The Look & Sound of Leadership · 2026-03-05 · 24 min
Key moments - from our scoring
Substance score
50 / 100
Five dimensions, 20 points each
Tom Henschel draws on 30 years of executive coaching to address nervousness - one of his most frequently discussed topics. The episode centers on Ashish, a senior lawyer at a global firm who faced testimony in a billion-dollar case while battling a history of nervous word salad and blackouts. Tom outlines three core strategies: celebrate incremental improvement (noticing small wins in managing nerves), write happy endings (consciously imagining positive outcomes rather than catastrophic ones), and ignore your nerves (treat anxiety like a bully that loses power when you don't engage with it). He illustrates the "externalize your anxiety" concept through his own story of losing hearing onstage due to nerves, leading him to create the "sock puppet" tool - separating the self-critical voice from yourself so it becomes a choice to listen to it or not. The episode culminates with analysis of Emma Stone's 2024 Academy Awards acceptance speech, where she visibly wrestles her anxiety in real time on a global stage, demonstrating what mastery looks like after years of practice.
Tom recommends three strategies: celebrate small improvements in your nervousness level, consciously write happy endings by imagining positive outcomes instead of catastrophes, and ignore your nerves rather than engaging with them, treating anxiety like a bully whose power evaporates when you don't react.
Tom suggests consulting a doctor about beta blockers, which can reduce panic symptoms without eliminating nervousness entirely, allowing you to still perform effectively.
By naming your anxious voice and imagining it as something separate and outside you (like a sock puppet), you transform it from an intrusive part of yourself into something external you can choose to listen to or ignore, giving you agency over which thoughts to follow.
You consciously imagine positive outcomes and identify which worries are actually within your control; for those that aren't, you recognize you've invented a scary story and replace it with a more positive narrative, which directly reduces nervous feelings.
You can absolutely be nervous and still perform excellently - nervousness is just a body condition like hunger, not a predictor of failure, as Emma Stone demonstrated at the 2024 Academy Awards while visibly anxious yet delivering her speech.
Our reviewer’s read on each dimension, with quotes from the episode.
The episode delivers several concrete tools (celebrating incremental improvement, writing happy endings, ignoring nerves) that are genuinely useful for B2B operators managing presentation anxiety. However, much of the content consists of narrative storytelling (Ashish's testimony, Emma Stone clip) that, while illustrative, doesn't densely pack novel ideas. The core frameworks are relatively straightforward and could have been presented more efficiently.
What outcome are they imagining? If it's a bad outcome, focused on their weaknesses and what might go wrong, it makes sense they would feel nervous. But if they're imagining their strengths and where they're confident, there's just no room for nerves.
Nervousness is just a condition in the body, like hunger, thirst. You can be hungry and thirsty and still do your job, right? Well, you can be nervous and still do your job.
The sock puppet externalization technique is memorable and somewhat original, but the broader ideas (positive visualization, reframing anxiety, accepting discomfort) are well-trodden in self-help and coaching literature. The advice to 'write happy endings' and 'choose your focus' echoes standard cognitive behavioral therapy without acknowledging those roots or offering fresh theoretical depth.
I made up a sock puppet, a really soft, goofy, harmless little thing that I could make talk by quacking my hand. And I put Nasty's voice in the sock puppet so it still said everything that scared me.
It's not your car. Just like you can be nervous and still do your job. Do both. It's okay.
The episode features no external guests; instead, it relies on Tom Henschel (the host) telling stories about Ashish (a lawyer who testified) and Emma Stone's Oscar speech. Neither Ashish nor the Emma Stone anecdote represents a high-caliber operator being interviewed. Ashish's experience is recounted secondhand, and Stone's story is from a public video clip, not a substantive interview. The lack of direct practitioner testimony weakens the episode's credibility.
Ashish, uh, was both thrilled and terrified.
You can watch this unfold for yourself. It's a three minute clip of Emma Stone struggling to make her acceptance speech at the 2024 Academy Awards when she won for best actress.
While Ashish's story about the board presentation provides a concrete anecdote, and the Emma Stone clip is a named reference, the episode lacks quantitative data, metrics, or multiple named examples. Most advice is presented abstractly (e.g., 'celebrate incremental improvement' without specific business contexts or measurable outcomes). The manufacturing company mentioned in the intro is never revisited with concrete details.
I would like my nerves to be at 4 instead of 8. That would be a reasonable goal.
She walked in from the back of the room and walked the whole length of the table, and I never saw her.
