Unbreaking the Chains: A Journey with the Sherpa and the Shrink

Speaker A: Welcome to the Elevate up podcast with your host, your coach and the Sherpa, Steve C.

Speaker B: Welcome back to the Elevate up podcast. I am your host, Steve C. I am a leadership coach and trusted advisor, and I'm also known as the Sherpa. Although I think I'm still trying to convince myself, my. My guest today, Jim Urban, that I am not sure, but I think he knows me maybe as, uh. So I'm excited to bring one of my best friends. Jim is. He's been on here earlier in the Elevate up season. Last year he was, I think, my third guest. Right, Jim. And so for those that aren't familiar with him, go back. Is it. I think it's episode three even, um, with you. And so for those that haven't listened to that, there's more on Jim and his backstory there about who he is. But he is actually one of my Diamond Dogs. For those that have watched Ted Lasso, if you're familiar with the Diamond Dogs, that's when they have this moment where they have to reveal a, uh, hard decision or they have questions or doubts or fears or struggles. That's Jim. Like, just doing life with Jim is my life in my life team. And I'm excited to bring him back today as we're going to have some fun. We got some exciting news for, for you today. And, uh, we're going to have some fun on this podcast. Different than the interview style. More of us kind of going into just real life. And in today's world, and really in the times that we're in now, we're going to have some fun and it'll kind of give you a sneak preview of what's to come also. But Jim, man, welcome back to the elevated podcast, brother. Dude, just for those that don't know you or maybe just catching up with you, tell us a little bit about you and what are you up. What are you up to this beginning

Speaker A: of this year again, for having me. Steve, it's great to be back with you and with your audience and all the folks that listen. Always an honor and privilege. So I'm a licensed therapist and, uh, I'm a, uh, leadership coach and I got my start 16 years ago in the world of therapy and continue to do that. But about a decade ago, uh, really sensed the calling to work with leaders. I'd had a career in leadership myself and management and finance, and always, um, had a passion for helping leaders be all the leader they could be. That certainly was my passion. Still is my passion. A Lot of growing that I tried to do over the years and still a lot of growing left in front of me, I hope, until the day we hit the grade. You know, we never stop learning, never stop evolving. Right. But, uh, really found a passion for that. And, uh, over the years I've developed some leadership coaching programs with groups and individuals and work that I've done with companies and leaders. Just kind of like you, Steve, you know, uh, trying to add value and trying to help where help is needed, uh, with uh, you know, culture. Right. With uh, high performing teams, uh, with conflict issues, all of that. So I enjoy it very, very much. I'm also a husband. Most importantly, I'm a husband and father. Uh, 20 years with my wife and we have two boys and we're, uh, in the thick of the years of running them around to all their events and sports and, and this and that. I was telling a client yesterday, actually we had, we had a session, she was telling us how, you know, she goes, yeah, it just feels like my life is not my own. And I said, I'm right there with you. You know, time belongs to my kids and their coaches and their, the, the. All the things.

Speaker B: Right.

Speaker A: And these are the years that you buckle down and, and you sacrifice for, for the ones you love and, and try to give them, uh, everything that you wanted to, to give them, that you dreamt of giving them when you became a parent. So that's where we are these days. Certainly a lot more I could talk about, I'm sure. And we'll probably get into that with where things are heading this year. Yeah. But excited about, uh. Yeah, what we're going to talk about today, some of the things on the horizon, uh, here.

Speaker B: Yeah. Thank you. And kind of just jumping right into that too is you and I have been doing some work through Accelerate Leadership Group, uh, gm, a company that you started in that we've continued to just do work together with organizations, with leaders, with companies and their teams. And uh, I've even went through, uh, what you started this Townsend leadership program, tlp, which really was neat because it opened me up to the world of relationships in the workplace today. And one of the cool things that is that we're going to bring to you. Might as well start with that. Kind of rip the band aid off. Right. It's this Elevate, a podcast that I've been running now for the. For since I think May. Right. And I started the first season and we started Leadership Rising. Well, just in our relationship of growing, you know, we're learning about each other and really seeing what is it that leaders need today. Right. Leadership Rising, maybe focused on, uh, the walk of a leader. What does that look like running a team or running a business? Uh, elevate up, maybe focused on interview, uh, style of someone's personal life or just the complexities of what it's like to, you know, raise a family or, you know, what, what takes place in all of their life. And so now combining that with Elevate up and Leadership Rising to what we're creating now. Jim, it's called the Sherpa. Uh, those have been following me know the Sherpa and the Shrink. And the Shrink. Is this new part cool. And I just came to us as we were meeting at a coffee shop. I think it was Black Rifle Coffee. And we were just shooting the breeze and going, you know, God's kind of. There's more, there's more juice, there's more meat on the bone than I think that we're. Sometimes we pull out of both, uh, the podcast individually, but I think together, combining the Sherp and the shrink, you get this world of coaching and counseling. What I see in there, and I want to give, get your take on this is I see an audience. We reaching really a broader view, more context or give more perspective to lessons that we have in life, leadership and relationships. Almost like a 3D view of our lives in more of a relaxed environment. Like you and I are having coffee or having a beer, but we're sharing stories about real life, real honesty, real honesty in the. Is how we are as men of God and men of faith. Uh, husbands, fathers, business owners in the community. We want to be able to help make our community better too. And so that's this anchor. And so I wanted to kind of hear from you too. Like the shrinks answer, right? Like, what is, what does that look like for you? That's just because some, some, um, vision that I have for this new podcast that you and I are, are soon to launch.

Speaker A: It was a funny moment when we came up with the name the Sherpa and the Shrink, right? Because we were still laugh, uh, thinking about how it just came together. We were sitting there at Black Rifle Coffee and, you know, there's all these, uh, you know, Black Hawk, uh, helicopter hats and shirts around us. And we got people, you know, coming in and giving their branch yell, you know, at times. And it's just a fun environment. If you've never been there, I encourage, encourage you to try it. You know, we're not being paid to say this by the way. But, um. And, uh, so we're sitting there, we're going, you know, this vision, this passion, we're both sensing it, we're responding to it, trying to follow God's leading. And I said, so you're the Sherpa? And then I looked at you and I said, and I'm like the shrink. And then our eyes grew big, both of us, and we went, the Sherpa and the shrimp.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: It was one of those moments where genius, hopefully, maybe it's terrible, maybe it's terrific, just dropped right into our lap. And it really encapsulates where some unique perspectives and strengths come from for you and I. And I've always valued that in you. Steve, is, um, the personal growth, growth, mindset, passion that you have, among many others, and the lens that I come from. And the two have so much to offer each other, and without each other, they're sort of great on their own. But. But could it be even better bringing personal growth and psychology, letting those two things collide, and just letting us chat through real life topics, you know, real life topics. Like, uh. Right. Like. Like you were saying.

Speaker B: Yeah, that's it too. And like you're saying, and what I love about is you don't see too many places where they kind of combine the coaching, counseling world. Of course, you being an executive coach. Jim. Jim actually wears multiple hats. He's one of the few people that I know on this planet that can actually wear both. Well, I tried and I just completely fell to my face. Jim is. I just feel like God's gifted you with the ability to, to, to pivot and really look at someone's help, someone differently in their life. And I really acknowledge you for that, which is really cool about this podcast. Because not only are we getting in the well and unpacking life and learning from things that have taken place, but also we're climbing the mountain. But, uh, we're doing the reps ourself. You show up to CrossFit. Right. And I'm out there, uh, at, you know, 5:30 or this, this morning, walking with a friend in the cold weather with a mask and gloves on. And we're doing our reps up the mountain too. And that's the cool part about we're both getting in the well and climbing the mountain. Come in. There's no, really no stone unturned in our talks together. And I really see that, like you, Jim, uh, did this beautiful talk, and I hope it comes out some at some point on video or at least maybe you can Recreate it. The hero at home and work. That's really at the heart of it is, is how, ah, how I am in one area is how I am in all areas. And I think that's what hopefully that you and I bring out in the Sherpa and the shrink is that is, is nothing's off the table and everything is necessary for growth. The bad, the awful and the great and the wonderful.

