203 | Why Successful Women Struggle to Make Decisions and How to Trust Yourself Again

1 00:00:00,239 --> 00:00:02,080 Erin Gray: Welcome back to Your Money, Your Rules. 2 00:00:02,240 --> 00:00:04,480 Today we are talking about something that I think every 3 00:00:04,480 --> 00:00:06,879 business owner or founder experiences that's making 4 00:00:06,879 --> 00:00:07,360 decisions. 5 00:00:07,440 --> 00:00:11,839 And more specifically, why so many smart, beautiful, capable 6 00:00:11,839 --> 00:00:13,679 women struggle with making them. 7 00:00:13,839 --> 00:00:17,440 Because in my experience, most people aren't actually afraid of 8 00:00:17,440 --> 00:00:19,760 making the wrong decision. 9 00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:23,440 They're afraid of what happens when they do, and they also are 10 00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:25,600 afraid of how they're going to treat themselves. 11 00:00:25,760 --> 00:00:27,199 So let's dive in. 12 00:00:27,440 --> 00:00:32,079 I think a lot of us grew up as really smart, straight A 13 00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:32,719 students. 14 00:00:32,960 --> 00:00:36,799 At least that's has been my experience with the women that I 15 00:00:36,799 --> 00:00:40,640 have worked with and, you know, the A's in school and all of 16 00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:43,840 this stuff of like doing it, trying to do it perfectly and 17 00:00:43,840 --> 00:00:44,880 not get it right. 18 00:00:45,280 --> 00:00:48,159 And we look at making these decisions. 19 00:00:48,320 --> 00:00:53,600 We've taken how we have been in school and we approach decisions 20 00:00:53,600 --> 00:00:55,359 like we're looking for certainty. 21 00:00:55,679 --> 00:00:58,479 We want to find the perfect answer. 22 00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:02,880 We want the guaranteed outcome, the sign or the proof or the 23 00:01:02,880 --> 00:01:06,480 validation and leadership and owning your business, it doesn't 24 00:01:06,480 --> 00:01:06,959 work that way. 25 00:01:07,120 --> 00:01:08,560 The future is unknown. 26 00:01:08,719 --> 00:01:12,400 You can gather data, you can seek wisdom, right? 27 00:01:12,480 --> 00:01:14,000 You can do your due diligence. 28 00:01:14,159 --> 00:01:16,719 But at the end of the day, what I always say, like the buck 29 00:01:16,719 --> 00:01:17,200 stops with you. 30 00:01:17,280 --> 00:01:18,719 Like you've got to make the decision. 31 00:01:19,040 --> 00:01:22,480 You have to get information and data from the decision. 32 00:01:22,640 --> 00:01:25,920 You have to feel into it and do it and then see how it works. 33 00:01:26,079 --> 00:01:30,719 And the discomfort that we're so used to feeling, I think, is 34 00:01:30,719 --> 00:01:32,319 from that place of uncertainty. 35 00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:34,719 It's not like making a decision because you either make it or 36 00:01:34,719 --> 00:01:35,280 you don't, right? 37 00:01:35,439 --> 00:01:37,280 Or you make this decision or you make that decision. 38 00:01:37,359 --> 00:01:38,640 Like there's nothing there. 39 00:01:38,719 --> 00:01:39,439 That's the action. 40 00:01:39,519 --> 00:01:42,480 It's, but it's like, what is the feelings that it's bringing up 41 00:01:42,480 --> 00:01:45,680 within us that's creating the hesitancy in making the 42 00:01:45,680 --> 00:01:46,319 decisions? 43 00:01:46,560 --> 00:01:51,359 I have an actual post-it on my computer that says, I don't know 44 00:01:51,359 --> 00:01:52,000 the outcome. 45 00:01:52,159 --> 00:01:55,280 And I'm trusting God and myself, anyways, and I'm moving forward. 46 00:01:55,439 --> 00:02:00,000 I think for so many of us, you know, we think that also too, 47 00:02:00,159 --> 00:02:03,120 we're putting so much pressure on the decision that we are 48 00:02:03,120 --> 00:02:06,480 making versus this is just another step that we're doing 49 00:02:06,480 --> 00:02:07,359 and moving forward. 50 00:02:07,519 --> 00:02:11,919 So many of us attach, I think, who we are, our identity, what 51 00:02:11,919 --> 00:02:15,680 we think about of ourselves as a human to the outcomes. 52 00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:19,759 And we are so often attached to the outcomes that we are 53 00:02:19,759 --> 00:02:20,400 creating. 