Mastering Networking: No Anxiety, Just Connections!

If we look at it from curiosity point of view, that person in front of you, learn as much as you can about them as a human being. Because if we've ever had to deal with a crappy client, if you got to know them as a human being first, we could likely save ourselves a lot of heartache or headache. And so I had a real fear when I started my first business of even handing out a business card. So I did everything wrong.

And what I realized was I was willing, because my goals and dreams were big enough, to find a way that worked for me. Most people, that fear never goes away. Hi, welcome to another episode. I'm your host, Brian Maddox.

With me today is Deline Allen from Networking Naturally. Welcome. Thank you so much. A treat to be here.

since we're both in the snowy land of Nova Scotia and Philadelphia. Indeed. And so we are doing our best to stay warm. And one of the best ways to do that is warm up the brain with some great conversation.

So if you could tell us a little bit more about what networking naturally means and how that works and kind of what you're up to, that'll help us set the stage for talking about marketing. Excellent. So if you remember as a kid in school, did anybody ever teach us how to become friends, how to do something like that? The part that kind of drives me crazy is now we see these t-shirts that say anti-bullying, but it still says bullying.

If it was make a friend, wouldn't that be easier? So there's lots of things, you know, different. CBC is Canadian Broadcasting Corporation. Talks about adults today really not knowing how to make a friend.

And so networking is in many ways kind of a dirty word for people. Making a new friend can also be just as intimidating. But if we look at it from curiosity point of view, that that person in front of you, learn as much as you can about them as a human being. Because if we've ever had to deal with a crappy client, if you got to know them as a human being first, we could likely save ourselves a lot of heartache or headache.

And so I had a real fear when I started my first business of even handing out a business card. So I did everything wrong. And what I realized was I was willing, because my goals and dreams were big enough, to find a way that worked for me. Most people, that fear never goes away.

so when i'm supposing you help clients with this yes yes um to make it more human and to actually make it enjoyable so not to not to be coy here but when people type that into google what are they typing in like i'm i need to make a friend like how does this no well how do you get there from here. Well, I actually need to get rid of, I need to rebrand because getting rid of the, the name networking, I am actually your con, sorry, I'm actually your connection concierge. Oh, got it.

Okay. So you're facilitating these connections. Exactly. Yeah.

I'm a matchmaker of sorts because most people don't even know really what to look for in order to build a network. And really from the first hello, Brian, until closing the sale, why are we connecting? First of all, I believe looking to make a connection with another human being is if you like each other and trust each other, business can happen organically. So if we take it from a different point of view, let me learn as much as I can about you and how could I help you.

It's a law of reciprocity. If I can help you, that's where the trust starts. And by looking at a relationship as opposed to transactional, you're going to love your life a whole lot more. And I truly believe business will grow.

You know what you send out until the lives of others can come back tenfold. So how do you manage, you know, I've heard of people in this business before, at least in that sort of that making connections. you know apart from the how do you monetize that which has got to be an interesting conversation in and of itself how do you grow that i mean it sounds like you have to by default grow it by referral does that make sense listen the way you're growing yeah if you were to google referral and the value of referrals because of trust and because that warm connection opens the doors much quicker.

So what most people don't do is don't have a strategic plan on how to actually grow a network. I mean, I love the book Atomic Habits because he says, you know, we can all have goals and dreams, but if you don't set a plan in action, how are you ever going to sustain it? And so many people will go to a networking event and they walk into, I believe, a room full of opportunity, but it's a lot of work because you don't know who they are. You don't know what they do.

You know, if somebody wore a pin or at least had, you know, branded apparel, you're making it easier for somebody to make a connection with you. But if you only go to a networking event once or twice a month, how are you ever going to get good at it? So I sort of backtrack and say, who is your ideal client? Who would that client see before or after you?

And let's start making those connections on whatever social media platform you're active on. Once you get connected with them, and there's some criteria that I do. If we're going to be strategic, I still want to like them as a human being. That is paramount.

It needs to be authentic. And this is one thing that I love AI, but it's not going to happen with my initial connections. That is the human part. You know, Brene Brown says human connection is what we crave.

But I like to get to know them on social media. I like to see what they're posting. I want to see, you know, does it align with my values? Do I, you know, is there something human about that person and how they're interacting?

And once I interact with that person and get to know them a little bit, because at one point it used to be three touch points, five touch points, seven, like you want to go, holy mackerel you know how do we do this And so again I make a new connection a day get to know that person and it in a system You know every couple of days I doing something More important once I get to know that person say look if you are looking to make some connections I going to three events next week Would you like to meet me there?

