Hannah Brown: Winning Didn't Heal Me, Faith, Anxiety, and Letting Go of Control

Speaker A: I was so devastated with the way that my Bachelorette season ended. And so when Dancing with the Stars came, I was like, oh, I'm gonna win. And I think it's good to be expectant of God, but we don't need to be so expectant on our own expectations. It's not fun to be in the season of waiting, but I've been in a season of waiting for a long time, but now it's my season to, like, take some action foreign.

Speaker B: Welcome back to the Cannonball mindset. I'm Chad Santroon, your host. This one went one in the making for three years. We met three years ago. Is that right?

Speaker A: Three years ago. Three years ago, probably, yeah.

Speaker B: Is that right?

Speaker A: Three years ahead, we had really just moved to Nashville.

Speaker B: Yeah. Like, shortly after. And yeah, I'll get into how we met, which is awesome story, but three years ago, uh, was at a party, uh, met a Alabama alum. So immediately got a roll tie from her, and she roll tied me. I roll tied back. And, uh, uh, now we've. We become great friends. Uh, you and your husband. Husband. Now that's cool. That's a cool thing to say, right, Adam? Um, just such a great friendship. I'm here in Nashville. I'm with the one and only Hannah Brown. If you don't know who Hannah Brown is, then you've been living under a rock for the last 10 years, because she is everywhere. Hannah, uh, thanks for coming on.

Speaker A: Oh, my gosh. Thanks for having me. I'm glad we finally made this happen.

Speaker B: Yeah. I was so excited. I was like, this is. This is. This is one of those ones. I've interviewed great people, but this is one of the ones. Cause I know, you know, you, um, and have such a great relationship with you. I got. I was getting nervous. I was like, oh, my God, no way. Yeah. Like, I don't want to make her uncomfortable. I don't want to ask you this question. And the thing is, you've lived a thousand lives before you were 30.

Speaker A: I know.

Speaker B: Like, a thousand. You. Pageant star, New York Times bestselling author, reality star, Dancing with the star star, social media influencer, married. Like, there's really, like, nothing you haven't done. I've beaten. I beat Navy Seals. I dance on TV like it's crazy. Before you're even 30 years old. Um, you've lived your entire life in the public eye. Entire adult life in the public eye. Uh, who is. Who is the. Who is the real Hannah Brown today? Take all that collection. Who is Hannah Brown today?

Speaker A: Oh, she's so different, but still very much the same as that 23 year old that happened to take a chance and go on a TV show. Um, gosh, who am I today? I feel like, gosh, I feel like I'm still becoming. So it's really hard to answer that question of who am I? Other than somebody that's trying to become a little bit more like Jesus every day, trying to be a better friend, trying to be the best wife I can be, and really trying to continue to step into my purpose in whatever season that I am in. Because that has continued to change every year for me. And, uh. So, yeah, I don't know if that fully answered the question.

Speaker B: Well, yeah, well, I think the thing that's, that's captivates me is this. You're 30 years old. Most people spend their 20 years old just enjoying their life. Um, really just enjoying finding who they are. 30 years, really becoming. Well, look, in your 20s, you did more than most people will do their entire life. You know, I write a New York Times bestseller, multiple New York Times bestsellers. I, you know, win a reality show. I don't know if you win a reality show, but win Dancing with the Stars, you submit to be on the Bachelor, which you end up being the, like, the main character on the Bachelorette. Like, all these things happen. Um, what was the biggest life lesson you learned about yourself through those 30 years? 20s into your 30s.

Speaker A: Oh, my gosh, I think I am stronger than I ever knew that I was. And then also the importance of saying yes in life, um, and just trying, doing it. Scared. Even if the questions my head, they're like, why me? Still, I'm still dealing with all the battles of, like, I'm not good enough. What if they see me in some way? What if I'm misunderstood? But, like, just saying yes to the opportunities that were ahead of me, I feel like I did really well in my 20s. It's been a little bit more difficult for me to do that now. And I don't know exactly why to say yes, to say, yeah, I don't know. Maybe I do say yes still. Yeah.

Speaker B: Well, do you have this idea, so go back, go back. Because you were a student at University of Alabama Roll Tide, uh, where you came from, where you lived. Right. Uh, you grew up. You grew up.

Speaker A: I never left.

Speaker B: You grew up there.

Speaker A: Yeah. Which is a different college experience than most people's.

Speaker B: Yeah, most people are traveling too, to get to Alabama. You lived there. Did you want, was that your goal to go to Alabama or was there I'm leaving. Like every other. Most college students, I'm gonna leave. Did you have that idea or you lived where everybody wants to go?

Speaker A: I. To be honest, it was cause of a boy. I stayed.

Speaker B: You stayed at University of Alabama, called you a boy.

Speaker A: I hate to say that, but it's true. Like, my high school sweetheart at the time, um, was going to Alabama and I did. I studied communications. They have a great communications program in Alabama. And I looked at Ole Miss, Mississippi State, a few others. I didn't look at Auburn just like in. That was like, close, but not too far away. Um, I don't know. I just fully wasn't ready to be too far away from home. But did I really want to go to Alabama? I don't know if I did, but I'm so glad that I ended up going there because I met some of my very best friends and it all worked out. But I did always have this, like, yearning for a little bit more.

Speaker B: More. So you go to University of Alabama and, uh, you know, what was your biggest fear about when you went into college? What was your big. Did you have fear anxiety going into college? Because you battle a lot of. A lot of things throughout your life. Was there fear of anxiety or anxiety? Or was there? Hey, I'm still close to home. You know, I have my brother, I have my parents.

Speaker A: You know, what I really struggled with in college was, um, I excelled in school. I excelled in winning things, uh, a lot of my life. And when I got to college, joined the sorority that I was in, I realized that I was around girls that were just like me. Like, I leveled up, uh, in a way where I was surrounded by people that didn't make me feel as special. And that was really tough for me. It was really tough for me. And I realized how much value I placed on my accolades. And to be honest, that, like, really rocked me.

Speaker B: The outside validation.

Speaker A: Yeah. And realizing, like, I had a harder time in high school, um, didn't have as many close relationships at my high school. Definitely, um, dealt with, like, bullying. It was hard, but I always was known and kind of like the miss everything at my school. Like, I would just really go into whether that's like the SGA or just really tried my best and all of my classes and, uh, just was able to still excel without having the relationships. And I was super excited about getting into college and actually being around people that I feel like were like minded like me. But then I realized, oh, that makes me one of everybody, One of everyone. Like, what makes me special now?

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: When everyone around me is special and beautiful and accomplished and um, has something about them that really shines. I really like struggled with that and I um, felt like it kind of made me have to deal with maybe why I did all those things. And like the anxiety and depression actually like kind of like came to a head in a way that I had to deal with it.

Speaker B: Yeah. Um, and you weren't, you were Hannah Brown, but you weren't Hannah Brown.

Speaker A: No. Yeah.

Speaker B: Like, you mean it wasn't like you walked in through and people were like, now I've been with you on the University of Alabama campus and you can't walk five feet without people chasing you down the street. Like I've been there. And I was like, we're just trying to go from m. I don't know if you remember, we were trying to go from the quad to the game and it was a, it's a five minute walk. Normally it was a 20 minute walk. Mhm. Because cheap people chasing you down the street, calling your name. That wasn't, that wasn't the case when you were a student.

Speaker A: Oh, I was just.

Speaker B: You're just Hannah.

Speaker A: I was just Hannah. I was, um, you know, my parents were 15 minutes down the road. Um, it, yeah, I, I did kind of struggle with, oh gosh, what did I, like, what did I do? I love the University of Alabama, but I do think there was always this like, oh, I just want a little bit more that I was dealing with too, I think at the time.

Speaker B: So how do you work through that? How do you work through, I'm a superstar. Which is crazy. I want to rewind to something you said too because you said, uh, you dealt with bullying in high school and anybody that's listening to this would be like, what are you talking about? Like, Hannah Brown doesn't get bullied. Anybody knows Hannah Brown would say, Hannah Brown doesn't get bullied. She lives a charm life. Like, how is that real?

