Leading Today. Respect Can’t Be Demanded

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Speaker B: Welcome to Leading Today. I'm your host, Dr. Lisa Bagby, where every other week we explore leadership, emotional intelligence, organizational changes, the people side of leadership that often determines whether organizations merely survive or truly thrive. If this is your first time listening, welcome. And if you've been on this journey with me for a while, well, thank you. Thank you for continuing to invest in becoming a better leader. Before we begin, don't forget to check out my new leadership Puzzle challenge on social media. Media, particularly after today's episode. Every puzzle is designed to make you think differently about leadership and emotional intelligence. Today's puzzle is directly connected to this conversation and I think you'll enjoy trying to solve it before I reveal the answer later this week. Now, I'd like to start with a question. If I asked your team to describe, describe in one word how you are as a leader, or even just to describe you as a person, what would they say? Would they say you're approachable, demanding, confident, intimidating, supportive or respected? Here's why I ask. I've coached leaders for years, and I've discovered something fascinating. Very few leaders wake up every morning wanting people to fear them. Likewise, very few leaders intentionally decide they simply want everyone to like them. Yet many leaders, they actually drift toward one of those two extremes. Some become people pleasers, others become power protectors. And both are often miss. The one thing that actually creates extraordinary leadership, respect. Respect is not the middle ground between being liked and feared. Respect is something entirely different. It is earned. One of the biggest myths in leadership is believing that your title earns respect. It doesn't. Your title gives you authority. It may help open a couple of doors, but your behavior is what determines your influence. But there's another myth that deserves to disappear. Some leaders believe, quote, if they fear me, they'll perform, unquote. Others believe if they like me, they'll perform. But the research actually tells us that neither is consistently true. Fear may produce immediate compliance, but respect produces long term commitment. These are very different outcomes. Compliance says, oh, I'll do it because I have to. And commitment says, I'll do it because I believe in what we're trying to accomplish. I've talked about this in A couple of other podcasts. But I, uh, want you to think about the difference. One is externally motivated. It's that extrinsic motivation. But the other is internally motivated. And that's what we call the intrinsic motivation. But one disappears that the moment the leader walks away. And the other, well, it continues because people are invested. So let's talk a little bit about what the research says here. So Harvard professor Amy Edmondson's really groundbreaking research on psychological safety. She found that teams perform better when people feel safe enough to ask questions, admit mistakes, challenge ideas respectfully, and offer different perspectives. Perspectives. Those are learning behaviors. They're not fear. But they are the things that drive stronger team performance. Now, Gallup has found something equally compelling. Only about 3 in 10 employees strongly agreed that their opinions count at work. Think about this for a second. Gallup estimates that if organizations doubled that number, they could experience 27% lower turnover. That's immediate dollar savings to the bottom line. There would be 40% fewer safety incidents. Think about that from a liability perspective. And a 12% increase in productivity. Well, what would that do to your profit margins? Right? So when you think about those numbers, it's about when people feel respected. When people feel respected, they contribute. When people fear embarrassment, they stay silent. And silence might look like agreement, but often it's self protection. One of, uh, Google's most famous internal research projects, called Project Aristotle is. It reached a similar conclusion. Interestingly enough, the highest performing teams weren't the ones with the smartest individuals. They were the teams where members felt psychologically safe to speak up, challenge assumptions, and learn together. That should make you as a leader. Pause. Because many organizations, they don't fail from a lack of intelligence. They're really very good at hiring intelligent people. They fail because intelligent people stop talking. But why? Is it fear? Is it lack of confidence? Hmm. Think m about what you're doing as a leader. Is it you? And you don't realize it, or maybe you do. Well, we'll get to that shortly. But. But keep listening. So let's talk a little bit about confidence, because confidence is necessary. In fact, your team wants a confident leader, but people want to believe someone is capable of navigating uncertainty, and that's confidence. But it's confidence without humility that becomes arrogance. And arrogance sounds something like, well, I already know, or I've been doing this