The Unburdened Leader · 2026-05-08 · 1h 9m
It is hard to be human. And right now, it is even harder to be humane, to ourselves and to others. And so many high-achieving, deeply caring leaders are under pressure to stay regulated, calm, and adaptable, no matter what they’re facing. They look serene on the outside, but internally? They feel like a hot mess. They mask what they’re feeling and push through so they can try to be the person, friend, leader they want to be. They fake regulation at the expense of their actual wellbeing. As the language of modalities like IFS and polyvagal theory has spread into the culture, the concepts have been distorted and even weaponized to police others and encourage self-editing, silencing, and hypervigilance. The exact opposite of cultivating the safety, connection, and practices that support a resilient nervous system. Today, polyvagal-theory expert Deb Dana is back to talk with me about what the culture so often gets wrong about nervous system regulation, why we need to plan for how to approach repair and reconnection when we inevitably make mistakes, and how to protect our compassion and curiosity about all the other kinds of nervous systems we encounter out in the world.
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