Leadership Communication: If Speaking Up About Your Success Feels Awkward, Listen to This

Welcome to the podcast. I'm so pleased that you could join me today. We are going to be diving into a topic that comes up so many times in coaching conversations with my clients. with women when they're moving through executive role transitions, or they're stepping into more senior leadership positions. I'm talking about the topic of self-promotion, because what I hear. time and again is if you're doing quality work, then people should notice, shouldn't they? And if they don't, then maybe you're just not working hard enough yet and you need to work harder, do more, put in more hours. be more visible, and you know what, I get it, because I understand that belief comes from. Where many of us were taught exactly that, weren't we? Keep your head down, work hard, be humble, don't be showing off, let your results do the talking. But the problem with this is that they simply don't. They never do. Because leadership visibility doesn't work like that, does it? And when you don't understand that, you can find yourself feeling overlooked, undervalued and frustrated despite doing exceptional work and putting in all of the hours. I was reminded of this recently, when I was working with a client who… described this situation to me. Basically, she was working in professional services. She was extremely capable. HR senior manager. And she did not fault her expertise. In fact, she said to me, fundamentally, I know that I do a good job, and I'm extremely capable. She was perfectly comfortable talking about the results that the. people team and the HR department were achieving, and the successes that they were creating for the business. But when the conversation. shifted towards her own contribution in our coaching sessions, her energy changed. She became really uncomfortable, and she'd downplay her involvement, say, oh, that wasn't really me, or… Mostly, that was mostly my team, or, but I can't really take credit for that, was a word she'd use a lot. She really did downplay her involvement. And maybe you can relate to this as well, yourself. If you have ever been asked to talk about yourself and quickly redirected attention elsewhere, like, yeah, I'm fine, what about you? You know, let's talk about you, or… Let's talk about something else. Totally… she just diverted the conversation. And we delved down into this in the coaching, because I could see that it was something she was uncomfortable about, and we needed to figure out why, because it really was an area that she was avoiding. And what we found. It was fascinating, actually, because she genuinely couldn't understand why this was happening. But when we talked about some of her past experiences of seeing other people talk about themselves, she said it sounded like bragging. And that's how she felt, basically, in her words. If she was talking about something that she'd done well, it felt like bragging, it felt like showing off. And from her perspective. She was delivering excellent results. Her projects were successful. The stakeholders were happy, her team were performing well, but something wasn't quite right, because she felt like she was being overlooked for bigger opportunities, and in those senior manager. meetings, she felt undervalued. She felt like her contribution wasn't really taken seriously. So, we started unpacking this in future coaching sessions to find out what was really happening, and eventually, she had a huge realization. Nobody knew… The role she had played in creating the outcomes. So, they knew the project had succeeded, they knew the department was performing well, but what they didn't know was what she had specifically done to make that happen. LIZ liz@boldmovescoach.co.uk 16:34:52 Basically, she was the one leading it. She was the one making it happen without her keeping everyone on track, making sure that they kept to deadlines, making sure that they made the right decisions. Without her, it wouldn't have happened. And so, what was really happening was that, without realizing it, she was hiding the evidence of her leadership. And in doing so, she was unintentionally sabotaging her own. Success and this was a big breakthrough for her. And for other clients that I've worked with before as well, when we've had similar conversations. You know, one of the biggest myths that I see in leadership development is the belief that. Confidence comes before visibility. That, somehow, you need to feel fully ready before you start speaking up. And you'll feel fully confident before you share your achievements. You'll feel completely comfortable before you put yourself forward. But that's not how it works, is it? Let's be honest, because… For many highly capable women that I know and that I've worked with, they're already operating at the level that they need to be for the next opportunity. It's not that they're not capable, um, the real challenge. is recognizing and communicating that capability. I'm going to say that again. It's not that you're not capable. The challenge for you is recognizing and learning how to communicate that capability. to other people. And I cannot say this strongly enough, because often, this is where I see people confuse confidence and competence. So let me spell this out. Competence. is your ability to do the work, okay? So, again, if you're in HR, it's your ability to make sure that the business is staying compliant. If you're a HR director. It's your ability to lead those difficult conversations. It's your ability to keep the business on track with their people strategy. No one's doubting that, your competence at that level. done all your exams, you've got your CIPD, Level 7, and they know that you've got that competence. The doubt can be hit. in the confidence. So, confidence is your belief in your ability. And it sounds crazy, doesn't it? Because you're like, well. I've got the qualification, I've got the paperwork to prove that I can do this. So why am I not confident in my ability? Now, the point here is that they are connected, but they're not the same thing. So you can be highly competent, and still struggle to communicate your value. And if you're waiting to feel completely confident before speaking about your achievements, you might be waiting a very, very long time, because confidence… doesn't come before action, okay? So, let me talk you through this, and then let's unwrap this a little bit. Um, let's start with a phrase. that gets repeated constantly. And I mentioned it earlier, your work speaks for itself. Now, I know that's well-intentioned. When you're thinking that, and when you're saying it in your head, my work should speak for itself. But in leadership, it's only partly true. So your work. creates evidence, of course it does, because on paper, that ticks there that it's been done, um, the results are there, there even could be about, um, the KPIs. have been achieved. But someone still needs to connect the dots. Because senior leaders aren't watching every single meeting you're attending. They're not a part of all of your Zoom conversations, and they're not seeing every single decision you make. They're not