Episode 323 Spy Smarts: How to Lead and Communicate Like an Intelligence Pro with Don Weber (Part 1)

Speaker A: Hi, this is John Hewland's Relationship and Revenue podcast, and I'm Don Weber, a former intelligence operative. I used to work overseas collecting your secrets and everybody's secrets. And, ah, now I've converted into a corporate trainer. I've been training, um, corporate leaders at Fortune 1000 companies, including political leaders and people that work in public office for about the last 15 years over in Europe.

Speaker B: Life is all about relationships, and great leaders heavily invest in those relationships. On the Relationships and Revenue Podcast, we talk about how to improve our most significant relationships at home so we can be better in our business relationships. We talk with experts from all over the world, representing many disciplines, about the best tips and strategies to become amazing people and amazing leaders. Welcome to the show. Welcome back, everyone, to the Relationships and Revenue podcast. This is your host, John Hulen. As always, thrilled to have each and every one of you with me. And as you heard from that fantastic introduction, I have the one and only Don Weber with me today. Don, how are you?

Speaker A: Great. Thanks for having me on, John.

Speaker B: You bet, you bet. So if you guys are not familiar with Don, uh, he mentioned some of what he's done in the past. He is a. In. Was an international information gatherer in multiple countries. Don, the research I did, I want to make sure I got this right. You had some sort of influence within 90 or more countries, is that right?

Speaker A: No, that's not quite accurate. I traveled more than 90 countries. Gotcha. That doesn't mean I was, like, doing operations in 90 different countries. No, that would be, uh, huge exaggeration even. Even for me. Even for me.

Speaker B: Uh, but you still traveled to more than 90 countries. That's a lot.

Speaker A: Yeah, it's a few. Huh? Um, it's a bit.

Speaker B: Yeah, that, that's, uh. You racked up some frequent, uh, flyers.

Speaker A: Big time. I flew for free for quite a while after all that. Yeah, for sure, for sure.

Speaker B: I bet you did.

Speaker A: No, and a lot of that was related because I worked, um, as a diamond broker during that pre. In parallel at the same time. So a lot of that was related to purchasing rough diamonds abroad. Um, and then the other part, of course, was maybe meeting different contacts in different parts of the world. Um, so basically those two things, I didn't travel too much for pleasure back then because I used to travel so much. It's like when I could not travel, was kind of nice to just stay

Speaker B: at home, I bet. I bet now home for you right now is California, correct?

Speaker A: Well, I live in Europe and I'll be heading back, uh, shortly. Um, the Deal is my, my parents are elderly, my mom has some health issues. So I'm, I've been sitting with my parents for the last few months to kind of help out with things that need to be dealt with here. But um, I have to go back to Europe for a while because I have some pending work I have to take care of and then I'll be coming back. So I'm doing, trying to do a hybrid half and half kind of thing at this point.

Speaker B: Wow.

Speaker A: In my life. So.

Speaker B: Yeah, man. Well, what a great son you are.

Speaker A: I don't know about that. But anyway, if you ask my mom, she says I was a bad boy.

Speaker B: Well, perhaps you're making up for it now.

Speaker A: There you go. There you go. Making up for old sins.

Speaker B: There you go, you go. But that was your former life. And now essentially you coach and train leaders.

Speaker A: That's right.

Speaker B: Now you mentioned in the intro that you're coaching folks who are part of, you know, the Forbes 1000 kind of list places. But in addition to that, political leaders, royalty, that sort of thing. You've trained a lot of folks that do a lot of different things. But if you started mentioning some names, we'd all be like, yep, yep. Know who all those people are, I'm sure.

