Voice at Work | Reframing Self-Promotion for British Women Leaders

If you've ever thought, "I don't wanna blow my own trumpet," or, "I don't wanna sound big-headed," then this episode is definitely for you. Through the work that I've been doing with thousands of British women over the last 17 years, one thing I know for sure is that they definitely don't lack confidence. I think that it's simply because many of us have been taught that talking about ourselves is something that nice girls do, isn't it? And while those messages that we were told by our moms probably may have been helpful for us when we were at school or sitting around the dinner table, they're not particularly useful, are they, when we step into leadership. So today, I want to talk about why self-promotion feels so uncomfortable and why you're not alone in feeling that way. We're also gonna touch on why [00:01:00] leadership communication is not about showing off at all, and figure out how can we do it in a way that feels comfortable for you. Today's conversation is really all about something that I see all the time, and if I'm honest, something that I'm still working through myself as well. When I'm working with women leaders, when they hear the words personal branding or self-promotion, many of them, you know, British women like us, they immediately recoil and say, "Oh no, I hate selling myself," or, "I don't wanna blow my own trumpet." Or they say things like, "I don't want people thinking I'm full of myself." And I think there's something particularly British about this, don't you? And many of us probably grew up hearing things like, "Don't be big-headed," or, "Stay humble. Don't make a [00:02:00] fuss," and, "Stop showing off." These messages become a central part of who we are as we grow up, and those core values that we take into later life. And may have been well-intended, it can leave us feeling incredibly uncomfortable when we're asked to speak about our achievements or our expertise, or even the value that we bring as a leader in our organizations. And I think the key thing for me here is that expertise is not the problem. We know you're capable, and one thing that really frustrates me when I'm working with women in pr- professional services in particular is this: They're absolutely brilliant at what they do. Their expertise is definitely not in question. They've got qualifications coming out of their ears. They've built these successful careers [00:03:00] and been recruited or promoted because of their knowledge and experience, and nobody's doubting that. You know, that's not being questioned by anyone else. But while they've had years of academic learning, technical training, and professional development, very few have ever been taught how to communicate that expertise. So those are two entirely different skills. Being brilliant at what you do doesn't automatically mean that you feel comfortable talking about it. And, it's not a character flaw, it's not something wrong with you, because many women feel exactly the same, and it's not to do with confidence, as I said. It's because nobody's ever taught you how to do it, and I've been there too. I wanna really include myself in this conversation and [00:04:00] talk to you about this from a personal perspective because I know how it feels, and I know what it's like to keep your head down and try and just get on with it and hope that hard work alone will be enough, and that you'll get noticed. And sometimes we do, but often we don't, and it's not because your work isn't valued, and it's not because you're not talented. But it's because people can't appreciate the value that they can't see. And this was a huge lesson for me when I stepped into leadership because I realized that staying quiet wasn't about being humble. It wasn't to do with humility as such, it was about invisibility. And I'm not saying that to make you feel uncomfortable or make anyone feel less than. I'm really saying it because I know that there are women out there listening right now who are [00:05:00] waiting to be noticed, and I spent years doing exactly the same, and I really want better for you. So let me talk to you about how leadership communication is different from showing off. And there was one distinction that helped me enormously when I finally learnt it, and that was that leadership communication is not about saying, "Look at me. Look how brilliant I am. Look at what I did. Aren't I amazing?" That really is just bragging and, most of us are instinctively gonna dislike that, which is, you know, it's understandable really. But leadership communication is something very, very different. Leadership communication is saying, "Look, here's something that I've learnt that might help you. Here's a mistake that I made even so that you don't have to make that mistake." And h- this is what I'm trying to do for you today as well. It's not [00:06:00] about, you know, me showing off and saying, "Look how I can do it better than you." It's about saying, "Look at what I experienced, and let me share it with you to help you to save time, energy, and even stress as well 'cause I know that it can be stressful." So it's about looking outwards, the contribution that you make and how you're adding value. It's absolutely nothing to do with ego, and I think this is a- again, a lot of the reason why this comes up for women because they see men doing it. And a lot of the time that male dominance can come across as ego, can't it? But for