1604: Emotional Intelligence, Purpose and Healing with Bryan Blakeny

Speaker A: Foreign.

Speaker B: Lake ME has spent more than two decades helping people just like you turn emotional pain, conflict and self doubt into purpose, confidence and peace of mind through emotional and spiritual intelligence. And the good news is you don't have to wait for a crisis before you seek guidance. So this man has worked with couples, young professionals, parents and teens. When relationships start breaking down, when we need some anger resolution, and when we just need to maybe beef up, dial in our emotional intelligence. That way we can perhaps discover some of these hidden abilities and find new confidence so that we can achieve our own potential. It seems to be universal, what we all want. He is the author of Top Secret Secret, Declassifying the Meaning of Life, Empowering Wisdom and True happiness in this life and Beyond. So Brian blakeneytherapy.com we're about to uh, maybe laugh and cry and cuddle into a tiny little ball, but we'll get some ahas and breakthroughs about our own inner working. So, Mr. Brian, how are you?

Speaker A: I'm doing great. Robert, how are you? It's great to be with you.

Speaker B: I'm fabulous. I am grateful. I am optimistic, even though, uh, like anyone, some days are easier or harder than others. So I know I have to be intentional and deliberate about my own happiness and focus. And I'm excited to, uh, get some secrets from you as well. Thank you.

Speaker A: I'm eager to share.

Speaker B: Very good. And so speaking of being eager to share, what do you think I left out of that introduction? What are you all about? What is your uniqueness?

Speaker A: One of the things that uh, makes me unique is, ah, that I've always been passionate about this idea of purpose for human beings and kind of a twofold purpose that uh, we as individuals have our own unique purpose that we get to create, uh, and design for ourselves, but also the possibility that there is a collective greater purpose for why we exist on this planet. And so part of my work, uh, that uh, I enjoy is, uh, the chance to build the bridge to connect people with, not only identifying, uh, their own personal calling, uh, skill sets and the life that they want to design, their own purpose to design, but also a collective, uh, purpose that we all share together that can, like a rising tide that can lift all boats together.

Speaker B: Very good. So there's layers of purpose, right? There's our own personal and then the greater good. And I love that keyword. And it gives me a flashback to maybe about a year ago. I had a mentor and I told him, like, you know, there's this task and that task that I just don't seem to be Doing well. Like, I'm like, well, I need to be, uh, you know, speaking to people about this. I need to be having this awkward conversation. I need to be kind of doing this thing on repeat, that it's difficult and it's long term and I don't see immediate results and how do I push through? And his answer was like, you know, rediscover your purpose and, and keep reminding yourself of it. So that way you can push through and do those things that might be hard, awkward, difficult, delayed gratification, et cetera. And it's helped me out, but I feel like I could use more of like digging deep about like, what purpose is and looks like and how I can uh, pursue it even better. So if I were to ask you, Mr. Brian, just to give us a good example of like, what purpose looks like, if I were to ask you, like, what's your purpose, what would you tell me?

Speaker A: Uh, I'd say purpose, uh, looks like clarity of vision. Uh, it looks like, uh, a liberating energy, an uplifting energy. Ah. And it potentially looks like, uh, having um, a path or horizon greater than ourselves. It's a vision, it's a contribution greater than ourselves essentially to become outward looking rather than just confined to our own selves.

Speaker B: And you know, I'm thinking back over many years and one time I had a podcast guest and you know, everyone has, has goals and they want to plug their company or their app. And this one guy, and I forgot his name, I forgot his website, forgot all of it. But he said that he wanted to take plastic out of the ocean. Like all of it, all the plastic, all the ocean. I was like, just a, uh, simple statement. It's like what you're saying here, right? There's the clarity, conciseness, but it's also like a huge goal. And anyone hears that, they think like, what, how does that even happen? And so like, you've helped people, you've seen people with different purpose. Like, how do we get there? How do we uh, get like a tangible purpose that we can share that like, hits us the way something like that does?

Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. Uh, I really like that question. Uh, uh, many potential answers. But uh, for me personally, uh, of course it all begins with awareness. There's two primary emotions for human beings, love and fear. And in a sense it's like potentially all roads lead to Rome, whether through fear or through love. And it's an awareness of, uh, how the things occur to us as human beings and at what point through either love or pain, does the heart awaken so it's an elevating of consciousness to consider that in the same way that you know, uh, we have different stages of human development and at one point maybe we're, we're adolescent, right? We experience adolescence. Maybe it's a self. Not all adolescents go through a self centered time, but we kind of expect certain things, certain mindsets with adolescents as this struggle with identity and independence from adults or from our parents. Uh, and so part of that journey is we kind of expect humanity collectively as well to go through these different stages. And so at one point we may be in a more self centered stage, but there may be another stage where now we're ready for love and we're ready to start a family. And now that same person that was maybe had a trouble, troubled adolescence now turns into the most amazing and selfless parent.

Speaker B: M so there are seasons of life, you're saying, different modes that we're in and then where, you know, where we get to uh, to winter and then now it's time for spring and we kind of have, have those ebbs and flows and it's kind of beautiful to think about, right, that, that uh, as different as humans can be, unless you're a sociopath and that's a real small percentage. But in general humans all have these same emotions, right? And these same struggles. And so when you talk about there's uh, these base emotions, these paths, love and fear. Could you tell us more about that? Like what does it mean for you? What's your love and fear journey been like?

Speaker A: Oh man, uh, ah, it's been as real and human as human gets. Ah, right. We're on the same boat together. Uh, and of course, you know, it's to love and to be loved. Right. We all potentially fear rejection. It's amazing how we can be in relationship and still potentially fear rejection from our own partner. Uh, so, ah, any number of uh, you know, feelings, uh, that with uh, the expressions of love, so we could think of all of the good qualities or virtues, uh, we could think of uh, whether generosity, kindness, humility, selflessness, joy, they all stem from love. But the negative emotions, uh, greed, hatred and so forth, they tend to stem from fear. So if we're in negative emotion, the likelihood is that we're more connected to our fear than our love. And love liberates, it gives life. I mean if you think about how most of us ideally hopefully most of us, hopefully we were created from love making, hopefully we were created from love, the intention of love and yet, and hopefully most people hopefully have a Mother, not everyone does, but hopefully has had, um, a mother that has loved them, nurtured them. And it's amazing that from coming from love and a nurturing of love largely, it's amazing how we can have a world that is, uh, so steeped in fear at times. It's like, how is it that there's so much fear and survivalistic living going on when at the same time we supposedly, ideally most of humanity hopefully has come from love. Like, how is it that fear tends to predominate? Of m course, our brains are designed for survival. They're designed to look for patterns. And depending on our environment, we may find more negative patterns than uplifting, loving patterns.

Speaker B: Well, this is helpful so far. And I feel like I need to pull up that plot cam wheel of emotion because when I first came across that, I was like, whoa, like these emotions, there's the good and the bad and the love, uh, and the fear and everything in between. And then there's like the, the sub branches. I'm like, whoa. It's, it's not just this random, chaotic hodgepodge. People have said, like, you know, however you're feeling, you can say, hey, there's where I am on a map and there's the base emotion that comes from and here's where I can kind of move it over to something more. And what I'm getting from you is that there's like the default setting, there's the blank space, right? If we don't have the self awareness, if we just are not in control of our emotions and we just say, hey, I'll just, I'll live life by a roll the dice happenstance. Then we'll default to fear, negativity and the bad. Or we can have the choice to say, well, I can do better and I can choose, uh, to be healthy, happy, productive, and choose more positivity. And so you, you really got my curiosity going here. Mr. Brian, my understanding is that you are an expert who understands sufferings, fears and doubts. And where do you fit into this equation? Like what kind of an expert are you? Like credentials wise? And if someone has these problems, like what are the problems they have and how do you help?

