More Than Survival: Creating Joy in Foster Care

Foreign. Welcome to Mindful Management, a podcast by Chefalo Consulting where we share the knowledge, stories and resources you need to create a trauma informed culture that supports wellness, growth and resilience. I'm your host, Shenandoah Scheffalo. There are tens of thousands of children and teens engaged with the Massachusetts Doctors Department of Children and Family at any given time. But behind every number is a young person who's navigating loss, uncertainty and systems that weren't built with their trauma in mind. Today we're talking about what it looks like to meet those young people with joy and safety, with emergency essentials and the kinds of experiences that remind them that they matter. Our guest today is going to be Lauren Baker, who has spent the last decade asking a very powerful question and it's one that's been on my mind for a while. What if every child in DCF care could feel the simple magic of being a child again? From the halls of the State House to Holiday Wish List, camp scholarships, duffel bags, museum passes, Lauren has helped grow the Wonder Fund, a nonprofit that partners with DCF to bring both comfort and opportunity to children across the state of Massachusetts. In this conversation, we'll explore her journey into this work, the founding and growth of wonderfund, and her hopes for what foster care could look like over the next 10 years. Welcome back to Mindful Management. I'm your host, Shenandoah Scheffalo and we built this podcast so we could share stories and create healing centered share human communities. Today I am thrilled to introduce everybody to Lauren Baker, founder and CEO of WonderFund, a private nonprofit that exclusively serves children and teens. Engaged with the Massachusetts Department of Children and Families. Through this unique partnership with dcf, wonderfund provides emergency essentials such as clothing, duffel bags and gift cards, funds for enrichment opportunities like Sports Arts Camp, and certifications that help restore dignity, confidence and joy. From 2015 to 2023, Lauren served as the First lady of Massachusetts where she made the well being of children a central focus of her public work and helped launch and champion the Wonder Fund as her signature initiative. Under her leadership, wonderfund has expanded its reach to tens of thousands of children each year through emergency aid, holiday gift drives, the WonderFund access card, YMCA partnerships, and countless moments that matter that allow kids in DCF care to simply be kids. Lauren also played a key role in co founding the Massachusetts COVID 19 Relief Fund, which provided emergency support to communities across the Commonwealth. Lauren, it is such a joy and I am so grateful for you being here. Welcome to Mindful management. Thank you. I'm so honored to be asked to be here. So thanks. I am so happy to have you. And I want to spend a lot of time talking about Wonder Fund and everything that it does. But I like to start with you. As you know, when you look back, what are some early experiences or influence that shaped your passion around children and families, maybe even before you became first lady of Massachusetts? Well, I've always been involved in teaching and being a camp counselor and working with kids since I was very young. I was a gymnast the whole time growing up, and the way that we raised money for our gymnastics program was to teach gymnastics all the time. So I started teaching gymnastics when I was, like, an eighth grader, and I never really stopped. And there's something so special about watching a child realize that they try something, they'll do something new or, you know, achieve something that they've been afraid to try or whatever. And I like being around kids. I think they're incredible. So I've always done that kind of thing all through high school and college and even afterwards. So when I became first lady, you know, the expectation of every first lady is that you'll do good work. And in Massachusetts, it's not at all prescribed what you do. So I really wanted to be able to improve the lives of the children of Massachusetts. And I just. I focused on this particularly, in my opinion, vulnerable population of kids who are involved in the child welfare system. And that's where it started. How do you balance that public role as first lady with this deeply personal mission, especially around kids in care and kids in dcf? Because those can be two really hard things where in DCF there's a lot of privacy, a lot of that, and yet you're this really public role. What was that like? And how did that shape your experience with Wonder Fund? Well, I never would have chosen public life. It was a dream of my husband's, and it was really magical to be able to go on that journey with my husband, and it was really incredible. That said, it was a pretty steep learning curve for me to figure out how to leverage the public office. The fact that I was married to the governor, the fact that I was first lady, how do I leverage that to draw attention to the child welfare system? And what do they need? And how can we, as a Commonwealth support these kids? Because these are our kids. They're not someone else's kids. These are our future. So. So for our listeners who may be new to Wonder Fund, can you just share, Share about Wonder Fund, how it grew out of the early efforts to support kids in dcf. And I'm wondering, was there a moment in that role as first lady where you