Speaker A: Probably, um, I mean if we're, if the, if it's an American audience, they may not know a lot of the names. But yeah, we're definitely talking about, you know, high court justices, like our Supreme Court type thing or members, uh, of the European Parliament, national members of parliament, prime minister's offices, which would be like president's offices. Is people pretty high level. I mean, I didn't start working those people immediately, but it was always related. It's been always related to uh, communications, um, related training and stuff like that. And there's a lot, uh, to learn, especially in advanced, um, communications training. There's a lot of subliminal non verbal things. When I say non verbal, I'm not talking about words, I'm talking about. It could be in the tonality. But there's a way you can, there's a lot more to communication than just the words you say, how you deliver them. Um, uh, we just had a great thing that came out. We had a, uh, representative in the US saying something that had double meanings. You know, there's all kinds of ways that we can communicate to people. Um, so I get involved with that and then usually the Fortune 1000, the CEO of the C Suite, people, usually those are individual trainings. So it's more than really I Use coaching as a tool within the toolbag. Um, but it's usually training, so it's usually, let's say I kind of, you could say, like I'm a troubleshooter. M. You've got an executive, he's got a strategy, he's got a framework he wants to roll out and he's having issues with his team to get them to, to buy into the idea. That's not an uncommon thing. So. And not maybe, maybe the first level, see the rest of C suite buys in, but it's maybe it's the next level, the director level and male middle managers just finding ways to be able to deliver those messages so that it's not just palatable for people, but they get inspired and they're like excited about doing that. And M. Recently I've been working more with smaller companies, uh, private equity type companies because they tend to scale really quickly and they're always trying to roll out big changes really quickly. Mhm. So uh, there seems to be more activity in that area at the moment.

Speaker B: Gotcha. Okay. One of the things that I like to do when I have guests on is to have them, or in this case to have you go back in time a little bit and to think back. How did you get your start and what led you to where you are today? Now I understand, of course there are specifics you can't get into because of what you used to do. And so I'm not asking for that, but how did you even get into it?

Speaker A: That's a great story. They'll take up the whole podcast, but it's a good enough story. That might be worth it. Uh, I graduated university, I went to school in the Midwest. I went to actually very, I was very lucky. I had a good education. So I had like, um, Harvard professors and like we had this ex CEO of Citibank coming in, give us a course. You know, like really was high end, high end training. Um, and I worked in the, in the financial sector for a while and I really enjoyed that. But the company got sold off and there were some changes and whatnot and I ended up going back to Europe where I'd always really had enjoyed being. And while I was in Europe, um, a friend of mine, a befriended this guy from Canada. Well, I think he's from Canada this day I'll never know. Um, I can tell you a lot of stories about this guy. But anyway, so I befriended him and he suggested, hey, why don't you get in the, in the rough diamond business? There's a lot of Money to be made. And this would have been the middle to late 90s. So I started going up to Antwerp, studying the diamond trade, learning, um, how to certify, uh, diamonds, how to classify diamonds. Diamonds and emeralds is what I specialized in. Uh, and that's a period. This took me about a year. Um, I could. The next step would have been maybe getting the diamond cutting or diamond, uh, splicing and all that. I did. Didn't go into that, but I did with the diamond grading. And then I started making trips into Africa and to Brazil through contacts I made in Europe to go buy stones. And some at some of the businesses worked out. The trips worked out, really, really were very, very profitable, especially the first ones. And then I learned, you know, the school of hard knocks. I got burnt a few times as well, as we all do. Um, but it was a learning process. Then we had the 911 thing happen. And, uh, this Canadian friend of mine is what I'm saying. He used to go to Africa and do these, like, really. He was always on these weird trips. And I told him at one point, I said, you know, there's something odd about you and your lifestyle and your work and stuff like that. He didn't. He didn't acknowledge one way or the other. But he did invite me later on. He goes, would you like to join, uh, me for lunch with the French, uh, consulate down in Southern Spain? Oh, yeah, sure. Cool. Why not? You know? Could be interesting, right? No, I really. I had no idea. Nothing. So I got there, we had lunch. At the end of the lunch, he mentioned that he, uh, had a friend that worked at the American, uh, embassy in Paris. Gave me the name and said, I think this guy would really like to speak with you. And I think you guys could really get along. So now I knew there was some kind of economic or business opportunity, but I didn't know exactly what was on offer. Um, um, then they put me through a series of tests. Actually, the French did. It was, uh, the. I can say this. It was called the dgse, which is the Director General of Security Exterior. Exterior, which is the French, uh, equivalent of mi6.m i6, for example, or the DGSE. They handle the exterior security for France or England. Right. And their counterpart is MI M5, which is interior. And in France it's DGSI, which is interior. Right. We don't really have that. We have CIA, we have FBI. Right. Um, anyway, so I was. They sent me through to do a series of tests. Um, and the tests were actually like real life in the field. Like, there's this place over down the road, and we suspect that they sell drugs and we need to get some of their phone numbers. So I got over there, became friends with them, and in about two weeks, I came back with a SIM card full of phone numbers. Right? And they were. Oh, that. That's pretty impressive. Without any training or whatever, Right. So what I found out anyway, long story short, then they flew me to Colombia. I met some people there at the US Embassy, and things started. And then I started getting a little bit of training about how to do things more effectively and whatnot. And what I found out is when they identified me is they. They look for certain profiles of people to do this kind of work. It's not for, like, everybody. And, uh, I guess I had the right aptitude, which is pretty creepy considering what was the kind of aptitude you have to. Have to do this kind of stuff, right? Because you need to be straight, you need to be a very good liar, and you need to be able to lie, like, on the spot. And I guess I became very apt to it. It's really weird because people now that know me say, you know, they can just read my emotions on my. I wear my emotions on my sleeve. They know what. Exactly what I'm thinking. And so I've gone from one extreme to the other. Um, it's very weird, but. And I have, like. Nowadays I have, like, this real, uh, loathing of, like, liars or people who don't tell the truth. I mean, it's. It's like, beyond normal. And I guess it's a compensation for that previous life. But anyway, that's how I got into it. And I was there through most of, uh, George Bush's, um, administration. We had a lot of successes, and again, we worked. I worked in multiple different continents. Um, saw some pretty nasty stuff. Sure. You know, death and dead children and dead people, people getting killed next to me and all, like, things that a combat soldier would see, um, that kind of stuff. Um, but most of the time, most of the work, we didn't. The difference between military, uh, usually you work in teams. And my teams were pretty loose, meaning I might be in a country on my own. M. There might be one other person there to back me up, but pretty much on my own. If I screwed up, it was on me kind of thing. So a lot of pressure, but I made sure I didn't make mistakes. I did all my homework as best as I possibly could. Had, uh, you know, had a plan B, plan C, plan D. Just in case something went wrong so I could get the hell out of the country or you know, all that kind of thing. And uh, yeah, it was an interesting, Interesting, uh, uh, life. And there is a world out there that people are not aware of that exists. Um, and even when I got out of it the first two, three years, I would still identify stuff that normal people wouldn't see. Whether I'm at an airport, on a plane. I just. It was just natural. I would just. They're small little things that people give off and say, ah, that guy's a cop. Or ah, uh, that guy, whatever.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: M. There's something. There's something off about this individual over here, you know, kind of thing. I'm not saying they're a terrorist, but.