Speaker A: Yeah, so, uh, my studies, my degrees are in social psychology and social work, um, with a specialty, personalized specialty in emotional and spiritual intelligence. It's building the bridge between going beyond this idea of IQ or intelligence quotient. Uh, we think of, uh, intelligence. One of the main capacities of intelligence is the ability to solve problems. And life of course, is full of problems. But uh, raw intelligence, uh, alone does not account for solving problems in a way that either bring us success, happiness or joy. Right? Just because someone has a high IQ does not mean that, uh, uh, they're, uh, living in the lap of luxury and happy. Their life may just be a mess as well. And so, uh, the key factor there is our emotional intelligence. And it doesn't mean that we're perfect, but it means that it at least helps us to better navigate and solve the problems of relationships. And that's the ultimate goal of emotional intelligence, is being able to handle relationships more effectively. None of us are perfect. So in other words, we still struggle. At no point do we say, hey, I've arrived. Right? Doesn't mean we all have it figured out, but it means that we feel more empowered, that, hey, we will get through it and get through it in a way ideally that helps preserve unity, that deep sense of connection. To say, hey, you were hurt, I was hurt. So can we stay united? Can we heal together? Can that connection still help us to heal together? When we're not healthy, emotionally, uh, that's where we're not able to stay in relationship to heal. Because healing is a lot harder outside of relationship. Why? Because we're social creatures. And so, uh, in terms of, uh, my journey, um, whether it's with individuals and couples, I, um, have a unique approach in being able to, um, bring people to a common ground in which they can see their own issues and share them in a way that can better make sense to the other side. In other words, how at the. At the core for human beings is how the things occur. We get so caught up on, uh, judgments and preconceived interpretations. It's like my frame. My interpretation is the right one. My frame is the right one. But what's beautiful is that when we can be, actually be present this idea of seek first to understand, then be understood, and when we can come together in common ground, of, uh, hey, this is how this situation occurs to me. Can you share with it? Share with me how it occurs to you. And from there we can basically deconstruct meaning and then reconstruct a meaning that unites us both and helps us both to heal.

Speaker B: Ooh, interesting technique, right? Being more careful and deliberate in your speaking and making sure that. That you're understood and that you understand them. And. And people are quite messy, aren't they? Like, just there's. And I think we've all fallen in that trap of, of saying, uh, I'll fantasize about this conversation. I'm about to have and you think it'll go one way and the reality it's nowhere near that. And getting maybe frustrated with people, right? And having the wrong expectations, leading to anger and realizing that people can't be exactly what you want them to be there, you know, they're independent of you. So there's kind of unpredictable factors at times and there's a lot to think about and like a lot of areas we could go in and this show there's a lot of uh, entrepreneurs, business owners in the audience. And so I'm always thinking about, especially in terms of eq, I do want to be happy, but I want to be more like productive and successful than happy. And I would sacrifice a lot of happiness in order to, to get to some results because I know well if, if my business uh, doesn't perform the way I want or fails or if bad things happen then that will lead to my, my long term unhappiness. So it seems like the, like the entrepreneur, we're problem seeking and uh, kind of create a lot of trouble for ourselves and it's just uh, a lot to navigate. And so in your travels, you know, there's that person that maybe they're, they got a job or they've got a career, but there's like the business owner who's more independent. Like what's insights do you have about that? Or if there's this entrepreneur out there who says well I need more self awareness, help me understand how I tick. What would you say?

Speaker A: Yeah, can you repeat that last part and want to make sure that it came through clearly.

Speaker B: Okay, so uh, an entrepreneur, business owner, if they want the self awareness, if they want to know what makes them tick, if they asked you that question, what would you say? What makes me tick?