Speaker A: Absolutely. You know, Steve, when you and I met the other day, we were talking about some of the stuff you asked me. You said, hey, so what's kind of been pressing on you and what, what are you, uh, facing and, and wrestling with these days? And, and I told you, I said, you know, Steve, I said there's, there's definitely some steps ahead of me with content and thought leadership that um, I'm, um, gearing up to, to launch and I'm excited about it. But there's that little, little part still that, that I've been working through recently where I feel like, okay, so if you have sort of a mult, multiple levels of expertise, you have the amateur and then you have the professional and then at some point you have like the expert or the sage. And maybe those are even two different things. Um, getting to that place of, you know, I've been in this, this work 16 years. I'm comfortable saying I'm a seasoned professional. Am I ready to step into the expert space or the thought leadership space and like, like my clients, like you, those little doubts and fears and am I ready for this? And is anybody really going to value this or take it seriously? And uh, those things came up and have come up and I've been wrestling with that, with the life team that I have and processing that and not running from it, acknowledging it and trying to do the work of really digging deep. And also people giving me feedback on what they see, where I can improve and where maybe I excel, Um, I need that. And I think like our audience and like your audience and my audience, my clientele, that, that kind of vulnerability, that kind of raw conversation is going to meet so many people where they're at, whether it's asking the girl out or proposing to the girl, right? Or getting that first job or rising into leadership or we're taking that bold step of entrepreneurship or, or, or launching a, uh, new thing, a church, right. We have know that are in the, the early days of planting a church and the, the ups and downs of that, right? And they too face moments where they go, do I have what it takes it? When's the world going to realize I don't always really fully know what I'm doing? Okay. Or is that a big secret I have to hide? Right.

Speaker B: Well, you think about this imposter syndrome. We all have it at something, something that's new, that we've never tried and tested yet we're going to have it. You, uh, know the difference is whether we lean into it or we don't. Right. And I love how you said we just bring it into the light and say, oh, my gosh, I feel unworthy, I feel not ready. I feel like anybody in all humanity would feel stepping into something new. The cool part is you bring it to light and you share it with others and go, gosh, I don't feel worthy of this yet. Or have I earned it? Or am I there? It's like, I am. And the best part about it is the more that I feel like I'm not the right person, that means I am the right person. Right? Think about that idea of like, I know what I'm doing. Oh, I know this already. It's like, that's the worst thing that could happen. Right.

Speaker A: Is.

Speaker B: Is now I can't. Now I'm unteachable almost. And I love how, as you're sharing that is. Is how do we work through the imposter? How do we work through the doubt, the fear, the frustration, which, if you're any business owner listen to this would be like. Yeah, it's pretty much like on the regular, if you're raising kids or married.

Speaker A: Yep.

Speaker B: You know exactly what we're talking about.

Speaker A: Right.

Speaker B: Dealing, uh, with people. It's always going to come up. And so hopefully you get to see that through our conversation about real life situations as leaders, as people. Now, the term. What's interesting about the term shrink, I'm always curious what people think this day and age. 20, 25. Here we are. What do you think, Jim? What? You know, what's. Is it, you know, is it a good or bad response? What do people think of that term today versus maybe what they used to back when you started your profession 16 years ago?

Speaker A: Uh, great question. You know, it's funny, like, uh, you see people that sort of like, embrace the moniker of being like the bad boy or, you know, in the WNBA this past year, we got to see sort of this. And maybe to some extent it was media manufactured, like this rivalry between Caitlin Clark and Angel Reese. Right. And. And she sort of said in one interview, I guess if y' all need a villain, then I'll just be your Villain, you know, she kind of, like, embraced it. Well, I think the origin of the term shrink and kind of where that came from, there's a similar history where, you know, it really started as a slur or started as a joke or started as a. A way to kind of tease somebody that, you know, really, like, you need someone to help shrink your head or shrink your ego. Right. Or, ah, um, you know, it was looked down upon or it was seen as quackery or, you know, like the early days of chiropractic medicine.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: Uh, people were very skeptical and thought that it was kind of a scam and, you know, all of that. And so as the years have rolled on, I think just learning not to take myself so seriously and learning not to be so, you know, egotistical or, you know, too much pride or vanity. You know, after a while when people said, yeah, shrink or doc, or whatever, what do you think about? Or they'd asked me that. After a while, I just kind of started just saying, yep, I'm a shrink. That's what I am. That's what I do. And joke. You know, even people will come in, they'll come into my office and they'll. They'll. They'll look at me sometimes. They're nervous and they're new, and they'll say, am I supposed to lie down? And yeah, I'll kind of laugh a little and I'll go, if you want to, you're more than welcome to. They'll be the most expensive nap you. You probably take this year.

Speaker B: Hey, that's what I'm going to do when I come back to your couch. Then I'm going to say, jim, can I lay down for my session today with you?

Speaker A: Right. You know, I guess I'm supposed to pull out the pipe and start smoking and analyzing you, but. But no, no. Kind of where the origin of it came from was embracing something that society or people used to kind of look down upon and, and some might still, and that's okay with me, but at the end of the day, I love it. I think it's funny, and I want to embrace it, and I want to, uh, wear it like a. Like a badge of honor that I believe it is.

Speaker B: Uh, I love that, too. Like you said, it is a badge of honor. Right, Jim? Great. Thank you for sharing that. Because when I think of shrink, I think of two things that used to be. Even when I was going through, uh, my marriage, family therapy program was either, I have a weakness. I must be weak. Oh, something's wrong with Me. Right. Kind of like the imposter we all have. We just don't want to always admit it. Right. It's like, oh, something's wrong with me. I have a default. I must need to fix something. And the second thought that came up for me too was this idea that somebody else is the expert of my life. Right. Where it's like, somebody will fix me or fix it. And I love that idea where it's like, you know, this, how it's really shifted to, you know, this idea of the shrink is actually a strength. It's actually empowering to say, hey, I've surrendered to what I thought was really almost like myself getting in the way. Right. And I get to see opportunities to see blind spots, to see, to see, to see awareness, to see new thoughts or ideas that emerge that changed my life.

Speaker A: Mhm.

Speaker B: And I think that's the cool place that you and I get to play on this podcast. Form is helping people see that coaching and counseling are not only healthy and safe, they actually make us better in every way and actually even better when we're showing up fully as ourselves at the table instead of, you know, the stoic, the nice, what we want people to see in us. Right. They see the polished side of Jim and Steve, but man, if they only saw the rest of me, who would I be then? Would they still love me and accept me? Am I still good enough?

