66. Do this and be happy at work

Hello, I wanted to check in with you because I've not been on YouTube for ages, or the podcast. Thank you, Val, for listening. I'm currently walking through the streets of like a part of Amsterdam, Amsterdam Zuid, because I'm flying back to the UK tomorrow. And, um, I wanted to talk to you today because I learned about this amazing concept I think can really help you in your marketing career, and it's like a question or like a statement really.

And it just really helped me for the story that I'm about to share with you around like dealing with things that are difficult. So, you know, like when you're working and it just feels like this is so stressful and leaders are piling things on you, sales are demanding things of you, and you're desperately trying to like control what's gonna happen. And you feel like, if only I can get on top of all of this, then everything's going to be better. And I, like, have a tendency to be like that.

Um, having a background with anxiety in the past, like, I always - my coping mechanism was like, control everything. So it would feel like comforting to try and predict what was going to happen. Little boy running around a pillar. And I think we do this a lot in work.

We're like, if only I can get on top of my to-do list, if only I can get leaders to understand me. And the concept I wanted to talk to you about - it's actually harder to walk and talk than I imagined - is I don't mind what happens. So I'll go into it in more detail and I'll explain to you why I'm recording this now, how crazy the last couple of days have been. Um, if you're listening on the podcast, it's going to be a bit random.

I don't know how good the sound will be either because I'm just talking at my phone. You can watch me if you want on YouTube, B2BJ TV. And, um, so I'm reading this amazing book. I'm not going to tell you the book because I keep quoting from it loads recently and I don't want you to just run off and buy it.

I want to talk to you about loads of stuff first. So I'm reading this book and it's talking about the concept of time and how it's gonna - like, we live as if we have infinite time and we don't. And one of the ways that we try and control that unsettling destiny is we try and like predict the future, control everything, um, we think things take less time than they take in reality, and then we get really frustrated. So you know when you've got like, um, a form to fill out or something admin-based or one of your marketing task wheel tasks, and you're like, this should be taking - like, this should be quicker, this shouldn't take so long, this shouldn't be so complicated, this is so irritating, and you have to pause and go and find a document and you can't find the document, and then you just put it off and you're like, oh, there's no point.

The reason you're stressed in that moment is you thought it would take you 10 minutes, but it took - in reality, it takes 2 hours. And there's this other really cool concept that I don't even know what it's called right now. It's a very cool name, I'll look it up. Um, where basically this philosopher or behavioral scientist, I don't know, he was like, um, whatever time you think you know, whatever time you think you need for a task, you need to double it.

But if you double it and allocate that as time in your diary, that becomes the new amount of time, and that won't be enough time. Sounds very odd, but say you like block out your calendar for 2 hours to do like some admin work, um, you'll end up actually needing a lot longer than that. There's so much I can talk about with time, and that's not the point of this video today. May not make any sense, but let's get back to the main point, which is I don't mind what happens.

So you were saying the way to overcome the emotional distress of not being in charge of your own schedule, your own calendar, this idea that like no matter how hard you plan to be strategic in your marketing and no matter how much you try and not be sidestepped by colleagues and things, The reason you're finding work difficult is not because of those things actually happening, it's because of your emotional reaction to it. And that's why, like, I exist. Like, I am here to help you build a marketing strategy that your leaders will love, that you'll feel confident to present.

Because what does that say? Oh, someone's written something in chalk. I don't know what it says though. So, oh, where was I?

See, it's nice to get distracted. That's why things take longer. Um, so it's your emotional distress that leads to like your unhappiness at work, not the fact that life can't be planned. So I don't mind what happens, like write it and put it on a Post-it note on your computer, like, now.

Do it. Because I did that, and it was like the universe - not that I believe in the universe caring about me in any shape or form - um, the universe served up a little test, shall we say, because I flew to Norway on Wednesday. It's now Saturday, and I flew to Norway to speak at a marketing conference, and I've always wanted to go to Norway, so I was so excited when I was asked to go over to speak at a conference. And I got there, everything went well, did the conference, really fun.

Um, side note, like, tusen takk to the Norwegians for having me. Like, I could live in your country I belong in your country. Like, I laughed and I was like, I don't, I don't want to leave this place. I've always loved the Netherlands, um, so much.

My brother lives here. I come over quite a lot, um, just to like hang out with him, um, and I've always felt so at home here. But then, but Norway, another level. I could, I could move there in a second.

