Manage Perfectionism, Imposter Syndrome & Distractionism so it Doesn't Impact Your Business

Speaker A: Foreign.

Speaker B: Welcome to Bossy, Brilliant and Badass, a weekly conversation about business, careers and personal development designed to inspire, educate, and motivate

Speaker A: you and sometimes ourselves, to show up

Speaker B: powerfully, live fearlessly, and to find and unleash your inner badass. I'm Lisa Lindsay.

Speaker A: I'm Liz Green.

Speaker B: Welcome to the show. Welcome back to another episode of Bossy, Brilliant and Badass. I'm Lisa Lindsey, here with my delightful co host, Liz Green. Hey, Liz.

Speaker A: Hi, Lisa. Hey.

Speaker B: So we're going to make this introduction really quick because we have such a fascinating conversation coming up with Ryan that I don't know if we can get into too much of what we've been doing.

Speaker A: Yeah, I agree. I say let's jump right in because, I mean, this conversation, I think is right up our alley and I think listeners are going to just love it. You guys are going to get so much from this. Yeah.

Speaker B: Awesome. Yeah. So we talk through three concepts of perfectionism, imposter syndrome, and distractionism that all of us as business owners are sure to feel. And Ryan gets into that and how we can kind of move past it a little bit. So, um, let's introduce her.

Speaker A: Yeah. So Ryan Lasson is a coach. She's been a coach since 2012 and she's coached nearly 1000 high achieving women specializing in the unique needs of high achieving black women to advance their professional dreams by overcoming and healing from the self limiting mindsets of imposter syndrome, perfectionism, M and distractionism, which I know I can identify with all three. So without further ado, let's bring her on.

Speaker B: Ryan, welcome to the show.

Speaker C: Thank you.

Speaker B: So great to have you. We are going to talk about, um, something that I don't know that we've ever really talked about in depth on the show, at least not in this way. I know that, um, through all of our conversations over the last two and a half years, we've certainly talked about these things because they come up. These three things that we're talking about are imposter syndrome, perfectionism, and distractionism. And somehow, um, I gotta tell you, I'm super selfish when I, uh, book guests. This one was all about me.

Speaker C: So.

Speaker B: So I think Ryan, you and I m are gonna have a good chat today. I don't know about Liz. Liz may not even be here.

Speaker A: Wait a second though, because after I read Ryan's bio, I was like, oh, this is right up my alley. Like, I can't even wait to get into this.

Speaker B: All right, so I think we've popped it out, Ryan. A really good approach would be maybe to just define each one of these three words that we've used here. Imposter syndrome, uh, perfectionism and distractionism. And then talk a little bit so we have, everybody has a baseline of what we are talking about and then talk a little bit about how they show up, what that looks like and then we'll talk about how it relates to business as a whole and how we can kind of move past them.

Speaker C: Yeah, that sounds great. Thank you. Thank you both for having me on your show and to your listeners. I'm delighted. So in terms of these three distinctions, these three mindsets, um, and I am, I have to just put a plug in. I'm so excited that you're excited because I am very excited about this. I am m like a geek about mindset and these three Personas, so specifically I find um, really are killers of dreams. Like I want to put it in perspective of how just quite serious these three mindsets and how crippling they, they can be. And um, there is a road to recovery. So all is well. But here, here they are. So let's start with, and I call them a trifecta effect. Let's start with imposter syndrome. So if you were to look in Psychology Today, you would find both imposter syndrome and perfectionism in, in Psychology Today they are both, you know, well known mindsets. Um, they have their own distinctions, meaning like their own symptoms and classifications. Imposter syndrome. At the core of it, it's this idea that regardless of your resume or your experience or your expertise or how much you've accumulated or, or, or all the things, all the technically like logical, uh, things that one would be able to look based on these things. I feel confident there is. However, regardless of those things, there is a pervasive feeling that says I don't belong where I am. The title that I have, um, somehow I accidentally got. Someone's going to find out that I'm an imposter. I don't really belong here. I don't really belong. You know, um, I know that I did the work in medical school and I know that I aced my exams but. And I know that I like am an amazing practitioner. However, when it comes to, you know, um, owning my value and I want to start my own practice.

Speaker A: Oof.

