Nobody Is Watching You Anymore, and That's on You Now

Speaker A: This episode is also available on, um, my fulfilled leadership YouTube channel. The link is in the show notes. Most of us were taught that if we just work hard enough, somebody's going to notice. Tricia Stetzel led 86 women through boot camp in the Navy, spent a decade in corporate life, and then built her own business. And at every stage, she had to unlearn the belief that good work speaks for itself. This conversation is about what it actually takes to be seen and why that matters for how we lead, how we build community, and even how we communicate at home. We're going to discuss why hard work alone rarely earns the recognition that you expect. How to reframe visibility as sharing impact, not self promotion. What a path through the military, corporate life and entrepreneurship, uh, has taught her about being seen and how these same principles apply to communication at home, not just at work. Tricia, welcome to the Life Fulfilled podcast.

Speaker B: Bernie, thank you so much for the opportunity to have this conversation with you today.

Speaker A: Uh, I am thrilled to have this conversation with you. Let's get right to it. I mentioned a little bit about your background. Uh, you've been a leader in the Navy, you've been a leader in corporate. Now you got your own business going, you're authoring, uh, a book. Give us a little bit of the backstory from boot camp, as, as I like to say it, to corporate life to today.

Speaker B: Okay, I'm going to give you the 50,000 foot flyover, Bernie. Um, a couple of semesters in college right out of high school and decided to, uh, the military was the way that I needed to go so that I could continue to pay for school down the road. So I joined the military. I was a cryptologic technician, maintenance. If I told you what that was or what the job I did, I might have to. I'm kidding. Uh, I love probably over my head. The work that I did in the military was, uh, set me up for success as I came out of the military after eight years, joined the forces, as you said, uh, in the intro, uh, corporate big blue, worked there for a decade, left that position, um, with my first business and I still own that business today. Bernie, something you may not know. And along the way found my, uh, love for, for business leadership coaching. And that is what I do today.

Speaker A: Okay, thank you for the, the flyover. I noticed a little bit of the military metaphor there. Well done, Trisha. I like that. I like that. And I just wanted you to know I, I noticed that. Um, okay, so we decided that what we would discuss on this podcast is this whole notion of hard work alone doesn't necessarily get you recognition. So given the backstory, the flyover you just gave us on your backstory, share with us, when did you come to that realization and what was the impact of that?

Speaker B: That's probably a really big answer, Bernie. But what I believe is there wasn't a moment in time that shifted the way I thought about visibility. It was seeing the same thing, uh, over over and over and over again and learning that what I was doing wasn't working anymore. Where I used to be recognized without asking or telling or showing. And as time passed and I took on higher leadership roles or had my own business, people weren't reaching out to me, recognizing the work that I was doing, ever. So I had to find a way to strategically be visible to those people that it mattered to.

Speaker A: Now, did you experience that, Meaning that you realized that you weren't being recognized as much as you used to be? Did you experience that both in the Navy and in corporate roles?

Speaker B: I did, actually. So early on in the military and in corporate, I was recognized, Bernie. It was a very interesting thing. So, um, in high school, at graduation, I was awarded a, uh, leadership scholarship to a local college. And I had no idea where that came from. Well, someone recognized me as a leader and put my name into the basket. I'm assuming it was a teacher that I had for class. And so. Great. That's, that's wonderful. And I got to go to a, ah, couple of semesters of school that was paid for. Was wonderful. I joined the military. I didn't ask for a leadership position. Gosh knows you would never do that in the military. That would be. That would be a terrible sin. Please do not do that. Um, and I was again asked to be a leader of, uh, the Bootcamp company. And then moving into corporate, again asked to be a leader and moved into a management role. And the company that I was with, Big Blue, IBM, was very good at promoting women at the time that, that I was in corporate. So I got all of these opportunities, Bernie, without ever asking. And then things changed.

Speaker A: Okay, so I want to get to when things change. What action did you take? But I want to ask you, do you know why they changed? Uh, do you know the reason that they changed?

