Creating Genuine Connections in a Virtual World with Parker Nielson

welcome to ask Ashley the podcast where we shine a light on the unsung heroes of the workplace I'm your host Ashley Russo financial AI board member thought leader and wealth management advisor each week we sit down with inspiring leaders exploring their journeys motivations and the real challenges they face from job insecurity to the evolving role of AI in a world where many feel overlooked these guests are building hope and connection for their colleagues join us as we uncover their stories and discover how they're making a difference one conversation at a time hello everybody Ashley Russo here with Parker who I know we're all gonna walk away from this conversation just feeling empowered and dare I say happy he just brings joy at least that's been my experience no pressure Parker so with that Parker would you please introduce yourself yeah I I feel honored with that introduction so maybe I'll just run with that one but I'm Parker Nielson I'm head of people strategy and operations at a company called Thoropass and we do risk and compliance but absolutely love people and growing organizations and I always joke I focus on the awkward teenage phase of a company so that's a little bit about me love that I love that well Parker will you start with walking us through your career path so far so what inspired you to pursue tech and the startup ecosystem and how did you end up at your current company yeah um how did I get into recruiting first off like most luck is an answer when I was young in my career I simply just said yes to everything I was one of the first people at a startup uh they said hey who wants to help us open a new office oh me right and and it just kind of opened a door a bunch of doors to a lot of opportunities and as that company grew and and we exited I I kind of sat and thought what do I do next I realized one of the things that I found the most joy in is finding people who have raw potential or skill maybe they just need help getting into the right place and helping them get there so that's what got me really excited about recruiting um I first started at an agency called K Force I then got recruited from a company called Wayfair they were looking for someone to help grow their sales organization I had some peers that went over to toast so I went there and then one of my peers from wayfair started her own agency and she had throw passes a client and reached out to me when they were looking for someone to lead their recruiting and people team and so I'm so excited to be here today and my network is kind of helped bridge those gaps in between sounds like saying yes and being open and available to the universe of possibility and opportunities certainly was part of it which is neat to hear it is and I think it was great at the time looking back there's probably some things I should have said no to uh but that's part of the learning lesson right as we learn and it it helped define who I am as a leader and I know what I want to be and I also know what I don't want to be so yeah equally as valuable equally as valuable so can you share a key turning point or challenge in your journey that defined how you show up and approach leadership hmm yeah I I would say there's been a couple moments in my life right it's never been one exact thing but I would say one of the direct moments early on is when I was a teenager in 16 I had a really rare tumor called nodular fasciitis in my neck and that's a lot right I think when we're teenagers we think we can take on the world we can do anything nothing can hurt us and to hear you know I was the third case in the last 50 years with this specific case and it really makes you pause and reflect and as I started looking around at other individuals going through similar situations I realized there's really only two choices it's that simple you can give up or you can fight still to this day I've yet to meet someone that has had a tumor or cancer or serious illness that gave up and lived I have met people that fought till the very end and I've met people that have fought and made through it and and so I think that was one of the biggest takeaways for me is if I even wanted a shot at winning my only option was to fight and learn and to push through and and that's really carried into my personal life hobbies and sports that I did as a kid and now as as a career and a leader wow that's powerful powerful and I'm curious how has going through how is going through that experience those health challenges how is that shown up in your professional life how does that shape the leader that you are today I think for me this is a great question the world's not black and white right and I think we all look for the checkbox approach to life and I know that's how our brains tend to work it's tell me exactly what to do and how do I get there and give me the check box to success but it's always pivoting it's always changing you never know what's gonna happen and so it's really how do you pivot in those moments how do you learn and grow and more importantly how do you appreciate those moments cause they're what got you to where you are today yeah that's a good that's a good thing for all of us to hear maybe something that we know you know in in theory but to hear it and to remind ourselves of that I know we've had previous conversations and you also had potentially not the the most traditional education approach so I'm curious if you'll share your journey around that and how that's shaped your your perspective and your approach as a leader yeah um it was something I was actually really embarrassed by until I don't know probably the last five years is when I decided to be brave enough to speak up but I dropped out of college not because I struggled I in fact I did really well but the startup I was at just took over some of the classes I took I actually felt like I was getting and just kind of wasting time you know doing a a checkbox and so you know I I just kind of joined the workforce and figured it out and well I do believe that that has defined who I am as a person today and it's it's kind of a chip on my shoulder right it's I know I don't have something that