, one of the foundational components of the Choose Love movement. We say we can't always choose what happens to us, but we can choose how we thoughtfully respond. So when you're out there and you're feeling the enormity of what's happening, the change, you know, you say discomfort, but discomfort is what happens when there's change and that we can control. You can, um, be present within yourself and realize, yeah, you can't change all that stuff out there, but you. You do have control over how you thoughtfully respond. And there's a big difference between when I react to you, you know, in our. In our. In our scenario that we set up, if I reacted to you out of pain and anger, or if I paused and I used my highest and best self, my prefrontal cortex, and thoughtfully responded with love, that getting enough people to understand that and do that, that promotes positive change, that promotes safety and, well being.

Cherri Jacobs Pruitt: Beautiful. Why should people, uh, register for the summit? Why do you feel like this is going to be such a powerful opportunity for everyone across the world?

Dr. Suzanne Zeedyk: Because it creates a community of hope, right? Because it lets us know that there are hundreds, thousands of people out there who want to have the kind of world that I want to have. And m. In the dark moments, in the moments of doubt, in the moments when I think I cannot turn on the news again, it will help me to know that there's a community of people out there actively working and curious about what we can do, about what we can know, about how we can work together. At the very least, it'll help me. But if it'll help me, then I think there are lots of other people who will also feel helped and will take away hope. We need community right now to tackle these really big problems. And so I see the summit as creating a sense of global community.

Cherri Jacobs Pruitt: Beautiful. Scarlett, how about you? Anything you'd like to add for anyone who may be out there, who is not sure if they want to really take the time to register and attend the summit, either live or watch it through the recording version that's going to be available for all registrants for 60 days following the summit. So what would you like to say to those folks who may be on the fence, who may be undecided?

Scarlett Lewis: Well, first of all, if you've listened this far and you're intrigued, you're going to get a lot more of this. And I think it's really important every single day that we learn and grow. When we stop doing that, that's the end of our life. So, uh, you want to learn and grow. You want to be part of the solution. And that includes and is really yourself. I mean, we're all like, I was talking to my mom about this earlier. Like, we have this internal light within us. And even if you're in what seems to be utter darkness in your life, you have this light that you can remember that it's there. You can turn on, you can make choices, you can flash around you, you can add to other people's lights, which is what Suzanne was talking about. Um, I loved that thought of people coming together because we're, you know, united, we're strong, divided, we're weak. And you've got this community here that is giving the essential life skills that we need as individuals and as a community to create the world that we all want to live in, one that is safe and kind. So join. And don't just join. Tell your friends about it. Share the link. Like, let's just really get this out there. The time is now. There's never been a more important time. I don't do every, uh, everything that comes my way, every summit, I couldn't possibly. But I chose this one because I believe in the people that are running it and the quality of people that they're bringing in. So I wholly heart, wholeheartedly endorse this summit. Um, and I think you've gotten just a little taste of it, and if you like what you've gotten, then definitely sign up and have your friends sign up, too. And let's just. Let's do this together.

Cherri Jacobs Pruitt: Beautiful. So, first of all, let me say to our listeners, and I will also add this in the show notes for today's episode, that the site where you can go to register is PeaceBeginsAtHomeSummit.org and the summit will, uh, when you register, you will also get access to the Summit Handbook, which is going to be capturing all of these very concrete tools and resources to build on that hope so that people can take those resources into their communities across the world. Well, before we close our time together with this powerful preview of what people can expect from the Peace Begins at Home Summit, I'd like to ask you each to just share some final words with our listeners and viewers. And Suzanne, I'd love to ask you to start.

Dr. Suzanne Zeedyk: Uh, between now and the summit, one thing that all of us could do is practice listening, right? So almost is a countdown to the Summit. If we listen to feelings, that's what matters to babies and matters to young children. That's how you feel heard. And it is in feeling heard that your nervous system feels safe. So one thing we could do, ah, any of us right now, is just practice getting better at listening in those little tiny moments that will have a biological impact and that will have, um, future resonances that we can't even imagine. And that will keep us all busy until 29 October, when the summit Happens.

Cherri Jacobs Pruitt: Lovely. Wow.

Scarlett Lewis: Wow, that's powerful. And I completely agree. Uh, yes, active listening, that's a skill. And I can tell you also that the shooters that I've spoken to, um, they all say they didn't feel seen, they didn't feel seen or heard. And so, you know, people, people want you to know and. But it takes courage to be present with somebody in pain. So, so see and listen. I totally agree. And also I would say remind yourself that every interaction, situation, circumstance that you're in, you have a choice. And you have a choice between reacting and when you react, you do it out of habit or memory. Those habits don't always serve you and the memories aren't always accurate. So you can react. And by the way, it works for the most part throughout the day. But when you get into a situation, when you get into a conflict, when you're addressing something new, when you have to critically think, that pause and allowing, or, uh, when you're triggered, that pause to allow information to get to your prefrontal cortex that, that curiosity enables you to make what we call a heroic choice of love. And so I would say just remind, remind yourself, write it on a sticky note. I have a choice. You have a choice. And if you haven't made good choices up until now, remind yourself every single new day is another opportunity. People, there are people that didn't get today, you did to make a choice of love. Love is always the most powerful choice, and you have it in every situation, circumstance or interaction. Remind your friends. Remind them everywhere. Uh, and do that until the summit where we're going to remind you some more.

Cherri Jacobs Pruitt: Beautiful. Well, I want to thank you both so much for sharing your wisdom and your hearts with all of us today. So again, friends, what you've heard has been a glimpse of the conversations waiting for you at the Peace Begins at home summit on October 29, 2025. On behalf of Rhiannon Eisler and the entire team at the center for Partnership Systems and Hubcap Media, we all invite you again to be part of this important and inspiring event. Each of us has the power to plant seeds of peace in our homes and communities. And when those seeds take root, they can transform the entire world. Again, you can Register at Peace. Beginsathomesummit.org your registration will include 60 day access to the full recording, as well as the Summit handbook, which is going to be a powerful collection of insights, practices and tools from all of the speakers to really help us create a world where peace truly does begin at home. Uh, as I shared, I'LL include all of those links in the show notes as well as the link to the Choose Love movement and to Suzanne's work and research. Goodbye for now and we'll see you at the summit.

Dr. Suzanne Zeedyk: Bye bye. Thank you.

Scarlett Lewis: Thank you. Bye bye. See you there.

Cherri Jacobs Pruitt: Thank you for listening to the Power of Partnership podcast. We're grateful to Rise Up Appalachia for the use of Resilience as our Power of Partnership theme music. If you would like us to feature your partnership story or if you would like to be a proud sponsor of the Power of Partnership podcast, please contact us at, uh, centerartnershipway ah.org we hope you enjoyed this episode and will leave us a review on your favorite podcast channel. And don't forget to subscribe to be notified when new episodes are released. I'm Cherry Jacobs Pruitt. See you next time on the Power of Partnership podcast.

Scarlett Lewis: Uh,

Cherri Jacobs Pruitt: I'll, uh, close my mouth and learn to listen.