Speaker A: Oh, it was real. Um, I had a, like I said, had a really hard time with relationships in high school. I went to a county school, very um, country southern. Uh, and I just didn't have a lot of like minded people around me. I, A lot of my friendships came from my church. Um, most of my friends were at least two years older than me. So I was kind of alone a lot but like super involved if that makes sense. But there wasn't many people who knew me and I've been working on, I've been realizing this a lot. Like I, it takes a lot to really Allow people to know me. And I think that kind of started really early. Like, I want people. People can see what I can do and what I can give and, like. But allowing people to know who I am was really tough because then you can see the really vulnerable part of me. Um, and, yeah, I really struggled with that. But I did excel at a lot of things. Yeah. So I.

Speaker B: She coping mechanism was to win.

Speaker A: Yes. But then I think that created a lot of, like, maybe jealousy. I hate to say jealousy, but, like, people didn't really know who I was. They couldn't really, like, sometimes root for me.

Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. Ah.

Speaker A: Because they didn't know, like, oh, what did I overcome to be able to, you know, do this while in school or to make that happen? It was just more like almost like I was like an enigma in my school of, like, I don't really know her, but she seems to always kind of like, yeah, be here.

Speaker B: Everybody sees you, but very few see the depth of you.

Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. And I think that, um, I didn't know how to fully connect with people, and I was. But I was very, I feel like, kind, and it was true. But I think that just created some stuff within, you know, girls. And yeah, I was. That was bullied pretty bad by a little group of girls that, um, had kind of made my senior year of school really tough. Like, I. I mean, I could. I had like, a restraining order against a girl. Like, it was. It was really hard. And especially as someone who's like, I. I would say, like, I have a kind heart. Wasn't like, trying to be in. I was like, I don't want any drama. I just want to, like, be me. Be me, excel and go home. And yeah, it was. It was really hard.

Speaker B: So then you. So then you. So then you keep winning. You go to college, you struggle. Not struggle, but, like, you.

Speaker A: I had a really hard time in college, um, with my mental health, I would say, yeah, I. That was the first time that I really realized, like, oh, like, I need help. And I will still say, like, that the. The girlfriends I had, like, really saw me for the first time. I think, uh, at the first time I had friends really see me and not the way that I wanted to be seen and still love and accept me, um, was really, like, profound for me. But yeah, that's. That's when I first time that I was like, I don't really want to get out of bed. I don't want to live honestly. Like, it. It had gotten pretty extreme and was able to find help, but those were really hard years. There was like a few years.

Speaker B: It's such a strange, it's such a strange, you know, having daughters in Alabama. It's such a, like it's, you go on campus and, and I don't have comparison, I don't have context of other college campuses, but you know, when you go on Alabama, it's beautiful. It's. The campus is beautiful, the school buildings are beautiful, the people are beautiful. Like, I swear there's no unattractive people at all on the campus of University of Alabama, Alabama. And it's, you know, 70% women or 65% women. And I look at my daughters and I have two daughters there that are seniors and they're beautiful, but they're around uh, 50,000 other extremely beautiful people. And I've never been a woman and so I don't know the pressures of what it's like to be a woman, but I can't imagine like it is, it's hard. I don't, uh, and I think this probably again, I don't know because I don't know the campus, but it's got to be hard.

Speaker A: Yeah, I don't think I was mature enough and I'm sure there's a lot of women on that campus that maybe are not mature enough to be able to realize like what an uh, honor it is to be around so many like minded, beautiful, successful, accomplished, driven women. Yeah, I think it's really easy to feel a little bit of lack sometimes in that environment. And I didn't really have anybody speaking into me and so, yeah, it can be really tough if you don't have the right mindset. Um, people in your life that are like, really like helping you have a different perspective of what it's like to be on a campus with the people that, that you're on a campus with.

Speaker B: So many big hearted. So everybody's the same. Like, it's super friendly. It's just, I got. And then, so what happens? Um, so you struggle in college and then how does the, how does the Bachelor appear? Like, how does, like how does this appear? Because you're. I'm now struggling in college. I'm going through some depression. I'm getting help. Um, nobody sees the depth of you. They see you, but they don't see the depth of you. And then you amplify it. Yeah, yeah, they amplify people seeing you.

Speaker A: Yes. So I went to the University of Alabama. I ended up, um, I graduated. It all comes back to a boy. I could go talk to young girls in college and Be like, don't make any decisions. Um, but I was dating the guy that I dated, um, my latter years of college, and he went to Auburn, and I was about to graduate. He had the semester more than me. And so I really thought, like, okay, this might. This is my guy, and we need to figure out what we're gonna do. And in college, I took an internship in Los Angeles, and I loved it. I loved it. I was there for the summer.

Speaker B: What year was.

Speaker A: This was my senior year, going into my senior year. And I just started. I mean, it'd been a few months. Was dating my college, latter years college boyfriend. And, um, he came and saw me, but I was like, I love this. Like, I. I finally felt like just something a little bit bigger was out there. Like, I. I could live somewhere different. Like, I can meet all types of different people that look different than me and have different culture and, um, just different background. Like, it was so good for me to do that. And I like, even telling him, like, man, I think I could, like, live here. Like, I. I would love to do something more. And he lived in Auburn at the time. And I, uh. And by the end of the senior year, I was like, I don't know what I'm gonna do. I kind of now want to get into interior design, but, like, I can't get my college degree in that because, like, that would mean five extra years. I went to. I was like, okay, we're. We're not doing that because my parents were not paying for my college. And so I was like, okay, well, going to just figure out how to do this. And long story short, we ended up breaking up, and I stayed in Tuscaloosa and turned down other opportunities because I was, like, kind of waiting on him. And I, uh, remember just being like, what have I done? Like, what have I done? Could have went to la, could have gone to la. I could have gone to Nashville. Those were my two options. And I stayed in Tuscaloosa. And I was just so defeated with myself, so mad at myself of like, what have I done? And anyway, I was so sad, disappointed. And if you knew my mother, this would not be surprising. She was like, you're looking really good, like, really skinny. You should try Miss Alabama just one more time, because I kind of, like, stopped doing pageants during that time where I was dealing with my anxiety.

Speaker B: Your mother is the best, by the way.

Speaker A: She's the best. She just says anything that comes to her mind. She's like, like, you're looking amazing.

Speaker B: Like your breakup.

Speaker A: Skinny looks Good.

Speaker B: Your breakup skinny is working for you. You're dying. You're like, mentally, like, frustrated, but you

Speaker A: look better than you ever had.

Speaker B: That breakup diet is the best diet ever. Fits you really well. That is your. That is your mother. Your mother's the greatest woman ever. But that is like, that is, uh, she is the best.

Speaker A: And I. She had been, you know, she's on Facebook, scrolling. She sees that Miss Alabama USA is about to have their pageant. And she was like, you should do pageant. I was like, mom, like, first of all, that pageant's in like a few months. And typically I started doing pageants when I was in high school. It's how I kind of helped pay for my college. Um, and we. I would prep for a while. It wasn't just something I just did.

Speaker B: Yeah, she was.

Speaker A: She ended up somehow getting me in at the very last minute. End up doing this pageant right out of, uh, college and then I win it. So Miss Alabama, in a way, it worked out good for me because I didn't really have a plan for what I was going to do next. And so that made me to where I was in Alabama. I was prepping to go to Miss usa. Miss USA was, you know, the big. It was, it was huge. It was truly like a dream come true. Um, but I think that pageant also, um, did something really great for me because I didn't have time to prep. I didn't have time to like, figure out how I wanted somebody to see me. And I won. Being completely myself, being so authentic is the first time I think I've ever been truly authentic. And people saw me and still loved me. And that was a big aha for me. That, that pageant was a huge aha for me. Um, and really like, invigorated something in me of like, oh, like I don't have to be this pent up, perfect pageant Southern girl for people to connect with me. That's actually soup. That's not really connecting. Being more vulnerable and showing the messy, silly, goofy, weird parts of me is actually what people can, you know, stick to in some way. And that kind of started everything for me. I didn't end up winning Miss usa. I actually had like a, a harder time during that. Again. I think, you know, my old ways did kind of come back when I was under that pressure and was also dealing with, um, like pretty severe acne in a beauty pageant. Not. Doesn't really go hand in hand. Like it's still a beauty pageant.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: And I'm having severe acne for the first time. And I don't know what to do with it.

