How to Brag About Yourself Without Sounding Like a Jerk | Ep. 139

Speaker A: I don't know too many businesses that are getting this right, but it's suspense and that is where your customers and clients live in anticipation of these moments of magic that you bring.

Speaker B: Welcome to King Moves. In chess, the king moves one step at a time. But that single move can change everything. Each week we explore mindset shifts in simple actions that could lead to the next breakthrough in your business and life. I'm your co host, Ethan king from Atlanta, Georgia, USA, entrepreneur, TEDx speaker and bestselling author of Wealth Beyond Money.

Speaker A: And I'm your co host Justin King, no relation to Ethan from Cape Town M, South Africa, entrepreneur, speaker and business growth strategist. Our, uh, journey crosses continents and cultures as we think out loud, challenge assumptions and uncover the small moves that create big momentum. Welcome to King Moves. Let's start the conversation.

Speaker B: So Justin, I know every once in a while we'll talk about what books we're reading. And right now I'm reading this book called the Molecule of More and it's all about dopamine. So it's a neuroscience book, it's by this guy named Dr. Daniel Lieberman. And you know, dopamine is the brain chemical that really drives human behavior. And it's an eye opening book because the premise of the book is basically like everything that we do is somehow driven by dopamine and uh, gets down into things we anticipate in expectations versus the reality. Love, sex, uh, creativity, politics, the politics, mana. Uh, I'm towards the end of the book's book now. I have mixed feelings on his approach and what he's saying about politics because he makes a lot of generalizations, but he's basically saying that some people have more of a craving for dopamine and that affects our behaviors in all of these different ways in life. So I figured it'd be kind of good to riff on that. I think it's a fascinating book and something that we could all use the knowledge of in our lives and in our business.

Speaker A: What's the uh. And you said you're getting towards the end of it. What, what, what's the thing that's jumped out to you that's helped you better understand your own life?

Speaker B: Well, I think about it a lot from a marketing angle and um, you know, getting booked, delivering a great speech, a keynote speech, delivering a great workshop. I think about it from the angle of how can I trigger this dopamine release in my audience and I kind of do it by been doing it by accident, but how can I be more intentional behind that? And Dopamine is released is the, uh, anticipation molecule. So when we're, we're going to. That's why learn. Learning something releases dopamine. Like, people feel great. You were talking about in a previous episode how, um, you got really great feedback from one of your recent talks. Well, people feel invigorated when they've learned something new. It's because it's in anticipation of what they're going to do with this information now, how their life is going to change for the better because of something that you just learned. So that's why learning is a, is a great, uh, dopamine release. So how can you inject more of that? You want to get, you want to build anticipation and excitement as much as you can. So if you go back to like, let's say getting booked or, or whenever you're marketing something, where can you inject the dopamine in there to show people the payoff for them in the future so that they can feel that anticipation? And then when they actually do experience that thing or, uh, learn that thing from you, they have the anticipation for their future. So more dopamine is released and these social media platforms have mastered the dopamine game. That's what keeps you hooked. That's what literally dope, right? People say, he's on dope. Well, it's dopamine. It's a natural chemical in our brain. Very, very fascinating topic.

Speaker A: I think what a lot of people don't understand or don't realize, let me say that rather, is that it's. It's the anticipation chemical. It's the, it's so the addiction. So gamblers as an example. The addiction isn't. Isn't when the addiction is the opportunity to win or the anticipation of, uh, it's. The addiction is pulling the lever on the slot machine or pushing the button on the slot machine. It's not the one itself. And that's crazy. And I think when you start understanding that it does shift things a lot. Uh, it's. It's getting out onto the road. I suppose that in a way it's loving the way. And I'm, I'm simplifying this, but it's. It's kind of in my mind. I'm seeing it also as becoming addicted to the process and not necessarily always focused on the outcome. If, if I think of it in a, in a different way as well. If we, if we're wanting to do things in our lives because we can, we can only focus. We can focus on the outcome or see success Dopamine. And I'm, I'm butchering how I'm linking this. But dopamine being linked to your, your success metric is the way that, uh, we, we, we think of things. But what we actually saying is that, that, that feeling that you should be addicted to is the process of getting to your success metric rather than, than the other way around. So I don't know, as I say, I think about it in a lot of different ways and how I can apply it in my life just to get myself to, to see things through a different lens.

