Three Quotes from Unfolded That Invite Deeper Reflection

Hello, everyone. Welcome back to the Leadership Vision Podcast. My name is Nathan Freeberg, and today I am joined by the authors of the award-winning book Unfolded: Lessons in Transformation from an origami crane, Dr. Linda and Brian Schubring.

Welcome to the podcast. Thank you, Nathan. Welcome back. You are a repeat guest.

So thanks for thanks for being here again. It is, yes. That is why you are repeat guest. Um, I guess you're not technically a guest.

You know, I've read Unfolded Now, I think three times. I've listened to most of it on the audiobook, and I don't reread books like that. I every once in a while we'll reread a book again, and something inevitably jumps out, you know, that's different, or maybe I didn't catch it the first time. And so what I'm wondering if we can do today on the podcast, or what we're going to do in the podcast, I should say, is I've identified three quotes that kind of hit me differently the last time I read them.

I don't want to say they're my favorite quotes or the best quotes, but they're just three that kind of jumped out at me. And so I want to tell you the quote and then just kind of see where it goes, see where maybe your brains were at when you wrote that, where or how that quote maybe has jumped off the page differently to different people, different clients, maybe to you as you have reread that, and just kind of see where it goes. So you game for this? Yes.

Okay. So the first quote from page 38 is healing begins by accepting ourselves just as we are. And who says that, Nathan? And who says that?

I think that's Owl. Yes. Yes. So if you're watching this, here's Owl.

That's what Owl looks like. I love Owl. I have my as we've talked about before, my there's a colored version of that somewhere that my children have have colored in. What does this quote mean?

What is the difference maybe between accepting ourselves as who we are versus just maybe settling? Let's just let's just start with that and see where this goes. Oh, I like that. I like what you said, Nathan, because you put a twist on that quote that I did not didn't think about.

Accepting yourself as you are. I think for some people it means settling for who you are as an expression of the circumstance that you're in. And that can be settling. That's not what I initially intended when I wrote that line.

What I intended was accepting ourselves as we are, which includes the parts of us that we see and don't see. It includes the talent that we see or the potential that is unseen. Um, accepting ourselves as we are in this moment and really paying attention to the parts of our lives that are being exposed to the elements and the parts that we're protecting, I feel that one of the biggest lessons in life is that we are these unique treasures that for the most part are left undiscovered.

And I believe that if we accept ourselves as we are as wholly as we possibly can, that self-acceptance has the ability to ground us. And if we're grounded in our situation, not only will that change our perspective on the world around us, but it will also impact others who are seeking to calm and connect and be grounded themselves. A lot of times we talk to people and they want to find healing by accepting only certain parts of them or find healing by um getting to the right spot where they're healthy enough to then deserve the healing.

And there there comes a self-acceptance that I think the character of Owl begins to speak uh in inside the playground that that it's like accept the whole of who you are. Uh use all of those pieces, good, bad, and ugly, in order to uh have some insights into where you actually need to be healed and where where just acceptance will will provide the healing ball. And I I structured this sentence in three parts. Healing begins is part one.

I believe that there are people that um misunderstand that healing begins at some point, and there are times where we're not ready for the healing to begin. Um by accepting ourselves is the second part of this uh sentence. And self-acceptance, I believe, is one of the main themes of the entire book for every one of the characters, as well as self-accepting of the playground, the places that we're in in life, just as we are. That one's that part of the sentence is the most difficult for me because I want to accept myself as healed.

I want to accept myself in a future place. I want to accept myself better than what I am. And as we are is asking us to be present with ourselves. And so when you look at this whole sentence together, healing begins where we are, and it begins with accepting ourselves and how it is that we should that we show up, knowing that we are in this place at this time, in this moment, on purpose, and that healing can happen now.

Nathan, why did this stand out to you? Well, it it's sorry, Brian kind of threw me there with that three-part thing because healing begins. It's not just a sentence. So part of the reason this stood out is because the last the most recent time that I read it, I realized that I was kind of replacing the word healing with like growing or improving, or I have this idea of everything needs to get better.