Speaker B: Stress.

Speaker A: I think it was hormone related. Um, but it was crazy. Like, I won. And then that whole year was dealing with, you know, really bad acne, and the two just didn't go hand in hand. Um, so I was just kind of ready for it to be over so I could, like, really figure out what was going on with my skin. And then I still find myself, like, okay, now I'm like, I didn't. I would not say wasted a year, but I'm still back in the same place of, like, what am I going to do?

Speaker B: Still in Tuscaloosa.

Speaker A: Yeah. But because of that, it was. There were doors that had opened for me of. I had a plan. I was going to actually come to Nashville, um, and was trying to get that all set up when I get a random call about the Bachelor. I did not watch the show. I did not, um, have any dreams of.

Speaker B: Was it a popular show at that point?

Speaker A: It was a popular show, yeah.

Speaker B: Because you were season, what, 15. Season 15. So it's been on for 15 years before you got there?

Speaker A: Yeah. Um, I don't know how many years, because they do. The way the seasons are. Doesn't fully line up, but it had been on for quite a while. Um, and, you know, all my friends from Alabama, I don't know if your girls have ran into this. Maybe it's a little bit different now that, you know, the times have changed. But, like, I had seven of my best friends that were engaged. Two of them were married already. And so I just already felt so. So behind. And I really thought, like, I was ready to be married and to, uh, that to be the natural next step of my life. I mean, I. I kind of gave up on everything thinking that I was gonna be engaged, and it didn't happen. And so that was definitely something that I was also feeling like, like, I'm here and I'll be like, all my friends are in this next stage of life. I'm not. What's wrong with me? And I get this call from the Bachelor, and, like, I thought it was a prank at first, and then I realized that it was real. And I was talking to my mom, and she's like, why not do it? Like, what do you have to lose? Like, you have. You're in a transition season. Like, you're a good person. Like, and this is. What if you do meet your person here?

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: And so, yeah, that was another one of those. Just, like, going for it. Same thing with the pageant. Like, just, like, saying yes. Even though I kind of felt unprepared. What am I doing? But just, like, doing it. Um, and then. Yeah. Ah. From there, life just went.

Speaker B: Now you. But now you're amplified. Now everybody knows you.

Speaker A: Yeah. And I will say, I think that pageant, first pageant and being, uh, on the Bachelor were two of the best experience of my life, because same thing with the Bachelor. I had a choice, and I remember the first day I had a choice of I could try to pretend to be the perfect pageant. Sweet. Which is all true, but, like, this packaged version of myself where I could really be the real version of myself, and it wasn't going well. Trying to be the package, like, version of myself. People. I don't even want to tell people to go and watch the first episode, but I was really struggling with, okay, how do I be this thing? But there's cameras on me 24 7, and, like, also, this could be somebody that I could, like, get engaged to. So I want them to see the real me, but I don't. I'm scared to do that with these cameras on. And I took a leap of faith and ended up being just completely myself.

Speaker B: And again, it.

Speaker A: It hit, like, I definitely had people who did not enjoy watching me, and there was. I was a little polarizing, but, gosh, it made me more connected to people than ever before. Just being myself and not trying to curate or hide the parts myself that maybe I even didn't really love, but it is still a part of me.

Speaker B: Did you realize at that point how amplified you were?

Speaker A: How, like, wait, when I was on the show?

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: No. I had no idea. My friend, one of my friends on the show who ended up being in my wedding, we. We got close pretty immediately, and she'd be like, hannah, are you sure you want to, like, do that? Say that? I'm like, what do you mean? Like, she's like, you know, like, a lot of people watch it. I'm like, yeah, but, like, I know I'm a good person, and, like, I'm just, like, being myself. I did not realize, like, how the shift of being known and what really being amplified on, like, social media and media would be. And I'm honestly glad that I didn't live that season of my life, like, being there at the Bachelor mansion in that way, because I came back and my parents were like, you're different. Like, in a good way. Like, they could tell, um, a change in me of, like, it gave me a season to really explore, like, what do I want? Who am I? Like, it was a really Cool experience for me. I loved being on the Bachelor. I thought it was. You're doing these interviews all day, and it was the first time I really, like, reflected on things. It made me really think. And maybe I can look back now and see that it wasn't the safest environment to do that, but it was maybe the only way that I was ever going to get to the place that I am now. If I hadn't have had that experience, I don't know who else in my life would have brought that out in me.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: Right. Um. But, yeah, coming back and then when the show started airing, to see your most vulnerable parts of yourself, the good and the bad, was really tough. With a lot of people watching and people having opinions and misunderstanding you. Like, it was really tough.

Speaker B: Well, that's what I was wondering. Like, so you come back, the show's not aired yet. Then the show airs. You're back in Tuscaloosa. You're back in Tuscaloosa. The show airs. What's it like after the show airs for you publicly?

Speaker A: Oh, it was crazy. Especially living in the small town, um, while the show's airing and I'm, you know, becoming a celebrity. A celebrity? Yeah, a celebrity. In a way, it was. Yeah, it was definitely.

Speaker B: Do you remember the first time somebody stopped you on the street? It was like, you're Hannah Brown.

Speaker A: I don't remember an exact time, but I. I remember it starting to shift, and we would go out and go out to eat, and people would be like, I was. I'm watching you on tv. Or, oh, my God, you did this thing. And realizing that it wasn't the same. Or what was the weirdest is people that I've known forever starting to treat me different. Tuscaloosa is a. Is a college town, so there's a lot of people that are there, but you kind of know everybody if you grew up there, in a way. And when people started treating me different, that was weird for me.

Speaker B: Um, show you who was in your corner and who was out of your corner. Were there people that were like, oh, well, now she's famous. Now she's this. Now I'm gonna. Now I'm gonna be a believer, and I'm gonna piggyback and use your status or your celebrity for their own benefit. And there were other people that saw you and say, oh, I don't like that version of her. Did it delineate people?

Speaker A: Um, a little bit of both. Um, I saw. I. Like. I said I had, like, my close group of friends, but I didn't really m. Actually learn this from a producer on the show, and it was like, while I was still on the show, before it all aired, he said, like, you're going to get, like, a lot of noise from people, and the only thing that really matters is the people around you. If they start seeing a shift in you or what they say, that's when you should, like, maybe listen and, um, take some inventory on how you're living or if that didn't really look like you on tv, listen to them. But everybody else, like, who cares? And I feel like I did a pretty good job of that, especially in the beginning, um, because I was also like, they. Maybe because of me, too, but, like, they never got to know me. They don't know me.

Speaker B: Yeah, right.

Speaker A: Um.

Speaker B: So you don't find love on the Bachelor?

Speaker A: I don't find love on the Bachelor.

Speaker B: And now do you think it's over, or did you know before that ended that you were going to be called on to do the Bachelorette? Did you have a feeling or this idea? I don't know how it works. I'm assuming how it works. I've always assumed this. I've never asked somebody is that you have the Bachelor, and then you have these females that are trying to become Mrs. Bachelor, and. But then there's 14 or 20 or however many other girls that don't win, and they pick one of them to become the Bachelor. Is that how it works?

Speaker A: Yes, typically.

Speaker B: Ah. So did you. Did you have an idea that, like, hey, I got this polarizing personality. People like me. Um, there's a good probability that I'm going to get a phone call to see if I want to be the Bachelorette or do you have, like, interview to be the Bachelorette? Like, how does the Bachelorette.

