The Manager as Coach: How to Use Coaching Conversations to Develop Your Team | Ep. #129

Narrator: Welcome to the Building Better Managers podcast, produced by New Level Work, where we help leaders like you grow, lead and inspire. In today's episode, we're diving into one of the most powerful and misunderstood leadership skills. Coaching. You'll learn what coaching really is and what it's not, why it separates great managers from average ones, and how you can start using it to unlock growth, performance and trust on your team. We'll break down the core mindset, introduce the grow model, and share practical ways you can start leading more effective coaching conversations starting this week. And stay tuned, because at the end of the episode, we'll tell you how to download our free coaching conversation action Guide to help you put these ideas into practice. Let's get into it.

Host: And today we are diving deep into what the sources are calling really the single most crucial skill for any modern leader, coaching.

Co-host: And it's, uh, it's a total game changer.

Host: It really is. I mean, the sources draw this line in the sand between the average manager, you know, the one who just hands out tasks, right. And the truly high performing manager. And that difference is coaching. It's about building capacity, building future leaders. It's not training.

Co-host: No, that's such a key distinction. Training is telling people what to do

Host: and how to do it.

Co-host: Exactly. I keep thinking about sports, you know, a, uh, top marathon runner, they don't need someone to teach them how to run.

Host: Of course not.

Co-host: They need a coach for that refinement, for that strategic observation that just sharpens their performance from, you know, great to world class.

Host: And that is the perfect analogy for the modern workplace. The manager as coach becomes this, this thought partner. You're not there to solve every little problem for them. You're there to help them structure their own thinking, to find their own way forward. Because if you don't know where you're going, I mean, you're just wandering. Coaching sets that personal, that professional gps.

Co-host: It moves you to action.

Host: It moves you to action and it helps you gain insight into your own head, your own decisions.

Co-host: And we know this actually works. I was really struck by some of the stories and the sources. Um, there's Mary on a product team at a big tech company. Her coach helped her stop getting so stuck in the weeds, you know, the tiny operational details, so she could focus on the big picture. And she said it helped her bring her authentic whole self to her work.

Host: And it's not just for, like, up and comers. It goes right to the top. We have Adam, a senior executive, who literally called it the most valuable experience of his Entire corporate career.

Narrator: Wow.

Host: Uh, so our goal today is to really unpack this. The mindset, the actual techniques, and then a powerful framework that you, the listener, can use to start making this happen.

Co-host: Okay, let's start with that mindset. It feels foundational. If this takes time and energy from a manager, what's the real driver? Is it just about being a good person or is there a hard business case here?

Host: Oh, it's definitely the business case. The sources lean on some really great research from Joseph Weintraub and James Hunt at Babson College. And they basically laid out four specific, very strategic reasons that coaching isn't just a, uh, nice to have. It's essential for hitting your goals.

Co-host: So let's break those down. What's the first pillar?

Host: The first one is all about business goals. It's the most direct link to the best. Managers see coaching as a. As a force multiplier.

Co-host: A force multiplier?

Host: Yeah. It's like investing five minutes a day to save yourself an hour next week. If you coach your team to solve their own problems, they get better at it, Exponentially better.

Co-host: And the strategic payoff there is just huge, isn't it? If your team is handling, say, 80% of the day to day fires.

Host: Exactly. You, the manager, are suddenly freed up. You're not bogged down in the tactical stuff. You can finally focus on the big strategic challenges that, frankly, only you can solve.

Co-host: So. So you move from being the team's firefighter to being its architect.

Host: You're the architect. That's a perfect way to put it.

Co-host: That makes a ton of sense. It connects the why directly to the bottom line. So what about the second one, the development focus? That sounds a bit more internal.

Host: It is, but it directly fuels performance. Good managers, well, they just genuinely enjoy seeing people grow. And when your team members feel that, they feel like you're invested in their development, they're more engaged, they're more engaged, more motivated, and their performance just naturally goes up. The whole goal is to get them to find their own solutions. If every single problem still has to come to your desk for an answer, you're not really coaching.

Co-host: So that's the litmus test. If I'm a manager and I'm still the answer machine, I'm not doing it right. I'm just a chief of staff, not a coach.

Host: Precisely. And that ties right into the third reason, which is curiosity. Good coaches are just. They're naturally curious people. Coaching is really just the art of asking good questions. Not to put someone on the spot, but to genuinely find what the real problems are, where the gaps are.