Speaker A: Oh, yeah, you're hitting the nail on the head right there. Um, and rather than, uh, hiding the bad or hiding the struggle, I should say, man, we want to be the kind of people that acknowledge it. And I think just us letting each other, coach each other live on podcast, maybe a little bit of counsel each

Speaker B: other

Speaker A: and I think most importantly, just discuss and, and, and delve into what we're doing and who we're serving and what they're facing and what's going on in the world around us and our thoughts on, uh, you know, current events and, and really kind of anything goes. Just bringing who we are as people to that. I think, I think there's going to be, I, uh, really hope and there's going to be, um, a growing group of people out there that go, wow, this enriches my, my, my thinking. This enhances my growth. This pushes me to want to be better. This, this makes it safe for me to, to be okay. Not always being okay, but it's not okay to stay that way. Like, I want to be the kind of person that does something about it. I, I say coach me up, Coach. Right. Coach Me hard and let bring out the best in me, and I'm ready for it. Right? And that. That's what we do. That's what we do.

Speaker B: I love that too. And, and that. Then that brings me to my next point, Jim, which you and I can jump into it. Time of the year.

Speaker A: Here we are, right?

Speaker B: Beginning of the year in January, kind of jumping into making it real and practical to today's life. Well, here we have something called New Year's resolutions. Right? New Year's resolutions. Probably hear it all around you. Maybe some of your clients, your community, you know, and, um, I'd be curious as we play with just this first concept, because people want to get better, they want to grow, they want to step into something. But does new do New Year's resolutions from your. Just what you see and maybe in what you do in your own life, do they work or do they not?

Speaker A: All right, question, Steve. There's a lot of opinion out there. The research is pretty, uh, uh, uh, uh, doesn't shine a positive light on the success rate on New Year's resolutions. It's something like by January 21st, you know, you have a 90% quit rate. And, you know, if you want to get a great parking spot at the gym, just go back to the gym January 20th or after or something like that, and you will have to walk quite as far. Right? Yeah. Uh, you know, there's a lot of jokes about that, but here's kind of my thought. My wife said this years ago about Valentine's Day. You know, she goes, yeah, sure, you know, make, you know, if you want to do something special, that's fine. I appreciate that. But, you know, why do we have to pick one day a year that that's the day that we shower our spouse or our boyfriend, girlfriend or partner, like, with love and telling them, you know, how we feel about them and how blessed and thankful we are to have them in our lives. Shouldn't we do this more often? I feel that way about goals. I feel that way about evaluating our lives and carving, uh, out space to step out, step out of our busyness and assess, really reflect. Where am I going, right? What am I creating? What do I need to continue to prune from my life that's sort of taking up too much space and not serving me or not bringing value into my life. Right. How do I create, uh, more of a. Of a cadence of doing this maybe multiple times a year. Right. And so, you know, you've got folks like a, uh, great thought leader I, I follow is Michael Hyatt and his company, Michael Hyatt Co. Now it's called Full Focus. And, um, you know, he, he came, uh, out with that planner years ago, right. And I bought it and I'd been a subscriber, I was a subscriber, excuse me, for a long time and kind of have adapted and you know, I got my own system now, but it really helped me with a daily, a weekly, a monthly, a quarterly, and an annual process of doing what I think a lot of society does coming into the new year. And rather than needing to lose £50 every January, right. Or needing to add, uh, a million dollars to your business, what if weekly or monthly I was trying to add $30,000 to my business or I was trying to, you know, shave off three pounds, Right. Or, or gain two pounds of muscle this month. Right. It was something more manageable, more bite sized. I could see myself progressing. I could measure results along the way. So really, over the years, Steve, I personally don't find a once a year approach as helpful as a more consistent week in, week out rhythm assessing, how am I doing? And let me get feedback on that. Let me have a life team that I've spent years creating that gives feedback as well into what they see how I'm showing up as a dad, a husband, a counselor, a coach, a business owner. Right. As a, as a believer, right. As a friend and, and do the work of seeing where I need to adjust and pivot along the way.

Speaker B: That's huge. Right. And I love what you said. There is this consistency over time. New Year's resolutions, we tend to make these expectations, these bold declarations that are way beyond how we're currently living. One and two. That's. It's not realistic, it's not achievable anytime soon because we're not really convincing ourselves that we're actually going to do that. So it's almost like, and here's the key, and you see this too. I love what you said, like, why does January have to be such a big deal? Why can't any other month be just as, just as a great time to start? So it's almost like I'm going to be resolute on something I want to grow in while you're using some of James Clear's 1% better. Right. Atomic habits. I'm going to be small changes. Maybe it's weight loss, or as my, my coach Steve McGee calls it, weight release release releasing weight releasing, the unwanted version of ourself. Because sometimes when you say lose weight, it's almost Like I'm fighting with it. Fighting with the enemy called excess weight. And it's kind of like fear.

Speaker A: Right.

Speaker B: It's kind of like I've tried to fight anger. Anger management. My good, my good. Our good friend Michael is helping me say you're going to build a relationship with anger, not anger management. Because anger man, anger relationship is. I'm fighting with the fear of. I don't like this part of me versus a relationship where it's like God gave this gift. How can I use it in a way that's healthy, holy and sound for others, myself and others. And so building a relationship. So you see New Year's resolutions, almost like I'm disconnected from the. The new action, the habit, the goal, whatever it is, the intention. It's almost like January is this magic number I get to reset. Which sounds good and it can be nice to say, oh, I'm gonna have a refresh reset, you know, which is a good thought. But this idea that you and I are talking about is really being. I'm going to be resolute. I'm going to wake up and each day to be more resolute little at a time. And it doesn't matter what day.

Speaker A: Uh, here it is.

Speaker B: Could be January 1st, it could be December 31st.

Speaker A: Right. And thanks for saying that. You know the. And two, I'm a research wonk. I love that. And the data on 30 to 90 day goals is much more positive than a 12 month goal. And so what if we found ways and we talked about ways when the topic came up, Steve, of how we're learning to take it more bite size, to get 1% better, those little manageable pivots that we need to make versus the sweeping changes. I'm going to go carb free next year, you know, and it's sort of really hard to maintain versus like a period of time where you're really trying to dial something in. Yeah, dial something up, dial something down. Right. And uh, that kind of consistency produces the best results and it shows that.

Speaker B: Well, and you mentioned that too Jim, is, is two things that you mentioned along with being resolute small steps over time. Right. Do create major impact. Uh, when you have a metrics in there and you have a life team others. Because a lot of times we make these big lofty goals and we don't really share it. So there's no real accountability. So I can just drop it whenever I don't feel like it. When I don't feel like it, I'm done. Right. It's kind of that part where. But if I share with many people that are in my tribe that care about me, that are going to call me out when I'm, uh, you know, when I'm starting to buckle with emotion because I just don't feel like it anymore, they're gonna say, hey, let me remind you, this is what you're after. Right? So it's almost like that idea, if I have a life team that helps me see am I really committed is another thing I thinking about. Am I committed to the things I say I wanted? Like my why is almost. Simon say, is my why big enough or am I just trying new things because it sounds good, externate looks cool. If I would lost weight or if I got stronger, if I got smarter, if I had this business goal of creating more income, is it something internally that shifts it or just a nice external, uh, you know, external factor that comes in and sometimes you'll see that too.

Speaker A: That reminds me of a way of saying this that I heard from a therapist once. The idea of destination addiction, um, that happiness is the next little, like, shiny object that I chased. Like you were saying, it sounds good to sort of dabble in the world of, you know, muscle building and, and then dabble in the world of writing a book and give up on that and then dabble in the world of blank. Right. And we can, we can keep sort of like spinning our wheels, thinking we're getting somewhere and we're really, really not. But part of that is it's not really like you said, the why isn't clear for that person. Uh, they're, they're grasping where is fulfillment and purpose and meaning and happiness and, and as a person probably with a lot of ability and a lot of intellect and a lot of potential, but they haven't solved kind of the foundational issue first, so that everything built on top of that is solid as well.