thought, we can't keep letting kids go on without support? Well, the Wonder Fund as we know it today is about 8 years old, and it was built on the foundation of an organization called the DCF Kids Fund, which was started by a social worker in the 90s as a pass through organization so that she could collect private funds to buy holiday gifts for kids in foster care. You know, she was a public employee, so she wasn't allowed to do private fundraising, but that this mechanism of a nonprofit allowed her to do that. And when I found out about this organization, the founder, the social worker, had just retired and she wanted her work to continue. So, you know, I started working with them, and I thought I was just going to raise some money, help draw attention to this program, and then move on to the next thing. But as I got in there, I realized that she had created something really special that had a lot of potential to give very broad support to the department of children and families and therefore to the kids. But it wasn't set up so that it could scale. So we, you know, we re engineered the thing so that it could scale so that we could provide lots of different kinds of resources and opportunities and then raise the money that was needed to serve 35,000 kids. And I think one of the moments that really made a difference for me early on was this teenage girl who had grown up in and out of foster care because her mother was addicted to drugs and was in and out of recovery. And. And this girl was turning 16. She was starting to make bad choices in who she hung out with and what she was doing. Totally understandable given her life and the challenges that she dealt with. And her social worker was really concerned. And her social worker sat her down at one of their meetings and said, okay, February vacation's coming up. What are you going to do? And they talked about it for a while, and something came up where this girl said, I'd like to be a lifeguard. And the social work's like, ding, ding, ding, that's awesome. Let's. And so she called the Wonder Fund. We gave the funds so that this girl could sign up for a lifeguard certification course during February vacation. I don't know what it was. $500 something. But she never would have done it without the funding. She did that. She got her certification, and then guess what? She met other kids in this program. She built skills. She was able to get a really great healthy summer job in a healthy environment. And I argue that that changed the trajectory of her life. Yeah. Saved her own life. Yeah. And I get asked this question quite a bit as a survivor from the system, and people say, like, well, what happened? What was the Nexus? Or these pieces? And this is why I wanted to have you on Lauren, why I want to promote wonderfund, why it's so close to my heart. Lots of people know I spent time and that I aged out of foster care. And so that means I turned 18 in my senior year. Now, for 90% of kids in the United States, that won't cause any kind of issue. And it's not a big deal at all. Right. You're just the oldest kid in your class. For kids in care, it causes all kinds of stumbling blocks. And so when I tell the story about aging out and trying to figure out what I was going to do, and my only goal at the time was a high school diploma, I didn't have dreams beyond that. And there was a sense that kids like me don't go to college. And I picked up on that vibe. I was pretty aware of that. So in high school, I was working at a hardware store as a cashier, but I worked that job so I could pay for what I called the extras of being in care, because things like being part of the volleyball team weren't covered. And depending on your placement, your foster parents may or may not pay for those things. And so for me, clothes, extra snacks, haircuts, like that, that's why I worked this job. And so when it came time to apply for college, I didn't have the extra funds to even pay the application fee. And I think so many people miss that. Just like your story about the lifeguarding certification that for most people, they wouldn't even question. Of course, like, they meet people, they get the certification, they do different things. But for kids in care, even those things that you think would be covered by the system aren't. And so there is a needed gap for all kinds of things, big and small, and not just in Massachusetts. I mean, this is something we see in every state in the United States. Absolutely. It's hard if you don't have lived experience to fully understand how a child or a teenager feels and how they perceive the world around them. Yeah, the barriers, if you had a happy childhood, growing up, or, you know, you're. You're an employed adult, like, it doesn't occur to you that bus fare could be the difference between going to school ever or Not. Yeah. I can't tell you how many requests I get from social workers who are like, I have a kid who needs a license, can't pay for driver's ed. It's all of these things that I think the general public just forget. Like, these are big asks kids are, you know, they're asking for, but they make huge differences. The other thing about Wonderfund that I find so unique is the partnership that you have with DCF is really distinct because there's lots of little nonprofits and states doing things, and some of them are incredible. But you have a really unique relationship with dcf, and I'm wondering if maybe you can share with us what you've learned about collaborating with such a large