So I'm still going to the networking event. I'm bound to meet some new people, but I'll give you an example. I had an event before Christmas. I invited 10 people.

They won't all come. Even if they did, I'd invite all of those 10 people to meet each other and I'd get to meet them. And it saved me 10 coffee breaks. Gotcha.

So when it comes to really helping folks figure this out, you mentioned social media, which leads me to the natural next question. There is a strong contingent of folks that are pretty anti-social media. Yep. And so that leads to a question of like, how do you get those folks engaged?

Well, again, I built my first business without all of the social media platforms. What things do you follow? Like all Nova Scotia's wonderful business thing. So you could go in there and you look at the company or you look at the person in the company.

You can check websites, right? And so if that's a company you want to interact with, go to the website, see if there's photos of people, I always say, and see if they look like mugshots or look like they're actually happy to work there. And start reaching out to a couple of people, check and see if they have something on social media. If they don't, they're bound to have a bio on that website.

And again, targeting a company that deals with the same client either before or after you is so much more strategic. So you're going to have clients, of course, that have sort of neurological differences as well. They're developmentally in a different spot and networking nowadays is sort of fraught in a lot of people's minds with all of the charge that does come from social media. You know, getting face to face in a room with people is sometimes an anxiety inducing thing.

Have you had do you have strategies for helping your clients work through that kind of stuff? Oh, totally. Well, and things like conferences, things like, you know, again, before somebody walks into a room, that is totally, I mean, I was there. Like, literally, I was the worst networker in the whole wide world.

I would be like a card dealer in Las Vegas and just throw cards at people. You know, I'd collect them and then I'd get home and say, why did I do that? Okay. To gain a little bit more of a strategic plan.

But here's the other part. even reaching out on a social media platform, that can be intimidating. Totally. But if we look at it from the other point in another way, they wouldn't have the website if they didn't want to do business.

And so if a company's got a business development person, your odds are pretty good that person's going to get back to you. Gotcha. Yeah. So always play the game where there is the least amount of resistance or that where, you know, gain.

And it's like any muscle. If you made one new connection a day, that's five a week, 20 over the run of a month, and just start a conversation. But every time you've done something with that person, you're going to put ahead in your calendar a couple of days. Just go back and see what they're doing on social media.

You don't have to do a million. In fact, don't do a million. one a day. This even works for finding a job.

You know, pick out four or five companies. Don't reach out to the HR person. Reach out to the business development person because odds are they will talk to you. Okay.

And so there's a, I guess, a natural sort of challenge, right? Now you've got 20 new contacts a month. You know, I oftentimes don't remember to do like, Some basic stuff around the house and things like that. Curating 20 relationships sounds like a heck of a lot of work.

Well, if it gets written down, it gets done. So you have a plan and protocol for that as well? Exactly. Yep.

And here's the thing. I mean, if you go away on a week's vacation, it doesn't matter. But two things that I do every morning. I go in.

I find an interesting profile strategically in a profession that I know could likely use my health. So I make sure that they have a photograph that is reasonably recent. I have a friend, she's a mortgage broker, photo she loves that it's 20 years old. You get creeped out when she walks in the room and you go, that's not that picture, okay?

But do they, number one, do they have a photo? Number two, are they posting regularly? And do they have more than 500 connections? because when you start following that person, it's not one person.

It's at least 501 people. There are some criteria there. Yeah, yeah. I mean, if we're going to do this, we do it strategically.

I'll give you an example. I invited 10 people out to this networking event that I had met recently, and only five came. I mean, it was two weeks before Christmas. But I introduced the five people to each other, and then I introduced them to as many people as I knew, and that saved me so much time because those five people wanted to pick my brain.

They wanted to, you know, book me for a coffee and you want to go, my time's valuable. And one of them came up and said, this was the best coffee ever to lean because I watched you in action. Now I want to hire you. But I also made connections that I would not have made.

So if you're a person that needs to network, but the very thought of it creates anxiety, get the focus off you and pretend every person in that room's got a sign around their neck that says, make me feel important. So here's a couple of tips. Get to the networking early. Get to know the organizers.

Guess what the organizer's trying to do? They're trying to introduce you to people. Then that's where I would go in and I would say, help. I can help you set up.

I can help do anything, but I'm paranoid about networking. Could you help me meet some people? And if the organizers and they don't do that, well, you're never going back to that networking event again, are you? Second is when people walk in the door, go stand in the bar lineup because they're likely going to go get a drink.