Speaker B: Well, let's talk about a couple of things that just came to mind. Uh, I just got off a call earlier today about someone who helps people who are exiting their business figure out their next move in life. Because there have been so many studies that show levels of depression in people who have sold their business. Yeah, they might have millions in their bank account, but they're actually sad and depressed because they don't have anything to look forward to anymore. They don't have an identity. And that's the importance of dopamine. Like, you gotta have something that you're looking forward to because that initial wire, once it, once you've done all the travel or bought the thing, whatever it is you wanna do, that wears off too. So how can you weave that into your life? Is. So I noticed myself doing this now, subconsciously weaving in the dopamine. I planned a vacation, A, uh, family vacation. And I told my family, I gave them the plan ahead of time. I said, here's what we're gonna do. First, we're gonna go to Toronto, and we're gonna do this and this and this. And then we're go Niagara Falls, and we're staying at this hotel overlooking the falls. And then we're going to go to Cedar Point, which is the top, you know, amusement park in the world. And we're going to ride the world's greatest roller coasters. So that anticipation before you go on vacation, like, you, you're excited about it, right? Even going to the airport? My kids love going to the airport and getting on planes. Why? It's not. Because that's exciting. I mean, it's not fun to go through TSA and stuff, but. Or, you know, whatever. Going through this airport security, that's kind of boring and kind of a hassle, but they're excited about it because they know something cool is about to happen once you get to the destination. So all of having that next thing, and even during the vacation, we always had something to look forward to, because I found that a lot of times in the past, once you actually get to your destination, you're not as excited anymore because now you're there. So it's always, it's the looking forward to of things that keeps us like invigorated.

Speaker A: Yeah. So, so what is the, what is the through line? Why did, why did Dan, uh, Lieberman write the book the Molecule of what is he ultimately trying to, trying to get us to understand?

Speaker B: Yeah, that's a good question. Uh, you know, I don't really know his why minded. I would have to do some research on that.

Speaker A: Now when I ask that, I mean in your opinion. In your opinion.

Speaker B: Well, I think it's really, it's helpful to understand and this is what I'm always fascinated by human behavior, human nature, what makes us behave the way that we do. And most people don't know that it's driven by dopamine. We don't know why we're addicted to things. Why are we addicted to sex and relationships or gambling or whatever it is. And a lot of times once you understand what's happening on a scientific level, it makes it easier for you to then take control of that thing and make the necessary changes. Because otherwise you might just think to yourself, oh well, whatever. God just made me this way. When you really, really peel back the layers, you're like, oh, scientific dude. You're getting an actual chemical released into your brain when you do this. And if you know that then you can, you can reverse engineer it.

