007 | Family |Your First Leadership Laboratory

Speaker A: Welcome to Leadership by Faith, where we believe that leadership starts within and faith is the foundation we stand on. I'm your host, Miya Allen, executive leadership coach, speaker, founder of Lead in Life, and fellow traveler on the journey to leadership excellence. Each week we'll explore explore how to live by faith, lead with excellence and love intentionally as we transform how we show up, uh, at home, at work and in our communities. Because when faith and service leads, leadership follows. Today we go into pillar two Lead, talking about family. Many people separate their leadership into categories. Professional leadership, personal leadership, family leadership. Leadership is holistic. Who you are eventually shows up everywhere you go, at home, at work, in your friendships, in moments of pressure, in everyday interactions. Today we're talking about what it means to lead the people closest to you. Well, leadership is not simply all about productivity and performance. It's about presence, stewardship, consistency, and influence. How are you showing up emotionally, spiritually and relationally? Are people experiencing faith from you or do they get frustration? Do they experience peace? Or do they feel pressure when they're around you? And what about grace? Do you give grace or are you always in judgment mode? How are you modeling the values of faith, fitness, finance, family and fun through your daily relational interactions? Leadership is always expanding and multiplying. For better or worse, we get to choose. Today we're learning how to create relationships and environments that, that reflect alignment, integrity, and above all, love. Uh, let's start the conversation. We're back. It's Leadership by Faith. I'm Miya Allen, your host, and we're talking about family today. Not just family inside your home, but every relationship connected to you and your circle, uh, of influence. We're talking about spouses, children, extended family, close friends, your co workers, your immediate team, and the teams you support. Because leadership expands with every interaction. Now, whether you realize it or not, people are always expelled experiencing our leadership. The question is, what are they experiencing from us? Family is where leadership is experienced most personally. Family, like I said earlier, is broader than what people think. Yes, it includes your immediate household, and it also includes your extended family, your close relationships, your co workers, your teams and communities connected to your life. Family is ultimately all about relationships. It's the first relationships you experience. And relationships reveal your leadership because people closest to you experience the unfiltered version of you. They don't get the polished version. They don't want the public version. They see the everyday version of you. With that being said, remember we're standing on the word. And what does the word say? I'm glad you asked. If you have your Bibles. Get them. I'm going to look for my scripture right here. Now, I'm going to be sharing out of, uh, First Timothy 3, 44 5. Again, we're going to be reading from First Timothy 3, 4 5. And this is the good news translation. And it reads as follows. He must be able to manage his own family well and make his children obey him with all respect. For if a man does not know how to m manage his own family, how can he take care of the church of God? All right, you heard it from the Word. Now, this scripture is not about control. I hope that's not all you heard. This scripture is about stewardship. Leadership begins with responsibility towards people, not trying to control them. It's not simply producing outcomes. Leaders are responsible for cultivating environments where people feel valued, respected, encouraged, and safe. If your leadership only, uh, works publicly, but it damages relationships privately, something is out of alignment. Leadership by faith must first be lived before it can truly be taught. You're probably saying, do you mean I have to wait until I fully live by faith before I can teach it? No, no, no. That's not what I'm saying. And that doesn't get you off the hook? Absolutely. You don't have to fully live by faith, but you most definitely must be on a journey to determined to move forward and never looking back. You must be on a journey improving, going from glory to glory. I want us all to remember something very important. Leadership is not confined to titles. You may lead a company or a team, you may lead a department, or you may lead a social group. But guess what? You may also lead no formal team at all. But you are still influencing people daily. At home, at work, at church, in your friendships, in conversations, in how you respond when you're under pressure. Your leadership creates atmospheres, and atmospheres either strengthen relationships or it slowly strangles them. That's why family leadership requires intentionality, not your leftovers. You know, sometimes we give our best energy to our work and bring exhaustion home. We give patience, our patience. You know what I mean? We're very patient with our clients, but impatient with family members. We're present professionally, but distracted relationally or intentionally avoiding relationships altogether. And if we're not careful, the people closest to us receive the smallest portion of our emotional availability. Leadership by faith is calling us to something higher, asking the question, how are people experiencing me consistently? What do they see most consistently from me? Am I modeling faith? Am I emotionally healthy? Am I managing stress well? Am I financially responsible and disciplined? Um, am I creating Moments of joy, peace and connection. Remember, your leadership is always teaching something. There's always someone looking, watching you. And whatever you're teaching, it