Speaker C: You know, I get really, I'm not sure if I'm enough or when. I've got to play with the big boys and I've got to, you know, I'm moving up in administration. It's like those, those kind of moments can catch us in a sense of, I am an imposter. Someone's going to find out that I'm not really meant to be here. Okay? And then perfectionism is like a cousin to this, which is a mindset at the very core that says, um, again, regardless of all the things, I am not ready. I'm not ready to be seen, to be heard. My ideas aren't ready to be shared because they're not quite perfect, ready enough to be, you know, judged or exposed. Um, there's this constant sense of feeling like with both of them, really, that you want to hide. The vulnerability is a big, you know, um, a big driver here, really not wanting to be vulnerable, not wanting to be seen, not wanting to be seen for your flaws. Um, distractionism. M is what I have coined based on my own experience. And see, I am what I say is my own best client. I am. Um, these three mindsets are something that I am very, um, familiar with personally. Both in my. I would say, like, um, okay, so we're talking about business. So I'm going to now plant a seed of three other mindsets in business that I've come to understand, which are the technician, the manager, and the visionary. The entrepreneur.

Speaker A: Right.

Speaker C: So tying these together, um, in my own business, you know, these three mindsets crippled me in. In all three of those business aspects. As the coach, as the technician, as the manager, and as the visionary. Right. So all three have been hurdles of mine. So distractionism is this sense where it's like, for me, a, uh, metaphor might be. I have all of these things I'm trying to accomplish. I've got big goals, and all these big goals require hows action. How are you going to get them done? And for me, it can feel like those hows. Those processes are like trying to gather marbles that are scattered all over the floor. And all I can do is look at this section and collect that bucket. But I know that there's like this bucket and that bucket and that bucket that are. They're kind of managed. They're like, juggled. But, boy, you know, I just can't quite get things finished, accomplished, done, um, to the best that I know I could. So there's like. And then it gets. It gets distracted. It feels distracting. It feels like a lack of clarity. It feels. And people say it feel. I feel stuck, you know, and stuck. I really push back on. And, uh, when I say push back, I. I mean really support people in reframing. Stuck. Stuck is a physical sensation, an emotional sensation that. That really is an alarm for. I'm afraid there's, like, massive fear here, and there's a fear response that the stuck is either fight, flight, freeze, or fawning. It's like I'm stuck in that. I can't, you know, get out of the. That hamster wheel feeling. So let me put a close to that answer with. Those are the three distinctions. They're super real. They are real things, and they do impact a person, and they certainly will impact a person's business.

Speaker A: Yeah, absolutely. Um, yeah, a lot of this is familiar to me in terms of imposter M syndrome, perfectionism, and distraction. Uh, and it's interesting because you use the word manager and technician. I really. I really like, uh. I really like that. I. I practice internal family systems, and I'm not sure if you're familiar with that. I know that's.

Speaker C: It's a. It's a Google search I have done. It's like, came up and I was like, ooh. And I think I even clicked on, like, um, like a framework. I was like, oh, this is so interesting. It might even be bookmarked someplace. But I've got to write that down. Just say it one more time.

Speaker A: Yep. Yeah, yeah. So the manager. Yeah, I'm super familiar with all of that. And I like how you kind of framed that and reframed the stuck and then also the distractor. Because I know for myself when these things are in operation, I want to just distract. And that is something that I do. Um, and something I'm familiar with as well.

