E53 The Backyard Leadership Filter: What Bees, Barn Swallows, Rabbits, and Deer Taught Me About Leading Well

Speaker A: Welcome back to Lead with Spark. Today's episode is coming straight to you from Iowa and my backyard, where summer has officially arrived. If you live in the Midwest, you know exactly what that means. Everything is growing, everything is blooming, everything is buzzing, and everything seems to be building a nest someplace that it shouldn't be. Building a nest. It seems like nature has collectively decided. You know what would be fun? Let's test Lindsay's leadership skills directly from the backyard. That's what we're talking about today. Leadership through the lens of carpenter bees, barn swallows, rabbits, and deer. So let's get started. Um, welcome to the Lead with Spark podcast, the show where real women lead with authenticity, show up with presents, and live out their purpose. I'm Lindsey Moulder, speaker, C suite executive, family gal, travel junkie, and a firm believer that your leadership starts from within. Around here, we go beyond the fluff. Uh, we talk about the real stuff. No one teaches you in leadership training. Your values, your superpower, strengths, boundaries to stop burnout, and how to quit being the chaos coordinator of your own life. Whether you're building a business, leading a team, or just trying to stop feeling stuck in the daily grind, this is your space to get clear, get aligned, and finally lead with confidence. So let's cut the noise and reconnect with the spark that makes you you. Let's go get our spark on. I, uh, have to tell you, I think some of our best leadership lessons come from the most ordinary parts of our life, because leadership is not something that just happens in our boardroom or in a team meeting or in a performance review. It shows up in how we protect what matters to us, how we tolerate the things that are around us. It shows up in what we tolerate. It shows up in what we keep cleaning up instead of actually addressing. It shows up in those little places where if we say, oh, it's fine, when deep down we know it is not fine. And sometimes, apparently, leadership shows up while your husband is removing yet another barn swallow nest from under the deck by the pool. So let me paint the picture for you. At our house right now, we have a few little backyard situations happening. First, we were infested with carpenter bees. This year. Now, carpenter bees are interesting because they look a little bit like bumblebees. They're actually really good for the environment. They're pollinators, of course. They're not out there trying to hurt anyone. You can tell the difference because carpenter bees have shiny little bums, and it looks like they have a yellow belt on where your bumblebees are nice and fuzzy. Carpenter bees aren't aggressive at all, even though they're really big and they sound pretty intimidating. They're just out there doing their little carpenter bee thing. And I actually feel bad wanting them gone because part of me is thinking, oh, you're helpful. You're good for nature. You're not bothering us. You're just buzzing around, living your best life. But here's the problem. They're also boring holes into wood. And when that wood happens to be connected to your house in the form of my deck, suddenly the leadership conversation changes. Because it's one thing to say, oh, they're good. And it's another thing to say, they're good, but they're damaging the foundation of something that we need to protect. And that right there is leadership lesson number one. Good intention does not erase the real impact. Let me say that again. Good intention does not erase the real impact. This happens all the time. We have people, processes, habits, meetings, clients, or even expectations m that are not necessarily bad. They might bring value. They may be talented. They might be helpful in some areas. They might even be. They might even show up as people who are funny or kind or loyal or deeply experienced. But they also cause damage. Maybe it's the high performer who gets results but leaves emotional debris every place that they go. Maybe it's the team member who means well but constantly interrupts, dismisses ideas, or creates confusion in every meeting that they attend. Or maybe it's that process that used to work beautifully when the team was smaller, but now it simply slows everybody down. How about this one? It's that client of yours who they bring in revenue, but they drain every ounce of energy from the people who are serving them. Maybe it's just a meeting that started as helpful, but is slowly turned into a weekly gathering where dreams go to die. And because there is something good there, we hesitate. We say things like, oh, well, they didn't mean it that way, or they really are talented, so we just put up with it. That process used to work. The client is so important. The meeting keeps everybody informed. You know what it is. And maybe all of that is true. But true leadership requires us to ask a deeper question. Not just is there value here? But is the value still in the right place, in the right way, at the right cost? Because sometimes something can be valuable and still be damaging. Sometimes something can be good for one part of the environment and harmful to the structure that you're responsible for protecting. That is the carpenter bee lesson. You can appreciate the value of what it had or what it used to have. But you still have to address the damage. As women leaders, I think this one can be especially hard