Why Moms Like Us Feel at War with Ourselves (with Amanda Goetz)

Speaker A: Welcome to the Boss mom podcast. You've got Dana mallstaff here and boy, are you in for a treat because this episode is real raw, playful, honest. It was such a fun conversation. Now my Guest is a two time founder, four time CMO divorce mom of three. She inspires over 150,000 people every single week through her social insights and weekly newsletter, Life's a Game. My guest, Amanda Goetz is just so honest and open and we both got to have this really awesome conversation and she talks about some of the things in the book that are just so valuable and important. So I don't wanna keep you any longer. You're gonna have an absolute blast. Such a great conversation. Now there are one or two little juicy words in there, so if you've got little tiny tots around, you might wanna have your headphones on just in case. Otherwise, come in and let's hang out with Amanda. Amanda, welcome to the Boss mom podcast. I am super excited to have you here.

Speaker B: I am so excited to be here.

Speaker A: Okay, so before we were chatting, before we hit record and there's. We both agreed we have a ton of things going on, right? And you, you are hosting the podcast the Ambition 2.0, right? You've got your book the Toxic Grit, right? And so I think all of our listeners, and I don't know you that well, so we're going to uncover whether this is true or not, but that there is a belief in, uh, doing things, getting things done, reaching goals, fulfilling things in life. And also part of your book also talks about the other side of actually and you in a lot of what I've seen on social from you about how we take care of ourselves, how we grow, how we all. A bunch of stuff. There's so much that we can unpack. One of the things that I wanted to ask before we get into some of the really cool aspects of the book is what made you decide to write it? What made you decide that this needed to be out? Because we talked before and you're like, you have a full time job, you have your newsletter. You have no shortage of things to do. No M. So it's not like you were sitting around going, what should I fill my time with? What made you decide that this needed to be written?

Speaker B: So I, uh, don't know if you've read Eve Rodsey's latest book, Unicorn Space, but really I started writing during COVID and then a lot more after Covid, after I sold my B2C startup in a. In an equity deal and I started writing as Kind of a cathartic, therapeutic way to understand and process a lot that I had gone through both, uh, and for those that don't know my backstory, I was leading marketing at the Knot process. Prior to Covid. I had three kids under the age of four and I filed for divorce. And in a time that I think society wanted me to pick a very neat box, like you're either girl bossing and leaning in and breaking glass ceilings, or you are domestic and a great mom and a trad wife. I found myself needing to hold both equally and wanting to do both and needing to do both because I was really financially on my own. And I started to. Once I got out of survival mode and I could process a lot of the things that had happened during that couple of year span. I started writing and then that turned into me thinking maybe I should start doing a newsletter. I. There's some stuff here that I think would help people. And I started writing the newsletter and I realized my newsletter is. It grew really fast. I think I had 50,000 subscribers within a few months. It grew really fast. And then I started just getting a ton of amazing feedback about these frameworks that to me were, uh. I think sometimes when you're doing something or you've found kind of your zone of genius, you're like, everybody does it this way. Everybody knows this. And I was getting the feedback. They were like, uh, I've never heard of it explained like this or this is helping me so much. So I started to write more and then my newsletter started to get really long and I'm like, okay, let's maybe see if this can turn into a proposal. So I put something together as a proposal, put it out into the world. I have a couple of friends who are authors and I was like, listen, I don't want any savers. If you read this and you think that it could help somebody, then I would love an intro to your agent. That led to me signing with an agent and then getting the book deal. And now here we are. I love it.

Speaker A: You also make that sound so easy, which. So here's my question. I think this is also somewhat relevant to the. Some of the overarching concepts of the book is I'm a big believer that if you already know that it's going to work, you already are inviting in everything you want. You're already thinking about what that I've had, uh, a guest on before talking about money. That's like, you've got already, you know, know, uh, know all the things you want. Not being Apologizing for them, know that they're possible, know that you're capable of it. So is there, what was your mindset during this process? Because I know for a fact, and there are women in my community that would go, what do you mean? You just all of a sudden had 50,000 subscribers. What do you. How, how did that happen? And we don't have to go into like the how necessarily, but I, I definitely think it's relevant to going into some of the structure of your book. What was your, what were you thinking? What was your mindset when you went into it that you think helped with its success?

