092_Navigating Intimacy Challenges: Dr. Nancy Moonstar’s Transformational Approach for Couples

Speaker A: Attention healthcare leaders. Are you tired of dealing with recurring problems, rising costs and inconsistent results across your departments? If so, it might be time to introduce Lean Six Sigma into your organization. The proven framework trusted by top performing healthcare organizations to improve patient outcomes, boost staff engagement and eliminate waste. Here at the Quality Coaching company, we've developed a Lean Six Sigma for healthcare program that's designed specifically for organizations that need results, not the red tape. Our blended learning approach combines online modules with hands on project coaching so your teams can learn, apply and achieve measurable improvements, all while maintaining their daily responsibilities. Whether you're ready to launch a system wide improvement initiative or start small with a single pilot project, we'll guide your team step by step through the proven frameworks and helping you drive better outcomes faster. So if you're ready to streamline workflows, improve patient safety and build a culture of healthcare excellence, click the link in the description or visit www.theqcc.com to learn more. And uh, schedule a quick strategy call today. Because better healthcare starts with better processes and better processes start here. Hey, welcome back to the Excellence in Healthcare podcast. Today's episode is part of our Health Biz Spotlight series where we feature bold healthcare and wellness entrepreneurs and walk through real time strategies to help them grow. I'm your host, Jarvis Gray, healthcare business strategist and founder of the health Biz accelerator community. And joining me today is Dr. Nancy Moonstar. Nancy is an author and psychologist in her business, A Man's guide to intimacy. Dr. Moonstar, welcome to the show.

Speaker B: Thank you. I'm delighted to be here and I admire you and your work and your professionalism, so it's really an honor.

Speaker A: No, well, thank you so much, uh, Nancy, just for giving the time and being open to this conversation. And actually I want to start by acknowledging you and just something that was on my mind before we even kind of jump in, which is from me doing my research, research on you and everything you're doing. Uh, I can tell right out the gate that your work is so deeply, uh, personal and intimacy or intimate? Not intimacy, but just really intimate. Um, it looks like you're, you're working with a lot of folks in terms of helping them get in touch with their identity and connection and their masculinity and healing. And I just want to say on the front end, that is not easy to do. It's not easy to talk about and I can't imagine it's probably not easy to sell. So I just wanted to acknowledge you for that as well. So, yeah, I think my goal in our conversation today is really, um, I would say not even to talk strategy or to push strategy, but really to slow things down and help clarify what's already here. So I hope that's a good maybe tone to set for our conversation today.

Speaker B: That's perfect because that's the gist of, uh, what I help men do is slow down. And that's, that's something that most men struggle with or they think they're supposed to be faster at or better at. And so when it comes to intimacy and physical intimacy, you know, that's the biggest step is slow moving, slow.

Speaker A: Well, sounds like we're, we're probably going to teach each other a lot today. So, um, Nancy, before we jump in, I love if you could start by telling us what originally drew you into this work.

Speaker B: There, there are many. There are about five different threads that brought me in. Probably the most immediate was online dating for myself. Um, and I realized men needed a lot of help with, you know, how to reach a woman and connect with her first here, you know, for who she is and move from there. Um, but actually before that, about 20 years ago, I just started getting a lot of questions from men about their sexuality and wanting to feel healthy and masculine and a guy feels better about himself overall when he understands himself sexually, when his masculine, uh, physical, intimate side is doing well, or at least accepted and handled and managed. And so then I started turning my training my CES because, um, when you're licensed as a psychologist like I am, any license requires ongoing training and that's called continuing education or ces. And I started gearing them towards men's sex, sexuality, health and just kind of learning and educating myself. And I remember one of, one of the sessions I attended was a Professor probably from G.W. george Washington University, because this was in the D.C. area. And he was trying to, he worked with couples with men and women, uh, about sex and helping them have healthier, better sex lives. And he emphasized the steps, the sort of staging of moving into sex. And when he explained you've got to have touch, non sexual and nothing sexual at first and build that to a peak of a 9 or a 10 for a woman before you do physical entry or sexual touch or before you get to, you know, the ultimate or gas, whatever, and I thought a little bell went off like bing. Okay, yeah, it's really in stages. That makes so much sense that he put. So then I, uh, remember one of my students actually, because I taught in different places, kind of helped me take and add my stages together with those Ideas. And I came up with five stages of intimacy, conversation, penetration. So those are two threads. Another is that I've had many boundary invasions and issues that I've neutralized and resolved. So I have a huge bandwidth when guys can talk to me about not just what went right, but what didn't go right, or about being on the other side, the not good side. And when the, um, time is up and the MeToo movements came, which were testimonies to mainly women being, uh, open about their experience of boundary invasions, I decided I needed to take some action or do something. I didn't want to just marinate in what's the problem? Or just do testimonials. And I went, uh, I'm going to help. Because one gender doesn't rise without the other. Both rise together, and it's bringing it together. So then I got my more clear that. And it kind of dovetailed with, I've got these stages, and, yeah, I'm going to help men. They're not the bad guys. Most men want to do what's right. And we have these dramatics in the news, and, uh, those are all problems with intimacy. All problems. And, you know, how easily do we talk about sex? How easily can it be talked about? And then, uh, another piece of the thread leading me in is that for 12 and a half years, I worked in the prison system with men, all except the last year. And so I really got to hear from a heartfelt place of what their intimate thoughts and what they go through and the aberrations and the issues, and it all came down to intimacy. Um, so I feel like I have all this richness, and I don't feel like this field, this idea of a man's guide to intimacy, which is my URL, was something I went out and picked. It picked me. And it wouldn't leave me alone. And it just kept coming back again and again. And when I would hear women talk and hear men talk and I observe and, um, you know, women have all the girlfriends to talk about sex and all their intimate problems. Guys don't. Guys will talk about, you know, they'll definitely watch a football game of basketball. You know, they'll go to them, they'll attend them. And when you ask a guy, what did you, you know, would you talk about? Well, we talked about the. We didn't talk. We had a beer together, you know, that type of thing. And so, um, if. If women also knew the power that they have over a man, they wouldn't be dismissive of when he shows sexual interest. Or he shows an enamored feelingness towards her, she could be complimented. And I'm not talking about the aberrations or the negativity or the abusive parts. I'm talking about generally. And men are much more tuned in, tapped into sex. So if you ask a guy what he likes in sex, his mind will start, you know, thinking and maybe finding some way to. And if you ask a woman the same question, she'll be, like, overwhelmed. Like, that's way too big a question for her, and she needs it anyway. So those are some. Thank you for asking.

