The Most Important Sale You'll Ever Make Is Believing In Yourself

Speaker A: All right. Hello, hello, hello. Uh, welcome to another episode of the Sell by Being Human podcast. I'm your host, Alex Smith, and this is the podcast where we learn from people in all walks of life who sell things through the lens of human connection. I believe we can learn human skills from people all around us. And this is the podcast where we bring the very best of those people together. And gang, we have one of those people here. I always love to talk about, uh, topics that are so close to my heart, around emotional intelligence and eq. We have someone. This woman is the founder of EQ Wise, an education and training startup delivering emotional intelligence and brain science based education. She's an internationally trained life executive career coach with, uh, more 20 years experience helping individual teams and leaders develop core skills, uh, around emotional intelligence, including self awareness. She's also the author of Most People Don't Need a Therapist, They Just Need Change, an easy guide for positive, sustainable change. I just love that title. Please welcome none other than Coach Monique Demonico to the podcast. Welcome, Monique.

Speaker B: Well, thank you for having me and I'm so flattered with some of the best people in the field. So thank you.

Speaker A: Yeah, this is gonna be fun. Uh, we were talking beforehand just around emotional intelligence and sales, and if you're working in any profession, you've heard, uh, the term emotional intelligence, eq, and maybe you've heard of certain skills around developing it, but maybe they're not as tangible to all of us. So we'll dig into that today on the podcast. But Coach, I want to just bring us centered around a conversation that I ask all guests. And this is a conversation, this is a question rather that I ask all guests. And I would love to hear where you take this. So you heard the name of the podcast. You know the name Sell by being Human when you see a name like that, Tell me, when you hear the name and see the name Sell by being human, what does that mean to you and what do you think about when you hear that term?

Speaker B: Well, if you're human, you're selling. And people don't understand that. Right. We're always selling ourselves, our ideas, what we have to offer when you're selling something or just showing up in life. And so I often think that people do not realize that they're selling themselves, so they have a preconceived notion of what it means to sell. But, uh, you can be in sales, right? And obviously then you're selling a product or a service, but recognizing that just in life you're selling. And selling is about connection well, say more of that.

Speaker A: Talk to me. As an entrepreneur, business owner, you're connecting, right? You have to connect first, uh, to really understand if we're on the same wavelength. So tell me more about where you learned that. Can you credit building connections to people around you in your life, in your career? What does great look like when building connections? And where did you learn some of those skills, you think, in your career?

Speaker B: Well, at one point, I did hire a sales coach, uh, for about six months. But being emotional intelligence expert, I had a little bit of an inroad of understanding what it felt like. And so making connections, everything from networking. We think of a typical networking event, but also bocce tournaments. Right. We're doing one of those on next Tuesday. The ways in which you're out in the world and you make connections. Some of my best clients have come through for. For example, a couple months ago, was just out to dinner with my son. I ran into someone I know, uh, pretty close friend, and she was having dinner with someone else, and she's like, oh, I just want to introduce you to a friend of mine. And within six weeks, I had the organization that she was, uh, CFO of as a client, and I was just at dinner. Right. And so I would say 75 to 80% of my clients come to me through introductions. Now. Now, I mean, after 22 years, people come through with referrals, but oftentimes it's just events that you are. People think of you, how they see you, how they perceive you. You're just in the grocery store, right? And people. You connect with people, and then things, um, naturally and organically happen, which is so much better than, you know, running an ad and trying to connect with someone who doesn't know you. Of course, early in my career, there was a lot more of that. And to be honest, I did struggle with that, and that's why I hired a sales coach. But I already had the background of emotional intelligence, I think, which expedited the learning curve for me.

Speaker A: Yeah. Tell me a little bit about, like, when you first thought that this is, uh, a path, like, uh, going down, just making a career out of knowing yourself, knowing others, how to really see and connect with others. What made it a career that you wanted to really pursue? I've heard you kind of learn emotional intelligence just by experiences, right. Or just by failing at it. I don't think it's as common. Maybe you could disagree with me, but it's maybe not as common for people to maybe pay a coach to, uh, give them training on Emotion intelligence or for companies. I can't think of tons of companies that have had curriculum on emotional intelligence here and there. But not, not sustained curriculum. Right. So what made it something, uh, for you where you thought, hey, this is something I'm good at and maybe something I want to make a career out of?