most people do it's something that drives me but the reason I didn't talk about it is I also felt judged by it right I especially when you're leading a team and you have some phenomenal individuals that report to you that went to Ivy League schools or got this fantastic degree and you're like my gosh I didn't achieve that and it is a big accomplishment and I think the thing that really stood out to me I had a mentor who LED the e and I at Wayfair and I was talking to her about this once and I was like like how do I talk about this even when I apply to a job like I get automatically rejected cause I don't have a bachelor's degree and she's like Parker if you feel this way about something as silly as a piece of paper how do you think people from minorities feel of different backgrounds or colors or or maybe a learning disability or right like those are real problems right that they can't control and you could go back to school if you wanted to and I think that's really what helped me get like an aha moment into Dei specifically is I'm embarrassed about something silly right a piece of paper that says I Learned something that there's not even a recruiting degree that I could have gotten in the first place right it's not even in my profession and it's really helped me become more accepting of others and understand that we all have skeletons in our closets or things that we feel ashamed of and that we're our own worst critics but it's nothing that we should be afraid of or to hide and we need to be brave enough to speak up another very very good message and whatever it is I'm sure people have a million different examples of fill in the blank is something that they just feel embarrassed to say out loud or think they'll be judged for maybe they actually are judged for but who's judging skeletons do they have in their closet right so I think it's a really good call out you you mentioned obviously diversity and I'm curious your your current company operates in what over 19 countries which is incredible that's an incredibly diverse workforce uh what have been some of the opportunities and challenges when it comes to building connections in a global virtual environment fantastic question one of the things we have at Thorough Pass is a social committee and we have individuals from all different teams within the organization who we try to drive belonging well we had a meeting last week and I gave them a teaser that I was gonna be on a podcast and and talk about this and I asked is there anything that you wish I brought here that makes Thorough Pass different and makes people feel belong like they belong and everyone spoke up but one individual spoke up specifically and was like the thing about Thorough Pass is I truly feel like I can be myself and it's because it's not like an assigned task it's something I truly want to do and everyone else wants to do it too and he shared a story that he was at a an off site with a bunch of individuals and they were doing a conference and in most organizations it's like I have to do this dinner and I'm gonna be up from 7 till midnight every single day he's like but we all wanted to in fact is the meeting ended uh or the conference would end and we were going to dinner they said hey like this is what we're doing if you want to come great if you don't great and it it wasn't forced and it's it sounds so silly that being genuine and caring and just wanting to help other people is the way to make that happen so that's that's one thing from a more tactful version I think when I first started we tried to plan the big virtual events how do we have a speaker talk about this or how do we have this happen and I remember when I joined the committee I said what does good turnout look like and like oh most of these events we get like 20 to 30 people a really good one we get forty and that was something that they were our our team was really proud of and I said wait 20 people that's 10% of the company 40 people that's a third of the company so the best initiative and meetings and moments that we were doing we were only getting a third percent a third of the people there and a lot of it is in a virtual environment we're busy we all work different time zones we all have different life I talk a lot about work life balance and work life blend and one of the things we realized is our team loves Slack and so how do we find a better more meaningful way where people can engage on their own time and so uh things like International Family Day hey today's International Family Day everyone post a picture of your family and it creates these moments of natural connection where everyone can get involved whether it's 1:00am my time or noon your time right and it it really does create that space for us all to come together I love that I love that and finding ways where it's again genuine versus forced that's great so I'm curious based off that what role do these committees and ERGs play in the company can you share a story of a program or initiative that had a meaningful impact on the team yeah I would say first off doing something is better than nothing so I highly recommend starting with the committee starting with the organization starting with the ERG whatever it is to get that off the table that is the best starting point now can you teach people to be genuine and caring and do it out of the goodness of their heart not as much right but you'll find those people with time and that's something that really drives that I would say one of the things that I've done in my career is specifically around minorities there's a lot of organizations out there that are trying to help minorities enter the workforce specifically tech right and so these are great partnerships that you can work with early on in your career to help staff customer success roles SDR roles right entry level positions and it really brings a different and unique perspective to your team and your culture as you strategically start to target non profits that truly care about making a difference out there so I know that was kind of an ambiguous way to answer your question but happy to go deeper well I'm gonna double click on potentially a heated topic way so in this environment right where