Verbal Judo Part 7: Focus Down

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My name is Ron Hurst, a leader with over 30 years of real-world operational experience backed by the best of engineering and developmental psychology. And my goal is simple. I want to help you achieve the performance your business is capable of. Welcome to It's Your Business Lead It podcast.

In this cast, Verbal Judo Part 7, Focus Down. Arguably, this is probably the most common technique that I'm going to talk about in this seven-part series. And this is certainly a natural approach for some personality styles. And I'm going to do a sidebar in this episode.

I want to talk a little bit about the DISC personality assessment model. Because I think it's really instructive when you recognize how personality interacts with communication in the way that we form relationships and maintain relationships. So the disc personality style. And if you want to find out what your disc personality style is, you can email me directly at ronh at developingleadersinc.

com. And I will give you an assessment at 33% off my retail price. For only $100, you can learn exactly how your personality interacts with that of others and why sometimes your style undermines your effectiveness. And this is something you really desperately need to know because if your communication style is undermining you with others, it's affecting your ability to get results.

It's affecting your ability to be successful in your career. I don't want that for you. So if you've never done a disc assessment, reach out to me and let's get you hooked up with one. Now, let me give you a brief intro.

What do I mean by the disc personality style? What's it got to do with verbal judo? Well, first of all, let's talk about DISC. So DISC is a four-quadrant model.

It's based on two scales, a vertical scale, which is the level of assertiveness that a person demonstrates in the way that they engage the world. At the top of the model, you have highly assertive styles. At the bottom of the model, you have more reserved styles. And then on the horizontal, so that gives us our four squares, we have what is the primary object of focus?

Is it a task orientation or is it relationship orientation? So on the left side of the horizontal scale is the task orientation. On the right side is the relationship orientation. So if we go around the model, the D is in the top left square.

It is task, focus, assertive. And the D stands for dominant. The I, which stands for influence, is relationship oriented and assertive. It's on the right hand top quadrant.

Then you have the S, which is in the bottom right quadrant, which is relationship-focused but reserved. And then the final quadrant, sorry, and the S stands for steady, by the way. The C, which stands for conscientious, is in the bottom left quadrant. It's task-oriented and reserved.

One of the things that I want to talk to you about is as it relates to focus in particular in this idea of focus down, Ds have an almost natural instinctive drive to get to the point. In fact, it's so instinctive for most Ds and hashtag, I have to own this because I'm a D myself. It's such a instinctive drive that it can almost be, not almost, that it can actually be a liability for them if they're not consciously aware of how quickly they're trying to drive to conclusion. So this is really key because Ds will almost always do the focus down technique.

And sometimes it comes across as impatient because the rest of the group hasn't even gotten to a point where they're ready to focus. I's, in contrast to the D's, I's have a desire to be liked, and they're likely to tell entertaining stories, human interest stories. They go off on tangents because the tangents can be entertaining, and they will potentially get to the point when they feel it's time for them to get to the point. It's not necessarily a priority until it is for them, I guess is the best way to say it.

So they're not likely to use the focus down technique unless it suits their motives in the moment. And usually only after several stories and a few tangents and some laughs. Now, I am generalizing and I don't mean to be disrespectful. I am an equal opportunity criticizer of all four styles.

Okay. So just bear that in mind. The S in comparison to the D and the eye, they want to feel a connection. They want to feel harmony in the team.

They want to emphasize social connection. So stories and feedback loops and all of those things are ways that they can check to make sure that the team is harmonious and getting along. And this means that conversations can tend to drag on and continue without seeming conclusions being reached. And there's actually a point where getting to the point can create tension for an S because it driving to a point and it feels like that it imposing someone else will on the conversation So they're likely to follow the group toward a conclusion if they feel like the process has been harmonious and inclusive.

So they'll follow the group to the conclusion, but not likely to want to lead a group there unless, again, they've learned that this is a necessary thing. And then we have this C style. The C's are data-driven, logical scientists. And I know they're not all scientists, but they all tend to view the world this way.

They almost always are going to follow a logical path toward a conclusion. The problem is it's a slow and methodical path. They're going to present the problem that they want to discuss. Then they're going to talk about the hypotheses that they formed to try to make sense of the problem that they've encountered.

Then they're going to talk about their planned experiments, and they'll talk about their actual experiments and the difference between the two. Then they'll discuss the data that they collected and how accurate it is and where they had problems collecting data. And then they're going to synthesize the data and try to draw conclusions from it. And then and only then are they going to start talking about potential recommendations that can be made from the data that they've analyzed.

