Mastering One-on-One Meetings: The Manager's Most Underrated Superpower | Ep. #127

Narrator: Hi there and welcome to Building Better Managers, the podcast where we explore what it really takes to lead with impact. Today we're talking about a skill that quietly separates good managers from great ones. The one on one meeting, or as some call it, the O3. We're produced by New Level Work, a company dedicated to helping organizations develop exceptional leaders through coaching, training, assessments and AI enhanced learning tools. Our mission is simple, to build better managers at every level. Now, one on ones may seem basic, but here's the truth. Most are, uh, underused, rushed or treated like a box to check the best managers though, they treat one on ones as strategic touch points. A time to build trust, drive alignment and unlock real growth on their teams. In this episode, we'll explore what makes a, uh, one on one truly effective. The common mistakes to avoid, and practical strategies you can use to turn these meetings into your most valuable leadership tool. Let's get into it.

Host: Welcome back to the Deep Dive. Today we are, uh, really cracking open something fundamental for any manager. We're talking about effective one on one meetings. You know, the ones I mean, they can be, well, either the absolute lifeblood of your team, driving growth, clarity, all that good stuff, or let's be honest, they're just that annoying calendar block that, you know, both you and your team member kind of dread.

Co-host: And that, that right there is the tragedy we want to help fix. Because the best managers, they see that one on one not as some chore, but as like their highest leverage activity. So our mission today is basically to pull out the core strategies, the best practices from the sources you sent over. We want to help you listening, transform those, uh, maybe obligatory check ins into really high value conversations that actually boost performance and engagement.

Host: Absolutely. And if we just, you know, strip away the jargon for a second. Why, why do these specific meetings matter so much? What's the real core value here?

Co-host: Well, the critical thing that comes through is that these one on ones, they're the direct line, the connection point between what an individual person does day to day and where the company's trying to go. Yeah, they build engagement, real ownership because they show that team member, hey, your development, it actually links up to the big picture. I mean if you want to move beyond just managing tasks and into real leadership, you have to engage in this kind of frequent, open, you know, deliberate communication.

Host: That's exactly what we're aiming for. Then, a clear structure so you can get this knowledge quickly but, but thoroughly. So, okay, let's start with the non negotiables, the, the basic framework. Right. Consistency. First the research seems pretty clear on frequency. And what did the sources say is like the gold standard for timing These, uh, weekly.

Co-host: Weekly meetings come out as optimal. That regular beat, that rhythm, it establishes trust and allows for continuous feedback. It builds momentum. Now, if weekly feels impossible, maybe you've got a huge team, I get it. Then bi weekly is really the absolute minimum. You need that regularity because if you let them slip or you cancel them a lot or, well, you're basically telling your team member they aren't a priority. Right. And lose all that continuity you've built up.

Narrator: Right.

Co-host: Consistency signals importance. Makes sense. Okay, what about duration? I think a lot of people feel like they need a full hour, but the sources suggest maybe not. Efficiency seems key. Yeah, efficiency is definitely key. Those long, rambling meetings, they're often counterproductive. Keep them short, keep them sharp, aim for 30 minutes. That seems to be the sweet spot. The typical range mention is, uh, somewhere between 20 and maybe 45 minutes. Absolute maximum. Look, the manager's time is valuable, but so is The Rick reports. 30 minutes kind of forces focus. It stops it becoming just a, you know, casual chat that drifts and that

Host: focus, it links directly to the mindset needed, doesn't it? It's not just showing up. It's about showing up prepared mentally.

Co-host: Exactly. Before you dive into anything, both people, the team member and the manager, should quickly state their intentions. Like, okay, what do we each want to get out of this session today?

Host: It sets the stage, creates accountability, and as the manager, your energy, it's infectious. If you come into that 30 minutes engaged, present, actually caring, you energize the whole interaction. That's fundamentally a core leadership task. Right. Signaling that for this short window, this conversation is the most important thing.

Co-host: Okay, so we've got the structure weakly, ideally short, focused intentions. Now let's shift from logistics to what feels like maybe the biggest psychological shift, which is who actually owns the conversation. Okay, this is where, uh, it sometimes takes a bit of an ego check for managers, myself included sometimes. But it seems crucial for actually empowering people. The idea is, while the manager sets the big picture direction for the team, this specific meeting, it's fundamentally the team members time. They should be the ones leading the conversation. This is absolutely critical. Shifting that agenda, power. It flips the whole traditional script, you know, where their manager comes in with their list of bullet points.

