What Great Listeners Hear That Everyone Else Misses

Speaker A: Here's something most leaders don't want to hear. You're probably not as good a listener as you think you are. I know that sounds provocative. I'm not saying it to get your attention. I'm saying it because the research is consistent, the pattern is universal, and I've seen it play out in my own career and in the careers of nearly every leader I've worked with over 30 years. We all think we're really good, or at least above average on listening. Not many leaders, not many people actually are. Welcome to the Leadership Career Accelerator where we help aspiring leaders like you build executive presence, influence with impact, and get recognized and promoted. I am longtime CEO Barry Moline. My mission is to help you grow as a leader, elevate your career, and improve your life. If you enjoy learning leadership tools and hit subscribe in return, my promise is to keep bringing you ideas that make you a better leader. Today we're talking about how to be a great listener. Let me put it more bluntly. A lot of listeners are shitty listeners. People catch the first few facts in a conversation, connect the dots they think they see, and jump to a conclusion, usually the wrong one with a recommendation that's off base. Harsh, maybe, but I see it constantly. So when I come across a great listener, someone who asks follow up questions to actually understand an issue before deciding anything, I notice I'll often tell them directly that they're a great listener and that I appreciate it. Studies show that the average person retains only 25 to 50% of what they hear in a conversation. For leaders, it's usually worse because they're busier, more certain of their own views, and more used to being the one in the room with the answers. Here's the the higher you rise, the more you talk. The more you talk, the less you hear. And the less you hear, the more disconnected you get from what's actually happening in your organization, all while feeling completely confident that you got a clear read on it. The summer is a good time to work on this. You might have some distance from the daily grind right now with people taking vacations. Use this as an opportunity to take an honest look at your listening and start improving. Let's start with the gap itself, because most leaders don't see it even when it's right in front of them. A few years ago I was in a stretch of back to back meetings, running fast and feeling productive. One of my direct reports pulled me aside after a team meeting and said quietly and carefully, I don't think you heard what I said in There I started to push back. Then I realized I couldn't remember what she said. Nothing at all. I'd been physically present and mentally somewhere else entirely. That's the gap. It's not malice, it's not arrogance. It's just the accumulated weight of a busy mind in a busy role. The signals are usually there if you're willing to look at them. Do people repeat themselves to you? Do your direct reports hesitate before speaking up in meetings? Do you catch yourself finishing other people's sentences? Are, uh, conversations with you short? Not because people are efficient, but because they've learned there's a limited window before you redirect or move on? Those aren't personality quirks. That's important feedback. It's telling you something real about what people experience when they're talking to you. There's a more subtle signal too, and most leaders miss it completely. You walk out of a conversation feeling like it went well. The other person walks out feeling unheard. That gap between how you experienced it and how they experienced it is the listening problem in action. You experienced your intentions, they experienced your behavior. And without honest feedback, you have no way of knowing the two didn't match. Here's the part that makes this harder to fix. The higher you rise, the less honest feedback you get about your listening, or just about anything. People get careful with you. They won't tell you that you cut them off or that they felt dismissed. They get cautious around authority and adjust. Instead, they shorten what they say. They give you the edited version. They stop bringing you the harder things because they've learned it won't land well. And you're usually the last one to find out that any of this is happening. Now that we've named the gap, let's get specific. There are three ways this shows up most often. Three listening failures I see repeatedly. The first failure is interrupting. Not the rude, aggressive kind, but what I'm talking about is the well intentioned kind. You see where someone's going, you think you already know the answer, and you help them get there faster. The problem is you've just made the conversation about your understanding, not theirs. People stop elaborating when they feel preempted. Over time, they stop bringing you the full picture, and you start making decisions on incomplete information while feeling completely confident that you got everything you need. The second failure is multitasking. This one's especially dangerous because leaders have convinced themselves they're good at it. You're in a meeting, scanning email, checking a text, glancing at the news. You, you tell Yourself, you're catching every word. Trust me, you are not. And the person across from you knows it, even if they don't say so. Eye contact isn't presence. Being in the room isn't the same as being engaged. When you split