Speaker A: Yeah, I was definitely the underdog for the Bachelorette, but I had this weird feeling. I was like, I have a journal where I wrote, I'm going, going to be the Bachelorette. I just knew it. But I was the underdog. Typically, how it works is there's two, um, there's always, like, four girls at. the end. And they've. From the first 15 seasons, nobody's become the Bachelorette that wasn't one of those top four girls. And I went home, like, the episode before, you could say I was, like, fifth or seventh. It depends on how you. How you look at it. They had never picked somebody that wasn't in the top four. So, like, we're not looking good.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: But I just had this weird feeling, and I. And I knew that I was so open and so, like, ready or what. I as. I thought as a 23 yard, I was so ready that I was like, it should be me. I remember being like, it should be me.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: But if people don't see that, that's okay. Because it. It wouldn't make sense for it to be me, but it should be me. Yeah, that's how I felt.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: Yeah. Um, and it was really split when it came to who wanted me to be. The producers really loved me because I was like, now being on the other side and seeing things like, I'm. I am gold when it comes to a producer being able to make m a good TV show.

Speaker B: I'm gonna say stuff and do something that's quirky or, like, give me an

Speaker A: idea and I'll, like, contemplate it and I'll be like, yeah, what the heck? I'll do that. That sounds funny. Um, so there were people who were definitely rooting for me. There were some people who, you know,

Speaker B: wanted one of the four.

Speaker A: One of. One of the four? Yeah. But you do get called and you have to do a bunch of different interviews. What really sealed the deal for me. It goes back to just, like, embracing those weird parts of yourself was, um. I had no money. First of all, I had $70 in my bank account and my whole credit card was, like, maxed out. Which it could only be maxed out, like $5,000. But, uh, because of me doing Miss Alabama USA because this is like three months in between, like, my life. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. And I needed something to write to this interview with ABC and Warner, like, the head of the. Of. Of their production. And I remember I went to Nordstrom at the, um, Third Street Promenade, and I went shopping, and I was just gonna have to wear something and take it back.

Speaker B: I just have to have the receipt on it.

Speaker A: I was like, I can't. I can't afford this. Because I tried to show them all my other options. Like, I had to send to the producer I was gonna wear. And they were like, uh, that's not it. Shoot. Okay, well, I don't have any money. So I found this pink jumpsuit. It was like, it showed, like, my figure. Well, and then I was gonna wear this, like, black blazer over it. So I bought it. I'm like, okay, well, I'm gonna have to take it all back. So the day of the interview, I'm getting ready. I'm like, we get in. I was like, oh, I gotta go to the bathroom. And I dropped my key. I dropped, like, something. And when I dropped my keys, I split my pants. I split the jumpsuit. Okay.

Speaker B: Um, but I had to.

Speaker A: First of all, I was like, shoot, I don't have any money for this. But I'm also about to walk into the head of Warner and abc, into their office right now, the creator of the show. I'm about to walk in with them. And I was with, like, a hand, like, somebody from the show. And I was like, I just split my pants. Like, what am I going to do? Like, you can kind of see it. Like, it wasn't huge, but, like, there was a hole. And so they're like, just, like, they're not going to see it. Like, you'll be fine. Like, just walk in and just sit down. But I take another approach. Approach. And I walk in. And I said I walked in. I was like, well, I can guarantee you. I can guarantee you nobody's going to walk in more vulnerable, um, than I am today with all the girls you're meeting, because I've got a big hole in my. Like, I just, like.

Speaker B: It's the first thing I say to him.

Speaker A: And they're like, let me see. I was like, no, no, no. And then I was like, what the heck? And then I, like, turn around and I had underwear on. Like, it was so funny.

Speaker B: So I just started laughing.

Speaker A: It just starts that way.

Speaker B: Well, that's your personality.

Speaker A: And it just, like, changed, uh, the whole thing. And that was, like, really what sealed the deal for me is because I came in different and, like, not trying to be. Because the Bachelorette, especially back then, was, like, the perfect girl.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: There nobody would come in with a, uh, whole split. Yeah. Split their pants. And so that, like, not only did

Speaker B: you walk in with the split in your pants, but then.

Speaker A: Tell me.

Speaker B: Walk in and own it. Yeah, Like, I own it.

Speaker A: Yeah.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: Because also, like, which is you.

Speaker B: Which is so you.

Speaker A: It was so funny. And then, uh. And then I had. Yeah, I think I did stitch it up and still.

Speaker B: Stitch it. Still took them back. I had to return it.

Speaker A: I had to return it. But it's a. It's a funny story. But, yeah, um, that's kind of how it worked. And he did, like, multiple.

Speaker B: So how did. When did you find out that you get. Did you.

Speaker A: So this is crazy, too. So they told us, which was true. They don't know who's going to be the Bachelorette until, like, truly, like, right before. So they have to start filming before they really know. So there was, like, two other Girls that they were still talking to that they went to their hometowns and just started filming a little bit of stuff. And so they told me they were doing that for me too. And I was like, okay, um, cool. But that was, like, so hard because it's like you're preparing to be the Bachelorette, but you don't know if you're gonna be it. And there was another girl actually named Hannah who was lived in Alabama, who they were also talking to, and she lived in Birmingham. And I knew they had been there, and they came to me, and I was just like, oh, Like, I just wish I knew. I'm talking to them. So it wasn't weird there were cameras there, because that's what they were. They were. They had told us. And then I get, um, a call while we're there on this on my phone. It says Chris Harrison on it. And I'm like, so weird. And answer the call. And then all these other cameras rushed my house. My parents have no idea. They're, like, in the laundry room while this is happening. But, like, we had this producer in a house just kind of talking us through, like, what they would be shooting. It really didn't click that what was happening. But I answer the phone, all these cameras start rushing in, and Chris Harrison calls me at my house and then asked me to be the Bachelorette. So I was freaking out. I had no idea. And truly from then, I had one. I don't even know if I spent the night at my house and left. And gone was gone. Yeah. So it happened, like, really fast. It was definitely, like, a shock, a surprise. Um, but I think I left there and then went to the Ellen DeGeneres Show. Like, it was really crazy. Yeah.

Speaker B: Boom, boom, boom. Being on the Bats again, having never seen it on the bat. Never seen the Bachelorette, you became. This is how I first heard of you. I heard. I heard of you when I met you. I met you. I didn't know who you were until I met you. And I didn't know we, uh, were at a party. Somebody takes a picture. I post or I took a picture. Somebody took a picture. And posted on social media my daughter's call me. I'm still at the party. And they're like, hannah Brown is behind you. Hannah Brown is behind you. I was like, awesome. Who's Hannah?

Speaker A: We were already talking to each other.

Speaker B: I was like, who's Hannah Brown? Right? Like, dad, you know who Hannah Brown. You talk about it all the time. I was like, well, I don't know. And I was Talking to Adam at the point. At that point. And, um. But the. So you. What they had said and what I had heard was that you were the most popular Bachelorette of all time. And still to this day, people that watch that show, I don't know if it's on, but people that are, like, religious about the show still say you're the most popular, popular Bachelorette of all time. What made that so?

Speaker A: Well, I'll say Trista, the OG is like that. That she is Trista. I feel like that's. That was when the. The show was at its height, but I do think I. When it comes to, like, numbers as far as, like, social media following and stuff, I somehow have become the most, like, followed. And I think I maybe just had some iconic moments.

Speaker B: But what made. What made that so, though? What made it so that people, again, having never seen a show.

Speaker A: Yeah.

Speaker B: What made it made that so captivating? What made you so captivating for. For America, basically?

Speaker A: It's so weird because sometimes, like, I don't know because, I mean, I do know, I think, because I was just fully myself and really, um, from what people say, like, just really relatable with the season that I was in, um, I think a lot of women that were watching, it could really resonate with some of the struggles that I was going through on camera, even though it was in such a. The Bachelor and Bachelorette are, like, unrealistic ways to date, but there are really real moments that you can lean into, and there's struggle and there's feeling not good enough and not worthy and having men maybe not treat you the right way and figuring out how to stand up for yourself, even if it's really messy. And I think people really appreciated that about me. Um, I did not do everything right, but I did everything real in a real way that. That felt right for me in that moment. Maybe a few hours later, I'm like, probably shouldn't have done that, but. But it was. I felt like people felt like they could truly root for me.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: Um, and I think that is why I've had so many people support me and enjoyed watching my season and my journey, because it didn't end up in, like, a beautiful love story, which that's typically, like, what happens, what people are. That's what they want, and they're disappointed when it doesn't. But I. That just wasn't the plan that I think God had for me. But also, um, I think I chose myself in a way, and it honestly was also. It felt like a season that was Never ending. Because then I ended up still, you know, kind of dating some of the guys after. And so I think it was just like a journey that people could go on with me.