there's a lot of energy and feeling around even the word diversity or the word inclusion and in this climate how do you create that psychological safety that that space where people do you feel safe to bring their authentic selves yeah I I think it starts with being vulnerable right and it starts with being yourself and not making that an awkward topic to talk about I know that sounds silly and hard to do and it's you know I can't talk about you know religion or politics or whatever around the the dinner table but then you're expected to do it at work uh kind of seems seems backwards but people genuinely assume positive intent as you continue to listen one of the best parts about working with a multi uh country workforce is things are different I mean I can't tell you how many meetings I join where wait why did your president do this or why is this happening in the US like help me understand here's how the rest of the world's seeing it and I wouldn't have had those conversations at previous organizations that were solely US based but because I have a team that truly accepts each other wants to learn and grow and talk through it I think that's one of the starting points but it starts with a leader being brave enough to approach that subject and to have that conversation with whoever they talk with so if someone was feeling disconnected because you clearly celebrate obviously the authenticity and the genuine connection I'm curious if someone felt disconnected or or hesitant to speak up how do you find the support for that person yeah um every person's different and maybe that also talks to my leadership style there there isn't one size fits all blanket statement that you know what here's the one thing that works with everybody and even with my team I have some individuals that I have great relationships with but they need 24 hours to process anything right especially feedback or or or even positive things right it's like they're they're not good at thinking on the the fly there's nothing wrong with that it's how they learn and I'm able to adapt to that as a leader of hey here's the information let's reconnect tomorrow to talk through a plan I have other individuals that if I were to share information or have a conversation with that's gonna be in their brain until it's resolved right and so hey I will stay on till midnight if that's what it takes let's talk through this let's work through it let's figure it out and so I think that's to answer your question Ashley right if someone doesn't feel like they belong or that they can't fill that space or that they don't feel safe how do we create it right I think the other thing is if you wait till the moment of stress you've already waited too long and I think that's the other thing we forget it's kind of like relationships right when you uh talk to your friends and family about the boyfriend girlfriend whoever and you're telling them everything that's wrong and they're like well then just leave and you're like but I love them right it's it's kind of that wrong moment right and there's that heated stress and you're already there and you're already frustrated and then you have these two different perspectives that don't see eye to eye versus before that even began helping someone understand that you're always there for them no matter what the situation is so when we get to this crossroads you have that relationship and that trust to navigate and it sounds like you're really meeting people where they're at I mean you're you're talking to them in the language they understand you know or you're helping them process in the way that they understand um I think that's that's important imagine you know how people's relationships would be whether it's professional or personal if we all adopted that mentality right really speaking to someone in a way that they can hear it I think that's that's brilliant in terms of your own influences obviously you are a very self aware human who then engages with other humans to also maintain their own awareness right in the world so who are your mentors who do you follow in leadership how do you have this perspective ooh um first off I am a middle child of 8 so I have a little bit of middle child syndrome where I have to prove my way and define who I am so so that's that's part of it but I would say from a mentor standpoint I can think through my career of a handful of people where you know what I like this from you know Courtney and I like this from Molly and I like this from Millie and and Dicken and and and the names can continue does that mean I like the whole bucket or I want to be exactly like them no right but I want to bring the best qualities of all the leaders and people I've LED in the past to kind of Frankenstein myself together on that same note and I think where we started this this call I've also had leaders where I don't want to do that and I don't want to be that kind of person um and so I've made intentional ways to not become that human so as much as I would love to say one day I want to be like X one day I want to be me right and that's something that I'm really pushing towards and me is the best of all of those people that I've met throughout my life and my journey and the people I'll meet to come ooh I like that's a mic drop moment can we just stay on that for a second that's great sure thank you I mean doesn't that give people permission to choose them and and also you've had a journey right you haven't for one moment said that you had it all figured out you said you've Learned along the way and you're taking different pieces and you're evolving and Frankenstein you know this person together which is great but it's you and the version of you that you are creating along the way that you wanna be that's incredible you know and actually I I still haven't figured it out and I think that's the other thing right it's we we grow up our entire lives and they say well Ashley what do you wanna be when you grow up and you're expected to have this defined answer of I wanna be a doctor or an astronaut right I don't know what I wanna be and I've very rarely have met an adult who actually has an answer to that question but going back to where we started I think sometimes