54 00:02:20,560 --> 00:02:24,319 So, you know, we have beliefs around like, oh, if this works, 55 00:02:24,400 --> 00:02:28,240 then I've done a good job, or I haven't messed up, or I'm 56 00:02:28,240 --> 00:02:32,000 successful, or I'm credible, or capable. 57 00:02:32,159 --> 00:02:37,520 Like insert whatever flavor you use or what your brain tells you 58 00:02:37,520 --> 00:02:41,360 that you, you know, when you are wanting to make decisions. 59 00:02:41,520 --> 00:02:45,919 And then we have stories around like if it doesn't work, right? 60 00:02:46,080 --> 00:02:48,960 Then we have those stories around like I'm a failure or 61 00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:53,759 this isn't going to work, or I'm irresponsible, or I messed this 62 00:02:53,759 --> 00:02:55,680 all up, or I should have known better. 63 00:02:55,759 --> 00:03:00,000 Like there's a lot of beating up energy when it comes to if we 64 00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:01,680 make a decision and it didn't work out. 65 00:03:01,840 --> 00:03:06,479 And I think for so many of us, we don't allow ourselves to just 66 00:03:06,479 --> 00:03:08,479 play and make some decisions. 67 00:03:08,639 --> 00:03:14,000 We've heavily put so much into like the money that we're going 68 00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:18,800 to invest, or if we hire this person and it doesn't work out, 69 00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:22,639 or all of these stories that we have created, and because we 70 00:03:22,639 --> 00:03:27,680 make it mean so much about us, versus we're just a human in a 71 00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:31,280 business making a decision and then making another decision, it 72 00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:32,000 feels heavy. 73 00:03:32,240 --> 00:03:35,439 We have attached our decision making to our identity, to our 74 00:03:35,439 --> 00:03:39,840 worthiness, to how we treat ourselves, for how we love 75 00:03:39,919 --> 00:03:42,960 ourselves once the decision didn't work out the way that we 76 00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:43,439 thought it would. 77 00:03:43,599 --> 00:03:47,039 And I want to say here that decisions are just data. 78 00:03:47,199 --> 00:03:47,840 That's it. 79 00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:49,599 They just provide information. 80 00:03:49,840 --> 00:03:54,800 And I have seen that the owners that are able to make decisions 81 00:03:54,879 --> 00:03:57,680 and not quickly as in like, let's hurry up, let's make 82 00:03:57,680 --> 00:04:00,080 decisions, but just the ones that are able to just make a 83 00:04:00,080 --> 00:04:02,719 decision, not make it mean anything about them, move on, 84 00:04:02,879 --> 00:04:06,319 gather the data, make another decision, just keep moving, are 85 00:04:06,319 --> 00:04:10,400 able to grow and to have a business that feels fun because 86 00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:14,240 you're not attaching your business about who you are as a 87 00:04:14,240 --> 00:04:14,560 human. 88 00:04:14,719 --> 00:04:18,079 And so, how can we, you know, like detaching our identity? 89 00:04:18,240 --> 00:04:21,600 Like, yes, so many of us love our business and it is a 90 00:04:21,600 --> 00:04:24,319 heart-led business, and it is coming from this place of I want 91 00:04:24,319 --> 00:04:27,600 to share and I want to give my gifts to the world and this 92 00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:29,439 business and this team and all of this. 93 00:04:29,600 --> 00:04:30,959 And yes, that is true. 94 00:04:31,120 --> 00:04:35,040 And also, like your business is its own entity, you are not 95 00:04:35,040 --> 00:04:37,199 wrapped up in that as well. 96 00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:40,639 So I want you to think about how you have been making decisions 97 00:04:40,720 --> 00:04:44,879 and then what stories have you been taking from your decisions. 98 00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:48,000 I have a client who was making some comments about like, well, 99 00:04:48,079 --> 00:04:50,959 I did this, and then you know, like I got a yes, but then it 100 00:04:50,959 --> 00:04:52,079 didn't work out the way I thought. 