This is a solo monologue episode by Tom Henschel; there is no live conversation or interview to evaluate. The narrative is well-structured and Henschel tells engaging stories, but the format lacks the dynamic questioning, pushback, and follow-up that characterize strong conversational craft. A true B2B operator would likely prefer direct Q&A with practitioners over polished storytelling.
I asked, why wouldn't a judge understand?
He asked, what else do you talk about when you talk with people about nervousness?
Computed from the transcript - who did the talking, and the words that came up most.
Before testifying in a high-stakes case, a theorist and his coach swap horror stories about their nerves hijacking them and the lessons they learned. Tom’s top four idea for conquering nervousness: Write happy endings Celebrate incremental improvement Externalize your nasty voice Ignore your nerves Applying these techniques using our free PDF about mastering nerves. The clip of Emma Stone battling her anxiety before a global audience is here. Each month, we share additional tools in our monthly email. If you’d like to explore Private Coaching with Tom, reach out to him at: tom@essentialcomm.com . COACHES! Come join us at the Executive Coaching Special Interest Group sponsored by ICF Los Angeles. You’ll get CCE’s, too! Related Library Categories: Managing Yourself Nervousness Self-Talk Related Episodes: 71 - Act “As If” 62 - Choosing Persistence 147 - Conquering Fear 178 - The Executive Impostor 12 - Managing Nervousness Grab a free transcript of the episode here. We are so grateful for your reviews! From all of us here at The Look & Sound of Leadership , thanks for being such a great audience!
Transcribed and scored by The B2B Podcast Index.
Speaker A: Hey, everyone. Tom. Here, a word before we begin. Recently, leaders from a manufacturing company reached out to me about providing some training to their senior directors who report to their executive staff. I do this sort of training a lot. And I told them about the topics that I usually deliver. Sorting and labeling, answering questions powerfully, executive thinking, storytelling and nervousness. I told them I would send them the PDFs that I used to support all those topics. So after the call, I go into my folder. It has all the PDFs, and I realize, much to my surprise, we have never made a PDF that supports my ideas about nervousness. And I really couldn't believe it, because in my decades of coaching, nervousness is one of the topics that I talk about almost more than anything else. So my team and I jumped right on it. We created a PDF about conquering nervousness. It's in our tools bin right now. It's free. Please help yourself. The link is in the show notes. To add depth to the ideas in this PDF, I'm rebroadcasting an episode from April 2024 that was originally titled Mastering Nerves. I hope it's helpful. I'll jump back in with this month's gratitude. But meanwhile, here's the show. Enjoy. Welcome back to the look and Sound of Leadership, an ongoing series of executive coaching tips designed to help you be perceived in the workplace the way you want to be perceived. I'm Tom Henschel, your executive coach, and today we're talking about how to conquer nervousness. Ashish, uh, was both thrilled and terrified. Ashish, uh, held a senior position at a global law firm because he had expertise in an arcane field of economic analysis. The prior year, a corporation represented by the firm had been sued over a very odd, very narrow stakeholder complaint. If Ashish's firm didn't win the case, the corporation could be at risk for billions of dollars. Over decades, Ashish, uh, came up with a theory that would defend the corporation's position. That theory of his had become the heart of the defense. Soon, as part of the case, he was going to have to testify before a judge and explain his analysis. This is a dream come true, Tom, he told me during a coaching session. A theory of mine is going to end up influencing the outcome. Enormous sums are at stake here, and my theory could be the hinge point. I couldn't be more delighted. He smiled and said, I like when people pay attention to my ideas. I love my ideas. I wish more people wanted to know about them. And now they will. If he raised a finger dramatically, if I can explain my theory to the judge. Well, no, I certainly can explain it. The question is whether I can explain it in a way the judge will understand. I asked, why wouldn't a judge understand? He blew out a breath and shook his head. My nerves. I, uh, used to get very nervous. I would babble the worst word salad you've ever heard. If that happens in front of this judge, that would put the case at risk. Is that a possibility? I asked. That you would babble in front of the judge. Um, maybe not, he said. I haven't had an attack in a long time now. But I remember how it felt when I did. I watched nonsense come out of my mouth. I couldn't stop it. I knew it was happening. Well, uh, except this once. I've never forgotten this. I haven't told this story in a long time. This was a heart stopper, Tom. I was making my first presentation to the board of directors at a company where I'd been barely a year. I'm standing at the end of the conference table. My slides are on the screen. I go through my spiel, and when I finish, I see a sticky note on the table next to my computer. And I think, that wasn't there before. It's in my admin's handwriting. I read it. It's fine. No big deal. But I cannot figure out how it got there. So after the meeting, I ask her, where did this note come from? And she looks at me