The Agenda: Why do younger and older generations see mental health so differently?

Speaker A: Best of your way home with Hong Bin Jeong. Different generations, different money habits, different priorities. It's the agenda Only on Money FM M 89.3. Welcome to the Agenda. I'm Hong Bin Jeong. Now, mental health was once something many families simply didn't talk about. For older generations, it was often seen as a private struggle, something to endure rather than discuss. But today, younger generations are changing, changing that. More people are speaking openly about anxiety, depression and burnout, challenging long held beliefs about what it means to be strong. Few people understand that divide better than Lisa Chan. After surviving depression and evolving her relationship with her father, she's become a mental health advocate whose story has resonated with families across generations. So why do younger and older generations still see mental health still so differently? And are we finally starting to bridge that gap? Well, joining us here in the studio is mental health advocate and content creator, Lisa Chan. Hi, Lisa. Welcome to the show.

Speaker B: Hi, I'm Lisa. I'm a family and mental health content creator. Thank you for having me here today.

Speaker A: Thank you so much for joining us. Well, Lisa, I'd love to begin with your own personal journey. Looking back now, when did you first realize that what you were experiencing was more than just feeling sad?

Speaker B: I don't think there is an exact moment to realise that you have depression. In fact, I think I was in denial to see myself losing myself. So it had to go to an extent where the teacher had to call my parents down to school because of my absence and my conduct for me to really realize how drastic my situation was.

Speaker A: During that period, you made the difficult decision not to tell your parents what you were going through. What stopped you from opening up to them?

Speaker B: It was because I was in denial. I thought I could recover on my own. And even, let's say, if I am aware of my situation, I would be terrified to tell them because I was afraid that they would give me a very dismissive reaction. I think in the state of mind, we tend to overthink about how people will judge our situation. And in fact, it did happen at first because once they realized the situation, they gave me a very intense reaction like, oh, why are you ungrateful for the life that you have? In a way, they don't mean it at all. And it is, in a sense, when I don't understand myself, how would I expect them to understand me as well? Yeah, but I can say that easily now because I'm in a better situation. But that is also the reason why I want to share this difference in perspective so that as much as they are going through conflict between children and parents, they know that it is possible to get to where my dad and I are today.

Speaker A: I mean, one of the most touching parts of your story is it came after your father shared, shared publicly that he didn't recognize the signs of depression because he simply didn't know what depression looked like. And it wasn't that he didn't love you. He, uh, just didn't have the awareness or understanding. When you heard him say that, did it change the way you viewed his reaction?

Speaker B: There was definitely a sense of relief, in a way, because the first time he knew that I officially, in a way, was diagnosed with depression was because he had to fetch me from IMH after the attempt. Yes. So the police had to call him. Then he had to calm down. And he didn't say anything. He just said, do you want to lie on my shoulder? And that's when I got really emotional. Even until this day, if I think about that moment, it just catches me off guard. Will you lie on my shoulder? Then we didn't say anything from the hospital back to home. And for a few days, I went into solitude mode just in my dark room. I avoided all calls. And my dad, he just asked me, what do you want to eat? So this. This was the period after my parents have accepted the situation. So that was my dad's approach, and my mom's approach was, okay, you know what? Let's just type on YouTube. What is depression? Ah. So it was all these stepping stones that my parents initially took first, Definitely.

Speaker A: I think it's also sometimes some of the parents, they didn't grow up in a very expressive household, so they don't know how to express themselves. And it's not about them. Not that they don't love you. It's really. They don't know how to express themselves. So it's like the little moments where, you know, just lean on my shoulder or, have you eaten? Do you want to eat? Is kind of. We also have to understand, the younger generations have to also understand that this is also their way, in a way, to express their love and care. Do you think that's what many families are facing today? You know, not a lack of love, but a lack of understanding. Why do you think so many parents from older generations still struggle to recognize, recognize or talk about mental health?