system and being able to manage the nonprofit and what you're doing as well. Thank you. Yeah. We have a beautiful business model. And the credit goes to Saf Caruso, who was the original social worker who said, I need to raise money from the private sector to get holiday gifts. And her presenting that created this. And I think the fact that she was a career social worker brought with it this built in trust that she wouldn't break the rules or whatever. And when I came into the picture, she was probably 15 years into this DCF Kids Fund. I saw it as a huge resource. And we have been working every single day to reassure the social workers and the staff at DCF that we are here for the long term. And that started with me proving to them that I was going to raise the money that was needed to do the things we said we would do. And we try every day to say yes to every kind of request that comes in. And it's a constant back and forth. We ask for feedback, and they give it to us. If they say, hey, you know, these hygiene kits that you're making are awesome. Except if you're a kid with textured hair. If you're a kid with textured hair, this kind of shampoo doesn't work right for you. And we're like, oh, my God. Thank you for telling us. Now we have a special hair care kit for kids of color. You know, that's awesome. It's a constant feedback mechanism. And it's a lot about building trust. But the other part of it is we are very open about DCF manages the relationship with the child. We do not. We never meet the kids. We don't have any expectation of that, and neither do our donors. Everybody understands that these children, they're safe and they're protected by confidentiality. And so we have Created systems and processes where we can write a grant for somebody to take gymnastics without knowing who they are. Who they are. Yeah. And without telling the gymnastics school that this child is DCF engaged. And the social workers play a big role in that. You know, it's a back and forth. But if you're willing to accept that this is a huge state agency that has all these rules and regulations for very good reasons, then we can bring the private sector agility to that. So if there's a special request, we can move on it fast. Where they'd have to put out an rfp and, you know, so it's a back and forth. Yes. In the end, this is really about belonging, confidence, joy. And that, to me, is the center of trauma informed. But I'm also wondering, because I know there's leaders who are like, what's the data? We're living in a data era. Lauren. Yes, ma'? Am. How do you think about tracking impact in a way that honors the numbers, but also those numbers happen to have heartbeats. Yes, they do. It's hard, you know, I mean, we can track everything. We can track, like, we know how much we spend. We know how much we raise. We know how much we spend on grants and apparel and duffel bags, and we know how many of each thing we do, and we know that behind each thing that we do is a child. And that child has been positively impacted by that thing. Like, we can tell you how many hygiene kits the Burlington office gave out last year and how many kids at that office got a holiday gift. We manage those, and we know all that kind of stuff. Yeah. But until you hear the stories that go with the number, the numbers are just numbers, you know, if you could say, wow, we did 5,000 backpacks last year. It's like, awesome. 5,000 kids got a backpack. Awesome. But if we tell you that one of those kids who got a backpack was somebody, you know, who suffered through being kept in a basement and missed the whole third grade because they were being kept in a basement. And then when they were finally freed from that horrible situation, they were put into a foster care and sent into a new school and had to make all new friends. And when they were handed a new outfit for the first day of school and a cool backpack that had everything they needed in it, they felt a little bit better about themselves, you know, and then the backpack isn't just a backpack. It means so much more. That's the piece. And I think in this work and trauma informed work that is hard to put into a Report. It's just right. You have to be there. I'm wondering, Lauren, because you sit in such a unique position, is there something you wish you could tell or that you wish more leaders understood about trauma resilience and what kids actually need from the adults around them? Oh, yeah. I mean, I. You know, I will never forget the first time I went to a workshop on trauma informed principles. I had really very little understanding of what it meant before I went. Right. So I went, I learned. And once you wrap your brain around the impact of trauma on a person for their entire life, you can't unknow that. And it changes the way, hopefully it changes the way that you interact with other humans, your spouse, your children, your coworkers, and these kids that we serve. Right. And so it is all about not what's wrong with you, but what happened to you. Like, think about what is behind this behavior. Don't judge and react to this behavior you're seeing. Take a step back, take a deep breath, and try to figure out why. That's what I would ask all people to do when they're encountering other people. Try to think about where they're coming from. Cause until you walk in their shoes, you have no idea. I love this, Lauren. I love that you brought this up. And I actually talk about this in training. I call this the trauma informed paradigm shift. Because