Co-host: But I can hear some managers thinking, look, asking questions takes way more time than just telling them the answer. So how does curiosity make my job easier?

Host: Because it's a long term play. If you give the answer, you solve one problem. For now, if you ask curious questions, you teach the process of thinking. You empower that team member to solve the next 10 problems. Without you. That's how your job gets easier. Easier.

Co-host: You're teaching them to fish.

Host: They're, uh, teaching them to fish. And um, the last pillar is connections.

Co-host: Building relationships.

Host: Yes. Good managers know that trust is everything. And coaching is the fastest way to build it. When you really listen, when you hold back your own advice and let them find their idea first, that builds an incredible amount of trust.

Co-host: So the mindset is clear, it's strategic, it's driven by a desire to develop people, and it uses curiosity to build self sufficient teams. Okay, let's switch gears from the why to the how. What are the actual tools? What does a good coaching conversation sound like?

Host: It really boils down to three core actions. And the first one is the engine for the whole thing. Asking open ended questions.

Co-host: This is what one of the coaches in the sources, Won Chun um calls opening wide to explore. You're trying to create space, not give a multiple choice test.

Host: Exactly. And these questions, they almost always start with what or how? The point isn't just to get an answer. It's to make them take ownership. So instead of, you know, should we do A or B, you ask how do you think we should proceed or what obstacles do you see coming? If we go down that path, you're making them do the critical thinking.

Co-host: That totally changes the dynamic. Okay, so that's action one. Action two is something managers do all the time, but maybe not so well. Providing specific feedback.

Host: Yeah, and the coaching approach here is so critical. Most feedback is about the past. It's about failure. And that just makes people defensive. Of course, coaching feedback has to be about continuous improvement, about the future. It's about what can be better, not who a person is.

Co-host: That's a huge distinction. Uh, can you walk us through one of the examples from the sources?

Host: Sure. So let's say a team, uh, member gives you a report and it's full of typos. The typical non coaching response is something like, you aren't good with details. Your reports are always a mess. It's a personal judgment, it's an attack on their character.

Co-host: Almost.

Host: It is. The coaching manager flips it. They focus on the process, they'd say let's explore how you can build a more thorough review plan for your next report. Or even more specific, what system can you create to get a second pair of eyes on this before it goes out?

Co-host: So it's not you're bad at this, it's let's fix the process.

Host: Exactly. It turns a weakness into a development project. And that brings us to the third action, which is where you know, the rubber meets the road. Cultivating accountability by gaining commitment.

Co-host: This is where you make sure the conversation actually leads to something.

Host: Yes, you've helped them find their own solution. Now they have to own it. And that means getting concrete. And scheduling a follow up.

Co-host: I like the tip in the sources about this. If someone says, I want to learn a new skill, the manager shouldn't just go find a class for them.

Host: No, absolutely not. You put it back on them. You say, great, by next week, can you find a project or a class that would help you build that skill? They own the search, they own the initiative.

Co-host: That's powerful. So we have the mindset and the three core actions, but what about in the room, in the moment? What are the rules of engagement? Especially since you know the manager still has the formal power.

Host: Presence and power. That's what it's about. First, your focus has to be absolute. That means eye contact, phone away, no multitasking. The second you check an email, you've told them your inbox is more important than their problem. Trust evaporates.

Co-host: That undivided attention is a huge sign of respect. But what about that power dynamic? How do you shift from boss to coach?

Host: That's where the power ratio comes in. It's a really simple but powerful idea. The manager has to strive to ask more than they tell. Okay. And the rule of thumb from the sources is a four to one ratio. Four parts. Asking and listening for every one part. Telling or advising.

Co-host: Four to one. Wow, that's, that's a big shift for most managers. What does that do psychologically? Why four to one?

Host: Because it forces the manager to let go. It guarantees that the team member is doing most of the intellectual heavy lifting. The solution that comes out is theirs, not just your idea that they agreed with. If that ratio slips to, say, 2 to 1, you're still doing too much of the talking.

Co-host: But let's be realistic. What about a crisis, you know, a, uh, deadline is tomorrow, Something is on fire. Do you still stick to 4.1?

Host: Great question. And the sources are clear that managerial judgment is key. Sometimes you have to be directive, but even then, a great Manager will ask, what do you need from me right now to get this done? You might dial the ratio down, but you don't just start barking orders. You never abandon the alliance.

Co-host: You just said a key phrase there. The developmental alliance. What is that exactly? How do you build it?

