180 - How Leaders Find Their Real Identity with Kat Perkins

Speaker A: Welcome to Product Led Growth Leaders, where we explore the bold path of building SaaS products that win in the marketplace. Let's hear from CEOs and founders who share how they turn ambitious ideas into category defining innovations, showcasing and celebrating these builders. I'm your host, UX and product design veteran, Thomas Watkins. Welcome to Product Led Growth Leaders. We've got a terrific guest for the show today, Kat Perkins. She is a keynote speaker, an author, a leadership strategist, empowering organizations to build authentic leaders. So we're going to talk about everything that she does and what does it mean to be an identity strategist? Very fun topic, uh, powerful topic. Cat, welcome to the show.

Speaker B: Thank you so much. I appreciate you allowing me to come on this morning. I'm really excited about it.

Speaker A: Absolutely. I appreciate you joining us. So let's give first the audience an idea of where someone like you fits in the ecosystem well.

Speaker B: And let me explain to you what an identity strategist is, first of all, uh, because people will say, well, what is that? An identity strategist like myself is one who helps an individual reveal who their true person is, who their true self is, that true innate person that's hidden beneath the layers. Um, because as you grow up, you're born, you know, you become an adolescent, you become a teenager, then you become an adult and going through all those different changes in life. When I asked a person who you are, who do you think? My topic is this, who do you think you are? And so when I asked a person that, they probably think, oh, dad, why would she say it like that? When indignation or just attitude, well, who do you think you are? Who. Who do you think you are? Because most people, when I ask that question, they don't know we're living a life that has been handed to us by circumstances or by parents or trauma drama, things that have happened in our life that has shaped our identity. And so I'm here to reveal that the identity that you're living with is not who your true self really is. Because science and statistics say that a person has already been shaped, but for who they are before their age 25. And they've been shaped again by parents and by life and circumstances, you know, things that you have no control over, things that you didn't choose for yourself. So you're living an identity that is not yours. And I call that an identity interference. So there's a whole system to this whole method of madness for identity.

Speaker A: Can't wait to dive into it. So let's make sure we're appreciating for the audience why something like that would matter. And what are some examples of that? Because one example that pops into my head is, let's say that you grew up in a immigrant community of high achievers and very educated, successful parents. And they said, you have to be completely successful. You have to get straight A's, you have to do this, and you have to either become a doctor or a lawyer, or else you're nothing.

Speaker B: Right?

Speaker A: And then you go through life, and I know people like this. I'm sure you do, too. And sometime in maybe your late 20s, your mid-30s, maybe even your 40s, you say, wait a second, this is not working for me. I'm not healthy, I'm not pursuing my true dreams. And course correcting earlier seems like it would be important.

Speaker B: Well, let me answer that for you because that is the actual truth, and that's how that works. And that happened in my own household. And I kind of had to figure that out, not just with myself, because as a child, I lost my mom when I was nine and I had to go into foster care system living with a relative who always drilled in my head, you're nothing. You'll never be nothing. You know, you're unlovable, you'll never amount to anything. And all of those things can really get in a person's head if you're not strong enough to, to overshadow and combat those things. So, you know, the identity, what I call the identity interference, can come from trauma and drama, but it can also come from a place of love. Like you just said, the parents say, you're going to be a doctor. You going to do this, you're going to do that. I have a son who' one of the greatest artists that's, uh, that's in the US Right now. He. I was, I grilled him, I, I trained him. I, I pruned him to be a doctor. I wanted him to be the anesthesiologist or the heart doctor, but that really, that anesthesiologist, because, you know, they made a little bit more money. But anyway, that's what I wanted him to be, you know, so I groomed him. I was taking him to all the medical clinics, all the, the, the conferences and everything. I was connecting him with the right people at an early age. He went to College at age 16, got a scholarship in biology. I'm like, we're in there. Dr. Is on the way. And I used to go through the house and say, calling Dr. Chris. Calling Dr. Chris. And he went To Overthorpe University. And before he went to school, I bought him a camera for Christmas. December camera May, college. December camera May, college. He goes to college. And I'm thinking he's taking a lot of biology classes. He's taking photography courses. I'm like, what the heck is really going on? So I went to, uh, an exhibit that he had, and the teacher said, I just want you to know your son really has something special. He's got it. He's got the gift. And I'm saying, gift? This is just an elective. This boy's gonna be a doctor. What are you talking about? And he came to me and he says, mom, please, if you would just allow me to pursue my dream. He said, this is what you want me to be? This is not what I wanna be. I don't wanna be a doctor. I wanna pursue the arts. And it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was trying to create him. Uh, uh, uh, create a him that I want. Not the him that he was already meant to be, but the him that I wanted him to be. So that let me know that, you know, that's that identity interference. But it comes from a place of love. Not that it was a bad thing. It was. But it was bad for him because that's not what he wanted, you know. But that's what happens. Trauma or love, different places can cause different actions in our lives that let us say, this is not me. This is not what I'm supposed to do. This is not who I'm meant to be. So that's how that happens.