for me, the not what's wrong with you? And I often joke and say, Cause if you ask me, shen, what's wrong with you? I'll be like, how much time do you have? There's a lot of places we could go there, right? And that switch from what's wrong with you to what happened to you is huge. But the challenge to me is moving not from what's wrong with you, but what's strong in you. How do we start to see people from their assets and not their deficits? Right? So in other words, I can see you, Lauren, as rebellious or not able to sit still or defiant, but that's seeing you from deficit, right? How do I see you from somebody who stands up for what they believe in, who's firm? And when I make that slight shift in my mind, it's like, how can I use that to help us put you forward? That's what I think so many people need to do, not just for the families and kids, but for each other as colleagues. That even when a colleague annoys us or a political opponent annoys us, if we only see them as their worst trait, that's all they can ever be. I Love that. I think you're exactly right. And I think, you know, that's one of the things that I love about the Wonder Fund is a social worker can use the resources that we offer as a tool to say, hey, what do your friends like to do after school? What do you like to do? What's your favorite way to pass time? You know, and no matter what the kid says, the social worker can say, oh, that's so cool. You know, I know this group of people who, if you tell them what you wanted, they'll buy you the art set, or we can send you to football camp or buy your cleats or whatever it is, you know? Yeah, the question and curiosity is so important, but when we talk about resilience, people talk about it so often as this abstract thing. Like, some people are born with it and some people aren't. The center of the developing child at Harvard studied this quite deeply and said, resilience is actually a learned behavior. And because it's a learned behavior, we can teach it at any age. So it's a skill you can learn, and you can learn it in all of these ways. But one of the ways is to get really good at something. And the thing doesn't matter, to your point, football, baking, gardening, robotics, whatever your thing is, doesn't matter. But we know that practicing can help us rewire the brain. But the other piece of this work is, Lauren. How do you stay grounded and not burnt out with all the heartbreaking stories and lead with vulnerability and empathy, which is so crucial to what Wonderfund does? How do you balance those two pieces? I mean, I think I focus on the positive of what we're doing. I know that I can bring joy to a child who's in a tough spot with some small. It doesn't have to be, you know, expensive or grand or anything but a gesture. And I focus on, you know, sort of the starfish story, like, help this one, and then I'm gonna help this one. That's right. So that you don't get overwhelmed by, you know, oh, my God, there are 35,000 kids in Massachusetts who are in this population. But focusing on bringing joy, giving agency, making improvements in the lives of one at a time, one at a time. And we're doing it. And every day we can look back and say, wow, we did this today. You know, and so to me, I'm just so grateful that I get to do this work. It's really joyful work. And, you know, the social workers who handle the cases, they're the Ones who are real saints. I mean, they have all of it. I only focus on the joyful part. You know, I don't have to deal with the court dates and the horribleness that they encounter. So, I mean, I feel very blessed that I can do this work and that I can be helpful in that way. You know, I don't know how people who work in the system balance that, you know, and how they deal with the secondary trauma. I really. This is not something that I'm really aware of. I really don't know how to do that. When you think about the next chapter for Wonder Fun, what do you dream about? Is it new partnerships, new regions, new kinds of moments that matter? I think we're just to the point where we're not quite a startup anymore. And so what I want to do is fill the need. You know, in my perfect world, every child who has to be involved in the child welfare system will have an activity that they chose that they're excited about every single quarter. And they're gonna go to six weeks of summer camp and they're gonna have a great time and they're gonna have new clothes and the right school uniform and a cool backpack and a holiday gift or two. So that hopefully when they're no longer in the child welfare system and they found their forever family or whatever, their happy ending happens. And that then we look back over their time involved with child welfare, they can say, yeah, all this happened, but this happened also. You know, I got my green belt in karate, or I went on the eighth grade's field trip. Like, whatever that thing is, I want them to have something positive to take out of their time in the child welfare system. Lauren, it fills my heart with joy because as I listen to you, I think back that some of the painful moments I recall from my time in care have nothing to do with my family or the reason I was in care. But I think back to missing out on the sixth grade camping trip. Oh, right. Like I. Sorry, but, but those are that. No, but, like, that's why I wanted to have you on the show. It's why I want to talk about this. Because those are the things people think back on. It's not the court dates that I think