Speaker C: Yeah. Because it doesn't feel good. You know, it doesn't feel good. And these things are so subtle. And how do they show up? They show up like, um, oh, gosh. Okay, so, um, I have stories for days. Let me pull out a story. So a story for me, how it's shown up. If this is. May I share a story of how it showed up? Does it feel, like, appropriate? Okay, so. And here's like, all three trifecta. All three. So a couple years ago, um, one of the things that can be a challenge for me is, like, consistency showing up with social media communications. It's like that, you know, like, probably for most of us, that can be difficult. Showing up as a coach is, like, my jam. Right. Okay, so here it is. It was 2017. I was launching a program, and I had to, of course, do all of the sales and the videos and the marketing. I had written a script. I have a coach. I worked very closely with her. We, you know, I had done all this Work, all this work, mindset work, practice, you know, physical work, systems work, all the work. And the task to do this Friday was to record these videos. And so I came into my office and I, you know, in doing some research, like getting my sort of, kind of getting my mind right looked at Instagram. And there are of course these coaches who have these perfect backgrounds and a beautiful gray couch and like this beautiful bouquet of roses. And I look around my office and I'm like, you know, let me just, seriously, I promise you, let me just go real quick to see if I can find a couch that might suit my office better. I leave my house. I go. Now, listen, I don't even go to like a furniture store that delivers. I went to Home Goods and I think I'm hm, like eight months pregnant. So my husband's out of town. How am I even gonna get a couch if I find one? Into the, you know, none of this is clicking, but it's a distraction. It's like, okay, that's problem solve. I get home Friday, Saturday, Sunday, I am doing other things. Monday comes, I go into my office to record and I look at my files and they're all over the floor. And oh my goodness, if I'm ever going to have a clear mind enough to record, I've got to get these files organized. So in the whole day organizing, Tuesday, I have a meeting with my coach. How was the recording? How did you do? Well, you know, I'm so excited. The scripts are great. And Friday I tried to find this coach, couldn't find it. Monday, Monday I had to clear. So Tuesday, today, I think this afternoon, she said, wait a second, you know, don't. You've been recording? Like, this is not new. You know you have a couch, right? Yeah. Um, the files aren't in the video, are they? No. What do you hear here? You know, what, what do you notice? And it was like, oh, my God, here it is again. This sneaky sense of I have this thing that is triggering vulnerability within me. I am afraid. You know, it's fear. False evidence. Go get this couch. False. Heaven says you need these files cleaned. And you know, and I am human. I'm a human being. And so I have blind spots. Um, now, am I, am I an expert in helping people to see what I see my coach saw in me? Yes, but that's the whole point. It's like we get blinded by our patterns. And I didn't feel ready enough. I didn't feel perfect enough. I felt like if, if, if I'm not Perfect. These people are gonna take me seriously, you know, if I don't show up in this way. This isn't right. And what that does is it, it invokes, it invokes fear. I can feel that fear now. You know, I, I'm an empath, so I can really like feel, you know, I could even just tap into like, that's a fear that will literally cause a person to feel stuck, stop in their tracks and then what can I say unconsciously do to release this fear, this, this pent up feeling. And oh, I can go to the store, I can clean these files, I can file my nails, I can eat something out of the fridge, I can send this text, I can look at social media, you know, I mean, it's just. And then, and then the cycle goes and goes and goes. Yeah, I did record though what I like about.

Speaker B: Yeah, that's good. I think what's interesting is this idea of how we distract ourselves because we are stuck, right? Because going to get couch, you're actually doing something that is related, right? Or at least that's what you're telling yourself. I'm doing this other thing because it'll help me do this thing that I need to do and therefore. But really it's irrelevant. It's unnecessary. It's not something that we need to do at all. And I really sort of resonated with that because that's how I feel. Feel, um, like it comes off for me. It's. Sometimes it comes off that way. Sometimes, sometimes it comes off as I'm here, I'm doing stuff, but nothing I am doing is getting me closer to my goal, right? Nothing, nothing I am doing is getting me closer. I am here and I am on the computer. I haven't moved all day. I been here for three hours, right?

Speaker A: And then I have always kind of convinces us, well, we're doing something, we're doing something and then meanwhile, it has nothing to do with the goal that we're being distracted. We're distracting ourselves from.

Speaker C: Yeah, I hear a couple of things if I can. I hear one as it relates to entrepreneurship, at least from my, um, my experience. One of the things I find a challenge about entrepreneurship is that we also have to determine what it is to be done, right? Like who and how. How was being that I am a person of one and I'm a mind of one, right? And to your point that it was technically like under the umbrella, under the guise of like recording a video, it kind of fell into that, you know, sort of domain because it Was, like, trying to advance this vision of me as an entrepreneur. Vision of me on social media. Vision of me. When does. When does that start and stop? Does that start and stop? Like, what's, uh, the point is, what's the priority? That's how you laser in, right? Like, is the couch the priority on that Friday when I'm launching something on that Wednesday? Or is the recording the priority and that's a way to help jolt, like, wait a second, you know, like, what's happening here? Um, but again, that sort of, that vague point around all of this is my business. I have to be the one that determines, is the couch the priority today or not? And if I'm feeling insecure about whatever the task is, I've got to really sit with, where am I mentally today? Because wherever I am mentally today is going to be the person that's grabbing that decision. And if I'm mentally feeling like I am afraid of my goals, then it's going to be way easier for me to grab for the distraction than it is for the task that's on hand. Right. So it's like, we got. Because we are the ones ultimately, again, that decide, like, we're the decision makers of our business. We've got to really be mindful of where are we, uh, with our mindset as we're making those decisions. Because the couch on, like, a day where the video had been recorded. After recording the video, cashing that check would have been an awesome time to get the couch.