Speaker B: I've done a lot of different modalities of therapy. And one of the modalities, my favorite

Speaker A: intro to any conversation.

Speaker B: So we can dive into a plethora of things I've done. But one of them, which people may be like, this is so woo woo, was subconscious hypnotherapy work. Okay. And I worked with a hypnotherapist. And it is wild what I've learned through that process of, uh, how much we have control over our brain to move us in the direction that we want or it's going to move us in a direction that we fear. And we have to be on top of that. And just to make this at, uh, bring it to very tactical. She had me, the very first thing I did with her was she had me close my eyes and picture a lemon. And then I went to the lemon and I felt the lemon and then I took out a knife and I cut the lemon and I smelled the lemon and then I bit into the lemon. And literally as I'm saying this, even my tongue is watering. Because when you do that, I'm not actually, there's no lemon in my hand. I'm not actually biting a lemon. But our brain is thinking about the lemon so much that our mouth starts watering. Okay, now let's extrapolate this to our life. What we are focused on will happen. And so if you are focused on really negative things, all of a sudden you keep surrounding and finding yourself in negative situations. And so the more I've understood the power of that, I use the brain to focus on all the amazing things that could happen. And I just keep focusing on that. And your brain starts to find the ways to make it happen. And I know that sounds so woo woo, but you can only process so much in your brain and you might as well use your brain power to keep looking out for the things that are going to make you successful. And if you're going after something like a book deal. There's, there's so many ways that you can focus on all the ways that could go wrong and why you shouldn't have a. You couldn't have a book deal. Why it's gonna. You're not like that person, whatever. Or you can keep putting yourself in situations where it could go right. Surround yourself with other authors, get. Have the conversations about and also change your mindset of. I'm an author. Oh, I'm an author. Oh. What do you do right now? Oh, I, I'm working on my next book. Like how do you keep putting it into your brain that you are going down this path and to share a quick little witchy story. But I did a lot of work to prepare myself to release a lot of things to get ready for my next partnership. M. I was single for many years, just dating, having fun, not focusing on trying to find a uh, partnership again. I didn't want anybody to be in my kids lives that I wasn't a hundred percent. And I went on this trip to Italy with a group of women and we did this ceremony that was literally. We wrote on a piece of paper what we wanted and then we had to write on a different piece of paper what we were willing to let go of to get it. And we had done a lot of just mindful work and meditation. And I finally wrote I'm willing to let go of the fear of not being lovable. Uh, and I put it into the fire and I was like I am lovable. I am worth. And there's. This isn't a therapy session but there's so many stories I have that I can tell myself of reasons to support maybe that I'm not lovable. Right. I let go of that and I met Dan, the person I'm marrying in a few months, a few weeks later.

Speaker A: And I.

Speaker B: He is the most incredible human and I wouldn't have been ready for him had I not fully released.

Speaker A: Yeah.

Speaker B: That I'm worthy and I deserve him because I would have sabotaged out of it.

Speaker A: I love this because I'm a big believe. I think most women don't even realize that they feel that they feel like if they're not hyper vigilant, if they're not taking care of everything, if they're not doing everything, if they're not proving that they're in uh, performing all the time that they are worthy of being leveled by doing things that. Yeah. And it's like I, because I had to do the same practice my daughter. What Was it a couple years ago. And she was in bed snuggling with me.

Speaker B: And she was.

Speaker A: And I think our kids are. Some of our kids are similar. I've got 10 and 12.

Speaker B: I'm um, 12, 10, 8 and.

Speaker A: And I. Yeah. And she was like, I mom, it's. It's impossible not to love you. And I burst into tears. I burst into tears. That made me.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: And I was like, wow, that is. And to feel like she really meant it. She's just like, just you. We're not doing anything. You're not doing anything for me. You're just like. You're just impossible not to love. And I was like, oh my God, Dana, we need to go down this rabbit hole. Cause you obviously have some issues. And just unpacking like I ended up doing IIFs, the internal family system. So that whole. And my. My cousin actually has a ketamine clinic which I don't really talk about, uh, on there. But I did a session that a micro dosing with definitely the to do with ifs, which was life changing. So I think probably similar to the way you were doing the hypno and one.