Speaker A: Yeah, no, well, uh, you know, that that's one of the journeys I always like calling out in these conversations because the biggest thing on top of the clear fact, Dr. Moonstar, that you are an expert, or, I mean, it sounds like you've put in the time, you've had all the right conversations to get you this far in your path, but just understanding that it. It called you, um, that's one of the biggest, um, things that resonates in many of the conversations that I have on the podcast with other experts. So I, I appreciate just hearing exactly how your mind's connecting the dot to, to follow this calling. And it sounds like, um, you're called to serve men very explicitly in a lot of what you shared. I'm curious, when your work, When. When your work is working, so to speak, what actually changes for your clients? What does part of the transformation start to look like?

Speaker B: Um, they communicate better with their partner and they accept their own intimacy, relationship with themselves. So an example might be when there's a stoppage in sex and intercourse and when he can't get hard or stay hard. It's really about breathing and going into his body and going into himself. It's really about, can I accept myself, my prowess, without disliking who I am, without dismissing myself? Because if I come into this realm with confidence and see, confidence isn't something that just drops in. It's gathered as you proceed step by step, and you keep moving forward. And it's not about perfection. You don't do perfectly. But the changes would show up in. There's an exchange. Now there's an opening and an awareness that a guy can be very instrumental in bringing about a change in a relationship. And I will often hear from guys when, when I redo a conversation with them, because sometimes I'll role model. They'll say, I'll ask them, what, did you notice the way I said it? They'll say, oh, you were calm. You were calmer. So It's a combination of, um, of those types of things, conversations and then skills, actually using skills.

Speaker A: Hey, healthcare leaders, I hope that you're enjoying the show. Just popping in quickly to let you know that I'm on LinkedIn. So if we're not connected yet, then feel free to hit me up using the link in the show notes or by doing a quick search on LinkedIn for Jarvis T T Gray. After we connect, shoot me a dm, um, and let me know what you think about the show. All right, let's jump back into this episode. Fantastic. And I guess just for the simplicity sake of a podcast, uh, I'll say, I think kind of what I'm hearing is that, um, your work helps men stay connected or get better connected potentially with themselves, their partners. And I would imagine even their values start to have to come out in order to express and communicate themselves appropriately. And again, that, that's not small. And I'm saying this probably as somebody who might be like booking a follow up conversation with you, Dr. Moonstar, but I would love to just ask, um, what, what would you say that your clients tell you that they appreciate most about working with you? What's, what's some of the feedback you hear?

Speaker B: Um, they're surprised, I guess, that I get them and that they are able to be comfortable talking about their experiences that were not positive. Um, able to support them neutrally without adding problems. Um, they'll also have. What else? I guess I feel like I'm an encourager. So they feel encouraged and they feel lighter because with clarity you can function better in the sexual realm. It's a real simple, clear and clarity. And um, they will be surprised by how women will react to them differently and also be maybe more compassionate. So does that answer it?

Speaker A: Absolutely. Um, I'm curious, maybe go a little bit deeper on that. But do you have any. Just high level examples of, you know, a client who experienced a meaningful shift? Just what, what would that look like? And I'm saying that, you know, if there are men in our audience that may listen to this conversation just to kind of get them going down the path to seek out you or someone like you if they, they couldn't access you immediately. But what, what would that start to look like?

Speaker B: I think they would look. They look at sex differently and they start understanding. For a woman, um, conversation is underrated often and it's very important to a woman. Um, they'll also take efforts to take emotional risks to say things, even if it's a meetup or a new relationship. Um, to bring up topics about. And I try to get, I give them words sometimes on questions to raise. Cause women love questions. And, and I explained, you can't just come in and say, uh, what do you like about sex? Or get her to talk about sex. So you use words like romance. Who's romantic to you? What guy do you think is a real hump? What main character in the world would you pick? If you could be with them, have lunch, be around him, what is it that is romantic to you? What did a guy do last that you thought was really chivalrous and helped bring you into a female realm? And one of the things I'll get is they will tell me that women say, this is an unusual conversation. I'm not used to this. And so if you're using these cutting edge ideas, which they seem very simple, which I think they are, but if you use them, um, a woman is like so invited in, right? Rather than being fearful or staying on the edge because she has to be brought in, she's got her mind out there. And like my second stage is rituals. And a simple ritual is when you greet each other. You can hug, kiss, you have a meal together, a drink together. Could be, I, um, mean, it could be water, could be tea. It doesn't have to be. It could be a glass of wine at night, a coffee together in the morning, a hug, a greeting. Um, maybe you meditate together, maybe you swim together once a week, maybe you have something you do that's. And those rituals bring you together. Now those are called neutral or innocent rituals. And the sensual rituals are things where you breathe together. And this is one of the first things I try to teach a guy is that, uh, when a woman comes back from work, comes into the space with you, her mind has been on what she's been doing, what she has to do, her checklist, her to do list, her kids, her mother, her, you know, the house has to be the dishes. So if you can bring her into the moment with breathing and hold her hands, or at least sit and say, let's just breathe together. Let's just have. And she loves choice. Women are good with choices. Do you want water or do you want tea? And you help her. Would you like to sit here? Would you like to sit in the dining room together? You know, do you need five minutes to, you know, get your coat off? So your. A ritual of breathing would look like you both gaze in each other's eyes. And then I like to set a timer. But if you're just starting this, if you Set a timer. She's going to go. She's going to be thrown. That's. That's good. That's a sign you've got her attention. Because once you start a new ritual, new anything, your partner, if they're halfway alive, are going to sort of notice up, oh, what's he want now? You know, and so this is good. There's. There's also, uh, a whole list of rituals in my book, A Man's Guide to Pleasing His Partner. So let's see. Did I answer correctly or no?

