25: The Role of Resilience in Leadership

Speaker A: Welcome to Omnipotent Growth with kjal. I'm an acting leader for more than a decade and your leadership trainer and coach. Each week you'll hear exceptional stories and interviews as well as actionable strategies and tactics that you can implement right away. I want to thank you for spending some time to grow as a leader. Hello into another episode of Omnipotent Growth with Kao. Today's topic is the role of resilience in leadership. We are going to cover four key elements. First of all, why is it core element of emotional intelligence? Then where is the place of the empathy and resilience? The third one is crucibles of leadership. And the fourth topic is how to develop resilience, which is very important because uh, I've seen many videos, uh, and articles saying do this and that, but nobody tells you how. Uh, in practical terms. Yeah, in practical terms, how to do it. So this topic is very important for us. We are well prepared and uh, we want to give the maximum value to you in this episode. Hello Stephan.

Speaker B: Hello Karl. Hello to all of our viewers and listeners. Uh, when we spoke about emotional intelligence, uh, this was episode 18. Just as a reminder, you added to the five components of the emotional intelligence, uh, of Daniel Goleman, which were the self awareness, self management, motivation, social awareness and social skills. Another one, resilience. This is the ability to mentally or emotionally cope with a crisis or to return to pre crisis status quickly. Everyone has been through some setbacks, either personal or professional. Today's pandemic left many people without jobs. Many companies suffered financial losses. Yes, I believe building resilience has always been a permanent topic, but especially acute. Now tell me Kao, what is resilience for you? Why it is a core element of the emotional intelligence.

Speaker A: So first, to be emotionally intelligent in general, you have to be aware of your emotions. You need to understand and control in the best way possible the things, uh, that are happening here in your biochemistry, inside of your organism. So uh, we as humans have uh, the unique ability to decide how to react to a stimulus. Uh, in the book, uh, Searching for the Meaning of Life, uh, there is a concept that uh, Viktor Frankl is uh, putting uh, right there and it's one of the pillars of resilience and of stoicism. Everything can happen to you, but the way you react is up to you. Like, uh, um, 10% of everything that is around you is about uh, what are the circumstances. And 90% in your head is how you react to it or overreact. As, uh, it turns out many times and to go after that, um, I would say that um, as I said, stoicism is a good uh tool that we might want to discuss uh in this uh episode so we can find out uh, what can it bring uh, on the table and how we can um, uh live it and practice it. Because it's a practical philosophy. Many people think when you say philosophy that is something that uh, you need to sit on a chair and grab uh, your beard all day. So I don't have a beard, uh, and philosophy, uh, still works for me. The idea here is that you have small tokens of information uh, that can change your overview. So why is um so important in terms of um, uh finding your center in emotional intelligence is because it gives you perspective. Resilience is a tool and uh, it can be developed. Resilience is a mindset, uh, because if you are resilient then you're well rested, you are uh, into the things that are up to you, not into the things that are not. Like you're not giving the power uh, of uh, outside events or decisions of other people to bring you down. And most importantly you have the perspective on life itself and uh, how to take the most. Because um, in a minute I will um, say a lot more on the perspective of life. So to sum it up, if you want to um, move further into empathy, into understanding uh, the happiness itself, uh, the simplicity on those uh, matters, you first have to be resilient enough to be able to enjoy them and to be able to fully uh, understand them. Mhm, mhm, mhm.

Speaker B: Speaking of empathy, as you mentioned, um, one of the typical questions of um, executives uh interviews is tell me about the time when your team faced difficult situation and how did you handle it. Um, I'm not going to ask you this question uh, because I'm not on hr. Uh, but I guess the purpose of this question is the interviewer to understand how do you perform under pressure but also how do you treat your people in such situations. Um, even if you are tough guy yourself and carry over your team through the situation without showing an empathy towards every member's feelings and emotions, um, the team will not come out of the challenging situation stronger but are unsettled, um, distrustful, even disengaged and potentially could even fall apart. And kao, this is my uh, next question. Kao, uh, how important is um to show empathy in tough situations? Uh, uh, and here the emphasis is on tough situations because uh, when everything is calm, everyone is empathic. In good times, for me, generally bad times reveal so much More about a person, about a leader, uh, than the good ones. So back to empathy. Uh, why it is important, especially in tough situations.