Speaker B: Oh, yeah.

Speaker A: And I think that's why people. They loved it. Yeah.

Speaker B: You said you struggled during the show. Again, not having seen the show, I gotta imagine that you're, like, airing your entire life, your heartbreak to the world, and people are, like, living off of your heartbreak or your misery, um, either feeling it for you or criticizing you, or just entertained by it or entertained by your heartbreak. Does that bring back any of your past traumas or depressions or anxieties that you had that you had now maybe put in a closet for a little while because you had them? Then you go on, you know, become Miss Alabama. Then you go on the Bachelor. You loved being on the Bachelor. Then you're on the Bachelorette. But at what point do these demons start to come back? Uh, yeah. But now in a public way, down that amplified way that we were talking about.

Speaker A: Yeah. So, like I said, I loved being on the Bachelor. There wasn't as much pressure. But when I became the Bachelorette, all those, you know, I guess, demons of feeling unworthy. And like I said, I was the underdog. So I don't think any of the men who signed up had me in mind as. Or at least that's the story I told myself. Myself had me in mind as the Bachelor at, um. Because it all happens, like I said, so fast. So they already have these men lined up. It's not like they, like, hear that I'm announced and then apply for me. So I really got stuck on that in my head. I was like, what if they're disappointed or they don't like me? I'm not. I don't know how to fit this mold of what I've seen as the Bachelorette. Like, I don't fit that. So I don't know how I'm going to do this. So I really was struggling. Like, as soon as I got announced, I was so. Or, uh, when Chris Harrison called me, I was obviously, like, so excited, but I immediately started, like, crying all the time, being like, how am I gonna do this? I don't know how I'm gonna do this. I'm. I'm scared I'm gonna fall into that pattern that I always do of when I feel unworthy. I try to pretend to be something I'm not. And I didn't do that. But then that made it even harder when I was misunderstood or, um, having to put On a. Because you're still kind of having to put on a show because you are the face of the franchise for that season. Yeah, it's not the same as being on the Bachelorette.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: I mean, being the bachelor, you're. You're one of 30 or whatever when then you're like the one. And a lot of it comes to, like, just physical and emotional exhaustion of that whole experience. Like, I got three hours of sleep, like, uh, every night. Like, I was running on. I had bronchitis for five weeks. I had to take a breathing machine with me every day to win. So I have to make out with a bunch of guys. Like, it was just. It was hard. It was hard work. It's the hardest work environment I've ever been, and I've done Navy Seals. I still think it was like a, A, uh, harder work environment as far as just like, being so exhausted and having to perform. But also, it's like, perform, but also make sure it's really real. Because at the end of this is like a real proposal. It was so tough. Uh, really, really, uh, don't think people realize how hard that position is to be in. And yeah, I think it's really easy for anyone to start to feel the weight of the pressure, but especially when it comes to, like, my background, I really struggled. Um, but then it was hard because sometimes I'd be misunderstood but, like, loved for the way that I was misunderstood.

Speaker B: So you're torn.

Speaker A: It was torn. I didn't know who to be. Like, I really didn't know who to be after the Bachelorette because I was loved. But I was like, am I loved for actually all of me or how it was edited to be or what I've been placed to be? What a. You know, how people have boiled down everything that I did and decided who I am? Do I just start to be that? And so I really struggled after the Bachelorette with, um, not even like, what to do next, but like, the who am I question.

Speaker B: Um, but then you. Then you. So you go through the Bachelorette and then you jump right back in which to dance with the stars. Right?

Speaker A: Yeah. Not three months later. I mean, truly, everything was like in increments of three months.

Speaker B: Yeah. So like, success is now becoming a treadmill for you.

Speaker A: Mhm. Well, I was so devastated with the way that my Bachelorette season ended because I did not win it in a way. Like, I didn't have the fairy tale. And so when Dancing with the Stars came, I was like, oh, I'm going to win.

Speaker B: So. So Let me ask you that before I could talk about dancing stars. So this, um. When you. When you don't, quote, unquote, win the Bachelorette because you don't fall in love. You don't. I guess winning is having the fairy tale wedding. And. And you don't do that. You don't do that. So how does this idea of, um, you know, losing, quote, unquote, losing, how does this resonate with you? Because this isn't. This isn't you. You don't lose. You spent your whole life not losing. Um, you know, how do you deal with that?

Speaker A: It. By distracting myself with something else.

Speaker B: Jumping into something else.

Speaker A: Yeah.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: Um, and I had that opportunity. I had a great excuse. Um, it was hard because I lost, but I also, like, won because people, like, now are, like, rooting for me, following me. But, like, I. In my head, was really sad. Like, the reason I did the Bachelorette was to truly, like, meet somebody. I thought God had, like, opened up all these doors for me for this to be it, because I didn't pursue. Pursue it. You know, it wasn't something that I was like, I'm gonna do this. It just. The doors kept opening. I was, uh. I got randomly nominated by Truly, like, a. A lady I didn't know very well that decided to put me up for an application for the Bachelor. The Bachelor being the Bachelorette, I was the underdog. There's Truly, like, the likelihood was. Was not there, but I just said, yes, open the doors. All these doors open. And I was like. And then this is what it ends with.

Speaker B: That was just your heartbreak and your. Yeah.

Speaker A: And then, like, now having to deal with all that with, like, a lot of attention, which, yes, in some way, I liked that. But I knew my spirit was so shaken. And so, yeah, then I was like, okay, well, I'll just go into this next thing.

Speaker B: And now, uh, Dance with the Stars comes, and you say yes.

Speaker A: Say yes. Which is such a fun show. But my mental state. Not good.

Speaker B: What. What pressure hits harder. Is it the judge's scorecard, American's opinion, or your own expectations?

Speaker A: My own expectations, absolutely. That was the. The hardest thing, because I went in being, like, thinking I had something to prove for myself. Um, it was hard, you know, when a judge didn't give me a good score or people thought that I didn't perform as well, but it was really me. I was so critical, like, and I would almost paralyze myself with fear of messing up. I. I can remember being in the studio and my dance partner Alan, would teach Me a step, and I couldn't even move my foot to try it because I was so scared of messing it up.

Speaker B: Really.

Speaker A: It was a really, um, hard time in my life, too, because I just gone through all that and didn't have anybody to talk to. I isolated myself. That's what I've always done when I'm going through something. I isolate. I push everybody away. Um, had never done therapy yet, so, like, I was just an emotional. I mean, there's no other word, like, basket case. Like, I was so unwell and then putting so much pressure on myself that it was just all I consumed myself with was Dancing with the Stars and how to be better and. But then also, like, dealing with all this fear of failing. I was just crying all the time. I just cried all the time.

Speaker B: But then you win.

Speaker A: But I won.

Speaker B: And it felt, you know, you won, and you said, and I quote, that winning Dancing with the Stars, you feel lighter than expected, almost empty. That's what you said.

Speaker A: I did. I'll never forget that feeling of holding up the trophy and being like, oh, like, this is it. I didn't. Yes, it made me feel the pressure of doing this day in and out. It's gone. And yet it didn't do for me what I thought it was gonna do.

Speaker B: Yeah, which is what? Like, what did you think it was going to do? Do you think it was going to make you happy?

Speaker A: I thought it was going to make me happy. I thought it was going to, uh,

Speaker B: overcome the heartbreak of the Bachelorette. Yeah, it was going to solve it.

