Working Together | Leadership Conversation on Gender & Power

Romie Montpeirous: Welcome everyone to another episode of Leadership from the Heart. I'm your host, Romy. today we're gonna talk about something that I've avoided purposefully because, know, I I don't wanna get into a gender war. Excuse me. And I've always avoided the conversation about gender, but I think it we're at a point where we kind of need to talk about it. And it's not gonna be from the angle that most people talk about it. I'm not talking about men versus women, right? ⁓ But I'm gonna talk about what's possible when we stop each other, quote unquote fighting each other, and start understanding each other. Because ⁓ problem isn't men and the problem isn't women. The problem is unconscious baggage that we bring into the room, into the workplace. And I wanna be very clear about something. I'm not talking about inappropriate behavior. There is no space, no room for that in the workplace, nor do I condone. That kind of behavior. You know exactly what I'm talking about, the reasons why we have HR in the business. I'm not talking about any of that. I'm about the the the men and the women ⁓ who to work to do a good job and they want to go home and ⁓ live other of their life, the non-work life. but when they come to work, they want to do a great job. And so this is the conversation that I want to have. These are the men and women I'm speaking to. And the core idea of this entire message is that we all carry stories, right? most people don't see reality. They see the filter, they see through the lens of their experiences. And their experiences ⁓ become stories, most of the time become stories because every enters the workplace, you know, carrying what we. Built through childhood, right? Family conditioning, cultural conditioning, relationships, previous bosses, previous disappointments, things that suppressed and we've learned to suppress on purpose, right? so I want talk through consciousness means in working together, because all of this has shaped all of those baggages, all of those experiences have shaped the way we interpret people today. And I understand that our brain, right? I'm learning about neuroscience and our brain loves certainty. it forms a belief about a thing, it looking for evidence to support that belief. Psychologists call this bias, right? And it's proven. You know, some examples are, you know, men don't listen. And so they notice every example that confirms that. And if someone believes women are too emotional, they'll notice that and They'll find ways to confirm that. And meanwhile, the evidence is, you know, too and it often gets ignored. Because we don't see people as they are. We see people as we are. ⁓ we often see people through the stories that we've inherited. And so in I ask, you know, what stories are you carrying? And this not about. How women think of men and men think of women. Women, have thoughts of women too. Men have thoughts of men as well, right? So ⁓ is just a general conversation. Take it as you will, because just biases that we have about each other. And we have, you know, and I get it. Some of these things are true. Some of these things actually happened. If you listen to the series that I I have on TikTok this week, it's all about this. And and some of these things I can't deny, right? I I too have been. you know, a person who has experienced some less than desirable things in the workplace from, you know, the opposite sex. And so I understand. I I do. I really, really, really do. You know But I I try my best not to carry that with me. And I always have. And at first it was to deny or to pretend it never happened. And then I realized what a gift that was keep it apart from me because I would have carried that conflict with me in all my interactions with really good people, really good men. And and and that's not fair to them, right? men can't pay for what one man did, or you know, and I say that to to very cautiously because I understand the generalization of it. But, you know, us humans, right, we're we're at it. It. And this is where things get interesting because many workplace conflicts aren't caused by bad intent. They're caused by possible or misinterpretation, I should say. You know, because humans, we're wired to scan for threats, not opportunities, just threats. And the brain asks constantly: Am I safe? Am I respected? Am I included? Am I valued? And sometimes we interpret neutral behavior. As a threat. You know, one of the most common human mistakes is to assume we know why someone did something. We assign intent without having all the information, and especially without having the courage to ask. An example is if someone is direct, one person can interpret that as confidence and another person can interpret that as aggression. You know, if someone is quiet, one person interprets that as thoughtfulness, the other one interprets that as disengagement. Most conflict begins with the stories that we've created about someone else's behavior. Perception matters, right? Perception is always reality, but perception is your reality. But there's another person in a relationship that has a whole different perception. And I just want to encourage us to ask better questions because better questions because leadership maturity is requiring us to learn the difference between that, to approach people with compassion and respect. You know, a lot of women have you have spent most of their careers