Speaker B: That's another thing you're seeing. I think you mentioned it there, Jim. Is this kind of all or nothing versus versus testing the difference between trying and testing? I tried it. I don't like it. I'm done. I tried it. It didn't work. I'm done. I tried it and I don't feel like it today or tomorrow. I'm done versus testing. I'm getting feedback. Oh, I tested it. Went to CrossFit. Oh, I liked it. I like. I think I'll keep coming. I don't like it. I think I'll try something else. Oh, I'm going to start running. Oh, I tested it. Hey, it feels. I like. I like. I like running. Oh, I kind of hurt myself. Need to pivot. I'm gonna start rowing in my garage. Testing is still pursuing growth to get to. Right. To create the new habit or to. To work on whatever that goal is. We're trying. Oftentimes we. We, uh, stop pursuing. We just give up and stopped. Stop going after growth because it. Because our method or means had to change. What do you think about that?

Speaker A: There's an author. Yeah. Yeah. I love what you're saying. There's an author. I'm trying to recall his name. Off the top of my head, I can see the, uh, one of his many books that he's written, and I read one called, uh, the life you've always wanted. Oh, John Ortberg.

Speaker B: Oh, yeah.

Speaker A: Psychologist and pastor. What a neat combo, by the way. A PhD clinical psychologist and a pastor.

Speaker B: Like, wow, I didn't realize he was a psychologist. I was thinking past.

Speaker A: Now the other part had a path.

Speaker B: I mean, that.

Speaker A: That's quite the combo right there. I've met people that are lawyer therapists. I'm like, wow, that's. You have like two really distinct. But they find ways, of course, to bring them together. Well, John Ortberg wrote a book called the life you've always wanted. And his way, his maxim, his axiom, his dialectic, compare, contrast, was this training versus trying. And you're saying trying versus testing. And there's some similarity there. He said training, what he called for, for righteousness, for godliness, for the life you want. That's the mindset versus, like, I'm going to try not to flip a bird next time somebody cuts me off in traffic.

Speaker B: And.

Speaker A: And then, uh, eventually, you know, my anger gets the better of me, if that's a problem, you know, for. For someone, or I'm going to try not to stop and get that junior bacon cheeseburger shout out to Wendy's. They're so delicious. Thank you. Right. And, you know, I feel bad, like, I have this vice versus training where I'm expecting that, you know, there's going to be soreness and there's going to be ups and downs, and I have a coach and maybe I have like a team, you know, CrossFit, like you said, or Weight Watchers. I got people around me cheering me on, and there's accountability is going to produce a better outcome than me. And my own strength is sort of like white knuckling it, trying really hard, hoping I don't screw it all up.

Speaker B: That's it. And I think you mentioned a key thing there for those listening today is doing it with our life team. But also having maybe a coach, a therapist, a mentor, a pastor, somebody in my corner, somebody at the gym that's counting on me to show up, could be my spouse at times is somebody that's on the other end. It helps me to make sense of it when I've had a bad day, uh, an off day, or I stopped pursuing whatever goal, intention or, or habit I wanted to create this year is I have someone in my corner, like in boxing ring, and I'm getting punched and I look at my coach and I go, he's like, hey, you hit this win, you're doing too much of this. Try some of that. Hey, you're losing hope, you're losing faith. Stay in the battle, stay steadfast. And I think I see that as you're saying that is this idea of I'm, I'm going through this pursuit with someone because I'm, as I'm testing or training, I'm learning new things about myself. If I stay on a lonely island, I start to have the doubt, the fear and the ego and identity come in. If I stay in it with a team, that helps me rise above, see the process of just feedback, of seeing my strengths, seeing opportunities to grow and get better.

Speaker A: Yeah, right. I love that, uh, you know that picture you painted there of the boxer, you know, and I mean, I feel like I'm that boxer sometimes where I'm in the fight, um, I'm in the match and I mean, I'm grinding, I'm sweating and I'm reacting and responding right to what's coming right at me. But I need that person behind me watching it from that third person view. He can see things I can't see. He can notice trends that I'm not yet aware. And my performance will be 10x when I go back to my corner. And hopefully he doesn't have to like cut my eye like Rocky and drained all, all that. I want to gross anybody out, but I mean, that's it. Right, Right. But you know, he does that and then he gives me feedback. Like you said, hey, you're, you need to go for the ribs a little more. Hey, you need to, you need to take fewer swings. You're going to wear yourself out too quick. You're not going to last. You need to, uh, be okay defending yourself a little bit, you know, be calculated with your, with your, with your attacks.

Speaker B: So, yeah, you got the dragon coming out, Jim.

Speaker A: If he dies, he dies.

Speaker B: Okay. I'm done. No boxing for me.

Speaker A: Maybe M. We get to, like, episode 300. We'll. We'll tell the listeners. Tell you what, if you help us get to 300. Yeah. We'll do a, a sparring match, you know, like, and we'll. We'll tape it and we'll put it on YouTube for everybody to watch and. Versus the shrink. Oh, bro.

Speaker B: Definitely some coaches in my corner. Jim, you got. I know your strength. You tell me how much you lift. I don't want to be. I don't want to be at the receiving end of that, Mr. So I'll, uh, be careful to watch.

Speaker A: Faster and quicker than me. I'm just a little slower. I, uh, I might be a little bigger than you, but you're gonna outrun me, and I'll tie you out that way. Match. There we go.

Speaker B: I love it, right? Life's not, it's not worth doing if you're not having fun, right, Jim? That. That's my mantra. So I love that, too. What you're saying is, for those listening to this, this is a key is we remember we talked about shrink just a little bit ago, and we used to be seen as a weakness or somebody else has fixed me or, you know, I must not be able to figure out things in life where it's like, quite now the opposite, where it's like, if I want to perform or do good at anything, better, husband, father, business, you name it. And I don't have somebody in my corner. I'm really selling myself short of somebody that can help me see blind spots. The opportunities, keep the faith, stay in the battle. Like my friend I was walking with this morning, it was cold, and I put gloves on because it was worth it to walk with Jeff. What an amazing friend. It is YouTube, Jim. And we have these people in our corner, but sometimes I think that's for those listening, going, who is in my corner to be resolute with what I want to create this year? Who is that? And that might be the takeaway for you today. To add to that, here's another point. So that was New Year's resolutions versus being resolute. Now, those that do want to be resolute, how are they going to design their year? It's kind of. I was curious about you, Jim, like, what do you have a system or method or a strategy to how you designed your year this year? I know sometimes people use, you know, vision mapping, vision boards. You mentioned some of Michael Hyatt's tracking or journaling system. Uh, Jesse Itzler has this thing called the. I'll say it wants big ass calendar or a big calendar that shows everything in color code. I have a scheduler based off of his work or stretch goals. You've helped me. You introduced me to the thing called, you know, what's your three stretch goals this year? So for you, what's, what's uh, you know, how did you design your year? Now that we've talked about being resolute. But what, how did you create maybe a pathway towards that?

