50 - Leadership is a fertile soil: mind, heart, and spirit - Mariana Valdez

Speaker A: And to me, good leadership, it's like that. It's providing that environment to the good group of people that you lead. All of those things can help you be more self aware. And I think just picking the one that resonates most with you and then getting to know yourself with the help of that, of that tool can be super valuable. And you knew in your body, in your essence, like this feels right, right to me. That's your spirit telling you this is right for you. And to connect with that inner knowing is to remove the training that we've received as socialized creatures, to think and to be able to say, huh, maybe my parents expected me to be a lawyer, but actually I want to be a dancer.

Speaker B: Foreign. Welcome. Um, I'm your host, Stefano. And this is When Leaders Talk, a podcast about leadership and most importantly about leaders. Leaders that they need to know themselves very well to be able to lead in an effective way. This is something we talk a lot about with Mariana Valdez, the guest of this episode. Mariana is a wellness and life coach and also she has worked for more than a decade in, um, Google. So she knows very well the corporate world and how to lead a team in a big organization like Google. Going back to self awareness, that's where Mariana and I really spent a long time trying to understand how people can really get to know themselves better. And also, what does it mean having self awareness? What are the dimensions of self awareness? And what I really appreciate of the conversation with Mariana is that we look at it in a very holistic way. So being a self awareness is understanding well, our body and our mind, of course our emotions, but also the spiritual dimension of it. I don't want to spoil anything, so I will leave this topic to the rest of the episode. To Mariana, also, we talk about vision and how to once again understand what is our vision in our, uh, life. So before I leave the floor to Mariana, let me remind you to subscribe to this podcast on any platform you're using right now, right now, and follow uh, me on social media, especially LinkedIn. And of course visit MasterYRC.com to have more information about leadership. There is a blog and about coaching. That's what I do well with. No further ado. Mariana Valdez. For Mariana, what is your definition of good leadership? What is a good leader for you?

Speaker A: Can I give you an analogy instead of a definition?

Speaker B: Oh yeah. Nice.

Speaker A: I love that because I think that definitions can be boring sometimes. Like the dictionary says, blah, blah, blah. But how I see good leadership is as good soil. If you go Outside for a walk in your neighborhood. Or if you go to a farm and you see flowers and plants and fruit trees and wheat and corn growing, and if they're thriving, if they're doing really well, they can only grow to their potential because the soil in which they grow, it's rich with nutrients, with water, with the right environment that that plant needs. And to me, good leadership, it's like that. It's providing that environment to the good group of people that you lead. And it's invisible work. Or it should be invisible work. We shouldn't go outside and say, oh, this, uh, soil looks amazing. We look at the plants, we look at the final work and the work behind that, or underground, it's almost invisible. And good leadership should be like that. It should be about the people, it should be about the work they can do under that vision of that leader were under that environment that that person provided for them so that they could grow to their highest potential.

Speaker B: Nice analogy. I like the idea of people flourishing, literally.

Speaker A: Yes, yes, exactly.

Speaker B: So, but you know, then staying with this analogy, uh, what are the, uh, nutrients, the water, the minerals you were mentioning? What is that the leader needs to become this fertile soil?

Speaker A: Yeah. And it can be so many things. And if you grab a book on leadership, and I'm sure you interview people on this, and you have read so many books about leadership, and there's so many things that different people recommend and that they have their, their own strategy. Um, but I feel like there are some things that apply to everybody, no matter what, no matter the company, no matter the movement, sometimes it's not a company, no matter the community. And those to me are things like self awareness. That's, that would be actually my number one. And I know that's something I've heard you talk a lot about too, so you might agree with me on that one.

Speaker B: Oh, yeah, absolutely.

Speaker A: And having a very clear vision. And I feel like all group leaders, and I actually wouldn't know which one to put as number one because I feel like some people with a clear vision, even if they're not self aware, they might not be the best leader in some ways, but they take people forward because they inspire them. Um, um, and, and that's that, uh, like without those two things, having any of the other people skills and knowing how to prioritize and time management, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera wouldn't be important if you don't have a clear vision to take people to. And if you're not self aware,

Speaker B: I agree with you as you mentioned self awareness is something that I talk about a lot. We, within the podcast, uh, and everyone else coaching is all about creating self awareness. Because I am convinced that it. For me, self awareness is really the starting point. Whatever you want to do, you need to have an idea what you are, uh, what you want, what are your strengths, what are your weaknesses? You know, also because that's the area of improvement, we want to be a better leader. So if you need to, if you know that I don't have good communication skills, maybe there's something that's something I want to invest my time on and my resources on it. What is self awareness? What is in this definition? How will you structure self awareness? I gave some indication, but I know it's. We can go much deeper than that, right?

