The Leadership Gap: When Communication Styles Clash

Before we dive in today's episode, I want to take a moment to share something that's been on my heart, something I've been working on behind the scenes for a while now. I'm officially writing a book. This book is called Let's Be Diverse, a practical guide to leading through change, and it's deeply personal to me. It's built from real experiences, the uncertainty, the challenges, the moments where I didn't have the answers but had to lead.

This isn't just a leadership book filled with theory. It's about navigating uncertainty when there's no clear direction. building internal clarity when everything around us feels unclear, having courageous conversations even when they're uncomfortable, and leading with value, especially when it's the hardest to do so. I'm also going into topics that don't get talked about enough, like what it feels like to be challenged, overlooked, and even bullied as an adult in the workplace, and how those moments shape the kind of leader you become.

This book is for anyone who's ever thought, How do I lead when I don't feel ready? How do I show up when I don't have all the answers? And how do I stay true to myself in environments that challenge me? If this is you, this book is for you.

I'll be sharing more about the journey, behind-the-scenes moments, and opportunities for you to be part of it as we go. So stay tuned, because this is more than just a book. It's a movement around how we lead through change together. All right, let's get to today's episode.

Opinions expressed in this episode are personal. They do not necessarily reflect the views of this streaming platform. Good day, wonderful people, and welcome to another edition of Let's Be Diverse. I am your host, Andrew Stout.

This episode is dedicated to all my loved ones who've supported me through this journey. Those who have left us will always be in our hearts and will never be forgotten. Our topic today is the leadership gap. when communication styles clash.

Our guest today is one extraordinary human. Her name is Winter Berenger. Winter, welcome to the show. It is awesome to have you on as a guest today.

Thank you for having me. I'm excited to be here. Very welcome. What has been energizing you these days, Winter?

Give us the tea, give us the deets, give us it all. What's going on? What has been energizing me? Honestly, positivity and just love and outpour from clients and everything I've been doing in the office and online, meeting new people and networking.

Of course, you came into my life a few weeks ago, and it's just been a whirlwind and very exciting to work with a bunch of new people. Awesome. I love meeting new people as well. It's so energizing.

It's so fun. You get to hear the amazing things that they're doing and amazing work that they're doing. I am with you on that 100%. Meeting new people is the core of what I do for sure.

Thanks Thanks for sharing that with us. And great to hear that things are going well with you. Before we begin, I always have a fun, thought-provoking question that I ask all of my guests to get things going. Are you ready for yours today, Wendy?

I'm ready. Let's hear it. Okay. So your question today is, what do you want to be remembered for?

What? This is a good one. I want to be remembered for pushing people outside of their comfort zone and really showing women, especially that they're capable of so much more and getting out of those diet standards or that picture perfect that we're all looking for and really showing people busy and balanced and that we really can have it all. And there's not, you don't need to give up one thing for the other and really just finding the ebbs and flows that work with everyone's specific routine.

So I really want to be remembered as a leader and, you know, living a life that I preach by example. Love everything that you just said there, pushing people out of their comfort zones. There's so many different aspects of our life that some people are sometimes scared to do. Podcasting would be something that I think people are actually either nervous or shy to either start one or to guest on one.

And when they do it, they just see how rewarding it is. And being able to talk about the things that you believe in and and desire and have passion for it's so uplifting I agree I think a lot of people are held back and stuck from doing things they want to do because we get into this mindset of the fear of judgment of other people and when we start to really overcome that and let that go like starting a podcast or a social media or a business and you really start believing in yourself and letting go of what others may or might think, like a world of possibility opens.

And like you've probably seen with your podcast, it's so successful. And you're more confident each episode that you do and the work that you produce. Well thank you so much for having fun with me I love your answer I was so filled with knowledge and wisdom To get us started here who are you and what really drives you to do the work that you do Yes. So my name is Winter Wilson and I'm the founder of Everall Hypnosis and Winter's Wellness.

I'm someone who transitioned from a high stress, low reward career into building businesses that focus on helping people create lasting change in their lives. And what really drives me is seeing when people realize they're capable of so much more than they believe, whether it's managing stress or breaking unhealthy habits or improving confidence, losing weight, the list can go on and on. I love helping people get out of their own way and move into the life that they truly want.

So for me, success is celebrating every goal that my client achieves while also helping them build the mindset and the confidence to continue growing long after they've reached that goal. And when people really change the way that they think, they change the way that they live. So creating changes that extend into every area of their life, being part of the journey and watching people discover what they're truly capable is what motivates me every single day. I love what you just said there.

You are a leader in your own right, and we'll talk about stuff that you learned and how you've grown in this conversation. But one thing that just stuck out at me when you say that you are so happy to see people grow and achieve their goals. I'm going to use an example of a organization and you are leading people on your team and those people on your team become successful. They move within the organization.