Speaker B: Well, I guess it requires a little bit of background on me. I was born in rural poverty with two parents who were mentally ill doing the best that they could. I had undiagnosed learning disorders, and my disorders were, in short term, working memory and spatial. And so I was always the kid who was, like, trying to get it together, who was not getting it together very well. I also had undiagnosed epilepsy, which presented as staring spells. So all my life I heard, you know, you're lazy, you're not very smart. Nobody wants to hear what you have to say. And at 15, I was diagnosed with these things. And so the biggest lesson for me was I was smart. Because one of the things they said to me was, you have taught yourself everything that we would teach you and that you are smart. And that was a huge shift for me. So. But, you know, when you're 16, 17 years old, you think, well, it's too bad we didn't know that sooner because it's too late. So I did end up, uh, doing something that no one thought I would ever do. At 24, I went to college, was the first person in my family to graduate from college. And then I started this life that in rural poverty, like, people like us don't do that, right? And I started doing so many of those things and having friends and relationships and experiences that people like us didn't have. Then at one point, I had so many of the things that I never thought would possible, right? I had a healthy marriage, I had a great house, I had a great circle of friends. And I remember it was Christmas Day, and I was 30, and I was just sitting there, and I grabbed a book, a hundred things I'm most grateful for. And on one page it said, I'm always grateful for the Silva Method. And I thought, well, what is that? Right? But it just so happened that that year for Christmas, we bought our son a computer, which I'm embarrassed to say, with a newfangled service called the Internet, which I thought was fleeting. You know, that's dumb, right? But we'll sign up. And, uh, the old dial up, right? You could still hear that. And I looked up the Silva Method, and they weren't. The office was closed till January. Got out. Went out and read the book twice. Called immediately Monday after the New Year's and said, okay, how do I get involved? And they said that one of our best UH instructors is in Philadelphia and I'm in Pittsburgh. So I did something I had never done. I took a road trip by myself, stayed in a hotel. I'd never done those things. And the very first morning, the instructor got into, you know, awareness and some of these things. And one of the things she said most powerful, I still think about this every day. As she said, not only can you question your thoughts, but you should question your thoughts. And growing up the way I did, I was always told what my thoughts would be, what I needed to think about, what I wasn't allowed to think about, right? And I'll never forget on the first break, I'm, um, walking down the hall. I can distinctly see the colors of the carpet. I can smell that smell. And I thought, oh my God, my life is changing. And so I spent the next 10 years, I like to say I was working myself. I had so much work to do. I came through life with a U haul as I just unpacked everything that had happened. And about the 10 year mark, I was actually picking up one of my sons at school and I heard this group of mothers like, oh, the woes of me. And I knew this group kind of well and I knew nobody was going through a terrible crisis, but it was all, you know, the woes of me. And I had this insight that if this group of people couldn't be happy, what chance did the rest of the world have? And I went home and I started going through the thousands of pages of notes that I had from numerous, like, books and workshops and coaching and all the things I had done. And I put together a four week, not knowing what I was going to do with it. And then I walked into, um, an exercise group and one of the owners said to me, you know, we're Vitality Studio, but we don't do anything for emotion, mental health. And she knew my story and she said, would you be willing to do something for us? And I was like, actually, I have this course. I've been looking for a home. So I taught the first course to eight women sitting on the floor in a yoga studio. And then for the next two years, speaking engagements, coaching, all these opportunities came up. And so I decided, what did I want to focus on? And I knew about emotional intelligence through my work and I did the research and I decided I wanted to be trained and certified specifically in emotional intelligence. And so from that class, I started getting more life coaching clients. And then I started getting requests for families who owned businesses or ran teams. Um, and just to let you know, it doesn't matter how much work you did. I thought I never had a corporate job. I never worked in that kind of business. So I should probably get an MBA to give myself credibility. So I about killed myself for 10 years, uh, for two years while I'm running a business and have a family, I got an innovation focused mba. And the truth is, Alex, nobody ever cared. Nobody ever asked me. Nobody cared. And while I learned some great things and the innovation piece helped me in my business, I see it now as it was a confidence issue. Right. I'll need this in order to get people to respect me. And there was already the respect. That's why the offers were being extended. That's why my phone was ringing. And then in these years we've built a business where, you know, I'm a professional speaker and I travel all over the country and um, I have clients who quite honestly could work with anyone in the world and they choose to work with me. So. But we all still struggle with our, uh, confidence and awareness. But I think the key to success and happiness in life, and that includes sales and anything else, is self awareness and emotional intelligence. In one word, would be awareness. And the things, the important markers for emotional intelligence, particularly around sales, is resiliency. So someone who suffers from a low marker in resiliency when they fail, which is inevitable for all of us, they generalize that into I am a failure versus someone who has a, uh, strong marker for resilience. They see it for what it is, an isolated incident where they happen to fail. But they can learn through that failure and move on, their sense of self intact. And they don't become fear resistant.

Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, wow, there's so much to unpack there. First of all, just, uh, talking about resilience. What a decision, a courageous decision you'd have to make at such a young age to say, this isn't the end of my story. Despite all of the truths around you or the so called truths that were actually just, uh, other people's, uh, image of what, you know, life was for them. They were projecting their life onto you right at a young age to say, I'm going to question something. You didn't even have maybe the tools around you to do it. But, um, do you credit anything for that change or just I was surviving, like this was like a survival mechanism for me to go out and find something Else or do you ever look back and how did I change within myself? How did I make that change? Because so many other people would be content and maybe even happy living in a situation in rural poverty if they just had the right family around them, loving them and things like that. Like the money wasn't necessarily the key to happiness, but for you, maybe there were just. Do you feel like that you were in search for that emotional connection and that's what made the change? What do you. I, uh, always like to know, like, what do you think was there, like a moment that was the catalyst for your change? Or have you ever thought about that over the years?

Speaker B: Oh, absolutely. Because the change was not immediate. I remember, um, there's this street in the city, uh, Fifth Avenue. And I remember driving down Fifth Avenue, or my mom driving me and seeing these universities and these beautiful. It's referred to as mansion row, right? And I remember driving down feeling like, you know, there's something wrong with me. I'm stupid. That's why I have to go and have these tests. And then I get this diagnosis. And he's telling me, you know, a neurologist is telling me, you're actually smart. And so, and you got a lot going on here for you. And I remember the drive back up Fifth Avenue and thinking, oh, my God. My, uh, my perception of myself had changed and the fact that I became a little bit proud of myself. But as I said earlier, I thought, well, it's too late. I'm a junior in high school. That ship has sailed. And I got a. You know, I was really molded into that. I remember we used to call it junior high, and it was eighth grade, but ninth grade. And you were preparing your schedule for high school. And I knew that to go to college you'd have to have a language. So I actually signed up for French and the guidance counselor called me in and said, I see that you signed up for French. That's not going to be a possibility. And I said, well, to go to college, you need a language, so should I switch to Spanish? And he looked at me and I quote, and he said, honey, you're not going to college. And so that had a huge impact on me for years. So my journey was a slower path. I met someone in my life who was very instrumental. And I'll never forget all the. Everyone was a little bit older than me. And so sitting at a dining room table where they had china and crystal and people owned a business, right? And they had wall to wall carpeting and people were an attorney. So the only college educated people I knew growing up were my teachers and the guy who owned the pharmacy, right. So this was a whole new world. And I remember thinking, I had this perception that if you were successful in your career, you had it all figured out. And I remember sitting there thinking, these people don't. I can't believe she said that. Or I can't believe they believe that. So I had enough self awareness to realize these people don't have it all together. Right. They're not necessarily happy. And so for me it was a slow roll because I didn't get the opportunity to go to college until I was uh, 24. Again, it was other people who encouraged me and it felt like such a risk. So my first day of college was the first day of kindergarten for my son. And I was a single parent who still saw myself of, you know, I don't know if I can do it, but people encouraged me. And there's this beautiful driveway up to Chatham University. And I remember thinking the whole first semester they're going to realize they made a mistake. I'm going to get called to the registrar's office and tell me that they made a mistake and that I have to leave. And that was a true fear that I had. So when they didn't ask me to leave after the first semester, right. I thought, okay, they're gonna let me stay. And I graduated in the four years with Bs and Cs. But I graduated and I was the first one. And then I settled into this life right. Where you know, a lot of what I heard growing up is people like us, people like don't us don't know the right people.

Speaker A: Right.