proving themselves, proving competency, capability, belonging, that they can run just as fast, that, and they can, right? It's it's it's We are strong. We are capable women. You know, we're, but we're constantly proving. And that energy, when you're constantly proving, and it's not when you're in competition. When you're in competition, the whole goal is to prove, right? But I'm talking about when when it's not a competition and we make it a competition sometimes. And I do this myself from time to time as well. And and the history of of all of this matters for sure. You know, and I know that. Always proving creates exhaustion, at least it does for me. And sometimes proving creates this competition where contribution would create the connection instead. You know, not every disagreement is dismissal, not every challenge is disrespect, and not every opposing view is opposition, and we don't have to get ready for a fight. You know, your value is not determined by how hard you have to prove. Not anymore, right? We're moving into a whole different era now. And if This conversation is challenging you to look at your own assumptions, it with someone you trust. Not because we need more agreement, but because we need more understanding. And how we get better leadership and better conversations around leadership, you know. And so for for the men's side of things, you know, I I want to approach with the same respect and accountability because men were taught. To not show weakness, to not talk about their feelings, to just solve the problem, to move on, to stay strong. And the challenge is that avoiding emotion doesn't eliminate the emotion. It just makes it harder to navigate. And they don't really know where to put it, if we're being honest, right? And this is not all men, this is not all women. and I want to preface that by saying this this is just an observation. You know, many men either avoid difficult conversations or become Overly aggressive during them. Neither of those things create trust. Leadership will require men to have courage. And sometimes courage looks like listening, being curious, slowing down, asking better questions, having direct conversations, but with care. Because directness with care, directness without care becomes harsh. Care without directness becomes avoidance. So a direct conversation with care. Preface, disclaimer, whatever it is you need to say is good. You know, the workplace doesn't need perfect men. The workplace doesn't need perfect women. It just needs conscious people working together. You know, find that most teams don't need more talent. They need more trust, respect, understanding, clarity, communication as always, and And I think accountability also gets a bad rap, but we'll Dive into that in another episode. You know, I constantly come back to this new term relational intelligence because it's the ability to understand your impact on other people. And I think we're missing this piece right now. It's your impact on other people while remaining connected to your own intentions. You know your intentions, right? It's understanding that leadership happens in relationship, not in isolation. The quality of our leadership is often limited by the quality of our relationships. You know, I we talk about we've talked about diversity quite a bit in the past, and think diverse thought. Right. Different perspectives create stronger decisions, if we're being honest. Different experiences create richer conversations and different approaches create an innovation. Look at all the things that have been invented that that that needed to happen through different approaches, a trial and error. Right. And the goal is not necessarily all for all of us to be in agreement all the time of everything. The goal is to think better. The goal is to have healthy teams challenge each other respectfully, constructively, and honestly. Innovation requires people feeling safe enough to contribute. Trust requires safety. Safety contribution and contribution creates better outcomes. And ⁓ I want to encourage that because the magic really happens when people stop protecting themselves long enough learn from each other. And the strongest teams are rarely made out of people who think alike. They're made from people who trust each trust each other enough to think differently. ⁓ know, I've worked with some really great men and some really great women. And when we're when we're gelling and it's and it's collaborative, the magic that comes out of that is And so I that's why I want to encourage this, because I'm just like, ⁓ I we're Not missing something, but I think that we can add something to this recipe. Because we're all working to create a life for ourselves. And so ⁓ what if we can create a better life at work for ourselves as well? Because the future of leadership, I say this all the time, but the future of leadership is not men versus It's conscious people learning how to work together. It's people becoming aware of the stories that they carry, assumptions that they make, the fears they project, the beliefs they've inherited. Because when we stop fighting the stories we carry, we can finally get back to the work we're actually here to do, to build, to create, to solve, to grow together. And that concludes this week's episode of Leadership from the Heart. Thank you all for listening. Please share, like, and subscribe. I will catch you next time on another episode of Leadership from the Heart. Peace.