Speaker B: I also was a ketamine therapy company. So I also am a firm believer in ketamine as a proponent.

Speaker A: Yeah, I didn't really understand it, but then she explained all these things to me. Yeah, it's a really. I think there's a lot. And she works with a lot of veterans, a lot of ptsd. There's some really cool stuff. And so I had a full on experience like looking back of my mom. My mom was a single mom for a while and being like, we have to figure out what, where to put Dana what to do with Danna because she would work nights at the hospital. So I ended up sleeping at the hospital like in a cot. And um, they would have the kids that parents were there and I like hung out with the other kids. And I remember some of my friends were like cancer patients and we would watch Teenage Mutant Turtles together. We lived in LA at the time and we. But I remember I'm like, I didn't consciously remember that, but when I was going in I was thinking it was my dad who like left when I was young and didn't really care about seeing with me. But it's actually hearing my parents say we gotta figure out what to do with her. Like you're. In my mind. I was like, oh, I'm a burden. Like if my mom didn't have me, her life would be easier. And oh my gosh it took me just saying that would I burst into tears. It took me, I don't know, six to eight months of saying it out loud. That I'm like. And to understand. That's the. That is not at all what she meant. That's not at all what she. And now I am intentional about. Oh, I get to pick you up from school. Like, I get to take you. Like, I. I change my route for my kids because obviously, like, it hit me. But I love what you're saying because I think so many women, and especially moms, we get into that hyper vigilance, and we think that the only way we are lovable is by what we do. And then we attract. We really do attract people or experiences where that expects. Expectation is set and always let down. Because you cannot do everything all the time, and you need to let go. It's hard to grow teams. It's hard to grow a business. It's hard to grow relationships. It's hard to even just, uh. You just get exhausted, and then what you want is. You want somebody to just love you. But you've never set up the standard with which to receive.

Speaker B: Yeah, the. The visual. I'm a big visual person, so the visual I had to use and what you're saying, just reminding me of this visual picture. A corn maze, right? Our brain is like a corn maze. And they have plowed through one path for you, and that's the path that you're going to keep taking, because it's really hard to go through corn that's up. Right. But if you want to create a new pathway, a new story you're telling yourself, and especially one that is. If there is a path that is so deeply set, it is a lot of work to carve a new path in that cornfield. But the first time you do it really hard, you break into tears. You're like, holy. I didn't even realize there's another way to think about this, to think about myself. Then you do it again and again. And now you have this new, beautiful pathway that you can go down. And, uh, to bring this into concrete, think about all the stories that we, as busy women tell ourselves. I have to do all of these things. If I don't do it, no one else will. And. And some of those pathways, you have to kind of get really introspective about. And in my book, I use the language of character theory and the character. What script is that character reading from? Is it a script that society gave you? Oh, if you're a working mom, you're not a great mom like society. What did we imprint with growing up? And then there's cultural, like what does your culture tell you? And does what Are you reading from a cultural script? Are you reading from your familial generational script? I come from a family. I grew up pretty poor. My neither of my parents went to college. My dad's the town plumber. My mom was a stay at home mom and I come from a long line of more generational poverty and oh, we're not great with money and this is where we are. And I at a subconscious level would. That's the story I told myself. I'll never break out of generational pot being behind or not having as much as other people. And I had to plow a whole new lens because I would look around and be like easy for them to do that they have so much money or they came from connections and they had this. And I have the same ability to send an email or dm. Um, yes, maybe they have uh, already have the email of that person but I can find a way to get that email of that person and I can get in there too. And so it's like new pathway. And we do this so often without realizing that we're just going down the laid path from any of those other scripts that were given to us.