Speaker A: Yeah, that's a great question. And I have been so helped, um, and influenced by some of the authors you mentioned and some of the systems. Right. And so legacy planning. Right. I think of Donald Miller and his, um, his book Hero, uh, on a Mission and his idea of, you know, we all play those four characters, hero, victim, villain and guide. Right. And, and the goal is to be the hero and also to be a guide to others. I think of, uh, Living Forward by Daniel Harkabee and Michael Hyatt. And that really, that really leaned hard on the write your eulogy and, and begin to backtrack like the pathway to the life that you're trying to create, the legacy you're trying to leave. All of that really was very, very influential in my thought process. And at this point in my life, it's kind of my own approach, taking from all of those influencers and all of those folks with wisdom and creating my own thing. And so at this point, what I tend to do and uh, I go back and forth between a few things. This year, what I really needed to do was I needed to shave off a few things and hit the gas on a couple of things that I consistently hear. And my coaches tell me, people that know me tell me, Jim, this is where you're making the biggest impact. This is where you're having, uh, the most influence and doubling down on that. Right?

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: So for me, that's writing and speaking and training. Those are the three things I'm really doubling down on this year. And I'm cutting out and cutting back and stepping, uh, away from some things that were good, but also a bit sideways energy. And so I. A simple thing that I heard from Henry Cloud one time was kind of, you know, a few magic questions. Question number one is, in the next 12 months, what do you want to create that doesn't yet exist?

Speaker B: Oh, good one.

Speaker A: That's the first question. Number it doesn't have to be a business. It could be, you know, a plan for, a strategy for. Could be something like death, a rhythm of Date nights with my spouse. Right. You know, being more consistent on that.

Speaker B: I'll take you up on that one. Thank you, Jim. That was for me, by the way.

Speaker A: Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Hey, listen, if the age you and I are at with our kids, it's. It's such, uh, a challenge. I mean, we are unpaid Uber drivers. We're thankless taxi drivers. We bring the coolers as dads and moms, and we load it up and we. For the team and for our kids and, you know, um, it's fun. It's fun. So. But it's hard to carve out time for ourselves and even for our marriages. Sometimes the struggle is real. So, uh, there's grace, but at the same time, it's too important to neglect and leave to chance. Too important. So that's one question. Question number two was, what do I need to put boundaries around or uproot for my life that's taking up space and will not allow me to create that thing? Right? So this is the idea of pruning. This is the idea of cutting away and letting go, right? In the scriptures, it talks about laying aside the weights that easily hold us back so that we can run with patience the race that is set before us. All right? And then question number three was, who am I bringing along with me as I create this future? Right? And so this is the idea of tribe. This is the idea of coaches, mentors, friends, acquaintances, inner circle confidants. Those things, right? If I'm trying to do it alone, I'm highly likely to fail or at least get some of the way and burn out. I'm doing it with others. Highly likely to succeed. By the way, I'm a huge Navy SEAL biography, autobiography reader. Oh, yeah, that's one of the things I can. Are you. So that's one of the things I consistently see is it's all about the unit. It's all about the team. Right?

Speaker B: And it is. You know, it's so true, Jim, because as you said that, like, I don't know what the deal is. I almost sent this to you. I'll send the song to you yesterday when I was running to make it real for those listening is the, uh, it was, uh, the app. I think it's on Apple. Plus the series Masters of the Air. You know, if you like Band of Brothers and Pacific World War II, the B52 bombadiers, the bomber, you know, these planes. 90% of the guys perished, 90% of them went in battle knowing they would not return. And could you imagine that So I think of that when I hear the theme song to that show. Just gets me. I don't know why I weep in tear and then I have trouble running because then I feel like I have asthma. Right. And it gets me every time because they think about that. Like you're saying, like the seals, like having each other's back, like being in the battle together, going through it together with people, that, that it's kind of being on your deathbed almost. It's like all the non essentials easily, uh, get, you know, melt to the wayside. All the things that don't matter, gone.

Speaker A: Yes, absolutely. Yeah. Check your ego at the door. And, and, you know, goodness sakes. I mean, that group reading about their hazing rituals and how they pimp on the new guys and all that. Which shows up in a lot of, uh, those kinds of, uh, callings. Right. It all, it all is about like, you know, it's not a me thing, it's a we thing, being a Navy Seal. And so I'm inspired by it. But anyway, yeah, they're. They're talking about who you're taking with me. And then that fourth question. This is the final one. 12 months from today, what do I want my story to be? The stories from today I started, how I overcame, how I made progress, how I achieved, or how I, I let go of, uh, I got a year sober. You know, if that's something someone's trying to pursue. Right. What do I want my story to be? So that's. We're really setting our intention very specifically with a plan and a tribe. That's, uh, what I do these days, Steve. That's what helps me.

Speaker B: That's great. Thank you for sharing that. Because you gave me that idea of, you know, one is like, when you're deciding those three things, you know, writing. What was the three that you picked that, uh, for this year, Jim? It was. One was writing, which I'm excited because I get to be here.

Speaker A: Yeah. Under one of my three stretch goals. But as far as my, My, uh, business. Right. It was, uh, writing, it was speaking, and it was training.

Speaker B: Speaking, training. And you're exceptional. All three of those. And I can attest to that, certainly on the speaking side, because I get to be on the receiving engine. And, uh, I think that's awesome because. Because that sets the tone of what matters. Sometimes we think about boundaries. You see it on the counseling side many times. Right. And I see it on the coaching side. I go, my boundaries are a little bit easier for my time, space and energy. If I at least know what fills my calendar first, right. If I lead at least know what matters most, then my yeses and my nos are a little easier to come by. I don't have to rely on people pleasing or, oh, do I tell them I can't make it to that event. Well, oh, look at my calendar. Oh, look, it looks like I have, oh, uh, appointment with myself at CrossFit. Oh, you know, I wish I could come, right. It's almost like I set the intentions. I'm designing my year, right? What you're sharing, I'm designing, I'm painting the picture. And 12 months from now, what is that going to look like? What's the harvest look like? What, what do I need to prune? This is also where the coach, the therapist comes in or a mentor or a friend. My life team, my tribe. What do I need to prune? That's getting in the way all the time. And oftentimes that's the biggest thing is you get so much on your freaking calendar. Get something off of there. Let's help you do that. Right? And I love that what you said. I have a vision board I created this year. Not every year do I do right. Sometimes I used to get like this big, big planner that's color coded for family and personal hobbies and business. So I can, I can see that I have a good blend of things in my, in my buckets from personal, professional, relational. So I've used that, but also a vision board. And I took our, uh, my elevate up tribe to that last year. This year I created a vision board and Jim's face is on there. It's right in the middle at first. Allison goes, that's kind of weird. Why do you have your friends up there? I said, because it reminds me to be intentionally in pursuit of Jim, either praying for or supporting your vision for this year and vice versa, asking for help and support to be in the boxing ring in my corner this year too. And that's why I put it on there, you know, so it's kind of like I put on there either the things that, that I'm pursuing or the, or the people that are going to help me in the, in the thrones of life. You know, like you mentioned the seals or somebody. I have a picture of a World War II soldier carrying a brother on his back. I have another picture of Yoda on the back of Luke Skywalker receiving mentoring, having a spiritual sage.

Speaker A: Right?

Speaker B: And a, uh, different scripture, different things on there, right? A quote if you want to Go fast and far, go together. And that's where the shrink and the Sherpa comes in, where I know darn well that if I team up with Jim Urban, that I can go faster and farther, and it's more fun than for me to stay on this lonely island. And so those things, like, for me, a vision board became real for me this year. Kind of pops off the. It pops off the. Off of the. The, you know, really off the wall here into real life. Wow, that's such a cool, uh.

Speaker A: And I've seen, you know, your vision board, and, um, it's such a cool thing. And. Wow. What. What an honor to, uh, have my face up there. Hopefully it's a something.

Speaker B: Did I pick a good picture, Jim? You might want to change it.

