Learning to Live Again with Dontaira Terrell

Speaker A: One of the things I felt like it was like a career. I was having like a complete career breakdown when I was let go from my job. And then I was. And nothing, like absolutely nothing was coming through or coming to fruition.

Speaker B: Welcome to the Reminder Remedy Podcast. I'm your host, Alina Conley, a personal development expert and coach. This podcast is for leaders, innovators and culture shifters. We explore personal growth, leadership development, and the journey towards a fulfilling life with the aim of leading ourselves to effectively lead others. Through insightful interviews, discussions and inspiring stories, we unlock the secrets to a better existence and a better world. Whether you seek inspiration or practical guidance, I'm here to remind you of your incredible potential. Because everything you need is everything you got. Let's get into it on today's episode, you have an opportunity to hear from one of my dearest friends, Dontera Terrell. With a career spanning nearly two decades, Donterra has left an indelible mark on the media landscape. A graduate of the Florida A and M University with Ohio roots, she has become a regular television contributor to various platforms. Her work has led to coveted interviews with a wide range of talent including Halle Berry, Tyra Banks, Demi Moore, Melissa McCarthy, Michael B. Jordan and Tyler Perry. That's right, y'. All. My girl has interviewed Tyler Perry, which we'll talk about in this conversation. Her expertise is not limited to television, as her work has also been featured in publications such as USA Today and BET, MTV and VH1. Dontera recently took the elm as Editor in Chief and co publisher of the Buckeye Review, a legacy publication in her hometown with a nearly 90 year history. Under her leadership, the Buckeye Review aims to shine a light on the vibrant diversity and richness of marginalized communities through the power of storytelling. And by amplifying the voices within these communities, Donterra is poised to usher in new era for the Buckeye Review. Follow Donterra's journey as she continues to blaze trails let's get into it okay, really quickly guys. Before we hop into today's episode, I need two favors from you. If you are listening right now, click that plus sign for you to follow the show. This really helps us to pop into the algorithm of other and new listeners. Number two, if you are not already subscribed to my weekly newsletter, you are missing out. Every Monday I send out a newsletter called Monday Musings. This is where I share all of my popular links. From what I'm reading, the podcast that I'm listening to, what I'm watching, uh, must haves productivity hacks uh, random storytelling. Um, we have been doing this for about two months now and it's been a ton of fun. So if you're not subscribed, head over to there reminderremedy.com newsletter to get subscribed today. All right, welcome back to the Reminder Remedy. I am your host, Alina Conley, and today I am joined by one of my very good friends, Dontera Terrell. Welcome to the show.

Speaker A: Thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited.

Speaker B: I am, um, so excited. I can't believe this is your first time on the show. Last time we were together, you were interviewing me and that was super fun. But today I am interviewing the journalist.

Speaker A: Yeah. That was what, for your anniversary, right?

Speaker B: Yes. Or. Yeah, it was for my one year anniversary and that was what, like, two, three years ago, so. Can you believe that?

Speaker A: So we about to be approaching five years.

Speaker B: Yeah. Because I started this in 2020, so.

Speaker A: Wow.

Speaker B: Okay. But I actually started the podcast eight years ago, but started the coaching company in 2020. So, yeah, it's been fun. But I'm excited to have this conversation because I am just. First of all, I have to. I've been doing this thing where I've been, like, giving everybody their flowers up front because I just know so many dope people. But you are just, like, really top three. Like, you just killing it these days. I was just going back through your list of people that you've interviewed, and I can't even keep up at this point. Tyler Perry, Pat Rowland. Did you interview, like, Issa Rae?

Speaker A: I did, yes.

Speaker B: I remember that day we were like, in the group chat and I was like, really? You could. You couldn't put me, like, in the wingman. Could have been in the side room because, you know, I love Issa. And so I just think that what you've been doing with your career is amazing. I also love that you always look out for people like Don Tara has gotten me so many opportunities and so many other people to just really put our work into the world. And then with your most recent opportunity. Or not opportunity, but your most recent purchase of your hometown newspaper, the book I review. Let's get some snaps and hoorays around that. That is just, like super dope. And we'll get into all the details of that, but I'm just so proud of you. So congratulations. You're killing it. Thank you. Thank you.

Speaker A: Look, I'm proud of you, too. I'm proud of you for creating this platform and you have had some heavy hitters too, and you're helping women, like, with their overall well being and just establish themselves, be more confident and bold in themselves. I remember it was a time when I needed your advice and you surely reminded me, just like you did now of my words, of my value, of, uh, all of the talent that I had inside of me. It just started with me. So thank you for that as well.

Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely. So that's actually where I want to start our conversation. Because one of the things that I was thinking about this morning when I was in the shower, because before my podcast interviews, I always go through my stuff in my head in the shower. And I was thinking about how one of the last times we got to spend some intimate time together. And that was, I want to say, 2018. You were in LA at the time. I was pregnant with Creed, who's now 5. And you were just in this transition period. I think you had just, just moved from Miami, living with your sisters, and you were just like in this discovery period. And I remember we were like sitting on the couch and you were just telling me like all the things that you had been dealing with. And we went to brunch and I was just like giving you like all of my mind. Like, you need to get on this spiritual journey. You need to figure out your life. LA is the perfect place to do that because the vibrations are high, or so I've heard. And I just feel since that conversation, that was like exactly what you did. Like, you really went through like this transformation, transformative journey. And so I would love to know from you, like, what was, what has gone on, like in the last five years in your life.