for years. Or maybe you say, my decision is final, but humility sounds very different. Humility says, what perspectives am I missing? Or help me understand. Or it might even say, well, I may not have all the answers. So do you notice something? What's different in those? Neither statement reflects weakness. Humility isn't thinking less of yourself. It's actually thinking less about yourself and more about someone or something else instead. So emotionally intelligent leaders understand that confidence earns credibility, but humility earns trust. And there is a careful balance. You want to demonstrate confidence and knowledge without overly explaining or downplaying yourself. But together, humility and confidence, well, they earn respect. So you might ask, how do I become the leader whom others respect? Well, here's three ways to become that leader. So get ready to Write these down. 1. Choose consistency over popularity. Leadership is not a popularity contest. Sometimes you will disappoint people. Sometimes you'll have to make difficult decisions. But respect doesn't grow because everyone agrees with you. Respect grows because people know you are fair. They know your standards don't change depending on who is standing in front of you. You're not a, uh, people pleaser. You're the leader who people can trust. They can rely on you because you are consistent. And consistency creates predictability. And predictability creates trust. And trust helps create respect. So ask yourself, are people experiencing the same version of me every day? Or do they have to wonder which version they're getting or going to get? Number two, practice curious confidence. One of the strongest and best questions a leader can ask is, what am I not seeing? And then be willing to hear the answer, even if it's uncomfortable. Notice that question does not weaken your authority, it strengthens your leadership. Emotionally intelligent leaders stay curious and humble. They don't confuse certainty with wisdom. In fact, the more senior you become, the more dangerous it becomes to assume you're always right. A good executive leader surrounds themselves with confident people whom they can trust, their counsel and guidance. And this is hugely important. Your team doesn't expect perfection. They expect openness. And curiosity invites innovation. Defensiveness shuts it down. So remain open even if it's uncomfortable. Number three, Protect dignity while maintaining accountability. Now, this may be the most overlooked leadership skill today. Honestly, respect doesn't mean lowering standards. It means raising standards while protecting people's dignity. And there's a huge difference between saying, help me understand what happened and what were you thinking? One builds accountability, the other builds shame. People will rarely grow or trust in environments where they constantly feel diminished. The best leaders create and develop accountable people, and they do so leading by example. That would mean you are leading by example. You are demonstrating accountability. Leaders aren't going around making others feel small so that they can feel big. And that understanding. And that practice, well, that's leadership. Emotional intelligence in action. So here's a final thought and something I hope you'll remember long after this episode ends. People may admire intelligence. They may admire confidence. They may even admire authority. But they give their very best effort to leaders who respect them and whom they respect not because they're forced to, but because they choose to. Fear can make someone comply today. But respect? Well, it inspires someone to stay committed tomorrow. And beyond. As leaders, we are all writing a leadership legacy every single day. Not with grand speeches and not with performance evaluations, but with ordinary actions and conversations. The meeting you lead tomorrow, the feedback you give next week, the mistake someone brings to you, the disagreement, uh, you choose to listen to instead of judge, defend, or criticize. Those moments, they define your leadership far more than your title ever will. Because respected leaders leave people better than they found them. They are inspired. They are motivated, uplifted. They're seen, heard, and valued. And that's leadership worth remembering. That's a leader worth respecting. So thank you for joining me today on another episode of Leading Today. I really hope today's conversation challenged your thinking, so please share this episode with another leader or a mentor or an emerging professional. Good leadership is contagious, and one meaningful podcast or conversation can be the difference. So do that for a colleague. I feel pretty confident that they'll respect you and thank you for it. It's free, so why not share? And before you go, don't forget to visit my media pages Instagram TikTok under Dr. Lisa for this week's Leadership puzzle challenge. See if you can solve it before I reveal the answer later this week. Anyway, I'm Dr. Lisa Bagby. I. I want you to lead with confidence, lead with humility, and lead with respect. But above all, start leading today.

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