Speaker A: So it's a mixture of course. Um, we cannot uh, put empathy alone to stand, uh as one single quality, uh, or one single event, uh, that uh, is um, helping and transcribing the situation. Uh, it also depends on your mindset. If it's a growth mindset, it's a big topic of ours. Uh, but when the situations are tough, if you are with growth mindset, you are not uh, uh, in fear of the challenge. You're not in fear of the obstacle. You don't fear uh, that the success of others will outshine you if the situation is tough. Because many people, uh, with the fixed mindset, many leaders think that this is uh, something that uh, might um, bring them out to the light, that they're incompetent or something like that. When you live in such fear, it's. It's never good. So it's uh. Even if. If it turns so if you are willing to learn and to develop and improve in future, then it's a totally different matter and you are totally different person. This is, this shows true, um. And to be closer uh to the question, you can be empathic with the core idea of um, putting yourself into another body, but without your qualities. You have to imagine um, their situation, their perspective, uh, their knowledge in the time and all the things that might be bothering them, that might be an obstacle to them. And then if you're a good leader, seeing all of those, you have to unlock those doors. Like uh, you have to give um, them the opportunity to relieve themselves from those fears. Like if you think that uh, something might be an obstacle, talk about it. Like when it's out, it's not inside the head. And uh, when you uh, bring out all the things that look scary, might look scary, uh, and uh, say don't worry, we are in this together. Tell me, what do you need? Like show this, the compassion. Uh, it's um, one level down to abstraction of empathy. You have to be compassionate, you have to be grateful that you have this person, uh across uh the desk. And uh, show it in a way. So this all starts with resilience, if we have to be fair. It starts with um, being able to content your own emotions because the situation might be difficult for you too. But uh, then giving that elevation to another person is even making you more uh, resilient. It's giving you more strength because you are giving to another person. You're uh, extending Yourself into another person and then your whole being is in another state. And um, you can endure a lot more because you know that you are helping. Yeah. So we can cover that. I would say that um, when it comes to people you first need to deal with um, your emotions, then with theirs and. Mhm. To be contagious you need to smile more.

Speaker B: Like everything contagious in a good sense. In the good meaning.

Speaker A: In the good meaning if we want some sort of ah, contagious environment, it should be smiling, it should be bringing nice energy to the meeting room. Bringing nice energy to the conversation. And uh, we have these mirroring neurons. When you smile you give the opportunity of a smile to others because it's a natural ah, human thing to react in the same way because we are empathic beings and this is the surface level of empathy. When they smile they do it as a reflex. But then the muscles are programmed uh, in the mind to release the same chemical reactions that would have been released in a real smile. So uh, the effect is the same in the end.

Speaker B: Yeah. So even if uh, in tough situations keep your smile because it induces chemical reactions and uh, yeah, smile.

Speaker A: Absolutely.

Speaker B: Yeah, exactly. Makes you happy. So now uh, from the smile, uh, let's go uh, south to uh, the so called crucibles of leadership. Ah. The literal definition of a uh, crucible is a ceramic or metal container in which metals or other substances might be melted down or subjected to very high temperatures. Um, however we will use the definition of Robert, uh, Thomas, uh, who is a managing director of Accenture Strategy, uh, and for him crucible uh is transformative experience through which an individual comes to a new or an altered sense of identity. Crucible is a moment when you doubt your abilities because of an adverse situation or uh, encountering some prejudices about yourself. How do you overcome uh, such situations and uh, how can you go out stronger out of them when your core values and core beliefs about yourself are shaken? How