Speaker A: I think so. But it really made me realize how empty I truly felt. And, um, a lot of my friends who would come see me at the show at that time were like, that was the. Of all the times in your life, that was the time I was most worried about you. I just was not there. There was nobody else, like, filling my cup, me filling somebody else's. It was just kind of in my own world. And so I really felt that emptiness.

Speaker B: Um, so how do you deal with that? Because most people would look at it, and if you listen to this, they'd say all, uh, right, here's a woman who, every time she puts her mind to something, every time she enters something, she wins it. She's got millions of fans. She's standing on. She's on tv holding the Dance with the Stars trophy, which was, again, premiere show height of this. Height of this. You know, again, I never saw any of that, but I know the premise of it. Um, she's surrounded by all these Celebrities. She's surrounded by this, like, she's got to be wealthy now. She got to be rolling in the money she's got. She gotta be rolling in the money she's got. You know, she got all these things, but you're standing on stage smiling, you're standing on camera smiling, but feeling empty and complete and depleted inside.

Speaker A: Yes. Because I didn't know exactly what was next. And I think I realized I had to go home because it was like Thanksgiving and I didn't want to, um, have to talk to people about how I was feeling and what I was doing. I was, like, so ready. Like, once I won the trophy, I was like, oh, gosh, I gotta get another job.

Speaker B: Yeah. What's next?

Speaker A: What's next? Um, because that was the only way I knew how to deal with it. And I just felt the emptiness and like, oh, no.

Speaker B: So then what was next?

Speaker A: Well, that was at the end of the day, 2019, three months. I kind of was just doing, um, kind of lining up a bunch of brand deals. I had went home for Thanksgiving, came back to la. Um, was just trying to fill that void. I had a lot of plans and then covet, hit, and then a lot of things stopped. And that's when I really had to start dealing with the anxiety. The anxiety and depression. And, um, there was a lot that was happening personally and in my family, and it was very obvious that I actually needed some help and needed to start making some adjustments with how I was dealing with things.

Speaker B: Did you come home or you stayed in la?

Speaker A: I did. I came home. Um, and yeah, it was some really hard. It was a really hard season. I learned a lot. Um, and I'm so blessed for it because it's when I actually started going to therapy and really started to deal with what the last year of my life has been.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: And it was really hard. 2020 was really hard for me. I know, for so many other people. But my body started shutting down, like, truly shutting down. Um, I was hurting in every way and had to kind of start going on that healing process.

Speaker B: And so that. That journey last. All through Covid, all through the shutdown, all through that.

Speaker A: I mean, I've still been on the journey, but, yeah. Um, I ended up going back to la, um, which I think was really good for me. Yeah. And then not too much later, I meet Adam.

Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. And then meet Adam.

Speaker A: Then I meet Adam during all of the healing process and not being my very best. And that was really hard.

Speaker B: That was God's plan.

Speaker A: I guess it was. It Was not my plan. It was not my plan at all. I was not looking to meet somebody, uh, and date seriously.

Speaker B: Just no pressure.

Speaker A: There's no pressure. I didn't want any pressure. I didn't want. I just didn't want to have to think about anybody else but me, which was not good. I needed to get out of my selfishness. Um, and I was just kind of in. Frankly, embarrassed with. With where I was in life. Not the accolades, but more just like, if somebody saw me, I didn't want to be in a relationship where somebody was gonna see me because I didn't like the version of myself that I was. I felt really, um.

Speaker B: The deeper they saw you, the more. More you had to. The deeper the relationship, the more they had. You had to expose.

Speaker A: Yes. And I wasn't really ready for that.

Speaker B: So when did you. When did you decide or when. How did it come to be that you allowed Adam, who is probably arguably one of the greatest humans you'll ever meet, like, one of the, like, the most amazing human beings. It's kind of unfair that somebody that good looking also be that kind, that generous. And, like, he, like, really is one of the best human beings I've ever met in my entire life.

Speaker A: Yeah. I think it was that of I wanted to keep writing him off as just, like, some hot guy that I met.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: But the more we would hang out, it's just so evident, like, how kind he is and was. And, um, he kind of gave me not an ultimatum, but was like, hey, like, I want to date just you and only you. And, like, I wasn't treating him the best, to be honest. Um, and then I was like, oh, shoot, like, I might lose, like, a really awesome guy. Like, I've never been treated this kind before. And so, honestly, him, like, standing up for himself made me be like, oh, I can't lose this. And having somebody willing to kind of let me be and. And heal and kind of accept me for where I was.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: Um, I'll always be grateful for that from him.

Speaker B: Yeah. And you mean you meet his. His brothers and his parents the same way.

Speaker A: They're just good people.

Speaker B: Like, good human people.

Speaker A: Right.

Speaker B: Like your parents. It's like, it was the perfect, you know, your brother, the same thing. It was like, the perfect match.

Speaker A: What?

Speaker B: God gave you exactly what you needed, even though you didn't know you needed it.

Speaker A: Absolutely. Yeah. And I think he just kind of called me out of all the stuff.

Speaker B: Yeah. You know, do you think. I know faith plays a huge role in your life. Do you Think that has helped this transition, this. This. Like, what's the importance of faith now in your healing journey?

Speaker A: Yes, the most important, um, part of my healing journey has been, um. I don't want to say. Yeah, I guess, like, almost rediscovering my faith. I think I've. I've been saved since I was, um, a little girl and had a real relationship with God. But I. During all of that season, I was angry at God because, like I said, I didn't. All these things that happened, I felt like, were open doors, that I wasn't, like, I really wasn't pushing. And I was like, okay, God, if this is what you have for me, is this what you have for me? And then I put all my anger on God when I was really, like, upset with myself and didn't allow myself enough gr. Grace for just maybe not having the right tools to be able to handle all the things that were going on. And, yeah, I made some mistakes, like, but I really was questioning God through all that instead of, like, really, um, looking inward to myself question. And then it had to flip. And, um, I met Adam during that time of being like, I know I believe in God and I know that this is important, but I'm really struggling with this right now. Um, and he was not a believer when we met, but he was on his own journey of trying to understand who is God, what is God. And so we kind of met each other at a perfect time to be able to go in together, explore together. And I got to his, um, faith almost renewed my faith. Seeing somebody feel the Lord's presence in a true way for the first time. Like, it. I was like, man, I want that again. I want to feel that. I know what that feels like, and I want that again. And so, yeah, I feel like it was a God thing that we met each other at the time that we did so that we could grow together in our faith. Um, we could question together, we could, um, encourage each other and. And that has been a big part of, like, just our testimony as a couple of the more we learned about what it meant to be a follower of Christ, changing our ways, being obedient to that, and feeling our lives change for the better because of that. Um, yeah, it's been everything for, for our healing and also like that hand in hand with therapy and, um, personal development, like, both are important. Um, but I feel like our belief and our trust and our pursuing of the Lord is the thing that has made our relationship work and continue to be blessed and get better and better.

Speaker B: So you're 31? 31.

Speaker A: 31.

Speaker B: 31. 31, yeah. 31. All this said, uh, you've dealt with all of it. The anxiety, the stress, the winning, the losing, the ups, the downs, all those things. Where do you go from here? What's next? You've written romance novels. If you had to write a book today that wasn't a romance. Romance novel is 100 the Story of you. What would it be called?

Speaker A: Oh, that's a good question. I'm still writing romance novels.

Speaker B: So good.

Speaker A: Which has been so fun. But I have thought about, like, what would this. Like, what. What lesson have I learned since my first book that I wrote? Kind of just my. I have wrote a memoir.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: But that was, like, so fresh. I was going through my life and writing at the same time, which I'm so glad that I have that. Yeah, I haven't looked back on that in a while.

Speaker B: But now you have 10 more years, 11 more years of context and data. You're, uh, married now. Like, what's the ethos? What's the ethos that is Hannah Brown today? Based on all that stuff?