back on. Usually it is those moments of missing out that really created long term harm that are really avoidable. They're not. Big ask, right? They are these really tiny moments. And so I'm wondering, you know, if we zoomed out even beyond Wonder Fund. When you look at foster care and child welfare more broadly, what are one or two changes you most hope that we would see in the next 10 years? I wish I could say that we would no longer have a need for the system. That aside, I think having the adults in the room, the adults in the system, really understand and keep their focus on the child, what is best for this child. I think kids need structure and to know that they matter and to have permanent solutions, you know, And I just would love to see the system get better at really focusing on each kid and making sure that whatever's best for that kid. There it is, is what happens. And let's get rid of all the red tape around that. You know, it just seems to me that there's a lot of time when the solution is obvious, you know, and so let's just move in that direction and stop trying to give more chances and try more things or move the kid to another. I don't know. I just. I wish it could be fast. Yeah. What I hear in there is, in something that I deeply say all the time, is because I've been around long enough to just watch the swings, we're going to adopt all kids. We're going to put all kids back. And it has a lot to do with political things and all kinds of things. Right. But the swing of one way or the other. And I say often systems are built for everyone in the middle. And maybe what we really need to do is just say, we know what all the options are. We know why staying with permanent family matters. But let's make a decision for one kid, one family at a time. Not, we have 40 kids. Let's make the same decision for all 40 of them. Cause it's never gonna work, right? So before we do lightning round, Lauren, another question I'm thinking of is that, listen, we have a lot of leaders and listeners who are likely moved by our conversation. And they're in government, but they're also in education. We have a lot of principals and superintendents and teachers that listen to. They run their own nonprofits. Some are even in private sector business. Is there something tangible or a tangible thing you'd love them to do after they listen to this episode? Because I think a lot of people know nothing about foster care in the United States. And so you have a lot of experience. What's one thing you think no matter who you are, you could do something after you listen to this? What would that be? I would go get one of the books, a memoir. You know, there are a bunch of really great stories out there. Go read the deepest well or what happened to you. Try to just build and broaden your understanding of the impact of trauma. Because I think if more people really understood that and tried to put themselves into the shoes of a child in foster care, the better it would be for all of us. Yeah. So it's not easy to do, but it's so worthwhile to really try to learn and understand. I appreciate that. Shout out to Dr. Nadine Burke Harris for the Deepest well. By the way, great book, Lauren. I feel like we could stay for another two hours, but we'd love to do a little quick fire. Are you ready? I'm ready. What's one word you hope children and families feel after interacting with wonder? Fund Joy. Is there a simple practice or ritual that you rely on when you feel the weight of the work? Gratitude and naming the gratitude. What gives you joy? Serving others. What's one myth about kids in foster care you wish we would retire? That they're bad kids. Ooh. Do you have a book, an organization, or a resource you recommend to people who want to better support kids and youth in foster care? I've read a bunch. I really love Nadine Burke Harris's the Deepest well, it's not necessarily about foster care, but it really helped me understand trauma and its impact. And Steve Pemberton's book is hard. Hard to read, but really interesting. And I'm blanking on the name of it. He's a friend of the show. We'll put a link up, complete the sentence. The system is working for kids when. When they're out of it. Yeah. When they stop being in it. Yeah. Lauren, thank you so much for our listeners. If today's conversation moved you, then please share it with one person. Maybe it's a foster parent, a social worker, a teacher, a neighbor, a coach, someone you know who cares about kids and just wants to do more. We started Mindful Management so nobody had to choose between well being and results. Lauren, it is a privilege and an honor. I just want to thank you for your leadership, for insisting that children engaged with DCF deserve not just safety, but joy, dignity, and moments of wonder. To learn more about wonderfund how you can get involved, check out the links in our show notes for our listeners. Thank you. Until next time, take what you need, try something new, and tell someone else. Thanks, everyone. Mindful Management creating a trauma informed work environment is brought to you by Shuffalo Consulting. To learn more about Shuffalo Consulting and our trauma informed change management and professional development Solutions, please visit cheffaloconsulting.com that's Chefalo C-H E F A L O consulting.com make sure you don't miss these transformative conversations by subscribing to Mindful Management wherever you get your podcast. Thanks for listening. And remember, change happens one step at a time.