Speaker B: We don't have. Life is hard, money is a struggle. And so life was a little bit easier. And I realized I was doing those things. And it wasn't until that day when I saw the book about the Silva Method and I started that journey that created the huge ships for me because my personal journey became my full time job. And I still never saw myself in that career. I could never be the genie, right, who taught the Silva Method. But then, you know, as time unfolded and then seeing this, hearing this conversation with those other mothers, I was like, wow, again. Like I did when I was younger and having dinner with these people who didn't have it all figured out. Now all these people aren't happy and I wasn't very happy. Right. So that started the journey.

Speaker A: Yeah, uh, I mean I hear a lot of like your success was really emotional self management and self care, like really going deep on yourself. And like, you said, like, at the very beginning, I think, you know, one word, emotional intelligence is just awareness. Awareness of yourself, awareness of people around you, of, like, what different cues. So I'm curious, like, just to shift this into how you can create change with others and yourself. Because at the end of the day, sales is service. It's in leading others and serving others. And sometimes that's yourself, um, recognizing those cues where people feel emotionally connected. And maybe you connected to those women, you know, in that first meeting on the yoga mat where they were like, I would pay for this. Right? A lot of people have great ideas, but those ideas don't ever get paid for and people don't gravitate to them, Right? And so you have to be a special type of person to get people to buy into your ideas. So if you were talking to yourself, if you could look at yourself in that yoga studio, what do you think was, uh, successful in connecting with those mothers? And is that similar to what you do today when you have a first call with a client? Talk to me about how you think those connections are bonded quickly. So for people that are, like, trying to create influence in any part of their life, whether you're selling something as a rep or you're a business owner trying to create influence, how do we create those connections? What are some of those things that you think you did, if you could look back that made you successful and make you successful today around emotional intelligence?

Speaker B: That's really a powerful question. So when we talk about emotional intelligence or eq, right? It's about awareness, but it's the awareness of understanding why you feel the way you feel and why you're doing what you're doing, but also understanding that about others, oftentimes when they themselves don't know. Now, that's not something to exploit, right? But it's a way to connect with people. So, for example, procrastination, I will have clients or organizations reach out and say, oh, this person needs time management skills. Well, I always know it's about, not about time management skills. Procrastination is the coping with the feeling that I might fail. So behaviors, I, uh, like to say there are no problem behaviors, but there certainly are behaviors that are a problem. So, uh, when we're looking to make a change, people typically focus on the behavior. Stop doing this, start doing more of this. Do it differently. Where it's a coping mechanism, behaviors, problem behaviors are always a, uh, coping mechanism or a consequence of what you don't know that you don't Know, so if you're procrastinating, you're afraid to fail. Right. And so if someone else is procrastinating, understand they're afraid to fail. Right. Looking for the signs of someone who's afraid to make a decision because they see failure of, uh, I will be a failure instead of, it may be a failure, but it doesn't have to define me. Right. Understanding if someone else. Not so much in businesses, because typically you're talking to the person who's making the decision. Maybe, but sometimes, particularly in family businesses or when you're doing life coaching, someone needs to check. Unfortunately, I see this a lot with women. I'll be on a conversation with them and they'll say, this is exactly what I need. Right. I'm depressed, I can't get out of bed. I'm an anxious mess. These are the tools I need. Let me talk to my husband. Right? Husbands, uh, don't do that nearly as much as wives do that. So. Or even like, I have to talk to my dad. And it's not about the money. It's about believing that I need to be validated and it needs to be okay with someone else to take care of myself. And so when you understand people and why they're doing what they're doing or why they're feeling that you can help them move through that even when they don't understand it themselves. So bringing awareness to them and then helping them work through that, even just in a 30 minute discovery call.

Speaker A: You know, I liked how you said everything. It's not like problem behaviors, but there are behaviors that are a problem. You know, it's easy to focus on the behavior and, but not the underlying issue. Sometimes people don't like that though. They get defensive. I like the title of your book. You don't need a therapist or something. You need change. If I don't know you, I just met you, Monique, and all of a sudden you put a mirror up to me at, uh, my deepest issues. Failure or not being liked or belonging or whatever. I might be like, whoa, I don't even know you. Who are you? I don't even want to face that myself. How do you communicate in a way that is not too threatening to people to make them aware of something that might be underlying an issue? Because I could see a lot of people going, it's not that. No, it's not failure. It is about time management or whatever it is. Walk me through maybe how you've been able to do that with clients when maybe they've resisted that type of, uh, discussion.