Speaker A: Yeah. I. And mine was if you're, if you're, if you have money, you're evil, you're bad. And if you're. Yeah. My dad owned an auto body shop and his partner, they had a breaking apart who's my uncle and, and he went off, opened a separate autobody shop and ran it really well, scaled it, grew it and but would fire people if they weren't doing their job and like just knew how to run a company that had expectations and that my dad never let anybody go even if there wasn't money. He would give things away, everything. Because if you care about people then money doesn't matter. And if money matters to you, then you don't care about people. And that was what I was taught growing up. I'd have a fricking ton of therapy around the idea that money does not make you bad. And there are a ton of crappy poor people and there are a ton of crappy rich people and what you decided. But money is just fluidity. It's just a fluid aspect. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Like I make sure I do not teach my children that because that idea I think is pervasive throughout a lot of society that if you have money, then you become a bad person. And as I've gotten more money, I'm like, oh wait, I'm still really good. In fact, the more money I have, the more good things I can do.

Speaker B: Exactly, exactly. Look, there are a lot of bad people and part of why we're in this really messed up place in the world is that there are a lot of not great people with a lot of money and making decisions for us. But that doesn't mean that's a blanket statement. So, yeah. So yeah, in this book, a lot of what we're talking about is like a cousin. But the origin of character theory was really I was juggling the three kids under the age of four going into my job that I loved and I finally felt confident and powerful and knew what I was doing and leading big teams and then having to leave work early because I needed to get home to put three kids to bed and relieve the babysitter. And I remember and I tell the story in the book. One night I was sitting there after a particularly just normal day and I was rocking my son to sleep and I took out my notes app and I wrote the words, you can't have it all. And I was like, where is the friction coming from? I can do it all. And yet I feel so disconnected from myself. What is happening? And I realized in that moment that it was the word you because it in isolation. The work version of me didn't want to leave work at 4:30, didn't want to leave meetings early to go pump. Didn't wanted to just put blinders on and keep working and kill it. The mom version of me doesn't care about work. She's so upset that I missed the swim class and didn't get to see Grace and go underwater for the first time or whatever. She doesn't want to worry about the emails. Then there's these other versions of me. There's the version of me that wants to like, honor and love my sexuality and like feeling desired and experiencing pleasure. But that version of me hates kids and work and version of me that wants to say, I don't want to be in service to anyone. I don't want anyone to need me. I want to go grow on my own and be independent. And then there's the version of me that wants to have a beautiful partnership and do life with someone. And so as I sat there and uh, looked at these different, somewhat oppositional forces inside of me, I'm like, I feel disconnected because we're being fed this line of find alignment Bring your whole self to work. That wasn't working for me. I have a version of me that loves to go once a quarter, get drunk on tequila with my girlfriends and go dancing. But I have another version of me that cares so deeply about health, wellness, longevity. I'm a former certified personal trainer and I'm like, they're all so diverse. Yet we as women are trying to find alignment within this diversity instead of honoring and creating separation and saying, okay, all of these characters exist within me. How am I able to move each of their plot lines forward? Maybe not all at once. Um, some are going to be main characters, some are going to be main characters for a really long time. But what does it look like to audit them, get to know them in a vacuum, get to know what script they're reading from and is it really, is it really the script that adult 40 year old me would write for those characters? And then creating really to put like a business term on it, an operating rhythm for your life so that you can just create more intentionality around the need for hierarchy. Uh, truly you can't be two characters at once, ever. I don't care what somebody says. If you are working while your kids at home, you have to create hierarchy. For this hour I'm going to put work version of me before mom version of me. That means TV on, snacks in hand. I'm going in, I'm shutting the door, I'm working. Yep, hour two. Mom's going to the front, work is going to the back, I'm going to sit, we're going to play a game or we're going to go for a walk and I'm going to email and slack from my phone and I'm going to work so I can be present. But what is the sorting function there? And we have to acknowledge that and that's okay. And when you do that you're like uh, okay, but uh, how many times do you go to the gym and you say that's important to you, but then you allow yourself to get pulled into social media or work or thinking about your kids needs and then you realize you got a really shitty workout in and you're upset about it, or you go to the couch and say I just need an hour to decompress and two minutes in you're ordering Amazon presents for a kid's birthday party and you are thinking about the next work trip and what you're going to pack and we label it as productive. Like I'm maximizing my time and what you're actually doing is is starving that character from getting their screen time. It's being hijacked by your caregiver character, by your socialite character. And each character, and you learn this in the first section of the book, each character meets different human needs that you have. And so you're a lazy character. The needs that you have are, you need emotional rest, you need cognitive rest, you need sensory rest. You've got sensory inputs coming from all angles all day. But scrolling on social media is not emotional rest.