like maybe I'm not well. And she says, I handed it to you. And I say, you did? In there, in front of the board. And she says, yes, in front of the board, Tom. I had no memory of her ever being there. She told me she walked in from the back of the room and walked the whole length of the table, and I never saw her. Uh, whenever I think about it, it's hard to believe your mind can do that to you. How frightened must I have been to not even see her? Like you blacked out, I said, but kept talking. Evidently, I asked around afterwards. Nobody noticed anything. I must have gone into some kind of trance. I don't know what happened. And that's scary, too. What if that happened again? I asked. Is there reason to worry? You said you hadn't had an attack in a long time. I, uh, understand why it would be on your mind, but it seems you're managing it. But maybe not. No, I think I am, he said. I remind myself of something I said to one of my daughters when she was young. I think I made it up. Maybe I Read it somewhere. In any case, she used to get so nervous she would vomit. And one day I said to her, look, whatever is going to happen is going to happen, and once it happens, then you'll deal with it. But right now, all your worries about what's going to happen, they're just made up stories. It's not real. And it seems your stories have pretty unhappy endings. I wonder if you could write yourself a happy ending. And that is how I coach myself against my nerves. Write a happy ending, create a positive outcome. Think people are going to like this. Which is not that hard because I really do like talking about my ideas. It's why I still lecture at two universities. I love talking about my ideas. It's not hard to create a happy ending. They're gonna love this lecture or they're gonna support my position or whatever. I can picture a good outcome. I nodded, agreeing, saying, when I talk with people about nervousness, I ask, what outcome are they imagining? If it's a bad outcome, focused on their weaknesses and what might go wrong, it makes sense they would feel nervous. But if they're imagining their strengths and where they're confident, there's just no room for nerves. So I say, choose your focus. You have control over your thoughts. What ending are you imagining? He asked, what else do you talk about when you talk with people about nervousness? I smiled and said, well. Well, there's a tool I talk about all the time, and it comes from a story of my own that I tell. Can I hear it? He asked. Sure. I took a breath. One of my first professional acting jobs right out of school was at an enormous theater here in Los Angeles called the ahmanson. It seats 3,000 people. When you put on theater for 3,000 people, it has to be big. Well, I had a tiny little part in a gigantic extravaganza. My big moment was a two line exchange with the big star. And this woman, uh, I was in awe of her. She was just amazing. I felt so lucky to have watched her in rehearsals. So anyway, one night I say my first line and I see her reply, but I couldn't hear her reply. It was like she was on mute. And I say my second line and she does what she always does. So I leave like I usually leave, but I could not hear her. I had gone deaf, he said, like I had gone blind. I nodded. Amazing, right? My nerves shut down my hearing. Like your nerves shut down your vision. And out of this came a tool? He asked. Yes, because I needed something fast. I was thinking, if this happened Again. The next night, my career is over. I was freaking out. So I asked myself, okay, you couldn't hear her. What could you hear? And I knew the answer right away. I was hearing my self critical voice. I knew that voice. I had named that voice. I called that voice Nasty. Nasty said all the things that scared me. Things like, she doesn't think you're much of an actor and you're really over your head here, buster, and you are making no impression here at all. You know, Nasty was scary, and Nasty had become louder than that actress I adored. That's what I could hear. So here's what I thought to do. I made up a sock puppet, a really soft, goofy, harmless little thing that I could make talk by quacking my hand. And I put Nasty's voice in the sock puppet so it still said everything that scared me. But it was a sock puppet and it was outside me that became important for me. Having the sock puppet separate from me meant Nasty wasn't inside me anymore. It wasn't part of me. It was out there. And suddenly I had two voices I could choose between. I could choose to listen to what, whatever was happening in front of me and be present. Or I could choose to listen to my sock puppet and feel hijacked. I had choice. He nodded. Hijacked. Like I was in that boardroom. After we both paused, I said, a lot of people think their nerves mean something. If they feel nervous, it must mean bad things are going to happen. But that's not what nerves mean at all. You can be nervous and still do just great. Nervousness is just a condition in the body, like hunger, thirst. You can be hungry and thirsty and still do your job, right? Well, you can be nervous and still do your job. That's a revelation for some people, uh, she said. It makes me think of something my wife has been saying to me for years. It's not your car. She first said it because we used to live near a neighbor whose car alarm went off all the time and it used to infuriate me. And she'd say, but it's not your car. She was saying, let it go, let it be. Get on with your life. Do the task at hand, whatever that is. Never mind the alarm. It's not your car. Just like you can be nervous and still