55. The Steps to Managing Conflict in the Workplace

Speaker A: Welcome to the Nurse Leader Network podcast with your host, Chris Racinos. Wherever you're going on your Nurse Leader journey, we're here to help you get there. Welcome, everybody, to the Nurse Leader Network and Happy Nurses Week. Today on our podcast, we are going to be talking about something that many of us avoid, that is conflict. So we're going to talk about all things conflict today, including why sometimes we need it and how to manage it when we don't. So let's start off with talking about why does conflict occur? Why do we get upset? Why do we engage in conflict with people that we work with in relationships? The reality is there's a couple of things that will trigger conflict. Some of these things include differences in ideas. So if my idea of how to solve a problem is different, then your idea of how to solve a problem, we're going to have some type of conflict. We can have conflict when our values don't align, right? So we're seeing everything that's going on right now with Roe versus Wade. That is a conflict of values that is occurring. Or beliefs could also be beliefs. So, um, our beliefs don't align with your beliefs. Sometimes it's economic values, so things economically that'll trigger it, and then sometimes it's just our professional values. And so there's a variety of different things that can trigger conflict in the workplace. And we're going to talk about how to negotiate and get through those, because we all know conflict's not typically comfortable. Now, that being said, believe it or not, sometimes we actually want conflict. So it's kind of like in a relationship, if there's zero conflict, we're not going to have any growth in the organization. We're going to have organizational stasis, right? There's going to come to a standstill in those areas where there's not conflict. Sometimes it can be a signal that people have just given up, so they're sick of trying. They don't feel like their voices are being heard with those people. They stop having the conflict, they stop engaging, and then the organization comes to a standstill. On the flip side, we might have too much conflict. So when we have too much conflict, it is going to impair the organizational effectiveness. Employees are going to become immobilized. They also will begin to shut down and withdraw. So these are some effects of things that are going to happen when there's either too little conflict or too much conflict in an organization. We want there to be conflict, um, but not too much, not too little. Ideally, the level of conflict that is healthy for an organization is one that's going to promote and produce growth within that organization. So once we get to a point where we're no longer growing, we're going to say, okay, we need to look at. Is this conflict something that we need to continue having or not? We've talked about too much or too little conflict. There's also two different types of conflict. So that's quantitative how much or how little. But we're going to talk about qualitative, the two different types of conflict, and those are destructive or constructive. So destructive conflict is going to have negative effects on the individuals, negative effects on the team, negative effects on the organization. Constructive conflict is going to lead to positive effects on people and results. Those people are going to feel heard, they're going to feel like their contributions are valuable, and you're going to see positive outcomes at the level of the organization. Now, as a nurse, you need to be sure that you are prepared to have conflict when any of these kind of things begin to arise. So having a scarcity mindset is one example of a time where you can anticipate that there is going to be conflict, whether that is a perceived scarcity or a real scarcity. Let's talk about staffing. Sometimes there's a perceived scarcity. It feels like we are short today. Sometimes we are really actually short, and this is becoming dangerous. Anytime there is a scarcity type of mindset or feeling, there is going to be conflict. You want to prepare for conflict anytime that there's restructuring going on. So if we are going to restructure departments, if we are going to restructure organizations, restructure the different policies or procedures, all of that is going to lend itself to conflict. Sometimes if there's poorly defined roles. So if people don't understand what they're supposed to be doing, maybe they think somebody else is doing it, or maybe somebody else thinks that they are doing it. Um, those types of poorly defined roles tend to lend themselves to conflict. If you are having conflict in an organization and you aren't sure why, one step that you might want to look at or one place you want to want to start with is going to be the organizational layers. So sometimes there's going to be a problem with the organizational spans and layers that you have that is going to contribute to conflict in the organization, Perhaps you have too many layers, right? So it's really bureaucratic and we just can't get anything changed. Perhaps you have too few layers and the workload is just so immense and tremendous that the folks Doing the work just can't continue to sustain at that level. So that's when it's time to look at the organizational level. Lastly, and this is one that we most commonly think about when we talk about conflict is individuals. So looking at individuals, behaviors. So there are some folks that are going to have behaviors that are going to cause conflict. And then it is your role as a nurse leader to manage that. So, uh, as you're sitting there thinking about, I want you to think of a conflict that is currently going on in your