Speaker A: I. I, uh. You could ask my wife. She'd probably tell. Yeah. Uh, the left side of his face, he looks more smart. The right side, she looks a little goofy. I don't know. Something like that, you know, I don't see the same things she does in pictures. My pictures aren't in the back.

Speaker B: I got the handsome beard in there, though. I wanted the beard in the beard.

Speaker A: Yeah. Yes, yes. And some of the weight loss from the last few years. I know I've still got a couple pictures to update. Steve, thank you for reminding me that I have some old pandemic gym pictures out there from when I was, uh, you know, sitting at home. Right. And for those that don't know, Jim

Speaker B: released over 100, I think. What, £100 of excess?

Speaker A: No, not £100. It was more like 40.

Speaker B: Well, it seemed like, dude, I've only known you at this level, but it seemed like you really. I mean, you definitely put in the work, and. And you're a living representation of that. Right. Being resolute, I think. I think it's our testimony, like, you're, like, just seeing you like that. I didn't know the previous gym, but I know the current gym, and I think it's awesome to highlight the current gym and, of course, the previous one to say, wow, this is where I was and this is where I am now. And you really brought up the point there, I think, between resolutions and designing, our year of, uh, that we're in practicing, that you practiced, showing up, whether it's diet, nutrition, exercise, sleep with the tribe, with people that you could do life with, that help. Help you get to the. To the finish line. Right. But really showing up to practice consistently, faithfully, I think that's a key thing that you brought up throughout today's. Episode is this consistency over time.

Speaker A: Yeah, that, That's, That's. I mean, that's something I had to learn the hard way. I think, like all of us, that that is how we make progress. Is it's 1% better like, like you mentioned with James Clear. Or it is just. Can I. Can I show up to the gym? Can I show up to, you know, to. To the opportunity and, and do I have enough accountability in my life that when I don't feel like doing it, I get that 4:30 text. Urban, are you going to show up? Uh, get your sorry butt out of bed and join us.

Speaker B: You.

Speaker A: You know, and I like that. That actually helps me. It doesn't, you know.

Speaker B: Cool. I'll start sending you those texts. Okay, good. Now that I know I'm ready to be.

Speaker A: Be more brutal is, uh, is actually like a good thing for someone like me.

Speaker B: Yes. Drill sergeant Steve's coming out, baby. The sherpa is 2.0.

Speaker A: But. But I need to know the drill sergeant has a soft spot and he. He's proud of me once in a while. There you go.

Speaker B: Yeah, well, you're going to get that, too. A bear hug and a slap on the backside. Right.

Speaker A: Good kick in the. In the rear end if I need it. And I will. I'm sure, so. And you will.

Speaker B: We do. And we need to give that to each other. You know, it's like giving a kick with love. You know, if those that are hearing this, go, gosh, you know, I love what I'm hearing, but where do I start? Like, if somebody was to make, like, a 1% change today, today, right. And going, gosh, you know, I fell behind on my resolutions. I, uh, didn't really design my year very well. I didn't set my intentions. And now I'm kind of lost, overwhelmed. And I want to. How do I get back on track? What could they do today? What's one step they could do or 1% better today that they could do? Uh, both home or work, whichever it is.

Speaker A: So the very first place I would begin is invite someone into your well. And that's. That's something I learned from a mentor, Dr. John Townsend. The idea that. Imagine that you have stumbled and fallen. We all lose our way and fall sometimes.

Speaker B: That's.

Speaker A: That's human nature. And you fall into a well. It's 30, 40ft down. You hit the bottom. It's a dry well. Um, your leg is broken. You know, you're in the desert at night. It drops 100 degrees that day, it rises 100 degrees. And what you don't need is somebody, uh, walking up to the well, standing at the top and going, hey, it's sunny and it's life is good up here. Just come on out of that pit, man. Just, just try harder, you know, and you got a broken leg and you know, um, right. And what somebody doesn't need is judgment. Well, were you paying attention to where you were walking? You ding bad. How'd you fall into a stinking well, you know, and like criticize you and put you down? That's not going to help you either. But it also, you know, uh, doesn't help to kind of make excuses. The reality is, is like the goal is to get us out of that wealth. So part of a skill in life is if I get lost, and this was a hard thing as a man, I had to learn this in my, in my 30s, um, was to humble myself and trust the people around me. Somebody, some safe person, somebody who gets it, somebody who uh, doesn't come at you with a three step plan to fix your life today. They just care and they, and they want to help. That's the person I would call and say, hey man, like for the last two weeks I've been, you know, getting the bear claw from the donut shop and I've been uh, you know, uh, slacking off on the workouts. And man, I just feel crummy, you know, and I feel like I'm trapped and I'm never gonna, you know, achieve that. And I saw the quote today, summer bodies are built in the winter. Well, my summer bodies, not the, you know what I want. Right. And yeah, and uh, I'm discouraged and I'm tempted to throw in the towel. I would start there with inviting someone into your. Well, the other thing I would do is I would ask that person for help, uh, in one area and that they would ask that they would follow up with me, ask that we would have a circle back conversation. Maybe that would help me get back on track. Like, hey, next week I just want to make it to the gym twice. And uh, seven days. Can we have another meeting? Can we grab coffee again? And can we evaluate how I'm doing? And I would ask for it. I think that that relational step is critical and that can help somebody get unstuck.

Speaker B: I love that. Thank you, Jim. It's so different than what people would probably hear elsewhere because you think about our greatest need is human connection. So it makes sense that our greatest ability to step into action today or take forward progress is getting in the well with people and getting in the well with someone that you can trust as well as having follow up with them. That's why coaching exists, because people don't follow up. Hey, let's do this. This sounds good. Where'd they go?

Speaker A: Right?

Speaker B: Because we don't follow up. And I think what a great, great idea for somebody to start today is, you know, one is because it is our greatest desire to connect being in the well, and two, to be able to follow up and say, how am I doing? How am I doing? Check in on me. Because nobody is. Has, uh, enough willpower or motivation on their own strength. Right? And. And, uh, that's something, I think, that leads me to my final point for today with you, Jim. And we're gonna. We're gonna have some fun with this in our. In the shrinking the Sherpa, and it's gonna be this, right? What does it mean? We talk about influential lead a little bit on the leadership pricing. But what you said, there is being an influential leader is something today. If I'm in the. Well, if I'm following up, it's no longer about institutional leadership, right, Jim? It's no longer about titles, degrees, education. Those nice. Those are nice things. But people in the workforce, you see it on the Gallup polls that it's not working anymore, right? That. Do you know who I am, what I've done? I've. I deserve this no longer works for me, but more of. I'm continuing to wake up and do my practice. You said John Orbrook. I'm doing the repetitions in today's culture. Uh, what do you see? What do you see today? I mean, we see it on the political side, you know, both federally and state and statewide social platforms and sports and entertainment. You know, what do you see today for leaders, you know, to really create this space where. Because you. We're talking a lot about the human relationship today. Having people come with me to be in my resolutions with me, to design my year with me when I doubt myself and I fall off the ladder and I want to get back on. What do you. How do you see this play out as. As influential leaders in, you know, really today's world, where it used to be about do you know who I am more about who am I being today?