101 00:04:52,160 --> 00:04:55,680 It's like, who knows what your intuition, maybe you needed to 102 00:04:55,680 --> 00:04:59,759 actually have that exact experience to move through that. 103 00:04:59,920 --> 00:05:03,680 To maybe it was a it was a lesson in learning of loving 104 00:05:03,680 --> 00:05:05,680 yourself even more than you already do. 105 00:05:05,839 --> 00:05:08,720 Maybe that was what your intuition was wanting to teach 106 00:05:08,720 --> 00:05:08,959 you. 107 00:05:09,120 --> 00:05:09,600 Who knows? 108 00:05:09,759 --> 00:05:13,439 Like we want to judge, oh well, our intuition said this and then 109 00:05:13,439 --> 00:05:14,720 it didn't work out the way I thought. 110 00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:17,199 It's like, yeah, because that's what your mind was creating. 111 00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:20,319 Like we don't know everything that is supposed to be 112 00:05:20,319 --> 00:05:21,279 happening, right? 113 00:05:21,360 --> 00:05:25,040 Like this is the work that we're doing with ourselves and with 114 00:05:25,040 --> 00:05:25,199 God. 115 00:05:25,360 --> 00:05:29,199 And I think when we can really tap into that, He does have a 116 00:05:29,199 --> 00:05:32,000 bigger plan for us, that we need to let go of the control. 117 00:05:32,160 --> 00:05:35,439 That yes, you got a yes and you moved with it, and then you got 118 00:05:35,439 --> 00:05:37,920 in and you felt it and you listened to your intuition again 119 00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:40,079 and it was a no, like that's a beautiful thing. 120 00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:43,759 Maybe that lesson for you, like I said, was to recognize, you 121 00:05:43,759 --> 00:05:44,079 know what? 122 00:05:44,240 --> 00:05:47,600 I honored my intuition and I fell deeper in love with myself 123 00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:48,879 and I didn't beat myself up. 124 00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:50,240 Who knows what the lesson was? 125 00:05:50,399 --> 00:05:53,600 But when we're thinking that it has to look a certain way, we're 126 00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:56,959 also not letting the magic happen through our decisions. 127 00:05:57,199 --> 00:06:00,240 The other thing I think that happens is we don't trust 128 00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:02,319 ourselves to handle the outcome. 129 00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:05,279 And this is a more nuanced and deeper level. 130 00:06:05,360 --> 00:06:08,720 Like this is, I think, where a lot of some of our wounding has 131 00:06:08,720 --> 00:06:09,120 come from. 132 00:06:09,279 --> 00:06:12,560 And we have taken that with us and maybe we haven't worked 133 00:06:12,560 --> 00:06:14,000 through it yet and transformed it. 134 00:06:14,079 --> 00:06:17,120 You know, if we have made decisions when we were younger 135 00:06:17,279 --> 00:06:21,120 and we were reprimanded, or we were even abandoned, or we were, 136 00:06:21,199 --> 00:06:27,040 or love was withheld from us, we are going to avoid making 137 00:06:27,040 --> 00:06:29,439 decisions because it was painful, right? 138 00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:32,720 When we did make decisions before and we got in trouble or 139 00:06:32,720 --> 00:06:35,920 we got punished, that is still in our body if we haven't 140 00:06:35,920 --> 00:06:37,759 transformed it and transcended it. 141 00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:41,920 So think about that you aren't that little girl anymore, right? 142 00:06:42,160 --> 00:06:43,680 The body may still feel that way. 143 00:06:43,759 --> 00:06:46,319 Like I have a friend who's like, yeah, I know, Erin, but the body 144 00:06:46,319 --> 00:06:46,959 still feels that. 145 00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:49,839 It's like, yes, that's why it's so important to be doing like 146 00:06:49,839 --> 00:06:53,920 the emotional release work, the tapping, the somatic work so you 147 00:06:53,920 --> 00:06:55,600 can teach your body that it's safe. 148 00:06:55,680 --> 00:06:58,800 But we aren't that little five or 10-year-old girl anymore, 149 00:06:59,040 --> 00:06:59,360 right? 150 00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:03,199 And so really making sure that you are caring for yourself on 151 00:07:03,199 --> 00:07:06,639 the emotional level as well as the body level, the 152 00:07:06,639 --> 00:07:10,000 intellectual, the mental, the spiritual level, like all of the 153 00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:13,040 different areas that we need to be honoring ourselves and 154 00:07:13,040 --> 00:07:14,000 supporting ourselves. 