Narrator: Ah.

Co-host: Instead we talk about this 80, 20 rule of ownership. The team member owns, let's say 80% of the agenda, 80% of the airtime.

Host: Okay, hang on, let me play skeptic for a second. If I only get 20%, am I not, I mean, am I losing my chance to give important strategic updates or address team wide issues or maybe give some tough feedback? How do I make sure my 20% isn't just like squeezed out?

Co-host: That's a really fair question and it highlights that shift from, you know, transactional management to more of a coaching stance. The 8020 rule means the quality of your 20% has to be incredibly high. You're not ditching strategic input, you're making it more targeted, more impactful. Your 20% is reserved for very specific things. Maybe offering that high level feedback, asking really focused coaching questions, helping remove roadblocks they've identified or sharing info only you have visibility on.

Host: Ah, uh, okay, so it's not just about talking less, it's about making sure when I do talk, it really counts.

Co-host: Precisely, yeah. In terms of just like minutes talking, the manager should probably aim for 20% or even less of the total meeting time. And that time is best used for active listening. Asking those powerful what questions, not why so much, but what, and offering support. It's about empowering the team member to own their role, their challenges, and uh, their solutions. When you ask things like, okay, what options have you thought about? Or what's your plan for handling X? You're actually reinforcing their capability.

Host: And that reinforcement, that's the positive feedback loop. Right? The sources really stress that when you notice and genuinely appreciate the good stuff your team members doing, you're actively encouraging more of it. Like you point out what you appreciate and they naturally do it more often. It sounds simple, but it's apparently a very powerful behavioral nudge.

Co-host: It totally is. It connects their own internal drive, you know, wanting validation, wanting to grow with the actual goals of the organization. When a manager really nails this 8020 balance, the team member walks away feeling heard, feeling validated, and feeling capable of tackling their own stuff. Which, I mean, that's the definition of ownership, isn't it?

Host: Okay, so we've got the structure nailed down, the conversation dynamic. Yeah, the 8020 thing. But even a perfectly timed 8020 meeting can feel a bit cold, maybe transactional if you don't actually connect with the person. Which brings us to the next really high value piece, that depth of connection.

Co-host: Yeah, we have to get beyond just managing the job description, you know, and start actually leading the person. And that means knowing the whole person, not just the tasks they perform.

Host: This is where one of the sources had this detail that honestly, it felt almost surprising and how specific it was it was a guideline suggesting that really effective managers know like 100% of the names of their direct reports, immediate family members. Right.

Co-host: And look, obviously that's probably not a literal KPI. We're suggesting everyone tracks in a spreadsheet. But it speaks volumes about the intention, doesn't it? The point is to build a relationship that feels genuinely caring, meaningful. It's about finding that common ground, sharing a bit about yourself too. Life outside of work, obviously, while respecting boundaries. But when you have some sense of their life events, the stuff stressing them out, the winds they're having outside the office, you can manage with, well, actual empathy.

Host: Okay, and why does that empathy matter for, you know, the bottom line for performance?

Co-host: Because empathy is the key that unlocks motivation. You really have to know what drives each person on your team, what truly motivates them. And that means understanding of their core values. Values are like the foundation for how people make decisions, where they commit, their energy. If you don't know what they value, is it autonomy, teamwork, stability, constant learning, then you can't really leverage their strengths effectively or guide them in a way that resonates.

Host: So the goal is to try and align what they care about personally with their work tasks. Okay, but how do you get that deep knowledge without, like, making the one on one feel like some kind of therapy session or interrogation? You don't just ask, so what are your values?

Co-host: Probably not that directly, no. It can feel a bit blunt, maybe awkward. The sources suggest being a really active listener for clues. Look for the values that just emerge naturally when they talk, when they get excited about a project, listen for why. What was it? Was it the challenge? The collaboration, solving a tricky problem, the public praise? Those are their values showing up. You could also perhaps make it more formal but less intense by suggesting a, uh, values identification activity. As a team, and importantly, you share your values too, as the manager. Creating that shared understanding, it really deepens respect and trust, right?

Host: That context. Knowing the person and their values is what allows you to support them effectively, both personally and professionally. It makes the coaching land better, which kind of brings it all together in the actual dialogue itself. If the Manager's only talking 20% of the time, that time needs to be laser focused on coaching, not just giving orders or updates.

