133: What to Say (and What Not to Say) When Negotiating Executive Compensation

Hey Lady Leader, welcome back. Or if you're new here, I am so glad that you found us. I'm Dr. Nicole Bryan, and I am your host of the Leading Her Introvert Way podcast.

I am an executive leadership psychologist and a former Fortune 500 executive, and I've created this podcast specifically for you, the ambitious, introverted black woman who knows she's meant for more in leadership. Here we talk about getting you promoted to the executive level, growing into the leader that your title requires, and building a team that actually performs. And we do all of that without you having to shrink who you are, fake being extroverted, or work your fingers to the bone.

If any of that sounds like what you need, then stay tuned. Before we dive into today's episode, I wanted to take a moment, especially for anyone who is new here, to share exactly what we do and who we do it for. I specifically work with ambitious Black introverted women leaders at the executive and senior leadership level. And the work I do with them centers around three core problems.

Problem number one, getting you to your next executive level promotion. Because the path to the C-suite is not always clear and it is almost never handed to you. We build the strategy to get you there. Problem number two, closing the skill gap between being a strong manager and being a true executive.

Those are two different jobs, and the transition requires new capabilities, new thinking, and a new leadership identity. And problem number three is setting up your new team or department for high performance, because getting the seat is only the beginning. What you do once you're in it determines everything that comes next. If any of those three things describe where you are right now, you are exactly the right place.

Now, let's get into today's episode. You know you need to negotiate. And then the moment comes. The hiring manager or your boss says, So what are your salary expectations exactly?

And you completely freeze. Because knowing you should negotiate and knowing what to actually say are two completely different things. The wrong words can tank the negotiation before it even begins. But the right words, delivered the right way, can add tens of thousands of dollars to your compensation package.

So today I'm going to walk you through the phrases that are silently costing you money and the principles behind the language that actually works. So let's get into it. Let's start with what not to say. Because these phrases feel professional and polite, but they are quietly working against you every single time you use them.

The first one is I'm flexible. When you say this in response to a salary question, what the other person on the other side of the phone or the other side of the Zoom or the other side of the table, what they hear from you is, I'll take whatever you offer. You've literally handed over your negotiation power before the conversation even starts. Another phrase that I hear used way too often is whatever you think is fair.

Now, that may sound humble, but it is actually costly. You are asking them to determine the value of your role and your contributions. And they will. They're going to determine the value, but they're going to do it in their favor.

Not because they're necessarily malicious, but because it's in their interest to bring you in at the lowest number possible. Another phrase that I hear black women use too often when it comes to negotiating is I really need this job. Even if and when that is true, you don't have to say it out loud because negotiation is about leverage. The moment you signal any type of desperation, you lose yours.

The fourth thing that many of us as black introverted women do is we are apologizing for asking. I'm sorry, but I was hoping for more. Or I hate to ask, but you are not asking them for a favor. Okay, let's be clear about that.

You are negotiating professional terms. And there's nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, that you should be apologizing for. And in a compensation negotiation, you want to be the one holding the wheel. You don't want to give that up to anybody else.

Okay, so we just covered things that you shouldn't say. Let's talk about what actually works. Not scripts, but the principles that make the language land. I'm not going to hand you a word-for-word script today because a script written for someone else's situation is likely not going to work for yours, your industry, your organization, your level, your specific leverage.

All of that shapes what your negotiation language needs to sound like. But what I can give you today are the exact principles behind the language that works at the senior and executive level. So let's start with principle number one. Always anchor to the market, not to your feelings.

The most powerful thing you can do in a compensation conversation is remove your emotions from the equation and replace them with data. Now, I want to put a pin in this specific point because it's hard. It's not easy sometimes, particularly when your company has pissed you off when it comes to your compensation or your boss has frustrated the hell out of you when it comes to your compensation. You will have emotions, and those emotions are definitely valid.

However, you will want to check those emotions before you engage in any type of conversation or compensation negotiation, because your feelings, your emotions will cloud your judgment in that moment. So you want to remove your emotions from the equation and replace them with data. You don't want to say things like, I feel like I deserve more. Instead, you want to say something like, based on my research of market rates for this role and my specific experience and scope of responsibility, I'm looking for a package in this range.

Data is harder to argue with than feelings. So always, always lead with data. The second principle that you can use is to talk about total compensation, not just base salary. The most sophisticated negotiators don't just negotiate base salary, they look at and negotiate the entire full package.

So that includes base salary, bonus structure, equity, sign-on bonuses. Even when you move internally from one role to another in the same company, yes, sis, you can ask for a sign-on bonus. Professional development, flexibility, title, scope. When you expand the conversation beyond base salary, you create more room to win something meaningful, even if your company can't move significantly on one of the numbers.