Speaker B: Right.

Speaker A: Who knows what. Whatever the situation was. Or bringing the metro and seeing somebody. Ah, uh, they're following that guy. Check that out. Cool. You know, kind of thing. Because I could spot the. I could spot the earpiece or the behavior of the guys. Because when you follow somebody, usually follow them in teams, typically five. It's the ideal because you can put. If you got the same two people following somebody, even if you're switching turns, eventually a guy's gonna say, I've seen this guy's face like 20 times today. So that's kind of like a red flag. Right. With five people, you can keep him encircled. He's in the middle of the group. And ideally he'll never come in conference, he'll never come in contact with the people following him. And if we think that's happened, then one of the people goes off, then we bring somebody else. Suppression.

Speaker B: Gotcha.

Speaker A: Say he's not seen before and do it, you know, couples, sometimes a couple making out. Ah, uh, it could be all kind of stuff. Yeah. Oh, the grandma. I'm dead serious about that.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: I mean, who would expect a grandma. Right? Right.

Speaker B: Yeah, I get that.

Speaker A: So young people.

Speaker B: Wow. Anyway.

Speaker A: Yeah.

Speaker B: Now, how long.

Speaker A: So then I, um, was involved in that, ah. Late. I said late. I really got involved. When? After 9, 11. But I was already doing some small stuff in the late 90s, so say like 99. And then I got out of it two years into the Obama administration. That was, uh, the Balacle.

Speaker B: Okay.

Speaker A: They just, they really. They. They completely pull. Stripped our resources, made work much more risky. I mean, life risky. And wasn't supporting people. It was just interesting. I guess they had the, uh. At that point the White House had a very different, um, philosophy and priorities over their assets that they had out in the field. It Was pretty obvious they didn't care about us. I had a meeting once with a bunch of guys, including people from Interpol were in the meeting and we all came to the same conclusions. Like we don't feel like we're getting any backup here. It's like we're just expendable. So anyway, I got out of it for. For that reason primarily. And uh, also I had some couple nasty mishaps during those last two, three years. My almost groped. I got attacked once and cracked skull. Oh wow, that was pretty good. And uh, yeah, and that time I got poisoned. So that was. That's. That cost me a month in the hospital. The one where I got my skull cracked, that was bad too. But uh, wow. I think the, the food thing was uh, uh, was the worst because they didn't know what was wrong with me. That was.