workplace. Take a second, think about it, and I'm going to describe what conflict escalation looks like. So if in that conflict we are seeing things like individuals having high levels of competition during conversation, people are just not listening, right? They're waiting to just speak, but they're not listening. If you're having constant bickering, if there's any type of threats or intentional hurt, or if people are just violating social norms, social rules, right? So rolling of the eyes, uh, those kind of things, calling out names, any of those kind of things demonstrate and are letting you know that that conflict is escalating. It's going in the wrong direction. Now we know conflict is going in the right direction. When you're seeing this, this is de escalation. Conflict de escalation. When people are listening to understand, they genuinely are not trying to respond. They are trying to understand when people are having tactful conversations, right? So they're being very respectful when people are appealing for de escalation, right? So when members of the team or whoever's engaged in the conflict is saying, hey, I think it's time that we deescalate this. We need to bring it down. When there's gestures of goodwill, people are going out of their way to really try, um, and be courteous to one another. Anytime that people are airing their feelings, right? So they're starting with the I feel sentences. When people are doing that, we are actively de escalating the conflict. And then lastly is really seeking to find alternatives to the current thing that they are attempting to solve. So look at your conflict that you're in right now, or the conflict that you're seeing at your job, where is it at? Uh, is it on the pattern of escalation or is it on the pattern of de escalation when it comes to personal conflict? So we've talked about the de escalation and escalation of organizational conflict, but personal conflict, some of the things that you are going to notice is going to be on the escalation pattern will look a little bit different. It'll have some of those. But you may see things like a breach of confidence, a breach of, uh, inclusion. We're not including that person. Or a breach of loyalty or trust. Common sayings that you may hear that are going to clue you into, okay, we are escalating this conflict. Instead of de escalating are, uh, when people say things like, that's not fair, you're singling me out, you don't like me and you don't trust me. Those are all indications that your conflict is escalating. And it is time for you to put your de escalation hat on. And I am going to teach you now how to actively de escalate a conflict. So the stages of conflict, you'll again, we've talked about escalation, de escalation. The very first thing that you will see as conflict begins to arrive is anticipation. People are thinking about this type of conflict is bothering them. Next tend to be people do not express the differences. So it goes from people anticipating and then there's just unexpressed differences. Right. Maybe they're expressing it to people in private, behind closed doors. Next thing is, we have our discussion. There's a discussion that occurs. We then end up having open conflict, which is where it's aired out. And then that can become destructive open conflict if it is not handled in a healthy way. So we want to move through anticipation, those uh, differences, the discussion and the open conflict, and then arrive at a suitable conclusion to that and not go into that open destructive conflict. So now we're going to talk about some of the steps for resolving that conflict. So step number one is know your intention. You need to, in the midst of that conflict, take a step aside and think about what is your intention, what biases might lie behind that intention. So we get to know our intention by getting clear and clarity. We're going to hold space, we're going to become non defensive. We want to try and put ourselves in a neutral position. At that point, it's really important to use active listening. So you're going to say things like, I feel blank when you blank. Because blank period. I would like blank. That's a neutral language. It's calm. No profanity, no name calling, no exaggerations of the truth. This is where you can hold that space and really understand your own true intentions behind what is going on in that space. It's always important to make sure that you seek first to understand and then be understood. So that's a common saying. And you want to truly not try and get people to understand you. You want to understand them first. If you go in there with that mindset, it is going to put you on the active path to de escalation. Because it's really important to understand that the second piece of it is going to be really counting the cost of the conflict. Right? So as a mom, I remember people telling me, you want to pick your battles with your kids. There's some battles that are just not worth fighting, right? You might, you might win the battle and lose the war. Right? And we don't want to do that. We want to be mindful about when we engage in conflict and when the conflict is actually necessary. So we're going to analyze it. We're going to ask things like what triggered this conflict? Who is the individuals, uh, angry or upset with? What are they not getting that they want? What are they afraid of learning? Or what are you afraid of learning by listening? Is that conflict? What's coming up? Is it real or is it perceived and exaggerated? And then lastly, can the conflict be solved? Sometimes the conflict just can't be solved. Um, and so we want to analyze what is the cost of letting this conflict go versus is this a conflict we need to engage in? And we need to have that