181 | What to Do When Everything Feels Urgent

Speaker A: There were days in my leadership when I would arrive at work with a perfectly good plan for my day. I knew what I needed to get done. And I had my priorities. I had my little list of things or my long list of things, and I was absolutely going to accomplish them that day. And by 9:30 in the morning, that plan was completely gone. Someone needed to speak to me. Something had happened with a staff member, a parent needed an answer. There was an email I apparently needed to respond to right now. Someone needed me to make a decision. And then someone would pop their head into my office and say, do you have five minutes? Which, as every leader knows, is very rarely just five minutes. And before I knew it, I was moving from one thing to the next. Solving problems, answering questions, helping people, putting out, uh, little fires or even big fires. And by lunchtime, I realized I haven't actually done any of the things I thought I was going to do that specific day, the things that I had planned with my day. Now, I used to think that this was just leadership. I used to think, okay, to some extent, this is it. This is basically what I have to do. I have to manage all the things for everybody, um, because that's just my job. Leadership involves people, and people are, are wonderfully unpredictable. But I also started to realize that I had developed a habit of treating whatever was directly in front of me as the most important thing. Now, that person popping into your office saying, do you have five minutes? You treat that as the most important thing. And, um, if someone said it was urgent, it became urgent to me. If someone was stressed, I felt like I needed to solve that problem. If something landed on my desk, I assumed it required my attention immediately. And that was a really, really exhausting way to lead. Because when everything feels urgent, you stop deciding what deserves your attention. Urgency starts deciding for you. So that's what I want to talk to you about today. Um, what do you do when everything feels urgent? How do you work out what actually needs your attention? What can wait, what belongs to someone else? And perhaps most importantly, how do you stay calm enough to know the difference? Welcome to the Women of Faith in Leadership podcast, where faith and leadership come together.

Speaker B: I'm Reka Whelan, and each week you'll discover biblical wisdom and practical leadership strategies