Speaker A: Absolutely. Um, I can say now, uh, Dr. Moonstar, you're about to be my own personal cheat code. Because my wife and I, we just, uh, celebrated 20 years this year. So, yeah, you're about to be my chico. But, you know, just for the purpose of our podcast, I'm. I'm only asking for a friend, so to speak. So. But no, no, no, seriously, though, um, I will say everything that you're sharing. I mean, just the. The tips and expertise that you're already highlighting. I'm over here thinking, just as a man that's been married for 20 years, nobody kind of encouraged us to have these conversations. So, um, I am personally really intrigued. And again, I think that, um, speaks to exactly what I said. You know, what you're doing. I'm a guy's guy. I'm a man's man. I grew up playing football and all the things. Right, Nancy, to kind of get me in a position where I might open up and start having these conversations with you. I mean, I just went to a play last night with my wife and kids and some good friends of ours, and me and the guy, we just sat there having a drink and not really talking about anything. So I, uh, just want to, again, kind of really, um, give a shout out to the conversations that I think you are kind of tuning us into and the work you're doing. Um, I do want to point this out because, again, you, uh, went through the process and coming on the show with me today, filling out the assessment that I asked you to do. Just start to give me some background. So I've organized my thoughts, and, um, you mentioned, um, you know, kind of. I don't want to say the fear of selling, but, you know, just that feeling of fear when it comes to selling. One of the things I do want to point out for a lot of my clients, healthcare professionals, clinicians, um, a lot do struggle with selling. That's not, uh, it's not a new feeling or a new thing that I've seen Personally, with a lot of professionals like yourself. Um, because I will say that, yeah, that feeling of selling can sometimes feel very incompatible with the care that leaders in the healthcare and wellness space want to bring. The way that I want to kind of frame this up is really that selling. It doesn't have to mean persuasion. Right? That's. I think what comes to mind a lot is like, we have to sell people and persuade them and get them to buy our thing and give us money. That's not the way I like to frame it up. I actually like to frame it up like an invitation. But I guess I got a couple of thoughts that I want to share, but I do want to ask maybe a few more questions just to understand your background. Um, for you, Nancy, what does selling feel like for you, emotionally?

Speaker B: That's a good question. It feels like, um, a tension that wants to move outward here. Um, it feels like I'm stepping on unknown territory. Will they want what I'm talking about? Um, I'm just thinking about an email I sent to a whole group practice recently, and it took me a lot to send it and also send them swipe copy for if they want to send an easy email. Make it easy on them if they want to send it referrals. Yeah, yeah. For them to refer to me, but give to a client of theirs to contact. You know what I do, and my program and I had this story. My mind goes into these stories, like, oh, you know, you, you. You overstepped your boundary and you sent them swipe copy and you gave them all this stuff and they really didn't ask for all that. And, you know, and then what I got back was, uh, she actually thanked me for the sample email, so I thought, oh, okay. And, um, and she said she doesn't have anybody to send me right now, but she's filing away. Or so I guess that's as good as it gets. Um, so the feeling I have is like, I'm intruding. Like, is this really. And yet it's interesting for me because when I need something, I need somebody to remind me, hey, you said you needed thus and such, or you had a client who was looking for this, or you needed this fixed on your house. You know, it's kind of like, um. Or I was going to have a session with a woman for myself, and she never answered when I said, what do I need to do to prepare? Um, and so I was thinking, you know, it isn't really invasive. Like, if I could adopt that, I want to be helpful and like, you Said, I love that persuasion. And by the way, thank you for acknowledging in this realm it is a delicate boundary there. How do we put ourselves out there and make ourselves available and not be persuasive or try to convince.

Speaker A: Well, and you already touched on maybe two of the mindsets that, uh, I coach all of my clients up on. And if I didn't say it already, you know, my goal in this conversation really is to kind of put on my coaching hat. So please ask anything or engage. But I'm going to talk to you, Nancy, as if you are already one of my clients. I'm already, you know, working with you. Um, so the, the way that I, the way that I really coach it up, I already mentioned it's an invitation, but it's an invitation to allow me to solve your problem. And the analogy, if you let me know if you've heard this analogy. But, um, you know, we, we know as people, we should take our vitamins every day. We know vitamins are good for us, and we know most of us don't always take our vitamins on a daily basis, but when we have a headache, the first thing we do is run to a Tylenol or run to a pain pill. Right. So I want you to kind of put yourself in the mindset that you are the pain pill for your target audience of men who are having these intimacy, you know, improvement opportunities, and that's how you have to position it. But when you're talking to them one on one, you're not selling them a thing, but you are going down a process to get to a point where you invite them. Hey, hey, Jarvis. Would it be okay if I told you more about my program and how it can help you? Right, because I am the pain medicine. I'm the pain pill, the headache pill in this case. But inviting them into that process, I'll kind of go through a flow in just a moment. Um, but I guess. Let me stop there. Does that mindset kind of make sense or any thoughts or questions about that?