155 00:07:14,160 --> 00:07:18,319 So I think a lot of us are, you know, hoping that the decision 156 00:07:18,319 --> 00:07:20,319 is going to bring the confidence, right? 157 00:07:20,480 --> 00:07:23,040 Certainty happens first, confidence happens first. 158 00:07:23,120 --> 00:07:24,639 I talked about this on the previous episode. 159 00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:27,199 Confidence is an identity that we hold. 160 00:07:27,439 --> 00:07:32,240 So what you are trying to get from the decision, it's a taking 161 00:07:32,240 --> 00:07:35,199 energy versus I'm a confident person, I don't know how it's 162 00:07:35,199 --> 00:07:35,680 going to work out. 163 00:07:35,759 --> 00:07:38,319 Like I just said, like in my little post-it, I don't know the 164 00:07:38,319 --> 00:07:40,959 outcome and I'm trusting God in myself always. 165 00:07:41,120 --> 00:07:42,560 And I'm moving forward. 166 00:07:42,800 --> 00:07:47,439 And so when we are trying to make a decision to feel 167 00:07:47,439 --> 00:07:51,279 confident versus feeling confident first and then making 168 00:07:51,279 --> 00:07:53,759 that decision, you're never going to get confidence from 169 00:07:53,759 --> 00:07:54,800 something outside of you. 170 00:07:54,959 --> 00:07:58,720 And I think what we all need more of is more confidence, more 171 00:07:58,720 --> 00:08:01,120 love, more self-trust for ourselves. 172 00:08:01,279 --> 00:08:05,759 When you trust yourself, when you love yourself so much, when 173 00:08:05,759 --> 00:08:08,879 you are your biggest advocate, you know that you'll figure it 174 00:08:08,879 --> 00:08:08,959 out. 175 00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:12,720 You'll know that no matter what comes your way, you're gonna 176 00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:13,360 figure it out. 177 00:08:13,519 --> 00:08:16,480 You'll adjust, you'll learn, you'll make another decision, 178 00:08:16,639 --> 00:08:18,879 and you're going to treat yourself kindly. 179 00:08:18,959 --> 00:08:22,000 Like this is, I think, really important to take away here. 180 00:08:22,319 --> 00:08:25,839 Treating how you treat yourself after the decision or the 181 00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:27,839 outcome has happened is everything. 182 00:08:28,079 --> 00:08:29,040 You have a choice. 183 00:08:29,199 --> 00:08:30,079 You have a decision. 184 00:08:30,240 --> 00:08:33,519 If you are someone who is used to beating yourself up, then of 185 00:08:33,519 --> 00:08:36,080 course we're not gonna want to make a decision because we know 186 00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:39,600 how terrible it feels when we beat ourselves up and when we 187 00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:40,960 are our harshest critic. 188 00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:44,080 But if you were someone who is cultivating more love for 189 00:08:44,080 --> 00:08:46,399 themselves, more self-trust, and be like, you know what? 190 00:08:46,559 --> 00:08:48,080 No matter what, I'm gonna love you anyway. 191 00:08:48,240 --> 00:08:50,159 No matter what I'm gonna say, you know what? 192 00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:51,200 I support you. 193 00:08:51,360 --> 00:08:52,799 You acted on your intuition. 194 00:08:52,879 --> 00:08:53,600 I'm here for you. 195 00:08:53,759 --> 00:08:54,799 What did we learn? 196 00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:57,759 What can we take away from this and move forward? 197 00:08:57,919 --> 00:09:01,120 Like that changes the way that we make our decisions. 198 00:09:01,279 --> 00:09:05,039 When you know that you're no longer going to beat yourself up 199 00:09:05,120 --> 00:09:08,639 and you're gonna be there for yourself, you're more likely 200 00:09:08,639 --> 00:09:12,080 going to make decisions and make when I say quicker, what I just 201 00:09:12,080 --> 00:09:14,799 mean is like from when your intuition talks to you or 202 00:09:14,799 --> 00:09:18,320 however you hear or sense or feel your intuition, and when 203 00:09:18,320 --> 00:09:21,519 you receive those downloads and then you make the decision, 204 00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:21,840 right? 