Speaker B: Sure.

Speaker A: Right.

Speaker C: So.

Speaker A: So let's. So starting with imposter syndrome, how. Okay, so say I've determined, you know, what I'm feeling like an imposter in this situation. I feel like, uh, I'm not prepared. I'm not having whatever. Enough. It's always not enough for something. How then do I begin to even kind of tackle that for myself?

Speaker C: Yeah. Yeah. Okay, so I'm going to give you some really, like, practical tools, and I actually, like, put my feet down because, um, I'm actually grounded. And that's kind of the point is to ground yourself. So what's. I'm going to talk about what's happening, um, on a physical level, and I'm going to talk about what's happening on an energy level. On a physical level. What's happening is when we are in a story of I'm not enough, we literally are in the. In the. The amygdala, the reptilian part of our brain is kicked on, and it says we are in a state of vulnerability. You are in A state of essentially you're like to the nervous system and I promise you this, this is so serious because to the nervous system the threat is as serious as life threatening. Like that response is like, you know, uh, I'm afraid. And now we're socialized to like recognize that it's not lions and bears and tigers. So also trying to like consciously navigate through this, you know, um, um, we're trying to consciously navigate like let's say in this scenario that you just spoke about, you're getting ready to speak about something, you know, and you're like, I'm just speaking, you're trying to like consciously talk to yourself. But as you're consciously trying to talk to yourself, you're losing your breath, your palms are sweaty, you are heart palpitation, you're feeling very uncomfortable, very nervous. You're also making decisions. Now you might be fumbling your computer, might be making a mistake, your boss might be coming in. All these things are literally happening now. And you're becoming increasingly hijacked by the fear. The very first thing to do is to become self aware that that is what is happening. Literally become. And um, a lot of that has to happen through the breath. Like take a breath, take a breath, take a breath and recognize this is my nervous, this, my nervous system is overstimulated. This isn't me in terms of like, this isn't me and my. Now, uh, uh, what I'm saying, I coach people to do this, but you literally are beginning to have practice of let me be gentle with my nervous system. Let me make sure that I'm breathing. Are the thoughts true? Are the thoughts that I'm thinking true? Is it true that people are looking at me and thinking that whatever it is that my mind is telling me. Because see, your sweet minds are telling you the sweet nothings that you need to hear that are different than the sweet nothings that I need to hear. My I'm not enough is specifically tailored for me. It's my shadow saying all the things that I need to hear about my 7 year old self who was traumatized that time when I was embarrassed and you know, so on and so forth. And all of that is flooding through in real time. And so it is about, you know, taking mastery of yourself, taking that breath, talking to yourself very gently. Just because I can't find my keys does not mean I'm a bad person. It does not mean that I promise you over and over and over again that patterning is going to help you have micro moments of more peace when you are at peace. You have greater access to greater higher functioning, executive functioning. You can do the things like your boss coming in and feeling like an imposter and recognizing it, and also kind of doing your maneuvers, you know, like internally to say, self, all is well. Like, you're, you know, this is a person that you know, and you're gonna be fine. And all your heart palpitations don't mean that you're dying and you're gonna make it through and keep breathing. Like, this type of level of conversation is very different than when we abandon ourselves and the boss comes in and you stumble and you say, see, there you go again. You just always, always are doing that. You never prepared. You're never prepared. If you had prepared earlier, if you had that's inner conversation, which is a very different inner experience, which is a very different reality. Um, so it starts with noticing and learning how to soothe yourself when the mind is hijacked and the mind is your nervous system.

Speaker A: M hm.