Speaker A: so? Um, the bottom line, we start right there. So it's perspectives like I recently heard a uh, great analogy which was gratitude, um, uh, acceptance and perspective. So it's gap. I will mention another gap in a minute but uh, uh, it's easier to remember Perspective in terms of philosophy come back more than 2000 years ago like um, in times of Marcus Aurelius, uh, Seneca, Epictetus, the first toitists, uh, that are recorded in history. Um, they put it in the, in the best way possible. So when you have a crucible moment, it can either make you or break you. Right. This is the column saying. And um, there are, as we are wanting to give implementation, uh, strategies and tactics. There are ways to simply program your mind in how you want to vision a situation. And I will give an example. I have pre written a few. Mhm. So credit goes to, uh, Ryan Holiday is a stoicist author and uh, I recommend all of his books. Uh, I will mention them in a minute. But to start with those, Memento Mori, Amor Fati and Primeritatio Maorum, those are the three that I uh, want to discuss today and that I chosen as examples. Uh, but they are more that you can use as uh, as a filter, let's say. You know, Instagram is uh, quite the tool today. You can put a filter to your mind, you can put a filter to your perspective. First to start off with Memento Mori. So Memento Mori means remember that you're more mortal. This is the highest, uh, perspective that you can get in life. Whatever trouble like uh, I didn't get the promotion, uh, my business is not making enough money, uh, even the worst case scenario, I've been cut off, uh, my job or laid off. Yeah, ah, laid off. Yeah. So put it into a perspective. You're alive, you're well, you have um, the gift of today and tomorrow. You have your own abilities. Put yourself together and continue forward. There are a lot of people on this planet, uh, that started again in their 50s, 60s and they made it like they made uh, legacy. They made a history out of their names. Ah, so the greatest perspective, whatever uh, crap comes in your way, put it into this perspective and uh, decide what you can do with it. Like what is uh, the next thing that I can do with my life? Because it continues, it doesn't stop there with the loss of a, uh, promotion or um, trying to search for another job or whatever happens in uh, that scenario. Because we are thinking the leadership scenarios. So this is the worst thing that might happen. Uh, and it happens to any man in a days. Put it into a perspective. You have life now. Live it and uh, make most of it the next word. Amor fatih. So this is ah, especially a very, very powerful uh, for me, Amor Fati means be in love with your faith. Like uh, accept it on a higher level. Think of it as whatever happens to you, it happens for a reason and it happens, uh, so you can learn from it. So whatever comes in your way, the path that you are leading, uh, up until now, everything comes here with meaning. Whatever happens, it's here to build you, to make you stronger, to make you better. And to be more prepared for tomorrow. So if you have difficulties, if you have um, things that you're uncertain of, make so that you uh, dig in, find why those uh, things are coming up together. Because there is always a reason, always a meaning. You can find it depending on the person you are. You will find different answers, but there is always an answer. Things are happening. Think that those that are happening are for a, For a better reason, for a positive reason. Find out why and start. Pursue that and don't dwell on the things that happen. The third one is premeditatium aurum. And uh, it's a great one also because it gives you the perspective right beforehand when we are thinking of what can happen. Um, there are so many things that can turn wrong. Uh, and uh, I'm so afraid to start off uh, this uh, thing that I want to start off a business or um, trying for a bigger project or trying to make an impression to someone. And this uh, was written in the boats in the Middle Ages. And it said you should know and you should be aware of all the scariest things that might happen and how you can react to them. And then when you turn it into a modern age, it's uh, really not uh, so often that uh, the ship will sink and things like that will happen. And when you put it in a list, what is the worst thing that can happen? How can I react to that? And uh, what is the next step I will take after that? You relieve yourself and you break the chain out of this fear. And you know that you already have a plan, so you release it from your mind. And this credit, uh, goes to, uh, Tim Ferriss with his uh, Stoitism. He's also a big fan of Stoitism. So this technique and this tactic goes to him. And premeditatium avorum gives you another great advantage. Uh, uh, and uh, that is when you know what are the things that you fear the most. You can prepare for them if you don't put them into a list. And if you don't put them on paper, they dwell in your head and they are not formulated. They become monsters of a thought. And sometimes you create uh, such delusions that they're far more uh, scary than the real thing that can happen. And see it read them down. It's a completely other thing. Yeah, so those are, those are the applicable um, quotes coming from a lot of years throughout time and a few keys, uh, that are books exactly about resilience. Ego is the enemy, the obstacle is the way, and stillness is the key. Those are three books on stoicism. And to put it shortly because they're also the titles are actionable strategies in a way which is great, great. Uh, so credit goes to Ryan uh, Holiday. Ego is the enemy is more than obvious. To be a resilient person, you. You cannot give uh, power over people. And to give power over people means that to be afraid of anyone's hurting your ego or to have an ego per se. Like it's one thing to have self confidence. It's one thing to be uh, like uh. Aware of your abilities and uh. Uh free from the fear to practice what you want to practice best. Another thing is to have Igui to feel threatened by not performing so good by someone performing better than you. And the list goes on. The other obstacle is the way this is. First, it's a great uh, thing to think about stoicism that uh, you are not afraid of hitting the obstacle. And second is one of the core principles of growth mindset. Obstacles draw you. Like your path is through the obstacles and never around them. Uh, you know that if there is an obstacle that this is your way, your path. Because otherwise you wouldn't be an obstacle. It wouldn't be in your path m. If it wasn't meant to be there. Like uh, uh. There should be another path. And the third one, stillness is the key. This is the more um, let's say spiritual side of uh, Stoicism. And then there should be always time and place in which you just slow down. You just uh, take a minute to reflect. Uh slow is uh, safe. Safe is fast. And uh, the way you can do that is through meditation. There are so many different ways of meditation. So I've tried a lot of them. And um. I would say that uh. There is a type of meditation for any man. And um. To be still is to be clear. Like you. You want to reach that level of clarity in your mind. That level of self, uh awareness and mindfulness that uh. You can objectively look at uh, the situation. Not subjective.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: So you, you want to be outside of your physical self and be able to reflect and see objectively all the things that are happening around you.