Speaker B: Oh wow. Yeah, that's never good when they can't figure it out.

Speaker A: Exactly. So about 210 I got out of that and then I took some years. I didn't really do a lot. Um, I did a little traveling maybe uh, between 210 to 213. And then I was asked to do some teaching. This is quite funny as a favor to teach some kindergarteners because a neighbor, our neighbor, had a school in a small village outside of the city I was living at in Spain. And they needed an. In a native English speaker. And they need it because their certification for their school and they're going to lose their school license. It's like whatever, big deal. Could you please just until we find somebody? I said, but man, I know nothing about teaching and let alone like kindergarteners. I mean, come give me a break. So I was there for I think about a month, something like that. And it was pretty cool. I kind of enjoyed it. And then I got a uh. There was an opportunity came shortly thereafter to teach a public speaking class for the Ministry of Agriculture in Madrid. M. And um, how that came up was kind of weird. But um, so I did that because I guess their teacher bailed or what bailed out and they need again an English speaker who had some experience about public speaking. I delivered that training was like a week. And it uh, was the people from Waste Management, ah, uh, I still remember the name of the director of Waste Management for Spain. She's one lady who organized in Spain, the first one to organize the blue containers, the green containers and the gray containers, like plastic here, a ah, paper here, glass goes here, that kind of thing. Sure, yeah. I remember telling her, oh, you got to use a little humor, you know, she's like, there's nothing funny about what I do. But, um, then. Then I got hired by IBM, uh, and I was working in some other sensitive areas, security areas. I'm sure that was some contact. I had a friendly contact help set me up on that on the backside. Um, and I ended up working for the CEO of IBM for Europe, Africa. She was head of Europe, Africa and Central, uh, in the Middle east. Sorry. She matched 65,000 people for IBM. Wow. And, uh, then ministry. I've worked for different ministries of defense, NATO, um, doing training, and I still do that kind of work. So there is still. It's still kind of funny. There is, uh. There's kind of a line. But that's not the only thing. The only thing I do. And I really enjoy training and sharing with people. I usually don't talk to my students about my past career because most people would freak out. I used to. I used to tell people that, oh, yeah, I know a lot about body language. I found that's a bad way to make friends. Huh? That's a very bad way to think. French people get really uncomfortable real quick. They're thinking, oh, my God, this guy's like, can read through the mask.

Speaker B: So I'm curious, because one of the things I talk about a lot on the show are transitions. Because that's a commonality among everyone. Because. Hm. No one does one thing from the time they're born to the time they die. So there have to be transitions in your life somewhere.

Speaker A: Right.

Speaker B: But what differentiates people is how they deal with those transitions. So I'm curious, what was that transition like for you from the world of essentially intelligence gathering to becoming what I term a civilian?

Speaker A: Okay. There was a lot of ego issues, uh, because, I mean, definitely power is really addictive and having access to, like, secrets and you're kind of important, actually, when you're in that world. Um, you're. You're as important as the information that you have. Okay, all right. Or. Or the. Or the circles that you're managing. Circles of influence you have around the world. Managing. That's. That's where your power comes from. So having that influence at whatever is, um. It's very addictive. Very addictive. Um, and letting go of that. Yeah, there was definitely, um. Though the fact that I almost croaked a couple times, almost died a couple times really helped because it brought back the idea that I came to. I realized laying in a bed thinking, okay, I'm gonna die. I might die here. I'M probably gonna die. This was the food, the, the, the poisoning thing. And, uh, actually it wasn't food. It was, uh, it was in a beverage or something. But. And um. And it was like a slow killer. So it was just some weird stuff. But, um, I lost my train of thought. So I'm laying there thinking I'm gonna die, right? And I'm thinking, well, what's been most important to me over the years? And I say, well, really the amount of money I've been able to accumulate from the diamonds. Right. And all the chicks I've had. Because I was quite, I was quite active in that way. I like women, okay. And it went along with the world, with the work. It was quite helpful, actually, believe me. Um, it wasn't very nice. But anyway, that's what happened. And I realized, okay, so if I lose this money, right? Or if I were to lose my looks younger, I was better. I was halfway decent looking when I was younger, right. Um, I had more hair for sure.