because we can be really, really good at seeing the best in all of the people around us, and we can be really good at understanding that backstory of how good it used to be. Or in giving grace, we think about how beautiful it is. But grace without boundaries can become exhaustion. Grace without accountability can become resentment. And grace without action can quietly weaken the structure and the foundation. And I want you to think about this really clearly. This isn't about being harsh. It's not about overreacting. It's not about assuming the worst in people. It's about being honest enough to say, this may not be malicious, but it is costing me something. That is leadership. Then we can take action. Okay, now I gotta tell you about these barn swallows that are making my husband insane. At our house, we have these two little birds, and they come back every single year, and they're absolutely determined to build a nest in our backyard, right next to the pool, under the deck. And when I say determine, I mean ruthlessly determined. I think my husband has literally removed 50 nests already this year that these two little birds have started. I'm saying over 50. He has put up the spikes, he has put up the silver tinsely stuff. He has put up swirly things to try to detract them, everything. At some point, you have to admire him for continuing to try and them for their work ethic to try to get this done. I mean, their strategic plan is terrible, but their commitment level is super impressive. They're like, hey, we said this is the spot that we want, and we mean it. And my husband is in this constant battle with them. Every day, they build, he removes it, they build again, he removes it again, they come back, he goes back. No one is winning. The birds are tired, and he is exhausted and fed up. And I watched this whole thing like it's this backyard tiny drama series. And then it hit me. This is exactly what happens in leadership when we keep addressing the symptoms, but we never redesign the system. That's leadership. Lesson number two. Cleanup is not the strategy. If you are removing the same nest over and over again, you may not have a burn problem. You may have a system problem. Now, before anybody sends me bird law emails, let me say this carefully. When nests become active with their eggs or their little chicks, there are protections and rules around what can or cannot be removed. So this is about those, uh, early nest attempts before things get established. But the metaphor here is what matters. Many times in leadership, we keep cleaning up the same issue time and time again. We keep fixing the same mistakes, having the same conversations. We keep sending the same person the same reminders. I feel like sometimes we're stepping in at the last minute to simply save the same project at the same point. Every single time, you know what it is? You keep smoothing over the same conflict or re explaining the same expectations over and over, thinking, oh, my goodness, surely this will stick this time. And then two weeks later, the nest is back. A different day, the same mud, the same spot, the same frustration. And we call it leadership because we're handling it. But sometimes we're handling it and not leading. We're just repeating the same action, removing the same nest. And I say that with love, because trust me, I have done it too. I've been the leader who jumped in to fix things because it was faster that way. The person who thought, oh, my gosh, I'll just do it myself this time. I've been the woman who carried the extra load simply because I can. I can do it. People let me do it. That's the important sentence. Because I could. People let me. And this is where leadership has to start to shift. At some point, we have to stop asking, how do I clean this up again? And start asking, why does this keep happening? Is the expectation unclear? Is the person in the wrong? Is the process broken? Do I need a consequence? Or do I need to assign an owner? Is the team depending on me to rescue them every single time? Uh, maybe. Have I accidentally trained people that I will always remove the nest? And that one stings a little bit, doesn't it? Because sometimes the pattern that we are frustrated by is a pattern that we helped create, not because we're bad leaders. Usually it's because we care. Usually we just want to help. We want the team to be successful. We know that it's faster if we just handle it, but faster in the moment can become heavier over time. So the barn swallow lesson is this. If the same problem keeps coming back, don't just remove it again. Pull, pause. Take a look around. What's your environment telling you? Look at your system. Look at your expectations. Check out if you need to set a boundary. Because the real leadership lesson is not just cleanup. The real leadership lesson is redesign. Okay, now we're going to talk about these rabbits. And this one is the hardest for me, because rabbits are so cute. They're adorable. They hop around like little stuffed animals. But in my case, it's with a Snack addiction. And they have decided that my strawberry patch is not a garden, it is a buffet. They've moved in like they have a reservation. And they're not trying to be destructive. They're not evil in any way. They're not out there hoping that they're ruining my day. They're just these cute, little adorable rabbits. And they found the strawberries. And honestly, I can't blame them. If I were rabbit and I found an all you can eat strawberry situation, I would probably call my friends, too. But