Burnout, People Pleasing, and the Stories We Tell Ourselves

unknown: Here we are, back again, Gina. All right, for another episode of Mind your business. And of course, we have to start with. With this. We usually start with Prosecco, but this

Gina: time we're starting with champagne and nomosa.

unknown: Nomosa, that's right. And this one was given to me, uh, as a gift from Castle Rocks and jewelry. So I'm, uh, going to put it to good use here. I didn't actually wear my ring that they made for me, but, uh, um, very appreciative of them. All right, we're going to open this up. And for those of you who can't see me, what color, of course. Do I have my little towel?

Ashley Jangro: Orange.

Gina: I should have wore my orange shirt today.

unknown: I know. Well, you would have blended in to the background. We wouldn't be able to see. Well, you're like an enigma, you know? Exactly. All right, do you think I can get it this time?

Gina: All right, I'm sure you can.

unknown: All right. And you'll notice, uh, for those of you at home that can't see it too, we have three glasses today, so three mimosas. Woo. See, that was good. That was easy. Don't they say. Say that, uh, when you open up a bottle of champagne, it should sound like a nun's fart?

Gina: Oh, I've never heard that.

unknown: Yeah, that's the. That's. That's the sound. It should be just a poof.

Gina: I've never heard that.

unknown: Well, here we go. All right, all right, let's get our nomosa on. And we will get one for our guest as well. Ready to rock and roll.

Gina: That's kind of a wimpy pour.

unknown: Okay, you're right, Gina, you're here to keep me in check. Thank goodness. I'm excited. Gina, are you excited?

Gina: Yes, I am.

unknown: Yes. We have our first special guest here, Ashley Jangro. And you remember Ashley from All the wows.

Gina: All the wows. Yeah.

unknown: Fantastic. And so I'm excited, uh, that you were able to join us and tell us what you do and who you are and all the things. So, Ashley, why don't you tell us, you know, what. What your role is and what you do.

Ashley Jangro: Amazing. I'm excited, too. Thank you guys both for having me here. I'm really, um, happy to get to be on the podcast with you. So, um, I am a therapist. I'm also life business coach, um, here in Castle Rock. I work with people locally and all over the world. So that is what I do.

unknown: Fantastic.

Gina: What is your business?

Ashley Jangro: Uh, it's called Steady within, because that Is that's what I base everything on. When we have a steadiness within, we can do anything.

Gina: I like that.

Speaker D: I like that.

unknown: And where's your office?

Ashley Jangro: Um, it's down here in Kal's Rock. I'm actually in the process of moving, so right now it's just by the M Music Store, but I might actually end up over here at craft.

Gina: So we'll see.

Ashley Jangro: Kind of where I am.

unknown: Uh, I'd like you to be my neighbor.

Ashley Jangro: I know.

Gina: Be so much fun.

Ashley Jangro: Especially when we could go work by the pool.

Gina: Yeah.

unknown: If we got any work done, though, I don't know.

Gina: Do you have access to the pool?

unknown: Yeah, I can get. Yeah. The craft lets you have the pool, lets you have the gym? Yeah. Hot tub.

Ashley Jangro: Um, you haven't invited me yet.

unknown: Well, I mean, now it's on when

Ashley Jangro: I feel like therapy sessions in a hot tub is a great niche.

unknown: Oh, yeah, I think so too. Yeah, that's a must. Like bring your bathing suit. Check.

Gina: Podcast by the pool.

unknown: Podcast by the pool. We have a spin off already happening.

Ashley Jangro: Could just be a spinner subtitle.

unknown: Right? Awesome. All right, well, I'm really excited about what you do. I. I've known you for a long time, and I just know how amazing you are. And, you know, you've actually come and talked to my. My whole real estate company and my team, um, in the past, and everyone was just blown away and I couldn't. I was super excited to have you come talk to us on our podcast because I just think all of our viewers and listeners will be able to, uh, resonate with some of the things that you do. So why don't you walk us through your process? All of the things that you do. Um, you know, being a business coach, being, uh, a therapist was a therapy first was a business coach. What was the process?