205 00:09:21,919 --> 00:09:26,320 I think a lot of times we don't close the gap, meaning from when 206 00:09:26,320 --> 00:09:29,200 we receive our intuition and our downloads to when we actually 207 00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:33,039 take the action, because we are afraid of how we're going to 208 00:09:33,039 --> 00:09:34,000 treat ourselves. 209 00:09:34,320 --> 00:09:37,519 We know that we aren't going to speak so kindly to ourselves. 210 00:09:37,600 --> 00:09:41,840 We know we're gonna spend maybe a week in shame versus, oh, 211 00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:44,960 okay, well, that didn't work, or it didn't work the way I thought 212 00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:45,279 it would. 213 00:09:45,360 --> 00:09:46,399 Okay, I'm moving on. 214 00:09:46,559 --> 00:09:51,759 So the goal here is to be the woman who trusts herself and who 215 00:09:51,759 --> 00:09:55,120 loves herself unconditionally, regardless of the outcome. 216 00:09:55,279 --> 00:09:59,360 And I think that for a lot of us, that's actually what our 217 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:04,399 sole lesson is here is how can we be our biggest advocate and 218 00:10:04,399 --> 00:10:07,759 supporter and the person that we rely on and trust ourselves, not 219 00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:10,879 that we don't receive support, but like that we listen to 220 00:10:10,879 --> 00:10:12,720 ourselves above everybody else. 221 00:10:12,879 --> 00:10:15,679 I think also, you know, indecision is a decision. 222 00:10:15,840 --> 00:10:18,480 When we aren't making a decision, that's a decision. 223 00:10:18,639 --> 00:10:21,360 So, and there is or are costs to that. 224 00:10:21,519 --> 00:10:26,080 Think about like the energetic exchange or the energetic 225 00:10:26,080 --> 00:10:30,159 overload or the energetic, the image that's coming to my mind 226 00:10:30,240 --> 00:10:33,519 is just like this heavy cloud that hangs over us when we 227 00:10:33,519 --> 00:10:36,799 haven't taken action, when we know we have received the 228 00:10:36,799 --> 00:10:37,919 downloads to do it. 229 00:10:38,080 --> 00:10:42,240 Think about how your momentum slows, your mental bandwidth, 230 00:10:42,399 --> 00:10:45,360 you're constantly thinking about that, you're going back to that. 231 00:10:45,440 --> 00:10:49,279 It's something that you're spending energy on, time on, 232 00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:50,639 emotion, right? 233 00:10:50,879 --> 00:10:51,919 Emotions on. 234 00:10:52,159 --> 00:10:55,600 So when you are waiting, you have to start asking yourself, 235 00:10:55,840 --> 00:10:57,200 what is the resistance here? 236 00:10:57,360 --> 00:10:59,440 Am I afraid to make a decision? 237 00:10:59,679 --> 00:11:02,559 Is it because I'm afraid of how I'm gonna treat myself? 238 00:11:02,720 --> 00:11:06,399 Is this an old story coming up from my dad when I was 10 of 239 00:11:06,399 --> 00:11:09,200 like I did something and I messed up and I got really, you 240 00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:10,399 know, in trouble for it? 241 00:11:10,480 --> 00:11:14,000 And that you really have to start digging into this deeper 242 00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:16,639 and be like, what is the resistance for me making a 243 00:11:16,639 --> 00:11:16,960 decision? 244 00:11:17,120 --> 00:11:20,159 Sometimes it's as simple as I just don't have enough 245 00:11:20,159 --> 00:11:20,879 information yet. 246 00:11:20,960 --> 00:11:24,879 And you got to be very clear and onto yourself about this because 247 00:11:24,879 --> 00:11:26,720 sometimes that's actually factual. 248 00:11:26,879 --> 00:11:28,320 Like, I don't have enough information. 249 00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:31,440 I actually do need a couple more questions answered for me to 250 00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:32,080 make a decision. 251 00:11:32,159 --> 00:11:36,480 And sometimes that can be very sneaky of avoiding making a 252 00:11:36,480 --> 00:11:36,879 decision. 