Speaker B: Mhm. Yeah. Very, very um. Useful advices that uh, more or less cover. Um, my next questions. Uh, my next question. Um, but um. Because you. My next question was um. To give us some practical advices about how to. Resilience. Yeah, that's why uh. Do you have anything to add uh, uh. For building resilience in times of um. In daily terms, uh, like uh.

Speaker A: Uh.

Speaker B: When you Face some, uh, daily setbacks, irritating situations, um, like, for example, your budget proposal is cut off or your idea is not supported by the board. Um, situations like this, uh, where every one of us, uh, uh, falls into such situation often.

Speaker A: Yeah. So first I have few things, uh, that uh. The first one is summarizing the things that I just, uh, talked about. And uh, you can make tokens. Um, they are even on the market, uh, around Holiday in, um, Stoichism Daily, I think it was called. Uh, he think they are making tokens which have those types of quotes on them. So if you want to make it even easier, just make laminated cards with the quotes and keep um, them in a short distance. Because it sounds, uh, it sounds like, uh, almost silly that something like this can happen. But it does have. It does, uh, help. And when you just read it, remember to implement it. This is your filter. Just pick it, read it, think, um, of all the ways that you want to implement it in your life and go through the situation with that mindset. Another thing is sleep. So sleep is so important, people don't even realize how important sleep is. If you have, first you have to find your chronotype. Find your chronotype, Sleep as good as possible. Find out if you are, um, eligible for a power nap. I would say eligible because some people just cannot, uh, do this thing because, uh, it conflicts with their, uh, chronotype or others.

Speaker B: By the way, what is a chronotype?