Ashley Jangro: Amazing. I'm going to go back, like 20 years. When I first got out of college, I started out as a teacher. When my oldest, who is 20 now, was born, I, um, became a stay at home mom. That lasted about six months before I needed something else to do. So I started a website. I ran a baby gifts boutique, and that got me very involved in marketing, online marketing, digital marketing, SEO, all of those topics a long time ago, before social media was even around, and spent about 15 years doing that. And then I went back to teaching when my kids were in elementary school. When I was teaching, I just noticed, uh, the vast mental health needs of all the students and realized I wanted to go back to school to become A counselor. I got almost all the way through my counseling process, uh, the master's in counseling. When the pandemic hit and my internship, I was no longer able to attend my internship. So, um, I remember seeing a Facebook ad one day about becoming a life coach. And I didn't really know what it was, but I thought, that's similar to counseling, right? So I will become a life coach. So I signed up to get certified. And one of the things that they taught us in the coaching process was we are our own first and best client. So they taught us the tools, but to use them on ourselves, not only in our personal lives, but to build our business. So it was a lot of mindset, it was a lot of working through personal issues in starting my business. And it was life changing in a way that the therapy concepts that I learned weren't. I think the coaching really made them, um, applicable, usable in a day to day way that, you know, learning counseling theory didn't. And so I was able to use those, which completely changed me as a therapist and a coach because I can, you know, viscerally feel what it's like to go through the changes before I ever try those tools with my clients. So it was a really powerful, um, I started my life coaching business that was about six years ago now and loved it, loved everything about it. And then I hit that moment where it was the last year that I could finish out my therapy, my master's, uh, in counseling. And I had six credits left. So I was like, I can't get this far and not finish. So I went ahead and finished it out and, um, opened up my therapy practice, which I absolutely love. But what I found is during my therapy sessions I was bringing in a lot of the coaching tools because they're just so incredibly powerful. So, uh, I blended them together to do both the coaching and the therapy for, you know, I use both separately, but I end up blending them a lot for the kind of therapy that really helps people who are interested in changing their life get results fairly quickly.

Gina: What's the most common emotional patterns you see in women who own a business?

Ashley Jangro: Yeah, I love that question so much because I do see the same things over and over, specifically with women. M. I think that, um, I generally see three things. One is, uh, women say yes to everything, right? We feel like it's our responsibility to take on every role within the business.

unknown: Like, let's make a podcast and Gina says, yes, okay, let's do it.

Ashley Jangro: I mean, I think that one was, you should have said yes to Right. This is turning out to be something really powerful. But, uh, there's things that you probably already know in your own lives and businesses that maybe it's something you shouldn't be saying yes to, but you say yes to it anyway because of people pleasing, because of imposter syndrome, because of, you know, all these, because you have been socialized and raised to serve and to take care of other people's emotions. And so you say yes to something that maybe you shouldn't. So I think that's a big one. I think a second one is, um, ah, difficulty making decisions quickly. And we spend so much time going back and forth trying to make a decision when what we're afraid of is our own self judgment in the future. If we think we made the wrong decision.

Gina: I always say if a decision's too hard to make, just say no.

Ashley Jangro: So we waste so much time on those two things, you know, saying yes to things we shouldn't and then going back and forth between decisions. And then I think the third is, um, I mean, it's a combination of just taking our own and other people's emotions. We allow our brains to make them create, um, make meaning out of them that aren't necessarily true. So we develop these narratives that we start to believe are true when they aren't necessarily so. We do that a lot in business and in our personal lives. You can see how there's kind of a blend.

unknown: Right.

Ashley Jangro: Like the patterns we see in business we're doing at home as well.

unknown: Yeah, yeah.

Speaker D: You know, one of the things I think about when it comes to, uh, running businesses and women doesn't even have to do with business just in general, but, um, is burnout. Do you see burnout a lot when you talk to your clients, uh, especially women? And what does it look like and does it happen where you can tell that there's burnout before, uh, the person you're helping can even tell?

unknown: Yes.

Ashley Jangro: And I think that a lot of times it's simply because they are having symptoms that indicate burnout that they don't recognize as burnout. They might just think, I'm really tired, of course I have a lot on my plate. Um, but I think that what I start to see is just a general apathy towards their business. Um, and it can quickly become resentfulness. So if someone is leading towards burnout, they just don't feel like doing it anymore. And that, you know, we have days like that. Right. But then there's other days where we love what we're doing. But in general, When I start to hear someone say, like, I just don't feel like doing it anymore. It's just my energy's not in it. And then it pretty quickly becomes resentment towards whatever they're doing, whether they're meeting individually with clients or having to show up, um, at a job, there's like a, ah, resentment.

Gina: How do you know when someone needs therapy or a business coach?

Ashley Jangro: That is such a great question. Because I think there's a lot of confusion about what they each are. And they can be similar. Right? Like I said, I bring a lot of coaching into therapy. I don't go the other direction. So I kind of think of it as therapy is for individuals who are, um, not necessarily at a baseline and want to get to a baseline of being able to function. Right? So they're kind of below that baseline. They're struggling to function in some way in their life. And then coaching is for individuals who are functioning just fine and want to go to another level. Does that make sense? And so therapy allows us to dive in and do things like diagnoses, uh, assessment, um, you know, really diving into different therapeutic, uh, modalities that allow us to look into what has caused things. With coaching, I don't necessarily look into the causality, with some exceptions, but it's much more, um, brief. And then we're looking to what is it that you want to accomplish as opposed to, let's dig in and figure out what, what's causing this that makes sense.

unknown: You know, one of the things that always, I think, afflicts me, uh, when it comes to, to business and career is ambition. And I tend, I feel like I tend to want to be the best, want to be the greatest, all the things. And, you know, when you're helping clients, where would you say that ambition starts to become a liability?