here's the leadership. Cute can be costly. Some of the things draining our energy do not look like toxic waste. They look small. They look sweet. They look manageable. They look like, ooh, just this once. Or, oh, it'll only take five minutes. Or, hey, can I pick your brain? I heard this one just the other day. Hey, I know this is last minute, but can you. Or they might look like, oh, shoot, I forgot again. I didn't want to bother anyone, so I just waited until it was urgent. And because they seem small, we tolerate them because they're not dramatic. We minimize them because nobody's being mean. We don't address them because we can handle it. We do. But those little things, they all add up. A rabbit here, a rabbit there, A few strawberries gone, A nest in the middle of the patch, then a few more. Then suddenly you're standing in the garden thinking, uh, wait a second. I planted this, I watered this, I protected this. Now somehow, I'm feeding every single rabbit in the county. How did that happen? Let me tell you. It happens at work, too. You build the team, you develop the people, you create the plan, you set the vision. You try to grow something meaningful. And then tiny energy leaks start showing up. One person keeps missing deadlines. One person keeps creating drama inside conversations. One person needs constant reassurance, but never, ever takes an action step forward. Then you've got the other person over there who's dropping things at your feet because they know that you will pick them up. Or that person over there who's treating your calendar like a community property and scheduling meetings over meetings none of them seem big enough to address until you realize all your strawberries are gone. This is especially important for women in leadership because many of us were taught, whether directly or indirectly, to be helpful, be available, be accommodating. Oh, and be super easy to work with and listen. I'm telling you, those are not bad things. Being helpful is beautiful. Being approachful really matters as a leader. Being supportive is part of leadership. But when your Helpfulness becomes the reason that everyone brings their unfinished work to your doorstep. That's not leadership. That is over functioning. And over functioning is noble, but it, uh, turns into burnout and overwhelm. So here's the question. What are the rabbits in your leadership life? What looks small but is costing you energy? What seems cute and adorable but is becoming extremely draining on your day? What have you allowed because it was easier than addressing it? What have you normalized that's actually draining your capacity? Sometimes the things that take us down are not big, dramatic issues. It's that steady drip, the repeated exception, the tiny interruption, the emotional labor, or that invisible work tax that we've talked about before. The little things we keep absorbing just because we can. And the truth is, just because you can carry it does not mean that you should keep carrying it. Okay, I'm, um, going to transition. I got to tell you about these beautiful deer that sleep in our pine trees and walk across our backyard. The deer haven't done anything to my property yet here in the spring. That's what makes this one different. I actually just put in six new trees, and I have four more coming. And they're beautiful, they're young, they're growing. I cannot wait for them to get strong and beautiful in my backyard. But they have to be ready to handle everything that's coming at them, because I know in the fall, all those beautiful deers strolling across my backyard, they're going to come through and want to rub their antlers on those young tree trunks to help them with the itch of shedding. So now I'm thinking ahead. How do I protect my trees? How do I make sure that something that I just planted has the chance to take root? How do I protect what is growing before it gets damaged? That is leadership lesson number four. Strong leaders protect what is still growing. This one matters so much. In leadership. We often wait until something is in crisis before we give it attention. It's that new employee, and all of a sudden they start struggling. Or that young leader who seemed like everything was great, and now we're three months in and they're completely overwhelmed. Or you know how it is when you try to make that little culture shift, and at first it takes off like wildfire, and then it just loses momentum. Um, in my situation, I had this happen with my team. We all had a new idea that we were going after, and all of a sudden I realized this weekend it's been criticized to death, and now everybody wants to stop it, but it's a terrific idea. We wait until the team's burned out, or we wait until the trust is damaged. We wait until the performance issue is obvious, and then we step in and say, we gotta fix this. But what if we protected it earlier? What if we protected the new employee with better onboarding? Or if we protected that emerging leader with coaching and feedback before they started drowning? What if we protected the new idea by giving it space to develop before inviting everyone to poke holes in it? What if we protected the team's, uh, energy before burnout and overwhelm became a badge of honor? How about we protect trust by having hard conversations sooner or our culture by addressing small misalignments before they become normal? Prevention isn't paranoia. Prevention is stewardship. That is such an important leadership shift. Sometimes as leaders, we think that we're supposed to