Speaker B: Oh, I just thoroughly appreciate. I was going to say, yeah, use me as a specimen. Help me. I mean, I was, I was excited. I just knew today you're going to help me with this fear of overcoming my own blocks.

Speaker A: So, no, I'm going to give you a framework that I think would be helpful. Um, and also, just when you do have your conversations about selling, so to speak, um, is there a specific point in the conversations where you feel hesitation? Like, is it around talking about price? Is it talking about the commitment? Is it Talking about outcomes or, or any specific point that just makes you hesitate more than you like.

Speaker B: Well, the price is a big one for me. And uh, probably because I'm really, I'm a friendly introvert, but I'm um, I'm also shy, basically. I'm not like an extrovert. I'm not just even presenting myself now. I can make myself do that. I do that. But yeah, the price and then just getting myself to do more, connecting to people.

Speaker A: Gotcha.

Speaker B: That's.

Speaker A: Are there any specific fears that come to you? Like you imagine someone saying no, and any fears that kind of come up as you have those thoughts?

Speaker B: Yes, it's like, um, who are you to be charging that? And that's way out of line. And that's um, beyond what you know. And um, it's. I mean, I can think of some comments people have made too. And does that answer it?

Speaker A: No, no, you, you absolutely answered it. So my, my strategy, you know, uh, I'll give it from a business point of view because there's two parts. There's a business and there's a personal point of view to have on, uh, what I would lead to kind of help you overcome that. Um, on the business side of it, the strategy there would be creating what I call a market dominating position for your business. And basically just to kind of break this down really quickly, high level is that all of our buyers, all of our prospects, they are really focused on two things when it comes to making a purchase. And even for us, right, we are consumers of stuff. So, you know, you could even kind of draw this in personally because we go through it ourselves and essentially is that there is a problem that I have that I don't want and there's a solution that I want that I don't have. So from a business perspective, you know, us as business owners, Nancy, we have to figure out how can we address the problems that our clients or customers have that they don't want. How can we position ourselves to be the solutions that they want, but they don't have yet? And when we do that, when we can create a one to two sentence statement that tells people how we address their problems, how we become their solutions, then we are positioned. You will never get questioned about. Like, who are you to say no? I've just explicitly shown you why I am the authority in this space, how I'm different from other psychologists or sex or intimacy coaches, et cetera. Um, but that becomes a positioning. That's why I call it a market dominating position. Because we are showing Our authority and we're positioning ourselves in a way that no other, you know, um, competitor could. Um, so let me give you an example. The uh, easy to kind of wrap your head around example. Um, back in the day, Domino's Pizza used to say that, hey, if you want a hot fresh pizza in 30 minutes or less or it's free, that was their market dominating position. They're just selling pizza. Right. There's a bazillion pizza places all over America, but only one that had the guts at that time to say, if you want hot, fresh, affordable pizza in 30 minutes fast, we're going to give it to you or we're going to give it to you for free. Like we'll get it there or we'll give it to you for free. Literally became $1 billion pizza business off of that one sentence. So, so yes, business owners, we have to kind of create our own positioning in a very similar way. Um, but then also on a personal side, there's this thing that I use with all my clients called, um, CliftonStrengths. So how do we start to identify our own internal, God given strengths, so to speak? Just our natural talents, our natural strengths. And the Clifton strengths assessment is a really, really good way to do that. Um, and I can share more with you, you know, after the call about that. But it's very affordable, very quick and easy. And I would say for me personally, when I went through it, it was a life changer, I think for most of my clients, I think they'd say about the same. So again, personally, we have to have the confidence, business wise, we have to establish that authority, that positioning. No one will ever question it, but it is a little bit of a process to kind of build those things appropriately. Um, but let me stop there. Any thoughts or questions about that?

Speaker B: No, I love what you're saying. Uh, now you established a strong sense with me immediately before you even like I knew your mission or much about you. You were so responsive and you responded immediately to my text back my response and alignable. You know, you're a quick. You did very professional, technical things. And uh, I like that. But I like what you're saying there. And it's really, if I can wrap my mind around, instead of being fear based, being based on, you know, I do have something special to deliver. And there is. Yeah. And really getting clear on that and, and saturating myself with that sense and that feeling.

Speaker A: Absolutely. It's really living in the problems of your target clients and always presenting yourself as the solution to their Problems.

Speaker B: So I like that, I like that.

Speaker A: Yeah. Understanding.

Speaker B: Listen a little. I'm going to listen a little closer even now with that because every person has a variation on their problem with. Yeah. Sorry I interrupted you.

Speaker A: No, no, no, I, I love the thought process you're going down. That, that is exactly it. Um, I do want to shift gears really quick because I, I am going to try to hopefully connect some dots. Um, I want to talk about your offer because um, you also mentioned in your assessment that just getting your offer in front of folks and making sure they have a chance to understand it, accept it ideally. Um, I love it. Can you tell me a little bit more about your year, uh, long virtual couples coaching program?