us as women, we're very different. We are naturally more caring, empathetic. We're more supportive. We want to help other people, and we can do that. We can absolutely do that from a place of leadership. This [00:07:00] really does matter, and what you are saying matters, and it matters that you speak up about how good you are and the lessons that you've learnt and your expertise and your experience and where you're progressing. And the reason it matters is because people are watching you. Not in a weird way, not in a spooky way or anything. It's about being a leader in your business. It's about the people that are coming through your br- business, the graduates, the apprentices who are looking up to you and watching you. It's about your clients that are watching you from afar, and those posts that you put out there when you feel confident enough to do it, the clients that are seeing those. It's about your colleagues and those people around you, and those other women around you who are watching you and looking to you for how you communicate and how visible you are [00:08:00] so that they can learn. And if you are consistently staying quiet, playing down your achievements, and avoiding talking about your experience because you're worried about sounding arrogant or showing off, then really you're denying other people access to what you know And it's quite an uncomfortable truth really, isn't it? Thinking about that. But it's one thing that really changed my thinking, and once I changed how I thought, then I stopped those negative thoughts in my mind as well. I stopped asking myself, "How do I talk about myself?" And I started asking instead, "How can I share what I've learned in a way that really helps someone else?" And this was really key to me when I started this podcast as well because, you know, talking about yourself, talking about things that you've done, experiences, it can [00:09:00] feel a little bit like, okay, you know, I'm ta- I'm talking about myself. I'm, I'm showing off. But I really had to change my thinking to think, no, I'm sharing my experiences and lessons that I've learned to help other people that are listening to the podcast, and that was a m- a massive shift, and now it feels completely different. So we need a definition of humility for us as British women because humility doesn't mean shrinking. It doesn't mean sitting in the background and keeping our mouth shut. I don't think humility means hiding, and I certainly don't think humility means hoping people will notice you either, because hope isn't a strategy, is it? Well, if it was, it probably would've been working for you so far, but I'm guessing that it, it hasn't. So [00:10:00] true humility can sit alongside visibility, and this is where we need to focus on, and this is where we need to be moving forward into that contrast between humility and visibility. You can be kind and ambitious at the same time. You can be humble and influential, and you can also be modest and still really own your expertise and what you're good at. Those things can coexist. They aren't complete opposites, and I think many British women need permission almost to believe that because somewhere along the way we were taught that speaking up was showing off, and it just isn't. It's a complete lie. Not when it's done with generosity, not when it's done to help other [00:11:00] people, and certainly not when it's done from a place of experience. It's leadership communication So as a small shift then to help you change your thinking, perhaps the next time you're about to dismiss your success or avoid sharing something really valuable for other people, why don't you ask yourself this? Am I doing this to impress people, or am I sharing to help people? Because those are two very different intentions, and when your intention is to help, to teach, and to share, that is not blowing your own trumpet. That's leadership. And perhaps that's something that we can all get on board with and feel a little bit more comfortable with because goodness knows the world needs more women speaking up, not [00:12:00] fewer. And particularly British women. We need more British women leaders to be visible, and I say that as someone who is still learning myself as well, and we're all in this together, girls, you know? So in closing, what I want to leave you with today is if this conversation has resonated with you, if you're a British woman who is brilliant at what you do, but you're not getting the recognition you deserve because talking about yourself feels uncomfortable, then I'd love to have a conversation with you. You can book a free 30-minute discovery call on my website, which is www.boldmovescoach.co.uk/connect. This is simply an opportunity for us to explore what's been holding you back and what leadership communication could look like in a way that feels authentic [00:13:00] to you. And if nothing else, then I h- really, really hope today's episode has helped you to see that you're not broken, you're certainly not lacking in confidence, and also you're not alone, my friend. You might simply be carrying messages from the past that no longer serve the woman leader that you've become, and perhaps it's time for us as British women to write a new story. So until next time, I'll leave you with that thought. Take care, and remember, you don't have to become someone else to be visible. You just have to allow more people to benefit from who you already are. I'll see you next time. Bye-bye.