Speaker B: Yeah, me both.

Speaker A: What, what happens to me? Who am I? So if the center of my life is my money, I lose my money. Then who am I? And then I've seen this happen with senior executives. I'm talking really like, like CEO. Ah, sorry, General manager. Uh, yeah, CEO of, uh, one of the largest banks in Europe. The eighth largest, eighth largest bank in Europe. When he retired. Because he had become his title.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: And he really went through a transition. We worked, we had been. I'd been working with him while he would been there at the bank for about two years. And I continued with him for about another two years after he terminated, after he quit. Okay. And yeah, he went through a big, A big adjustment. And I've seen that with other senior, very senior people that type, that level when they resign because they, they sort of like simulate that they are the CEO or they are, and they don't realize that's just a title that they're using or an office that they're occupying. It's not them.

Speaker B: Right.

Speaker A: And they, they get confused on them. So I think what the biggest lesson I took away from that is if I make something that I can lose the center of my life, that could be a relationship, could be a wife, could be my children, money, could be my car, could be. I don't know, I'm a bodybuilder and, uh, my muscle, whatever, right? Something I could lose physically. I'm. I'm really vulnerable to being really shooken up in a big way. But if I make something that's center of my life that's maybe a little bit more spiritual. It's kind of hard to take that away from you. And I'm not talking like in some freaky, cultish kind of way at all, but if you take something. But if you take something that's got a little bit more meaning to it, um, nothing can really take that from you. Right?

Speaker B: That's true. That's true. Why, I can. I can see what the appeal was for staying in that world once you got a taste for it. I could. I could see why you would want to stay. And giving it up, I'm sure, was very difficult to do. Um.

Speaker A: Um.

Speaker B: I'm just imagining if. If I were in your shoes, it would be hard for me to do. To give up. But, you know, again, those two, uh. I think this was the phrase you used. Brushes with death.

Speaker A: Yeah. That.

Speaker B: That made. Made the decision a little bit easier. So. So how do you go from that world to essentially becoming a trainer of CEOs, royalty, political leaders?

Speaker A: That's a great question. And. But it was kind of a natural transition. Okay. I, like. I'd like teaching, so I enjoyed teaching those kindergarteners. So I wasn't going to do become a teacher for a career. I couldn't see that happening because it was kind of like an ego thing. And the fact I was doing it as a favor, okay. So I made it easier. Um, and when I started doing the corporate training thing, I kind of enjoyed that because now here I'm the circle. I'm, um, the center of attention. All right? And these guys weren't like mega leaders. They were like middle managers. Okay. We had the director of waste management for Spain there. Okay. She's kind of important job. But, um. But yeah, now I'm in the center of attention again, aren't I? Right? And I like that. Right? So ego.

Speaker B: What. What would you say are some of the. The core things? I'm thinking about your time as an intelligence gatherer. Some of the core things you learned about people. About what. What people are like, um, what they're willing to do to preserve their way of life or what's important to them. I'm just. In general, I'm just curious what you learned about people.

Speaker A: Motivation. So my big thing, like, I'm gonna meet somebody new, right? That's important for whatever reason, Right. A lot of times I say, okay, we need you to become friends with XYZ person.

Speaker B: Right?

Speaker A: So I'd always say, before I agree to do it, I said, well, bring me a profile, bring me a file, bring Me information on the person. I need, I need to know their hobbies, what they're into, family, how many kids they have, do they cheat on their wife, do they have a drinking problem, are they into gambling, are they drugs? And then drugs. Um, I want to know about this person. What do you got? Right, so I could kind of get an idea what kind of person I'm going to be meeting in the near future. So I was always, for me, the key was always identifying that person's motivation. Okay. Uh, and motivation's deep. It's not necessarily money. Okay, fine. The person's motivated by money, I get that. But the motivations run deeper than that.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: Right. So identify. If I can, I, uh, get the guy's motivation. That makes it a lot easier for me to be able to kind of fit in. Makes it easier for me to persuade or to influence or manipulate that person and to take him in a certain direction. It's not the same. Let's say a guy who's overseas, whose child is ill and can't get the proper medical care. Right?

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: And maybe I can help him with that. That's not the same as maybe the guy who just wants money. And he wants money because he probably wants to get laid a bunch. And I don't know what he wants money for, but he wants a bunch of money, right?