Speaker A: Just like you said, it's been a whole like, transformative journey and just like self discovery journey. I started incorporating, um, meditation into like my daily routine. I started taking my therapist much more like serious in terms of how sometimes you'll go to therapy, you'll be like, oh, no, I'm fine. I know. And then once I just let down those walls and actually express myself and told her what I was truly feeling, she. In terms of the transformative stage, uh, when I lost my mom, my faith was a little shattered, if you will, for a few years. So I completely abandoned that. But I got back on my faith journey as well. And I think that helped me tremendously also because I know that I can't do this thing by myself called life. It clearly was some higher being, uh, watching over me, protecting me, guiding me, and just keeping me on the right track. So I feel like once I started re establishing and not seeing everything so black and white, um, knowing that there's room for error as well. I think that within the last five years has helped me. And then also trying not to force things. You know, how sometimes if I didn't get an interview, like I tried to interview Issa Rae several times before and then the opportunity just presented itself as opposed to keep trying to beat down that door. It was like, hey, we see what you're doing. Can you interview Issa Rae? So it was also like not taking different things personally, whether it was, um, in that professional space or that personal space.

Speaker B: Mhm. Yeah.

Speaker A: So yeah. And then just in terms of the professional journey, I was managing editor for 2190, a writer for USA Today, a lot of their special edition magazines. I've been writing for bet, Revolt, Shondaland. So it's just been like a lot of various opportunities that have I've been afforded these last five years.

Speaker B: Yeah. So we're gonna dig into all of that. All right, so I don't know. I know. So this is the thing that y' all need to know. Me and Donter are like actually really close friends. This is like one of those interviews where, like, where I had Shareese, Maya, Chloe, Melissa, and I like really get into it. This is like one of those interviews. So this is not, uh, one of those conversations where it'll be very surface. We're going. And so with that being said, dont here. I know that you probably haven't listened to the podcast. Like most friends don't even know what friends do for a living.

Speaker A: And I share a lot.

Speaker B: You're like, go listen to my friend's work. I think that she's like a coach or something. So on my podcast, one of the things that I am very good at or that I tend to do for my listeners is I like to take the interviews and look at it as like an onion and like really pull back like the layer so that we can get to the technical side of an understanding from a practical standpoint, what that looks like. So what you said a lot right now. And so I want to start with some of the grief parts of it. Right. Because that's where life turned for you, I think. I don't even know if that's where it started. And you tell me. So one of the things that I know happened was your mom passed. What year did your mom pass? 2014.

Speaker A: 2014, yes.

Speaker B: Okay. And so would you say that 2014 is where things started to shift for you? Or was it before that? Because I feel like just based on our Friendship. There was also like a period in New York where you were like, okay, things are not going well with my career and I need to figure it out.

Speaker A: I was waiting for you to finish. I was just gonna say that. I was like. It was actually a little before that. I feel like it was like the stepping stones to get to that point with my mom's death and my mom's death. Just. That was like the. Yeah.

Speaker B: So it's like when it rains, it pours. Right. And I feel like there's probably people listening and they're like, okay. Just when you think, okay, I've hit a place, I'm, um, rock bottom. And then life is just. No, that is about to get hit. Like you about to hit hell bottom. So talk to me about. I. I feel like especially I've had friends who have had death. I've recently had friends in the last couple of years who've lost spouses and have grieved and because they've had children, have had to hold it together. But one of the things that I witnessed with you was that you really didn't. You didn't really try to hold it together. Like, it was very much like, I'm grieving. Like, I do not feel good. Like, I lost my mother. I don't want to get out of bed. And as we were in May, we're recording this in May, which is mental health awareness. Can you. Without me trying to make you too vulnerable, but vulnerable enough for you to be relatable. Talk to me about what that period of your life felt like.

Speaker A: Oh, gosh. Okay. So that period of my life, everything was good. And when I say good, my mom was still in my life. We were in, what, September. So I'll say like the last weekend of September, we went to DC for a, ah, family friend's, um, anniversary. They were celebrating 40 years. So we had a great time in D.C. and then when my mom dropped me off, her and my father dropped me and my sister off at the airport, that was the last time I saw my mom. So that was on a Sunday. And then on a Monday is when everything, whole life changed. And we didn't find out about everything until I would say Tuesday. And I'm saying that because. So my mom was at a red light coming home from work. She was going to get some McDonald's coffee. She did a little detour before stopping home to get her some McDonald's coffee. She was out there.

Speaker B: And their coffee is amazing, by the way. Mama, I understand as a coffee breaker.

