Stephen Tannos: The Wake-Up Call Every Dance Studio Owner Needs

Hello friends, I'm Amanda Bar, and I'm Rebecca Lubrennan, and welcome to Dance Principles United, the podcast. Together we are passionate about helping studio owners with the business of running their studio. Join us as we talk everything from marketing, systems, studio culture, motherhood, life and everything in between. This is the Dance Principles United podcast.

Welcome to the Dance Principles United podcast. It is back here and I have a very incredible human sitting opposite me. Super excited for this talk, the amazing Stephen Tannos. I got you to speak at Expo and it was so epic guys it was so epic and we'll talk about it and bits and pieces of it that I immediately organised for all my kids at my studio to see this talk.

I made my five kids my own children sit down and watch it because we got open media to record it for us. They loved it. It's so special and the reason that I'm so passionate about that talk is because I I think everyone needs to hear it. Studio owners, kids, everybody, because we all stop ourselves from succeeding through fear.

You and I are great examples of that, our entire life. Shining examples. Shining examples. And having to overcome that fear is such a great story to hear from someone like you, I think.

Yeah, you can tell them uncomfortable compliments. How much should I move? You're all just like, Yeah, look, I, and again, circling back to you, cattle prodding me into something, which I'm so grateful for by the way. Sounds like it's a bad thing.

It's a great thing. Everyone needs a back in their life just going like, do it, do it, do it, come on. You won't do it. You won't do it.

Where we are. Come on. And there's something we talked about. I mean, we talked about this about a year ago.

And I'm not, you know, not doing it because I, again, fear, yeah, yeah, yeah, I still very much experience fear to this very day Yep, I'm nervous before this podcast right just because I want to make sure I say the right things and Expectation and judgment all these things coming. It's the stuff that just goes round round round in your head I'm exactly. It's the stuff that's like was originally designed to keep you safe right from real friends, right like there's a polar bear outside Yeah, you know, I'm a Kag pass for example, I pass real fear Well, that's the worst one, by the way, that's number one feel.

I'm not even lying. I actually bought a magpie statue the other day to put in my house just like exposure therapy. By the way, I'm terrified of magpies. Anyway, but I yeah you you basically said to me like you need to be talking about because I'd be starting making little videos online just about you know my experiences with fear and how they kind of what lessons they taught me and how I very much face it to this day and that people were resonating with it because it was coming from someone who's still very much in it and doing it.

And I think to give that human kind of aspect to someone like myself is important because I think because of social media these kids just see so much success and it's my numbing for them because they just like because I don't know because I struggle with it too like all you see is this person's best moment, this person is that person, this person's, and little, you don't see any of like the 90% of the stuff that failed for that person to get to that place. Exactly. And the, this is the 10th time this person has tried this thing and this is just the one that people are latching on to or the amount of like self kind of negative self talk this person, you know, so I wanted to peel, peel the curtain back and peel the onion, the layers back of the onion to show the core of like what goes on in my brain and what has gone over in my brain and what I've learned from it and how much value there is in hindsight and being able to look back on it and maybe be able to help the kids now to be able to identify that feeling of fear coming up for me right now.

And what's on the other side of that if I push myself through it? And that's what the talk is. And you basically were like, we're doing it, this was in December, I think we met, maybe. We met it coffee around the corner where we just met today.

Yeah. You're going to talk. It's 55 minutes. It's a presentation, the keynote presentation.

And you're doing it. I've booked it in already. I'm going to announce you in like two weeks or something. So send me a photo.

Let's do it. And I was like, just like smiling through my teeth like, in my head, I'm like, oh, you're going to mess this up. You're going to be awful, awful, awful. What are we doing?

What are we doing? Why me? Like, you know, and to be honest, I was I was shitting my pants on a lead up to it. I was nervous because I did offer for you to catch up again.

And then you didn't. And I'm like, is he gonna ditch me? Because. I thought about, no.