So what was my test? Okay, so this is a bit of a stupid story, but I just want to get out of my chest because no one will let me talk about things for that long. They get bored. But if you're just enjoying listening, and it will relate back to something that will help you at work, um, so do the comps on Thursday.

Thursday evening I get the train to Bergen to have a look around. Amazing, like this beautiful fish restaurant at the harbour, had a gorgeous piece of turbot with like amazing sides. It was just amazing, looking at the harbour. And then went up this mountain train to a viewpoint which was stunning.

Got back to my hotel, it's quite late, don't sleep very well because it's really hot in the hotel. No worries, I don't mind what happens. Like you just got to see what happens in life and go with it. Um, and then in the morning, my - what I had done is I had booked a flight to go and see my brother in Amsterdam on the way back, because with Bergen you have to fly via Amsterdam to get back to my airport in the UK.

And wow, Am I here? I don't know where I am. Um, you have to be so careful not to be run over by bikes out here. Um, really overestimated how easily I could focus on this video while walking everywhere.

So I get a message to say, like, so I'd booked - okay, reset. I booked a flight from Bergen to Amsterdam so that I could spend literally just 24 hours with my brother, check in on him, go for dinner, go for a walk, see his new town, and then the next day, which is today, just fly home. That came with loads of complications. Airlines don't like you changing things.

That's another story for another day. So I'm like all set to come visit my brother, It's not very long. And on the morning of the flight yesterday, they're like, "Hey, we've cancelled your flight." And I'm like, "Okay, woohoo, awesome."

"Oh yeah, we're flying you to Brussels. We're going to fly you to Brussels 2 hours later than you thought you were flying to Amsterdam. And then from Brussels, we're going to fly you to Amsterdam." Okay.

I don't mind what happens. Like, that was my mindset on it. Because if you think about it, like, you only have the present moment. Like, there's no other time.

So really, when you think about it, like, what's the difference? Like, people talk about, um, the stress of being in an airport or delays and stuff, but if you actually ground yourself in the moment - and you can apply this to anything - like, you're in work, someone runs in with an emergency, oh my gosh, we need this 'Bro, we're doing this conference next week, we need it now.' Your reality hasn't changed. All you have is the moment and what you pick to do with it.

So like, in a similar way for me deciding, 'I don't mind what happens. My day has changed here. I'm not getting stressed out by this.' Like a literal deep knowing and feeling.

Oh, hello. They weren't beeping at me. It's like you can apply it at work. So then I'm like gutted, obviously gutted, like that doesn't mean there's no disappointment involved because I had planned to see my brother.

I was going to land in Amsterdam at midday and this change meant I would land in Amsterdam at 4 PM and I was like, by the time I get my bag and get the train to his town, it's going to be like 6:00 PM and all I'm going to have time for is dinner, which is disappointing, yes, but I don't mind what happens. I don't mind. And I don't mind doesn't mean I don't care, doesn't mean you don't have like a preference on what's going to happen, but not minding is such a beautiful language because it helps you to recenter into the moment and be accepting.

And like, I guess it would like I'm really interested in like Japanese ancient wisdom and stuff and like just flowing like a river, whatever happens. And it's a similar thing. And then I land in Amsterdam, so I'm like, yeah, okay, I go from Bergen to Brussels, have to leave at like 8 in the morning versus like 2 and like 10. And, and then I'm like, I give them my bag and I'm like, are you definitely going to put this bag on the transfer flight.

Like, are you deaf? I, I had my bag. I was like, mister, is this bag going on the flight to Amsterdam after we arrive in Brussels? Like, is this gonna happen?

He's like, oh yes, miss, absolutely. I'm like, tu sais, great. Off I go into the lounge, like, have a little drink. Wait, get to Amsterdam, I'm like, woohoo, there's a train in 5 minutes.

All the bags are going around, bags are going around, no bags. Like, my bag does not come out. I don't mind what happens. I wasn't that bothered.

I was like, huh, here's a problem to solve. And that's another thing I've been learning in this book, is like, if you're waiting for a life where problems to be solved don't exist There's literally no point in living because every single thing you encounter is in some shape or form ultimately a problem to solve. Like, you're not quite sure what to have for dinner next week, even if you've been organized and you've planned all your meals for this week. There's still a problem to be solved of, oh, we want to go to Disneyland, how are we getting there?

It's a problem to be solved. Or a relative is unwell, we need to be there for them. A problem to be solved. Like, everything is always a problem to be solved.