Speaker A: Oh, we could talk all day about this and different people might say different things. And I think they're all very valid to me. It's knowing. And you mentioned your strengths. Knowing who you are, knowing your strengths, knowing what you're not good at, And knowing why you react the way you react. So I'm a big fan. There are so many tools to get to know yourself, right? I'm a, I'm a big fan of the Enneagram.

Speaker B: Right. Basically taking away my next question was like, oh, what do you need for.

Speaker A: Yeah, I can read your mind. I know where you're going. Um, no, I'm a big fan of the Enneagram and I. But, but I've done so many insights and disc and strengths finder and therapy and I mean, writing on a diary, like all, all of those things can help you be more self aware. And I think just picking the one that resonates most with you and then getting to know your with the help of that, of that tool can be super valuable. And with something like the Enneagram, you get to learn not only what your strengths and your weak spots are, but also how you see the world compared to how other people see the world. And you learn about those other points of view. And if you are in a position of leadership, that is just so important because without that information, we all tend to think that we see the view the world. We have a view of the world the same way that everybody else does. And that's very wrong. As you know. So having that opportunity to realize like, huh, this is how others perceive me, they might like I put in an example. There's one of the numbers in, in the Enneagram. And for those of you that are listening or watching, that don't know about the Enneagram. This is a, a system of nine different personality types. And they're all connected. It's beautiful because that, it's not only about like, oh, you're a one, you're a two. Actually we all have a little bit of all of them. But we tend to gravitate or we tend to behave in a way that it mostly describes one of the types, like one of the archetypes. And as an example, one of the types which is um, it's often called the controller number eight. These are people who are often. That's you. These are people who are often perceived, especially when they're in a position of leadership, like they're a manager. And they're innate as aggressive and too direct and sometimes even intimidating. And they don't try to be any of those things. They're just being who they are. They're just, they just have this powerful presence wherever they go. So they might think that they're being the friendliest leaders to the group of people they're leading and they're being perceived as aggressive by many. So having that awareness, having that recognition can um, be game changing. So to me that, that's to answer your question, that to me is awareness. Having the knowledge of how, how you act, how you react to others, and to take it a step further, how others perceive you and how others perceive the world.

Speaker B: Okay, well, first of all, let me, let me say that uh, I had the pleasure and the honor of having Beatrice Chestnut as a guest here in the podcast.

Speaker A: Yes.

Speaker B: And she's talking about Enneagram. She's one of the greatest expert on Enneagram. She wrote at least three, four books on it. And there are very, um, a lot of information on those books, but in a very simple way. So it's very manageable if you want. And I really suggest for those who don't know what the Enneagram is, to buy one of their books because it's um, it's very well breathing. So going back to you, since we're

Speaker A: talking about self awareness, can I say something there? Sorry to interrupt you, but since you're talking about Beatrice, I'm a big fan of her work and I actually listened to your podcast interview with her, which was really good and I also highly recommend it. She has a book called the Nine Types of Leadership. And going back to one of your first question which was what are those ingredients? There are no specific ingredients besides those big things that are important in general. In the book that Beatrice um, wrote about that, she talks about how Each of the nine personality types can lead beautifully in a completely different way because their strengths are so different. They can be more quiet, more reserved, more research oriented, or more outspoken or more people oriented. And they can all do a wonderful job as leaders in very different ways. But the key is knowing what those strengths are for you and then when also, you know, if you're more quiet and you need to speak up, like either learning those skills or finding somebody that can help you with that part. Um, so yes, highly recommend that book. Beatrice is great.

Speaker B: A book that I have seen in my bookshelf. Do you think, let's say on the Enneagram, a little bit. I was going to change since you mentioned again. So do you think that, you know, taking every type, there is, um, an environment that fits them better?

Speaker A: I don't know.

Speaker B: For example, I know that you are, um, a type three, an achiever.

Speaker A: Um, do you think, for example, everybody knows Stefano? That was my secret.

Speaker B: Okay, I'm sorry.

Speaker A: I don't care. I'm a type 3, social 3 for those that know a little bit more.