Speaker C: Yeah.

Speaker B: Thinking about what you need to order for the. The party or whatever, not cognitive rest. So what would it look like if you actually said for the next hour and I literally, I will set timers for one hour. My lazy character is taken over the screen time. I'm going to become one with the couch. No one is going. I'm not doing anything else. I'm going to watch my favorite show and no one needs anything from me.

Speaker A: Yeah.

Speaker B: And so that's what I talk about with the, uh, compartmentalization, the separation. And I think we can touch on this too. But also honoring the need for transition sequences between those characters because I, like I said, my goddess character hates children. If I want to step into the version of me that feels sexy and is worthy of pleasure, I have to get out of my head. No one needs to need me. And so we have a transition sequence that either is he's putting the kids to bed or if we're going on a date night, I go get ready. And he gets ready in a different bathroom and he gets the babysitter ready. And I am getting ready. I'm. I don't. I'm not a mom anymore. I am a young, sexy, 40 year old woman that's gonna go get a little tipsy and flirt with this hot man. And I basically am m like, bye, kids. And out the door I go. I am not sitting there going, okay, and then if Grayson doesn't shower, here's what you're going to do. I have to compartmentalize. And that allows me to honor the version of me that wants to have a really great marriage.

Speaker A: Oh, I love all of this. Yeah. And there's so much. It's, uh, so funny because I think there's. When you start moving into the self development, I think there's a lot of forgiveness because a lot of you'll talk about in the book is also the then doing this process. What it does is it eliminates the guilt and the shame, which is a lot of the problem. Right. And I love it because it was as I Was reading through everything, because each of your parts, it's like you're like. They have a purpose, a script requirements. And I was thinking. I go. Generally, I go. It's either Palm Springs or Chicago for my birthday, right? So it's like, I don't want my kids for my birthday, and I don't want my kids for Mother's Day. On Mother's Day, I. Because it's my dad's birthday, is right around there. So I like taking my mom out. Cause when I tried to marry my mom with my kids and there's three generations, nobody was happy. Nobody was having fun. So I was like, I no longer want my kids for Mother's Day. I want one day with my mom, my dad, and then I want to do some craft art thing that I've just been wanting to do for a long time. Just for me to feel like I made something.

Speaker B: I love that.

Speaker A: And then on my birthday, I like, in Palm Springs, there is a place that is. It's adults only. There are no kids allowed. And I go to a pool with no kids.

Speaker B: Yep.

Speaker A: It is. What that part of me wants is a quiet pool. Nobody's yelling, nobody's jumping. I can read a book. I lounge. It's nice and hot. It's like. And I'm like, that is what I want. Or I want my heels on. I want strutting down like Michigan. I go to Ralph Lauren. I get an expensive steak and some wine. I sit and I journal and. Or I. I'll go on a random day, and I'll go to a happy hour wearing heels. I bring my computer, and it's my thinking time. My. What do I want in the future? What am I planning? And I. And it weirds people out to be like, I don't understand. You're a woman. You're. But you're not out to meet people, but you're at a restaurant bar. And, um, I'm like. Because I feel. I don't. Because when I'm home working, I feel like I'm a mom in my sweatpants working, but managing motherhood at the same time. Or the house or cleaning. But when I put my heels on, I'm a CEO, and I'm a CEO who's running a company, and I'm thinking about the next five years of where that company is going to go, and it's a different person. And I want to feel that feeling. And it requires me to have my back straight with my legs crossed, my nice heels on, and doing the work of a CEO and I'm like, people are like, I don't understand. Can't you just do that at home or in a coffee shop? I'm like, no, it requires a champagne glass.