Speaker B: You ask questions. You don't tell them. You ask questions. So if someone's having an issue with procrastination at work, in my work, I'm always looking for changes. So when you have behavior changes or you have something going on, why is the change happening? So if you don't procrastinate in your personal life, right? Uh, or you don't procrastinate with your signing your kid up for soccer, right. And you do other things timely, but you're procrastinating at work, that's a change in behavior. So asking someone, for example, oh, is this something that's pervasive in your life?

Speaker A: Right.

Speaker B: If they have an anger management issue, Right. Uh, does this affect you in every area of your life, or is it maybe just with your family, but you don't have that issue at work, or you don't have that issue with friends or being late? I worked with someone one time who was always late, like, a hundred percent of the time. So much so that, like, her husband would not go anywhere with her. They always came in two cars. And she didn't know why she was late, and she thought she was just scheduling too many things, for example. And it turned out that as a young woman, her father, whom she was very close to, she was a daddy's girl. Her father was dying. He was in hospice. And they said it should be, you know, a couple of hours. It turned out being two days. And she was bedside with him and the rest of the family at 14 years old. And so she internalized the lesson that it's painful to wait. So she never waited because she was always the person who was last, and that affected her. She came to me through her organization, who saw her as high potential. But this is a problem, and it was pervasive in every area of her life. And so searching what that was, she had no idea that that's why she was late. She just thought she took too many things on in life and wasn't good with time. So I was able to understand, even initially, that there's something going on here versus someone who maybe only procrastinates at work. That's a fear of failure.

Speaker A: Yeah, M. Interesting. It's probing. It's asking a question like, is it this or that? Like, where does this show up for you? What is this? Like, give me more specifics, right? It's not just one thing. And as you peel the onion, um, people will say certain things. And so what I'm hearing is this, or tell me if I'm on the mark here. Am I close here? Almost Prefacing it with it seems like something's going on here and maybe I'm asking questions to, to really understand it. Tell me a little bit about. For people that are like maybe, uh, they're trying to make use of some of these emotionally intelligent cues in a sales process. Talk to me about how people sell things to you that come across as maybe pressuring or not emotionally intelligent and ways that people have, uh, come to you in an emotionally intelligent way. How can you spot the difference? And um, what's it look like when people are successful in this area when they sell things to you?

Speaker B: Well, if someone is pressuring, right. Or hounding me, then I'm not going to work with them. And I'm very transparent. You know, I, uh, I need to think about this in business. Olivia, who is my assistant and she runs the business while I do the coaching. Like I'm going to talk about this with Olivia. I need to think about this, do research. If you continue to hound me, then I see that as you're just trying to sell to me. I will say, you know, we're going to do the research, we're going to talk about it. I will reach out to you if we are interested and if you respect that M. We often do reach back out and say we're interested in that. Or if it's something where we're texting back and forth, I'll be transparent and say, you know, thank you for explaining spending the time with me, but this isn't something that's going to work if someone is overly stats oriented. Right. Just the facts. Just the facts. To me, they're just trying to sell me something. But if it's about a conversation, right. And people feel authentic and they're willing to take no graciously or take, you know, we'll do some research and we'll get back to you graciously. I, uh, if we can use that product or service, I'm going to go with that person. So if we're getting, you know, we're researching three people or three organizations, if you're trying to directly sell to me, that's the kiss of death. If you're looking to relate with me. Right. Then that is something that is going to increase the chances that we go

Speaker A: with you as a vendor and relate to you. Looks like what. How does that show up? Uh, can you think of somebody recently where you purchased something from them or vendor over the last few years where they related to you in a way and you're like, you know what, uh, maybe it wasn't even the best, like the cheapest product or the, maybe it was the most expensive product, but you bought it because of the experience.

Speaker B: Well, the brain works in stories and pictures. So the more you can give me like good examples of how this work, how it's going to make life easier, whether it's because it's the technology or whatever that's going to be. I mean, if you think about TED talks, almost everyone has seen a TED Talk, right? Sometimes they take very complicated things, ideas or things that they do and they can create a story that you not only understand it, but you might listen to something that you wouldn't ordinarily listen to. For example, I am not a math person and I recently watched a TED talk on the beauty of math and I would never have watched it if they would have said, this is how math works. So when someone creates a story through examples and they're focused on how it would help me or add value to me, then that's a winner if that's a service we can use. And you're right, it's not always based on price. If we can build a relationship with someone and they can explain that to us and we feel like we have a connection. So. So that after the sale or as we're moving through the process, we're going to be able to go back and talk to this person and they're either going to help or send us to the right place. And I feel confident in that. You know, that's a big thing.