And so you can talk to the person in front of you. Those are easy conversations. Or go stand by the food. To stand by the food because you really meet people who likely come in hungry and you can say now how does that taste and how does that taste It an easy conversation So if you put yourself in the right spot right But what I started to do in the beginning that was bad, I would come early.

I wouldn't even talk to the organization. I'd stand in the corner. That is not a way to make yourself look friendly. Brian, you said something very important about clothing.

You can have any color clothing on, but imagine if it had your logo. You just made everybody's life that much easier to say, oh my goodness, tell me about your company. It's very basic things, but you commented on my blue hair and my funky glasses. If I don't want to talk to you, you will not see me.

I'll have a hat and I won't wear glasses, okay? Because when I go, man, woman, child, you name it, people will talk to me. And you can make it so that people do want to come up and have a conversation. So there is, you've made some sort of visual choices to encourage that behavior.

For the folks out there that, you know, maybe not as comfortable in that space, what other kind of behaviors or what other kind of visual indicators might they have? The logo shirt, I think, is terrific. Wearing a name tag, would that be the kind of thing that you would expect to want to do? Absolutely.

Or it could be a really interesting pin. You know, if you're a golfer, you can order a golfing pin online. Put that on your shirt. Boy, let me tell you, somebody will come and talk to you.

I love branded apparel. And you can do it subtly. Maybe you love sailing. So get a picture of a sailboat in the back of every jacket and somebody's going to come and talk to you.

I love they put people's names on their arm. Well, if you're in a lineup, there's somebody you're seeing their back and the next person's seeing there. Why not put on the back of that, hi, I'm Brian. I mean, some people go, why would I want to do that?

Well, you want people to talk to you? We miss so much business. You know, anybody who comes within three feet of you should have an idea. And I'll give you another example.

For whatever reason, people used to give me brooches and I had a box of them. I thought, well, I should do something with these. These were gifts from people that went out of their way to gave, right? So I took them out and I put them on every single coat.

I have a couple of coats with no brooches because if I don't want to talk to people, I wear the coats that have no brooches because those brooches, and here's the thing, if you notice movie stars, people, it's okay for anybody to wear a brooch, but if it's about your favorite hockey team or it's about your favorite sport or it could be your dog. I mean, that's an instant conversation starter that really gets to the heart of people. So making it easier. Do you know the other thing is a pocket scarf, right?

But you got great glasses. Our glasses make a huge difference. And do you know, let's say from a female perspective, but I know just as many guys who love dressing, right? And anybody in between that shoes I notice, but I don't want you to talk to my feet.

So if we're concerned, it's from the shoulders up. It really is what you want people doing. The other thing, you see my information behind me. We're on a lot of Zooms today.

So if people can relate that, what's behind me, my business. To me, greater comprehension. Okay? So the other thing is your resting face.

Okay? Right? Reach a certain age, we get wrinkles. So as long as I smile, they serve a purpose.

So I try to keep my resting face as smiling. And I got to tell you, that can be the conversation. good eye contact, and smiling. Now, anybody who's listening here, I'm dyslexic.

And so in the beginning, the idea of even looking at strangers, because you know what our parents told us, don't talk to strangers. That took me ages. It took me a while to even make good eye contact. But good eye contact and a smile, you'll be amazed.

So I would just practice, and it took Months, likely took a couple of years. I would smile, and sometimes, you know, I'd make eye contact, I'd smile. And sometimes they would say hello first. And sometimes people would say to me, were you going to say something?

No, no, no. Because I couldn't even do that, Brian. It was painful. And you've got this, the manner in which you're explaining these things is very, very comfortable.

and it speaks to interest what how do you make the segue from then the the human connection into the business connection because a lot of folks have a hard time with the transactional nature of business being different than the way we interact with um you know people like they separate these things as separate entities yeah well it's the same thing whether we're getting connected on social media platforms. I mean, it's so much easier. You can build a million-dollar business sitting on your butt at home.

But, excuse me. So, smiling, nodding, asking questions. So, if somebody says to me at a networking event, hi, who are you and what do you do? And what I'll say to them is, no, no, I want to hear about you first.

Tell me who you are, what you do, and how I could help. And so, you can usually learn a lot from those questions, right? I've never had somebody say, They may hesitate from it and say, okay, tell me what you're excited about. And the sad part is it sometimes takes a person a minute or two to even think of something they're excited about.