your attention, the message you send. This meeting was important enough to schedule, just not important enough to actually show up for the third listening failure is filtering. That is hearing what confirms what you already believe and quietly discounting what doesn't. This one's the most insidious because it's the hardest to catch in yourself. When someone pushes back on a direction you've already decided on, do you actually consider what they're saying, or do you stand for the flaw in their argument? Filtering is how leaders stop learning without ever making a conscious decision to stop. It happens one slightly dismissed comment at a time, and it accelerates the higher you go. All three listening failures send the same message to your team. What they say doesn't fully matter here. So how do you know where you stand? How do you know if you're a good listener or a poor one? Let's run a quick self audit. Think about your last three significant meetings. Team meetings 1 on M ones cross functional discussions. Now ask yourself a few questions. Who did most of the talking? Did you ask follow up questions or did you move straight to your own point once someone finished? When someone said something unexpected or challenging, did you slow down and explore it? Or did you redirect back to where you wanted the conversation to go? Did people get a genuine pause from you after they finished a sentence? Or did your response come before they'd fully stop talking? Rate yourself 1 to 10. Most leaders who do this honestly drop a few points once they stop being generous with themselves. Here's one more question to ponder. When did someone last tell you something that genuinely surprised you? If it's been a while, that's not because your organization ran out of surprises. It's because the information isn't getting through to you. And that has consequences well beyond any one relationship. Once you've seen where you stand, the next question is what to do about it. Here's one action to take right Use the two second rule. After someone finishes speaking, wait two full seconds before you respond. That's it sounds almost too simple. It isn't. Two seconds forces your brain to process what was said instead of queuing up your response while the other person's still talking. It creates space for them to add something that they might have otherwise held back. It signals respect, not just politeness, but real Regard for what they said. And it changes the whole feel of the conversation from transaction to genuine exchange. I started practicing this during a stretch when I was getting feedback that people felt rushed talking to me. The pause was uncomfortable at first. Then I noticed something. People started adding things after they finished. Thoughts they'd been holding back, nuances they weren't sure about. Sometimes it was the real point they'd been building up to the whole time. All of it was sitting just past the place where I used to jump in. Practice this over the summer. Try it at dinner. Use it with friends. Try it when your family is telling you about something that happened in their lives. Ask follow up questions and notice how much changes when you use these techniques. When you delay your response and ask follow up questions, you become someone who actually listens. That person is rarer than you think. People will notice the difference. Here's what changes when you do this. You get less reactive, you get more curious. You build a little more space between stimulus and response. That's the mental state where listening actually happens. Once you've got the pause down and you're asking follow up questions, there's a second move that makes you even better. It's just six simple words. When someone finishes a thought, pause and say, what I heard you say is. Then tell them in your own words what you heard. That's where real understanding begins. If you heard it the way they meant it, they'll confirm it. If not, they'll clarify. Either way, you're now in a true conversation, one built on seeking understanding, not just exchanging words. Remember, it's just six simple words. What I heard you say is. And then let them know. Wrapping up. What's the one thing you should do right away? Start practicing the 2 second rule in every meaningful conversation you have. Not just with colleagues or on a video call, but but with your family, your friends, everyone you talk to. Notice what you hear when you stop, uh, rushing to respond. Notice what people add when you give them room. Notice how the quality of the conversation changes. Then ask a follow up question. When you become the leader who pauses before responding, who asks follow up questions before making a point, who makes people feel genuinely heard, that kind of leader is rare. I want you to be that kind of leader. If you're tired of managing drama, chasing accountability, and carrying the weight of a low energy team, it's time for a better way. I help leaders and organizations build stronger teams, healthier cultures, and real momentum. Together, we'll identify where your current structure is falling short and what it will take to move from a stagnant, conflict filled environment to a high performing, purpose driven organization. I speak and train frequently on leadership, teamwork and culture, influence and persuasion and AI and the future of work. Now is the time for action. Send me an email@barrymolinemailuh.com and let's explore how to move you forward. I'm Barry Moline. See you soon.