No, I didn't think about it, but I knew it was very important for me to push through this one. Yes, I think so, because I think what you're giving people is like so amazing, so amazing. So I think you, as I said, I think you'll get less and less nervous the more, The first time I grew up on stage, I had, and this was a fair 10-minute talk in front of, you know, I was in a coaching company for Dance to Your Owners, and I had to do a 10-minute talk on how I'd developed, and it's tame, like terrifying business.

I went into the toilet and I was having a full-on panic attack, like I was like, I was close that morning, like, when I saw you, when I was, yeah. And I was shaking and, you know, and people would never think that about me now. They would never, ever think that I would even get a little bit nervous going, I still shoot my pants. I told you I thought no one would turn up to my talk.

Yeah, like I'm talking to the camera because yeah, I want to let the audience know. Yeah, like 600 people there. I'm not 600. Boy girl.

It was a very, very people sitting outside. I'm happy, but it was it was pretty epic. But same thing, spiraling in my head the whole time. No one's going to like it.

Yeah, all of that. And I get up all the time and speak. It looks so eye but not about this. Not about something vulnerable.

It's Yeah, it is very fun. It's sort of playing a character when I teach, to some degree. Yeah, of course. And that's got something to hide behind teaching your content.

This is like telling the story of my life and being vulnerable about it and unpackaging things and like. And then also the added pressure of it being like a room full of people that own businesses and like, and then so I'm like, why do I have the right to talk to these people that, you know, I'm running successful businesses and there's sat in the other and like, they he's going to look at me and be like, what's this punk doing? And it couldn't have been further from the truth, obviously.

But my brain just wants to tell me that. Like, and that's all fear is. Fear is just false evidence appearing real. Yes.

You know, you've heard that acronym before. Yes. Yes. Yes.

And that's all it is. You know, you're creating these scenarios because you're trying to protect yourself. You're trying to go, when I get there, I already know that this is going to happen. So I'm ready for it.

And all you're doing is just shooting yourself in the foot for the process and not letting yourself actually enjoy it. And I learned a lot from just doing that first one. And I'm doing the speech again today at your studio. Yes.

I'm very nervous again for that too. Right. But I know I'm going to take something from it. Whether it goes as well or not, whatever it is, because now I'm doing it for a room full of like dance studio kids.

So it's like, that's enough. It's different. It's different. Yep.

I don't get the same amount of laughs might not, you know, but I've got to learn to roll with whatever that is and find what that version is. And because the younger generation doesn't necessarily know. So you know, with that. So you think you can educate them a bit more online because a lot of people in that room at DTE were around for those parts of my story.

Yes. There were people there that you know Lee Winden and like yourself and like people that knew me at that time. Yeah. So they got a bit of vested interest as well.

Yes. But the speech went so well. I'm like I'm very very grateful for you for pushing me to do that. It's and I was worried about feeling the time.

and I ran over time and still have half an hour left, really? About a hundred slides left. Oh, I had, I definitely had about 30 slides left. I feel like it was so many more.

I had about 150 all up and I got through about three quarters, two thirds of it. Okay, I thought it was way worse. No, no, no. It looked like I was just like.

Yeah, it looks like you were just like scrolling through all these slides. People were like, keep going and it was the nicest compliment ever. Yes, so many people come up and said they wish that they, that you had kids going. I didn't know what was going on.

They can get you at their studio. Yeah. But you know, I see this as your own is all the time that either too scared to do simple things like put their prices up You know, even though they need know they need to the fear of putting their prices up because all their clients are going to leave them Which is never the case. Yeah, or the fear of we have to follow what everybody else is doing or we have to follow What the parents want yep, and you knew me back in a day where I was that person.

Yeah, that would do what apart from you You're like our stuff together. I was just constantly following the parents around and trying to make everybody happy And that is the worst thing to do and you're miserable. I was miserable and I wasn't making any money Yeah And they get their proofs in the pudding right when you start to actually separate and I'm saying all of this from I'm still learning all of this you know every day. Yeah The when you're able to like separate yourself from being controlled by the narrative in your brain.