Speaker B: So what you're talking about is, is the Pavlovian type response that we create for ourselves. And that's what the whole section about the transition sequences are. Because when you create these cues for yourself, it helps you embody that version of you. So I have a transition sequence before I want to be intimate with my partner. I have a transition sequence before I go into deep work mode. I have a transition sequence before I go to the gym. Because each of those versions of me embodies a different character. And so the one that became the most prominent during COVID was my, my commute bath. Or what my kids would call is my go become a mommy bath at the end of my work day. I am my work version of me. My CEO version of me. She is more assertive. She's more like serious. The mom version of me is silly and goofy and loves to tell a fart joke. And I am just dancing. And so I realized very quickly that because I could look at them in isolation and get to know them, I needed a, ah, separation. So I go after, I'll jump into my car, go get the kids from school. I'm still in CEO mode because sometimes I'm taking a call while I'm on the way to the to get them. We get home, I go, I'll be back in 20 minutes. I'm going to go take my mommy back. And I go take a bath. And I allow myself to soften. I will watch a funny video or do something. And when I come out, I'm setting a duration of time where I'm going to be a mommy for two hours, whatever. Maybe it's one hour, then I need to check back in with work. But for one hour I'm there. I'm silly. We're unpacking the backpacks. What do we got today? I'm there and I'm not this. Okay, guys, I gotta get on this email and I got. You're not stressed because you're not embodying that character. And so I love that you do that because it's the, the cues that you need. And I want to point out if someone was listening to you talk about the fact that you don't want to see your kids on your birthday, if that triggered somebody to say I could never, or I can't believe she doesn't want to be, I would ask Them to understand where that triggering and that stirring up of emotion is coming from. Because I had this question thrown to me last night at a book tour event. But I do think that a lot of what's holding women back from rightfully stepping into our place of leadership in this world is the subconscious judgment of other women and the subconscious judgment of ourselves, of, uh, what it would say about us if we didn't see our kids on Mother's Day and if we didn't see our kids on our birthday, what would that, uh, say about me? It doesn't say anything.

Speaker A: Uh, and they saw me the day before and the day after.

Speaker B: Uh, and I. So I just love that you. You shared that. Because I want more women to hear you're that and be like, huh, Maybe I don't really love seeing my kids on my birthday because it stresses me out and then I have to take care of them. Maybe I should do that. And if you're sparked by that and then you're like, no, I could never. Where's that coming from? Yeah.

Speaker A: Yeah. I think everybody should question everything, because then you can really decide if you're like, no. My. What makes me really happy is when me and the kids go do this thing. Yeah. Like, me and the kids go do escape rooms. I don't like going on long vacations with my kids right now because they're at the age where it's basically like, paying to manage them in a different location. It's not as fun for me. They're not quite at the age where they can enjoy the food, the culture, the. All of those things. But we love escape rooms. Right. And we love scavenger hunts, and we love puzzles, and we do the things that in our. And, uh, we do a lot more things in our home. We have game night, and we th. What Those things that I've recognized I'm perfectly okay with. People are like, you go on vacations by yourself or with friends. I'm like, yeah, I don't go on vacations with my kids.

Speaker B: Y.

Speaker A: When they're a little bit older, we will. Yeah, we're gonna go do really fun, cultural, cool things right now. We do the fun things that make sense. And I. And people are like, yeah, don't you want to go spend multiple a, uh, weekend up in Big Bear skiing with your kids? No, I do not. And they can. They do that with their dad, and I love that you do that. If I'm going to go to the bear, I would. I want to be at the bottom with a glass of Wine after going a nice, couple easy slopes. I want a hot tub thing that I'm like. And being an adult is totally okay sometimes. Yeah. So I love everything that you put together. What would you say is okay? I think everybody would get a sense of it. But if somebody's in a certain place in their life, that would make your book perfect. Right. Tell them, hey, if you're dealing with blank or you think blank. I think they get a good sense from what we've talked about.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: But that just letting them know, hey, go get toxic grit. Right. Cause I love it's how to have it all and actually love what you have. But I think the book is so much more than that.