Speaker A: What makes you tick? Well, uh, the two things that come to mind are of uh, course for human beings, we want to know that we're good enough and that we're worthy of love. Uh, and uh, through that lens, uh, it's uh, um, how are they showing up in the world? In other words, do they feel a basic sense of purpose? Do they feel a basic sense of fulfillment? Because success, as you well know, uh, with your journey and interviews that um, success doesn't always equal happiness or fulfillment. So it's like what makes us fulfilled. In other words, it's better. We say it's better to give than to receive. And so sometimes it's that, what's that missing link? Is there the opportunity to connect more deeply? Uh, it's like the question of if, uh, you were to receive a million dollars, I might say, hey, if you were to receive M, have the chance to be given a million dollars or 20 million dollars or a billion dollars, but m, the only thing is, in receiving that money, you had to agree to give up your life in two days. Right. You only had two days to enjoy it. And you could help a lot of people in those two days, but would you still accept the money? And this sometimes is a quick reset in terms of our values. We say we want success, we say we want more money, but what we really value is our life and our time and how we show up. How are we showing up with that life and time? How do we want to fill that time? And as, uh, Lincoln famously, uh, stated that it's not the number of days in your life that count, but it's the amount of life, not the number of years in your life, but the amount of life in your years that you live.

Speaker B: Yes. Very wise. Yeah. And you make us think of our priorities.

Speaker A: Yeah. Say that again.

Speaker B: Oh, I say you make us think with these fun, playful questions.

Speaker A: Okay, great.

Speaker B: Great.

Speaker A: Yeah. And there's no shortage of questions that we can all ask ourselves. It's part of it is just kind of turning on curiosity and, uh, uh, just being open to elevating consciousness. Like, hey, I want to grow. I don't know how to grow, but I want to grow. What are some questions that I could ask? Or I could just as you. You're fantastic at, uh, what you do and the questions that you ask. And so sometimes we could ask others. Hey, could you ask me some questions? Just, hey, just randomly, could you ask me some questions that could just kind of have me thinking from a new perspective? That's what, Robert, that's what your questions with you here, uh, today, uh, those questions, they help stir up things for me, myself. It helps me grow.

Speaker B: Of course. Yeah. Questions are magical, right? It's like you're not forcing an agenda or a response. You're sometimes just, like, opening the door to new lines of thought. Right? You're just asking, what? Well, what if? Or here's this fun, playful alternative scenario, and just consider this. Uh, it's, uh, quite a different layer of communication, and so you ask about the fun of questions. Well, I think it's time to turn your superpowers on yourself in a way, because in these podcast interviews near the end, at this point, I like to ask about the missing question that I should be asking you, but I don't know to ask you. So it's kind of like a cheat for me because I'm making you do all the work. So in this conversation we're having, there's some big ideas, there's uh, quite a, just a lot of weight to what we're speaking about. But we're only uh, have a few minutes remaining. So like what do you think is important at this point? What's that missing question that I should be asking you? I just don't know to ask you.

Speaker A: Sure. Uh, one possibility is, uh, hey Brian, uh, how did you get into this work and field that you're in? Uh, and so I would uh, say, well, with that question, um, oddly enough my mom had a profound near death experience giving birth to one of my brothers. And she had uh, uh, a profound, became aware of other realms or dimensions of consciousness. Uh, even was greeted by her father who had passed years prior and became aware of ancestors she had never met, became aware of sounds, music and colors she had never experienced in this realm, or dreams something entirely distinct from even the dream state. And so growing up I was fascinated with her experience because while they were uh, doing the emergency C section on her, you know, her consciousness lifted up above the ceiling as if the ceiling did not exist. Uh, and so uh, I was passionate about, curious to learn more about that. And so over time I decided I wanted my work to potentially influence the eternal journey of the soul. And so part of my work is elevating consciousness as to new possibilities that go beyond the visible, beyond what we may take for granted as to what if consciousness continued? How would we live our life? How would we pursue our businesses, entrepreneurship and marketing, if we knew that there was something greater, something beyond, uh, this

Speaker B: physical realm, beyond the eyes that would be mind expanding. And we've all had maybe hindsight and said, you know, that thing I was so concerned about like you know, five, 10 years ago, like I have the answer now, but in the moment I was just so uncertain, confused, stressed out. And so we could definitely benefit from that consciousness lifting to exist outside of time or pursue other paths or opportunities. And so if someone says, this guy Brian, he's got potential, he might be someone who, who can help me to resolve the pain, overcome the ordeal, inspire purpose and create success. And there's a phone number on your website which is 713-484-9797. That's AH-713-484-9797. And your book that we mentioned before, Top secret. And if so, if someone says, okay, well I like a lot of what Brian's saying, uh, and I want to contact him or move things to the next step, but I'm not sure if I'm qualified. So how does someone know if they have the right pain for your solution? And what is your solution?