we're afraid to admit that right versus saying you know what I don't know what I wanna be but I know what makes me happy I know what makes me feel valued I know what I like to learn and grow and as long as I do those things I'm gonna feel fulfilled and it's gonna get me to where I should be one day it's again such a beautiful sentiment because I feel like in this fast paced technology world right in this this perfect Instagram world where people are supposed to just arrive at perfection versus find their way towards their version of perfect that's beautiful permission I'd be curious what are some of the routines habits things you practice regularly to stay grounded you know both personally and professionally especially when you spend your professional career pouring into others what keeps you whole yeah so I think the official word is omnivore but don't quote me on that one I am very extroverted at work I am very not right in fact I'm pretty silent outside of work right and that's something that it's often strange to others but I like my alone time I like to go grab dinner by myself and just relax and and you know I spend all day talking to people sometimes the last thing I wanna do is talk talk to people at the end of the day and and that's okay I would say the one routine that I have that I do every single morning is the way I get ready my wife makes fun of me cause I probably take longer to get ready than she does and I have to do it the exact same she's like well can't you just like shower and like throw on a shirt and get out the door no I can't I just feel like I'm you know forgot to wear my watch right that day and and it's just a very weird feeling and so that's the one thing that I know I can always start off the same and then the rest of my day can be a roller coaster on the topic of still growing and evolving though I think one of the other things that again I was ashamed by and just recently started to share I tend to handle stress very well at work and one of the things I'd noticed is you know people often Parker you're really level headed you're talking through this well then I'd bring that stress home it doesn't help that I have a seven year old a four year old and a two year old who are chaotic and wanting everything from dad all the time and I started struggling with anxiety right and although it didn't show up in my work life it showed up in my life life I think it took my wife two and a/2 3 years of constantly saying like go talk to a doctor go talk to a doctor go do this and talking about mental health let alone men's mental health no that doesn't exist that's not real I'll tough through it I'll figure it out it wasn't until I was brave enough to finally go seek help and how do I work through this how do I talk through it it's still something I'm obviously sensitive to talking about but again if I'm too ashamed to talk about me feeling stressed by a bunch of kids that scream and yell and throw toys everyone else feels that too right it's just about being brave enough to bring it up I wanna just commend your bravery for a second and I I know someone listening will just breathe deeper just from hearing that again it's why do we put this pressure on ourselves to not have these moments of I gotta work on myself too I need these moments this is stressful I take on what's interesting in the leadership position you're in is you do have to stay so strong for everyone around you you're a human too at the end of the day right and the fact that you are a real person with real life experiences and a real family boy how refreshing is that and you're working on the things that you wanna work on to make yourself feel more whole that is a beautiful call to action it's a beautiful call to action um thank you I wanna ask if you can design a fun question if you could design a perfect Ferris Bueller's Day Off for yourself what would it look like um yeah I'm curious yeah sleep if that's a fair answer I absolutely love sleeping and so sleeping in waking up having a cup of coffee and then taking a nap and then waking up and going out to dinner I know that sounds so simple but isolation would be like my ideal dream day maybe throw on like a massage or a spa package and done deal I think I want that exact fair spieler day off honestly I think once you have kids you realize how precious the morning is and when you get that morning to yourself all the cup of coffee and just sitting and eating breakfast you know yeah I and then and then going back to sleep I think that is a beautiful every parent listening will be like I want that day and I'm glad you threw in the the spa because that was what was missing originally from that that equation that's perfect of course always love a good massage so we can't say no to that so my final question the question I always like to end with with all of the wisdom and knowledge and experience that you have at this point if you can go back and say anything to your younger self what would you say yeah um the silly answer that I could give is like invest in like Amazon or Google or or buy real estate but I think one of the mantras that I live by now that I wish I would have lived by earlier is worst case tomorrow or worst case scenario we won't do that again tomorrow right I've Learned a lot of throughout my career but most of those learnings are from mistakes that I've made and even people that I've hurt right as I've I've been a a leader and a manager and even though my intent was good sometimes delivery's bad and there's you know it's a learning lesson and I I think we all wish we could learn faster I think we would all wish we could be perfect out of the gates and as soon as I figured out that it's okay to make mistakes it's okay to learn it's okay to be a failure it's okay to be human learn from it and just don't do it again I mean everything became so much more easy and I became way more grounded as an individual and as a lead that is the official mic drop moment there's been a few but that's the official one Parker you are just a delight I appreciate your honest real truthful approach in life I know so many myself included really appreciate your perspective thank you for being here today yeah thank you so much