Speaker A: Yeah. What advice do you have? I always think there's people listening to this that, you know, maybe like they don't have a quota, like they're trying, or maybe they're even later on their careers and they're like, you know what, I just haven't just sat down and focused on these skills for myself. Right. Like yes, of course you need to have active listening and yes, you need to be, uh, curious and you need to work on self awareness in yourself. And like these are just things that people go, yeah, I know, I know those things. But then we don't focus on them. And then I feel like we're in an age where it's so much easier to go on ChatGPT or some AI assistant, right. And just ask a question from versus asking a human being or connecting with a person. So in the age that we're in, what are some tangible, just tactical things that we can do to focus on emotional intelligence in ourselves and with others? What should Someone listen to this. Just go and do to get better and strengthen a muscle. Because I think this is a muscle that without working it atrophies. Right? Right. Like if you're not working with coach Monique. Right. If you're not working with your fitness instructor, if you're not going to the gym, you can't just magically lose weight or uh, be a, uh, star athlete. Right. We can always want things, but wanting is not enough. We need action. So what can people do after listening to this if they want to get stronger with emotional intelligence and specifically emotional

Speaker B: intelligence and sales, you think, well, lifelong learning, right? Because it gives you different perspectives even on something you've been selling for a long time. I can't say I'm anti chatgpt. Of course we use it, but we use it more to give us ideas or inspiration. The brain loves novelty. So when you do something yourself, think about when you ask someone a question and they just give you the answer, you have the answer to your question, but. But you're less likely to have learned other related information. Right. If you go and you're researching something, almost everyone admits that they find out something else. Oh, I didn't know that. I didn't realize that. It raises another question. And that's part of the lifelong learning as far as the self awareness, being able to relax into yourself. Right. And I call this, you know, the mind body connection. Release, relax and let go. So just even keying into your body. Americans have relatively low body awareness. We think about our body when it doesn't look the way we think it should. It's creating pain or it's not performing the way we think it should. So even just taking a few deep breaths, sinking into your body and keying into your breath as you breathe in and you breathe out, that puts you in a relaxed state. And when we're more relaxed, we're more intuitive, referring back, you know, reflecting back to how far you've come in your career. We tend to, when we're successful and we move throughout our career, we just keep looking forward. But using your own history can become a powerful tool. I do this myself, right. I think about where I was just five years ago for myself, and then I look at how far I've come and that inspires confidence and excitement. The other thing that's great to do again, because the mind works in stories and pictures, the mind makes very little distinction about what's going on in real time and what's being vividly recalled. So if you think about a painful memory, you start to feel that way. Excuse me. So taking that tool of if about a time when you were successful, when you hit a goal, right? Whether that's closing a big deal, walking across the stage to accept your diploma, engaging as many parts of, uh, your physical senses as possible. What did it look like? What did it sound like? What did it feel like on your body? Right. So was there a breeze in the air? Right. Was it chilly? Because the air conditioning was on? How it made you feel inside? Did you have butterflies? An accelerated pulse? Whatever it is, you're taking your mind back to that, and you can capture that as a tool to be that way in the present. And that totally shifts your energy and it motivates you and excites you. And when you're in that space, you also become more intuitive. New ideas, and you're reflecting on how you're helping people. You're providing a service to them. You're not selling to them. And that can really inspire you. And looking at things different. So change the narrative with yourself. Look at alternatives. And that is a way to stay fresh and intuitive and relaxed and motivating.