Speaker B: So do you think that Those like type 3 might be better as an entrepreneur? Type A, like me might be better as, um, I was in a military environment. Do you think there are m kind of organization where we can thrive and we can do better as leaders, depending on the type we are?

Speaker A: That's a great question. And my sense has always been, yes, based on stereotypes. Yes, from the outside. So if you only look at the stereotypes, like, oh, the, the number three, it's like all about achieving goals and like corporate. So definitely the corporate world would be the best place for somebody who's a three or four is more artistic oriented. So maybe not great for corporate. Those are the stereotypes. The truth is that once you get to know people in companies and get to know their types, they can actually thrive in, I think based on my experience and the books that I've read and the people that I've worked with and knowing their types and working with teams and their Enneagram types, they can thrive in any role as long as it aligns with them. Does that make sense?

Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, it makes sense. I mean, it makes sense, make a lot of sense actually. Also gives some kind of, if you want, um, a sense of adaptability. So you don't need to be a three to be good in the corporate world. You can be a one, a two or uh, eight, a seven, uh, anything. The thing is that you need to understand where you are, who you are and what kind of skills you need to hone to achieve whatever is success for you. Each of us has a different definition of success. So it's depending on what you want in your life. And staying there.

Speaker A: Exactly.

Speaker B: And, and staying there. So from 1 to 10? Yeah. If you have to grade your self awareness, where are you at now?

Speaker A: Mine?

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: Oh, uh, I think it would change depending on the day that you asked me. Um, I would say I might have five.

Speaker B: Oh, wow.

Speaker A: I still have a long way to go. And the more that I learn about myself, I could, I can tell you, like, I'm a type 3. I'm this subtype and this is what bothered me. And this is, uh, my childhood trauma that I've worked on. And these are the things that trigger me. So those are things that people would maybe put me at a higher number. Like, oh, but you seem to know a lot about yourself. But I'm still discovering a lot about myself. And um, in, in the work that I'm doing, I have, I have this, this model that I, that I take people through, which is about learning, like getting to know your mind. And that's all that we've been talking about, like all of our, uh, the mindset and. Or enneagram type and. Or strengths, et cetera. And also getting to know your spirit. And that's the part that I think, um, I'm still probably only in the 2 to 3 range. And also getting to know your body and honoring your body. So when you, When I look at my own awareness with that combination, um, I'm still learning a lot.

Speaker B: What's the spirit? What is, what is this, this dimension that we have?

Speaker A: Yeah.

Speaker B: Uh, I know it's easy to recognize the body, it's easy to see the mind, but what about the spirit? What is it? How does it contribute to what we are?

Speaker A: Yeah. So. When you. Like the easiest way that I could put it, and it is nothing to do with religion by the way, is if you can think of a time where you were so happy and you were so. Like a moment you've accomplished something or you met somebody and you knew in your body, in your essence, like, this feels right to me. That's your spirit telling you this is right for you. And then on the other hand, when you are on the fence about something and you don't know if like this job, it's still good for you or if this person, it's still good for you in this relationship and it feels like, uh, like what a lot of people would call gut feeling or that sense of a higher presence that Knows and it's trying to like communicate with you. Like, hey, this is the right path of the right person. Again, to me that's, that's the spirit. And um, I mean I know you, you're, you're certified with coactive and in coactive training and in coactive coaching we have this concept of the inner leader. Right. That inner presence that knows that it's all knowing, wise and, and that just has the knowledge of what is right for you and best for you. And it's not something that we can think about. That's why it's not part of the mind. It's, it's a knowing. So to me that's, that's the spirit. And I do tend to lean more towards the spiritual side with all of these too. So we can go deeper on that if you want or we can leave it.

Speaker B: Oh yeah, absolutely. That's what I was going to ask you. Okay. If you want to discover this side of your or um, who you are. If a person like me, anyone listening, wants to discover more about their spirit. Well, this, that is not surely the enneagram. Yeah, it's not surely. Probably the person that know them the most. So how can they find out more? How can they um, increase the self awareness on this particular dimension?