Yes Then like that's where true like like success aside, that's where true success comes from, but like true happiness too. Absolutely. And I think true success can only be built from a place of like love and happiness honestly. Like there's honestly parts of business that aren't happy and on, of course, tell us right, obviously like it's, you know, it's a hard slog, but if like fear will just, it'll just absolutely diminish your ability to like grow Because you're just you're just you're just surviving really it's survival mode, you know, and you're leaving the experience.

You're living Proof of that. Yes, but I now I'm so true to myself. Oh my god, the business that I I'm happy to say good bye to a kid if they're not You know, and I but there's another thing like not all kids are gonna be right and the truth of it is to know that is is I don't know. That takes a lot.

Oh my God. That takes a lot to say I send you with love, you know, and I've learned to do that because you knew me back in the day. I'd be on the floor, bawling my eyes. Sorry, I just said yeah.

Anybody left like it was just tragedy and now I'm like, it's fine. You know, you see that the most successful businesses have that kind of mentality of like you need us more than we need you. Kind of that's a hard way to put it. No, but yeah.

You know, I mean like, or it's also just knowing that different people are going to go different. Yeah. Oh, everyone's gonna like you. And that's something I've wrestled with for a long time.

And I continue to, but I'm learning to shed that. So I get older, I think as you get older, it's a thing with age as well, isn't it? It is so is. You know, it's a tell us 16-year-old that.

Yes. Being a 37-year-old who's lived 20 years more life than they have is, you know, it sounds so simple, but I'm here to tell you what it's not. You know, it just takes getting up, failing, getting up, failing, getting up. And like how you get up each time like and you kind of get up a little bit more bruised But you've got a little bit developed more of a muscle and like feels like you can't get through it And then all of a sudden you get yourself back and then it happens like it's just the reality of it, but You you develop resilience over time, but it all comes from that place of fear right and facing the fear True like bravery can only happen if there's fear before it, you know, and that's why I want the speech to you know help push and illustrate the fact that everyone experiences it because you know people look at me as successful.

Yeah that's what kills me like you see people are like a whole Beyonce so lucky and you know they said about me or she's just lucky it's like yeah god yeah you know oh they's probably said about you you just you got that lucky yeah I get it whenever and that's what made it happen for you but it's so not well yeah you are a boy so it's easy like all this yeah and it's usually coming from people that are just trying to minimize what I'm doing to block themselves. Of course. But I also think people think that success comes from lack, but success comes from exactly what you just said.

I'll pick up, I'll pick up, I'll pick up, I'll pick up and over. It's people who have that resilience in them to keep going. And I know, yeah. And I know it's interesting because you don't see yourself as being resilient.

No, look, when you look at it that way, you actually are very resilient. Sure. Yeah, I guess I'm just learning this right now. This is what I was here for.

Pointings from Brett. This is my intervention. This is my mom gonna pop out from behind that TV. But yeah, look, I, yeah, because I've, I've very much, I struggle, you know, anxiety, all this, all this stuff.

Like, and a lot of it, maybe he comes from childhood or this, like, not feeling like I ever really fit in and like, so it's kind of carried with me. But I've also, I've let it carry with me for a bit too long and I've let it kind of hold me back a bit. And so I'm here to tell you that like don't it's a waste of time. It's a complete and utter waste of time There's nothing to be gained from it, you know just head down and do what you know is it is right because it's it's all There is absolutely, you know, it's all there is what was the most pinnacle turning point for you Like everyone has a turning point.

Mm-hmm. Do you have one? I'll tell you my turning point. Yep, while you're thinking of yours.

Yep So I have talked about this before on the podcast so I was going to a business coach and I was spending $500 a week to go to this business Coach and I didn't have $500 a week. I was single mom. The studio was not making money hence I was going to a business coach and I'd go there and I'd Cry for an hour about how hard my life was and you know, I was a total victim at the time and everything was so hard and after six months of doing this He sat down and he said to me that you can keep crying and I'll keep taking your money Or you can actually f****** do some of the shit that I'm telling you to do actually take some action And you might succeed and that was the biggest moment for me It was a slap across the face that I needed and I was like shit.