Speaker A: Yeah, great question. Uh, so, uh, the first part is, uh, if there is pain, if there is a questioning of identity, of transition. Right. Uh, if there's a uh, transition of some kind, it could be um, midlife crisis or you know, wondering if it is one, uh, any type of emotional pain or doubt as to purpose questioning, uh, this life, trying to stay in this life in terms of finding uh, the energy, the motivation to continue struggling, to make meaning out of the difficulties and the ordeals. Um, uh, this is my opportunity, this is my gift, joy. To help uh, people shift the meaning of what they're going through. And so again, as you had shared, uh, this is uh, a copy of the book Top Secret and as you can see, empowering success and true happiness in this world and beyond. And so I get to share with uh, people whether they uh, have a copy of the book or not. I get to share with them the nine keys, uh, which of course, uh, one of the chapters goes into mindfulness, it goes into love, it goes into justice, uh, understanding science, believe it or not, from a totally new perspective. Uh, so, uh, so yes, many, many ways that uh, that I can assist people from different uh, perspectives and different walks of life that they may be.

Speaker B: Yeah. And we could all benefit from some kind of help. Right? If you're carrying a uh, big heavy box and it's just you and it's too wide and it's awkward and someone else comes along and they just grab the other end, it makes things so much easier. And so there's that uh, this book Top Secret with the nine keys. And you have my curiosity. I'm looking at the table of contents. We're looking at mindfulness, vision, science, spirituality, love, service, education, justice and unity. And these are all things that we can discover and figure out the secrets and have this greater self awareness. And so this book, Top Secret that we're mentioning here, it intertwines the most memorable of uh, your experiences that you've gone through with raising your consciousness with metaphor, science, history and inspiration. So that way we can get on a better path and discover some secrets and get to what you've been speaking about. There's the personal fulfillment, but also the unity and, and helping out mankind in general. It's a great thought and we could uh, use your help. So there's the phone Number, there's the book, there's the website, Brian BlakeNeyTherapy.com. and if someone says, okay, like, where does Brian suggest I go? What's the starting point? What's, like, the logical first, next step after listening to our podcast?

Speaker A: Yeah. Um, so, uh, the next logical step is, uh, finding the courage. Uh, of course, uh, there's, uh, uh, not just the fear of reaching out, but there's the cost of not reaching out. In other words, sometimes we delay change. We delay insight and progress. And, uh, one of the things that we talk about in this journey is the role of our ego. We all have an insistent self. I often call the ego the insistent self, the stubborn self that gets in the way of growth and progress and pursuing certain opportunities. That somehow the fear, uh, the fears somehow are greater than the love of opportunity, the love of actually transforming our lives. Um, so I love to share with people, uh, nuances of how their ego shows up and prevents them from growing in ways that are meaningful. That's often, can often be an early start.

Speaker B: Oh, nice. So, yeah, and it's. I'm sure if someone is trying to navigate this themselves, they're not even thinking these things. Right. They're not able to put a label on things or identify a situation the way that you can. And so Brian Blakeney, lcsw, Texas for licensed. He can, uh, have this discussion and kind of talk through some things. Because Mr. Brian says that even your favorite athlete or artist or more than likely has a coach, it's not just them. They have others helping them up. And so if this ego is getting in the way, if you're resistant to change, staying in comfort, then you need to reach out to Mr. Brian in whatever format makes sense for you. Right. There's blakeneytherapy.com that phone number 713-484-9797. Uh, he's got an office at 2323 South Voss Road, Houston, Texas. He's got this book we mentioned, Top Secret Declassifying the Meaning of Life. There's a YouTube channel, YouTube.com eqwise and an Instagram. Instagram.com uh, Blake knee purpose Coaching and Art. We'll have links to all that in the description. But as you say, Mr. Brian, it's important to find that courage and to say, well, it's. It's maybe time for a change or time to ask for help. And that can be scary, but maybe we need to, uh, just explore some of these possibilities with you. And so if someone says, okay, I'm going there, I'm reaching, uh, out for help, I'll go to the website, I'll make the phone call. Like, what is that? Like, is that like setting time on the calendar? Or like if someone says, I'm not even sure what I'm asking, what Brian might say, like, what would this initial communication be like?