Speaker B: Yes. And I now call it an immersion imm. Uh because I start out with almost like ah, a jump start with my five stages of intimacy for a weekend for a Couple Friday to 2 hours, Saturday 2 hours and Sunday 2 hours by Zoom. So it's virtual. You can be comfortable in your own space. And I cover the first two stages thoroughly with a lot of uh, couples questions and exchange with each other. So I'm supporting the couple to process for themselves because you've got to be able to communicate with each other and I'm an encourager and holding that safe, non judgmental space. Uh, so two stages Friday, the next two stages Saturday and then the final on Sunday and an extra hour to just process question. So I start out with that jump start and that monthly coaching. Just a very brief half hour. And I keep coaching and I keep things short because men tend to want to be bottom line and let's get the question, get information and back, let's get it over with. Um, I'm also going to have hourly once a week on Friday afternoons just uh, doctor's hours so somebody can call in with anything and I'll just talk to them unlimited. Um, email. So when you're in a stuck place you can email me and then I'm going to hand tailor lessons, if you call them lessons, kind of what you're saying because each person has their own pain points and what do I do with this? And then I'm going to throw in some emergency calls when you're finally kind of freaking out or you're like, uh, what do I do with this? And she's not responding and she didn't like I said this and that wasn't right. So um, that's a year long. So monthly coaching to back it up and keep the momentum because you can learn something but to really fulfill and keep it going take some encouragement usually until you get the hang of it. And so I end that a year later. So it's 12 months of coaching and the support. Um, and then should I save price or what do I do? I do have a landing page on my website, a man's guide to intimacy. And I'm going to include the link so that you can get to my site and I'm going to put a link in there just for that program for the year long so you can look at in more detail. So you don't just have another weekend, you actually start a year to get a new relationship and relating. And I did want to add something that I talked a little bit about new relationships that you're establishing around sexuality, sensuality with a woman with part. And I picked traditional heterosexual. But it can be applied to any orientation because we're all yin and yang, we're all masculine and feminine. So um, for men who have been in long term relationships, I often encourage them to say something that sounds a little bit ordinary but can start kickstart the evening once you get into sensual discussion or kind of. Each person has their own, each couple has their own way of flirting and letting each other know, like, you know, yeah, I think we'll, we'll get intimate tonight. And there's different ways. And I also help guys sometimes learn little clues that are cute to bring her into that mindset for the night. But here's a question you can ask, you can ask, well, what would pleasure you tonight? Women aren't asked that. And it's so simple. And guys assume that they don't need to say that. But see, women don't, don't stay on, on the edge of sex like men do. Women like sex, but they want sex the way that it pleases them and that they want. And so when a guy says what would please you tonight? First member again, if you're just starting this, she'll go, hmm, hm, you know, and she won't know how to put it into words. But you're starting something there.

Speaker A: All right, well that I think that that does speak to maybe a couple of other questions I had. So I was going to ask who the program is for specifically. It sounds like maybe the initial target would be heterosexual men or heterosexual couples. Um, I guess maybe teach me more in this mindset. So what, what kind of man or couple thrives in the year long program versus maybe any short term, you know, programs you may have?

Speaker B: Well, it, it'd be a guy that understands to invest in a relationship and that, that's, that's super important. Guys go to their emails, they go to their trade account, they look at their, their social media, you know, their business stuff they do. But do you check in? A simple check in, even daily with, with your honey is, hey, how we doing? I'm thinking of you, you know, checking in like you would your own, your money, your emails, your business. It's like taking that seriously and being curious and wanting something. And sometimes it takes a more mature mindset to get into this because, for example, I will have men in second or beyond second marriages or relationships into, you know, into the mature years where they really want this to work. They, they want to make sure that this is fulfilling and this is a special connection. And I'm doing it. You know, it's not going to be like earlier in my career where career was everything and if it was hard for me, I wouldn't do it. Sometimes you have to do and give what's hard if you're a God. Right?

Speaker A: Well, I guess the way you are framing it up. So to me it doesn't sound like just, I, uh, would say an intimacy program. It sounds like there's accountability built in. There's definitely some transformation built in. And again, targeting men, but, you know, the benefit to the couple as a whole sounds like those are all parts of it. And the right client or the right person to join the program is someone looking to be emotionally present in their relationships, better connected? I would say that. I mean, just again, as a man that's been married, you know, to his one and only wife for 20 years, um, there's a responsibility there. So not just looking into my needs, my intimacy, but also hers or, you know, or the partner as a whole. Um, so those are the things that come to mind with you sharing your big flagship offer there. But what's, um, the name of it? What's the formal marketable name that you put out there?

Speaker B: Let's see, what do I want? Couples? Um, Immersion program. I used to sort of emphasize weekend because it does include. That's the biggest investment, but that's the most important to jumpstart, you know, get into the stages. So you. Yeah, so you. And, and in my, on my site, it's called Immersion Programmer Apples. Immersion. Because, because you're in it. You're in it. It's. I'm not going to just read stuff. I'm not just going to, I'm going to get you two to talk about these things. What, what. How does she want to be treated and touched?

Speaker A: What type of yeah, I would. And I'm kind of freestyling on the top of my thoughts with this. But, um, so my, my strategy proposal for you there, M. Nancy, is consider naming it something that is very much results based or whatever that final transformation is. And I'm just, I'm freestyling, like I said. So call it the Intimacy Jumpstart program or, you know, the Better Sex for Life program or whatever it is. You know, once a couple goes through this experience with you for the next 12 months, what is that thing that they can look for by the time that 12 months is over and align a lot of what you're communicating about it. Because I will say, and this is personal thought here, probably not as much professional coaching on this thought, but when I hear like a couple's immersion program for me as a man, I'm thinking, uh, I gotta go to the therapist, right? But if you tell me like Jarvis, this is the Better Sex for Life program, right now, I'm spiking up. I'm. Okay, so if I follow what Dr. Nancy is saying, I'm going to have better sex with my partner for the rest of my life. Whatever. Um, again, I'm kind of making it fun and freestyling it. But consider looking at the name of it and aligning it with the end results is really the feedback.