Speaker A: Yeah, no, that's a great question. And it's not a question that I have the answer to. I can tell you what works for me. Yeah. And it's uh, trying different things and going deeper with whatever resonates with you. Some people I've seen get to know their spirits more through religion and that it's perfectly great for those of them that they have found whatever religion they believe in that they can believe in something higher than themselves. I grew up Catholic, um, and I had not such a great experience with the church in particular in Mexico where I grew up. So I got uh, a little bit away from that. So my approach tends to be more on the non religious side of connecting with that inner wisdom, connecting with that knowledge that we all have. And that's a place that at least I've been able to go through to connect with when I meditate or when I practice breath work, when I do breath work sessions. And I feel like, oh my God, I'm connected with this higher sense of energy and life. Or a lot of people who do mushrooms, that's what they would define as kind of we're all one. That's that same sense that you can get through, um, in other ways. There's a few people that I would recommend for anybody who's interested in getting started through a non religious path. Marta, um, Beck, she's like a famous coach and she has um, a lot of really beautiful books. And one that I just, I love, I have it here in the back. It's called the Way of Integrity. And she, in that book she, she talks about her own journey and she connects it with the book the, um. Oh my God, um, I forgot the. Where Dante goes through the Inferno.

Speaker B: Oh, Divina Comedy.

Speaker A: What's. Yes, Divine Comedy.

Speaker B: Thank you. I say Italian and.

Speaker A: Yeah, well he was Italian and I was thinking la divina comedian. Um, and she talks a lot about that because for her it was a journey of, of in, in her book and in her teachings she calls it the We. We are all socialized. You are socialized wherever you grew up. You grew up in Italy, I grew up in Mexico. We are socialized by our parents, by our cultures, by the time that we, in, in history, where we grew up, like this is expected of men or for women. And to connect with that inner knowing is to remove the training that we've received as uh, socialized creatures. To think and to be able to say, huh, maybe my parents expected me to be a lawyer, but actually I want to be a dancer. Or maybe I'm in this great position of leadership and I am thriving and making so much money and everybody's looking out for me, but I just want to quit and start a farm by the river and have chickens. And this is what my inner knowing is telling me I have to do. So it's like in order to get there, you need to be able to get to that place somehow and remove the social training that we've received. Which is the hardest part.

Speaker B: Oh yeah, absolutely. Well, and some people have been able in their story to really disconnect, to find their own strength without training, without. And um, discover what they really meant to be. And in a way what you're saying seems like the spirit, it's connected to your life purpose. So it resonates the moment you do something that really fulfills you and you are there and you feel it. And that's when you have this uh, guts, feelings and all those vibration if you want. And as you mentioned, it's not just a religious, um, so if you want paradigm. Actually all different religions, they call it a different way. And even atheists, they call it, they have a name for it. By the end of the day it's kind of. And there is a beautiful book that I read, I would recommend. It's called the Souls code. And it's all about this. It's all about stories and of people who have been able to really discover their life purpose, despite their parents, despite their friends, despite their teachers. Because everyone around us, they contribute in a way. And I know it's hard to say, but they put us on a track. There might be no hours. They think they're doing a favor to us, they're helping us, but maybe they're not, right? So we have. I recently had a conversation with a young adult, and he told me, well, I feel I need to have a degree, a university, because this is what I, uh. Other people are expecting me to, to have right, to. To achieve. In reality, I want to do something else. There is something inside of me that is pushing me towards something else. I think those are strong testimonials of if once we are able to connect with this inner self, the inner leader, this life purpose, the soul, you can call it in so many ways, then you really find the energy, find the motivation, find the courage, find everything you need to get in that direction. And that's your unique direction, is your path.

Speaker A: Yes. Yeah, you said it beautifully, Stefano. And, and something that I believe is that we all have that inner compass. And you said it like we, it. We know, like it feels good when we are doing something that we're supposed to be doing, that it's aligned to our values, to what we are like, deeply connected to. It feels like our purpose. And it gives us so much energy and we get excited. And the great thing about it too, is that if you are a leader and you are connected with that part, with your inner leader, with your spirit, with your soul's purpose, that doesn't stay with you. People perceive that somebody who's really connected with that, it's magnetic, it's attract. Like it, like you just want to be near them, work for them, like believe what they believe because they, because they. You can see they believe in that, as opposed to somebody who might have all the skills to be a great leader, but it's not aligned with that. Part of themselves doesn't have that. And again, we can perceive that in others. So going back to the team of leadership, like that would be very, very important.

Speaker B: It's a sweet point. It's a sweet interaction between passion, between talent and as the Japanese will say, with ikigai, also will be your mission. Uh, now it's something. It's very hard to find. Uh, it's easy to say. We can put philosophical words in our mouth, but it's freaking hard and if someone like you, who spends a decent amount of time trying to understand who you are, what you want to be, uh, consider yourself justified, that means normally a person, people like, like me, who probably doesn't meditate as I should, is probably 3, 2, or even less. Do you actually think there is someone who is able to reach the 10, like full total self awareness?

