I Got Laid Off Twice in 10 Years. The Second Time, I Chose Myself.

Speaker A: I was laid off in 2014 and then 10 years later, 2024, laid off again. And I kept asking myself, what in the world is going on? The jobs that I was choosing, the direction that I was going, they all felt like it was just coming to an end. Until after my final layoff, I started to process it and I started to think very strateg. And that is when I knew that I was headed in the right direction. Welcome back to Leadership beyond the Title podcast. My name is Tashina. This summer I am doing a series called Leading in Every Season of Life where I am coming to you with situations and experiences and journeys of myself and other leaders that I know who are doing leadership in many different ways. And this summer I wanted to talk about some of my personal stories and just share how I've navigated different moments in a new and modern way and how I help my clients as well. So I've already recorded three episodes before this, so take a moment and go back, listen or watch them and I hope you enjoy it. But now let's get into this episode. I want to talk about the experience experience that I had with being eliminated. And I use that word for dramatic effects. But actually what happened was that I got laid off. I've been laid off in 2014 and I've been laid off in 2024. Within a 10 year time span I've been laid off twice. And I want to talk about some of the lessons that I've learned about leadership, about advocacy, about saying yes to myself. So in 2014 I was laid off from my first like long term career. I was working in an organization for 15 years. You can go back and listen to episode I believe 21 where I talk about some of my lessons from being laid off. But I was laid off. And in that moment, at that time I was pregnant. I was about eight months, eight and a half months pregnant. And I was devastated. It was the job that literally grew me into an adult. It was literally the job where I became a woman, where I had children, where I grew some really amazing friendships and learned a lot of lessons and had so much freaking fun. And I was losing that side of me. And for me it was devastating because a job that I have get given so much time to, that I've developed so much, where I thought I had these wonderful relationships, was suddenly saying bye bye. And so right after I got the news and I knew it was coming. And it's funny because at the time, the way I found out was before my M manager was even able to share the news with me. But I found out, and so I was kind of prepared for it. And it sent me into, like, a medical situation where I was like, take me off of work right now. I cannot do it. I'm gonna lose my baby dealing with this again. I was eight months pregnant, and so I got off of work for a while until it was time. Like, we have to make the decision. The position is being eliminated. So you are going to have to exit or, you know, you're going to have to leave this organization. Not physically, but, like, we're going to have to make sure that, you know, we, we separate. And so I did that. And right immediately I went into solution mode and I went straight into interviews. So I'm interviewing over and over again. I'm trying to find a different job. I didn't give myself any time to kind of sit and relax again. I'm eight months pregnant. And literally after I had my son maybe, uh, three weeks later after having him, I started getting back on the trail. And I call it my campaign trail because it was the time where I'm just campaigning for myself and I'm trying to get out there and I'm trying to make things happen. And I didn't give myself any time. I didn't give myself any time to think about what I really wanted. I just knew that I needed to make money because right now, this is about safety and survival. I didn't want to lose my apartment. I didn't want to end up having to go back live with my mom. I wanted to make sure my kids were okay. Like, it was just a ton of things that were going through my head. So fast forward, I had my son and I ended up getting a job right shortly after. And then I stepped into a new career, new industry. Now this job, as you know, if you've been listening to my podcast, no, it was one of my dream jobs. I literally grew into this job to reach my highest level of success so far in my life. And it really changed my life to the point where I wouldn't be showing up to you right now as a coach. Had it. Not before the experience and the journey that I went through with that job. But this time, I was laid off on April Fool's Day of 2024. And it wasn't just me, it was the entire team. I remember that morning. It was a 9am conference call on calendar. It was our normal weekly cadence of calls for our team. And I was like, you know what? I'm tired. I don't really Feel like getting on this call. I'll get the notes later. And my girl, she text me. She was like, she needs to be on this call right now. I'm like, bro, like, why? So I get on the call, and when I get on the call, I see my manager's manager's manager, and I'm thinking, oh, shoot, what is happening? And they repeated what they said, and they said this. Your department has been eliminated. And I remember thinking, oh, my God, this is crazy. Like, there were other layoffs happening in the organization. And I talk about that on different episodes about how to watch and notice what's happening, to know that maybe it can impact you in some type of way. But I really didn't think that it would happen to my team. And so I turned the video off. I put myself on mute, and my husband was outside of my door, and I opened the door and I was like, babe, guess