Speaker B: I think very often parents want the best for their children, and parents genuinely love them. So love and mental health literacy are, uh, not the same thing. And most of the time, when we open up to our parents, they will Just say, why are you crying? Or just persevere. And they might say it from the heart, but the person affected might feel like it's very dismissive and sometimes it might offend the person. Like, yeah, I know that's what I'm supposed to be doing. Don't tell me that. I just need some support. Yeah, but in those times, emotions are extremely high and M, we might say things that we don't mean and it might escalate from there. So yeah, it's totally not like the parents don't love you. They just don't know what's the best way to approach you. And in situations like this, it's not just I say my point. You understand me straight. Yeah. So it's a, ah, very gradual thing. Like it took me and my dad years to have this current born.

Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, you said it. I mean many parents, they grew up during a time when resilience meant putting your head down, working hard and pushing through difficult times. Talking about your emotions simply wasn't on the table. Right. It wasn't something many families did. Younger generations, however, we're seeing more of them. They're growing, you know, they're growing up in a very different world. We're seeing more of them asking for help. Right. And it's increasingly seen as a sign of strength rather than weakness. Why do you think these two generations, though, have developed such different perspectives on mental health? Why are more younger generations, you know, now openly speaking about mental health? What's changed, do you think?

Speaker B: Definitely both generations grew up in different circumstances. For instance, the younger generation, now we have mental health conversations in school and even social media platforms. Yes. So, and in, in a way, these social media platforms also empowered us to, to share. But unfortunately awareness doesn't mean understanding. And that is where also people can start misusing or overusing the term. And that's when the term Gen Z mental illness comes in. And of course when I hear things like that, I'm very demoralized sometimes. M. But I think at the end of the day, that's when two generations have to come together to understand each other rather than my generation is. Right, yeah, yeah.

Speaker A: I mean it's also to a point where older generations view younger generation as, you know, they're so uptight, they're so entitled, they don't want to work hard anymore. When it's not that. Right. Because I think it's the idea of this mental health being overused and then you start losing that core awareness that we need. Right. So with this generational Divide. What are some of the biggest challenges young people face when opening up to the older generation? Generations?

Speaker B: I think it is mainly because the older generation would focus on persevering. In my perspective, they will choose to shut their emotions down and just be productive, get the work done. And probably the younger generation will look at it as resilience and vulnerability are supposed to shake hands. We are not supposed to look at vulnerability as a, uh, weakness. And I think in terms of how my family and I overcome it together, it also helped my parents to open up about their struggles. Yes. And like how my dad, he's very afraid of telling us how he overcame his bankruptcy in the past. He failed his business. And I think as a man, you have a really huge ego. Right. And it's very amazing how he's able to tell us. Actually me, lah, not my younger brothers yet. Too young.

Speaker A: So, I mean, um, what can we learn from your family here then? I mean, at this point, how do we bridge that gap between these two generations?

Speaker B: In its core, when you're emotional, you can let yourself feel it, but don't project it on one another. And it sounds simple, but it's one of the hardest things to do. So I think that's the first step. The second step is definitely empathy and not dismissing the fact that the person might be suffering. Because, uh, sometimes we just want our loved ones, our closest ones, to hear what we have to say and understand. And at the same time, we have to remember that the only person can truly help us is us. And once again, it takes both hands to clap. So it's not just one person's entitlement into thinking that other people understand you just for the sake of it.

Speaker A: Definitely. So when it comes to coping with difficult emotions, what do you think each generation gets right, and what do they sometimes get wrong?

Speaker B: I think for my parents, it is similar to the working hard part. But I think when we work hard, we forget to take care of ourselves. We just dismiss everything else. And then we suddenly feel tension headaches. We suddenly feel, um, heart palpitations from working too hard. And I think that's when families should come together to remind each other of what's important in life. And I think for the younger generation, we focus on work, life balance a lot more. But that's when we also have to realize that working hard is still important. So I think in terms of these two generations, we can remind ourselves and actually balance each other out if we look at it positively.