Speaker B: Sure.

Speaker A: Very, very different animals, very different people. The motivation, okay, but, but you know what the motivation is? Probably the guy who wants his kid is going to be a lot more loyal to you, a lot more faithful to you. And probably you probably can trust a little bit. Mhm. Probably the other one, he's just whoever's the highest bidder.

Speaker B: Yeah, I, I like to say it this way. Um, in, in business, I've uh, said this for many, many years. And when, when other entrepreneurs, when they can grab a hold of this, it, it changes the way you do business. If the reason someone comes to you is because of price, that's the exact reason they're going to leave you.

Speaker A: Makes complete sense. There has to be more.

Speaker B: There has to be a relationship there.

Speaker A: Exactly. And that relationship is built on trust.

Speaker B: Absolutely.

Speaker A: And I can say in the work, John, that I worked in, it happened, uh, several times actually. I would. Because these relationships a lot of times are gone for years.

Speaker B: Mhm.

Speaker A: And this guy, I would use easy. An easy one. Let's say Venezuela maybe he's works in Venezuelan government and we've developed, become friends. I spent Christmas with him and his kids and his wife. And yeah, you go to that Extreme sometimes.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: That's a real story, brother. And you get to know and then you discover something bad is going to happen to this person. Uh, now by profession, I can't say anything.

Speaker B: Oh, man.

Speaker A: Facts. It really does. And that happened a few times. Uh, it could be. I mean, it could be like they're going to go to prison or, or whatever. Um, that would be maybe the least bad situation. But, um, well, maybe depending where they're going to go to prison, I guess. Um, but that kind of stuff would come off and that sucks. But usually relationships are pretty much based on, um, not all of them. Some of them were based on. There was a certain amount of. There was trust, definitely them trusting me and then knowing as little about me as possible.

Speaker B: Right, right.

Speaker A: That was kind of a weird exchange, the relationship.

Speaker B: But it, it probably didn't seem very reciprocal, I'm sure. Well, I mean, it wasn't reciprocal, but maybe they felt like it was.

Speaker A: Yeah. Their perception, I think, or they hadn't thought about it. I was giving them enough of what they wanted that they were going to keep coming back for more. Okay, whatever that. Whatever that what that. Whatever it is that they wanted. Right, sure. Um, so they were hooked on that. So that was kind of like my, like a drug dealer, I guess, in a way.

Speaker B: Um, yeah.

Speaker A: Emotional. It could be kind of thing, you know, um, given their, their fix of whatever. Um, yeah.

Speaker B: So the, the skills that you acquired as this intelligence gatherer all throughout, you know, Europe and even into to Africa and South America. What are some of the skills that you acquired that you now utilize on a regular basis?

Speaker A: Observation. Um, I watch a lot. I don't speak as much because back in the old days I could say the wrong thing, wrong thing, right. Stick my foot in my mouth. So the more information I could gather, the stronger my position would be, even. Okay, maybe I had a profile. I know a lot about this guy. Maybe had a chance to interview his ex, uh, fiance or his mistress or something. I mean, she was the one that ratted him out because she was pissed at him. That kind of stuff happens, guys. Yeah, yeah, it really, it really does. So I know a lot, let's say, and you're the target and I know lots about you. Right. I mean, I even know you happen to love wearing underwear with polka dots or whatever. Right? So I know lots of stuff about you. But still, now I, now the next step is I gotta, like, get you to trust me and to like me and all that. And one of the best ways is just to listen and of Course that uh, we may appear to have common interest, you know.

Speaker B: Right.

Speaker A: You like tennis? Me too. You're a member of that club. So am I. We should get together and go play one of these days. Oh, yeah. I don't know. That's pretty corny.

Speaker B: But anyway, I get it. I get it. Creating, uh, areas of commonality.

Speaker A: Exactly. Trying to find things and trying to make it look as natural as possible. Accidental. Maybe bump into it. Bump into your target at a restaurant. Or maybe arrange sitting to them on a flight and they happen to know, you know, they like rum and Coke. So you order rum and Cokes. Ah, cool. And yeah, we both like rum and Cokes. And start drinking up a storm on the plane. Right. So you can get that tongue and. Yeah. Get about. Hey, you know, I'm going to be going to. You live where? Oh, you live in Quito, in Ecuador, let's say. Cool. I'm going to be. Actually, I was planning to go there and visit in about two or three weeks because I've got um, a business thing I'm looking at. Yeah. Here's my card. When you come, we'll go to lunch. Oh yeah, that'd be great. And there we go. Oh yeah, that uh, kind of thing. Wow.