Speaker B: Right.

Speaker A: Right. So learning how to soothe yourself and starting with the breath.

Speaker C: The breath is so important. Breath awareness, um, awareness, meaning mindfulness awareness, meaning in this moment, um, I recognize I'm melting down. Prior to recognizing, just was right. Like, I just had this response and I knew I was melting down, but I didn't. What we learned in coaching, one of the things that I really help people to do and one of the things that I learned to do when I was going through coaching that was quite mind altering, was learning to observe yourself in real time. And so the way that we are taught to do this, the way that I teach to do this, is to think of yourself. It's kind of like a telescoping, um, of self. Imagine as a metaphor, seeing yourself on the dance floor. You're on the dance floor dancing, and you're also on the balcony watching yourself dance. And this distance, this, this ability to observe yourself, it's still very subjective because it's you and you. And yet it gives you a bit of an objective lens. We're able to telescope back a little bit and you're able to say, like, okay, even in real time. All right, I can feel right now that, um, you know, my heart's palpitating and I'm feeling a little nervous. And none of this is true at this moment. Thank goodness for me. But you can sense into. I am, um, feeling this way. And it's because of the stimuli that I'm experiencing. And I know my pattern is to show up by shrinking or by silencing myself or by um, you know, wanting to hide or feel. And so now that I know that about myself, when I'm in these experiences, I can show up a bit more gently. I can show up a bit more prepared. And when I have my tendency, I can hold myself versus abandon in those really critical moments called life. That's life. Like, every moment is subject to stimuli, and our nervous system all day long is translating stimuli. And so it's really trying to get more proficient in, um, deciding how you're going to create the narrative based on what you're translating. And you get to decide whether it's true or not.

Speaker A: Yeah, yeah.

Speaker B: I'd like to offer. I'd like to offer something. So one of organizational psychologists that I follow, his name is Adam Grant, recently wrote a book called Rethink and Inside. He talked about, um, imposter syndrome, just specifically and really recognizing it as a signal that you still have more to learn. Right. So part of the reason that you feel so afraid or you're having that stimuli is because you recognize as a person that you don't know everything. You may not know everything about this topic that you're about to. Let's say you're about to speak and that you yourself have more to learn. And thinking about it that way helps to calm it down, because imposter syndrome, then itself becomes the opposite of arrogance. At least that's the way I'm saying it. He said it much more eloquently than I did, but that's really the idea, uh, behind it. So I'm wondering what you think of that, because that landed for me as a way to think about imposter syndrome when I'm outside those moments of panic. Right. Well, you know, as a way to sort of like, now when everything's cool and I'm not in a moment of panic and I'm thinking about it when imposter syndrome comes up, okay, I've got more to learn. So what is it? Can I. That. That I can go learn right now that will help me in the future?