witnessing. every challenge you navigate behind the scenes when you're leading the team, helping them to collaborate, helping them to work through the struggles, solve problems, what they're seeing are outcomes. What they don't automatically see is your leadership behind. those outcomes. And that is why a leadership presence is not just about doing great work. LIZ liz@boldmovescoach.co.uk 16:39:57 It's about helping people understand the value that your leadership brings. So, it's not self-promotion. It's clarity, giving clarity of the leadership that you're bringing to those successes. Here's a different way to think about leadership communication, then. Because I love working with my clients on shifting their mindsets to think about this differently. Because I think when we think about it differently, it helps us to… Be more comfortable in those situations because talking about your achievements is not self-promotion, it's providing evidence. And really, in essence, that's all it is. It's evidence. Because when… You know, when you watch those legal programs, or if you're a lawyer and you're thinking about making a case. you have to have evidence, right? Because evidence defeats doubt. So, when researchers present their findings in a case, they use evidence, don't they? So, as leaders, when we communicate value, we have to use evidence as well. So, almost… We're not asking people to look up to us and go, "Oh, yeah, you're brilliant, aren't you?" We're not trying to big ourselves up and show off. We're trying to help them to understand the contribution that we've made. It is very, very different. And another client that I worked with recently had this realization and everything changed for her. She stopped thinking. How do I talk about myself? And she started thinking instead, how do I share useful evidence about the impact that I've created on this project? And her discomfort reduced straight away. She started then having totally different conversations in these leadership meetings because she wasn't promoting herself anymore. She was communicating. facts and sharing evidence. I want to make this really simple for you, so I want to share a practical framework with an approach that you can start using straight away. So, um, to give you an example, if you were to say, um, okay, let's look at it this way. Let's look at changing a phrase and reframing it. So if, um, if you're thinking that a strength that you got is. Um… stakeholder management. So, instead of being in that meeting and saying, I'm really good at stakeholder management, because of course that's uncomfortable, right? Yeah, because anyone would feel uncomfortable saying that. So instead, what we've got to think first is… the evidence. So, we'll start by saying… Um, over the last 6 months, I led a cross-department project, which involved 5 different teams, and aligning. Competing priorities and time scales. And we delivered the programme ahead of schedule. Okay, so that is evidence, isn't it, that you are good at stakeholder management, project management, keeping people working together to a tight schedule with competing priorities. That is leadership, right? So do you see the difference? One is an opinion. I'm only good at stakeholder management. You know, saying that in, um, in an interview, well… Yes. for example, okay? So then the so what, or for example, is where we share the evidence. So… When we're just stating something we're good at, that is an opinion, that could be seen as bragging. But alternately, when we give evidence, then that is seen as, um, proof, right? We're sharing evidence, we're sharing facts. So let me give you another example. Um, you might think I'm a really strong leader of people. So if we were to reframe that, you might say. Over the last year. Engagement in my team has increased by 18%. We've improved retention and we've successfully delivered three major projects. So you can see that that when we're starting with evidence. LIZ liz@boldmovescoach.co.uk 16:45:00 That is evidence that you are a strong leader. But instead of just saying, I'm a strong leader, we're giving evidence instead. So it's really important that we share facts, outcomes, observable results. When you use this approach, it allows you to talk about the value you're bringing without feeling awkward, without feeling uncomfortable, or like you're showing off. exaggerating or attention seeking. All you're doing… It's simply helping other people to understand the impact you've had. And that's what you want, isn't it? In senior meetings. And the issue here is that nobody tells you how to do this. It's like some kind of a secret language that they have. Senior management. Nobody tells you. So going back to the start about leadership transitions and maybe you've been transitioning into a leadership position. And not knowing how to do this could well have been holding you back. So let's bring all this together then. If you're someone who feels uncomfortable talking about your achievements, then I want you to remember this. That discomfort doesn't necessarily mean that you're doing anything wrong. It may simply mean nobody ever taught you how to do it differently. Like I said, it's like a secret language that they've got, isn't it? So, you don't have to become louder, you don't have to, you know, shout about yourself. You don't have to become someone you're not. You don't have to turn into this self-promoter person who you think, that's really not me, and every time I do it, I feel anxious. All you need to do is become more intentional about sharing evidence of your capability, and evidence of your achievements. Leadership visibility. Really, really matters. And your voice at work matters as well. Because if people don't understand the value that you bring. Then how can they fully appreciate the contribution that you're making? And the difference that you, as a leader. a bring-in to the organization. You've got to remember this. Everything you do creates the evidence. And your leadership communication helps people to see it. And as I often say to people, you've got to believe it, then you'll see it. So don't wait until you believe it before you start taking action. This is leadership communication in action, okay? So, you've got to start sharing the evidence. And then people start to believe it. And the more you believe your contribution is worth communicating, the easier it becomes to help other people to see your value as well. Thank you so much for being here with me today for this conversation. I really, really hope that you found it valuable, and if this episode resonated with you, then I'd love you to drop me a line and let me know, and if you're enjoying the podcast. One of the best ways that you can support the show is by leaving a review. Reviews help more people to discover these conversations and get the support they need in their own leadership journey as well. So don't forget to share with a friend if there's someone that you think would find this valuable. Thank you so much for listening today. I will see you in the next episode, and until then, keep speaking up, keep sharing your value, and keep leading with confidence and clarity. Bye for now.