Executive Presence Tips | 3 Communication Mistakes that are Weakening Authority for Women Leaders

Executive presence tips are often talked about as if they're something you're born with, like some people just naturally walk into a room, command attention, and get taken seriously, while the rest of us are left wondering what we're missing. But what if executive presence isn't really about confidence at all? What if it's about communication? This episode feels particularly important to me because communication style is one of those topics that often gets overlooked. We spend so much time developing our technical skills, gaining experience, getting those qualifications, and proving ourselves through our work that we sometimes forget that leadership isn't just about what we know. It's also about how we communicate what we know. When I look back at my own career, I can see that some of the biggest opportunities I missed weren't because I wasn't capable, they weren't because I lacked expertise, and they weren't because I wasn't working hard enough, let me tell you. They were because of how I was communicating. And you know what the frustrating part is? That I had absolutely no idea that I was doing it. So today, I wanna have a really honest conversation with you about some of the communication habits that can quietly undermine presence, especially for women in leadership and women who are working towards leadership roles. I'm gonna share a personal story with you, some of the lessons that I learned the hard way, and a few practical executive presence techniques you can start using immediately I remember a period in my career when I was working incredibly hard. I knew my subject inside and out, and I was delivering results as well. People used to come to me for answers. You know, on paper, everything looked like I was ready for more responsibility, but when it came to career transition conversations, I still wasn't being viewed as a leader, and I had absolutely no idea why. I kept thinking, maybe if I work harder, if I produce better results, or became even more knowledgeable, got more qualifications, maybe eventually people would see my leadership potential. But there was something that I didn't realize, and that was that my communication style was working against me. I developed this habit of over-explaining everything. I would spend several minutes providing context before making a point, and I'd soften my recommendations because I didn't wanna sound too direct or pushy, so I'd apologize before speaking up in meetings. It sounded something like this, "Oh, sorry, uh, this might be a silly question," or, "Sorry, I just want to add something extra," or, "I might be wrong here, but..." And at the time, I thought I was being polite. I thought, oh well, I better make sure that I'm getting permission to speak up. So I thought I was being collaborative. I thought I was working with people and building those relationships. I honestly thought that I was increasing my visibility by speaking up. But what I didn't understand was that every unnecessary apology was subtly undermining my authority. Every single time I apologized- I was, for speaking, I was signaling that maybe I didn't deserve to be heard. And every time I made my own contributions seem insignificant before sharing it by apologizing, I was encouraging other people to do the same as me. So it took a few months at this time. Um, and I remember the day when I plucked up the courage to ask my manager for some feedback, and you know what? I'm actually really glad that I did because feedback that I got from him completely changed my perspective. He told me, "You clearly know your stuff. I just wish you sounded as confident as you actually are." And that moment, that feedback, it just hit me like a bullseye, honestly, because here's the truth, right? I wasn't lacking confidence. I, you know, I felt I, I do know my stuff and internally I felt confident, but I was lacking clarity in how I communicated that confidence to other people So let me share with you then the three mistakes that I was making so that I can help you and that, you know, maybe I can help you to avoid some of those mistakes. And the first one is why unnecessary apologies undermine your authority. So speaking of apologies then for a minute. Now, when I talk about apologies, I, I don't mean apologizing for made a mistake. You know, when you've messed up, of course, it matters that you apologize. I'm talking about the automatic apologies that many of us use without even realizing it. "Oh, sorry to bother you. Sorry for interrupting. Just wanted to ask. Sorry, can, can I just say something?" These phrases, that's become part of our everyday communication. They become habit day to day, and the problem is that over time, these phrases send a subtle message that your contribution is an inconvenience in those leadership meetings. Now, just think about that for a second, will you? If you're a leader, or if you're aspiring to become a leader, your ideas are not an inconvenience. The knowledge that you have needs sharing. You're in that role for a reason, and your perspective is not a disruption to the meeting. Your questions are not something that should require an apology. One of the simplest and most effective executive presence techniques I ever learned was to pause before saying sorry and ask myself whether an apology was actually necessary. And honestly, this is what I wanna share with you because imagine how many times an apology is actually needed because most of the time, I'll tell you, it wasn't. So instead of saying, "Sorry to bother you," I could simply say, "Do you have a few minutes to discuss something?" Here's another example then. So instead of saying, "Sorry, I just wanted to add a thought," I'd ask myself, do I need to apologize for that? Now the answer in my head would be no. So while I was pausing to think about it, instead of saying, "Sorry to bother you. Sorry, I just wanted to add a thought," I would say, "I'd like to add another perspective," or, "I'd like to share an idea here." The message becomes completely different when you remove the apology, and the way that people react, let me tell you, is completely different as well. So the content, you know, the y- your idea, your thought, your perspective is identical, but the leadership signal that you're giving changes when you remove the apology Point number two then, confidence is communicated through clarity, not volume. Now, another mis- misconception that I hear all the time is the idea that executive presence means being the loudest person in the room, that person who's got charisma, who's the one who's gonna stand out. It doesn't. So executive presence is not about that. And the reason I know that is because some of the most influential leaders that I've worked with weren't loud at all. They were clear. They spoke with intention. They were calm and measured. They didn't rush, and they didn't overexplain things either. They trusted that their message was enough, that what they'd got to say was important because they valued their own expertise, and this was a lesson that I had to learn quickly. For years, I thought confidence meant providing every possible detail so nobody could question my thinking. I'd spend way too long preparing for meetings, overthinking every single possible scenario or question that I might be asked, and preempting those objections by providing lengthy explanations before I made my point. And when I look back and think about those interactions and those conversations