Everything needs to be maximized. Everything that we're doing, uh, you know, I spent way too much time organizing our spice cabinet recently about all these expensive things because like it's gotta be maximized. And so when I read healing begins by accepting ourselves just as we are, I think it means I have to I have to get better as a human. Where what you just said is like healing begins.

It's like that's sort of maybe this is my question to you is do you have to kind of heal from whatever it is by accepting yourself before you can become I don't even I don't say the word better, but and maybe to rephrase that a little bit is like we're trying to grow, we're trying to become better spouses and parents and leaders and team members and all these things that we want to improve on. And sometimes we get we beat ourselves up so much that just that feels really uh difficult to do.

And so when you say healing begins by accepting ourselves just as we are, I immediately get into that fixer mindset of how do I become a better self-healer? And so does that does any of that make sense? Yeah, part of what I'm I'm hearing in what you're saying, Nathan, and and what I intended is um the phrase just as you are necessitates asking the question, how am I? How am I right now?

Not in the in the in the maximized sense, not in the projected sense, not in the performing sense. How am I right now? Uh, because sometimes we misplace the demands of healing on something in our lives that's healthy, and we misplace the demands of healing on something that we're not yet. How am I helps us point and direct where the healing needs to take place.

And if I ask myself, how am I, authentically, and genuinely ask how am I, I may realize that I am being healed as I am. Sure. And I think the that the word healing, there is a slow time to healing. Oh, I like that.

It's not necessarily just okay, now that I do this, then we're gonna get there and I'll put a band-aid on it and everything will be fine. Uh and so with that, Nathan, I I think the the striving one of the accept like to accept who you are eliminates the striving to try to just quick heal so that you can fill in the blank. I think as humans, we're on this journey of healing, and we bump into that maximized state as we journey through and as some of those wounds become just scars and reminders.

So, yeah. Well, yeah. And we have a couple other quotes to get to here, but it's it's interesting going back to Brian, the three parts of it. Healing begins.

It doesn't say healing is over when it begins by uh accepting ourselves. So who are we? Uh and am I okay with that just as we are, as we are today? And I think well, I'll speak for myself, is that most often, too often, sometimes, I'm not uh maybe even aware of that, let alone at a place to kind of accept or acknowledge that.

So do you want to know like the the the big twist on this one? Yeah. Yes. That yes, always the twist.

The question is answered if you read the sentence in reverse order. Are we as just ourselves accepting by begins healing? Hey, Yoda. Not like that, huh?

Yes. Um Healing begins by accepting ourselves just as we are. Just as I am, I accept myself so healing can begin. Yeah, it's a chicken chicken or the egg situation, I guess.

That's the learning that that I've that I've I I've come to. In the story, when this quote comes up, OC um is in a place where she needs to recognize where she's at and how she got there and accept that process so that she can heal because something else is coming. And this sentence, I it's interesting that you pick that up because it's that sentence is so important for me. Like I said, I remember writing it, I remember constructing it, and I think that in the work that I've done uh for myself and on myself with the help of others, I often think that it's only when I'm still and silent in a contemplative mindset that I can really pay attention to who I am as a person and what actually needs healing versus what I think needs to be better or improved.

I think the invitation for all of us is to recognize that we are who we are right now and we're okay. Um, can we accept that and also accept that before growth and before performance, there are probably parts to all of our lives that would benefit from a time of healing. And who is will help us in that healing process? There are some ways the body heals itself without any type of external intervention.

Same thing happens with our self-acceptance. There are other parts of ourselves where we do need to have others help us in the process of our healing. All right, here's a good reminder. Yes.

Uh or I want to interject this, because it wasn't owl, it was turtle. Oh, really? It was turtle, the loyal friend. Oh, yeah, turtle says this quote.

Yes, yes, because I like that. That's even better. No, that it is even better. And because turtle has a shell, and you think of the people that have shells, and you assume that they are protected from being hurt.

Because he has a shell, people think he doesn't get hurt, but his healing happens on the inside, and people don't see that. So you're right, it is turtle. I love that. Does that change how we set it up then?