what? He was like, what? I was like, I just got laid off. He said, man, quit playing again. It's April Fool's Day. He's like, we're playing. I said, I'm dead serious. And he ran back in the house, and he was like, oh, my God. Like, he's seeing me on the camera with the other team, and he's listening, ear hustling and listening to the conversation. And he realized, this is real. And on that day, I said to myself, I'm not rushing to the next thing this time I'm going to choose myself. This time I'm going to do what it is that I truly want to do. Not going back into an organization that will eventually let me go again. Again. I'm not saying that was the best decision. There was a lot of trauma that came with that. There was a lot of things that I was like, oh, shoot, I just lost a job, and now I'm losing another job. So there was still a lot of trauma from that. I never really settled in completely into that organization. Like, I got a parking ticket for my car. I never actually stuck it on my car because I was like, anytime I could be let go, and I don't want this on my car forever. Thank God I didn't, because I didn't want that sticker on my car forever. But there were things like that where I just never really settled in because of that trauma. But the second time around, I said, you know what? This is going to be different, and I'm going to choose myself. I will not be caught up in the same situation I was in the first time. And so here I am now in 2026, two years later. And as I've reflected on this journey that I've been on with choosing myself and saying yes to the things that I really want to do, not running back into an organization, but supporting them as a third party, I, uh, have thought of some things and some things that I feel with so many people being laid off these days due to AI or other things, with so many black women who lost their jobs, you know, in this new president, government, administration, administration, I have come to realize that there are some lessons that I have learned and I've navigated and thinking through this episode or thinking through this series, as I was thinking about all, uh, laid out, all of the things that I was going to talk about that I am going to talk about, I realized that there are some things that I understand clearer now that I didn't understand in 2014 and in 2024 that I want to share with you today. Because I think it's important that in any transition, in any shift or any change, we take a moment to take it in and we slow down. I see too many people and organizations just move right into the next thing and not take time to settle into themselves and to really understand who they are and what they want to be. And what does it look like to start a new journey and a new identity going forward. And so the first thing that I want to create awareness around is this idea of grief. Now, I don't see many organizations making space for their employees to navigate grief. With any layoff, with any sudden shift or change or decision that was made on behalf of you without your input, there's going to be a lot of grief, and no one talks about it. We decide that, or organizations decide here we're going to eliminate this department, or we're going to eliminate these individuals, because it makes good business sense. You've probably heard of that. And at the same time, we don't think about the human side because, of course, these organizations want to have an roi. They want to ensure that they have some profit. They want to stay in the black at all times and sometimes letting go of some of the expenses, which seems like the right decision. However, that decision is often met with a lot of grief. And whether you are directly impacted, meaning you are the person being laid off or indirectly impacted, it is something that we need to just say, this is what's happened. This is the reality. And instead of just writing out our communication plan and what we're going to say and how we're going to deal with the Exit and what the exit interview looks like, we need to be asking ourselves, how are we going to make space for the human side? Now, when you are losing a job, there is an impact to your identity. First and foremost. We all have a workplace or professional identity that we have, that we hold on to. As you heard me say, like my last job, I had the identity that. That was the most successful career move or career progression that I've ever had so far in my life. And so there's an identity that comes with that. The identity of the name of the company, the identity of the type of work that I do, the identity of the amount of money that I'm making annually. And I have to, you know, grapple with the fact that that's all being taken away from me, not my choice is being taken away from me. And I start to think of, like, grieving, grieving this identity that I'm losing that I don't want to lose. I'm not gonna say it feels like when somebody dies, but there's a piece of you that starts to question, are you still as good as you thought you were? How are you going to move forward? Is, are people still going to respect you because of the title you have? Which is why I'm such an advocate for leadership beyond a title, which is the name of this podcast. But I like to talk about many different things, including even on my sub stack, it's off the org chart is the name of my sub stack because I believe that it's not about the title, the org chart, the hierarchy. It's about the individuals that come together from. For a similar purpose and to meet certain needs and demands of the people that they serve, not the title. If somebody is in the middle of the road