It is so uplifting to see that you were leading them and now they're going on to do more and more great things. That is so inspirational. Yeah. Yeah.

So to start us off, Winter, how would you define communication styles and why do they matter so much in leadership or in workplace culture? I think communication styles are honestly different ways that people naturally express themselves. So they process information and they connect with others. This includes not only the words that people use, but also their tone of voice, their body language, their facial expressions are unique to each one of us.

And other nonverbal cues that influence how messages are received and how they're understood. So communication styles are especially important in leadership because communication is the foundation of every workplace and it influences trust and morale and productivity and even conflict. A leader can have the best ideas in the world, but if they can't communicate them in a way that their team understands and those ideas won't have any impact that it could or have the impact that it really could on the environment.

So great leaders are also recognized that communication isn't one size fits all. It's not the same thing with every conversation. It's about changing who you are, and it's about adapting your approach to meet people where they are. So paying attention when we're on one-on-ones, or we're in meetings, or we're having group sessions, paying attention to the body language that you're getting, that you're giving, maintaining that eye contact, using open and inapproachable gestures and recognizing nonverbal signs as well.

I feel people and leaders sometimes get lost in the message and in telling people things that they're not really understanding the audience that they have. So when employees felt heard and seen and respected, both verbally and non-verbally, that they're more engaged, they feel more confident, they're more willing to contribute. And that's what really creates a positive workplace culture where people can succeed and do their best. So many things that you said there resonated with me, but one of the things that you said there was different people have different ways of expressing themselves.

And that is so true. And I think it's the job of us as leaders to see that and to understand that we're gonna express ourselves differently from one person to another and work with that and learn how to work with that. Because I think if you do, you mentioned the word engagement before, If we can figure that out, you're going to see such a big difference of engagement within your organization and teams. And that's right.

And we talked about this a little bit before as well, where if you are conversing with someone and maybe they're not giving off the body language that you want in the way that you think somebody should perceive what you're saying, you can really get guided and misled into a conversation that may not even be going that way. You could be really misunderstood and not perceived the way that you want to be perceived. Or you may think that they're not even paying attention or do they care based on the body language not matching what you think it should because the communication styles are very different.

So Winter where do you typically see communication styles first start to clash in teens or organization Is it usually obvious or subtle at the beginning For me I feel most of the time it very subtle in the beginning It rarely starts with bigger conflict or a bigger misunderstanding. It starts with little misunderstandings. And one person, like I said previously, one person thinks they're being clear and efficient while someone else experiences the same communication. but they're thinking, well, that's really abrupt or very dismissive.

And another person may stay quiet because they don't feel comfortable speaking up and their silence gets mistaken as agreement. So when we see those things, there are little misunderstandings and misconceptions that are just building up and building up. So people begin making assumptions about each other's intentions instead of asking those questions, starting to look for clarification. And that's when trust starts to erode and your collaboration becomes more difficult as you go on with different conversations with maybe that same person because eventually you start to lose those issues and they turn into bigger conflicts.

So one of the biggest mistakes I think leaders can make is assuming everyone communicates the way that they do. And like I said, effective leadership isn't about expecting people to adapt to you, but it's really recognizing that different communication styles are adjusting your approach so everyone really feels understood. Yes, it is that misunderstanding And I'm going to say a word that I think is a big key, and that is assumptions. We're assuming things about some people.

And even though we're communicating with them, you're assuming what that person is saying, or you're assuming something about them, which is a conflict in the communication aspect. So it's something that we need to consider a little bit more as far as communicating and not assuming the worst of somebody. That's right. And there's different layers of communication, right?

So not only what we're saying, but when we think, well, are they misinterpreting what we're saying or do they get it? Instead of clarifying, we just go on that assumption again. So that second layer of communication is really being lost. For sure.

So we might have talked about this, but I want to dig a little bit deeper in here, Winter. If a leader is listening to this and realizes that their team might be struggling with communication styles, what's one practical shift that they can make? I think this is honestly one of the simplest and most effective changes that a leader can make is become more curious and become instead of becoming more reactive, instead of assuming, you know, what was meant, ask that question. And just like we just talked about is clarifying that second layer of communication.

Can you help me understand what you meant by that? Or how is it? Do you see the situation can completely change that direction of the conversation? it.

Also encouraging leaders to spend a little bit more time knowing who you're communicating with, what their communicating style is. And again, we've talked about this a little bit previously of if you're communicating with someone and you think they're understanding, but the body language is off and you're not quite sure, really clarifying because you're not on the same page and then that you start to spiral. You make a great point, Winter. One of the things that I think about as you're talking is that yes, you want to be curious and ask questions and clarify.