Nope. No, I don't think so. I want to go on to the next quote here. Yep.

So that on page 35, this is definitely owl. You have the courage, why not try? I have so many questions about courage. But I'm I'm wondering why so often people wait.

There's so many stories about heroes throughout whatever history, whatever, that they don't have that sense of courage, they just do it. So why so often do people feel like this need to wait until they have however they're defining the word courage before trying something? I believe that people wait because they're waiting for the right circumstance and they they they overlook that the circumstance will never present itself. Courage will meet the circumstance.

I believe that everyone has moments of courage in their life where they have acted in defiance of their circumstance and of their context, and they've overcome something. And within our maps, I think that there are there are imprints, there are marks in our map, that those are moments of courage. And what we want to invite people to do is to not place the responsibility of a courageous act on your context or circumstance. The the courage exists from within.

It's up to us to release it. It's up to us to put it out there. We could we we will often in retrospect say, oh, this happened, and then I was courageous. I think we were that courage waits for the moment for us to just let it go.

Well, and I would say that the people that we've worked with, oftentimes there is a fear there, a fear of rejection, a fear of not being perfect, a fear of it's going to hurt, a fear of, well, I don't know what's going to happen on the other end. And it's the courageous among us that acknowledge the fear and then still keep going. And so the, you know, you have the courage, why not try? For me, is this sense of you have the courage, which also means you have the awareness that there is something scary and fearful about this, but but why not and step forward.

Well, what makes someone courageous? Or what are the I don't know, the traits of someone that is more willing to be courageous versus someone who isn't? Like in in the in the real world, in the origami world, whatever example you want to use, like what is it that makes someone willing to take that leap? The definition of courage that that comes to mind even whenever I see the word is with heart.

And it's the people that that act, interact, step forward with heart. And when they are demonstrating that courage and that willingness to let their heart win out over their mind or their intellectual discourse about what they should or shouldn't do, there's oftentimes this place where uh the courageous among us act with the kind of heart that demonstrates um uh demonstrates that act of courage in the face of fear or trouble. Oh, that's so good. Well, I learned it from the Wizard of Oz.

Oh yes, if only yeah, you need a little courage. I think that people I think most people overlook the acts of courage that they express almost every day. When I think that someone is is acting uh courageously, I think that it it could be someone voicing an opinion, it could be someone acting for the benefit and on behalf of someone else. Courage could be waiting for the right moment.

Um, I I think that um courage is any time that we act on our intuition, we could act in defiance against something, we could act in threat, or we could act in agreement. Um, whenever we step out in a way that is a little bit risky or even tentative or testing of ourselves, I think that's an act of courage. And that could be an emotional expression, it could be something empathetic or compassionate, as much as it is courageous. What I think happens is oftentimes we see things through different resources that we see as acts of courage, and we think to ourselves, oh, I could never do that.

But I do believe that on a daily basis, an act of courage could be someone recognizing this is where I am from or this is my family. Um, the reason why I do this is because, and that saying things out loud like that, I think are are acts of courage, even recognizing that something you've gone through was difficult could help you realize that it was a courageous move for you to go through that moment. And oftentimes we wait and we don't try. It is in our trying that we discover more of ourselves and in being more of ourselves.

I think that could be perhaps the greatest act of courage of all is the courage to be all of who we are as wholly and authentically as possible. Exactly. And I would say it's not always the action, though. I think there's an inaction or a willingness to not act and not just impulsively, you know, like I just need to be courageous.

Like, well, there there's a wisdom that comes with um directed courage. Yep. And that that's almost the true wisdom or the true courage is knowing when when that right moment is to to act. Um know when to hold them and know when to fold them, you've got to know when to walk away.

Uh okay, the last quote here, page 21, Owl says, for your dream to grow, you will need to let go. And so my thought around this is that always true? In order for something good to happen, for growth to happen, does something have to be given up or be lost? Or, you know, we've got these beautiful uh humongous rose bushes in our our the front of our house.