Speaker A: Love it. Yeah, I mean, I always think, like, maybe it's just a name or it's just, um, we say, well, you're not really selling. I like to think you're not hard selling. You're not pressuring them. You are collaborating. You're connecting. You're influencing through the power of your thoughts, your imagination, your human skills, the way that you connect and communicate. And that is sales. It's just a part of sales, uh, that people maybe don't see. They have stereotypes and they don't associate it with. But I loved, uh, what you just said about connecting to your past self. And we always think about where we're going and where we're headed. Oh, we don't want to look behind us. We want to look ahead. But it's not looking behind you to do what you just said. It's connecting to the person you were and what you've learned along the way and how you've transformed and how you've. It's not losing sight of the road, the journey that you've caused. Because if you can't connect to that, then how do you become something different? How do you use that to keep you propelled forward? I know we're kind of closing in. Um, I've just so enjoyed talking to you. Your story is so remarkable. I'm curious. Like, Monique, if just to connect to you, to bring it all around, I always ask, uh, uh, a guest this signature question, and it's around just a fun question about you. Just because I think the essence of what makes people great at sales is that we can all do it differently. We can all use ourselves like no one else can. We have a tool that no one else does. Our essence, our soul, um, our experiences, our life experiences. And so that all informs how we can connect to others. So to that end, if I ask people that are closest to you, maybe these are your closest friends, your family, maybe people you've worked closely with. If I asked, uh, the people around you, what is just something that is totally Monique, maybe it's something that's happened to you, but what is something that would only and could only happen to you or that only Monique would do, and that is just so totally you. What would they, uh, tell me about you?

Speaker B: Well, I hear this a lot. You're better than you think you are.

Speaker A: Oh, really? Say more. Tell me more about that.

Speaker B: Right. Because we're always going on the journey. And as we make change, that doesn't mean that some of the old fears or the old thoughts don't stay with us. Right? The thoughts and the beliefs that stay with us or anything. Right. Or those that you emotionally attach to. The Average person's having 65,000 thoughts a day. We're not connecting with the vast majority of them, right. We're not even aware of them. But they're like gravity. It doesn't matter if you're aware of them, you're going to be impacted by them. And so there are still times I'm human, right, That I struggle with self doubt or I think about, you know, I can slip into perfectionism. And the perfectionism came from the insecurity of not being enough. M. And so it's flattering, right? But it also brings me back to, right. There's always more to do. For me, personal development, emotional intelligence is something that I will work on until the day I die. It's lifelong learning. So that is something that I think is, you know, I don't think I know is still there for me. And my husband, who has since passed, he was with GE and he did, you know, he ran HR and he had a lot of training as far as his whole career. GE did huge investments in those things. And he said to me one day, you know, if everything had remained the same and I met you when you were graduating from college at 28, he said, I would certainly have recruited you and put you in the leadership program. And I'm not saying that because I'm your Husband. And for me, right, that was very powerful because even when I graduated from college, I did not feel overly confident to go out and have this big career. And he was always a huge supporter in my business and was my biggest, you know, my biggest fan. But also, it was wonderful in the fact that he was not afraid of constructive criticism. He was my biggest fan, but he always called me out and kept me accountable. So that is what really made me put so much focus, uh, on what he said. I believed him because he would also say, you're dead wrong. So he wasn't one of these people, like, I love you. And so everything you do is perfect, right? In business, in my personal life, as a mother, those were always things. So I, I put a lot of stock on what he said. And then other people have said that to me. I've had clients who have said that to me. But something that's super fun about me, I think that people are always in awe is I have four boys. The, um, the younger two are twins. The oldest one is 42. The second one is 31, and the twins just turned 24. So I have raised children through two generations. So what Gen Z is facing right now in the, you know, in the workforce and this tough job market and the fact that so many employers are saying what they want for Gen Z is emotional intelligence training. That's why we started EQYs, in addition to the coaching to help young professionals in what hiring managers are saying that they need, that they're looking for, to hire them. And, you know, the twins, for example, and my assistant Olivia, they are Gen Z. And so getting from that perspective, I had the, um, experience and the expertise, but working with them, which was one of the most exciting things I've done in my career, I learned a lot, right? And it kept me out of the weeds. Gen Z does not want to hear it in the same way millennials did. Right. They're not going to sit and listen to you talk about a topic for 10 minutes. They want working knowledge, right? How can you help deliver it to them in the way that they are best able to receive it? Because you always have to meet people where they are.

Speaker A: Yeah, well said. I think, uh, you've had a lot of supporters and for good reason. I'm hoping when you hear that, it gives you, okay, maybe I am better than I think I am. And let me unpack and find out. Okay, yes, it's still there. It's not going to go away, but maybe I can raise that level of where I think I am. Every year, even if it's slightly where I think I am this year, how can I ask myself the right questions of what can I do to maybe move closer to where I deserve to be? Right? Like, you know, in terms of my self worth and confidence. I don't know if that's what you do or not, but, um, no, it's, uh, such a great story and, um, I hope this isn't our last conversation and I will be connected to what you do, but where can we send people, uh, to you and uh, how can people learn more about you?