Speaker B: Love that, Love that. And I just wrote that down. I think that's great.

Speaker A: Thank you.

Speaker B: Thank you. Um, and I am, uh, constantly reminded, like when I write. So, okay, now, how does a guy need to hear this? What are his words? He has.

Speaker A: Well, and that even kind of goes back. Um, have you built a client or customer avatar for your business or at least for the program?

Speaker B: Tell me what you mean by that.

Speaker A: Okay, so the way that, um, the way that we start to better know our target clients, our target audience is by building an avatar, which is basically kind of like a. When you think about who your best clients that you've worked with over the last five years, for example, and you could just pull all the different characteristics about that client together and build the perfect client based on, Hey, I remember when I worked with Joe. I like Joe because of these things and I like Bob because of these. Right? And just build, hey, my perfect client will have these attributes, these things. But more importantly are, uh, the psychographics. Hey, this is what they're thinking. These are their goals. These are their fears. These are the reasons why they would work with Dr. Moonstar today. These are the reasons they would say no to working with Dr. Moonstar. Today, like you can go ahead and kind of flesh out as much of that as possible. That's one of the first starting points when I'm working with one of my clients is we need to know who we retargeting, who are we trying to speak with. But then coming up with unique names or appropriate names based on the avatar is really the goal. Hey, you know, when I work with Joe, Joe would be very attracted to the best sex of your life. Year long coaching program. Boom. Now we have a name. Right? Uh, and I'm just again having fun with that. But the avatar is the business strategy there to consider building out and then kind of the next part. So the next part now. So we, we talked a little bit about selling. You taught me more about your offer. Now how do we enroll people or invite people to be a part of the program? Because again, we don't sell anything. If we're selling, we're doing something wrong. But we can invite people to allow us to solve their problems all day long. So I guess my question here, do you have a discovery process or an enrollment process built into your business?

Speaker B: I do not. I have used webinars in the past.

Speaker A: Okay.

Speaker B: And I've used summits, uh, interviewing other experts. But no, I do not. But I hear other coaches talk about discovery calls.

Speaker A: Yeah. So let me first say, you know, webinars and summits are perfect lead generation strategies for solopreneurs. They are actually the best lead generation strategies out there today is called event marketing is kind of the category of what a webinar or a summit falls into. You host an event, you demonstrate your expertise. But then the second part of that, and sometimes this is the part that a lot of people will miss. Um, the second part of that is then inviting participants of that event into a discovery call or an enrollment call. They're interchangeable. And here's kind of a quick framework to use for your discovery process or your enrollment process. So it's four steps. Exploration, clinical insight, recommendation, and then the invitation. And so for that exploration, basically, um, you know, again, I'm kind of keeping a high level, but you're going to talk to them. Um, what's working, what's not working, what have they tried, what's at stake if they do, if, if they do nothing to make the appropriate changes, then you give your expert insight or your clinical insight. Hey, Jarvis. You know, based on what you're sharing, you know, short term solutions, that they may not be enough. Then you give a recommendation, hey, I believe this long term, year long coaching Program would be the thing that can serve you the best, that can solve your problem. That'll get rid of that headache you got, Jarvis. And then you just make an invitation. Would you like me to explain what this looks like? And it's an invite. Just that simple. And the goal. So. So that would be the framework. And again, we customize it. You know, I would customize for my clients. So that's the work I coach. Um, but basically that invitation part, that is now where you're asking permission to share more about your solutions. Oh, yeah, you know, Dr. Nancy, absolutely. Tell me more. You know, help me get us. And now you have, again, a very structured program or structured process on how you share that. But again, that's how you make selling so much easier, because now it feels like a care process. Right? The same way a doctor would say, well, hey, Jarvis, I just got your X ray scans. Can I. Can I tell you, you know, what we're seeing, what we think, what we feel, what the prescription is, what the care plan is. Very similar process, exploration, clinical insight, recommendation, invitation, ask permission to sell. But when they say, yeah, doctor, uh, Moonstar, please tell me more. And then you kind of go into that. That last little part to share the details and so forth. Um, let me stop there. Any thoughts or questions?

Speaker B: No, I'm just going to read back.

Speaker A: What.

Speaker B: So exploration, insight, recommendation, and then invitation.

Speaker A: Yes, ma'. Am.

Speaker B: That. That. Yeah, that makes. I'm not old enough to be a

Speaker A: ma' am yet, so I'm. I'm from the South, I'm in Atlanta,

Speaker B: so that's all I noticed that I try to correct people, and I'm like, I guess that, you know. And I. And then I also get sometimes, oh, I grew up with a military dad. Or we had to. Or in the military. We had to. Anyway, so, um. Okay, yeah, no, I really like everything you're saying. And I'm putting together a nice picture. So webinars and summits are called event.

Speaker A: Uh, yeah, event marketing.

Speaker B: Event marketing. Okay.