Speaker A: Not humans. I think, um, maybe somebody who. And I don't know if they can truly be enlightened, but I mean, it's. It's maybe some monk in India meditating on top of a mountain somewhere who has reached that level of not even recognizing themselves with their ego. Maybe. But for those of us normal humans living a normal life, I don't think so. There's. There's always something to learn that's just part of the human experience. And we also have so many blind spots. Like we. How could we know it all? Like there's. There's things that people perceive about us that we don't even see. Have you heard about the Johari window?

Speaker B: No.

Speaker A: No. So it's this quadrant of things I know about myself and then things others know about myself. So. So you have four pieces. What I know about myself that others know about myself. Like, these are things that my name is Mariana and that I'm an extrovert. Like everybody knows that knows me. Then you have things others know about myself that I don't know about myself. So these are things about how I react when I'm upset, maybe, or the funny quirks that I might have that I don't even notice, but others notice. Then things that I know about myself that others don't know about myself. So maybe my secrets that I wouldn't want you to know or are more private things that I don't want to share with the world. And then lastly, things that I don't know about myself and others don't know about myself. So these are things that I haven't discovered yet, and maybe I won't ever discover. Maybe these are talents that if I'm not exploring, um, I will never find out that I was meant to be this great guitar player or singer. I know that I'm not supposed to be a singer, but maybe some people have a great voice and they haven't discovered it. So there's a lot that I don't think one person could discover it all in a lifetime.

Speaker B: Nice. Well, thank you for this. I didn't know about it. Harari window, you say?

Speaker A: Johari window, I think.

Speaker B: Johari. Johari. Okay. I'm gonna write down. Okay. And um, okay, let's, let's go back to what you said at the beginning about, you know, the leader, the self awareness and then the vision. That is the second main component, if you want, of uh, a leader. First of all, let me ask you, what is your vision? What is that you want to achieve in your life or in the next five years?

Speaker A: That's a big question.

Speaker B: I know. That's what we ask you.

Speaker A: Yeah. And my thing, and this is why I became a coach because um, I know like we all, I believe we all want to have a positive impact in the world in one way, one way or another. And it could be in very different ways.

Speaker B: Right. Positive is very subjective and

Speaker A: some people do like we all think we're doing the best. Which might be different definitions for a lot. But anyway, in m. I've always gravitated to wanting to help others reach their full potential or reach their purpose. So for me right now with the work that I'm doing and that I'm developing, my vision is to help or to, to take others to a place where they can connect with that part of themselves. And live their best life. And if I can do that with one person, then I'm happy. But my goal is to do it with more than one.

Speaker B: At least two.

Speaker A: At least two, uh, one and a half.

Speaker B: That's a beautiful vision and I guess something many coaches like I do. I know we share at least in some principles in a general way then we might reach, we might kind of uh, design our path in a different way. That's our point. But still the vision is to support help other people. And as we did for self awareness. What are the tools that you use or you recommend for someone who thinks that they have not still a clear idea of what they want to achieve in their next five years, 10 years. What can they do to get.

Speaker A: Would it be more to what are the tools for them to define their goals or to learn more about themselves or to do both?

Speaker B: No, to define their long term goal, their vision. Sometimes I think the vision is always something that you will never get really there, but you will get as close as you can. Right. It's something that will always drive your actions in the future. Um, uh is pretty much close to your life purpose, but it's not the same thing. It can be aligned, can be not. Um, but um is kind of um. It's kind of the, the carrot they would put in front of a stick to have the horse run faster.