And without them, there's zero friction in life. It's probably not that great anyway. Like, there's this guy, I can't remember his name, but like, he basically decided that like he didn't want - he wanted to be like, um, a digital nomad. And actually, if you really look into what a digital nomad means, it's sort of the opposite of what we probably want to be aiming for as humans anyway.

Like we are meant to be together. Like nomads in the past - forget digital nomad - nomads still had a bit of a tribe effect because they would go place to place, I think, like together. So you still had that sense of like everyone's helping each other, everyone sticks together, like you can't do this on your own. But now the rise of digital nomad is like people are more on their own, and then they living with like barely any possessions.

Just going place to place. And this guy was like living on a cruise ship most of the time and going around telling everyone how happy he was. He had no commitments, like cleaners, laundry service, like everything done for him. And he's like, all I do is whatever I want all the time.

And like, it does sound fun for a while, but I'm not sure that that is the formula to forever happiness. Why am I even talking about this? This is one of those like mindset podcast episodes. I hope you will enjoy.

So back to the bags, um, I go to KLM checkpoint, another 40 minutes. I'm like, oh, my dinner plans, even my dinner plans are going. And they're like, yeah, your bag's still in Brussels, it's going to be like 48 hours. And I'm stood there in a dirty t-shirt, um, like my trousers and stuff.

And I'm just like, what happens in this situation? Like, what? Anyway, I don't mind what happens, let's just see. So they're like, oh, we'll just go buy whatever you need and we'll pay for it.

I'm like, awesome. So I go and buy some pajamas, some toiletries, um, my brother actually lent me this like sweater. And then what's really cool is when I traveled to visit him, because I didn't have time to go to my hotel first. I didn't have my suitcase, so I was like, oh, if you reposition this - KLM have basically bought me loads of stuff, cool, and they're delivering my, um, luggage directly to my house in 48 hours, and I don't have to drag my case around.

Like, even now I wanted to like explore a little bit, and it means I don't have to have my case with me. So like, there's always a positive positive somewhere in there. And even if there isn't a positive, it is like, I think, grounding yourself into the moment of where you are, like, right now. Like, most of the issues and frustrations that come about don't actually change the moment that much, other than like quite serious, um, shock horror disasters.

Like, you got a call that someone in your family has become unwell and you have to like, oh my gosh, like, I think adrenaline is healthy in that situation, that's what, you know, it's needed to kick you into action. But your work is not an emergency. So if you put a sticker 'I don't mind what happens' onto your desk, that does not mean - that is so cute, like a little 3-wheeler 2-seater just went past, um, looked like a toy car. So if you put that on your desk and then in work, whenever something happens, you just remind yourself of that and you adapt.

That doesn't mean you're not aiming to be strategic. Like the reason I built B2B Breakthrough Academy, and by the way, like the current cohort is running, it's been so lovely working with the guys who are taking the program. They're on module 4 at the moment, building out their marketing activity plans. The next round is not - ooh, I can get run over by a truck.

The next round is not really gonna be a round. I'm gonna open up access soon to a self-paced version, so you can go and have a look at that at b2bj.com, 'cause what I'm saying is like, it is still so important to be focused on building a strategy, and a lot of people think that if you approach life and work with the 'I don't mind what happens,' you're going to be like passive and like not care. But it's genuinely the opposite.

Like, if you adopt that, you are gonna - God, there's so many bikes. Oh, and if you adopt that attitude, you're going to be freed up because you're not stressing out about everything. Oh, it's like my kids are here. You, you're like, you're not going to be freaking out about things that don't warrant being freaked out over.

You can stay calm in the moment when your leaders put last-minute things onto your plate. You can calmly explain to them, well, look, if I'm doing this, that means I can't do X, Y, and Z. And you're going to be calm, and you can use that energy that you've gained in, um, cool, I love all the bikes. Um, you can use that energy you've gained to be productive toward becoming more strategic.

So, well, this episode was different than usual, um, I wanted to get it all off my chest. Like, a past version of me would have freaked about that situation, but, um, it's fine. Um, and I really think that the concept of 'I don't mind what happens' can really transform things for you. Let me know in comments or drop me a message if this resonated with you.

I hope you enjoyed this episode being a bit more like raw and real. Um, we're all just out here in life just trying to navigate it, and I think that if we can just accept that living in the moment, whatever's happening, just ground into the moment, um, everything just releases a little bit. Because marketing is never going to be an emergency, like ever. It's never going to be an emergency, and, um, a lot of your colleagues will make you feel like it is.

So hope this has been useful, and I will see you on the next one.