Ashley Jangro: Such a great question. So it comes back to the saying yes to everything, right? So it's when you decide, I am the to do everything, and then you end up doing everything in your business. And you've probably experienced some of this in the past where you realize I don't have the capacity or the time to do all of these tasks, but how am I going to hand it off when I'm the best person to do it, right? And, you know, you have a certain expectation for yourself, and then you begin to expect the people around you to have that same kind of drive. And I always say, um, if you think about this, you can expect the people that you bring into your business that you hire to have about 50% of that drive that you have, the reason being if they had that same level of drive, they would be doing it. They would be you. So if you have that expectation, then it allows you to look at what they're doing and provide feedback, but not get frustrated in the same way.

unknown: Right. Yeah.

Gina: I mean, I.

unknown: For me, it's just been like. It's been a problem for me forever. Like, I could remember back. Back. Way back when, when I was, uh, waiting tables, and, uh, my husband would agree with this. Like, I would, uh. Um, because that's where we met Bennegans. We're Frenegans from Bennigan's. Um, but, uh, so I would take every table if someone would give. Oh, you don't want your table? I'll take that table. I'll take that table. But then there would be a point where now I'm taking so many tables that I'm not giving anyone good service because I'm stretched way too thin, even though I feel like I'm so good at doing this. But there is a capacity that every person has. You have to ask for help, and that's hard for me.

Ashley Jangro: You're not serving your clients well anymore because you are exhausted. You're approaching that burnout, and then you begin to resent them when originally you're the one that said yes to that. And if we were in a coaching session, I would ask you, what do you think is behind that? What was driving that saying yes to it? And I would bring you back to that exact moment and say, okay, let's picture when you said yes to a table, even though you were kind of, uh, starting to get tired, what was going on in your mind that led you to say yes? Is exactly what I would ask you.

unknown: So.

Speaker D: Good. Yeah.

unknown: I thought of another thing I wanted to ask you because you mentioned at the beginning that you help international clients, too. Um, would you say there's a difference in the way that you coach your international or national or clients versus right here, locally in Castle Rock, Colorado and south metro Denver area? Or is it the same, or is it different between women and men? Are, ah, what are the differences?

Ashley Jangro: There's absolutely. I absolutely notice the difference between women and men. And as a result, I generally work with women because I really understand those patterns. And we have the exact same patterns, whether we're here or international. What we do have a little more of here is we take on more. Um, I think that sometimes some of my international clients are better at, ah, saying no to things, but we have a culture here that we think that we have, uh, to say yes to things, right? When someone asks us to do something, we are going to say yes to that until we reach the point where we're done and now we're not saying yes to anything. But then it becomes almost like a black and white issue. Um, but we've had a culture. You know, what's interesting is so many of my sessions, we end up talking about patterns with our moms. And so many of us in our age range have had the exact same experience with our moms growing up, where we generally took on a lot, where we were responsible for, you know, kind of the emotional feel of the family and. Or, you know, if it's an oldest sibling, where we're responsible for a lot of the, uh, tasks of the family. And we just take on so much. And I see that over and over. I don't see that as much with men, where men are able to say no to things. You know, men are able to say, nope, I'm done now. And they're able to wipe their hands of it and walk away in a different way. And I use it as an example a lot with women in business who, you know, they are the ones working late, they're taking on more, even though they have to, like, run out and pick up the kids and then maybe take care of their parents and do all of these different tasks, and they're watching their male colleagues leave at an earlier time and then, you know, go to a, uh, hockey game or a basketball game or whatever and not think about work.

Gina: I feel like when you're in that moment, though, as a mom, when you have, you know, especially when kids have so many sports, you know, I just remember, like, going and picking up, like, it was just my job. That was my duty to kind of do it. I didn't even think about it. Like, even though it was like, you know, 100 things that I was doing, I just didn't think about it. It was like, that was just part of my life and what we do.

Ashley Jangro: And sometimes it's. I think that's one of the best examples of why it's great to work with a coach. And the way that I've said it in the past is, um, a pickle in a jar can't read its own label. Like, you're living within your reality. And until somebody steps back and says, well, why. Why is that just what you do? You know, what. What's. What's contributing to that? You don't think to question it, because it just is your reality. It's fun to think about, right? Because we're all creating. I mean, we all think our thoughts are facts, and they're not. They are, uh, a, uh, combination of all of our experiences and our trauma and our memories of our second grade teacher and all of these things that have created these perceptions that are reality. Until we step back and question, is that even true? Do I even believe that? We don't think to question it.

unknown: Man, that's a lot. I mean, you know, Ashley, it's so much that I think. Would you be willing to come back next week and, uh, talk about your other side of your business? Because we didn't even get to, um, your personal coaching and kind of your therapy side. We mainly focused on all your business coaching. Would that be okay?

Ashley Jangro: I would absolutely love to.

unknown: All right, Fantastic. All right, well, join us next week for our next episode of, uh, mind your business with Gina and Inger. And, uh, we'll be sitting here with, uh, Ashley Jangro, with her, uh, talking about her business. Um, tell me the name.

Ashley Jangro: Steady within.

unknown: Steady within. So you all be Steady within, and we'll see you next week.

Gina: See ya.