Speaker C: I think that that's brilliant. I think it's brilliant. Um, picking up on that. So one of the things that I talk a lot about, and I've said it a couple times in our conversation today, is that we cannot help but have stimuli, and our nervous system translates that stimulus, and we then are the receivers of that translation. Now, connecting that with Adam Grant's idea and rethink around imposter syndrome being a signal that there's more to learn. Right. Okay. So I'm going To connect the two by adding another distinction. I love. I love smart women because I love having these kinds of conversations with you guys. This is so fun. So thinking about the idea of fixed mindset versus growth mindset, right? So fixed mindset, imposter syndrome, imperfectionism, and destructionism would all be under fixed mindset. Because the way that the nervous system, um, is translating information, for instance, things like this, like a person who. A person. And these are patterns, these are conditions. These are also also when we get into more of how the brain functions, if someone has a very sensitive nervous system, which I do find many of my clients do, there can also be a, uh, heightened, energetic, um, response around rejection, A, um, heightened sense of response around just vulnerability in general, right? Like higher anxiousness. So we're also talking about, like, how the brain works, but also super, super, super socialized patterning. You are supposed to show up perfect. You're supposed to show up in this way. In order for people to take you seriously, everything has to be spelled correctly. You know, all of these socialized things. Nonetheless, the idea again, around growth mindset, fixed mindset, perfectionism. So often, particularly with high achievers, we do know that there's so much to learn. We do want to learn. We are. We're growers, we're stretchers, we're achievers. And yet, if there is a translation of the NER system that says, when I get feedback that says there's more to learn out there, or it's growth, or this is outside of your comfort zone. My nervous system, which is mine personally, my nervous system personally, is a very sensitive nervous system. It is also pretty hyperactive. Now, it's also socialized to be, you know, filtered through perfectionism and imposter symptoms syndrome. So for me, I can take feedback, and if I'm not conscious, feedback that's like, um, constructive feedback. And given quite gently, my nervous system, if not checked, can translate that. Uh, because I'm looking at the person's eyes, I'm looking at. All of this subconsciously is literally being translated by me. And the message that I can receive is, you failed. This is wrong. And so I've got to, like, really check it. Okay, so the point is here that. What's the translation? He is creating a translation, a reframing of. Wait, that feeling that you're feeling, that sense of, you know, not knowing, that sense of vulnerability, that means growth, that means opportunity. That means, you know, there's something new to be discovered. If that's not able to be translated in that way, it's translated into fear. Um, and so I see that as a connection to really check in the imposter syndrome. Those feelings are an indicator of. There is more. So stop translating it. Stop believing the thoughts that say, you're not enough and replace that with ah, uh, that feeling, that feeling of heart palpitation. That means I am growing as a speaker right now. I'm growing. That means I'm growing as a person who can and multitask and be in my power with my boss coming in my computer flailing me losing control. And if I can come back to the breath, that means in this moment, I am growing in my ability to stand in my power regardless of what's happening. And that is damn powerful. Um, that's growth. That's being like I'm growing, not I'm failing same stimuli.

Speaker A: Right, Right. And I love that distinction and that reframe. Right. I'm growing. And in this mom growing. And I also like what you said about the telescope. And I know in internal family systems, what, you know, what we, how we look at that is unblending. So to kind of step out aside and kind of see it from that kind of different angle. And I mean, truth be told, like, you're right. When we do hear things, we hear it. All of us hear things in a different way. Right. Like for example, today I said to my husband, well, why didn't you, you know. No, I didn't say it like that because I, I know how he takes things. I said, well, I'm curious as to why. Um, you know, you weren't, for some reason, you didn't feel like you could bring that up at that point. He was like, oh, you know, so he received that as, as a criticism, even though that wasn't the case. Right. And I know I can do that too. And I think we all can do that. We've all had experience, experience in that. And so to kind of notice how we do receive things. And like you said, Lisa, uh, um, in that situation with that example, you know, some people might take that as well. Yeah, well. Huh. Uh, and that might feel like too much of a self criticism. Right. But. But I think. What do you think about. And you had said this a little bit earlier, noticing that it really is oftentimes that fear really is just that scared kid inside or one of the scared kids inside. And just, you uh, know to say like, hey, listen, I hear you. I know you're scared. And I got this. I know this. Everything we're about to talk about, I got it. So you Know, maybe you can just be somewhere else as I'm here for this recording or this teaching or the speaking engagement. Because I noticed that is really helpful too, to unblend. What, what do you think about that?

Speaker C: A hundred percent. And as, as you were talking about the dismantling or the, the unblending, which I, uh, I absolutely wholeheartedly agree with you, that there are wounded aspects of ourselves that are left behind. You know, I'm, I have a 4 year old daughter and I'm watching her develop wounds and you know, her shadow and her light and watching it happen. And it's amazing to see one, how so much of it is really through miscommunication. You know, it's like, whoa, that's your. And I don't even know what's happening internally for her, like what is really happening, you know. Nonetheless, we do have past wounds, you know, from just yesterday or this morning or whenever. And, and it is an inner, inner, you know, version of ourselves who is feeling vulnerable, who is crying out for the soothing, for the adulting, for the parenting, for the integration of. I've got, as you said and as you were, I was like floating down your river of, of, uh, unblending. You know, I could feel myself like soothing, you know, as you were. And that's literally the way that we can talk to ourselves, you know, in those, I say critical moments, but they're literally moments of like brushing your teeth as you find yourself anxious and wound up about X, Y and Z. And in that moment you can say, wait, self, like, you know, take that deep breath, you know, you were breathing, Liz, when you were talking to yourself that way, you know, you were breathing, you had greater access to like, you know, it's okay, I've got this. I can answer the questions. You know, that level of being able to talk to ourselves is the polar opposite of abandonment at any given moment. Because the mind is such that again, we don't have to be at the podium to have this experience. You literally can invoke that experience by brushing your teeth and thinking about being at the podium. So at any given time the mind can be hijacked, right? So it's like how to have a lifestyle in general where we have greater tools to be less hijacked. Because at any moment it can happen and it does. Um, and so you know how I love this unblending, how to unblend, how to dismantle, how to disentangle. Um, so much of it is clouded mistruths. But yes, I do, I do see, um, what you just said this idea of, like, our wounded selves and the unblending.