Speaker B: Monique, I'll be happy to share that in a moment, but I want to circle back. The vast majority of people are better than they think they are. I'm not special in that. I've just been made more aware of that because of support and the work that I've done. But for the vast majority of people, they are so much better than they think they are. And so if I can do it, other people can do it. It's having the tools, the awareness and the tools and the understanding.

Speaker A: That's well said, I think. Ah, a lot of people maybe, uh, when we achieve things or we get to a certain place, we're like, that's all I need. You know, I'm good. Like, I don't. What more would I really want? Like, I have a great family. Like, I'm m making good money, like I'm in a house or something that like, my parents would have loved to have been in this situation. Right? And so again, we like, defend all that. Like, but we, but we lose sight of like, the potential, right? Like, of, you know, hey, like, if we have that potential, it's up to us to have the tools. Like, whether it's other people encouraging us through saying, hey, you could do this, you're talented, I have somebody, uh, you're making me think of a friend who. I'm learning guitar. I've been learning for three or four years. I can play a few songs. But I have a friend who's amazing, uh, has his own songs and plays on Spotify, plays out even. And I'm like, you could be on the radio. You could be doing all these things. And I'm like, He's like, ah, ah, nah, I'm not that good. You don't know you're better than you think you are. Even that. Even famous people, Famous people, like, could, you know, everyone, everyone struggles with it. No matter how far you get in life. Um, it's just, yeah, like, I very well saw having the tools to do something with it. And the desire, frankly, to do something about it is the difference in success? Uh, I think so. I don't know what you think about that.

Speaker B: Well, when I work with celebrities and people who are at the top of their field, right, Professional athletes, celebrities, people who have done what the rest of us say are amazing things, right? Um, you see a lot of imposter syndrome people don't, you know, they think they just got lucky or. If you really knew me, you'd know I'm not as great as you think. So it. There is no marker for most people. So getting on the stage or hitting your mark of maybe financial or social status or whatever, oftentimes their struggle is a little bit more difficult because they got to walk out on stage or they're expected to win that tournament thinking, I'm not as good as people think.

Speaker A: Yeah, Well, I know we're, we're kind of coming towards the end here. Quick, uh, you know, promo on you. What, uh, can people do to. To learn more about you and, and, uh, emotional intelligence and get better with EQ?

Speaker B: Well, because we have the two businesses now, you can go to coachmonique.com which the focus is on the coaching, the life coaching, executive coaching, leadership coaching, and then the site for the, for the web. The website for the online courses is eqwise.com and that's wise with a Z. And because we're thrilled to be here, Those courses are 15% off for your listeners with the code sell all in caps S, E, L L all in caption, get 15% off. Those courses are designed to give you working knowledge in specific places. Because they're internationally accredited, they're meant to be listed on your resume. We say we are to soft skills what Microsoft and Google are to hard skills. And employers are looking for these. So business etiquette, critical thinking, emotional intelligence. So that's where you can find us. And we have, you know, over 20 years experience. So for most people, myself included, a little more emotional intelligence or EQ training is always a good thing.

Speaker A: I love it. Same here. Well, Coach Monique, thank you, thank you, thank you for jumping on today. I've really, really enjoyed the conversation, learned a ton from you. I really appreciate you for reaching out.

Speaker B: Well, thank you for having me. This has been fun. And I do a lot of these. They're not always as fun and relaxed. Right. So thanks for having me.

Speaker A: That means a lot. Thank you so much.

Speaker B: Have a great day.

Speaker A: Hey, gang. All right. Wow, you made it to the end. I know your time is valuable, so thank you from the bottom of my heart for spending your time here with me. If you heard a quote you liked, got a quick bit of value, or you have an idea that can help convince others to join, I urge you to take a minute and leave a five star rating and review that helps us gain influence and bring some really great guests on to add even more value to you and others. You can also always contact me directly and tell me you your thoughts. I'd love to hear from you. All my info is in the notes. Let's help convince anyone that they have the ability to sell well just by being great humans. And this podcast is proof. All right, see you on the next episode of Stories of Selling Human.