Speaker A: So. And I'm. Let me kind of connect the dots. So let. I'm freestyling again. But let's say if you did a webinar on five tips that all men should know about intimacy going into the new year, that's the title. Every man's gonna be like, oh, there's a tip about intimacy. Let me go. Right. And you get a hundred men showing up on this webinar, and then you provide great insights and expertise about the tips that they should know about intimacy heading into the new year. At the end of that event, what you can say is something along the lines of, hey, for everyone who showed up today and stuck around to the end of this conversation, I want to invite you to a one on one conversation where I will build, um, I will share with you in more detail my five phase program for being more intimate with your partner. And I'm just making up numbers, but let's say out of that hundred people phase, 30% take you up on the offer. So now you have 30 of those discovery or enrollment calls. And again now you just leverage the whole process. Well, hey Jarvis, you know, I'm going to share more about, you know, my five phases of intimacy, but you know, let me go through my structured process, so exploration, clinical insight, recommendation. Uh, well, hey Jarvis, you know what I love to do is send you this based on the things I've learned about you and that you really are going to provide value to them about how your five phase methodology can support them. But you're also going to say, well hey Jarvis, before I let you go, would you like me to explain more about what my long term program looks like and that you invite them into that conversation? Well yeah doc, tell me more. Okay. And now you go in, well, hey, here's my year long program. And you share more information. But that's the lead generation, the webinar, the event marketing. And again that event can be webinars, it could be recorded webinars, live speaking, summits, et cetera. So there's a whole mix of strategies in event marketing, but that event marketing always leads with a call to action to have a one on one conversation. That enrollment call, that discovery call, and that's where you use the framework that I shared earlier.

Speaker B: Okay, and then I think you were switching, you were telling me the stages and you were switching into, as you're speaking to a potential buyer, you said, can I send you and tell me a little bit more.

Speaker A: M. Well, you're still going to give them some feedback. You know, if you're offering a uh, customized uh, plan around your five phases for intimacy, you're still going to give them something related to that so that you know, your uh, integrity behind that offer is still going to be there.

Speaker B: Okay.

Speaker A: But you're still going to use a part of that time also to share with them the information about, you know, your, your other programs.

Speaker B: Okay, so let me back up. So when I'm in the discovery call, I'm uh, helping them and I'm helping go through, you know, getting insight recommendations. Um, and at the end I will send them like some simple blurb and say if I were to make a recommendation, I want you to focus on stage three more moving into four or something like that. But I would, I would send them something in writing.

Speaker A: Absolutely.

Speaker B: Like just a little. Okay.

Speaker A: Yeah. And I would say very similar to the conversation we're having, like you still coach them up or guide them appropriately, give them real value. I, uh, I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I'm hoping I'm giving you real value today. So don't hold anything. Yeah, don't hold anything back. But, and then in your conversation, when it's appropriate, you also give them an invitation to, you know, having a better relationship with you so you can be, you can walk the path with them to solve the problem.

Speaker B: I like that. I like that. That's helpful. Yeah. The way you put it all together is very helpful. Yeah. And I was, I was going to ask for a little more definition on. So you have an event. Your call to action then is people jumping on a discovery call, pressing my calendar link and setting that up. And then there was another. Oh, lead generation. I'm still trying to understand lead generation. What. Tell me more about.

Speaker A: Yeah, so that's again kind of the businessy term, but basically how do we get um, connected and get in front of as many of our potential buyers as possible? So we want to generate a lead or generate prospects. So if you are doing a webinar, for example, you don't want to just post the webinar, um, to eventbrite or you know, one of those pages, but you also want to share with people because you want people to show up. So those people, in the business world, they are called leads, customers, clients, patients, you know, whatever your term is, it's the same concept but basically we, we will host an event and we just need people to show up to them.

Speaker B: Okay.

Speaker A: And then you, you should, you'll, you'll learn I think with um, with consistency behind a strategy like that. Hey, you know, every time I do a webinar I can consistently get X number of people there. And again I'm just using ah, a hundred for easy math. And whenever I do uh, an event I can consistently get a hundred people there. And those a hundred people, consistently about 30 will do the follow up discovery call with me. And out of the 30 people that register, only 20 actually show up because some people just won't show up to a meeting even if they book it. Um, but out of those 20, consistently I'm getting five new clients. That becomes a very repeatable process now. And all the more reason that maybe we do at least one webinar every month. Once we get a good rhythm and a process down for doing all of that, maybe we do one webinar a week. Who knows? It depends on now. How many people do you want to serve?

Speaker B: Thank you. Yeah, that's very helpful. Thank you so much.

Speaker A: All right, and now the. I guess the last note that I had just again, given the feedback from, um, your assessment was really around how to structure the time, because I'm giving you, um, some cool thoughts. But now we have to build time throughout the day to focus on building these things in the business, um, and essentially blocking time appropriately. So, um, I'll share with you. This is a personal strategy that I've learned, Nancy, and I, I share with all of my clients. I'll share with anybody willing to listen, honestly, because it's, I think it's, for me, is such an important process for my business and how I support my clients. Um, every day I put two meetings on my calendar that are non negotiables.

Speaker B: If I may, if I'm. There's a little interference. I don't know if you're moving or jiggling something. It's sort of, it's fine now, but for some, I think when you were,

Speaker A: oh, no, I must have hit my table here. I'm sorry. But, yeah, thank you for that. But no, I was saying every day there are two meetings that I put on my calendar that are just non negotiables. Nothing can step on those meetings for the sake of my business. And so the first, I call it ttt, which is, simply stands for time to think. And that is a 45 minute meeting at this point. 45 minutes where I turn everything off. So no phone, no computer, no Google, no AI. Um, but I just take time to think and I reflect on my day, reflect on the conversations, uh, that I may have had throughout the day. Um, um, but most importantly during that time, Nancy, I also will ask myself the hardest questions I could think about in my business at that moment. So. Excuse me. Um, so examples of that could be, how can I get 10 new clients by the end of this month? Right. And just random questions. But whatever my need in my business may be, those are the questions that I want to actually just spend time thinking about. But I do it every day. Um, how can I make this much money for this month? How can I serve this many more people? How can I generate this many more referral partners? Right. It's just whatever the Questions may be, and I just take time to think about it. So that's number one, just time to think. And then I take my notes. And then after that time is up, then I allow myself to go online or get on AI, you know, whatever the resources to solve those questions. We have to solve problems in our own business. And so that's my process. But TTT is that one. And then the second meeting is called ttm, which is time to measure. And so that's where I'm also looking at how many, how many new emails did I send out, conversations that I have today? How many discovery calls that I have today? Right. For me, how many podcast conversations did I have? So, so every week I have goals around, you know, the measurables that I want for my business. And then I have, you know, time set aside to think about some of those measurables or how I want to solve different problems. And then the last thing is that I do block my day and I stick to it for as much as possible. Um, so in my structure, from 8 to 10 o' clock every morning, that's lead generation time. And then the remainder of my day is a mix of client time and personal learning time. So I still work with a coach, and I like to do things to make sure that on a daily basis I can get a little smarter, a little better about the things that I do. And then, of course, I serve my clients, I work with my clients all day long. Um, but, you know, I block my time and block my weeks appropriately. So those are just the big strategies. Um, the ttm, TTT time and then blocking my daily calendar. Um, but let me stop there and just ask any thoughts or questions that I can share more on.