253 00:11:37,120 --> 00:11:40,559 So here you go back to like you will only know because it's your 254 00:11:40,559 --> 00:11:43,679 body and you have to slow down long enough to get into it, to 255 00:11:43,679 --> 00:11:46,320 feel into it, to see where that is coming from. 256 00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:49,039 But sometimes it's like I actually don't have enough data. 257 00:11:49,120 --> 00:11:51,679 Like I talked to someone the other day and I was like, I'm a 258 00:11:51,679 --> 00:11:54,000 yes, but there's some things that we need to do 259 00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:57,919 foundationally first before we take, you know, where you guys 260 00:11:57,919 --> 00:11:58,720 want to go with this. 261 00:11:58,879 --> 00:12:00,879 And so sometimes that is the answer. 262 00:12:01,039 --> 00:12:04,480 Sometimes the answer is someone's telling me that I need 263 00:12:04,480 --> 00:12:05,919 to do this, but I don't really want to. 264 00:12:06,080 --> 00:12:08,639 My intuition's saying no, not to make this decision. 265 00:12:08,720 --> 00:12:11,919 You know, maybe it's you have been abdicating responsibility 266 00:12:11,919 --> 00:12:14,480 to an advisor for so long and they're suggesting you do 267 00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:16,879 something, and you're like, I don't actually want to do that. 268 00:12:17,039 --> 00:12:20,000 And the resistance is I need to actually stand up and say, I 269 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:20,879 don't want to do this. 270 00:12:21,039 --> 00:12:22,639 And that's why that's coming up. 271 00:12:22,799 --> 00:12:26,320 Like there's so many different reasons why we aren't making 272 00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:27,039 decisions. 273 00:12:27,200 --> 00:12:30,960 Some of it is because we are afraid, some of it is because 274 00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:32,879 it's not in alignment with who we are. 275 00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:36,000 Sometimes it's because of how we're gonna treat ourselves 276 00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:36,799 after the fact. 277 00:12:36,960 --> 00:12:39,440 And sometimes it's like, I actually just need more data. 278 00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:41,919 And sometimes making the decision will give you more 279 00:12:41,919 --> 00:12:42,399 data, right? 280 00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:43,679 Like that happens a lot too. 281 00:12:43,840 --> 00:12:47,279 But I know for me, because I've gotten so clear on what I want 282 00:12:47,279 --> 00:12:50,879 and where I'm moving towards and what my expectations are, it's 283 00:12:50,879 --> 00:12:54,559 me asking a little bit deeper questions to get some 284 00:12:54,559 --> 00:12:58,080 information to then get that intuitive download or that hit. 285 00:12:58,320 --> 00:13:02,320 So just think about when you are, and the term that gets used 286 00:13:02,320 --> 00:13:04,559 or thrown around a lot is decision fatigue, right? 287 00:13:04,720 --> 00:13:06,960 Decision fatigue and making a bunch of decisions. 288 00:13:07,039 --> 00:13:10,240 And then decision fatigue, I think of like not making 289 00:13:10,240 --> 00:13:13,039 decisions or being in that indecision place. 290 00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:17,440 So just allowing yourself to, I think from an energetic 291 00:13:17,440 --> 00:13:21,279 standpoint, like how can you free up more energy and more 292 00:13:21,440 --> 00:13:22,799 like feel lighter? 293 00:13:22,960 --> 00:13:25,759 It's like make a decision, then you will get data. 294 00:13:25,919 --> 00:13:31,919 So things that or questions that you can ponder on this week if 295 00:13:31,919 --> 00:13:35,440 we are attached to a decision or we're making a decision means 296 00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:38,639 something about us, like what am I making this decision mean 297 00:13:38,639 --> 00:13:39,840 about me as a person? 298 00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:42,240 Like those two things should be completely detached. 299 00:13:42,399 --> 00:13:43,759 If they aren't, start there. 