wait until there's a problem. We don't want to overreact. We don't want to seem controlling or micromanaging. We don't want to make a big deal out of something that hasn't happened yet. But mature leadership is not just reactive, it's proactive. It says, I want to see what's growing here, and I plan to protect it. It applies to people and your culture. It applies to ideas and setting boundaries. It applies to your own energy. Because let me ask you this. What is newly growing in your life or leadership right now? Is it a new role? A new team? A new business? A boundary? A habit? Is it a new level of confidence or a new dream or idea? A new version of you? Now, are you protecting it? Or are you assuming that it will be strong enough on its own? Because new growth is precious, but new growth is also very vulnerable. Sometimes leadership means putting protection around something before the pressure comes. So let's bring it all. The carpenter bees, the barn swallows, the rabbits, the deer. It sounds like the beginning of a children's book that goes terribly wrong. But they each teach us something different about leadership. The carpenter bees teach us that something can have value and still cause damage. The barn swallows teach us that if the same issue keeps coming back, cleanup is not enough. We need to look at the system. The rabbits teach us that cute can still be costly and small energy leaks can quietly drain us. And the deer teach us to protect what's growing before it's damaged. Here's the bigger leadership. Not every challenge requires the same response. Sometimes you need to deter, sometimes you need to redirect. Sometimes you need to remove, and sometimes you need to protect. The wisdom, um, of leadership is knowing the difference. If we Treat every issue the same way. We either overreact or we under lead. If we tolerate everything, we become exhausted. If we remove everything, we become rigid. If we protect nothing, then we lose what matters. And if we redirect nothing, we miss the chance to preserve value in a healthy way. Leadership is not about controlling everything. And it's not about letting everything go. Leadership's about paying attention. Notice what something is costing. Be honest. When the damage is bigger than we want to admit, it's about deciding what kind of response is actually needed. So I want to give you a simple framework today. I'm calling this the Backyard Leadership Filter. Very official, isn't it? I know. Highly scientific. I tested it in Iowa under real life conditions involving bees, birds, rabbits and deer, and a very, very tired husband. I want to give you four questions. Okay? Question one. Is this valuable but misplaced? This is your carpenter bee situation. This could be a person who has great strengths on the team but is in the wrong role. Or it could be a meeting that has really good purpose but just poor structure. Or maybe it's a client relationship that you need to establish new boundaries. It could be a habit that served you in one season, but now it's damaging you in this season. The leadership move is to redirect or reinforce the structure. Your second question is the same problem being repeated. This is your marn swallow. If you keep solving the same issue, you're probably dealing with a system problem. The leadership move is to stop only cleaning up and start redesigning. Clarify ownership. Set, uh, expectations. Create accountability. Change or re evaluate the process. Have the real conversation. Okay, question three. Is this small but quietly costly. This is our little bunnies in the strawberry patch. These tiny things that do not seem worth addressing until you realize that they're eating through your time, your energy, focus, and probably your confidence as well. The leadership move here is to simply set a boundary. Not a dramatic boundary, not a speech, just a clear, calm boundary. No, I cannot take that on. Let's schedule time instead of interrupting. Hey, I need you to bring me a recommendation. Not just a problem or. I'm, um, not available for that. Simple, clear, kind. Done. And the last question. Is this something new that needs protection? This is your dear. This is where you ask, what am I growing that needs support before the pressure hits? Maybe it's a new team member. Maybe it's your confidence. How about a strategic priority? Or one big one, especially for me right now? Maybe it's your health. Maybe it's your family time. Maybe it's your purpose in life. Or maybe it's your leadership voice. The leadership move is to protect it early, put structure around it, schedule it, name it, defend it, and then give it time to root. Because if everything has access to what you're growing, don't be surprised when it gets damaged. Now, I want to talk for a moment just about tolerance, because I think this is where a lot of leaders get stuck. We're taught that tolerance is a good thing. And in many ways, I'm going to tell you right now, it is. We have to be patient. We have to have compassion. We need flexibility. We need the ability to work with different personalities, different opinions, working styles, and different seasons of life. But not all tolerance is healthy. Sometimes tolerance is just avoiding wearing a nicer outfit. Sometimes tolerance is fear of conflict or that tough conversation. Sometimes tolerance is people pleasing or exhaustion. Sometimes tolerance is a story that you are telling yourself because you don't want to make a decision. And the problem is what we tolerate teaches people what is acceptable. What