because they've had a heart attack, let's hope we don't just say, where's the doctor? But somebody says, let's all come together. Somebody call nine one one, Someone stay with the person, someone start to, you know, do whatever they have to do, um, to ensure that the, the, the perimeter is cut off so nobody comes through or drives through or whatever. Right? We're not saying what's your title? What's your title? What's your title? Everybody, all hands on deck. And that's exactly what I mean when I say, like, you don't need a title to be most effective, but there's an identity that comes with that, uh, title for sure. And so there is this impact to your identity. And whenever there is an introduction of fear or uncertainty when it comes to Layoffs, you start to make a hit on your identity, but also your psychological safety. And so when organizations talk a lot about psychological safety, if you lay off an entire team, you have the rest of your organization who are. Who is thinking, oh, my God, what's going to happen to me next? So they're in fear mode, and then they're uncertain about what's happening next because leadership goes radio silence. There's not a lot being said, and we just say business as usual. And so there's a grieving process that we need to recognize, and we need to say, how do we deal with this and create solutions depending on your industry. Last year, there was an organization that reached out to me and who had just did some massive layoffs. And they came to me and they were like, hey, you know, we done. We've done these massive layoffs, and we would like you to come in to talk to the people who are still there. Because the reality and the thing that we don't talk about a lot is workplace survivor syndrome. These are the people who are grateful that it didn't impact them, and they're grateful that it, you know, that they're still there. But at the same time, there's like, oh, my God, like, how did I survive? Like, I don't. I don't understand how I survived this. And so there's a little bit of guilt that's happening. And whenever you have guilt and then uncertainty and fear, you start to impact psychological safety. But you also are opening yourself up to low morale, to a, uh, drop in productivity, to people, you know, not speaking up and saying what needs to be said or being creative or innovative. They're like, let's just do the things that we've always done the way we've always done it because of that fear and uncertainty. Uh, and so if we don't take the time to grieve properly, we spend time like, I spent 10 years at the next organization not wanting to put the sticker on my car because I was always in fear and uncertainty that what happened to me before could happen to me again. And granted, it did happen, but I'm also of the belief now that thoughts create results. And so there was a part of me that is saying now, like, was my thinking creating the very thing that I was trying to avoid? I'll say that for another episode, but I do believe that that indeed was a possibility. And it did happen to me. In my role now in the grieving process, there's also me just realizing that I was losing a sense of Purpose. I questioned the first time, like, what am I supposed to do? I don't know what to do. Whereas the second time I was very clear because I had done so much work and I had taken so much in and develop of myself so much. Because in my mind I was thinking, you know what if this happens again, at least I'll be equipped. At least I'll have a, uh, better position. At least I will be seen as someone who has a lot of value. And so I was a little bit more ready. I say that the September before, the April Fool's Day, the September before, I had started to put into motion my journey into entrepreneurship. And so for me, it was an easier choice. However, it's not like that for everyone. It's not like that for all of you. I believe that there is a sense of like, what is my purpose? I remember coaching someone who had lost her job and she was like, I've been with this company for 20 plus years and I don't know what to do next. What is my, what am I supposed to do? I have no idea. Is this even the right occupation, that right industry, the right job, the right place that I should be going? And so it happens. And but if you rush into the next thing, you don't have the time to really be thoughtful and think that through. And so my, I encourage you. My recommendation is to take a moment to really think about what you want to do next versus just jumping into the new thing. Because your sense of purpose will look different. I believe your purpose stays the same over your lifespan. However, the way that it's executed on can look different in different circumstances. So for instance, if you are a person who is supposed to be a healer, let's say healer, and your purpose is, I am going to heal black women. In one season of your life, healing black women may be be you stepping into the role of an educator. And another season of your life may be you're stepping into a person who is a massage therapist or a person who steps in and you are going to be a preacher, right? So there's different ways that your purpose carries out, but I believe your purpose stays the same. And so the question mark becomes, how am I supposed to execute on my purpose? I think a lot of us try to switch into an entirely different role or a different like, modality. And that's not what you're supposed to do because there is going to be a calling. And so as all, uh, you know, all of you should be figuring out what is my purpose, what is the thing the overarching thing that I'm supposed to do in the world that God has