do your job. Do both. It's okay, I said, I like it's not my car. That's helpful, he said, and I like your sock puppet. Ashish, uh, enjoyed the experience of giving testimony in front of the judge. To him, the Experience was an exciting intellectual jousting match. Mastering his nerves allowed him to focus and show up with the look and sound of leadership. As I was writing this episode, it occurred to me that over my 30 years listening and talking with people, I've probably talked about nervousness more than any other topic. I've gotten to see which tools people consistently find the most helpful. And in this part of the show, I want to tell you my top three. And then I want to tell you about a case of nervousness that happened on a global stage that I found amazing to watch. Okay, you ready? So first, the top three ideas to help you master your nerves. Number one, Celebrate incremental improvement. If you want to master your nerves, you need to notice yourself getting better, no matter how small the winner. If you say one less, um, celebrate. If you're nervous, one minute less. Celebrate. If out of ten questions you get asked, you can answer just one of them with clarity and spark. Celebrate. So what does this mean? How would you put this into action? Here's what you do. You pick some part of your nerves that you want to improve. Uh, maybe you're going to focus on something physical, like not racing through your words. Or maybe you're going to focus on something mental, like not letting your thoughts go racing or whatever. You focus on whatever you want to make better, take its measure and set yourself a goal. It would sound something like this. Next time, before my next presentation, I'd like my nerves to be at 4 instead of 8. That would be a reasonable goal. But what if you only get to 6? You celebrate. To manage your nerves, you have to create a positive feedback loop. I have come to believe that most people are not wired to celebrate incremental improvement. They have to make themselves notice good things. Most people learn to celebrate incremental improvement. If you can do it, it makes a difference. Celebrate incremental improvement. Okay, that's idea number one. Before I jump into idea number two, I want to make a quick diversion. I want to say a word about panic. Some people experience panic. I think panic is different from nerves. Over the years, clients who have panic have told me that beta blockers help them. They were still nervous, but they weren't panicked. If your nerves feel like panic, racing, heart short of breath, you might talk to a doctor about beta blockers. Okay, so idea number one was celebrate incremental improvement. Now we get to number two. Write happy endings. Ashish, uh, and I talked about this during the episode. The message is this. How you think affects how you feel. Right? Happy endings will help Master your nerves. So how does it work? You ask yourself, what do I imagine is going to happen? And listen to your answer. What do I imagine is going to happen? If you're nervous, it's almost guaranteed you are picturing an unhappy ending. Something bad is gonna happen. I mean, come on, if it were all glory and rainbows, why would you be nervous? Right? So there has to be some tripwire in there. What is it? That's your job. Articulate. Specifically, what are you worried about? And then you ask yourself this question. Those things that I'm worried about, are they in my control? If they are, just go do them. I mean, take care of business. But if they're not, well, then you don't know what's really going to happen. That's the very definition of not being in control. Right? You don't know what's going to happen. And you have made up a story that is making you nervous. So unwrite that story. Write a happy ending. The more positively you think about the event, the smaller your nerves will be. This is in your control. And it's not unlike celebrating incremental improvement, except that's assessing what happened and looking for the good in it. This is creating the future. Writing a happy ending. Once again, I would say people are not wired for this tool, but when they learn it, their nerves are not a problem. That's idea number two. Write happy endings. Here's idea number three. So this is a variation on the sock puppet or Ashish's car alarm. The idea is ignore your nerves. Ignore them. Your nerves are like a bully on the playground. They're just trying to scare you. And any engagement you have with them is going to be a loss. So ignore them. You don't have to kill them. You don't have to make them shut up. Ignoring your nerves makes them powerless. If you ignore them, you might still feel nervous, but you can still do your job right? And you can be nervous and still celebrate incremental improvement. You can be nervous and still write a happy ending. Those are the top three ideas about mastering nerves. Celebrate incremental improvement. Write happy endings. Ignore your nerves. Next, a story about a very public case of nerves that I find so inspiring. I cannot wait to share it with you right after this month's gratitude. Gratitude. This month begins with a listener named Brendan. Back in 2018, Brendan went to the leadership of his company and advocated to get some communications training for the team he was on. Being a loyal listener, he also advocated for me to deliver the training and that happened. We met in Vancouver we had a great time. Now, eight years later, Brendan is with another company, this time in Denver. Once again, he went to the leaders of his company and advocated for training and advocated for