And all the while the D's heads are exploding, the I's are checking their emails, and the S's are trying to pay attention, but they're falling asleep. What I need you to get about this point is they're going to get to a point, but it's going to take so long to get there that they're going to lose their audience. And sometimes the C's need someone to help them focus down, as do the I's and the S's. And the D's sometimes need help the other direction of abstract up or going into process and some other things.

So really important that you'll understand how this personality interacts with this focus down technique, because if you just try to focus down, you'll come across as an impatient D, and we don't want that, okay? As you can tell from this personality model, we got our work cut out for us in trying to focus down and drive to a conclusion of a particular conversation. So now we go back to the same format we've used in the other six episodes, the what, the when, and the how. Focus down is literally the opposite of abstract up.

The idea is that we're trying to follow a clear and accepted path to a conclusion or to a decision or some focal point. When do you use this? Whenever a conversation seems to have no clear path toward the next step or toward a goal or toward the agreed upon process. That is a good time to use the focus down technique.

In contrast, when a conversation is moving toward a conclusion, you will likely notice that someone's already attempting a focus down technique. One other circumstance where this technique is highly useful, I want you to think about being in a meeting and you've got a hard deadline. The clock is ticking down toward the hard deadline. And it's pretty clear there's seven minutes left and we're still in the discovery phase.

If something doesn't happen soon, we're not going to be able to get to a conclusion and we will have sat in this meeting for 60 or 90 minutes without resolution. So in that circumstance, a focus down technique is highly valuable. So how do we do it? Well, as I mentioned earlier, the inherent challenge in this technique relates back to personality.

And how do we respectfully introduce focus down into a conversation? If we're too abrupt in our approach, as most Ds tend to be when they lack the awareness of their approach, you will look like an impatient person that's just trying to drive and not really caring about people. And we don't want that because if it comes across that way, you don't get buy-in to the decision or buy-in to the agreement that's trying to be forged. And in contrast to this, if you do it too late, congratulations, you're in for an unnecessarily long meeting.

And it's incredibly wasteful sometimes to sit and hash out a topic and then go around in circles and never really ever get to resolution. Don't recommend that either. So here's what I recommend. At the start of a conversation, gain clarity on what the objective for that conversation is.

And the more important the conversation, the more important it is that you have clarity on the objective. You know, if you stop and think about it, why do we have meetings at all? It's to accomplish something, I hope. So if we go to the formality of the complexity of trying to schedule a meeting where a number of key people are going to be there, it's usually because we're trying to make a decision or come to resolution.

And what that means is there better be a clear objective. And likewise, in that same conversation, when you're asking about the objective, also ask what process the meeting facilitator or the person leading the conversation is planning to use to get to the conclusion. With these two in hand, you stand a far better chance of actually being able to help the group to focus in on the ultimate decision. I mean, after all, what do you think is going to happen if you don't have an objective?

What do you think is going to happen if there's no process? The meeting's going to meander around. You might, might eventually get to a point. May not necessarily be the point, but a point.

And I don't know about you, but that just feels like a complete waste of effort and time. So as we go a little deeper into the how, I want to split this into two different approaches. There's a group approach and there's some subtle differences on how to do a one-on-one. So in the group as I mentioned we going to ask early about objective and process from a place of curiosity We not asking for any other reason than curiosity And you might even go as far as to ask about the use of a facilitator in a group setting.

Now, clearly you wouldn't do that one-on-one, but in a group setting, especially if that group has a history of not being able to come to resolution, a facilitator might be exactly what they need. Now, am I suggesting that you take on the role? Not necessarily, but indirectly, I want you to. So just keep that in mind.

As the conversation is progressing, you know what the objective is. You know what the process that the group wants to follow is. So monitor the group's progress. Are they following the process that they laid out?

Is everyone participating in the conversation? And then one of the things that is really powerful to share to moving groups toward focus is making sure that all people have been included. This is particularly important with the S's and the C's. And asking a question along the lines of, have all perspectives been shared?

By asking it in a respectful way like that, you're not naming someone. You're not calling them out for not contributing. What you're doing is you're inviting them into the conversation. It's so respectful to do so because they may hesitate to contribute.

They may not feel comfortable contributing in a large group session. They may feel like if they don't have their words quite right, they'll come off in a way that doesn't represent their thoughts very well. So giving them the opportunity to think about it and then inviting them into the conversation is a very respectful way to make sure that everyone is in agreement. So you've gone to the effort of trying to make sure that all voices have been heard and all perspectives have been shared.