And maybe four or five years ago they were transplanted, and every year uh the guy that does our yard just kept cutting them back, and I was like, these suckers are dead, and now kabloom, they're humongous, it's because of that pruning. So I probably probably destroyed that metaphor, but for your dream to grow, you will need to let go. Does is that true in this in this setting? Do you always have to let something go in order for something else, a dream, to grow?

This is a tricky one in the context of this scene that you're referring to. There is the need to let go. I think that there is a time when dreams will only happen if you hold on to something. So this one, this quote I think is more uniquely applied than the previous two, because I do believe that there is a relationship between letting go and holding on.

I was in a a conversation this morning with an executive, and part of the conversation we had was what he's learning he needs to let go of and what he's learning he needs to hold on to. And so it's a little bit of both. But I I I do believe that um that dreams only have a certain capacity for us to hold on to things. I think that um our gripping our gripping of dreams will eventually kill them.

Ooh, either better. Because we're not willing to to adapt them. Um, I think sometimes if you get if you get locked in to this fixed sense of this is what the dream is, and then these are all the points ahead ahead. Right now, there is so much change in the world, change that is stacked upon change upon change.

And with that, there it is a necessity to let go. I think if you would have asked me this question a few years ago, I would have said like, well, not always. I think but what I'm learning and what I'm learning in as I age and as as we continue to evolve that that yes, there is this uh letting go that needs to happen so that you have open hands to hang on to the next, the next portion of the dream, the next step in the uh in the in the steps of growth or becoming what it really needs.

I I think there are times where you have to hold on for dear life, but the the letting go is is powerful. Why are you smiling? Because I think that dreams need to grow. Um you can't hold on your rose bush too long, Nathan, because it needs to do some growing on its own.

Same thing with kids. Like you can't restrain kids from growing, you you have to trust that your dream for that child is going to grow. They may grow in the direction of the dream you have for them, or they may have their own dream, and and part of us is to nurture and provide the right conditions for their dreams to grow. Dreams have their own growth cycles, and if we try to interrupt and intersect that, I think that's gonna be a problem.

I saw a quote on Instagram, and this is the quote to love someone is to attend a thousand births of who they're becoming. And you know, with every a thousand you think of the thousand birth, that that is uh always letting go or always this wonder of whatever was birthed, is that's what is that what is going to happen. I think about the birthday of Unfolded. I mean, if you would have asked me where would we be in a year, I'm I'm not sure if it would be here.

Yet all of our experiences and the things that we had to let go of, the things that we need to grab on to begin to shape shift uh how how even our story has grown and unfolded in the lives of people. Yeah. Well, I think for me it's it's expectations are my dream inhibitor. Ooh.

The thing I need to let go of I have these expectations for whatever the thing is, I want it to go this way. Yep. And more often than not, if I can let go of those things, this dream, whether it's you know, a tiny little dream or something larger, is more likely to come to fruition. And so to one of your points about sort of maybe that rigidity or that adherence to a specific path, as the only one way to get there, can sometimes limit us.

So any final thoughts, Brian Linda? I know there's gajillions of quotes that we could go through, but any final thoughts on these three, or maybe one little nugget of something to kind of put a put a bow on this conversation today? I think the reflection that I have as we're bringing this to a close is there's a time for all three of these elements. There's a time for healing, there is a time for courage, and there's a time for dreams to grow.

And paying attention to what season it is and what time it is for each of these, they probably don't all three happen at the same time. But what is the sequence for you? And it's unique for each one of us. I like that.

I like that. Well, thank you very much, Brian and Linda. I appreciate the conversation. And if you listeners, if you have not yet picked up your copy of Unfolded, there's a link in the show notes, or you can get it pretty much wherever good books are sold.

Thank you for listening to the Leadership Vision Podcast, our show helping you build positive team culture. For more information about what we do, you can click the link in the show notes or visit us on the web at Leadership Vision Consulting.com. My name is Nathan Freeberg.

I'm Linda Shoebrink. And I'm Brian Schobrink. And on behalf of our entire team, thanks for listening. And happy birthday.