Speaker A: Okay. Well, Lisa, I believe your story didn't stop with Your own recovery. Uh, since then, you've chosen to share your journey publicly, even creating content alongside your father to, you know, help other families better understand mental health. Since sharing your story online, what are some of the main messages that you've received that you know that stayed with you the most?

Speaker B: Oh, there was this one funny one. They showed my mental m Health video to their parents. And then the parents say, oh, this AI but it's a joke because it's a very rare thing, you know, when a parent and a child have to talk about how they overcome this. So it's uh, I still don't know how I did it. Yeah. So the other one was.

Speaker A: So it's so unbelievable that I thought

Speaker B: it was AI I still don't know how I'm feeling. So the other one was actually more emotional. It was because definitely there will be people around my age who are students who almost gave up, would tell me that they feel less alone, they overcame certain setbacks because they felt less alone. The other one was more emotional because, uh, it was a parent where the, uh, trial attempted. And in each and every time I would love to help and reply all these messages, but I'm not a therapist. I'm not a professional mental health advocate. I guess like a therapist. Yeah. So they have to. So I always disclaimer that this is based on my experience and what works for my family. And family situations are really complex. So just take my advice with a grain of salt.

Speaker A: Well, have you heard from followers who told you that your content gave them the courage to open up to their own parents?

Speaker B: Oh, for sure, for sure. And there was this one time where the mom straightaway expressed her disappointment, but because of the content, she did not take it so personally and gave the parents a bit of time to accept her situation because I think she would rather go through the struggle of telling them than go through the struggle of not telling them at all.

Speaker A: And I think it's a great point that you mentioned earlier that, you know, in schools now we learn more about mental health and well being and how you can be open about it. But we also have to understand as the younger generation that our parents never had that opportunity. So they don't know how to process these emotions. And at the end of the day, we're all learning. Right. As more young people speak openly about their mental health. Lisa. I mean, it feels like families are slowly beginning to have conversations that, uh, previous generations never had. So for young people listening, you know, who feel their parents just don't get it, what's One thing you've learned about starting that conversation.

Speaker B: Wow. That conversation is still very hard for me. It never gets easy. You just get stronger and, and wiser. Yeah. So even like right now, adulting got married, there are new challenges. Um, there are times where I feel like I don't want to burden anyone. I don't want to be a source of stress for someone. And sometimes we will let it, we will wait it, wait for the situation to get worse before we do something about it. So I think my advice out there is don't overestimate yourself and think that you can handle everything on your own because your body will catch up with you. And there is really no shame in, um, seeking help. And the right ones will be there for you.

Speaker A: And for parents, you know, who genuinely want to help but are worried they'll say the wrong thing, what's the first step?

Speaker B: The first step is you might still say the wrong thing, but just continue to be genuine and show your love the way that you have always done. Like cooking for them, um, asking them, how's your day? Show that you are present and don't let ego get in the way. If, let's say, you argue a lot, then who starts the conversation first? Now all of that doesn't matter.

Speaker A: Okay, well, thank you so much, Lisa. I think this is a very important conversation that we had to have and I really appreciate you sharing your story with us.

Speaker B: Thank you so much.

Speaker A: Thank you. Uh, we've been speaking to mental health advocate and content creator Lisa Chan. Now, before we wrap up, we'd just like to say this. Uh, if today's conversation has resonated with you, or if you or someone you know is struggling with mental health, please remember that you don't have to go through it alone. Help is available. You can also contact, uh, Samaritans of Singapore at 1767. It's a 24 hour hotline. Singapore association for Mental Health at 1-800-283-7019. Institute of Mental Health, uh, uh, helpline is at 638-92222. Silver Ribbon Singapore, 6386-1928. And that's all on the agenda with me, Hong Bin Jung. On your way home. For more conversations and podcasts, visit MoneyFM893.