Speaker A: I would say I wouldn't write a book right now because I am still in the process. But it's coming clear and clear about learning how to trust, um, God in my life and to know that he works for the good of those who love Him. And I think that would be what I would want a lot of the rest of my life to be about, is learning how to trust, to break down. Because I feel like that's a lot of where my anxiety and depression come from. And I know, I think a lot of people's come from is not trusting the goodness of God and who he says he is in your life, in the times that are really hard or unclear, like, you're going through murky waters of, like, I don't really understand how this is going to work out. Um, I feel like I've seen time and time again, like, whenever I have had seasons where I've just could get into a moment of trust. I wish I could even say a full season. I don't even know if I've gotten a full season in my belt yet. But moments of trust, like, the peace that that brings and how I just want to continue to have more and more of that in my life. And I would love to be able to help others. Other people have more and more of that in their life as I continue to process and grow and be obedient and be open to change in ways that maybe I didn't even know that I needed to change. Maybe even the world didn't know I needed to change. Maybe it doesn't look bad, but trusting God to step into the next with. With faith, um, that's what I feel like is next for me. I don't. To be honest, I don't know exactly what that is. I feel like I'm in the process of it becoming clear. But the only way that I've been able to even be like, oh, I think this is about to happen is because I've had more moments of trusting and releasing and getting off of my timeline of, oh, gosh, if I don't do this now, I'm not going to be relevant. It's like, if what's meant for me is meant for me, it'll. It'll happen. It just might not be in the timing and, like, stepping a little bit away from that. So the always that what's next question can make me feel this, like, tension in my body. But then I'll. I've had this moment, like, even now, just of like, oh, like, I don't have an answer to that, but, like, I know that that is being revealed to me, like, in this season. I think I will have an answer to that really soon.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: Um, and I don't think I've ever been okay with that answer to give

Speaker B: to somebody who you always had to ask, what's next?

Speaker A: Yeah. Instead of being like, oh, uh, I'm in the becoming of it. And it's. It's. It feels like the fog is clear instead of. Typically it would be like, really murky waters. And I'm like, all right, I'm just going to do something.

Speaker B: Yeah. I'm, um, going to have a bias towards action.

Speaker A: Yes. Which I think is good.

Speaker B: Yeah. In some, in some focuses, it's. In some capacities, it's really good. Except. But most of the time, it's when people have biased towards action, they're disobedient to God.

Speaker A: Yeah.

Speaker B: But that's the hard part. The hard part is being obedient to the behaviors of God when you don't know the outcome. And that's because. When you don't know the outcome is when you want to be disobedient because you want to control the outcome.

Speaker A: Because it might not be the outcome that I really wanted.

Speaker B: Yeah, that's exactly right.

Speaker A: That is really hard.

Speaker B: Really hard. That's what, that's what I've learned. I've learned that if I stay obedient to the behaviors of God, everything will be fine. It will not be what I expected, it will not be what I envisioned, but it will be good. When I become, when I don't. When I'm not obedient to God and I'm obedient to myself and what I think the outcome should be, usually I strip, I drift further away from God and things become. And I think that's what we. Because we want control.

Speaker A: Yeah. And I think it's good to be expectant of God, but we don't need to be so expectant on our own expectations.

Speaker B: That's good. That's really good.

Speaker A: That's probably from God.

Speaker B: That was really good. That's like a social media clip right there. That one was a good one. Yeah. Great.

Speaker A: Because like God want, like wants us to have the desires of our heart, but we just have to be expectant on, on the way of God's will.

Speaker B: Correct.

Speaker A: But I think a lot of times we have the expectation and it needs to go the way we expected it to go for it to be good. And that, that is not of God.

Speaker B: Yeah, agreed. Yeah. I'm saying God has been with me on my very best days. God has been with me on my very worst days.

Speaker A: Yeah.

Speaker B: Like both of them.

Speaker A: Mhm.

Speaker B: Which is like he's in control. On my very best days and my very worst days, it's the same God.

Speaker A: Mhm.

Speaker B: On those worst days I, I stripped away from him. But on my best days I praise him and you can't have that.

Speaker A: Mhm.

Speaker B: It's got to be. You got to be obedient on both days.

Speaker A: Yeah. And that has been such a, um, shift of my life. I feel like recently of trying to stop chasing the next achievement and just being like, okay, what, what does God want from this? And maybe it doesn't look like the same achievement that I think it should be, but it's, it's going to be better in all ways. It's going to be exactly what he wants of me. And me. And in my truly, I think since fourth grade, all I've ever wanted. I remember like crying to my mom, like she would do our little bedtime prayers. And me being like, I just don't know what my purpose is. I just want to know my purpose. And my mom was like, well, it's a Wednesday. We don't have to figure it out right now. You've got school in the morning. And I feel like I'm still that, that little girl just being like, I just want to pursue my purpose. But what I realized in every season that Might not have felt like my purpose, like God has like made a purpose out of all that. Um, and I feel like I am starting to really be able to, to calm the anxiety of that little four year old of really living in purpose.

Speaker B: Um, what I think, I don't, I don't think you find your purpose. I think your purpose was revealed.

Speaker A: Yeah.

Speaker B: Your purpose is revealed by God. But if you, if you're constantly on the search for your purpose, you'll probably never find it.

Speaker A: Because then you're not living in it.

Speaker B: Because then you're not living in it. Yeah, that's exactly right.

Speaker A: And I think that's what I'm learning right now is like how to live in my purpose. Whether that's uh, uh, you can be, you can be in ministry. And I think our purpose is to all of our purpose is to reveal the love of God to others around us. And that's just in interacting in whatever season I'm in in a way that's living like a purpose driven life of revealing his character through the way that I interact with everyone around me and the way that I do business and the way that I show up and um, that's like actually starting to click for the first time.

Speaker B: Yeah, I love that for you. I think I know this. I believe this to be 100% true. Is that Jesus's biggest uh, belief, biggest want for us, um, and biggest thing he believed in was that your life should be devoted to self transformation. That uh, he just wants you to transform.

Speaker A: It's just continuous transformation, sanctification. It's, it's what we are called as believers. Like that is the process that you're on and you'll never reach.

Speaker B: That's right. This place, it never ends. It's never like. Yeah. And that's why we talk about it on, on all of our swag. It's everywhere we talk. We talk about it every, almost daily. Is that achievement without betterment is solely for the ego.

Speaker A: Definitely.

Speaker B: When, when we just want to achieve for our own personal gain, we're doing it for our own ego. But when we're searching this pursuit of betterment, of just trying to get better and trying to evolve to this next version of myself, um, the achievement's great as long as it's as an outcome of betterment of this idea of I'm just trying to live my life to be a better Christian. I'm trying to live my life to be a better human. Uh, I'm. And that's when achievement. But when we for us, for me When I focus solely on achievement, success becomes a treadmill. And it's like it's never fulfilling, it's never that self gratification. But when I see myself becoming a better father, when I see myself becoming a better Christian, or I see myself becoming a better husband, um, those are the moments that are really fulfilling.

Speaker A: And that's been the shift, I think for me is I thought I had to win to prove something to myself. And that's why every, after every win or everything, I felt nothing. But when you're on the path of betterment, it, you can feel it and it's slow and it's gradual and it's actually something that you can stand on.

Speaker B: Yeah, yeah.

Speaker A: It's not a fleeting thing that you just go on to the next. It's like a constant everyday thing.

Speaker B: How do you, how do you. Because you now have this platform, you have the experience, you have the wisdom, you have the platform. You're 31 years old. I'll say that again. Um, so you're so young, but you have the platform, you have the experience. How do you take that and let other people know and influence other people in that, that belief that you have that helps, helps the people that are going through the seasons of life that you went through. How do you take that? Because I think God gives us, I believe that all these struggles that we deal with, all the sleepless nights, the battle of anxiety, the feeling of getting bullied, God put you through that for you to learn from it, learn from you, to understand it and learn and have you help other people with it. I believe in this idea of contribution. Everything we do do is to help other people's, uh, battles. And so how do you now use that to help other people? You have all the, you have all the ingredients of influence.