Co-host: And you operate from a core belief here that fundamentally all people are creative and resourceful. You, as a manager, you're not there to fix them, you're there to empower them to find their own solutions. It means you actively look for the bright spots. What are they doing well, and then help them figure out how to apply those successes elsewhere. And when you're brainstorming new ideas, it needs to feel like you're on equal footing. Partners in problem solving, not expert and novice.

Host: And that kind of collaboration, it demands really active listening. You know, listening with genuine curiosity, using those what questions we mentioned to avoid just jumping to solutions and also maybe restating what you hear them saying. Like, okay, so if I'm understanding correctly, you feel the biggest hurdle right now is X. Just to make sure you're on the same page.

Co-host: Exactly. Okay, let's give the listeners some really practical, actionable questions, stuff you can use right away to hand over that ownership at the start of the meeting, every single meeting, no matter how brief, could ideally start with two simple but really powerful prompts.

Host: Okay. First one, what's on your mind? Simple as that. Second, what do you want to take away from this meeting today? Those two immediately put the ball on their court, focusing on their priorities.

Co-host: Yeah, but what about those times? And every manager runs into this where the team member just says, uh, nope, everything's fine. The meeting just kind of hits a wall. Stay superficial. We need tools to dig a bit deeper sometimes.

Host: Uh, ah, yes, the everything's fine wall. This is where those slightly different, maybe more metaphorical questions can create an ah, aha moment. Instead of asking about tasks, ask about the friction points. Try something like this. What's the one rock in the road that you feel like you just have to keep stepping over again and again?

Co-host: Ooh, I like that. That kind of language works, doesn't it? It bypasses the easy answers and might get them to articulate that persistent, annoying little problem they've maybe just accepted as normal.

Host: Exactly. Or here's another one. Maybe focusing on self reflection and ownership. Where do you feel you might be taking your foot off the gas a bit in the business right now? That encourages them to think about areas maybe they're avoiding or where effort has

Co-host: dipped and always bringing it back to growth, which is, let's face it, a, uh, manager's core duty. You can ask these two questions together. First, for you to become even more effective in your role, what's maybe one thing you could change or start doing? M. And then crucially, always follow up with the support question. Okay, how can I best support you in making that happen? That turns the reflection into a potential commitment, not just, you know, a vague idea.

Host: Right? So by using this kind of coaching approach, asking these sorts of questions, you're really fulfilling that deeper managerial role, providing the feedback. Yes, but also the framework for them to grow personally, professionally year after year. Hashtag tech tag outro.

Co-host: Okay, let's do a quick recap. Then let's synthesize the absolute core strategies we've pulled out for making these one on ones truly effective.

Host: Okay? Pillar one Consistency is crucial. Aim for weekly. Keep them short. Build stress builds momentum. Biwently is really the minimum acceptable frequency.

Co-host: Pillar two make the team member own it. Use that 8020 rule. They drive the agenda. They do most of the talking. Your 20% is for high impact coaching and removing roadblocks. Pillar three go for depth and connection. Know the whole person. Understand what actually motivates them. Their values. Build that common ground. Managing motivation is managing performance really.

Host: And Pillar four Finally, adopt that coaching mindset. Ditch the checklist approach. Use curious open ended questions, maybe even metaphorical ones, to empower and challenge your report to find their own path forward.

Co-host: Right? And that leads us perfectly into the final thought we want to leave you the listener with today. It's based on that idea of looking for bright spots and believing in resourcefulness. If you genuinely, truly internalize that belief that all people are creative and resourceful, as the sources suggest, how does that fundamental belief change the questions you choose to ask? And maybe just as importantly, the questions you choose not to ask in your very next 20 or 30 minute meeting? Because that shift, that deep shift in mindset that's arguably the ultimate lever for lifting performance. Something to think about.

Narrator: That's a wrap on today's episode of Building Better Managers. If there's one takeaway, it's this. One on one meetings aren't just check ins, they're trust building, growth driving conversations that the best managers treat as a cornerstone of leadership. Start small, stay consistent and remember, the real power of a one on one isn't in the agenda, it's in the connection. If you're ready to take your leadership to the next level, Visit us@newlevelwork.com you'll find tools, insights and support to help you keep growing as a manager and help your team thrive. Thanks for listening. We'll see you next time.