I'm just being a victim I actually need to do some of this stuff and that was the moment truly that I pivoted my business Yep Okay, and I remember that time as well. I bet you do. Well, that's when we were kind of as well as teaching a pause Maybe that was a bit after that, right? Yeah, because I remember when I would have been in touch.

Yeah, we were yeah, totally when I wasn't teaching a pause Anymore when which was when was that I remember when I we didn't leave but would I just I just moved on to You know you were too busy. There was such going on you were starting to get really big gigs and jobs and and I get that with teachers like it's always a phase you know totally yeah but I remember like I was like she's not gonna have this studio and it's miserable I was something else like and yeah and then I'm like all of a sudden you're posting these videos about you know inspiring other studios I'm like wait a you're wearing like a suit I'm like what what the hell what is this and you're like talking to talking really good stuff.

And then like, and now I'm like, you've built this whole business about helping it's unbelievable. It's the one idea of that's insane. That all came from COVID. Yeah, right.

Literally from COVID. So literally we were on the forefront of, well, I was on the forefront of Zoom because the guy I was seeing at the time was like, COVID's gonna happen. Everyone else around me was saying it's not. And he said to me, it's gonna happen.

And you need Well, it's just like late 2019, yeah, yeah, um, and you need your business to be prepared for it. So I kind of said, okay, cool, just get this zoom. And if you had the jump on that, you were like golden. Yeah.

So I said, we'll just get this zoom stuff going. We'll be organized just in case it happens. So I was on the forefront of that. And so I was in a teacher meeting with lots of teachers who are all panicking about COVID.

And I said, look, I'll start a page. I'll call it Dance Principles United and I'll chat to people on there about how to do zoom and Amanda and Nathan was super into it as well and we were really good friends so they came on and helped as well and then we started doing chats in there to studio owners. That's literally how it started. I'm not wow.

Yeah. That's how you met Amanda and I met them in the business. We were already friends but I said to Amanda and Nathan you guys are doing zoom. I'm doing zoom.

Let's go on. Oh my god. It's just end of that COVID thing. We realize a lot of people in there need it help and coaching and need it community.

So we ran a one-day course. This is crazy. We ran a one-day course at some little place in Sydney. I can't remember.

There were 30 people there. We talked and the night before we were having drinks and I said to them, should we sell these people something at the end? And they're like, sure, what do you want to sell? And I said like a close Facebook group will do tutorials for them.

So we got pieces of paper and what people's details on the pieces of paper. Just like running gun. And every single person signed that was in that room and that's how we started it. Oh my god.

Yeah. That was tribe. We started tribe. Yeah.

And then we've it's just snowballed into what it is now. It's insanity insanity. And I think that's a big thing too. It's like taking steps like that and going, I mean, we're going to like you with the talk.

It's like, you know, it's like expo. Like that's a big financial commitment during expo. Oh my God. It is like huge to hire that place out and we could have had no one turn up.

Yeah, international conventions end up, by the way, which they don't know is like, yeah, the premier venue and Sydney, like, yeah. And so like to take that risk is epic, but it's not letting, we could, we were petrified. Oh my God, of course. And like again, like that's what I've been proven to me time and time again.

But what is that number one time that stands out where you're like? Well, you don't really have that. Was it maybe by doing bicycles? Yeah.

It's two. Tell me the two. Okay, so doing bicycle on so you think and dance was a humongous because I was still a dancer and a dancer only, which nothing wrong with that, but I knew there was something else because I was I was very hard to like tame that's making it sound cooler than what it was. I wasn't good at taking direction, but I'm trying to say.

But I knew that's because I kind of had something else to say, maybe, didn't really know what it was, and then all of a sudden I'm given this opportunity on national television in front of 3 million people, which is what I was watching at that time when TV was a thing. To do a 30 second solo of my own creation, then like, what the hell? So I'm like, if I'm going to do this, I'm going to do it as big as possible. So I dressed as a bloody Bicycleist, borrowed my dad's leotard, did Bicycle race by Queen.

Yeah, it was. Yes, he still has it. He still has it. I need to put it back on and take a photo in it.

Oh, that is crazy. I didn't know that. It's a Spain national team. Yeah, I was wondering where you got that from.