we tolerate becomes our culture that we're building. What we tolerate becomes the standard that everybody starts to do. And that expectation, that's out there. And that's why leaders have to be intentional. Every time we ignore a behavior, we're giving it permission. Every time we absorb the impact, we're probably hiding the cost. Or every time we say, oh, it's fine when it's not fine, we're weakening trust within ourselves. And that's a big one. When you keep telling yourself something is fine, but your body knows it's not fine, your energy is not fine, your calendar knows it's not fine, and your resentment knows it's definitely not fine, you start to lose trust with yourself, and leadership starts with self trust. You cannot lead with clarity if you keep overriding what you know to be true. So maybe the question for today is not what am I annoyed by? Maybe the question is, what am I tolerating that's costing more that I want to admit? That could be at work, it could be at home, it could be on your calendar, it could be in your team. It could even be in your own habits. Maybe it's in the way that you're talking to yourself or in the way that you keep saying yes when you mean to say no. It could be in the way that you keep rescuing instead of leading. Or it could be in the way that you keep protecting everybody else's comfort at the expense of your own capacity. That doesn't mean that you need to go storming into tomorrow morning with a clipboard and a New personality. We don't need to become backyard dictators. Nobody needs that. This is not about becoming harsh. It's about becoming honest. It's about saying, I can be kind and I can be clear. I can be compassionate, and I, uh, can set boundaries. I can value someone and still hold them accountable. I can protect what matters without apologizing for it. That's the kind of leadership that creates trust. And here's the beautiful part. When you lead this way, you're not just protecting yourself. You're protecting the team. M. Because unclear expectations, they exhaust everybody. Unresolved conflict affects everyone. Broken processes will slow the entire team down. Lack of accountability frustrates the people who are trying to do the right thing. And leaders who never set boundaries eventually become leaders who are too tired to lead well. So your energy matters. Your clarity matters. Your capacity matters. The things you are growing matter. I want you to look at your work, your team, your calendar, or your life, and ask yourself these questions. What's my carpenter be? What has value, but it's causing me damage? What is my barn swallow? What problem keeps coming back because I keep cleaning it up instead of changing the system? What's my rabbit? What looks small or harmless but is quietly eating through my energy? And what is my young tree? What am I growing that needs protection before pressure hits? And then pick one. Don't try to fix a whole backyard in one afternoon. That's how people end up sweaty, cranky, and ordering really strange things online at midnight. Choose one thing and decide what leadership move is needed. Do I need to deter it or redirect it or remove it? Do I need to protect it from something? That's the work. Leadership isn't just about casting vision. It's not just about inspiring people. It is not just about being the steady person in the room. Sometimes leadership is looking at the thing that you've tolerated for so long and saying, this is just costing us too much. It's time that we change the pattern. It's time that I change the conversation. It's about building that fence around the strawberry patch. And sometimes leadership is standing in your own Iowa backyard, looking at the bees, the birds, the rabbits, and the deer, and realizing nature just handed you an entire leadership curriculum. So this week, pay attention. Notice what's buzzing. Notice what keeps coming back. Notice what's nibbling away at, uh, your energy. Notice what needs protection, and then lead accordingly. Because you don't have to tolerate everything just because you can. You are allowed to protect what matters. You're allowed to lead with clarity. You're allowed to set the boundary, you're allowed to redesign the system, and you're allowed to stop feeding every rabbit in the county. And, uh, lastly, you're allowed to grow something beautiful without letting everyone else have access to it. That's what it means to lead with Spark. Thanks for spending this time with me today. If this episode made you think of your own carpenter, bee, barn swallow, rabbit or deer situation, I would love for you to share it with me. And if you know another woman leader who is carrying too much or tolerating too much or trying to protect something new in her life or leadership, send this episode her way. Sometimes the best thing that we can do for each other is is to remind one another you're not being difficult, you're being clear. And clarity is a gift. I'll see you next time. Lead with Spark. Well, that's it for today. Thanks for being here and for doing the work to lead yourself first. If this episode sparks something for you, take a second to subscribe, leave a review, or share it with another woman who's ready to own her leadership. And remember, the way you lead your leader. Life is the way you lead everything else. If you or your organization are looking for a speaker, an impactful workshop, or an executive coach, head over to lindsaymolder.com and let's connect. Keep showing up. Keep leading with Spark. You got this. I'll see you next time.