Host: It's kind of an unwritten contract. The manager agrees to give the team member opportunities to stretch, to take on projects that are maybe just a little beyond their current skill level. And crucially, the manager has to say, I've got your back.

Co-host: Meaning if they try and fail, you

Host: protect them, you shield them from the fallout, and you turn that failure into the biggest learning opportunity of the quarter. That's what makes it safe to take risks.

Co-host: And what about when you're faced with really disappointing behavior? A missed deadline, sloppy work? What's the mindset then?

Host: This is maybe the hardest part. The mindset has to be always assume positive intent. Your first instinct is to judge, to think they're lazy or they don't care.

Co-host: Right.

Host: The coaching manager has to consciously override that. They start with the assumption that their team member is probably doing the best they can with the tools or the context they have.

Co-host: But how do you not let that become an excuse for poor performance? Where's the line between positive intent and just incompetence?

Host: You find the line with curiosity. Instead of assuming incompetence, you inquire about the reality. So instead of thinking they missed the deadline, you ask, what were the biggest blockers you ran into this week that we didn't plan for? Ah.

Co-host: Uh. So you let them explain the context

Host: exactly, and you might find out it was a system failure or a dependency on another team or a lack of clarity from you. You get to the root caus without ever making it a personal failing.

Co-host: Inquiry over assumption. I love that. Okay, so to pull all these skills and mindsets together, let's talk about the famous framework for this. The GR O W model.

Host: Yes. The GRW model is the roadmap. It gives the conversation structure. It was developed back in the 80s in the UK by Graham Alexander, Alan Fine and Sir John Whitmore. And it perfectly balances that need to first open wide to explore and then narrow down to action.

Co-host: Let's walk through it, starting with G.

Host: G is for G O A L. This is about setting the destination. And you have to be so specific. It's not I want to get better at presentations. It's what specifically do you want to achieve by when? What will it actually look and feel like when you're there? You want them to paint a vivid picture of success.

Co-host: Okay, destination set.

Host: Then we move to R. R is for current reality. This is where are you right now on the map? You help the coachee assess their starting point honestly. So you ask things like where are you now in relation to that goal? And really importantly, what blockers, internal or external, do you see in your way?

Co-host: So you separate things like self doubt from, you know, lack of budget.

Host: Precisely. Then, knowing the start and the end point, you move to the creative part O for options.

Co-host: Brainstorming time.

Host: Yeah. And you want to encourage really expansive thinking here. You know, what are three totally different ways you could approach this? A great question to unlock new ideas is what would your role model do in this exact situation?

Co-host: I love that. It gives them permission to think bigger. And then finally you bring it all

Host: home with W. W is for way forward or sometimes will. This is all about commitment. You turn those cool options into a concrete plan. You ask, what is the one step you will take this week? When will you start? And then to really lock it in, you ask on a scale of 1 to 10, how committed are you to this plan?

Co-host: And if it's below a seven or

Host: an eight, you've got a problem. You have to go back and figure out what's holding them back. And you always end with, how can I best support you to reinforce that

Co-host: alliance, that GR o w structure, goal, reality, options, way forward. It's such a clear and powerful tool. And the sources really emphasize that when you connect these individual plans to the bigger company goals, that's when you get that sense of purpose and belonging that really motivates people.

Host: It's the ultimate win win. You're empowering them to find their own success, which amplifies the success of the entire team.

Co-host: Well, that brings us to the end of our deep dive. We've seen that coaching is this crucial strategic partnership. It's driven by curiosity and it's executed through specific feedback and that powerful grow framework.

Host: And remember, the best manager isn't the one with all the answers. It's the one who asks the best questions.

Co-host: We spent a lot of time on how important it is to recognize your own biases and to use questions to get past them. So here is our final provocative thought for you to take into your week. What is one negative assumption you currently have about a team member's performance? Maybe that they lack initiative or aren't strategic that you could challenge tomorrow just by replacing that assumption with one genuinely curious what or how question.

Narrator: That's a wrap for today's episode. Of building better managers brought to you by new level work. We hope you're walking away with fresh insights on what it really means to coach your team and how even small shifts in your conversations can lead to big changes in performance, trust, and growth. If this episode helped you see coaching in a new light, make sure to follow or subscribe wherever you're listening so you never miss a new episode. And if you're ready to take action, we've got you covered. Just check the description for a link to download your free Coaching Conversation Action Guide. It's packed with prompts and structure to help you start using what you learned today. Thanks for joining us. Now go build better conversations and better managers.