Speaker A: Um, fastest way to get there is to work with you or with me as coaches or with any other coach, honestly, like, having that support from somebody who's helping you guide you through that work, um, it's great. That's not the only way. Definitely. And for some other people, like, some books, and I recommend some that talk about designing your life and getting clear in your purpose. Um, I've used many books in many different stages of my life. Um, I'm a big, really big fan of workshops, too. And, and I feel like they, they sometimes can be like, like taking a Red Bull, like, you leave all bumped up, like, yes, I'm going to do all these things, and then the energy wears off. But if you have that support to continue with that work, um, workshops can be great. But if you're only going to do one thing for people that are like, yeah, that's all sounds great, but I'm not going to start working with somebody, and I'm not going to go to a workshop next week. If you could focus on just one thing, my recommendation would be find a way to define what your values are. There are many different ways. Again, books, podcasts, talk about this, writing, journaling, all great sources of knowledge. Find a way to define your values and then make that connection with the work that you're doing. Like, do my values, ah, align with what I'm doing right now? And if not, what can I change? And for my goals, how can I make sure that my goals are aligned with what I value the most? Because one of the top reasons why people come to people like us coaches is because they feel like they're stuck. They feel like, uh, oh, I don't really know. Like, I'm doing all the things that I'm supposed to be doing, but I'm not really happy and excited, and I don't feel like I'm living my purpose. And nine times out of 10 is because they're doing something that is not aligned with their values. So, again, the one thing, like, besides all of these wonderful resources that people can connect with would be to find out what your values are.

Speaker B: And values are a reference system. The beauty of understanding values that you really have. This is the North Star. More than one, actually. But, you know, and those are the things you will always refer to, even in the difficult mode, especially when things get tough. Right? So you, if one of the values can be integrity, can be, uh, respect, then you will. Even, even in the, the worst moment in your life, you will respect whatever the other person or their thoughts, their actions. So there are, There are, is really A kind of a way to do not get lost, um, within emotions or pulses, impulses that we have in our lives because it can get messy sometime. But if we know where the star is, we always know where to look at and we will always know where our destination is.

Speaker A: Yeah, and I would argue that that's also one of the most important things of self awareness. Like yes, a lot of it is knowing about your personality and strengths, etc. But, but another part of being self aware is knowing what's important for you. Right. And knowing what your North Star is. And they like. I feel like a lot of people think of values as almost as virtues, like things like respect and integrity and do no harm. But values can be anything really. Can be travel. Like maybe my top number one value right now, it's to travel. And that's the most important thing for me. And if I'm in a position where I'm not traveling, I'm going to be miserable. Or maybe my number one value is learning right now. And if I'm not learning, what am I doing? They can be anything.

Speaker B: Thank you for specific. Also, because like leadership, you know, you can Google it up, values, and there are plenty of definitions and even if any books, any book on leadership, they will tell you what the value is. But it's, it's, it can be slightly different. And I like what you just said because it's really something that is important to you. It can be, as you say, learning can be traveling, can be playing guitar. It can be anything that makes you feel happy, better, and um, on track, especially on track on whatever you want to achieve. Let's talk a little bit more about you. And I wonder if you look at yourself as a leader because you are a leader, even if now you work basically for yourself, you're a mother, you work, uh, for Google for a decade. So you know what leadership is. And that's why we're having this conversation. What is the one thing you're struggling with about leadership? The one thing that, you know, you're not very good at and still, you know, having some problems to get better at, If any. Of course

Speaker A: I've had to learn to be a good listener because normally I'm a talker and I'm to actually be with somebody. And I think this is an important part of being a good leader, to listen to others. And, and it's not something that, that has come naturally to me. So I've, that's something that I've definitely have to learn. I think I'm much better at it now. Um, something that I struggle with at the moment is prioritizing. I get excited about too many things and too many projects. And, um, then I start working on something and I'm making progress and something shiny comes up and I'm like, oh, look at that. Let's explore. That looks fantastic. Um, and. And I wish I had the time to explore everything, but we only have 20 hours in a day. 20 hours. 24 hours. Not 20 hours.

Speaker B: You need to sleep sometime at least four hours.

Speaker A: One thing that I, I definitely need to make more improvement on

Speaker B: listening. Okay.

Speaker A: Young little kid.

Speaker B: Oh, yeah, yeah.

Speaker A: Excited.

Speaker B: You're right, you're right, you're right. And actually I can say that I'm a witness of Mariana's enthusiasm for new things because we know each other now for a year and a half.

Speaker A: Pretty much two years.

Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah. A couple of years actually. Was doing our coaching training and I was. And then we stay in contact. So. Yeah. So what is that you're doing to get better there? What is that you are trying to apply to be a better listener, uh, or to prioritize better?