Speaker B: I suspect looking back, reflecting and even coaching others through the things that I've been through, the challenge of making sure that you're visible to the people that need to see you is, it's the role. So early on, you're more in a under the wing role where People are looking out for you. You have mentors, you have sponsors, you have people that are watching you move up and they want to support you as you move into a higher role in leadership, as you move into entrepreneurship and you own your own business and then another business and then another business. You don't necessarily have those people. People. You're not under the wing anymore. You're flying solo in a lot of cases. And so people aren't looking at the hard work that you're doing or the harder work that you continue to do, hoping that someone sees you, because they don't have time for that. They have other people that they're supporting. It's not you anymore.

Speaker A: So, yes, and agree with, I agree with everything you just said. I'm going to end it. And the end is, I think we are in an environment today where a lot of people are dealing with uncertainty and they're in this sort of, um, me, me, me mode, survival mode. And it's more about just making sure that they survive, uh, economically in the current job, that sort of thing. Since we're talking about the workplace, uh, so I think that can have an impact as well. Uh, before we go on, any thoughts on that? AI is reshaping every workplace. But most transformations fail because they ignore the human side of change. At Fulfilled at Work Academy, we call that missing piece the human dividend. Our 4Move framework helps leaders reduce fear, create clarity, preserve meaning, and build adaptability. So people don't just survive AI change, they thrive in it and you get the outcomes that you need. The Human Dividend is available as training and consulting. And we've put the full framework into a white paper that you can download right right now. The link is in the show notes. We'd love to connect.

Speaker B: Um, yes, yes. And I do believe that a lot of people are in, particularly those that are entrepreneurs, oftentimes in survival mode, I just have to get through this next thing. And the only way that people are going to see that I'm visible is if I go out there and say, me, me, me, me, me, when in reality that's not what people are looking for. And I do want to add, and I think this will be important as we move through our conversation like the evolution of where we are. The, you know, gosh, I used to be chosen and I know that I'm capable. And then it became overlooked and then I became aware of it and then I'm intentional about it and being visible. And I think that that's where a lot of people are stuck with the me, me, me, me, me is in that awareness space. And when they try to be intentional about the visibility, it becomes all about them when it should be about the people who are watching.

Speaker A: Okay, Trisha, let's go there. Okay, let's go there. Let's unpack that, because I know that's really the core of this conversation. Just go ahead and begin to unpack that, because I welcome this conversation.

Speaker B: Yeah, thanks, Bernie. I really appreciate that. And something that, you know, and I'm sure people who are watching and listening today can tell that I'm really, really passionate, um, about this topic and where it comes from is if I work hard, deliver results, uh, take care of people and do what I'm supposed to do, the right people will notice. And that's just not the case because other people are so busy, Bernie. Everyone is busy. And I want people, when they hear visibility, to shift the way they think about it. It needs to be intentional, and it needs. And it needs to be strategic. Instead of thinking about visibility being about me, me, me, me, me. What if, uh, it's about the results and the impact that you have in your community, so then you don't have to feel icky about being visible, because guess what? It really isn't about you. It's the results that you produce and the impact that you have on. I'm going to call it the community, Bernie. And that could be internal, external, uh, home, work, it doesn't matter where. It's the community that you're making that impact on. And you have to find a way to verbalize. I'm going to use that word loosely because it doesn't have to be verbal. It could be written, but a way to show the results and the impact.

Speaker A: Okay, I want to. Yes, and you again. I want to. I want to add something. But first I'm going to ask you in real time in the middle of this recording, uh, the book that you're writing. Share the title, please.

Speaker B: Yes, it's Visibility Does Not Equal Vanity.

Speaker A: Okay. And you're still writing it.

Speaker B: It's actually in its second round of edits with the publisher. So will I have to make some adjustments? Maybe, but I'm done writing.