Speaker A: And so when she Was sitting at the red light a car didn't see her, that she was stopped, didn't see it was a red light, and rear ended her. But the force and the magnitude of, of the crash was so severe that immediately it snapped her neck on impact and her seat broke back. And she was okay at the crime scene. She was talking and everything. But then they said, when she said, oh, my goodness, I can't feel my legs, I can't feel my feet, I can't feel anything. She went into a coma. And so from there it was a 14 month journey. I moved back home and my mom was in and out of, uh, different rehab facilities as well as hospitals, but also never being my mom, not able to communicate the way we communicate in terms of verbally communicate, communicate One blink for yes, two blinks for no. She was on ventilators for a lot of periods of time, learning how to breathe again. She was paraplegic from the neck down. And she had traumatic brain injury, um, which is ironic because my mom's whole career was being a nurse, uh, for traumatic, uh, brain injury victims. So, yeah, so that was her whole. So we were able to get educated because she had so many books and notes. So we were sometimes going in there telling the doctors, no, because when this happens, she does this and da, da, da. So we know. So being huge advocates for my mom, I, like, at one point in time, and I still actually do in terms of like, kind of ptsd, I don't think people understand the severity. Like when I moved, uh, home, I was, we were staying the night in the hospital. I also had to become like a caretaker. And I feel like that growing up point, even though I was already grown, but me and my dad and my sisters, we were taking turns going to the hospital. Okay, I got to cook. We got to go grocery shopping. Okay, we got to do these bills. So I was like doing the books and it was just all kind of stuff. Also just caring for my mom at the hospital. But I remember one time vividly when I was sitting there and her, uh, monitor started beeping and everybody just came rushing in here. She had flatline and while I was sitting there. And then, I swear to God, it was like a Grey's Anatomy scene, a whole movie. They usher you out, you trying to ask a question, you like. I started crying, screaming. They shut the door, shut the curtains, and I'm like, oh, my God. And they just all rushed in there. So I still have those moments or even when, um, just being at a red light or being at a Stop sign or even like cars behind me. I'm like, afraid or fearful that someone's going to be very extra cautious of that. So then after 14 months, and when I tell you we fought hard to get her in different kind of rehab facilities and everything, one of the last ones we were literally ready to pick up our whole life. Moved to Pittsburgh, moved to Houston, moved to Atlanta, the cities that had those. Those institutions that could treat her. But the last time, I think we went to Pittsburgh. And then after the fifth, no, because I was 14 years, 14 months in the making, it was finally we took her to hospice. And I can't remember how long she was there, but looking back, I think one of the things is I feel like I was. Might have been a bit selfish in my approach because when she went to hospice, I didn't go see her. So I didn't see my mom when she passed away. I saw her after she passed. And I'm sure now that I'm reading, one of the things is that they want people to loved ones or even animals loved ones. They want those people around them. So they're probably looking for you, like, where are you? And so I wasn't there. So I saw her after she passed away.

Speaker B: And why did you make that choice? Why do you think you made that choice?

Speaker A: I was so angry and I was so confused and just like heartbroken and devastated and no, this couldn't be happening. So. Yeah.

Speaker B: And so the decision to. Or the fight, the 14 month fight, was that. Do you feel like your family fought for you? Or was that like a collective hope from the doctor? Or what was the decision that kind of made you all go through the different rehab facilities?

Speaker A: Hope. And we in faith because we knew we could turn this thing around.

Speaker B: Um, yeah.

Speaker A: And it wasn't about, like, people. It was about a higher power. And miracles happen every day.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: So I think that was like, part of it.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: And just fighting for my mom, like, because we would want somebody to fight for us. Like, fight to the very end. Don't let one person tell you. Just like, I feel like in your career, your day to day, okay, we talking to the wrong person, this wrong doctor. We can talk to somebody else. You know, you're not giving us what we need or what we want. And that's okay. You probably. Because one of the things was in terms of, like, bedside, uh, care and manner, we had some really great people, but then we also had the ones who, oh, I've seen a million cases like this. Uh, just, you know, wrap it up It. You say your goodbyes, and then I remember my dad going in with the doctor. Oh, no. You may have seen a thousand or million cases like this, but I don't have a thousand or a million wives, and my kids don't have a thousand. A million mothers. This is one person. This is Ellen Terrell. And.

Speaker B: Yeah, m. Yeah, absolutely. Now that when you think about the transition and becoming the adult through that, what were the things that you then had to do to move your life forward? Right. Because I. I've heard so many versions of it. It's never the same. Like, you can never feel that hole, but you just learn to move through the motions. What has that been like for you?

Speaker A: Uh, a roller coaster. Let's see. It has been. I feel like every stage of grief that you could possibly think of, whether it's anger, whether it's sadness, and whether it's, oh, I'm gonna find joy in the pain, or, oh, I'm happy that I was able to spend the years that I did get to spend with my mom. Or just beauty and the pain. Oh, you know, oh, that bird came to me. That's my mom. Or if a song. And I'm like, mom. Like, it's been. It's definitely been a journey. And it's also, even at times, resentful. I know in my early stages of grief, I was definitely very resentful of people who still had their mothers in their lives. Like, I'm jealous because I'm like, like, how does this work? And happy. And I'm like, and then at the time, that's when a lot of my friends were getting married, a lot of my friends were having babies, a lot of my friends were just going through that next stage of life. And I felt in the months prior to that, my mom and I were just getting to that stage of okay. Like, I'm talking to her about dating. I'm talking to her about just different things like, that I normally wouldn't talk to her about at all, actually giving me advice. And I'm like, oh, look at here. I did become one of your little friends. Just to have, like, people just seeing other people have. Be able to have their mother for their first pregnancy and talk to them about motherhood, your body changes, friendships or relationship changes, or those first few years of marriage, all those different things. And I'm like, so, yeah, one of

Speaker B: the things that I've always admired about you and your family dynamics is your relationship with your sisters. And your sisters are much older than you. And I've had The pleasure of recently establishing a closer relationship with one of your sisters. Because we worked on a project together. And even with dealing with her, I'm just like, oh, this is just so cool to have older big sister. Because me and my sisters are basically like ghetto triplets list. Like, literally we're all the same age. There is a period where literally we're all the same age at the same time. So it's just super ghetto. But anyways, so how did that. Like, how. And it seems like y' all have always. I know you always said that your sisters were like, they helped raise you, but after that experience, like, how did that even affect your relationship with them or enhance it?