Speaker A: It's, it's interesting. So the, the one thing that's coming up for me now that I'm thinking of, that's, it's making me really understand very differently and this will hopefully resonate with, with listeners. You have, have their own business. Well, anyone has their own business. Even solopreneurs. You, you've got a customer, got a client. And it's uh, the, it's called the customer expectation pyramid. Have we spoken about it before? I don't know if we've spoken about it before because I've spoken about it so many times that I can't always recall if we, if we've chatted about it. But the customer expectation pyramid essentially has four levels to this, this pyramid, four four S's and I'll start on the second level. And the second level is satisfaction and that's feeling that, that we've done enough if we leaving our customers feeling satisfied. The problem with just leaving customers feeling satisfied is they will only be a customer. They'll only be a client until they find something, something better comes along, because satisfaction is not going to keep them. Uh, and the way I always like to describe that to customers is watching a series. And I'm saying, I'll, uh, say to them, if you, if you watch the, the first episode of a series and it was just, it was satisfactory, what is the first thing that you say? People will be like, yeah, it was okay. It was okay. That doesn't necessarily mean you're going to watch the next episode or invest the time. So that's important. So that's satisfaction. Then. If we go to the bottom level of this pyramid, you've got sacrifice. So sacrifice now is where we not delivering our promise to our, uh, customer or our clients. So now essentially what we're doing is we're asking them to sacrifice energy, we ask them to sacrifice money. We're asking them to sacrifice time and again. If we compare that to watching a series, if you watch a show and it's a shit show, the first thing that you say is, well, that's 45 minutes of my life I'm never going to get back. So we feel like we've sacrificed something. And then if we go up to the third level now this is where we start getting into. And this does link back to the dopamine. When we get to the third level, this is where we start getting to the place that we wanted to play. And that is a surprise. So you're wanting to weave in moments of surprise or surprise and delight, whatever we wanted to call it for our customers and clients. And again, if I take it back to the comparison with the series, now that's watching a show and suddenly you're like, holy, uh, shit. I did not see that coming, man. I. That, that's blown my mind. There's something to this series. There's something to this, this show. We've got you on the hook. And ultimately at the top level four of this pyramid and at the top, and this is where, I don't know too many businesses that are getting this right, but it's suspense. And that is where your customers and clients live in anticipation of these moments of magic that you bring. So that's where you said you use the word anticipation. It's the dopamine. And that's when, if we go back to the series, that's where you watch every single show because you like what is going to happen at the end of this run. There's a cliffhanger every single time. And that leads you to flipping, binge watch an entire an entire season, and then you straight onto the episode one of the next season. And that's because you living in anticipation of, uh, in this place of suspense. So that's what this conversation has brought up for me.

Speaker B: So list those again.

Speaker A: We've got bottom of the bottom of this pyramid is sacrifice. We just not delivering what we should for our clients or customer. Next up in the pyramid is satisfaction. So we delivering an okay job. We, I mean, we're doing what it says on the label, but that that customer client is only going to stay there for as long as they don't find something better. Where we've got to be living is moments of surprise as much as possible. And those can be small moments. And then if we get those right regularly, we. We find ourselves in suspense where that customer is living in. In anticipation of these moments of magic that we delivering for them.

Speaker B: Sacrifice, satisfaction, Surprise. Surprise and suspense. Okay, that's good.

Speaker A: I love it. That's it. Yeah.

Speaker B: Awesome. What's our king move we're going to leave people with here?

Speaker A: Sheesh. I'm going to say let make it very practical and particularly from a business point of view, but look for, as a start, look for moments of, uh, surprise that you can deliver to your customers. And if we can do that and we can do it on a regular basis, we'll hopefully tap into some of this dopamine that we're speaking about where people start living in anticipation of and that makes them excited to engage with you. I think there's something to that.

Speaker B: Yeah, I love that. Uh, yeah, weave in and surprise. And then I will add to that and say weave in the suspense. Let people know what's coming next, what, what is, how, what you're doing, whatever your offer is is going to benefit them so that they have something to look forward to. And then you got to weave in that next. Once you deliver on that promise, weave in the next thing. You got to have that cliffhanger. So get people addicted to whatever your product or service is. I love it.

Speaker A: Yeah, that's it. That's it. Uh, I like this. And those are great shots. Thank you.

Speaker B: That's a wrap for today's episode of King Moves. Quick favor before we go. If this episode made you think differently or helped you see your next move More clearly, take 30 seconds and leave us a review. It helps the show reach leaders who need these conversations. Remember, in chess, like in business, one right move can change everything.

Speaker A: Take today's action step. Make your move and build momentum. And if you found value in today's episode. Share it with someone who's ready for the next breakthrough. Don't forget to subscribe so you never miss our weekly conversations.

Speaker B: Until next time.