Speaker A: to help you lead with confidence and honour God in every area of your leadership. Let's get started. Okay, so let's talk about this, because I don't actually think this is a time management problem. I want to make that very clear. I really don't Think that this is about time management. We can get so stuck in time management and needing to go and do time management courses. And I know because I'm speaking from experience, yes, time management does matter. But you can make your lists, you can block out your calendar, you can choose your three priorities for the day. All of that is helpful. But then people happen. Leadership happen. Someone calls in sick. A team member comes into your office upset, something hasn't been done. A, ah, deadline changes, a parent or a client wants an answer or is unhappy. Someone sends you an email with the word urgent, uh, in capital letters, which apparently means whatever you were doing five seconds ago no longer matters. And suddenly your beautifully planned day isn't beautifully planned anymore. So I think this is less about becoming better at managing your time, and, um, it's actually more about becoming better at discernment. Because there's a really important difference between this needs my attention and this needs my attention right now. And when we're under pressure, those two things can start to feel exactly the same. Someone else's urgency doesn't have to become yours. I think this is particularly difficult for caring leaders, which I know you guys are, because if someone comes to you visibly stressed, it's very easy to absorb that stress. It's easy to meet them where they're at with their stress levels. They would say things like, uh, I really need this. I need you to help me. Okay, then, you know, something inside you goes, okay, then I need to sort this out. They need an answer. You feel you need to provide it. They're anxious. You become anxious. They're frustrated. Now you're trying to fix the thing that's making them frustrated, uh, and suddenly their emotional state is driving your leadership. I've had to learn that you do not have to absorb someone else's urgency. So in order to care about them. And I think that is a really, really important point. You can care about someone and still say, let me think about it. You can listen to a problem without immediately solving it. You can receive an email without immediately responding to it. You can acknowledge someone's frustration without rearranging your entire day to remove it. That is not uncaring. That is actually leadership. Because if every emotion around you becomes someone or something you need to respond to immediately, you will spend your entire leadership life reacting. And there's a huge difference between being responsive and being like a responsive leader than being a reactive leader. I don't think I always understood that. If I look at my leadership now, I realize that no, uh, a lot of the Times I were reactive. I thought good leadership meant being available all the time. And yes, you do need availability, but you need availability with the boundaries, okay? Because availability without boundaries can very quickly become interruption. An interruption without discernment becomes chaos. Then you think, is it urgent or are you just uncomfortable? And then there's another kind of urgency that I don't think we talk about enough. Sometimes the situation isn't urgent at all. We're just uncomfortable. Um, like I just mentioned, is it urgent or are we uncomfortable? Because being uncomfortable is different. You receive an email that annoys you. You want to immediately respond. You can already feel yourself typing a little bit harder, maybe deleting a sentence, putting it back in again, adding another paragraph, because apparently they need the full context. Believe me, I've been there. And in those moments, everything inside you can tell you, I need to deal with this now. But guess what? You probably don't. You probably don't need to deal with it right now. Sometimes the wisest thing you can do is to close the email, go and make a cup of coffee or tea, pray about it, and go and do something else, and then come back to it when you're not trying to lead from a place of frustration. Because that's not avoidance. And I want to make that distinction because, you know, I talk a lot about not avoiding difficult things. Waiting because you're afraid to address something is very different from waiting because you want to address it wisely. One is avoidance, and the other one is preparation. James 1:19 says, Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. Quick is to listen. Okay, Slow is to speak. There's a space in there, and sometimes that little space is exactly what we need to move from reaction to wisdom. Jesus was incredibly difficult to rush. Think about the fact that he was sleeping on the boat when there was a big storm going. The disciples could not believe that he was sleeping, but he was slow to rush. He addressed what he needed to address, and then he carried on. Something I've, uh, always found fascinating about Jesus is how difficult he was to rush. Think about it. There were people everywhere who needed something from him. People wanted healing. Crowds followed him. His disciples had questions. People interrupted him. People challenged him. People wanted answers. There were enormous need around him. And yet, when you read through the Gospels, Jesus doesn't seem frantic. Other people are frantic, but not Jesus. And I find that incredibly challenging as a leader. Because Jesus didn't allow the emotional temperature around him to determine his internal temperature. He knew his assignment. He knew when to stop. He knew when to move, he knew when to withdrew, and he knew when to respond. And he knew when someone else's urgency didn't change what he was called to do. That's the kind of leadership that I want to strive towards. Not leadership that never has pressure. No, that is unrealistic. But rather leadership that can experience pressure without immediately becoming pressured. You don't have to answer immediately to be or to even feel confident. And this brings me to something else. You know, sometimes I think we associate confident leadership with having quick answers. Someone asks you something, and you should just know the answer. Someone needs a decision, and you should make it. Someone challenges something, and you should immediately be able to respond. But I don't think speed is the mark of confident leadership. I think that discernment is sometimes a confident response sounds like, you know what, I need to think about it, or I want to look at the information before I make a decision, or let me pray about that, and I'll come back to you tomorrow. I know in all leadership positions, we can't say that we're gonna go and pray about it, but then come up with an excuse so that you can go and pray about it. You can also Simply say you're 100% allowed to say, you know what, I don't have an answer for you right now, but I will get back to you on that one. That is 100% okay. But I think we're so scared to say I don't know the answer right now because you're scared that you look incompetent. Well, I think you look more incompetent when you give a silly answer because you just want to give an answer quick versus actually making an informed answer decision. And actually, this is something I teach a lot when it comes to difficult conversations, too, because so much of our anxiety around those conversations come from feeling like we have to know exactly what to say in the moment. But guess what? We don't. Preparation gives us space. When you're already thought about what actually happened, what's the real issue? What needs to change? What am I responsible for in communicating? What outcome am I hoping for? You don't have to work all of that out while somebody is sitting across the table from you. And that's really the philosophy behind my Confident Conversation blueprint. I created it because I don't believe that confidence comes from becoming a naturally bold or assertive person. I'm not going to teach you how to wake up one morning and then, boom, um, all of a sudden you feel confident. No. A huge Amount of confidence comes from preparation. Knowing what needs to be said, knowing how you want to approach it, having language available to you, and being prayerfully prepared before you walk into that room. I'll tell you more about the blueprint a little bit later, but I wanted you to note the connection here. Preparation reduces unnecessary urgency because you're no longer trying to figure everything out while you're under pressure. Because does this actually require you? There's another question that I think every single