can be for better or worse. We get to choose understanding that someone is always watching. Therefore you're always teaching. Let's talk about how we role model so that we strengthen our relationships. And we're going to talk about it from the 5f uh framework. And you know where we start, with faith. So people closest to you, they should experience your faith, not just hear about it. Faith shows up when you have grace under fire, under pressure, when you have humility during a conflict. Faith shows up when you pray rather than panic or complain about a thing. Faith is showing up as you being patient instead of reactive. So that's faith fitness. Your physical, mental and emotional health affects every relationship around you and everyone connected to you. Think about it. Your stress level, it will impact your tone, your exhaustion, your lack of rest. That's going to impact your patients. Your emotional health, that impacts your communication. Healthy leaders create healthy environments. Emotionally mature leaders create safety for themselves and others. You role model your commitment to fitness when you set goals for your sleep, how much rest you're going to get. Your hydration, your movement, your nutrition. And you monitor those things. Understanding when there's a gap so that you can close it quickly. Next is family. Family leadership is built through consistency and relationships grow where attention flows. You can role model and grow relationships through small moments, daily interactions and intentional conversations while being emotionally present. It's as simple as that in your family. Let's move on to finance and we'll be talking more about finance next week. Financial stewardship affects relationships more than many people realize. Financial stress can create tension, anxiety, fear and instability within your home as well as your team. The question is, are you chasing status when we talk about finance? I hope not. But you can role model financial stewardship by managing resources responsibly through learning and then applying that learning and then using the wisdom that you gain to be disciplined so that you sustain and scale your financial knowledge. Last, but certainly not least, this fun, fun, fun. Healthy leadership creates room for joy. Not every interaction should feel transactional or performance driven. I'm only having this relationship with you so I can get something from you. It shouldn't be that way. You can role model fun sometimes by just simply slowing down long enough to enjoy people for the simple reason that they're enjoyable. You've got to admit, laughter matters. When was the last time you had a gut busting laugh? You probably can't even remember Laughing. Connection matters. What connections do you have that bring you joy? And do you visit those connections regularly? Celebration matters. When was the last time you celebrated an achievement, an accomplishment, a milestone? When was it? Or do you simply make that achievement, hit that milestone, and then move on to the next thing? I hope not. I hope you're celebrating. So now you have a sense of for what role modeling looks like when you're trying to strengthen relationships. The question is, what are you role modeling. One thing I've learned over the years is that leadership influence is strongest through consistency, not intensity. Consistency. And sometimes the most important leadership lessons come from moments we're not proud of. I can remember years ago when my three young children at that time, they were the ages probably around 10, 8 and 6, and I stopped at a fast food restaurant to grab dinner for them. No, not the best choice. I know they didn't like cheese on their sandwiches, so I specifically asked for the order without cheese. Now, wait, I want to digress here for a moment. They don't like cheese on sandwiches, which is bizarre to me because they love my macaroni and cheese. Yes, I make a good macaroni and cheese and they love pizza. Go figure. So I don't understand it. But back to the podcast. So we picked up the food, drove away, and before leaving the area, we realized cheese had been added to two of the three sandwiches. I immediately turned that car around, and instead of simply handling the situation with grace and perspective, being emotionally intelligent, I went into leadership mode in a very wrong way. Yes, you heard me right. I went into leadership mode the wrong way. Way wrong. I parked the car and I took all three of my children inside because guess what? I wanted them to see how you get what you asked for and how you handle the people who didn't do it right. But you know, what they actually saw was something very different. They saw their mother operating from frustration instead of patience. They saw me being judgmental instead of understanding. From my perspective, I was just being in control. And that's exactly what they saw. They saw control instead of grace. Listen, my tone was sharp, very sharp. My military style leadership, it showed up in full force. How could this be wrong? This should have been done correctly. Who's responsible for this? At the time, I justified it as air quote, teaching standards, teaching accountability, teaching my children confidence. Years later, my now adult son, um, brought that moment back to my memory. And when he mentioned it, I realized something that I've been learning over the years that I know to be true. People may forget many of your speeches but they rarely forget how our leadership showed up and how it made them feel. That moment was not one of my best examples of leadership yet. I'm grateful for it now because my children know a very different version of me today. They know a softer version, a more emotionally aware version. They. They know a leader who is shaped by faith. They see my faith shaped by humility and continuing to grow. God had to teach me that leadership is not just about