Speaker A: Yeah, absolutely. You know, I think, um, if I were onboarding somebody onto my team, knowing what I've learned over the years and what I've seen, one of the first things I would do in getting to know them is I would want to know how. How do you feel recognized, seen, and appreciated at a very high level. You know, and there's, there's different languages for appreciation. You know, uh, some people need to hear it. Some people need a token. Some people need a symbol that says, I'm. I'm hitting the mark for you, boss. You know, I'm. Hit it. I'm. I'm absolutely. You have given me the feedback that I'm excell and that I'm doing well. So appreciation. The second thing I would do is find out how they rebound from difficult experiences, what helps them get back up when they've fallen down, and how can I be a part of that. The third thing I would want to find out is how do they thrive in a team or a group environment. Right. Um, some people are upfront vocal leaders and some people are backstage sound booth. They excel in that, that level. Right. And other people, they want to move chairs and they want to set up the props and you know, when the curtain drops on the, on the Broadway, you know, they want to rush out the new set and then disappear. And that's that, you know, and that's great. It takes a team. You know, the Bible talks about a body with head. You know, Christ is the head. Right. But, you know, there's. There's all these parts, right? There's toes, there's arms, and no part is more important than the other. So how do you need to be included to feel a part of this team? And what can you uniquely contribute? I think those three things right there meet so many, touch on so many levels of how they, they. They meet goals and how they're most productive, but also how they fit in well in a group environment. And when people have belonging, meaning, purpose, feedback, they have the tools necessary to thrive. So in 2025, I think that, uh, you know, leading through people, those would be some of the things I would really be wanting to find out quickly.

Speaker B: And it's beautiful you say that and kind of just rehashing some of those for the. Those that are listening, it's like this language appreciation.

Speaker A: Right.

Speaker B: Physical touch, words of affirmation, gifts.

Speaker A: Careful. The physical touch. But absolutely, you know, fist bump, you

Speaker B: and I. I love, I love a physical touch from Jim Urban. Right. So that's mine. But you're right, it's. But the physical, however, that looks right. High five or fist bump in the workplace, you know, at. But at home, obviously more goes for them. Uh, you know, we got, you know, words of affirmation. We got, we got acts of service, we got gifts, we got quality Time do I know that with my, with the people that I'm leading? You know, this rebound for difficulty in difficult times is getting in that well goes right back to that. Am I knowing the difficulties that takes place with me? A good book for that is the three Laws of Performance for those listening. Excellent book to help look at the realities of what's going on with my team and my culture. And that third one like do my people, do my. Do they thrive individually? Do they thrive as a team or a group? Or how. How do they best light up in the workplace today? And I love as you're sharing that too really goes to the idea of being an influential leader. You see this theme of connection and relationship show up today as Jim is sharing. That is how do I, how do I get to know my team? Because there's a recent study that came out uh, and you know the most, most in the workforce say what Millennials or genders, Gen Y and Gen Z, I would say not even Gen Xers are still there too because uh, because baby movers are all retiring. So the majority of the workforce millennials. And you think about this but Gen Z particularly one of the greatest fear, it used to be public speaking now is actually having conversations, actually talking to someone you saw that come out. So an uh, influential leader that actually helps to get to know their gen zer, what and all. And you know obviously Gen Y and Gen X but that, that struggle of how do I even have a conversation helping to, helping to make that more comfortable, more at uh, ease more more you know, really learning to appreciate somebody that is maybe struggles to even do that because they're so used to technology being their motor response and learning their style. That would stand out wouldn't it in today's culture Gym.

Speaker A: Absolutely. And I think you know there's so much uh, I'm intrigued uh, and you know to go deeper into some of the data with you know uh, like that last statistic you talked about, I think it was 70% of Gen Zers and surveys report self reported that they avoid personal conversations with their team and they basically they leave as soon as work is over. They don't go to after work functions if there are those. And, and um, kind of like some of the perspectives, you know, could be from a standpoint of either discomfort with that or distrust or seeing it as some sort of disingenuous attempt to get more out of employees, uh, but making it seem like it's about them. And so you know there's perspectives they have and they, they went through, you know, seeing their parents probably go through the 2008 recession and even 2020 and everything that happened in the world. And coming into the workforce having been through two recessions and, and having seen what they have seen, it makes a lot of sense why they would have the lens that they have. And anyway, I don't want to belabor that point, but I think good leadership involves really understanding what are some of the predominant mentalities that, you know, uh, people in a certain bracket are likely to come to my team dealing with. I mean, it was the same way with Millennials. There was a lot of work done. You probably remember, uh, yeah, Gen Xers

Speaker B: and Gen Xers being the latchkey kids, the Gen Xers. I guess we started that idea of like, not, uh, not believing, you know, kind of distrust for leader, for leadership. I don't believe you kind of start with Gen Xers in that way. Where I start, I stopped believing my authority.

Speaker A: Right. Figured for.

Speaker B: Right.

Speaker A: Rightly so.

Speaker B: Because a lot think more things were transparent through TV or radio or technology started to emerge so we could see things more prevalent today.

Speaker A: Right.

Speaker B: Faster pace, I guess you could say business world's more transparent in both good ways and bad ways. The good ways is, hey, we get to know what's really going on behind the curtain. The bad news is when people get scared and how do we help them reemerge to connect, to come out of the closet and say, hey, let's just, let's let's meet, let's start building a relationship. What's the best way we can start? That's the influential leader you're talking about, Jim. Because institutional is like, don't you know who I am, man? You better get on board or get out. It's like, uh, sorry about you going to lose a lot of people that way.

Speaker A: You're going to lose a lot of staff. Absolutely, yeah. The mentality is like, okay, fine, you're going to be that way. Well, I've got other options and I'll quite quit. You know, there's a lot of levers, I guess, that can be pulled. You can fly under the radar for a little bit before they really, you know, have to let you go officially. Right. So, um, it's not going to work. Right. And so rather than fighting the reality, I love what John Townsend told us one time. He said, reality is never your enemy. Reality is always your friend. Your enemy is your refusal to accept reality on reality's terms. It's our wish that things would be different or like they used to be. Quote Unquote. Our refusal to adapt, that's our enemy, not reality. Right. Reality is not our enemy. It's my job to adapt to reality.

Speaker B: I love that. Thank you for sharing that. And that's probably a good pivot there. Adapting to what is. You know, as we talked about New Year's resolutions, being resolute, talked about designing your year by, you know, determine what that's going to be. My actions, my.

Speaker A: My.

Speaker B: My goals, my intentions. And we looked at, like, starting this path of being influential leader, being with my team, with my people, being involved.

Speaker A: Right.

Speaker B: Getting in the well, appreciating others, learning their. How they connect. And we're going to, of course, expand on that through the. The Sherpa and the Shrink podcast. We're going to have a lot of fun really unpacking that. But those things right now that leaders are thinking here in January, those are thoughts that are coming up in our heads. I hope that. I hope that connected with a lot of you. Uh, final rapid round for you, Jim, that I added to this twist is for those that you mentioned, some really cool books in there, and we'll add those to the show notes. But if somebody was to pick one book that you'd recommend to them to read and drop everything else this year, what would it be?

Speaker A: Oh, my goodness, just one. Man, you're really making it hard on me. Uh, the one that I have recommended recently that I took a TLP Towns and Leisure Program Group 3, or a Men's group. Excuse me, a men's growth Group three was called, um, nine things you simply must do by Henry Cloud.

Speaker B: Nine things you simply must do by Henry Cloud.

Speaker A: Okay. And there's another version called nine things a leader simply must do. Either one, um, depending on what reference point you want, it really is nine powerful lessons, uh, nine powerful wise chapters that really have you hardcore looking at areas of your life that will. That will help you prune and help you cut away, but also help you make room and fuel more resources toward what can grow, blossom, flourish, and thrive. And, uh, that's the one I would say start with that. Awesome.