Speaker B: No, I really like that. And I like how you started out with, um, time to think, because, yeah, that's really significant, really important to do that. So I do appreciate. And the measurables, the. That that's nice and clear. And I was just thinking, you know, it's going to be different for me than it would be for you. But, um, thank you for this, you know, personal strategy on time blocking.

Speaker A: Yeah, no, and you know, to your point, you kind of have to figure out your own version of that. I tell everybody, at least if you can start with 30 minutes a day with the time to think, that's just a good way to get that momentum started and at least one day of week for the time to measure. Because the big thing from a business point of view, if we can't measure it, then we can't manage it. If we don't know how many leads are coming in every day or every week, then it's hard to grow those numbers. If we need to grow them or to make more sales, I mean, to say it directly. Um, so at a minimum, 30 minutes a day for time to think, 30 minutes a week for time to measure. But you'll hopefully, if you start to, um, practice those two, you get to a point where, like, I need time to think. Like, I have my days, especially, like on the weekends when I'm running around with the kids, if I don't take time to think, like, oh, I didn't think today, you know, just about the business or about different things I may want to do. And I, I personally feel it at this point. But, um, um, Nancy, before we wrap up, I. I know, um, we're right there at about an hour, um, um, the last thing I did want to address was just one of the comments that I saw, and I was like, I really have to bring this up during our conversation, which was, um, kind of not knowing sometimes if you should keep pushing or kind of keep. Excuse me. Keep working to make the impact you're making in your business. So the simple question that I have for you here is, Nancy, if there was just one man that was out there that needed your help, would you keep going?

Speaker B: Yes. Yeah. That's a great question. Thank you. I appreciate that. I appreciate that.

Speaker A: And I just want to say, just again, given my research on you, when I came across your profile the first time and reached out, um, I was impressed. Uh, I didn't know folks like you existed. In all fairness, um, Nancy, and now I'm telling you, I will be buying your book personally, um, and I will be reaching out and trying to support more. But, um, I get the feeling just from a lot of conversations that I have with men in my circles, um, there's a need. So I just want to give you that encouragement. But, um, before I wrap us up, Nancy, I, uh, would love if you could share just the best way that our audience can stay connected with you or look you up or follow your journey online.

Speaker B: Thank you. Um, my website is, and there's no apostrophe a mansguide to intimacy dot com. Uh, and on the front page, you can opt in and get a free cheat sheet. On my five stages, you can also reach, uh, me on Instagram, A Man's Guide to Intimacy. And I have simple postings that there on the five stages and get Lucky Fridays, where I give a quick couple minute tip on these Practices. And, uh, let's see what else. I do have a Facebook business page. I don't do much on that. And, uh, my book is on, um, Amazon. But if you look for it and you purchase it, it's interesting because this is in my book, too. How the Puritans are Still Around. Um, you can't just get the book easily. You have to uncover all books, some somehow there's a menu item at the top. Otherwise it filters my book because my book does have explicit sexual content. And it's a man's guide to pleasuring his partner. The five stages of intimacy, from conversation to penetration. It looks like this. If you get the paper back, there's a reflection there. And, um, so those are some easy, basic ways to get a hold of me. And on my site, there is a contact sheet that you can write me. My book is on there, too. You can order it through my site. And then my program that I'm going to change the name of. I like your name. I like that name. That was a great one. Better Sex for Life program. Yeah, definitely.

Speaker A: All right, well, I. I will support that. Um, Nancy, we will absolutely include the links to everything that you shared. Your website, um, your social media. Absolutely. To the book. Hopefully we can get it, you know, get people directed straight there. But, um, Nancy, I just want to say thank you again for the conversation and, um, just that the overall openness and transparency. I know even as business owners, it could be so hard just to kind of come through and continue to share the thoughts and the vulnerability that we do. So, um, I appreciate you for allowing me to, uh, kind of plug in with you on this journey, uh, to our audience. We appreciate you for making the Excellence in Healthcare podcast a part of your day. Until next time, this is Jarvis and Dr. Nancy Moonstar, and we're officially signing off. Hey, thanks again for joining the conversation. I hope that at least one major aha, uh, moment brightened your day. If it did, here's what I'd love for you to do next. To make sure you don't miss on any of our upcoming shows, go ahead and hit the subscribe button right there on your podcast player, if you haven't already. Also, please leave a rating and a review for the show while you're there. Your reviews add tremendous amount of social proof for the show, and it helps to build the momentum needed to spread the message of excellence in healthcare worldwide. So thank you again for the engagement and support, and I'll see you in the next episode here on the Excellence in Healthcare Podcast.