Speaker A: Yeah, so the initial communication, uh, could be something as simple as uh, sending me a text message. Uh, uh, for a brief call, it could be a two minute call, a five minute call. I offer up to 15, sometimes 20 minutes free consult, you know, just to see if it would be a good fit. So there's no commitment, initial commitment required. You're just saying, hey, would this be a good fit for you? Would I be a good fit for you? Uh, and so, uh, it's the old saying that when the student is ready, the teacher appears. Well, the teacher is always ready. My work, the teacher is always ready. It's just waiting for students that will allow themselves to feel qualified. So when the student is ready, the teacher appears.

Speaker B: And how many, yeah, there have been many, uh, decisions where I've made, I'm sure you've made, Brian. I'm sure people out there have made where when you finally do it, you say, why didn't I do this two and a half years ago? Why did it take me so long? And so if you're at that point, if the time is now to have that 2 minute, 5 minute, 20 minute call, whatever, just explore possibilities, have a discussion. That's 713-484-9797. You can call, you can text and just get a little bit of time and uh, tell Brian your woes and ailments and uh, and worries, concerns, and you'll figure out a plan. Uh, he's a certified anger resolution therapist and he's just, he, he's seen a lot and he can help, uh, someone like you, young professional business owner, entrepreneur, and exceeding your expectations. And so it's been quite a eye opening, enlightening conversation here, Brian. It's hurt my brain a little bit in a good way, like talking about these concepts and ideas and for the purposes of us, uh, ending the conversation on a high note, it's time to put you on the spot and ask about a fun or interesting quote or lesson that has served you. So what comes to mind as far as a fun or interesting quote or lesson?

Speaker A: Oh my goodness, a million and one. Um, I would uh, I'll share, uh, very briefly. One is uh, the metaphor of building a, creating a quilt that every day we create a detailed patch for this Giant, giant quilt and everyone's quilt, the patches, uh, and the, uh, size of the quilt is different, but usually the back of the quilt is messy. And that at some point in our journey, toward the end of our journey, perhaps the next realms, we get to see the beauty. We turn the quilt over and we get to see the beauty of the life that we've created or what we made of this life. But this side of the quilt, in this world is messy, but the other side is magnificent.

Speaker B: Um, very nice. That's true of so much. Right there's the messy work goes into it and the nice outcome. So let's think about both those sides of the quilt as you call or text 713-484-9797 and tell Mr. Brian that you heard about him on the Marketer of the Day podcast. Tell him Robert Plank sent you. That way he can track that and say, I was so happy that I did, uh, a podcast. I can't wait to do 20 more. And so it's Brian Blakeney from Blakeney counseling. Uh, that's brianblakeneytherapy.com 713-484-9797. Thanks for stopping by, showing up, Mr. Brian, and just opening, expanding our minds to what's possible and where we might be stuck. I'm very grateful that you were here.

Speaker A: It's a pleasure to be with you and thank, uh, you for the, uh, work that you do in elevating consciousness and awareness, uh, in your niche as well. So thank you. It's really great to be with you.

Speaker C: Hey there. It's Wayfair here, where delivery and setup are as easy as a few taps on your phone. You're relaxing in an old hammock, scrolling Wayfair's app when you spot it. A brand new patio set. Next thing you know, Wayfair delivers it right to your patio and sets it up. Oh, you need a new grill, too. All right, Wayfair's got you covered. With Wayfair's room of choice delivery and fast expert setup on qualifying orders, life gets a little easier. Visit Wayfair.com or the Wayfair app. Wayfair every style, every home.