Avoiding Difficult Conversations Is Hurting Your Leadership Skills

Lindsey White: And here's what I've learned. After years of coaching founders and leadership teams, the conversations that make us the most uncomfortable are often the conversations that matter the most. But here's the hard truth. The conversation isn't the problem. Avoiding it is.

Lindsey White: Welcome to the People side of Business, the podcast for female founders learning how to lead, manage, and scale a team with confidence. I'm Lindsey White, leadership coach, team strategist, and fractional HR expert. And each week we tackle the real leadership challenges business owners face every day. From difficult conversations and employee performance issues to hiring mistakes, team dynamics, and building a workplace culture that actually supports business growth. Because the truth is, nobody teaches founders

Lindsey White: how to lead people when their business starts to grow.

Lindsey White: And figuring it out the hard way can be exhausting. This show is here to change all that. So if you're ready to become a stronger leader, make better people decisions, and build a business that doesn't depend on you carrying everything alone, you're in the right place. Let's do this.

Lindsey White: This is the conversation you've been avoiding. You know the one. It's the one you've replayed in your head over a dozen times. The one that pops into your mind when you're trying to fall asleep or when you're wide awake at 3am the one that's quietly draining your energy, frustrating your team, and taking far more space in your head than you'll ever admit. Maybe it's a conversation with an employee who's underperforming or isn't taking accountability. Maybe it's a conversation about expectations that aren't being met. It's a conversation that you've been putting off because you genuinely care about the person involved. And here's what I've learned. After years of coaching founders and leadership teams, the conversations that make us the most uncomfortable are often the conversations that matter the most. But here's the hard truth. The conversation isn't the problem. Avoiding it is. Because, uh, avoiding difficult conversations doesn't protect relationships. It damages them. It damages trust. It damages performance. And it slowly erodes your confidence and credibility as a leader. Today, we're talking about one of the most important leadership skills you'll ever develop. How to manage employees and have difficult, crunchy conversations with clarity, confidence, and care. Welcome to the People side of business. Hello, my friend. I'm so glad you're here. Last week, we talked about one of my core beliefs. The businesses don't grow because of great products or services. They don't grow because of slick marketing. Businesses grow because of great leadership. And High performing teams. And today, I want to talk about one of the places leadership really becomes visible, and that's during difficult conversations. Now, let me start by saying something really important. If difficult conversations make you uncomfortable, you're not alone. In fact, one of the most common founder challenges I see is avoiding those difficult or crunchy conversations with our teams. Not because as leaders, we don't care, not because we don't know there's a problem, but because we're worried about the consequences. We're worried about damaging relationships or hurting someone's feelings, or about creating even more conflict. And yet, after years of coaching founders and leadership teams, I've noticed something fascinating. The leaders who build the highest performing teams aren't having fewer of these crunchy conversations. They're actually having more. And they're having them sooner because they've learned something many leaders haven't, and that is the avoidance is expensive. So one of the biggest myths in leadership is that, uh, difficult conversations actually damage the relationship. And in my experience, the opposite is true. It's when we avoid difficult conversations that relationships are compromised. Because when expectations aren't clear, when feedback isn't given, when accountability isn't addressed, trust starts to erode and resentment starts to build and the frustration starts to grow. And eventually everyone feels the tension of the conversation that isn't happening. This is especially true when it comes to employee performance issues. Most founders spend so much time worrying about the cost of having the conversation, they never stop to calculate the cost of avoiding it. And trust me, there is always a cost. So let me give you an example. I, uh, worked with a founder quite recently who was dealing with one of these common leadership challenges that I see all the time. She had a team member who was consistently underperforming. Now, if this had been a straightforward professional relationship, perhaps the conversation would have been difficult enough. But there was history there. There was a relationship there that existed outside of their business relationship. So there was real, genuine care for the person. And because of that, she kept putting the conversation off. She didn't want to hurt the person's feelings. She didn't want to create tension. She didn't want to damage the relationship. I think a lot of us can respect that. So this founder waited and waited and waited. And meanwhile, deadlines were slipping, deliverables were being missed, work was having to be redone, clients were ultimately being impacted, and the founder was spending an enormous amount of time fixing problems that should never have existed in the first place. So the emotional cost was significant, and the business impact was significant. And Ironically, the relationship she was trying to protect was actually becoming strained because nobody was talking about what actually mattered. And this is where many founders get stuck. I see this all the time. They think they're protecting the relationship, but what they're really protecting is their own discomfort. And leadership requires us to move beyond that eventually. We prepared for the conversation. So my client and I prepared very carefully. We planned, we focused on clarity, we focused on being kind and respectful, we focused on the real facts. And yes, the conversation was emotional, it was difficult, it was crunchy, but it was also really productive because finally they had what they needed, which was clarity.

Lindsey White: If this conversation is actually hitting a

Lindsey White: little too close to home, if you're feeling really stretched thin or stuck in a busy trap and you're wondering how much longer you can keep running like this, it's time for a reset, my friend. And that's exactly why I offer my spark sessions.

Lindsey White: This is a focused 60 minute strategy

Lindsey White: session where we dig into what's really going on for you in your business and your leadership and we start to build a path forward that actually feels sustainable.