300 00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:46,080 What outcome am I most afraid of? 301 00:13:46,320 --> 00:13:50,559 Outcome and also what am I like afraid of treating myself if I 302 00:13:50,559 --> 00:13:53,120 make this decision and it doesn't work out the way I think 303 00:13:53,120 --> 00:13:56,399 it should, the way that the mind thinks it should, what am I most 304 00:13:56,399 --> 00:13:56,879 afraid of? 305 00:13:57,039 --> 00:14:00,879 Do I trust myself to handle whatever happens next? 306 00:14:01,120 --> 00:14:04,320 And will I love myself no matter what the outcome is? 307 00:14:04,480 --> 00:14:06,720 I think the other thing too here, and I want to do a couple 308 00:14:06,720 --> 00:14:09,519 of podcasts on this, is the relationship that you have with 309 00:14:09,519 --> 00:14:09,679 God. 310 00:14:09,919 --> 00:14:11,279 I've always been a spiritual person. 311 00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:14,000 I haven't been religious because I think that there's a whole 312 00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:16,879 conditioning there, but I really truly believe in God. 313 00:14:17,039 --> 00:14:20,720 I believe in his power, I believe in so much of that 314 00:14:20,720 --> 00:14:21,519 spiritualness. 315 00:14:21,679 --> 00:14:25,279 And I think a lot of us believe in that, but I don't know if we 316 00:14:25,279 --> 00:14:26,399 move from that place. 317 00:14:26,559 --> 00:14:29,519 I think, like I talked about in my previous episode, like we 318 00:14:29,519 --> 00:14:34,000 think of it in theory, but if someone truly has faith, if 319 00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:37,440 someone truly believes in God, you would take the action. 320 00:14:37,679 --> 00:14:42,240 And so really start to question like, what is my level of faith? 321 00:14:42,399 --> 00:14:45,440 What is my level of connection to God? 322 00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:49,200 And, you know, am I moving from that place or am I thinking 323 00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:52,559 about this in theory, but I'm not actually embodying it and 324 00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:54,080 taking action from that place? 325 00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:58,399 Okay, so, and I'll leave you this with this is that one of 326 00:14:58,399 --> 00:15:01,759 the biggest shifts that I've experienced in my life over the 327 00:15:01,759 --> 00:15:05,200 last six or seven years is realizing that self-trust is not 328 00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:08,000 built by making and there are no perfect decisions. 329 00:15:08,159 --> 00:15:13,120 It's by just making decisions and then handling what comes 330 00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:13,440 next. 331 00:15:13,679 --> 00:15:16,240 And every decision that I've made has taught me something. 332 00:15:16,399 --> 00:15:17,600 It has given me data. 333 00:15:17,759 --> 00:15:22,240 It has strengthened my ability to trust myself to love myself 334 00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:23,279 at a deeper level. 335 00:15:23,440 --> 00:15:25,360 And I think that that's what leadership is about. 336 00:15:25,519 --> 00:15:28,720 It's not about being perfect, which doesn't even exist. 337 00:15:28,879 --> 00:15:30,639 It's not about having all of the answers. 338 00:15:30,799 --> 00:15:34,559 It's about certainty within yourself, within your faith in 339 00:15:34,559 --> 00:15:38,320 God, moving forward, even, you know, not knowing the outcome. 340 00:15:38,399 --> 00:15:39,600 It's about trusting yourself. 341 00:15:39,679 --> 00:15:42,480 It's about loving yourself and moving forward, even when you 342 00:15:42,480 --> 00:15:43,360 don't have all the answers. 343 00:15:43,440 --> 00:15:46,159 Because I really truly believe that our business moves at the 344 00:15:46,159 --> 00:15:50,720 speed of what our nervous system feels safe to move at, and also 345 00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:54,639 at the level or the quantity of our actions, right? 346 00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:56,639 Like how often are we making decisions? 347 00:15:56,799 --> 00:15:59,279 I shouldn't say quantity of our actions, the quantity of our 348 00:15:59,279 --> 00:15:59,919 decisions, right? 349 00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:03,679 If we are making decisions on a more frequent basis, we are 350 00:16:03,679 --> 00:16:06,559 gathering more data and we are learning more about ourselves. 351 00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:11,440 So I thank you for being here for spending your time with me. 352 00:16:11,679 --> 00:16:14,000 And I'll see you in the next episode.