healthy conclusion. Once you have looked at knowing your intention, getting really clear, understanding the cost of engaging in the conflict, then it's time to really make sure that you can state the impact of what the conflict is. So what is impact? The next piece is going to be to really acknowledge your part in it and acknowledge their best intentions. And so you want to acknowledge whatever part you have in that conflict and then acknowledge their best intentions. From there, you can then begin to open up the negotiation phase. And so you're going to then negotiate now if it's a behavioral problem, right. We're moving away from the team based conflict into the behavioral based conflict. If it's an individual and their behavioral based conflict, at that point, sometimes there is not negotiation that can happen. Sometimes we need to correct that behavior. And so at that point we are going to look for supervisor support. We want to go and talk to our supervisor and say, hey, this is what I'm seeing. Do you have a different lens on it? Here are, uh, what my intentions are. Once you have cleared that and had that conversation with your supervisor and you're all on the same page, it's time to then have that sit down with that employee and really discuss whatever that bad behavior is. And then, you know, make sure you Have a follow up plan in place, right? So sometimes the bad behavior is going to warrant having some type of performance improvement plan. That's okay. That might be how you manage that conflict. Sometimes you're going to agree to disagree, right? So maybe the employee is not agreeing that, but you're going to put it down on paper like this is what the expectations of your behavior are and this is how we're going to monitor that those happens. So that's going to be an example of an individual behavior conflict. When it comes to different strategies that you can use to deal with conflict, there's a couple of things you can do. The first one that you could do is uh, a competition or you kind of can have fight, right? You feel like you have the data that you need to make whatever decisions you're making. In this example, it's a win lose situation. So one person's going to win and the other person is going to lose. An example might be things like you can't have food in the med room because of joint commission, right. It's just not allowed. Um, and in those, win or lose, I'm sorry, I can't help you with that. It's based on our accreditation. Another example is going to be collaboration where both parties win. So it's a win win. This is where both parties are going to work through those difficulties. So an example might be, hey, you know what, let's look at that policy together. Maybe I misinterpret it, maybe I was wrong. The next strategy is to compromise. So both parties are going to give something up so that they can get to a midpoint. So, um, that, uh, type of conflict might be, for example, like with salary, maybe you have somebody who's coming in and asking for a salary and you know that you can't get to the salary that they want, but you can compromise where and you come to some midpoint agreement for the salary. Lastly, M is denial or avoidance. This is when people just pretend there's no problem or when both parties end up losing and then bad feelings remain. We don't ever really want to get to that denial or avoidance section. So we want to make sure that when we have the conflict that we do manage it in one of the other ways. Now when you are working with an individual, sometimes when you're managing that conflict, you're going to see things like emotions, right? So there's going to be high emotions in there. It's your job to not engage irrationally, um, and emotionally. Right. Don't take it personal. You need to be able to take your leader hat put it on and not engage emotionally, just like they say. Also another mom saying, um, is, you know, sometimes bad attention is better than no attention. And so you want to be mindful that you don't want to give that bad intention as a reward because then it creates a new cycle and a new pattern. And so you want to make sure that you're giving the person the appropriate attention that they need and that you're not giving them a bad reaction or bad intention. So we've talked a little bit about what causes conflict when you can anticipate that there is going to be conflict. We talked a little bit about organizational conflict, how to manage and negotiate that. Again, to recap, we want to make sure that we understand our own intentions, that we have that clarity that we are really seeking to understand before we are understood, we understand what the cost of this conflict is going to be. And then at that point we're going to look at organizationally, is there some type of compromise or is there a, uh, win win where that we can get to what are the alternatives in a behavioral individual conflict? At that point we're going to look at does this behavior need to be modified? If it does need to be modified, what are those steps? And then those steps again are looking at the supervisor support, having that sit down and then having the um, full circle closure so that everybody's on the same page about how that behavior needs to be addressed. I hope this has helped with the first stages of conflict resolution. We're going to talk more on the Nurse Leader Network podcast about specific techniques you can use, including different conversational techniques and things like that to de escalate conflict. But again, today we Talked about conflict 101. What are the high level things that you can do as a leader to help de escalate that and uh, be aware of when a conflict is escalating so that you can de escalate. Until next week, everybody.