me. And it's going to happen this spring and the curriculum is going to be really interesting. I think it's going to be great. So, Brendan, thank you. I am very grateful. Every month I tell you how grateful I am for your reviews, but this month is unique. There was a review from a listener named Hussain Agahi in Iran. Hussein, I want to send you my very best wishes for your safety and the safety of your family. There was a review from here in the United States, from a listener with the username borodor32861. And then there were reviews from two listeners whose names you have heard before. They have been leaving reviews in castbox attached to specific episodes. David Landschart and Todd Thompson. David left three reviews this month and Todd left seven. So thank you both so much. I am very grateful. Okay. Uh, ah, this story. This story is like a shot of inspiration directly in my veins. Before I tell you the story, I want to tell you why I'm sharing it with you. For years and years, people have told me how helpful the idea of the sock puppet has been. People tell me that externalizing their nasty voice helps them gain control over it. This story is about a woman whose anxiety hijacked her on a global stage in front of millions of people. Her anxiety started speaking for her, saying things she did not want to say. And the story is about her heroic struggle. You can watch this unfold for yourself. It's a three minute clip of Emma Stone struggling to make her acceptance speech at the 2024 Academy Awards when she won for best actress. As background, Emma Stone is an American actress. She's in her 30s. She has been performing professionally since she was a teenager. And all that time she has been battling anxiety. She talks openly about how when she can control her anxiety, it becomes a fantastic creative tool. But sometimes she can't control it and those are bad experiences for her. Well, during this little clip, Emma Stone is wrestling her anxiety in real time in full view of all of us. When you watch it. The link is in the show notes. When you watch it. Here's what I think you'll see. It's the Academy Awards best actress category. Close up on all five nominees. The envelope opens. The name is called Emma Stone. And now the close up is just on her. The camera's right in her face and it is plain she is not happy. She Is flooded with feelings. You can see them flashing across her face, and none of them are happy. Her anxiety is in control right there. And she gets out of her chair, she starts hugging people. So now we're seeing her from behind. And the next time we see her face, she's climbing up the stairs, and she is weeping. And these are not happy tears. And as she's climbing, she says, my dress is broken. And I thought to myself, her dress? Really? Is that the top thing on her mind at this moment in her life? Her dress? I thought that is her anxiety talking. When she finally gets to the microphone, you'll see she's fighting tears, but she's doing okay. And then she gasps and she winces, and she says, oh, boy, this is really overwhelming. And she means it. She is being overwhelmed by her anxiety. You can see it. And her anxiety speaks for her out loud. Her anxiety starts to make an apology, and she just shuts her mouth and she shakes her head no. And then her anxiety says, my voice is a little off. And she interrupts it and says, whatever. And suddenly Emma Stone is there. It's amazing. The anxiety is gone until it's not. It flares up again. And suddenly Emma Stone says, I don't know what I'm saying. I'm totally. And she shakes her head again, and she goes, okay. And boom, she wins again. What moves me every time I watch this clip is imagining the years of struggle it must have taken her to get to that place, to get to where her rational brain could register that her anxiety was speaking. And there, on a global stage, at the pinnacle of her profession, at the moment when all the eyes of the world are on her and haters are inevitable, she faces down her anxiety. I think it's a lesson for all of us. She mastered her nerves, and you can, too. The three ideas in this part of the show celebrate incremental success. Write happy endings. Ignore your nerves. I wrote those three things in the show notes so you can grab them. There's also a link to the Emma Stone clip. And by the way, I just want to say, the irony is not lost on me that my third idea is ignore your nerves. Right? Don't fight with your nerves. And then I tell you this story of Emma Stone fighting the hell out of her nerves. I shared that story as a vision of what I think mastery looks like. Emma Stone has been working hard to master her nerves for years. She is a pro, which is why that clip is so inspiring. But most of us aren't that far along in our journeys. So ignore your nerves. That's a good strategy for now. We have lots more tools to help you master your nerves. We just created a new category in the library called Nervousness. So this episode is in that category and two others, Managing Yourself and Self Talk. Those are categories in the library. Links in the show notes. There are lots of episodes you might listen to, but five in particular are act as if choosing Persistence, Conquering Fear, the Executive Imposter. Some really good tools in there. And the many parts of you if you're having trouble with this whole idea of separating your nervousness like into a sock puppet, then many parts of you might help you with that thinking. All right, that's it for me. Until next time. I'm Tom Henschel. Thanks so much for listening.
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