Speaker A: Uh, to be a better listener? It's practice. And there were so many exercises that I did when I was in my time at Google. They were great. Where we would like sit. And you might have done this in your time in the Navy too. You have to sit with somebody for a few minutes, listen without interrupting and then repeating back to them exactly what they said. And, and that was hard. Like listening to somebody for two minutes, two minutes, no stops, no interrupting, and then being able to, uh, not, not think about, oh, I'm going to answer this and I'm going to answer that. So a lot of practice, any coaching, it's like a big part of coaching is listening. That's, uh, something that it's just practice, practice and knowing that it's important. Prioritizing, prioritizing. I wish I had a good answer for you. Give me something. If you have a good tool, I'll try it. If anybody listening has a good tool, I'll try it. Because that's been the biggest struggle for me, going from corporate to being an entrepreneur in corporate, you know what the priorities are. Have to prioritize your day, your time, your team. But from a company perspective, like, you know what needs to be done. Like, especially if you, if you're in sales, like I was in the sales Org, like we have quarterly goals. When you're self employed, you are not accountable to anybody other than yourself. So, like looking in a thousand different Directions, it's for somebody like me. It's easy. Um, so I'm still figuring it out. Stefan. I've tried different things.

Speaker B: Yeah. Can I give you a very quick advice?

Speaker A: Please. I'll take it.

Speaker B: And it's actually from the number one book for me that it's um, really exchange it. How I see, how I, I lead, how I behave. That is called the 7 Habits for Highly Effective People. And one of the habits is putting first things first. Right. And first things is, first of all you need to do the work that we actually mentioned earlier. Understanding yourself, understanding your values. So what is important for you. And whatever is important for you can also be important for the business that you're doing. So you have two categories, right? Pretty much. Or you can grade something based on importance. And the other thing is of course, urgency. So the sweet point is working for non urgent things, but important things. So whatever is urgent and important, you should avoid that in a way that you should manage your time to make it less urgent. Whatever is not important, either urgent or not urgent doesn't matter. It doesn't really deserve your time. And you can create a graph. It's not just important or important, of course, it's how important it can be. And there are methods to assess this also based on, as I say, what you're doing right now. But if you really put a chart and you track and you can uh, do that, you will understand how, where to invest your time. This is a very quick way to do it. I know there is, uh, I guess what is called the Eisenhower, uh, graph as well. They are very similar urgency, but it's that are very similar on this. I think everything starts with the self awareness we were talking about. And so we're circling back to what we said earlier. How does it resonate?

Speaker A: Yeah, no, I, yeah, I've tried a few of those for. And then they work great for a few days and then after a week I'm like, oh, back to something exciting over here for my website. Yeah, we'll talk more about that because I feel like you have a lot of great, great advice to give me on prioritizing.

Speaker B: Okay, so. And now we are going to the end of this conversation. So let me ask you the last question. So if some leader, new leader comes to you and ask you for, for a good advice and say, hi, Marianne, I need some good recommendation. I want to be, uh, a successful leader. I'm going to be a good leader. I'm going to be, I want to be a good soil.

Speaker A: Right.

Speaker B: This recommendation you will give to this person.

Speaker A: Mhm. I would say, going back to that analogy of the soil, get to know not only yourself, but your people. Right. So get to know, uh, not only all the ingredients that you have to offer and all the things that you don't have that you'll need maybe a little bit of help with. And then get to know the people. Like, what kind of plants are you going to have? What do they need? What's the. What's that environment that they'll drive in? And if you choose to work with the Enneagram, like getting to know all the different types, just to have an idea of how different people see the world. Um, and again, it doesn't have to be the Enneagram. Pick a tool. Pick something that can give you that different perspective that people have from different points of view. Nice. Nourish, M. Nourish your own soul, Your own soil and soul. Yeah.

Speaker B: Invest in yourself. Uh, you're absolutely right. And it's something that we. We forget. We are so taken by tasks, by family, work, and we forget about ourselves and how important is to nourish ourselves and to spend time in discovering more about ourselves and filling those gaps that we find. Uh, if there is a weakness, if I'm not good at listening or prioritizing, how can I. All the time I put into getting better at this is not wasted time. And actually the ROI can be very high. So. Thank you for saying that. Thank you for this beautiful conversation. There are a lot of things I'm, um, taking away from your words. First of all, is this spiritual dimension of self awareness, because we always think and see us as a mind and body. But it's more than that. Right? There is. There is another. Another level, another layer that we can add and, uh, what you call the urre. Um, window. That's. I like that. So I'm gonna. I'm gonna research more and take some information so I can use it in coaching as well. So thank you very much for having been with us, Mariana.

Speaker A: Thank you for having me. It was a lot of fun having this conversation with you, Stefano.