Yeah, it was from the, because we were building an Olympian for the 2000 Olympics. Right. We stayed with us from the Spanish cycling team. So it was one of hers.

Right. My dabble wear it. Yeah. That's crazy.

That's what I want. It says it's spaniard and everything. So that was, and it was a huge moment for like, it was, yeah, very defining. So when I'm a Jason Gilkerson, you know, Jason Gilkerson coming up to me after and just like, you know, hugging me and just saying like, oh, my, like, you know, who's not all of mine still is.

And just it was truly defining. And then another one was just something that happened recently. I don't even, I can't even pinpoint who said it to me or it might have been in a video I watched. And it was just a simple phrase of like somewhat, it was like a psychology kind of thing because I've been, you know, trying to work his brain out for a long time.

And it was just someone saying like, and this is a harsh way of putting it. Yeah, but I'm going to kind of reframe it. And it's similar to what you just said, no one's coming to save you, which I took as stop waiting for that one thing that someone says to you to open things up for you and like be your pinnacle, your breakthrough moment, that's not going to come. But you can make the action yourself to start providing that moment for yourself.

And the only way to do that is to take action and to not wait around. And that was just before I did the speech and the things I'm getting myself into now. Yeah, and there's a bunch of other things coming. Stay tuned for that.

I know how exciting, which we can't talk too much about, but But I'm in a very different phase in my life. It feels like I'm starting to take social media There's a bit more of a thing and like really creating my own content and Really just trying to like Be in the driver's seat of my life because I feel like for the longest time I've been in the passenger seat for it, right and just kind of like Having other people like exploit is the wrong word, but having other people take my creativity for what they need and like me latching myself on other projects and like, now I'm like, how do I build something that's mine?

Not that. And that's fully mine. And then I'm fully invested in. And if it does well, great.

If it doesn't well, it doesn't do well, great, but it's both. It's on me. Yeah. And that's scary too.

But yeah, just the words, no one's coming to save you, which is harsh, but. No, I love it. And fear is still there, but you, Oh, God, yeah. Can I ever come at better now?

Yeah, for sure. And I have my seasons. And it's being aware of those seasons. And but also trying to safeguard myself now from like and this is something that we could all benefit from like this idea of like burning ourselves out and having to say yes to everybody like I'm trying to limit that as I get old art like.

I don't need to say yes. I need to learn that. Oh my god. It's a forever thing.

Even there's still things I'm saying yes to, you know. Yeah. We all. Yeah.

We're getting head nods back here. Well, you know, we all. I'm. We even talking about something before that I'm doing.

You're doing that. I don't know. I know because I said yes to it. Yeah.

Um, and I've got a lot better, but still not perfect and I think I'd burn myself out so much because I was doing everything for everyone but myself. Yes, and then you start canceling things. This is, I feel you. Then you're like, why did I say yes to that?

Now I need to cancel. Yeah, we're in to repeat. And then you're creating this reputation. And then you disappointed in yourself.

You think everyone's talking about you because you don't really know it's just like it's never ending brutal never ending Yeah, well, I can't wait to hear your talk again If you are listening out there and you think that this well, I'm telling you now This is something that every studio should have for your seniors to listen to it is incredible If you have a smaller studio combined with other studios. Yeah, I'm all about this I truly believe that you everybody needs to hear this talk.

Every teenager, in my opinion, who's a creative, should be hearing this talk. So how can they contact you? Text on the screen, sure. I think.

Just if you email me at info at steventonos.com and just obviously say it's about the speech and I'll be able to send you info back from there. So good. Gonna be epic.

You guys have to check out my socials to see how epic it is for sure. Thank you so much, steven. It was amazing. Thank you back.

That was an absolute pleasure. All right, hope you guys have an amazing week and we will see you all next week. Thanks for having us. We hope you enjoyed this episode of the Dance Principles United podcast.

If you'd love to learn more from us, we have a special offer just for our podcast listeners. Go to the link in the show notes right now to get two weeks free in Dance Principles United tribe. Who would love to see you there?