Speaker A: I think I'm on the shift and I have been shifting, especially recently, um, for a while. I was really in the midst of the healing myself. And with people in, in certain instances I would feel the need, I would feel like I should share, but I really needed to go on the journey myself because sometimes when you have such a big platform, it feels like you have to share everything about your life and what you're going through, but you're not actually processing it before you're sharing. Like you don't really have anything to

Speaker B: sink your teeth into, your hold on.

Speaker A: Yeah, like to have like a really, a true bit of wisdom to give to somebody, you're just in it. And I think that's important to, to also share. I think it you don't always have to have that bit of wisdom. But I feel like I'm going into a shift of being able to really draw from those experiences and give a little wisdom on the other side. It doesn't mean that I'm not going to ever deal with anxiety and depression and um, things. But I'm, I'm feeling that shift and I, I really felt an excitement more than I have truly in the last like three years to share. Yeah, I did not want to share for a long time and I do think there was like a part of that as protection. Um, a part of that was fear too that both went hand in hand. But I'm starting to feel more of a shift of actually feeling like it is my time to use what I've gone through, my influence and actually be able to have some contribution in a way that I've got some legs to stand on because I think that's another part of my story that I have to give grace for myself. I got a lot of uh, eyes on me when I felt so like a baby deer trying to figure out how to be myself. And then if I'm just myself, people actually love that I was like a little fawn.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: And then too much attention and um, I'm falling flat. And I've had to allow myself some time of a season of not having to share everything about my life but actually build behind the scenes that now I can have some, some stronger legs to stand on to then kind of go back out in a way. And so that's where I'm at. I'm in that shift and um, feeling really excited about that. What's next. But I think it's not fun to be in the season of waiting. But I've been in a season of waiting for a long time. But now it's my season to take some action and I'm feeling more invigorated to do that than I have in a really long time.

Speaker B: Love that for you. I think a couple last couple questions. But the being in niece at your wedding was. Mhm. Such a one. It was just an amazing weekend. Like it was just, it was so fun. Surreal. Surreal. Yeah. Um, but the energy of the people that were there, it was, it was about 125, 150 people.

Speaker A: 100. 101.

Speaker B: 101 people there. Right. So it wasn't this 10,000 person wedding. There was a small intimate gathering of 100 of your closest friends and the energy was just palpable. Do you think that that energy is a good Representation of your life right now. The energy that was felt on that weekend, I'm saying, from the rehearsal dinner to the. To the, uh, wedding itself to the ceremony, to, you know, I ran into you in the hotel lobby afterwards, and like, um, do you think that energy is a good representation of what your life is right now?

Speaker A: Yes, I do. I felt so proud of what we were able to create for that weekend. The energy, because that's all a reflection of the, um, relationships that we have in our life all coming together. Like, that was. That's probably been one of the best things that I've heard from people. Just like, man, you have really good people in your life.

Speaker B: Such good people. It was so the. The people. That's the energy and the people. Like, that's what I'm talking about.

Speaker A: Yeah, that I felt really proud. And that is a really good reflection of our life. And I think even every day, I feel like Adam and I are becoming more and more intentional with our relationships. And I'm so proud of the reflection of our wedding. When I think back to that girl in 2019, 2020, even that high school Hannah who had such a hard time having genuine connection sometimes because she didn't want to be seen. And to. To look around and know that hundred plus people in that room, like, have. Have seen me and loved me and loved Adam, um, and have seen Adam. And to feel that true love and support and knowing that, like, we. We have a group of people who have got our back in the good times and the hard times, who have been through a lot of different seasons for both of us, is something to really celebrate.

Speaker B: Really, um, is.

Speaker A: We celebrated it.

Speaker B: Oh, did we? Yeah. All right, three more questions. So, um, tonight I'll leave here. In a couple minutes, I'm gonna fly to Wisconsin and I'm going to pray for you. What should I pray for?

Speaker A: Oh, my gosh. Um, I always ask for people to pray for mine and Adam's relationship. That, um, I feel like God is just doing something big and in the way that we can influence other relationships in our lives. Um, and I just feel that. And that we would have the. I think the big one for me and for both of us is, like, our confidence to be able to step into that, to actually take that action. This energy that I'm feeling, to take action upon that, that would be something that I would really ask for prayer for. Um, because I'm. I'm feeling that brush. I've taken some action. I can feel the, like, nerves of, oh, gosh, God, do you really want me to do this and to have the confidence in him that he has me in this time for such a time as this. Like that. So that. And then, um, yeah, I mean, a lot of it is just confidence in my influence and that, um, truly, like, obedience to God and every day of

Speaker B: my life, love that. Where do people. Well, I know where they find you. They find you at Barnes and Noble. They find you online. They find you everywhere. Like, you find you everywhere. But right now, people that are listening to this, they want more Hannah Brown. They want more. They want to learn more, be more, become part of your ethos. Where do they find you? Where's the best place to follow?

Speaker A: I feel like my Instagram is. Is the best place. And you just, like, see more of who I am. I'm. I'm truly like, like I said, for the first time, like, just having more fun, like sharing my life, mine and Adam's life. It's been fun to just. Yeah. Be in that ethos of.

Speaker B: I will say I told Adam this morning on our walk, I said, um, I said, listen, I haven't seen some candied apples in a long time. I'm just letting you know, I was into the candy apples. You were making them pretty regularly.

Speaker A: Yeah.

Speaker B: So when are the candy apples making a reappearance?

Speaker A: They did make their appearance, but they were gone before I ever got to capture them. We had them last weekend.

Speaker B: Yeah, we need to. Your candy apple making skills. And every time I see it, because I haven't had a candy apple in forever, but every time I see a candy apple, well, my God.

Speaker A: Should have known. I would have tried to bust them out. You see, I haven't. I will say I haven't made them in a while. I went and bought some. Oh.

Speaker B: Oh. They weren't Hannah Brown made.

Speaker A: I have made them before. Like, twice.

Speaker B: Yeah, I remember that. Last year.

Speaker A: Yeah. And I made. Yeah, I made them twice last year, which is a big deal. I don't cook that much. That was a labor of love. Um, but now I found a place that makes them.

Speaker B: Well, I want to. I want to. I want to.

Speaker A: Hannah Brown special. Okay, I'll make that up.

Speaker B: All right, last question. Um, 70 years from now, 70 years from now, 75 years from now, um, when you leave this earth, what do you want your contribution to have been?

Speaker A: I mean, I think the greatest contribution is that I've led others to Christ. I mean, boom, like, in what. The gifts that God gave me, that I was able to lead others to find their true purpose. Um, to live a life that has meaning. Um, for people to just, like, feel love when they're around me.

Speaker B: Yeah. I think it's hard not to feel loved when you're around you.

Speaker A: Thank you.

Speaker B: I think it's almost impossible.

Speaker A: I appreciate that.

Speaker B: And I see it with everybody. I see it with people that don't know you, that randomly are coming up and asking me for pictures or autographs or whatever it might be. You give them love. It's pretty hard not to be. It's pretty hard to be around you and not feel loved. And somebody asked me the other day, um, you know, what? Is she like? Is she real? And I was like, well, what do you mean, is she real? And they're like, is she, like what she sees? And I say, oh, she's even better. She's even better. But now thinking that the answer that I should have said is, she'll make you feel loved.

Speaker A: Oh, yeah. I appreciate that.

Speaker B: Thanks for coming on.

Speaker A: Thanks for giving me.

Speaker B: Thanks for giving me your time. I know we went a little long, but, um, I don't.

Speaker A: This is the thing. When I decided I'm doing something, I don't. I don't know where my phone is. We're gonna do it. We're gonna fully do it.

Speaker B: Like, I'm all in.

Speaker A: Yeah. If I said yes, we're doing it.

Speaker B: We're doing it.

Speaker A: We're not gonna be, like, on some crazy time schedule.

Speaker B: Yeah. Well, I appreciate that, and, uh, thanks for letting me into your house, and thanks for letting me to your life. You know, obviously, I love you and

Speaker A: Adam, and, uh, we love you guys. We're very grateful.

Speaker B: Appreciate you. Thank you. Thanks for joining us on this episode of Cannonball Mindset. Can't wait to see you again.