Speaker A: I would say it's. It was a little bit of both, I'll say. Effect. Because we were all trying to deal with grief in our own various ways. And some are more expressive about it than others. Uh, so I feel like in that sense, yes. But then also enhanced because we tried to do things that would bring us closer, um, in terms of connecting with our mom. So, like, we made it a point to just do stuff to continue honoring her legacy. In terms of. My mom loves flowers. So we started taking, um, bouquet making classes together. And one of us might have a breakdown, one of us might cry. And then we'll start like, talking about it and everything. And then. But then also just realizing that unfortunately, life goes on and they all have their own different families. So I might get mad. I can't believe you didn't react this way to this. But my one sister has three kids, a husband, a, uh, full time job. So it was just like, I can't. But also, I'm single, no kids, no husbands for my. I have a lot more. I had not a lot more time on my hands, but I didn't have, like, life didn't just hit me in the face. Okay. I got these kids to take care of, I have a husband and things like that. I would say it definitely. But also definitely enhanced the way we look at life. That is like something for all of us, like, in terms of how we look at life in general. Made me be more appreciative even of my sisters and then my nieces and nephews and their motherhood journey. I was a bit more understanding that.

Speaker B: Okay.

Speaker A: Yeah. Right.

Speaker B: Yeah. And I feel like you're like the best auntie. Like, you just show up for them, which is another to me, this other role of motherhood that sometimes can be underplayed, but it's just so valued and so shout out to you for Being an amazing auntie. So one of the things that you mentioned was meditation. So what form of meditation do you practice?

Speaker A: Actually, when I do like meditation, it's a variety of different, I'll say wellness methods. Whether I'm just putting on, I'll go to YouTube or I'll go to Apple Music and put on like a 10 minute morning meditation or just evening meditation and just lay there or sit there. It could be as simple as five minutes. You're like, okay, I needed that. So I will listen to like meditations. Whether it's about having a great morning, having a great day, or, you know, tapping into inner peace also is a good form, uh, of meditation for me. Because once they do my pinpoints, I'm just there.

Speaker B: Yeah, yeah.

Speaker A: I'm like, I'm not leaving, I'm not there. So I have to meditate in that way as well. And then I also think, even though it's moving, I go for like daily walks. And I think that's a form of meditation as well. Just because it does help calm my mind, it does help me bring a sense of ease and it's just like my time for me.

Speaker B: Mhm.

Speaker A: And then just being able to observe the different things that surround me. Whether it's a. Like I said, I was talking about the bird. I'm like, why is this blue jay following me? But I was having a bad day and then I looked at what blue jays mean. It was like, oh, they're trying to send you a message.

Speaker B: I'm like, okay, yeah. So at what point did you feel like you were? Because I feel like you went from just taking a much needed break to then you started picking back up some projects slowly and then the career just started like taking off. So what was that like? Like, how did you ramp that up? Because I think that a lot of people go through life periods where they either experience burnout, grief. People go through like a postpartum period where they take a break and then they may be ready to jump back in and have a breakout season that's like similar to what you're in now. So what was that like for you?

Speaker A: Okay, well, let's rewind because we, we briefly touched on it in terms of before my mother's passing. And so, um, you know, one of the things I feel like it was like a career. I was having like a complete career breakdown when I was let go for my job and then I was. And nothing, like absolutely nothing was coming through or coming to fruition. All these contacts or people I thought I had Uh, I can't help you. Sorry. And then also just in terms of having to be on unemployment. But then it was like I would have these, like, breakthrough moments, like when I was on the game, and I'm like, oh, y' all know, shout out to the sunbeams. So it would always give me, like, a glimmer of hope, and then I'll always be humbled again. I'm, like, working. So it was like a career breakdown. And then when my mom, when I had to move back home, luckily, a friend of mine, a friend of ours, Ashley, she was working at bet, she put me in contact with, uh, one of the editors. And so I was able to stay afloat. And just in terms of being home and just becoming a staff writer, um, a contract writer for bet. And they worked around my schedule because I'm taking care of my mom, going to the hospital, sitting with her, going through doctor's visits and things like that. And then it just went back downhill after my mom's death because, also, to your point, I was not getting out of bed. I was not doing anything, uh, with my life, but sitting and grieving and crying and thinking and just. Just in my thoughts, in my feelings. Um, and then I started, slowly but surely, I would say, putting myself out there, but knowing that it was like I still was getting every. No. That there was and is.

Speaker B: And what did putting yourself out there look like?

Speaker A: I started just in terms of pitching again, like pitching stories or actually coming back into the fold, into the note. Oh, this person has a new book I'm going to reach out to.

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Speaker A: So I am a journalist, storyteller. I write a lot of lifestyle content. I cover a lot of um, major events or do uh, a lot of red carpets. And I also uh, do a lot of interviewing with various celebrities. And like it was mentioned earlier, we named a few but I'm, I'm also, I, I forget sometimes too. I've interviewed Melissa McCarthy, Octavia Spencer, Demi Moore, Queen Latifah, Felicia Rashad. I'm like Tyra Banks. It's so many Russell Westbrook, Russell Westbrook, Nikki Giovanni. I'm like, uh, I can't keep track either. But yes, it's been a, uh, it's been a journey in real life.

Speaker B: Okay, so back you started, somebody got a new book coming out. You'll pitch that?

Speaker A: Yes, I'll do different things like that. And I was writing for free a lot but just for the opportunity to get myself back out there, get my name back out there, get the invites coming back in, rolling back in and also just creating and establishing those relationships even more. Um, and then I would say, say I started what I started. I'm like, it's been such a journey because I'm like, it hasn't been like a straight line around and step back, step forward. So it's been like a uh, a whirlwind. But then I also started when I moved to la, one of the things I wanted to do was be on television. So also I started investing back in myself. I was doing that when we were living in New York. So I started enrolling in different on air camera Classes I rolled enrolled in different creat writing courses to just help build up my vocabulary and also just learn different forms and techniques of writing. Informal, whether it's formal, whether it's conversational, different things like that. And that was also helping me get out the house and meet, uh, other people who were in my field or like minded, kind of. I would say, in a sense I was using them as a way to encourage myself. So they were supporting me unknowingly because I needed it. So those were like some of the ways I started putting. I started putting myself back out there for casting calls just to see what it would do.