Lindsey White: So if you're ready to stop spinning

Lindsey White: and start leading with more clarity, energy and intention, this is really your next step. So you can head to the link in the show notes to book your spark session. M right now. This is one of my favorite quotes, and it's a Brene Brown quote. And if you know me, you know how much I love Dr. Brown. Clear is kind. And I love that quote because it's absolutely true. But I think there's another side to it. Unclear is unkind. When expectations are unclear, people struggle. When the accountability is unclear, people struggle. When the feedback is unclear, people struggle. When leaders avoid crunchy conversations, their teams struggle. And this is why difficult conversations are not a, ah, leadership failure. They are a leadership responsibility. In fact, I would argue that learning how to manage employees effectively begins with learning how to have difficult conversations leaning in. Because leadership isn't about making people feel comfortable all the time. Leadership is about creating clarity. And clarity is what helps us create trust. So let's talk about how. Because you might be thinking, Lindsay, I don't know how to do these really well. And that's part of what makes me feel uncomfortable. And you're not alone there. Confidence as a leader doesn't come from avoiding these conversations. It comes from knowing how to navigate them successfully. And that's why I created the say the Thing script kit. It's a practical framework and real language that you can use for these difficult conversations. And this can be with your team. This can be with clients that are overstepping. This can be with colleagues, peers, um, anyone that you know you need to have a difficult conversation with. So there's four steps in this process. So first step, start the conversation confidently. You want to lead here with clarity. Not certainty, not perfection, just clarity. So before the conversation begins, you first of all, you need to regulate your own emotions. Take a deep breath, think about and focus on the outcomes you want. Where do you want this conversation to go? And remember, your job here isn't to win. Your job here is to lead. And you can start with some language as simple as, hey, I need to talk to you about something that's been on my mind. Do you have a minute? Is now a good time? Or you can say something like, hey, can we just pause for a second here? I think there's something important that we need to get clear on. It's simple, it's direct, it's respectful. Step number two, the mid conversation reset. So there is times when things start to go sideways, the emotion starts to enter the chat, people become a little defensive and the misunderstandings happen, right? The emotion gets high. And when this happens, you as a leader have a choice. You can react or you can reset. And here's what the reset sounds like. I think we may be misunderstanding each other. Can we pause for a moment? You could say something like, can I explain why this matters before we keep going? This type of language keeps everyone connected to the purpose of the conversation and just gives you an opportunity to reground what you're talking about. Step number three in this process is all about getting buy in. So my friends, great leaders don't lecture, they engage. They ask questions like, how did that land for you? What are your thoughts? What am I missing here? And this creates space for an incredible dialogue. And the dialogue creates ownership with your team member or your peer or your client. And the most important factor here is that you listen. You use your ears and your mouth in the proportion they exist on your face. Otherwise known as shut up and lean in. Number four. In this process, the fourth step is to bring it home. This is where leadership turns into action. Want to make sure that we're summarizing the conversation, we're confirming some agreements, we're clarifying some really important key next steps. So you could say something like, um, let's recap, what have we agreed on so far? Or maybe something like, let's check in on Friday and see how it's going. Those kinds of frames can be so valuable because they clarify next steps, they create communication channels and accountability. Because understanding is really important, but action is what changes the outcomes, my friends. So here's my challenge. After hearing these four steps, here's my challenge for you. I want you to identify the conversation that you need to have. You know, the one you've been carrying it, you've been avoiding it. It's the one that's taking up mental space, and it's the one that's keeping you frustrated and feeling overwhelmed. And, my friend, it's preventing progress. So what I want you to do is I want you to schedule it, get it in the calendar, and I want you to do that this week. Not when you're ready, not when you're comfortable, not when the timing is perfect. This week. Because every founder reaches a point where leadership becomes the growth strategy. And the difficult, crunchy conversations are often one of our very first tests. So if today's conversation resonated with you, uh, there's a couple things for you to do. Uh, you're going to book that chat that you've been avoiding, and then you're going to download the say the Thing script kit. I have designed it just to help you prepare for these conversations and navigate them with confidence. So then you're going to have the conversation and you're going to feel ready because the conversation you've been avoiding isn't the problem, really is the avoiding. The avoidance is the issue. And if you need support, you can reach out, send me a DM on LinkedIn, send me an email. And my friends, you could book a spark session. We can tackle this one problem and come up with the solution that you need, the language that you need in one hour. Because sometimes all you need is a sounding board, a strategy, and a little confidence to move forward. And you can find the links to do all of those things in the show. Note the say the Thing script kit to find me on LinkedIn and to book a spark session. We'll put all those links below for you. What I want you to remember, leadership isn't about avoiding discomfort. Leadership is moving through the discomfort with clarity, courage and care. The future of your business is shaped by these conversations and your willingness to have them.

Lindsey White: So thank you, my friend, for being here today. Thanks so much for listening to this episode of the People Sided. If this conversation resonated with you, make sure to subscribe to the show and share it with other founders in your world. And keep coming back each week for practical leadership strategies to help you lead, manage and scale your team with more confidence. And if you're sitting in the middle of people challenges right now, whether it's leadership, team dynamics, hiring, culture, or difficult conversations, and you're realizing you don't want to figure it out alone, I'd love to support you. You can book a leadership strategy session with me through the link in the show notes or@highvoltageleadership.ca. i'd love to hear what you learned from today's episode, so come connect with me on Instagram, ah, hivoltleadership, or on LinkedIn. And remember, the people side of business is the business.

Lindsey White: I'll see you next time.

Speaker C: M this podcast is produced, mixed and edited by Cardinal Studio. For more information about how to start your own podcast, please visit www.cardmostudio.co or email Mike at um mikeardnostudio. Co. You can also find the details in the Show Notes.