Speaker A: So there are a few, and they are, uh, related to how you sleep. Um, this is beyond the scope of, uh, the episode because I want to talk about regenerating, um, and uh, rehabilitation in another episode. But they are, uh, a lion, a wolf, uh, a dolphin. There are certain things, certain um, variables that are differentiating them. And when you find your chronotype, you know how to implement sleep better. But if you're well rested, you had your sleep, you had your meditation, you have your fluids in you, then, uh, reacting and reflecting to tough situations becomes 80% easier because you're. You are your own self. You're made to be rested as a person, as a human. Uh, another thing is that compassion and gratitude, those two are like, so. I don't know if they're cliche, but they are so underestimated and so, uh, not so well understood. Like, uh, to have gratitude is to be using the tool that I will now mention. And the tool is called the reverse gap. The reverse gap means when you find yourself in a situation in which you say, damn it, I'm not progressing well enough this uh, didn't go as good as I expected. This might not give me the next project or the next promotion. Think of how many things you have achieved. People are always looking to the next thing, to the next goal, to the, the thinking in the future. Two years, three years, 10 years. But we do not stop to look back and to see where we were three years ago, five years ago, 10 years ago, what was different.

Speaker B: Reflect on the past.

Speaker A: How I've grown, uh, for that time, what I uh, achieved. Uh, where I'm standing now, where I was, what was I doing, what am I doing now? So those. Yeah. And um, the pure.

Speaker B: My uh.

Speaker A: I also said uh, the thing about the smile which is very uh, important uh, thing. And uh, the last one is the diversification of interest. This is my last pointer, uh, how to do it on a daily basis. Just have couple of interests like most of people have at least one more besides their daily work. Um, family, maybe family or close friends. I give uh, them um, the same circle like because if you have very close friends, they're like family to you. Uh, so think about them. Think about how they make you happy or uh, how they make you feel. Think about them how they are struggling in their life to get your mind off uh, the one thing that you're thinking the most about. Work for example. And if you have a hobby, on the other hand, if you have a sport that you're doing, then even better because the diversification gives you the ability to um, change focus. Because if something is not going uh, to good enough, but you did everything that you could do in your power. If you continue burning on this topic, it just hurts you, it just uh, harms you. The good thing about it is to when you did everything that you can switch focus like uh, in the end of the working day, just go through to another thing. Go to your yoga or to your uh, weightlifting or whatever you do. Um, go to your family. Take a minute to write in a journal. If this is your thing. Writing is also very ah, underrated. M. The more you write, the more you clear your mind. Like uh, if, if you can imagine a um, big ball of mush circling your head and then you can grab this mush and place it into a four and then it's no longer in your mind and no longer torturing you. So those are uh, things that you can do on daily basis for developing resilience.

Speaker B: Yeah. Well, a lot, a lot of uh, compelling and intriguing advices, especially in practical terms from Kao we've heard today. So final words KAO for today's episode. I think it was very useful and I hope uh, more and more people watch it because really resilience is a, ah, key component of uh, emotional intelligence and it should be developed. And uh, it's for your own good, uh, and well being.

Speaker A: Absolutely. Stef, I totally agree with you. And um, the thing is that people think that watching funny videos or scrolling on social media will help them um, somehow loosen up or detach their focus or their mind. But uh, it does have only a short term dopamine rush. And uh, afterwards it might even get worse. So for the people that are patient enough to watch uh, the whole episode, thank you. And I'm uh, sure that you are uh, going to have a lot of nuggets that you can pick in your pocket from this episode. Um, it's not by accident that we give uh, the gist of the information in the later stage of the episode because we want to uh, just grab the attention of everyone. And um, um, today are few hundred people that are watching and listening. Tomorrow it might be thousands. The real point here is that uh, we want to continue uh, exploring these topics, continue helping you be better leaders, growing leaders. And uh, it will be great if we can help each other out throughout this journey. So subscribe, uh, share our content and uh, see you next week.