that I used to have with senior people, I think, "Oh my God, that must have been so annoying." What I eventually realized was that the more I overexplained, the more I diluted my message, because clarity creates confidence. And when you know your point, state it. When you've got a recommendation to make, or you wanna share your perspective, share it. When you've got expertise and you've got knowledge that you want to provide, do it. You don't need to wrap every single statement in layers and layers of disclaimers and qualifications and, you know, provide your credibility before you even open your mouth. One practical exercise that helped me was asking myself, "What's the most important thing I want someone to remember for this conversation?" And then I would lead with that, and this is something that I learned that made a massive difference to my ability to influence because it leveled up my authority. Leading with the p- point that I wanted people to remember, not after five minutes of giving context when they've s- totally switched off and started thinking about something else that's on their mind, not hidden somewhere in the middle of my point, but right at the very beginning, because leaders communicate outcomes That communicate decisions. That communicate direction with clarity, and clarity helps people trust what they're hearing. So let's move on to my final point then, number three, practical executive presence techniques that you can use today. So if you're listening and you're thinking, "Okay, I can see myself in this. Yeah, I recognize that I do that as well," then here's a few small changes that I wanna share with you so that you can experiment with this this week. Firstly, notice your language. Okay? And I, and I don't mean, you know, inappropriate language. What I mean is the w- the words that you say every single day. If you started recording them and playing them back, I promise you, you would notice some patterns. But when you put this to the forefront of your mind and start paying attention to the words that you say, you will notice. So look out for words like just, maybe, kind of, and any unnecessary apologies that you're making as well. It's not about becoming robotic. I'm not saying that, you know, we all have to sound the same. Just talking about being intentional with the words that you're using and really thinking about it. So that leads me onto my second point then, the practical exercise that you can use this week is pause before speaking. So I think when I'm working with a lot of my clients, I notice that one of the things that they learn and they change and do differently is pausing before speaking, and even slowing down as well to give yourself time to think. I think that we often rush because we're worried about taking up space, and we don't want someone else to jump in. But a brief pause creates presence, so it gives your words weight when you pause before sharing your point So here's my third point then. Finish your statements. Finish what you're saying, and finish it with confidence. So I think maybe you can relate to this, but I definitely used to do this as well, and I hear other people doing it. It's that habit of turning statements into questions without even realizing it. When you're making a recommendation, make it confidently. Let your voice settle at the end of a sentence, and don't end a sentence with your voice going up like it's a question. When you do this, you'll definitely get challenged because letting your voice go up at the end sounds like a question, and it signifies uncertainty and doubt. And when that happens, people will jump in, they will challenge you because you- if you don't sound confident in what you're saying, why would they possibly be confident in it? So turn your points into statements, and finish your statements. My fourth point is this. If you're explaining something this week, challenge yourself to make the point in fewer words. Now, clarity is often more persuasive than complexity, so remember about my experience over-explaining everything. I lost them. So less is more. So this week, if you're making a point challenging... challenge yourself to make the point in fewer words. Yes, it takes practice. Yes, you won't get it right first time, but it's something that you can really practice and think, "Right, well, can I say this in less words?" S- emails are the same as well, you know. Think about your email. Are you over-explaining in there? When you get this right, honestly, it can save you so much time, and also really, really helps your authority So I wanna share with you my favorite phrase because I think a lot of the time when I'm working with my clients on improving their communication style to help with their executive presence, they're scared. They're scared to change. They're scared to try something new. But what I wanna say to you is start before you're ready Start with one practical change this week. Even if it feels uncomfortable, even if it feels like it's too soon and you need to learn more first, start anyway. Start before you're ready. Most people wait until they feel completely confident before they begin communicating like a leader. The reality is that confidence usually comes after action, not before it. So you don't become more visible and then speak with confidence. You speak with confidence first, and visibility will follow. So on reflection then, for me, one thing I've come to appreciate over the years is that leadership communication is not about perfection. It's about alignment. It's about making sure that the way you communicate reflects the value you already bring in that room. Because chances are you're far more capable than you're giving yourself credit for, much like the feedback that I got, 'cause you have more confidence than you're communicating. You're more experienced than you realize, and you're already contributing more than you give yourself credit for. Sometimes the biggest shift for leaders isn't learning something new, it's removing the habits that are hiding what's already there So my friend, if this episode resonated with you, I would absolutely love to continue this conversation. So why don't you connect with me on LinkedIn and let me know what communication habit stood out most for you? Was it the unnecessary apologies, the over-explaining, the tendency to soften your message? I would genuinely love to hear your experience because these conversations really do matter, and the more openly we talk about them, the more we help other women navigate the same challenges as well. So if you found this conversation useful, why not share it with a friend? All that's left for me to say is thank you so much for spending this time with me today, wherever you're listening. And if there's one thing that I want you to remember, it's that your executive presence is not reserved for a few select people. It's not something you're born with, and it's certainly not about becoming someone you're not. It's about communicating your expertise, your ideas, your leadership with greater clarity. Those small shifts that we've talked about can create remarkable changes over time. So remember this week, pay attention to your communication. Notice the habits that are holding you back, and experiment with a few new techniques that we talked about today. And remember, you don't have to feel completely ready before you begin. Start anyway. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is simply start before you're ready. Thank you for joining me. I'll see you in the next episode. Goodbye