Speaker B: It is. Yeah. Naming this book was very hard. It had over 60 names throughout the process because it's like, it's not just about a new approach to hustle because it's so much more. But we didn't want to name it just the mom, like a working mom book, because it's so much more than that and men are actually benefiting from it immensely. So if you are in a place in your life where you feel like you're doing. You're going through the motions, you're doing all of the things, and yet you still feel unhappy or disconnected from yourself, this is the book for you.

Speaker C: Yeah.

Speaker A: Okay. Yeah. I love it because I think. And also, like I had mentioned before, the internal family systems and things, which is awesome. But it can also be confusing for people if you're not like being led by a therapist. It's very high level getting to know these inner parts of yourself. And to me, I've had a lot of people go, yeah, I don't really know how to access 10 year old me. That doesn't. But the way you explain it. Yeah. Uh, you're like, oh, I did that yesterday. It's funny you mentioned the baths because I go and I take a bath, but so I put my ears under the water as a sensory deprivation. And everything is quiet and I close my eyes and it is a place where I can let go of this. I've been sensory overloaded by working.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: Or sometimes sensory overloaded by. My mom came over and then the kids are doing things and then everybody's. And I'm like, different things. And I'm like, I've got to go and just have nobody touching me, nobody asking for anything. Uh, so that I can reset. Because I didn't even know what part I wanted to be. I just knew it needed to have nobody touching.

Speaker B: Yeah. I have A color.

Speaker A: So this is not wanting to be touched is a big deal.

Speaker B: It's been cycles. You need a quick cycle to run to alleviate the intensity that just built up so that you can move into the next cycle a little lighter. And that's what that is. When you, we all know that moment where you're like, I am like filled up to here and being touched and needed. Yeah, I need. But yet we, some of us just push through it and then you have resentment and then you're snapping at everybody. Yeah. And it's like what you're talking about is, uh, a whole chapter in my book called Spin Cycles. It's when you feel that intensity building up. You have to step away and find what you need to alleviate that intensity.

Speaker A: Yeah. I love it. Everybody should go and grab the book. We'll have all the links in the show. Notes. Thank you for coming on and hanging out with us from all our Boss Moms listening. We hurt your face for what you're doing because I think this is important work and I love it.

Speaker B: Thank you.

Speaker A: I, ah, can't wait for your second

Speaker C: one that wraps up this episode of the Boss mom podcast. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did and I hope it was insightful. Notice that just a lot of the amazing women that have come onto the show, and this is not purposeful, by the way it just happened, are all really talking about healing, looking at our past self development, mindset, work, growth, work, forgiving ourselves, loving ourselves, letting go, recognizing, uh, we're complex creatures and there's nothing wrong with that. And I absolutely love that I was joking with a friend that back in the 90s and the 2000s, you know, if you met somebody and you'd say, he's great, but he's in therapy, as if that meant something was broken about him. I said, and now you meet a friend or, or if you're single, you meet a, A, uh, boy. Or a man.

Speaker B: I should say a man.

Speaker A: I'm in my 40s.

Speaker B: Right.

Speaker C: You meet a man and if he's has a therapist, that's like a green flag. If your friends have therapists, that's like a green flag. Because we are in this era of figuring ourselves out, forgiving ourselves, growing, healing from whatever our, uh, shifting beliefs, all of those things. Even if you've had a really great life, even if you have a really great childhood, like, there's still healing to be done about, of our, of what we believe the world is supposed to look like or our lives are supposed to look like, and So I absolutely love guests where we get to have those conversations. So with that said, make sure that you click all the links in the show notes, or you can go to bossmom.com and check out all of the awesome ways with which you can hang out with Amanda and leave us a review. If you haven't done so yet, leave us a review. Make sure you're subscribed so you get all of our podcast episodes. You can hop over Instagram as well and go to Dana mallstaff and check out all the content we're putting there. If what what Amanda said resonated with you, go follow her. Go follow us. Yeah, there's just so many ways to get involved and take things to the next level, even if that next level is just opening yourself up and listening.

Speaker A: So that's, uh, it for me. I, uh, heart your face as always,

Speaker C: and I will see you next time.