getting results and professionalism. It's about how you steward people while you're pursuing those results and being professional. That lesson changed the way I lead at home, the way I lead in public, and the way that I lead myself, wanting to always lead myself. Well, leadership expands through every one of our interactions. For the positive or for the negative, for the better or for the worse. And we get to choose each time how we will speak to people, how we will respond under pressure, how will we handle the inconveniences of life? How will we treat people who can't benefit us at all? And all of this teaches us something. Yes, family leadership definitely extends far beyond the walls of your house. As we said in the beginning, family includes your spouse, your children, your parents, your extended family. Yes, all your relatives. But it also includes your work family, your immediate team, the teams you support, the people who consistently experience your presence and influence. Every environment becomes a relational leadership opportunity. People are always asking silently about their leaders. Can I trust your leadership? Do you bring peace or pressure? Do you model faith consistently or only when it looks good? Do you value people beyond performance and results? That's why leadership by faith must be visible in every area. And so our 5F, uh, 4 framework helps us to touch every area of our life, our faith. How do you trust God under pressure? Our, uh, fitness. How do you steward your emotional, mental, and physical health? Family. How do you cultivate your relationships and connections? Finance. How you role model stewardship and discipline of your resources. Fun. How do you create joy, balance, and healthy connection? Remember, leadership is never compartmentalized. It's consistent. The same spirit you bring home every day after work is often the same spirit you bring into every room you enter. Growth begins the moment we become honest enough to acknowledge that we all still need God to transform us. I know I do. It's growth time. As I wrap up, uh, let's reflect honestly. And I also have a challenge for you. As you reflect, I want you to reflect on how do people experience your leadership? Consistently. Not just publicly, but consistently. You're the same in public and in private. What atmosphere follows you into rooms. Do you experience peace when people are around you? I mean, do they experience peace or do they feel pressure? Is there connection when someone's interacting with you or are you always distracted? And what about grace? Do you give grace or are you always frustrated? Are you modeling the values you want others to embrace? That's the honest question to ask yourself. So here's the challenge for this week. I want you to choose one relationship and lead it intentionally. Just one relationship. It could be at home or at work and lead it intentionally. What do I mean by that? I want you to be fully present in conversations and interactions. No multitasking, no rushing, no phone, no distractions, just intentional connection. I want you listening fully. I want you to ask meaningful questions. And finally, I want you to encourage intentionally and create space so that whomever this relationship is being had with you, allow that someone to feel seen, heard and valued. Now, you know, I got a journal and prompt for you as well, because I'm a journal girl. Before I give you this journal prompt, what I'd like to say is remember, your leadership is always multiplying and expanding through your relationships. So here's the journal prompt. What kind of environment does my leadership create for for the people closest to me? I'm going to say it again. The journal prompt is what kind of environment does my leadership create for the people closest to me? Let's close with prayer. Father, we thank you for divine connections and relationships that align with your plan and your purpose for for our lives and those connected to us. Teach us, Lord, to lead relationships well. May we be leaders who reflect your love consistently at home, at work, and in every environment we enter. Give us wisdom in our words, patience in our responses, and humility in our leadership. Help us model faith authentically. Care for our health responsibly, love people intentionally, steward resources wisely and create joy everywhere we go. Let the people connected to our lives experience the fruit of the spirit, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self control as we create environments of safety, encouragement and grace. May our leadership reflect you well, Father, and give you all the glory in Jesus name. Amen. Amen. Amen. Be blessed. Today we strengthened Pillar two Lead and we explored how family leadership extends far beyond the walls of our homes. Because family is ultimately about relationships and every relationship becomes an opportunity to either strengthen trust or weaken connection. Leadership by faith is not compartmentalized. It is consistent. It's consistent at home, at work, in conversations, in conflict, and in our everyday interactions. If this episode encouraged you, share it with another reader who is committed to building healthy relationships and leading with integrity everywhere they show up. Uh, now don't forget, leave a review, follow and subscribe to the Leadership by Faith podcast. We are building leaders whose lives reflect alignment both publicly and privately. In the next episode, we continue inside the Lead Pillar. This time we're talking about finance. No, not money for status or appearance. Uh, keeping in mind that how we manage resources reflect how we manage responsibility. We'll talk about discipline, stewardship, generosity, and building financial habits that align with faith and leadership integrity. I'll see you there. Until next time, be blessed and keep leading by faith while we journey to leadership excellence together.