But I think we have to remember too, that if we're curious, or we're wanting them to clarify, then we need to be prepared for the answer that we're going to get and be ready for the answer that we're going to get. So don't be curious or ask somebody something if you are not curious, or if you are not wanting them to clarify, don't ask them because they're going to clarify, and they're going to say more. So if you're not interested, they don't want to answer. Absolutely.

And you know what? That's a really good point that you made, Andrew, is sometimes we get asked questions or we ask the questions and we're actually not ready for the response or we don't want to hear it. So it's a really good point on leadership is if you're going to give feedback, also be open to that feedback, regardless of what it is, right? It's always a growing and learning experience.

And sometimes you're not going to hear what you want to hear. Yeah. Like, I mean, if you're walking by, I know it's a little off topic, but if you're walking by somebody and asking them, how's it going? How are you doing today?

Well, be prepared for that answer. Don't ask it and keep walking another direction. Actually, literally stop. How are you doing today, Winter?

What's going on? And ask it in a caring, compassionate manner that we're communicating that we are interested in really how they're doing. And it's funny you say that because it's such a normal thing in society. how many times are you out in public and you hear, oh, how are you today?

And then the person walks away from you. It's just a normal thing where you get asked that question. You think, well, that's a conversation starter, but they're walking away from me. It is so true.

It's so true. So how do communication styles show up differently across diverse identities and lived experiences And what should leaders be mindful of so that they don misinterpret the difference of disengagement or resistance I love this question This is such an important question because communication is shaped by more than personality. It's really influenced by our culture, our upbringing, our life experiences, our past workplaces. And again, the list goes on.

So two people can approach the same conversation, but very differently. And one person may speak immediately, because that's how they're encouraged to communicate. And the other person might prefer to just listen and reflect and then contribute when they've had time to process. So really, neither approach is better, but they're just very different.

So when leaders can run into trouble is when they assume that their own communication is the right way or the only way to communicate. So someone who is quiet isn't necessarily disengaged, but someone who also asks a lot of questions isn't necessarily challenging your authority either. And someone who's very direct isn't honestly being rude. So everyone has their own approach.

So I think sometimes when leaders come in, they think, you know, this is the right approach. So really being open-minded to people have different thought processes and people are going to give you different responses and it doesn't mean one thing or the other just being very open to wow people process information differently and communicate differently so being open to that so that it really does build a better foundation a stronger trust better collaboration and workplace when people are feeling heard and seen and really comfortable bringing their best ideas forward right and not feeling like they just have to do it the way that their boss wants to For sure.

And you talked about sitting back and laying back and watching. Our job as leaders is to make those people feel like they're in a safe environment that they can come forward and they can give their ideas. And it might take them a little bit of time in certain cases to do so. But over time, if we continuously do that, they're going to come forward and they're going to bring their ideas and their thoughts more often if they feel it's wanted or warranted or if someone actually even cares to hear what they have to say.

That's right. And I've been in rooms where trainings or there's a bunch of people and you notice you'll see some people that always sit at the front and you'll see that they're very engaged and they're answering all the questions. And then you notice the people at the back of the room who keep to themselves and maybe they only answer a few questions, but the information they give is very valid and very beneficial to the room. And then you have the ones that kind of just look around and this is going to be in every single room.

So when you're a leader, really noticing, wow, OK, these people always sit in the back. This is how their their style is. These people are always in the front contributing. You know, how can I pull the people from the middle or the back into more of a collaborative way or pull them out of their shell a little bit more?

So, Winter, before we wrap up here, what is one key takeaway that you'd like our listeners to remember from this episode? If there's one thing I'd like people to take away from this is that communication isn't just about speaking. It's about creating understanding. Whether you're leading a team, working alongside colleagues, or communicating at home, take time to really understand the person in front of you.

Rather than assuming everyone thinks or communicates the way that you do, great leaders really aren't the ones who have all the answers. And they're the ones who make people feel heard and valued and understood. So when you lead with curiosity and empathy and clear communication, you're really building that stronger relationship and foundation and you get better results. I love that.

So, so very well said. To anybody who's listening today, my call to action is to like, share and follow this episode. Winter, I want to take the time to thank you for coming on today. Some of the things that I admire about you is your heart, your balance, the impact that you make on everyone that you meet, your outgoing, bubbly personality, and your energy.

It has been an absolute pleasure to have you on as a guest today. Thank you so much for taking the time to join us today. Thank you, Andrew. I really appreciate the opportunity.

And I really appreciate the connection that we've made in the networking that we've made. You are creating important, challenging conversations. And I'm so happy to be a part of that. It's a pleasure.

On behalf of myself and my guest, Winter, I'd like to thank you all for listening today. And until next time, be safe. And remember, everyone, that if we all work together, we can accomplish anything. You have been listening to Let's Be Diverse with Andrew Stout.

To stay up to date with future content, hit subscribe.