So one of the other things you can do as the group is starting to move toward resolution, If there's still some hesitance or maybe the group is tending to circle the point but not ready to make the decision, you might want to interject with another process-related question and say, may I summarize the most pertinent points on the whiteboard for us? Would that be helpful? If the group says no, then don't do it, of course. But what I find is by summarizing those pertinent points, the people that have shared their perspective feel heard.

And when they feel heard, they're more able to move into the next section because sometimes they're not ready to move into the next section because they don't feel like their point has been adequately respected or listened to by other significant group members. So by doing this, you make sure that the group understands all of the contributions. And I mean, and you might say, well, what happens if I don't capture it correctly? Well, then you have more discussion on the points that were brought up and we get them on the whiteboard.

Because once they're agreed upon, now we can move toward the decision-making phase or toward the focusing phase, whatever the objective of that meeting was. In that next step, we just follow agreed upon process to make the decision or whatever the group was trying to do. Let's take a step back and think about you're doing a one-on-one conversation with an individual. It's very similar in that you, again, want to ask them about their objective and the process that they want to follow, assuming that they're coming to you with something that they want to talk about.

And in this case, we can track the conversation and monitor process again. And if the conversation seems to be going off on a tangent, which is very common with some personality styles, as I mentioned earlier, what you can do is you can look at them with a slightly confused furrowed brow look and ask them, I'm sorry, I don't understand how what you're talking about relates to the objective that we discussed at the beginning. And if you do it respectfully, it allows them to come back to the point and focus the conversation back into where the original trajectory was toward the objective.

And there's some other tools that we can use as well. We can use defocusing tools, we can use processing tools or focusing tools throughout the conversation. And yes, I know this is called focus down, but sometimes we got to defocus in order to focus correctly. So one of my favorite defocusing tools is to ask a question along the lines of, what alternatives have you considered?

What other alternatives have you considered? Recognize this increases the conversation because it opens up the doors to new ways of thinking. So be careful when you use it. A good process tool.

How have you approached similar situations in the past? And this gives them the opportunity to step into the process role and think about their objective from the point of view of past precedent. And focusing tools. One of my favorite questions here, what's the most important factor for us to consider moving forward?

So what you're asking them to do is prioritize the various points of the conversation to help them begin to focus down toward the ultimate decision or whatever it is that they're trying to focus in on. Now, in either case, whether you're talking to an individual or a group, I have some really important advice for you. Be open to the outcome. And what do I mean by that?

You can guide the process indirectly or directly. I highly recommend that. You can even contribute to the content. Highly recommend that.

But I want you to consider the fact that if you've made a good contribution and the other people in the conversation, either the individual or the group, has made good contributions, then be open to allowing the outcome to emerge, open to allowing the group to come to a conclusion. It doesn't have to be yours because if it's yours, it's most likely going to come from a place of ego. We don want that We want the group decision to stand because that is going to be far more of a solution that the entire group will buy into and live up to as you move forward I say allow it to emerge but of course, there's some common sense requirements.

If their conclusion is immoral, illegal, inappropriate, unethical, or potentially stupid, now what I recommend you do is state your case in your disagreement. State it clearly and specifically and respectfully and then re-engage in the conversation because you cannot allow the organization to do something that you know in your heart of hearts is not best for it. But be open to the fact that your perspective might be somewhat closed-minded as well, okay? If you do all of this, if you follow this advice, I can pretty much tell you from personal experience that you're going to help the D's follow better process, and get to results in a way that is respectful to other group members and best for the organization.

You're going to help the I's feel loved and make them feel like they've contributed meaningful to the ongoing conversation. The S's will feel respected, included, and part of a strong and vibrant team. And the C's will be satisfied with the rigor and the outcome of good process. And this ultimately is what they're looking for in all four cases.

And if you can do that, you will start to guide conversations in ways that you didn't think possible. You'll guide them toward decisions. You'll guide them toward solving problems. You'll guide them toward aligning on policy, whatever it is.

That is all possible when you follow the focus down technique and especially when you look at it through the lens of personality. In our who does what by when, in your one-on-ones, I recommend you practice the focus down technique with questions such as the following. And these are some more of my favorite questions. What factor is most critical?

Or which decision is best for you? Or which of the alternatives you've mentioned seem the best to you? Just try questions like that and see if it doesn't help the other party in your one-on-ones start to move toward resolution. Okay, we'll see you on the next cast.

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All right, everyone. Now you have your action items. I'm excited to hear from you on how what you learned today works for you. Be sure to connect with me at www.

developingleadersinc.com and brief us on how the action items work for you. If you need immediate support, schedule a strategy call with me and let's build a plan together on how to get you the results you need. Thanks for listening, everyone.

Until next episode, get out there and lead your business. Bye.