Speaker B: I wanna, um, I wanna read a quote of yours. And, and I want you to respond to it.

Speaker A: All right.

Speaker B: Learning how to communicate effectively is a life changer.

Speaker A: It is.

Speaker B: It's not that I don't agree with that. I do. But explain that. How is it a life changer?

Speaker A: Well, let's take it this way. If you can't communicate well, you're handicapped. Mhm. If you're trying to lead a team, you're trying to sell something, you want to work as the cashier at the local grocery store and you can't communicate, you've got a handicap. You're probably going to be doing like stocking or something because if you're not able to. Able to communicate with people, you had a huge handicap. Um, learning to listen is primary. First to understand other people. You know, trying to understand before trying to be understood. Yeah. That's why we have two ears and one mouth. Right. To listen twice as much as we speak and maybe even listen more than not. Thanks.

Speaker B: Oh yeah.

Speaker A: Um. It changes your lives in so many different levels. If you're gonna have a relate. If you're. Maybe if you're. You want a personal relationship with somebody, a partner, a new partner or whatever, you need to be able to communicate well with whoever you're going to be intimate with. And be able to express yourself in the correct way. And also know when is the time to say something, maybe not to say something. Sometimes, you know, you realize, yeah, I'd like to bring this up, but this is just not the moment.

Speaker B: Mhm.

Speaker A: Or if I bring this up, how is it going to make this person feel? And there's, I'm not talking, I'm talking small things. I'm not talking like big, you know, massive things. Or maybe it'd be why it's wise for me to bring this up in another way. And then there's other ways too to get communication around. I mean sometimes you might use a, uh, third person as a message too. Now I'm going back into the spy thing. But yeah, um, but yeah, that works too. That's not, I don't recommend not doing it in intimate relationships going through a third person. But um, yeah, there's another way sometimes to get some communication out there that you need to get the message out. Damn. Um, so yeah, I think it's um, it's human beings, we're social animals. If we can't communicate well with other people, we really limit ourselves, we handicap ourselves. It's like shooting yourself in the foot or just, just cutting off a foot. I mean, does that make a lot of sense? No, actually, you know what, it's not even a foot, a leg.

Speaker B: Okay.

Speaker A: Does that make any, that make any sense? I mean, would you do that to yourself? Most people probably wouldn't. Right, right. So not being able to communicate with people or realizing you have a communication issue and not dealing with it is almost like cutting off your own leg. I was with a young lady the other day at a, ah, cocktail party and she's very, she has social anxiety and all that stuff. And I was trying to explain to her a little bit about body language and stuff. Didn't make her feel more comfortable. You know, if you stand straight and put your feet a little bit wider apart, you'll feel a bit more confident. Man, I've taught this to like thousands of people.

Speaker B: Sure.

Speaker A: And I was looking, I go, are you even interested in what I'm saying? And she goes, no. At least she was honest. Yeah, so yeah, okay, fair enough. But I'm thinking that's really interesting. Here's somebody who really has a huge deficit in communication but has no interest either, trying to improve it.

Speaker B: So you can't help somebody like that. I mean if somebody doesn't want help and it doesn't matter what the area is, if they don't want help, there's not a thing you can do or

Speaker A: if they don't see the issue, I mean, that's one of the big things leaders have it the employee is doing something that's not working.

Speaker B: Mhm.

Speaker A: First, my first questions, you ask, is this person coachable? Because if they're not, do you actually want to invest your time and resources in trying to improve them?

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: You mean you may need to relocate them somewhere else or help them be help or help them be happier elsewhere, Right? Absolutely. An opportunity elsewhere.

Speaker B: Oh yeah.

Speaker A: Oh yeah.

Speaker B: Thanks for tuning in to part one of my conversation with Don Weber. Man, I had such a great time with Don, learning more about him and what he's done about his past and the tremendous difference that he's making in the world. You know, all these fantastic people that he has worked with and helped, you know, training royalty, CEOs, diplomats, senior leaders all over the world. This guy has done some really, really super cool things. And I am super excited to be able to share part two with you very, very soon. Be on the lookout for it. It's coming. Once again, thanks for tuning in today. We'll see you guys next time. Bye, everybody.