Speaker A: Now, normally when we think about addressing this kind of thing, we might think about clinical psychology or, um, counseling psychology. But you do it as in what kind of capacities? Mentorship coaching, executive coaching.

Speaker B: Well, you can call it executive coaching. I call it a life strategist, an identity strategist. Coming from a place of lived experience. Coming from a place. I've been there, done that, got the T shirt, wrote the book, and I have the coffee mug. So there's no better experience than lived experience. Yes, I've gone to school, but that lived experience says it all.

Speaker A: Gotcha. So, um, now you work. Do you collaborate with teams or just individuals or, you know, what kinds of ways do you engage? And then what does that process look like? Do you kind of get to know, uh, someone and sort of do sort of a diagnostic on them and then propose a solution? How does that look?

Speaker B: Well, I do work with teams as well as individuals, but, uh, in order for me to get to the root of the issue, I help you. I mean, I don't find the root. I don't. I give you the tools to uncover the root of the issues for yourself. And so that takes a diagnostic process. And, uh, part of the process is the recognition. And then you have to give. I'm just going to give you just three. Just something simple. Recognition, permission, and submission. You have those three entities that will help you get to the root of what's happening, to the root of understanding who you really are. Because if you in a leadership position, uh, as a CEO or the manager of the corporation, if you're struggling with your own inner self, how can you lead somebody else? Because you're confused within your own mind. And as a matter of fact, if you want to go deep, that's where a lot of mental illness come from. Because they're struggling with their inner self because they don't know or, uh, recognize who they are, because they've been told that they're one thing, but they're really something and somebody else. And so each individual person, we have our own innate, innate personalities, our own innate identities that was given to us from birth. From. No, let me go back. Not from birth, but before birth. From. Because we were created. We are divine individuals, wonderfully and fearfully made, that says that we all have our own. I have my own, you have your own, she has her own. And it was all grafted, drafted, architecturally designed before birth. And once we are entered into the womb, all those things are, uh, pulled together and formed in our mind for who we are and in our hearts and in our spirit. Because it's being formed from the womb, right? But once we are, um, once we have that first, first breath of air and you come out and they pop you out and they pop you on your butt and you say, wow. And your mother and your father and the father, and they say, oh, isn't she beautiful? Everybody said, oh, she's so beautiful. Oh, look. Oh, here's my little man. Here's my football player. Here's my baseball player. Here's my doctor. That's my queen right there. That's. That's the president. I mean, we're being named from when we hit and take that first breath of air. So like psychologists say, before we're age 25, we've already been programmed to be who we're told to be, but that is not who we chose to be.

Speaker A: And it's even in another way, it's before you're born. Because we're all born within a culture that has definitions for things, definitions for happiness and success. Um, what were those three things again?

Speaker B: Is recognition, submission, recognition, recognition, permission, and submission.

Speaker A: Permission. Gotcha. Um, okay, great stuff. What other. I'm going to let you flow with this because what other jewels of wisdom do you have for us in terms of how to think about these things?

Speaker B: Okay, well, the other things is this. When you recognize that, again, that's the first step of trying to uncover and reveal what's happening with the identity. Once you recognize that something is off, that's the first thing you recognize in it. And, and you recognize it and you start to allow, uh, I call it those inner voices that you can hear when somebody else is telling you that you won't be, can't be, shouldn't be. How dare you. The audacity of you to try to be. And once you start allowing those voices to kind of fade away, that's. That's when you start recognizing because those voices start getting a little muddled. And about that. Why are they saying that? I. I don't. I don't think that's true of myself. I think I'm better than that. I think I'm bigger than that. I think I'm more than that. And that's what I tell people, that we are more than our circumstances. We are better than what they say. We are higher achievers. Higher achievers than what you think of yourself. You are much more. Bigger, better. As Bishop Long, you said you're all that in a bag of chips. So I'm saying you have to recognize who you are, recognize that there's more to you than what the circumstances have dictated. And once you start recognizing that, then you give yourself permission to challenge those issues. You give yourself permission to challenge those interthoughts. You give your permission, yourself permission to challenge those thoughts that you hear in your ear. And not just, uh, from the inner hearing, but from the outer. Because, you know, people say things out loud, you know, and you gravitate to it and you hold on to it. I'm saying, no, you can't hold on to that. Some of these things you just. You gotta just drop them. Looks at dropping like it's hot and let it go. And then you have to give yourself, like I said, a permission. And then once the, you know, the whole thing is pulled together, you have submission. And that's not submitting to what they say, but it's submitting to yourself as being that innate, true, exquisite person that, that. That person that have been designed divinely to be who you are always supposed to be. And I say she. She is sure of who she is, honorable in her living and extraordinary in her identity. He is honorable in his living and extraordinary in his identity. He's the king that he was set out to be, already made to be created to be. She's the queen. She is it. But because of the identity interference and the identity transference of those things that we walked in because of the interference, you know, then we have to come to a point of identity revelation. And that's the whole ball of wax. That's what we want, the identity revelation. And that's my work. That's what I bring to pass. I reveal, unveil the identity revelation.