said, this is for you, this is what you're supposed to do, and figure out how it's supposed to be executed on at any given stage or season of your life. Leadership looks different in every season, which is the point of this, this summer series. And so I'll say just to wrap up like this grief part is that there is going to be a loss of sense of purpose. There's going to be a loss of your daily structure. You're waking up in the morning, you're driving to work, or you're taking public transportation, or you're taking a bicycle or walking to work. There's going to be an impact to your financial stability. You're asking yourself, what do I do? What's. What's next for me? And you have to kind of think about that through and through. And then your professional identity. Am I still the person that people respect, call on, believe in? That impacted me a lot the first time and even some the second time. I was. I didn't want to tell people I was laid off immediately. And some people, when they found out, they was like, oh, shoot, you was laid off. Like, what do you mean? Because there was the sense that I was thinking, like, will people respect me or think I'm still worthy or. Well, they think that it's like, I didn't know my job or I wasn't, uh, disciplined enough, or I didn't do the right thing. And so there was a little bit of that. I realized that was my thing to deal and deal with and navigate. And so I have done that, and I don't feel that way anymore. Hence I'm talking all about it. But there is, for people, is understanding what is my professional identity now. And so the point of this point of grief is that I want you to take a moment to slow down, figure out these different areas of grief and what's happening for you and what are the things that you need to solve right away, or what are the things that you can sit on and kind of really think about because it's no use to you or to anybody else to just rush into the next thing without actually understanding and knowing what it is that you want to do next and to do something that you feel good about. That's the point. Don't rush into something because of fear or survival. I've talked a lot in my sub stacks and in my podcast about the burnout that women of color experience that are like three, four times Greater than anyone else. And it's because we're always at the edge of our seat, seatbelts on, you know, on a roller coaster. I always say when I'm on a roller coaster, I'm like, oh, my God, it's coming. The drop is coming. Oh, my God. And I'm just sitting there for so long. Heart is, like, pumping, and I'm trying to catch my breath, and the cortisol levels are out of whack. That is how sometimes we look at our careers and we're just going, going, going, trying to survive instead of saying, you know what? It ain't me. Because the second point that I have is that when you're grieving, you start to side eye the organization. You're going to side eye the organization and say, wait, hold up. What's up, uh, with these Fortune 500 companies? What's up, uh, with these organizations that are big corporate environments and do. Can I trust them still? When you leave a company that you felt that you were giving your all to, and in return, the only thing they can give to you was to let you go, you start to wonder, like, what's up with these jobs? What's up with these people? And there are so many things, you know, I just want to be clear that there are so many things that are happening when it comes to organizations that have a lot of prejudice and bias and racism, capitalism, all of those isms are factors. And so sometimes it ain't about you, and it ain't even about the dollar. Sometimes it's all about this color of your skin or the gender that you are or your sexual orientation. And people, they get grimy and dirty like that, and they won't choose you for those very reasons, or they'll let you go for those very reasons, which is why a lot of women of color, we don't go into organizations showing all of our cards. We're not going to talk about our weekend every week, because why, if I let you in into my life, into my world, and you start to understand what I do, you may use that against me one day. Oh, she's not like us. She's a little ghetto. She. Oh, those are the type of things she does on the weekend. She's not like us. They not like us. Right? And I mean that, uh, you know, with all the seriousness ever. But it happens. And you start to think, like, these people didn't really care about me. I didn't really matter. I was an administrative assistant at the time of my first layoff, and I thought, oh, they don't care about my little level. I'm making the least amount of money. So, uh, it's a pinch or it's a drop in the bucket for them to get money back. No, they did this because of who I am, because of the black woman that I am, not because of my skills. I've been with this company for 15 years. What do you mean I don't have any skills? Y', all, hey, wait a minute. Y' all brought me into the corporate space, so I knew I had the skills, but there was a part of me that felt, and I don't have anything to back it up, but there was a part of me that felt that there was something underlying why I was let go. And so I'm thinking I'm being loyal to these organizations, but they aren't being loyal to me twice. Two times, two different industries, two different organizations, both are not being loyal to me. And you know, we all have that belief if I go to work, I'm going to get in return a reward because I showed up and I delivered and I did my job well. And so I. The part of the grieving process, process is not only questioning yourself, but it's questioning