leader needs to become comfortable asking. Does this actually require me? Because sometimes everything feels urgent because everything has somehow become ours. As a leader, there's a problem, I'll solve it. So someone isn't sure what to do. I'll tell them something hasn't been completed, I'll finish it. Someone is overwhelmed, then what? I'll take on more. I'll take off stuff from their plate and put it on my own. And before long, you're carrying an enormous amount of work while wondering why your team isn't making or taking more ownership. We spoke earlier about or in, um, recently in an episode, we spoke about whether you're helping your team grow or keeping them dependent. And I think the two issues are really, really connected. Because if you've trained everyone to bring their problems to you, then of course the day is going to be urgent. Uh, from morning till afternoon, you have become the place where every problem lands, the place where every problem needs solving. So, something, or sometimes, instead of answering the question, ask one. What do you think we should do? Or what have you tried already? What options have you considered? Who do you think needs to take responsibility for this? Or you can even say, you don't need me to make that decision. I trust you to make it. That is not abandoning your team. That's developing them. Your role isn't to become the answer to every problem. Your role, however, is to develop every person who can think, take responsibility, and make wise decisions, too. And here's where I see this play out. With difficult conversations. Sometimes we do the complete opposite. We don't address something that we should. We notice the behavior and we let it go. It happens again, and we think, I'll see how it goes. But then it happens again. We're getting frustrated now, but we still don't say anything. And then one more thing happens, and suddenly, that's it. I'm dealing with this today. Have you done that? Because I certainly know that feeling. The problem is that now you're not having the conversation simply because it's the appropriate time to address it. Now you're having it because you've reached your emotional limit. You're going to walk into that room all frustrated and the frustration has accumulated while you've been avoiding the situation. That is why I am so passionate about preparation and so passionate about you not avoiding difficult conversations. I know. I know that you don't like having these conversations. I know that you also don't want to have these conversations when you finally had enough. You don't want it to build up. But there is actually a middle ground. You can say this needs addressing and then prepare yourself to address it well. You can clarify the actual issue, separate the facts from your frustration, decide what needs to change, think about what you need to say, pray about your approach, and then have that conversation. Because that is what confident leadership is. Not avoidance, not reaction, but preparation. And if you're listening to this thinking, okay, Rika, there's actually a conversation that I need to have, then this is exactly what the Confident Conversation blueprint was designed to help you to do. I don't just hand you a script and send you into the conversation, send you to the. Send you off to the wolves. No, the blueprint helps you work through that preparation first, identifying the issue, clarifying what actually needs to be addressed, deciding what needs to be said, preparing for how the other person might respond, and then walking into the conversation with a clear pathway. And then you also have the ready to use scripts and practical language for those real leadership or conversational moments when knowing how to phrase something can make a big, big difference. So you're not just preparing the conversation, but you're also preparing yourself. So if you want to find out more about this Confident conversation blueprint, just go to womenoffaithinleadership.com conversation now, there's one final thing I want us to think about. And actually, I think this is the heart of the episode. You have to decide what matters before the day decides for you. Because there will always be another email. There will always be another request, there will always be another problem, There will always be somebody who wants an answer. And if you don't know what matters, the loudest thing will win. So perhaps we need to change the question we ask at the beginning of the day. Instead of how am I going to get all of this done? We might rather ask God what actually needs my leadership today. Lord, show me today what I need to focus on. And this is a question that I really like. I like it much better than how am I going to get this all done? How am I going to do this all? I do not have enough energy or enough power to do all of this? What actually needs my attention today? What needs my attention? What can wait? What belongs to somebody else? What am I carrying because I'm afraid of disappointing somebody? What am I rushing because I'm uncomfortable? And what are you actually asking me to lead, Lord? Proverbs 3, 5, 6 says, Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, submit m to him and he will make your paths straight. We tend to pull that verse out of the enormous out, you know, for those enormous decisions, the career change, the move, the big opportunity. But I think we need it at 9:30 on a Tuesday morning too. When the inbox is full, someone is waiting for an answer you plan for your day is absolutely disappearing. And everyone seems to need something, something, Lord, what matters here? Give me wisdom. Um, show me what needs my attention and what does not. Because the thing shouting the loudest isn't necessarily the thing God is asking you to focus on. And learning to recognize that difference can completely change the way you lead. So if everything feels urgent at the moment, I don't want to give you another complicated productivity system. No. Instead I want to give you a few questions that you can have with you this week. Does this actually need to happen right now? Does this actually require me? Am I responding from wisdom or from a place of reacting to pressure? And then what actually needs my leadership today? You don't have to match the urgency of everyone around you and you certainly do not need to treat everyone request like an emergency. And you don't have to carry every problem simply because somebody handed it to you. Pause, pray, discern and then respond. And if one of the things that genuinely does need your leadership is a difficult conversation you've been postponing, don't wait until it becomes a crisis. Start preparing for it right now. That's what the Confident Conversation blueprint is there to help you with. You can find it@womenofaithinleadership.com conversation because calm leadership isn't passive leadership. It's knowing the difference between what is loud, what is urgent, what actually matters. And I want you to lead with wisdom and I want you to go and seek the wisdom of the Lord as you step into your leadership day to day. Today, let's pray together. Dear Lord, I want to bring these women of faith that are in leadership to you, Lord. I want to pray that when everything feels urgent, Lord, that you will help them discern what needs their attention now, what needs their attention later. What is the thing that you would like them to focus on today. I pray, Lord, that you will help them in their leadership. Because leadership is so tough, Lord. And every single day people are coming at us. They're questioning our decisions, they're making us feel inadequate. But Lord, we seek our adequacy and our leadership only from you. We don't need to hear other people's voices in our minds. We don't need to constantly repeat these conversations that we've had. But Lord, what we do need is you. We need your discernment, we need your wisdom, and we need your love. And I pray this over each and every leader who is listening to this episode today. May you bless them, may you keep them, and may you be with them every single day of their lives. In Jesus name, Amen. Well, I can't wait to chat with you in the next episode and I hope you all have a blessed week and I'll see you soon. Bye.

Speaker B: Hey, I hope you enjoyed today's episode. If so, would you take 30 seconds and leave me a five star written review on Apple Podcasts? It would mean so much to me

Speaker A: to read your feedback.

Speaker B: Also, it would really bless me big if you shared this episode with a fellow leader who might benefit from hearing today's message. And remember, put on the armor of God daily and walk by faith and not by sight site. I'll meet you back on Monday for another episode.