Speaker A: Okay. If what I'm about to say is not in the book, you're welcome to add it to the book before it hits the final publishing. Chances are, I have a hunch it's already in the book. I think another aspect of visibility that people should consider is that when we have something to share that's of value, then we should actually Consider it a responsibility to share it for that community because it's of value to some people, and it would be selfish to not share it to add value and benefit the people in the community that can actually benefit from it. Thoughts?

Speaker B: Oh, Bernie, absolutely. Listen, there's a personal cost. Maybe you miss an opportunity, and that doesn't have to be at work alone, that, uh, could be at home. There's an organizational cost or a community cost because people don't know your expertise or what you can bring to the table. There's a community cost because, and here's what you said, someone who needs what you know never gets access to it, and that is huge. I love to talk about the people who are behind you, beside you, and in front of you that need to know and understand what the possibilities are. It's not about you. It's about the impact to them based on the results and the possibilities that you've been able to create.

Speaker A: Yeah, I love some of these words you're using. Impact and results and possibilities. Speak to, uh, some of the tactics. Uh, I know we're not here to dive deep into the tactics, but someone listening who might be resonating with this, because I know a lot of people, I've talked to a lot of people I'm sure you have as well, that are uncomfortable with that whole visibility thing because. Exactly. As your book title says, they perceive visibility as being vanity, as opposed to, as your book title says, visibility does not equal vanity. So how can people do that? What, uh, are some of the tactics that people can do to actually create some visibility for themselves?

Speaker B: Yeah, I'm, um, just gonna take it really simple, Bernie. Three questions. What did I contribute? What changed because of the contribution? And who could benefit from knowing what I learned? It's very simple. It's not about you. It's about the value and the results and the impact that you have on the people around you. So, again, what did I contribute? What changed because of that contribution? And who could benefit from knowing what I learned?

Speaker A: Okay, so if I'm listening and this is resonating with me, how would I do that? Do I go on Instagram? Do I go on Facebook? Do I send out an email blast? Like, how do I do that?

Speaker B: Yeah, so, uh, you can absolutely do that. And there are probably a lot of people listening, Bernie, that don't necessarily love sharing things on social media, so they don't have to. However, if you don't share somewhere, whether that be social media or with your internal team, your external team, through email, verbalizing it this could happen at home to Bernie, by the way. You have to find, find a way to build this little strategic piece around those three questions. So even if we don't go to social media, let's just say I want my clients to know the work that I've been doing. Could I write an article or a newsletter to all of my prospects and, uh, my clients that say, this is the work that I've done because of that contribution, it has changed the way fill in the blank. Someone's business or life has changed. And you could tell a little story about that. People love to connect with stories. And then the last piece of it is, who could benefit from that? Well, the people that you're talking to. Right, the people that you're sending this to too. So now they know the impact, the value that you bring to the table and the impact that you've created by working with this one particular person and you tell a story about it. It doesn't have to be about you. You don't have to go out into the world and say, everybody, look at me, because now I'm on the COVID of a magazine. No one really cares that you're on the COVID of the magazine. What if instead you talked about how you came to be on the COVID of that magazine and told that story and the impact that being on the COVID of that magazine will have on those who are behind you, beside you and, uh, in front of you.

Speaker A: So the message here is that it's all about impact. It's about the meaning to other people, to the people in your community, not the meaning to yourself. Because to your point, Tricia, that's what people don't care about people. Nobody is interested in watching someone boast about themselves. But, uh, and I think what's coming to my mind is some examples. And I'm not going to name names, but examples, uh, that are good and not good meaning. Good examples are people who are sharing something that's meaningful to me. And my perception, my reaction to it isn't, oh, they're promoting themselves. It's the opposite. It's like, oh, that's meaningful to me in some specific way. So the reaction is overall a positive one. And now I have a connection to that individual that aligns with that perception that was meaningful to me on whatever topic it was about whether it was work related, health related, you know, family, whatever. Right? It's that positive connection. And, uh, it takes me to the whole neuroscience thing, right? I mean, creating those synapses in your brain that are positive reactions to People sharing things that can have an impact on me. That's how I'm sort of processing the advice that you're sharing, Tricia.

Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely. And I want to go back to something really important. When I hide my expertise, my stories, because I'm uncomfortable being visible, that I'm actually making the decision for someone else that they don't need to know.

Speaker A: Okay. Yeah, that. That's powerful. That's powerful. And so the other way to say that is that there are people who need to know this. And it's incumbent upon me to be responsible to share the this, because I know that there are people that need to know this.

Speaker B: Absolutely. And you talked about responsibility earlier, and I absolutely agree with you. It is our responsibility to show others the possibilities. And I think that's so important. And if you're not comfortable doing that, just practice a little bit. Put something out there that is about something someone else. Tell a lovely story about a, uh, successful client or customer that you have delivered a product or service to. Tell a lovely story about an employee on your team that creates visibility into the work that you're doing or the time and effort that you're pouring into that person without saying, look at me because I'm amazing. That's icky. No one wants to be that. Well, I shouldn't say that. Maybe some people want to be that visible, but most of us don't. We don't want to stand out in front of the crowd and listen, Bernie, this comes. This is very deep seated for me. Being in the military, you don't jump out in front of the line and say, please pick me. I want to go first. I want to be the leader. No, you would never do that in the military. We're all there to look the same, to act the same, to be, be one mission, one team together in corporate. Oh, my goodness. Growing up in my generation, Bernie, if I stepped forward as a woman in corporate and said, please make me or, uh, give me the next promotion, the other women in the office would side eye me and never talk to me again. And so it took a very long time for me to be comfortable. And when I finally decided that it's not about me, it's about the impact to others that mattered, is when I became more visible so people could see the possibilities.

Speaker A: Uh, I love the way you think about it. So what you said that really resonates, Trisha, because I know a lot of people, and I'm sure you do, and the work that you do meet a lot of people who are very uncomfortable Making themselves visible. The whole notion of maybe telling a story about someone else, sharing someone else's impact, and if you get feedback on that, like, if I tell a story about you and someone says, oh, that story you told about Trisha was really great, and they give me specifics on why that, again, is feeding my brain. I'm, um, back to the neuroscience thing. Right? Uh, that's feeding my brain that, hey, that story I told resonated. It was. It had impact. It was meaningful to someone. So maybe next time I tell a story about something that I can do or that I do do, that can have impact on other people, and maybe that's a way to sort of get in shape for this. That's a metaphor. Like get in shape for, you know, being visible when someone is not in shape for being visible.

Speaker B: Ah, yes, absolutely. And. And listen, Bernie, the. The goal, the idea, the mindset is not about maximum visibility. It's not about telling everybody everything that you're doing. It really is giving the appropriate visibility in service of that meaningful impact that you talked about. So it's the story. It's not the stories, uh, of your entire day. So think about each. Maybe it's each week, you think about where and what. Who did you impact the most this week? And write it. Write a little story about it, write a little post about it. Because you were a part of that. You don't have to say, look, what I did. This person is successful because of me. No, you were in their space. And here is all of that packaged up to show the impact that they've created for their space, for their communities, and you just happen to be a part of it. That is visibility.

Speaker A: Yeah. You know, the irony in this whole conversation, Tricia, um, is that as a podcaster, and you're a podcaster, too. We'll talk about that here before we sign off. As a podcaster, I struggle being visible, sharing my podcast content through places like Instagram and LinkedIn, where I do share it, and I do struggle with the whole thing of, you know, promoting myself for the visibility. But this conversation has been a great reminder that when I'm producing content like this interview and this conversation that we're having, it's helpful to other people. So sharing it isn't self promotional. It's helping someone who can really benefit from it.