that organization to say, wait, hold up, uh, what you trying to do? Why you treat me like this? I don't trust you. And so you go into the next organization with a lack of trust, with a lack of safety. And so what happens, especially when we talk about workplace survival syndrome, some of the signs that you're in that is that you do extra work to prove that you're, you're the best and so that you won't be laid off or when it comes to like psychological safety and things like that, you'll decide for yourself that you're not going to speak up, you're not going to give new ideas because guess what, we just don't go with the flow. Because if my idea messes something up, I might get laid off. And things are added on top of that. And you start to feel even more or less trusting of the organization when you are being let go. And the only thing they can focus on is your package, your exit interviews, collecting the company Property, Signing, Signing NDAs or Non Disclosure agreements. And you're like, check this out, I did all of this and this is what I get. You don't even give me the proper goodbye. You're just like, peace out, you're out of here. And that's so not fair. And so you have to wonder, and I want to normalize that you are going to feel like the company did you wrong and you're going to side out organizations and you're going to look for different things that are going to prove that. And it's something that you have to work on. Which is why I say, don't just run into the next organization. Take a moment for yourself, grieve through the process, because at that point, you are in fight, flight and freeze mode. In the book by Viktor Frankl, he says there is a pause between the stimulus and response. Something happens and there's a response. But between that is a pause, pause. And we have to consciously make choices as leaders and not just go off and just do things from our gut and just be like, oh, we're just going to do that. Yes, we have intuition, our gut tells us things, but we need to sit with that and we need to think it through and pause, evaluate it and really meditate on it, pray about it. Whatever you have to do, don't make the decisions unconsciously because that's when things get fuzzy and messed up. Okay? And so, yes, you are going to feel this way. You're going to grieve the organization that you're not going to trust anymore. But here is the thing. Advocacy and leadership is the requirement. It's not the exception. Advocacy and leadership is a requirement, not the exception. You have to be so willing to advocate for yourself, not just for a new job, but saying yes to yourself, yes to your new adventure, yes to your new goal, yes to entrepreneurship, yes to the gap year, yes to being on unemployment for a while, yes to not working at all, yes to yourself, whatever that looks like, yes to early retirement, whatever it looks like. You have to be willing to say yes to yourself and advocate for yourself. You also have to be willing to slow down, slow down, take space and start to plan. Plan. Because I think what I didn't do between both jobs and both layoffs is that I didn't plan, uh, or before the first layoff and into the new job, I didn't plan well. I just like, I just gotta, I just gotta get into it. And I never dealt with the loss. So I brought all of those baggages into the new organization. And, and yeah, I said I was going to do things different. I was like, I'm going to talk to everybody. I'm going to do all these things. And that worked for me very well. It got me to where I needed to be. I am grateful for that. And had I planned a little bit more, I probably wouldn't, would not have went straight into the administrative assistant role, I probably would have said, you know what, I have a degree and there are some things that I can actually do and I'm going to slow down and I'm going to explore those things. I'm going to talk to more people because that's important. It's very important. And it's exactly what I did the second time, which is why I'm such at a better space right now with the layoff. And it's been two years now. And I'm so much better for it because I took the time and I made a decision that I was going to bank on myself and I was going to advocate for myself. And nothing's gonna stop me. I'm all the way up. That song is coming in my head. Nothing can stop me. I'm all the way up. So that's coming in my head right now. But that's exactly how I felt. That's exactly how I felt. I didn't fully settle into my job or settle into my work. And I realized that, you know, hindsight is 20 20. And I realized that afterwards I got on that campaign trail and was like, I'm going to do my thing and I'm going to inter going to get a job. And it's not what was necessary at that time. I think about more time with my children, more time to, you know, just be with them and experience them. And so much of what I'm able to give my two younger kids I wasn't able to give to my two older kids. And I wish I would have had that, but I was. So for a good reason, I'm not making what I did bad. It's what I did. I. It's the information that I had at the time to do what I needed to do. But I want to share with you right now that you don't have to rush things. God has a plan for all of us and you're going to be okay. All things work. All, ah, things work. And the work that you put in will have to work regardless. So whatever you're choosing, if you've been working at it and working on, will have to work for you, period. And so get clear on what you want to do. Go all in on that and choose leadership. Choose leadership because leadership is a choice. It's a set of choices that you make