Speaker A: Right.

Speaker B: Perfect. Lovely. So I want to talk a little bit about perfectionism and get a little bit of that in there, because the, you know, imposter syndrome sort of, to me, is built a little bit on that. Right. It's, It's. It's this idea that we aren't perfect. We don't know 100%. And it's the same concept of there's still something more to do, but that belief of this is not showing up 100% perfect. And, um, how we get over it. You know, I could talk about this podcast, specifically about how I personally can sit here and tell you how the level of perfectionism has, over time, decreased significantly. Just in terms of editing, for example, it was always taking out every, uh, everything that sounded bad or stopping both myself and. Or Liz to say, oh, no, let's say that again, because that didn't sound right, you know, or something like that. And then now going, whatever, it's fine. Go ahead. It's cool. And for me, with that, perfectionism is doing it more and more and how you are able to release it by m. Doing it more. But are there other ways that you're able to sort of release it, release this idea of perfectionism, um, so that you can move forward? You know, you're not stuck, you're not in fear, um, in order to get things done? Because it really, truly is just a blocker. It really can keep you in place.

Speaker C: It really can. Um, so, yes, one thing I think that is important, is important I want to do is really underscore what you did say, Lisa, which is this idea that inherently when something is new, it invokes a sense of what I call a confidence gap. Like, there is an inherent confidence gap when something is new. However, we really don't oftentimes give ourselves grace with that. And I just want to give an extra shout out on the bullhorn, like, give yourself grace. As adults, a lot of stuff is new. If it's the first time you've taken your kid to a soccer game or dropped them off at kindergarten, or first time you've sent an email in this way, or first time you've done this business system. If it's new, it's scary. Like, that's okay. It's okay. And it's okay as adults for us to be afraid of new things like, you're not defective, you're not broken. We just. We don't have this sense of, like, yeah, it really does Take six months to get good at stuff. And it does take practice. It's like, come on.

Speaker B: How do you expect yourself to know something that you've never done before?

Speaker C: Exactly.

Speaker B: Sort of like that. The logic gap is, I know, crazy to me. And even me saying this right now, tomorrow I'm gonna do something, and I'm gonna be myself.

Speaker C: Absolutely, absolutely. Which is why I don't want to belabor it, but I really wanted to pause for it, you know, like. Because we can get caught up. Uh, it's a habit to. To think that way. You know, it's like. It's definitely a mindset. It's a habitual way of being. So 1. It is to really give yourself grace. Um, like, that's probably the first volume. Getting into some other practical tools. Um, I think for perfectionism and for imposter syndrome, for all of them, I think it's really important to begin to become familiar with. What does the mind tell you? What is it saying to you? So, like, for instance, um, particularly with perfectionism, because it's generally this word that's in neon lights called but. Right? Which is something like this. I would really love to do this, but I can't, because X, Y, and Z is not enough. I really love to do this, but I can't seem to figure out that process. I would love to do this, but I'm not ready for this thing. I'd love to do this, but it's not. It's.

Speaker A: It.

Speaker C: I'd love to do this, but. Okay. And so we need to really listen to two things. And I talk about clarity, clarifying two things. Both parts of this statement are super true because we will only soar as high as our fear will allow us. So we've got to heal. We've got to fix. Fix. Not, uh, sure about that word, but we're going to heal. We've got to.

Speaker A: We've got.