Speaker B: That is absolutely true. And that can be on a. So you and I both, um, for the most part, have guests on our podcast, so it could absolutely and easily be about the other person on the other side of the microphone if you're doing a solo cast. You can do this sitting. Same thing. It's about the message. It's about the impact. It's about what you're bringing to the table. And if you never did that and you never promoted it, then you're making a decision for someone else that they didn't need to know what you could give them.

Speaker A: You're making a decision for someone else that they didn't need to know what you can give them. That's profound. I bet that's in the book.

Speaker B: Maybe. Bernie.

Speaker A: Wow. Okay. Tell us about your podcast, because I've recorded, uh, a session with you, and I'm looking forward to seeing that air. Tell us about your podcast.

Speaker B: Okay. Thank you for the opportunity. I host Houston Business Radio, which is an affiliate to Business Radio X. If many of you have heard that, it's across the United States. And I host the host the Houston show. I've been podcasting for 10 years, Bernie. I need to go back and see how many episodes I've done. You said, you told me earlier that you posted your 300th episode. Congratulations. That's amazing. Uh, I love bringing thought leaders onto my show, Bernie. And like you, it's not just about business. It's about the human. The totality of who we are as human beings. And I bring on people who are thought leaders in family and relationships, health and fitness, um, financial stability and even business. Imagine that. Houston Business Radio. But love to have folks, uh, on the show. We're posting twice a week, so you can take your. You can find it on any of the usual suspect podcast channels. We also have a YouTube channel. It's Ricia Stetzel. So just go take a look and you can see all of our past

Speaker A: episodes and your book. Visibility does not equal vanity. When do you expect that to publish? I'm putting it on the spot.

Speaker B: We are having a book launch party on October 22, 2026. I am so excited about this particular book. I have two number one bestsellers under my belt as a collaborator. This is my first solo book, and I am very excited about getting it out there in front of people. And just a side note, it is not a business book. It is a mindset shift about the way we think about ourselves and what we're putting out there in front of people. And back to. It really is about the people behind us, beside us and in front of us. And, um, really excited to get that out there.

Speaker A: Well, my prediction is that it is also going to be a number one bestseller, because I think you are Striking a nerve. And I mean that in a good way. Meaning I think a lot of people really resonate and struggle with this whole visibility thing. So I think you're onto something. So congratulations in advance. And the great news is that this podcast episode will publish before that, so we'll be able to get the word out on your upcoming, uh, book launch. That's fantastic. Before we sign off here, Tricia, where can people go online to just connect with you and stay plugged in to hear more about the book launch and everything you've got going on?

Speaker B: I appreciate that, Bernie. You can best, uh, find all of the things that you're looking for on my LinkedIn page. I'm very active there. It's Tricia C Stetzel. T R I S H A dash S T E T Z E L My, um, website is trishastetzel.com so if you can spell my name, you can find me somewhere. And stay tuned. I'm really excited about the book launch and more to come, and I hope that everyone will tune into your podcast, which I think is phenomenal. I love all of the content that you've been putting out there. And thank you so much for having me today, Bern.

Speaker A: Well, you are quite welcome, Tricia. Thank you so much for joining me. And don't worry about people spelling your name because that's going to be all linked up in the show notes for this episode, so it's really easy for them to find. But, Trisha, I just want to thank you. I've enjoyed this conversation. I knew that I would. I knew that it would actually speak to me because of some of the things that I struggle with. And I've been doing this a long time and it's still something that even to this day, as long as I've been active with podcasting and, and active on social media, it's still something that I still struggle with. So, uh, again, I think you've touched the nerve in a good way. So just thank you so much for joining me on this episode of the Life Fulfilled podcast. That's a wrap on this episode of the Life Fulfilled podcast. If this resonated with you, subscribe to our weekly Fulfilled newsletter for practices that you can put to work right away in how you lead yourself, how you lead others, and how you lead through the AI transformation that's reshaping the workplace. It's all connected. And fulfillment is the through line Visit fulfilled@workacademy.com to learn more. And remember, fulfillment isn't just a feeling. It's your edge at work and in life.