Speaker B: Why did you move to la? What did you. What was the decision? Was it because you wanted to be in television and that's like the spot or what was that decision?

Speaker A: It was so I always wanted to move to la and then every time I was supposed to move to la, something happened. But then after my mom passed, I'm like, we just gonna make it do what it do. Life is too short not to just at least give it a try, you know, I feel like you can't if you. I just didn't want any regrets, so I wanted to move to la. And I knew my mom, I was like, my mom would fully support this decision. Also, just knowing that a lot of things that my mom wanted to do in her life, she wasn't able to do that. She, um, oftentimes like, spoke about even in her 60s. Can you hear me? Oh, okay. It said trying to reconnect. Even in her 60s, she still talked about a lot of things that she should have did, could have, did, would have, did. So I just felt, okay, mom, this is you working through me. And so we're gonna move to la. We're gonna try to give this a shot. One of the things I wanted to do was I wanted to pitch a pilot. I wanted to script writer, which I still want to do. Um, so I have a script kind of in the making. But also when you're in LA and you're around those people, they have the resources, they have the knowledge, they have the tools and skill sets. I've never been a television writer before, so just me being there, having coffee, let's do a powwow session. Okay, let's rent this room in the library and let's go back and forth. How do you do character development? Um, I'm missing a plot. Okay, So I need a character arch, you know what I'm saying? Just learning those different dynamics, it was a lot easier to connect with Those people in terms of the television field, in terms of the writing field. So, yeah, so that was part of my reasoning for wanting to move to la.

Speaker B: Okay, so when you got out there, how was that?

Speaker A: It was a wake up call.

Speaker B: What happened?

Speaker A: Girl, it was, it was great. I feel like LA is great for what it is. For what it's worth, I do love la, but I think I do. And I do want to move back to L. A, but I think my expectations are a little bit different. Um, like I said, a lot of people who I encounter, you have to, you just have to be mindful of your space and know that everyone's not your friend. I feel like LA is a business transaction. It's all about associates. And I went into it like, oh, hey, let's be, oh, I'm new here. They're like, yeah, okay, great. What can you, it's like a business transaction. What can you do for me? And then when they saw I couldn't do anything or okay, next, that was very hurtful. But also, even in terms of, um, getting into the different rooms, getting into the breaking down those doors was a bit challenging as well. But so I would say that aspect, but on the opposite end of that, you do have the ability to just go to the beach and you have all these different methods to calm your mind, to relax, you know, just be so free. Like, you know what, let's be a kid again. Let's go to the pier and just go skating and around, you know, let's meditate on the beach. They have classes all day, so let's just be one with the beach, the waves, the water and so in, in that sense. Oh, amazing career sense. If you don't have enough, uh, actual plan, it can definitely eat you up and spit you right back out. Suck you up.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: So even in terms of the resources, like I said, just in terms of investing back in myself, making sure I'm out and about different things like that, that cost and if you get too caught up, then you might. Like I said, it was a learn, it was a learning lesson. It was definitely a great journey. And like I said, I want to go back, but I feel like my mindset is a bit different. Like I know exactly what I want now and I have a clear plan and vision. Before, I was just going with the flow, trying to figure it out, but a lot of people, I noticed who don't tell it, they had like their plan and they stuck to their plan.

Speaker B: And I think that is the beauty, uh, of kind of the evolution of A career and testing the waters is. It feels, uh, like, when is this gonna come? And then when it does, I know, like through the hell. Then you're like, I know what I want. And that's the season that I'm in. There's a lot of people. I just interviewed someone else last week and she was in that season. And I know what I want to do. I know what I don't want to do. I don't fully know 100% how it's gonna get done. I do have access to certain resources, but I know what I want. And so talk to me, that plan. What does it look like from here? What clarity do you have? Because you've now purchased this newspaper, it sounds like you have a vision for where your long term goals are. Like, where have you landed?

Speaker A: Oh, okay. For sure. So I think where I've landed and I think also even in terms of going back to la, my, my definition of success is a lot different than what it was prior. I think before it was very superficial.

Speaker B: Okay.

Speaker A: Um, now it's okay. How can I be a resource? How can I really, truly leave a mark? How can I pour into people who poured into me? I want to be impactful. I don't want to just be or oh, it looks great on the gram. I want to actually waves make noise. And part of that. So with me purchasing our hometown newspaper, my sister and I. One thing, uh, let's do a story full circle moment. My sister actually was an intern for this newspaper 30 years ago for the previous owners.

Speaker B: And which sister?

Speaker A: This is Zakiya.

Speaker B: Okay.

Speaker A: Also look, I guess you could say Zakiya. You can credit her to introduce me to writing because I actually had my first byline in the paper as well. The same paper that I purchased when I was nine. She interviewed me and then I interviewed some of my like 4th grade friends on their summer plans and what they were looking forward to in the upcoming school year, how they felt about turning 10. Yes. So I had my first byline in there. And so, um, a lot of things that we want to, uh, focus what we want to do outside of the newspaper and the website is, um, our extension is beyond that in terms of implementing a journalism institute. Writers and journalists as we just. A lot of times what I didn't know who, what, when, where we just figuring so making it or figure out. Figure out. And also like tools, resources and skill sets to develop your career as opposed to everything being like hush or figure it out. So that's one of the things we're Working on having different workshops, various workshops. And like I said, it's not just. Although the paper is based in Ohio, we are actually in print in 200 cities across, uh, 26 states. And remind me to get your address so I can send you some. So it's a lot of different, um, things. And even with us, in terms of my sister and I losing our mom, incorporating, like that grief aspect, we also want, I also want to focus on, create conversation starters so we won't have those taboo topics. And I feel like sometimes, um, when it comes to grief, I do remember one time my, uh, little cousin passed away and I busted out crying when I saw his mom and his sister. And I remember my one cousin was like, don't let them see you cry. I'm like, he's. It's our family. What do you mean? No, don't. No, don't cry. And I'm like, what? So it's okay to cry? It's okay to have a good cry. It's okay to grieve. It's okay. To your point, like how I told you, you knew I was not okay? Well, I also want to shed light again on those taboo topics and also create those conversation starters that have intergenerational approach as well. So I think, like, when I think of success and just my footprint, I want it to be beyond me. And I think before it was very selfish and it was just about me. How can I be on tv? I'm ready to walk the red carpet. I'm ready to be at the Oscars after party. Yeah.