to get to where you want to go. It's the things that you don't negotiate with yourself. It's the things that you were like, by any means necessary. This is what I'm going to do when you feel that way, and I've learned this through several coaches that I've worked with since being laid off, is that when you treat your next adventure as a non negotiable and a thing that you cannot fail, you cannot afford to fail, you're going to be successful. I think in organizations when we go into a job and I'm not advocating for a bunch of people to go be an entrepreneur, however, if this is your choice, I heard it somewhere online to the effect of when we go into a workplace and we are successful at the workplace, it's because we're already starting out with many resources. We already have a foundation of there's money coming into the organization. They already know their customer and their client and who they serve. They already have a team, the systems and tools in place, they already have that. And so you should be successful, you know, in the grand scheme of things. But when you're going out on your own, there's other decisions to be made and you have to think more about it because you don't have income already, you're not starting out with the team, you don't have, ah, everything figured out. The customer doesn't know you at first and so you're exploring and thinking about all the different things. But my God, what a blessing it is to be able to figure those things out and be in control of exactly what it's going to be. Of course there are things like the economy and nobody has to pick pick you to work with you, but you have a say. Like, I know it's working, I can look at my analytics, I know how I'm doing, I know what I need to do and what I don't need to do. I'm experimenting with this summer series. I'm experimenting with coming on the podcast and publishing on YouTube and doing a video format of this and doing it from talking points and not really scripted out like I used to do. And so I'm just like, okay, I'm a free flow and I'm going to figure it out. I'm going to see how it works and I'm going to learn how to be a better speaker, a better presenter. And I'm going to do those things like that because that's the point of life. It is to grow and to develop and not be handed everything to you on a platter. When we focus on being handed those things and we expect that to happen, that's when the hurt comes and a job is a means to an end. I think some people do have to be in a job. But I want to advocate. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Diversify your career. I've talked about this. Diversify that thing. You should have many different things that you can do and step into and ways to make money and ways to develop in, in and grow the skills that you need. I have started to do different things. Like, it's not just coaching, but I'm looking at the stock market a little bit. I'm eyeballing the stock market a little bit more these days. And I'm saying, you know what? This is past. This is passive money right here. I need to be working on this and learning this. I'm also very. I'm starting to get more back into, I'll say not more back into tithing and doing the tithing that I'm supposed to do. People don't know that. I named my youngest son Malachi Tie because I was a big tither during that time. I really believed in God to give me what I needed, and he did. Like I said, when I had, after I had my son and I was a huge tither, God gave me the greatest success of my career to date. And so I'm leaning back into that because I know what works, but I won't go down that list. I just wanted to share with you my story of being laid off. I wanted to normalize. It's okay to feel the grief, it's okay to side eye the organization, but at the end of the day, I want you to advocate for yourself. I want you to step into leadership and choose leadership. Because when you lead your life, when you have full agency of what you're going to do and you can see what you want to do, when you can look at the analytics and you can be the ultimate decision maker of your life, what a, uh, blessing it is. And even if your decision is, I'm going to be at this job and I'm going to do this thing, just always remember to diversify those skills in your portfolio. I hope this podcast episode gave you some tools and some techniques and made you think about some things. If you are somebody who is like, I want to work deeper with you, Tichina, I want to invite you into my one on one career lab program where I coach individuals one on one every week for 60 minutes and you get access to me in between calls. And we do this for three months. Many of my clients walk away and they're like, you know what? I feel like I have more agency over my career. I feel like I'M not scared of networking anymore. I feel like I understand my purpose because when I have all of that, they're like, oh my God, I can be there for my family. I have time with my family. I can watch my children grow up in in their lives. I could go back to school. I can do these things. I don't have to let my identity be completely shattered because of one loss, but see that one loss as a huge stepping stone to something even better and even m just even greater. Okay, if this is you if this is and this is something that you're interested in, be sure to click the click the link in my in the show notes and set up a call with me one on one on the call. We'll talk about where you're navigating. I'll give you some things that I think you should do and then you can decide from there whether or not you want to work with me until next Wednesday. Talk to you soon. Bye.