But that spark will come in their eye and their energy changes because you actually asked a question and you obviously want to learn. And so listening like a sponge, not a brick. Most people will ask a question, listen until they can get their word in. That not what it all about And so one of the sweetest things you can say is if somebody starts talking you say now that was interesting tell me more And that person suddenly it's like doors open, shoulders go down.

Because if you're really sincere, just that little thing, they've opened up. Not a lot, but it's like the segue into. So when I ask them, you know, are you working on a project? What are you excited about?

These sort of things. And depending upon the season, got some new goals for the year. I don't really like asking that. But, you know, again, it's something you could ask.

Okay. And so once I really listen, I usually like to repeat at least one thing that they say. So this is just standing. If I'm having coffee with somebody, I'm going to ask to make notes.

And I will just write down words. And here's the other thing. Only write positive words. because if you say cold-hearted bitch, it'll come back to bite you or other things.

So once somebody kind of finishes, because usually, this is also how you can tell whether that person really wants to sell or not, is after a couple of minutes, they'll say, well, tell me about you. And so usually, because if you've ever listened to Sam Horn from the Intrigue Agency, she's a TED Talk Hall of Famer. I've done some work with an amazing woman. So what she says is, when somebody asks you what you do, don't tell them.

Ask a three-part question. So when somebody says that, I would say, would you, a friend or business associate, need to network, but the very thought of it produces anxiety? And usually go, and sometimes I'll say me. But the reason you ask three-part is if you ask them if they are, they say no, end of conversation.

So then I would say, just imagine if you could actually enjoy it. That's what I do. it it prevents you from getting typecast right away uh and categorized right so how many you know i've been in networking situations where like okay what do you do for like oh i'm a web guy awesome thanks what does that mean how can i translate that into something i can do help you with whatever teller oh my god there's so much like my podcast because you're going to be on my podcast i say everybody's got a story and i'd love to hear yours when you learn listen to people's stories brian that's where you'll learn whether or not there's synergy or not okay even if there's no synergy um when i worked with mary kay ash and i was lucky enough that she was still very active in the business.

When I started my career with Mary Kay Cosmetics, her best friend's name was Dalene, spelled same as mine, but Texas, right? And so we had a very nice relationship. And she used to say, Dalene, you could tell anyone where to go. Just make sure they enjoy the trip.

That's awesome. Yeah. I want to thank you for being on the show, but we have a couple of questions before we wrap here, and I just want to make sure we get them good answers to those. Or whatever answers we get, they're going to be good, I'm sure.

So first things first, who should get a hold of you and how should they do so? Clearly, you've got it in your background here. But at the same time, I'd like to get a little more understanding. Okay.

Networkingnaturally.ca. So I'm a keynote speaker, been doing that for 30 years. Crowd's as big as 20,000.

You've got a conference. You want people to really get value out of it so they come back next year. You need to work in for all people, diversity, inclusion, right? Understand that everybody networks differently.

I do one-on-one coaching. You want to build business in Canada, right? I've done markets, 33 markets around the world with my other business. So networkingnaturally.

ca. And in your journey to become the entrepreneur that you are, what are the three biggest things that you learned along the way? Oh, if you're going to dream, you've got to dream big. Your dream and your goal has to align, meaning family needs to be a part of it, so everybody's on board.

Third, don't give up. Keep going. But you need a daily plan of action. You need to work backwards from your goal.

What's your goal for the year, the five years? Work backwards. What do you need to do on a daily basis, an IPA, income-producing activity, not a beer? that when you know what you need to do on a daily basis, magic happens.

That's awesome. Thank you again so much for being on our show today. Oh, Brian, I can't wait to have you on mine. This has been a treat.

Hey, you. Yes, you. it's 2024 and you don't have a podcast yet or maybe you do, but you're struggling with it. We will talk to you about that for free.

We'll help you figure out where you might be stuck, whether or not we can help you for sure. But also if you don't have one yet, what are the like first five things you can do? What are some great angles that you can use to make sure that your podcast was sustainable as you start to develop that moving forward? Those consults are free.

So reach out at the link below in the show notes or email me at brian at podcastchef.com. Thanks. Hi, this is Brian.

Thanks for listening to the show. Our website, podcastchef.com, has a ton of useful information about how to best leverage podcasting to help you solve some of your business goals and challenges. You can also schedule a demo where we can show you how specifically Podcast Chef and our team can help you with some of your podcasting goals.

Thanks.