Speaker B: And I think that really speaks to the model that I introduced in my coaching program. And this is really the season that we're in on the podcast, which is leading oneself so that you can then lead others. And so the life crafting model is all about going deep so that you can go wide. So it starts with kind of that self mastery. Right. So it's that self discovery period. Who am I? What are my gifts? What are my superpowers? But then recognizing once I do spend time with self and understanding what my gifts are to the world, not just letting it reside for my own benefit, but then how do I use that to impact others? Right. So how I hear, what I hear is your gift is in journalism, um, is telling those stories, is get that radical information and those, those untouched topics or things that may be taboo out into the world. And so that's a level of impact. But then it's also thinking about the skill set that you've acquired, passing those skill sets on in a way that's more attainable to the next generation. So that's that going wide piece. And so I think that when, when we think about how one should live a good life, that's what it looks like. Right. And I'm glad to hear that that is what you're doing, because that's absolutely incredible. And as I am, um, continuing to spread my hosting wings, feel free to continue to drop the gems to me because I am a pseudo journalist and I don't have no extra time to go back to journalism school. So just send me the workbooks below.

Speaker A: I did want to say for I look because I think the story is amazing. Um, and before I wouldn't have been into this story. I've been like, oh, she's not famous or whatever. I'm not covering it, but we recently featured a woman named Danielle Metz. Barack Obama granted her clemency. So she spent 23 years behind bars for a nonviolent act, a nonviolent crime. They didn't find anything on her. But instead of focusing because she's already having a tough time reintegrating back into society, I felt you already had that strike against you on. Okay, what was 23 years of life behind bars? We did a story. Hold on. Shameless plug right there. We did a story in terms of discussing how she's taking full advantage of that second life that she's been given, being a pillar in her community to college, obtaining her degree. Also, just in terms of fighting for, unfortunately, what is the reality of some being behind bars or anything like that, as well as just even establishing that relationship with her adult children because she's missed 23 years. So we're talking about, like, all the success and all the courage that she has acquired throughout the day to day in spreading back into society. So I feel like that's also in terms of impact, giving a voice to the voiceless, letting their stories hear it as well, but shining a light, a spotlight on what others may be like, oh, no, let's talk about behind bars. No, let's talk about what you're doing now and the positive impact that you're having. So that's also in terms of how

Speaker B: you want to approach things.

Speaker A: Yes, I love it. Giving her that platform to be able to talk about it.

Speaker B: I love it. So I want to get some. So another thing that a, uh, lot of people tune in for is to acquire some business skills. So when you think about preparing for an interview. Right. And again, we've talked about all of the incredible people that you interview what are some of the things that you do to get, uh, ready for an interview?

Speaker A: Um, okay, so a few things. One, so let's say it's a musical artist, and I think Nicki Minaj. I said this on one of her interviews. She went to an interview, and she was referencing her new album that was coming out, and nobody had listened to the album. So she was like, But y' all knew I was coming up here to talk about the albums, and nobody thought to let me just. At least to.

Speaker B: Kelly Rowland literally just went off on Big Tigger on our local channel the other day about. About this movie. She was like, did y' all even watch the movie? And they were like, no, y' all didn't invite us. She was like, I feel like we could have had a richer interview if y' all would have watched it. It was so embarrassing.

Speaker A: So, like, to that point, so if. Or a movie coming out, I always. I always watch it, listen to it, even if it's in past. Even if I'm like, oh, they sent me the screener and I have an interview at 8 in the morning and it's midnight, you know, even while I'll have it on the background so I can get some nuggets or anything like that. That's funny. I need to watch that interview. But, yeah, so also interview Bia, the rapper. M was. I was listening to some of her music before the interview, and I referenced her lyrics. Yes.

Speaker B: And she was like, when you said, yes, okay, yeah, look at me doing my homework.

Speaker A: That part. See? So that's the same. But she was so impressed. Oh, wow. But I used one of her lyrics to incorporate into it, like, daily lives. I think she was talking about, like, one of her friends or, like, having a friend, and she used it as a bar. And I was like, okay, so tell me, what about your friends? I can't remember the exact. She was very impressed by that. So that's one. And also, just in terms of, uh, preparing for an interview, I try not to focus too much on, you want. If it's a campaign, if it's a movie, if it's a album, focus too much on that, uh, particular, um, event, because it's going to pass. But I wanted. I want the interview to be evergreen. I want it to be timeless. Be able to come back and be like, now what does she say about womanhood? Or if it's Mother's Day, let's talk about motherhood. And then I can also republish that or bring that back to the forefront. The next mother's Day still. Um, whereas. But also make sure you do get those nuggets for the movie because we celebrate anniversaries 5 year anniversary. Take a look back. So I always try to think. And I also look at their Instagram pages sometimes I reference their captions and things like that. But I also, to Kelly Rowland's point, to get a rich interview, I want to go beyond the surface. I want to go beyond. So how is it acting with such and such? I feel like those are like everyday questions as opposed. So tell me. It is, to your point, it is Mother's Day weekend. It's mental health awareness month. How do you maintain your sanity when you just lost your mom? I know you just had a baby. Just different things like that, like, really tap into who they truly are at the core.