Speaker C: We've got to figure out. We've got to create systems and structures for the buts, right? The butt part, because that's huge. The but a lot of it is steeped in. I'm not enough. So we've got to get familiar with again. What are those sweet nothings that are in your ear? Your butts? Because that's what you and me. What I have to listen to in the. In my inner conversation when I am reaching out of my comfort zone. Because at that border between where I am, the thing I want, at that border, that. That comfort zone, it's very gray, it's very sticky. All those Buts live there. I should send that email. But don't you do it. You don't know if that's, what's the response going to be? Oh I should reach over there. But you don't know what that's going to be like. So that border is super sticky. You've got to get familiar with what those buts are. I think it's really important.

Speaker A: Right. I love that, I love that, that border and being familiar with that SAF voice that says but if you, but if you do that, you know, you don't know how that's going to come back to you. Or you could look like an idiot or you could like that safety voice and being really familiar with what that one's saying. Mhm.

Speaker C: Because that's her job. That is her it's job. You know, for me, you know that is, that's its job is I call her in my practice the personality protection. That's her job. She's there and oftentimes we give her mastery over our life. And let me tell you, when she's in charge it slows things down for me.

Speaker A: Of course she's a critic.

Speaker C: It doesn't feel super good.

Speaker A: Does it feel safe?

Speaker C: Yeah, it doesn't, it doesn't. And so I uh, again going back to those tools of self soothing, that's another one to do. You know, I can, it's noticing that and then it's combating that with I can do this, I can do hard things. Now what's a practical thing that you can do? You can literally take a post it note, write down three things that you've done really well. Social, social science has shown us that when we literally write down our accomplishments and we celebrate them, it increases our self confidence. It has like a dramatic effect. And so sit down like eradicate the thought. You know, I can't, I'm not enough. Write it down, I'm not enough, cross it out. I, I, yesterday I did this thing, I did that thing, I did that thing, I did that thing. So is it true self? Like seriously, you know, if you're going to take your own advice and not do this thing, then sit with it for a second and say like well is that really true? You know, and then sit with like well you know, what is the thing that I do want? I say I want this thing and uh, you know, do I, do I want what's on the other side of that? And also do I know how to get it? Sometimes I think uh, well not some, I think a lot of times in entrepreneurship, we don't know the systems. It's uh, let me say I'm going to give a quick distinction between entrepreneurship and small business. For me, small business, which is what I own, I own a small business. I don't know, I call myself an entrepreneur. I use that language sometimes. But I really own a small business and oftentimes as a small business owner, which means I'm a practitioner in practice. My m focus, um, I have learned is my business, my business development. But coming into this, I thought I was going to be coaching. I didn't think I was going to be business systeming and operating and all this stuff that I had no idea, none, no clue what any of this was, no understanding at all about anything from calendaring to billing to systems, none of it. And so all of it was new, all of it was fear inducing. And so, um, I say all this to say, like talking to yourself, learning, like learning how to learn that something is new and be okay with it. And also learning to distinguish between what's true, what's not true and then learn the things that are the gaps and be okay with learning and just start. We gotta just start being more gentle with ourselves at the end of the day, you know, gentle.

Speaker A: Yep. Mm. Mhm.

Speaker B: Ryan, thank you so much. It's been excellent to talk to you. Um, before we let you go, what is the big takeaway really quickly that we you would like our audience to have the one big thing they should take away from this conversation?

Speaker C: Yeah, I think the one big thing is if you feel stuck, it's fear and there is a path to recovery.

Speaker A: Oh, uh, yeah. Love that. Yep, that's great. Thank you so much. Ryan. This has been an amazing conversation. It really has. And thank you. Oh wait, where can people find you?

Speaker C: Yeah, absolutely. So if anyone feels really moved to connect with me, I offer a complimentary discovery call. You can find that on my website at www.inspirebrandconsulting.com.

Speaker A: great. Awesome. And thank you so much for being our badass of the week.

Speaker C: Thank you. It's been awesome being a badass.

Speaker A: Thanks ladies.

Speaker C: It's awesome.

Speaker A: That's it for us this week. Remember, you can find anything we referenced in the episode in our show notes on our website. Bossy, Brilliant, Badass. Uh dot com.

Speaker B: If you enjoyed the show, please subscribe, rate us and leave a review. It helps us get found.

Speaker A: And thank you for listening. There'll be more bossy, brilliant and badass next week. So until then, be a badass.

Speaker C: Sam.