The third principle is express enthusiasm before you make the ask. Common mistake I see is leading with the counteroffer before establishing the relationship. I know that it's easy to forget that even in this day and age, relationships are at the foundation of all business transactions and decisions. Trust me, I know it's easy to forget that, but it is absolutely, absolutely true.

And that is also true for all compensation asks and negotiations. So when I see a lady leader countering a job offer or countering a salary offer before establishing the relationship, I literally cringe because she's so focused on getting to the number that she forgets to signal that she actually wants to be there, that she actually wants the new role, that she actually wants the promotion. So before you ask for more, tell them clearly that you want the role. Tell them absolutely that you want the promotion, that you're excited about the opportunity, that you're confident that you can contribute.

Do that, then pivot to the compensation conversation. Your enthusiasm plus confidence is a very different energy than just trying to make a random demand. Principle number four that you need to know about is asking questions rather than making ultimatums. You can simply say, is there flexibility here?

That is a very different posture than I need more than this. One invites a conversation, the other creates a complete standoff. So when you frame your ask as a question, that's signaling that you are open to dialogue. But be clear about what you're looking for.

Principle number five, never, ever fill the silence. I said it in what not to say, but it deserves its own principle here. After you make the ask, stop talking. The discomfort of that silence is only temporary for you.

What you say to fill it can cost you permanently. Now, these five principles work because they shift the dynamic of the conversation from an employee hoping to be rewarded to a professional presenting a case. That shifts everything. Now, I know we've talked a lot here.

We talked about what you shouldn't say, we talked about principles that should underlie what you should say. Let me give you a simple framework to kind of hold all of this together. Something you can take with you, you will remember it, and it can get you started in your compensation negotiations. I call it the three Ps of negotiation.

The first P is prepare. Before the conversation, know your market value, know your walkaway number. Make that decision before you even have a dialogue. Understand the full landscape of what you're negotiating.

Again, not just base salary, everything should be on the table. Everything that's important to you, everything that will add up comprehensively to what you value and what you want. The second P is pivot. During the conversation, if they can't move on one element, pivot to another.

Base salary, bonus, equity, job title, start date, flexibility, vacation time, development dollars. A sophisticated negotiator never walks away from the table over one closed door. You could have fifteen items that you want to possibly negotiate on. And that is smart.

Because when they can't move on one number, they likely can move on another. And the third P is pause. After you make your ask, stop talking. Let them respond.

The pause may feel awkward, but trust me when I tell you that that pause is powerful. So that's the three Ps. That's the framework. Prepare, pivot, pause.

It's simple enough to remember in the moment, powerful enough to change your outcome. Here's what I want to be really honest with you about. The principles that I just gave you are the foundation. But the language that actually will work for you in your specific organization at your specific level with your specific leverage and your specific decision makers, that is not something I can give you in a podcast episode.

That requires knowing your market value specifically. It requires understanding your organizational dynamics. It requires building a business case that speaks to what your leadership team actually gives a damn about. And it requires practice, saying the words out loud until they feel like yours, not like a script that you borrowed from someone else.

The women that I work with who win their negotiations don't win because they memorize the right phrases. They win because they did the preparation to make those phrases true. The language that I'm giving you is the vehicle, but the preparation is the engine. You need both.

Here's your one thing before we close. I want you to pick one phrase from today's episode, just one, and practice saying it out loud, not in your head. Verbally move your lips and say it out loud. You can use a mirror, you can say it to a friend, you can say it to your dog while you're walking him or her, if that's what it takes.

Because the words that sound confident in your head often come out shaky the first time you say them in a real conversation. Practice until it feels like yours. Confidence in the room starts with preparation outside of it. Now, if today's episode gave you the foundation you were looking for and you're ready to build on it with something specific to your situation, a customized compensation negotiation roadmap and playbook, then I want you to join us on June 6th and June 7th because that's exactly what we're putting together in Name Your Number, How to Negotiate Your Salary with Confidence, even in an uncertain economy.

We're going to figure out the market value for your role. We're going to identify who in your organization you should be having the conversation with and when. And we're going to build the language that is specific to you, specific to your role, your organization, and your leverage. Then when you leave the two-day workshop, you will have a complete negotiation roadmap that you can put into action immediately.

It's just two hours each day on June 6th and June 7th. Completely free to you. The link is in the show notes and Spots are limited. So you better come ready to do the work, Lady Leader.

The principles we talked about today are yours now. The personalized strategy, that's what we're building together on June 6th and June 7th. Until next time, Lady Leader, keep leading your introvert way.