Speaker B: M. Yeah, those are some just different. Do you write down your questions? I do.

Speaker A: M. But then I'm like, But then also be another thing. Before I was very like, okay, so question one. But never makes sense. Like they would give me a really good nugget. And I feel like it was a lot of missed opportunities because I'm like, okay, so question two. Okay, so, right. I'll stay to the list as opposed to feeding off of what they just said. And you're like, actually, you just said something. And I want to take a step back to talk about it for a second before we switch gears. Uh, I had to learn that because before, look, another interview, I watched Oprah and one of the college students were interviewing her. She was like, we gonna get to all your questions, but just talk to me. Just talk to me.

Speaker B: Yeah, I feel like when I write down questions, I tend to look at them and try to get them in and then I'm not listening as much. And so that's why I just try to think about my points in the beginning so that I can just be listening. And then I can just have more topical stuff because otherwise I'm not listen what I'm saying. And then I can't, like, because, yeah, I have had interviews like that. So what are, like, some of your favorite transitions? Because one of the things that I hate when I'm being interviewed is when I answer the question and somebody always just says, I love that. And then they just go to the next question and I'm just like, girl, you guys find another transition Some.

Speaker A: Although the interview is not about me, sometimes I try to put like a personal antidote or make, like, light of it. So if they say something, I'd be like, you know what? That was an act. That was a good point. And I just experienced that. Look, speaking to that point. I just experienced that. So thank you for bringing that up, because. Right. And then we'll do a little laugh, and then it's like, okay. I'm like, okay. So, you know, with that being said, how do you feel about xyz? Or again, to the point, if I need to. If they're giving me a timer on the side. You got two minutes. Okay. No, that was a great answer. Thank you so much, you know, for letting us into your world. In that aspect, I'm going to quickly shift gears to discuss xyz.

Speaker B: Like that.

Speaker A: Or how do you feel about us talking about your new movie that's out. I don't know. How do you feel about us talking about you and your husband's 25th anniversary? What's the secret? They'll make a joke, or I'll make a joke, but I don't know. I think it's caught up in the moment, or I caught myself doing a lot. Oh, absolutely. And I know they're like, girl, absolutely. What? Like, oh, yeah, absolutely.

Speaker B: Yeah. What about the interjections? I feel like Oprah is, like, famously known for, like, interjecting when people are saying something to ask, like, a deeper question. Do you ever do that?

Speaker A: No. I try to wait until they get finished, and then, uh, I will bring it back to what they said to try to get a bit deeper.

Speaker B: I interject because I be thinking I'm Oprah. I'd be like, but what did your mama say when she did this?

Speaker A: I feel like sometimes I do. I. Sometimes I do. I feel like it depends on the subject, the energy. Feel that?

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: And then sometimes I try to do, like, Icebreakers to be like, okay, we're gonna do a fun quick round. Name the first thing that comes to the top of your mind when I ask you these questions.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: And then they were like, oh, wait a minute. Huh. Huh. Okay.

Speaker B: And then it loosens up a little bit. Yeah, I can imagine that. So being that you do deal with so many different personalities, like, how is that. Because I think that when it comes to my podcast, I have, like, way more selective. I can select who I want, and I can read energy in advance. When you're working with certain publications, I can imagine that you don't really get to choose everybody based off of energy. So how do you connect with certain vibes and manage that?

Speaker A: Well, one thing that I. I can't remember who told me this, but just realizing that they're human Just like us, the interview subject. So. But before, I used to always be nervous nice about oh, my goodness. And I felt like that also can read through the camera, like, okay. Or through the phone. So just taking that approach, understanding that. Okay, I know they've probably been in interviews. It's press day, and they've been in interviews for seven hours getting asked the same thing. So that's why I always try to bring other questions outside of. So. Yes. Yeah. So I got called to do the movie, and, yeah, that's how that came about. We filmed for six weeks. So that's why I try to, like, do those other questions also, when you

Speaker B: interview them, they've been interviewed all day.

Speaker A: Sometimes in some cases, if it's a press junket day or if it's like a press day. A media day. Yes. And they go back and forth between either being in a press room. Sometimes they'll have an event, um, and then they'll come back and do more interviews, or they'll go from being on zoom to being, like, at a roundtable discussion. So it's just. It's literally to jumping on a call for radio or going to radio. They literally try to squeeze so much in, in a short amount of time, um, in certain aspects, and then in certain aspects where you. Where it's not a media day, and they give you all the flexibility, and you gotta wheel them back in this. Okay, okay, we still on this question. Okay, it's 10 minutes and we still talking about this. So. Yeah.

Speaker B: So as a journalist, like, what is your goal? So as a podcaster, right, Like, I. And things have changed. Right? So, like, when I first started the podcast, it was really more for me as a hobby to have almost, like this time capsule of just, like, my thoughts. Like, so I would read all of these books. Like, I consume so much content. I just wanted a place to have all of my thoughts of m. Just like, why is the world round? So if you go back to some of my earlier interviews, I'm just, like, preaching like, jesus is my savior, he should be yours. Uh, this is, like, hilarious. And so then it, like, like, slowly turns into a season where some of it's all, uh, interviews, some of it's more just, like, educational. And so now it's more, like, topical. So, like, this season, I said is more. Okay. I wanted to have this theme of. I wanted it to align with the model that I'm developing based off the book that I'm writing. And so it's all, like, a little bit more strategic. Right. So it's like everybody that I'm interviewing, I want their life story. I want to understand like how they've mastered themselves, how they've gotten their. Their skill set and their superpower, how they're impacting the world. And that's like how luckily the interviews have been going. But that's. I get to own that based off like the questions that I'm asking. So when you're doing as a journalist working from a media outlet, like, what is the goal as you're navigating these different spaces?