Speaker A: Now, I'm sure you have a method around all of this, and I just want to mention for the audience the name of your book before we go too far. Girls with Pearl. Pearls have Power. And, um, for those viewing video, she, you've got the book with you. If you hold it up. Girls. Girls with Pearls have Power. Um, uh, tell us a little bit about that.

Speaker B: Girls with Pearls have Power, subtitled Cultivating Hope, Fueling Perseverance and Celebrating Resilience. This book, excuse me, is my memoir told in a narrative form coupled with poetry. But this book, so I can tell you right now, is not here to fix you, but it's here to remind you that you were never broken and you were not defeated. That you are an exquisite, radiant pearl, not formed from pressure, but rising from the grit of the issues and the situations and the circumstances of life. You rise up to be that innate, exquisite person that you was always meant to be. She's in there. I'm just going to help you uncover her now. People say she's becoming. You're not becoming because you're already there. She's already in there. I'm just going to help her rise up so you can see who she is, that true innate person that you are.

Speaker A: Excellent. Uh, I think that everything you're saying is so relevant when we think about leadership especially. I've worked with, I'm sure you've worked with countless, um, leaders, uh, who. Some are good, some are in the middle, some are just not good. There are people who have toxic issues in their personality and they're trying to lead an organization. They needlessly do or say things that just get in the way of progress and cause problems. And being a good leader is so much more than having a good idea, having founding capital, uh, you know, having the right philosophy. You know, you kind of have to do, just get right with yourself. And I think that's why so many people who are effective at this, um, you know, take some time to have some comfort or some balance in their life. They um, you know, they do, they do these things. Um, any reflections on anything I said or you can jump to the next topic you want to get into.

Speaker B: I agree totally with you. Because the mind, it can come toxic if you allow things to enter into it and you don't address these issues. And as a leader, if you are leading people and you have toxic thoughts, it creates issues within the organization you lead and all of a sudden you blowing up at somebody, uh, telling them I a report by five o'. Clock. But the way that's not what you say is how you say it. But you don't say it in a, in a, a leadership manner you like. Listen, I need you to have that report by five, you know. Well, see he just had some issues. He trying to figure out, well, uh, what happened at home this morning, you know, what, what happened last night. I'm, I'm, he's dealing with some, or she or he, whoever are dealing with some internal issues that they haven't figured out for themselves. And so their issues becomes toxic thoughts and those toxic thoughts become toxic energy. And that toxic energy is transferred over to somebody else and that somebody else is the people that you're supposed to be leading. So now you can't get the production out of the people that you're leading because they're working in a toxic environment. Who wants to come to work every day in that? I know I didn't, I don't, I won't, I couldn't. It's hard to work in a toxic environment. So if it's hard to work in a toxic environment, it's hard for you to work through the toxicity in your mind unless you recognize it and begin to give yourself permission to do something about it. So if you don't do something about it, you cannot lead anybody else. Lead you first before you try to lead me.

Speaker A: Those are the sort of humanistic reasons. There's also the bottom line reasons as well for folks who need that, um, the no one wants to. People want to have to pay extra if you're a place that's not that great to work, um, versus you have the, you know, the classic scene of the ping pong tables and couches and things like that. People want to work there because there's a chef and there's coffee and there's things to do so you don't have to pay top uh, dollar all of the Time if you can foster an environment that cares about people. Yeah. Do you have any, uh, I think you might have said this already, but do you have courses that are etched out for, uh. Because I know you give talks and all that stuff. I think that there's probably a lot of teams that could benefit, uh, from, uh, a course that's mapped out where people sign up and they say, hey, um, we're going to get from point A to point B in terms of the health and quality of our team.

Speaker B: Yes, I do. I have a few courses out. One is titled Empowered by Design. Uh, and the other is Seven Days to Resilience. Um, it will walk you through a process for you to get to revealing, uncovering that identity of who you are. So going through all the different things. You know, I've been dealing with this for months. Oh, God, what's happening? How am I going to deal with it? If you walk with me for seven days, I'm going to get you to the other side. If you walk with me for seven weeks, I'm going to take you to a place that you never imagined that you would go. And that's Empowered by Design.

Speaker A: This is terrific. Ladies and gentlemen, we've been speaking with Kat Perkins. Um, how can people get in touch with you? Um, uh, start working with you or just to connect, um, with you?

Speaker B: You can reach me by email and that's, um, My personal email is info info at I am m cat perkins.com info@I a M M K A T P E R K I N S dot com. I am Katperkins dot com. Or you can just go visit my website, take a stroll through it and see what you like, see what you see. You can learn a little bit about me. And that is www don't forget those W's. I am katperkins.com. that's right, katperkins.com.

Speaker A: oh, no, I'm sorry. So, uh, Kat with a K. K A T Perkins. Um, also find her on LinkedIn, um, and connect with her. Um, Kat, thank you so much for being here and sharing your jewels of wisdom with us.

Speaker B: Thank you so much for having me. I appreciate you so very much.

Speaker A: Thank you for tuning in. Join us next time on product led growth Weekly Leaders. Take care.