Speaker B: Thank you, Jim. And this next one's not to, you know, when your past is done, it's done, we move forward. But if you can speak to the younger Jim, what one piece of advice would would it be? You know, some people say, hey, you know, the best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago, and the next best is today. Right. But looking at the old, uh, what would you tell your younger gym self?

Speaker A: I think if I could speak to younger me, I would say, don't worry so much about what other people think. They're not thinking about you near as much as you think they are. So, um, let go of that, that need for their validation or their approval or their stamp of approval on your life. Trust that gut, trust that instinct. Trust God, and go boldly for what you are being called to do. I think I could have spent less time worrying about how is this going to appear or is this going to rock the boat. That would have been a great thing to hear, but thank God that I didn't, because I'm grateful for the process at times, that was painful, uh, shedding those old rules and those old ways of seeing things. And I'm even more grateful to be less chained by the opinions of man today. So I think had I not struggled, I don't think I would appreciate it as much.

Speaker B: That's awesome. Yeah. So true.

Speaker A: Right?

Speaker B: So it's like I wouldn't take anything back, but. But I would, right? It's almost like I would, but I would not because it's where I am today, because of all those thoughts, decisions. Right? And here's a fun one. Who's your favorite NFL team?

Speaker A: Oh, my favorite NFL team. That's an easy one. Philadelphia Eagles. I grew up in the Pennsylvania area. I've rooted for them since I was a little kid. And, uh, as of the recording of this podcast, you know, we're looking forward to the divisional round, the playoffs, uh, hosting the Los Angeles Rams should be really good. By the way, I do want to say for those who are sports fans, a lot of people saw that video of that man accosting that couple that were green, uh, Bay packers fans. And, um, you know, the Philly fans get a bad, ah, rap and, and all of that. And, uh, it's kind of like, um, I think a cultural myth, like we just say this reality is, is 90, uh, 9%. I've been to games. I lived in the city, right? I've been around. 99% of fans are nothing like that. But, you know, you have a few drunk idiots at any game, and please don't judge us by that. You know, the team has banned him for life from the stadium. That is completely uncalled for. I want people, if they come to Philly, to know we, we're tough and we're going to, we're going to, you know, we're going to heckle a little bit, but at the end of the day, like, we could buy each other a beer and enjoy a game together. And, uh, learn from each other and appreciate one another. And I think that's what most people would experience. I think, hey, that's it.

Speaker B: Passionate fans, they will boo you if you're not performing. And don't hang out in the left lane. It can be the city of brotherly love, but don't take that to the bank if you're driving slow in the left lane. And then lastly, Jim, any final words, thoughts, encouragement for the audience today, brother?

Speaker A: Well, in light of everything, I think that the key is, um, in everything that we talked about, you know, really getting intentional with, uh, who you bring along with you. Uh, loneliness is a very real epidemic. We interviewed on Leadership Rising. Your friend, I'm trying to remember his name. He talks a lot about Richard Kelly. Richard Kelly. Thank you. And, uh, you know, I follow him on social media, and he's really, really leaned into that. You know, most men, as a counselor, I see this. Most men, um, over the age of 35, have no best friends. They have no friend group. And they're living for their job, for their family. And those men, if that doesn't change, they're a, uh, ticking time bomb with either an addiction or an affair or some kind of midlife crisis, because that will run. That will run its course, and a man will one day wake up going, I've spent my life for living for others, and I've forgotten my heart, my interest, my passions, my what I need along the way. And I just can't stink and do it any longer. So we want to prevent that or help people rebuild and recover if they found themselves there. And so who am I taking along with me? That tribe? And if you need to read more about that tribe, I encourage you to look up the concept of a Life team by Dr. John Townsend. There's some great articles and blogs that will give you an idea of where to start, because that can seem vague and kind of, where do I begin? Well, some, um, really, really good tips that John put out.

Speaker B: Thank you, Jim. That's. It's exciting, as you say. That's almost as we talked about this year. Starting this year strong. It's like, less about what we're doing and who we're doing it with.

Speaker A: Right.

Speaker B: Who we're doing it with. And that might be different from what listeners almost guarantee it's going to be different from what everyone's thinking about stepping into their goals this year.

Speaker A: It's.

Speaker B: It's like, who am I doing it with? Who am I inviting into my life? And thank you for sharing that, because we're going to add a lot of really cool guests this coming year, you know, into the. The Sherpa and the shrink. For now, though, for. Thank you, though, for those listening to this episode in the elevator Podcast man. Jim, it's been an honor and a privilege interviewing you. My. In my tribe, my. My life team, my diamond dog. I don't know what not to call you. I could. I. You get to be my shrink, too. Uh, you know, and so I guess I get. I get many benefits there, right, Jim? But you're just, you're in. I just.

Speaker A: I appreciate the way that, uh, that the invoices keep getting paid. I'm kidding.

Speaker B: Thank you, Jim. Send that one to me. Right?

Speaker A: There you go. Yeah. No, no, no, that, that's. That's like my subtle way of deterring when I'm at church, if somebody's going on too long, it's like, hey, listen, I'm a person that needs to worship and like, learn and hear and grow too. And, uh, so I'll just say, hey, just tell me again where. Where I need to send the invoice for this. And they'll kind of laugh and then they'll go, all right, well, it's good seeing you, Jim.

Speaker B: M. Yeah, good. I like that. Good boundary, by the way.

Speaker A: Boundaries. Like a subtle boundary thing.

Speaker B: Yeah. What a good one. It did.

Speaker A: It is. Because people understand.

Speaker B: Well, and you think about it, too, is. It's our crafts, right?

Speaker A: It's.

Speaker B: It's the, the timing, the effort, the, the schooling, the mentoring, the investing that you're, you know, that you're gifting people with. And so, uh, I'm honored by, by being your friend. So I guess maybe I get some of the inside scoop without the invoice sent to me.

Speaker A: But what an honor and privilege it

Speaker B: is, Jim, you know, and if you'd like to learn more about Jim, I'm going to put your. Your links in the show notes, Jim, so people can find you. Certainly they will. I know the previous guests have just absolutely loved listening, uh, to you. And so, uh, as rightfully so as I do. And also, though, if you'd like to have a conversation to making this year the best year, personally, professionally, relationally, let's just book a call with me also on coachstevec.com that's s t e v e-e s e A Y. And let's get together because Jim and I do a lot of work with companies and, uh, culture. So we would love to help your company, both personally, professionally, have really the best year possible. And build that relationships. Building, getting in the will, getting to appreciate each other. Really, you really sitting sinking into that influential leader. And we can do that with your team. But stay tuned for more in the meantime as we prepare to launch this new season, the Sherpa and the Shrink. So you don't want to miss this one. This is going to be, I think, uh, for me, the highlight of my year this year for sure. So this is your Sherpa. Uh, please check the show notes to find out more and links about how we can climb higher together. Right, Jim? And, uh, man, brother, happy trails to you. Happy gym to you. I should say, happy gym time, Jim. Jim is in the gym, right? Doing his crossfitting. Looking good. Being just a wonderful, wonderful man, an influential leader in today's world. That's so needed. Thank you, Jim. I can't wait to continue creating and building with you brother in this life.

Speaker A: Thank you. It was a privilege to be on your show again. Thanks for having me again. Hope everybody, uh, got, uh, some value from our time today and look forward to, uh, hearing and, and, and hearing from you all as we transition to the Sherpa and the Shrink. It'll be a lot of fun.

Speaker B: Awesome. Uh, um, you take care, brother.

Speaker A: You too, Steve. Bye now. Bye, Sam.