Speaker A: Um, I would say so, I think it depends. So sometimes we'll reach out to somebody or somebody reach out to us with their own specific goal in mind. This person has a new book and we want to talk about it. Okay. Or this person has a new clothing line, we want to talk about it. But again, it goes into. Instead of asking, how does this collaboration come up with Nordstrom asking how fashion is a part of your overall well being, how fashion is a reflection of one's personality, just asking other questions outside of the basics. Um, and then. Or if it's like a commemorative day or holiday, then we try to focus on that. June is Black Music Month. So the thing. So how do you. What is your approach to making timeless music? We're coming up on 25 years of your initial album and it's still on the charts. TikTok has taken off with your song. So what is your approach to making timeless music? So we'll focus on the theme for the month. Mhm.

Speaker B: Um, so your actual skill set is trying to ask dynamic questions to get the best concise answers out of people. Is that the skill set, would you say?

Speaker A: Okay, yes, yes.

Speaker B: Some people do it better than others, I'm assuming for sure.

Speaker A: Also even I love like the interviews where it's. I'm the interviewer, but then after they answer, I'm like, I had to write that down. I didn't think about that. Thank you. I'm like, oh, really?

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: Those are interviews. When it causes me to think and I'm like, interesting. Didn't. Didn't think about that. But yes, but sometimes even like when I reach out to for instance, Nikki Giovanni, that's. I dressed up as Nikki Giovanni when I was in second grade. So she has been. That has like always been like a dream interview. And I interview her twice. And so the one interview for this is like going back to the career in terms of building my career back up. So she was teaching, was it uva? University of Virginia. But I reached out to her because she had her ed like edu online because she was a professor. So I reached out to her, asked her if I could interview her. She's oh yeah, sure, when you want to come? And I was like, oh, okay. She was like, is this gonna be a phoner or what is it? I'm m. Like Nikki Giovanni. I'm flying there. So I used my own money and just did like a 24 hour trip, rented the car, went and went to Best Buy, got like a little speaker so I could put on her. Went and got my little tripod for my iPhone because I, I had no place to place it. I just needed. I just wanted to interview. But then I got the interview done and then I was able to place it afterwards. So I started like doing things like that and just being transparent with certain people. I don't know. I'm trying to figure, I'm a freelancer, we'll figure it out. But one of the things that she did tell me, and I think that also helped my approach in terms of purchasing this newspaper with my sister when she, I said, I don't know, I'm just a writer. And she was like, pause. Like, she stopped everything she was doing. She was like, you are not just a writer, you are a business. And you need to treat yourself as such. Like, oh, okay. And so she started talking about her career in terms of turning her poems into poetry books. In terms of. She gave me the idea. She said, how about you start when you're getting all of these interviews, have two staple questions that are outside of the publications that you write for that are just for you, and then you can create a book like A Mother's love. Here's from 10 athletes on what they had to say about a mother's love throughout their career journey. And so I started doing that. So I always make sure I ask people like one or two questions that are just for me and then I have it like on the back end to develop like more quality content and to be able to put it out myself. She was like, because then you can put it out yourself. And that's part of the business aspect. She was. And then she started talking about me, about trademarking and different Analyte.

Speaker B: Mhm.

Speaker A: I. I just thought I was a writer. Yeah, your career, this is a business and we're going to treat it as such. You are a business. You are a walking business. I was like, oh, okay.

Speaker B: And I think that is just. And that is the evolution of a real grown person that understands that companies come and go, publishers come and go. The economy will go up and down. But when you are, especially in. In a field where you're creative, you have to be your own brand, right? And I think that's something that I've recognized even as a coach or whatever I am at this point. I have so many creative entities that a lot of the work that I do, the economics of it all changes. Like, people can have you on a contract one day and you're gone, but you're still your brand. So you have to be able to navigate it and have the legal structure to do so in the way where you're like, hey, I'm Alina Conley Corporation. I'm, um, navigating as such. And so that's great advice.

Speaker A: Shoot.

Speaker B: I'm gonna take that advice today

Speaker A: seriously. After that, that literally got my, like, wheels, you know, turning. And then when I was signing contracts, my sister. I have two sisters who are attorneys, but the one who I bought the newspaper with, that was one of the things she always. You need to read these contracts to make sure that when you. You're the one securing the interviews, make sure this content is yours or you can use it, uh, elsewhere outside of just that, that particular publication. I'm like, I'm just trying to get this 500. So I don't.

Speaker B: Yeah, this has been a great conversation. I'm sure that we're going to definitely have you back as you're going to be bringing so much to the world with this whole new business that you got. You're going to be learning so much as a business owner. You're going to come back in a year. Like, Alina, why you ain't tell me? I'm gonna be like, girl, listen, you ain't asked me. Right? Right.

Speaker A: I'm already learning so much. It's just. Yes, yes.

Speaker B: Thank you so much. Where can people find you online?

Speaker A: You can visit our website@, uh, buckeye review.com and you can also find me on all social media at Donterra Terrell.

Speaker B: Wonderful. Well, thank you guys for tuning in to get another episode of the Reminder Remedy. And we will see you all on the other side. Thank you for tuning in to yet another episode of the Reminder Remedy. If you haven't already, be sure to follow us on Instagram here Reminder Remedy, as well as my personal page, helenaconley, and check out our latest workshops and resources at the Reminder Remedy.