The Fulfilled Leader with Jean Balfour · 2026-05-29 · 39 min
Key moments - from our scoring
Substance score
19 / 100
Five dimensions, 20 points each
In a conversation with her sister Jean Balfour, Helen Williams explores how mindfulness practice helps leaders and professionals manage anxiety and stress in volatile times. With AI, global uncertainty, and organizational pressures creating widespread anxiety, Helen argues that most people (roughly 80%) externalize their reactions through their autonomic nervous system - defaulting to fight, flight, freeze, or fawn responses. The key to resilience, she explains, is learning to pause and come back to the present moment by tuning into your body rather than your thoughts. She introduces Victor Frankl's concept of the space between stimulus and response as the foundation for choosing your reactions. Practical strategies include using body-based techniques (placing your hand on your chest and asking "where am I?"), treating thoughts like traffic you observe rather than climb into, and using environmental cues or phone reminders to reset throughout the day. Helen emphasizes that mindfulness isn't difficult - it's difficult to remember - and suggests anchoring the practice to everyday routines like making coffee, washing hands, or sitting down. This episode is essential for anyone managing high pressure, leading teams through uncertainty, or struggling with anxiety.
Helen notices the physical sensation - a flutter in the belly - and immediately places her hand on her chest, asking herself "Where am I right now?" This grounds her in her body and present moment, which creates a feeling of safety and self-trust regardless of external circumstances.
A reaction comes from your autonomic nervous system and happens automatically (fight, flight, freeze, or fawn). A response happens when you pause, come into the present moment, and consciously choose how to act. The space between stimulus and response (Victor Frankl's concept) is where you access this choice.
Set a timer on your phone for 4-5 times a day as a reminder, or anchor the practice to existing daily habits like making coffee, washing hands, sitting down, or climbing stairs. Once practiced regularly, it becomes automatic and requires no reminder.
You've learned to climb into your thoughts as if they're real and follow them like driving off in a car. Instead, practice noticing thoughts like traffic passing by - you don't have to analyze each car. Your body's sensations (where you feel anxiety, calm, or safety) are a more reliable anchor to the present than your thinking mind.
Use a quick body scan to check where you are mentally and emotionally. Once you notice the feeling, you're already in the present moment. Name and identify what's underneath the emotion, and it often dissolves, allowing you to return to your task with clarity.
Our reviewer’s read on each dimension, with quotes from the episode.
The episode is heavily padded with repetition of 'I am here now,' meandering personal anecdotes, and standard mindfulness concepts available in any introductory wellness book. A handful of practical micro-tips (cold water, crunchy food, shaking) add minimal value but are buried in filler and throat-clearing.
it's not hard to do, it's difficult to remember
I've taken to eating apples on a regular basis. You think when you move your jaw around a lot, crunching your way into an apple, you release a whole lot of pressure in your jawline.
The episode recycles well-worn mindfulness tropes - Victor Frankl's stimulus-response quote, fight/flight/freeze/fawn taxonomy, metacognition - without adding contrarian or first-principles framing. The reframe of self-pity as 'body asking for attention' is the only mildly fresh angle, and it is underdeveloped.
the easy part of teaching that everyone will know is Victor Frankl's, um, between his, between the stimulus and response, there is a space
what is your natural reaction to things? Fight, flight, freeze or fawn.
The guest is the host's sister and a general mindfulness therapist-practitioner with no demonstrated corporate, senior leadership, or scaled B2B context. The familial relationship creates an evident lack of critical distance and the guest's credentials are entirely generic wellness, not operator-relevant.
I'm really delighted today to welcome my sister, Helen Williams, back to the podcast for a second time.
after what feels like a thousand years in the industry now
The episode contains no data, no research citations, no named organizations, and no concrete metrics. The lone quantitative claim ('about 80% of us') is uncited and stated as a vague personal estimate. All examples are personal anecdotes from the guest's daily life in New Zealand.
for the vast majority of the world, I think I've often said about 80% of us, we externalize everything first
I noticed driving yesterday with a friend, he, he commented, 'Oh my word, look at the price of diesel.'
The host interviews her own sister in an entirely supportive, unchallenged conversation, frequently inserting lengthy personal anecdotes of her own and explicitly restarting failed questions mid-recording. There is no pushback, no probing follow-up, and no productive tension at any point in the 39 minutes.
I'm gonna start this question again.
I am so grateful that she has done that because she has brought it into my life as well.
Computed from the transcript - who did the talking, and the words that came up most.
Anxiety is everywhere at the moment, but the most exhausting part is not always what’s happening in the world. It’s what happens inside us when our mind sprints into the future and our nervous system hits panic, shutdown, or people pleasing. We sit down together to bring mindfulness back to earth as something practical, body based, and usable in real life, especially at work when pressure is rising and roles are stretching. Helen Williams, a mindfulness teacher and therapist, shares what she notices across cultures: our autonomic nervous system often runs the show through fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. We talk about how to recognise your default pattern, why “just think positive” fails, and how the smallest moment of awareness creates the space to choose a response. If your thoughts feel like traffic, you don’t have to climb into every car. We also swap simple grounding tools you can try immediately: a hand on the chest with a quiet “come here”, short check ins prompted by phone timers, walking without headphones, gratitude walks, and sensory practices that calm the body fast.
Transcribed and scored by The B2B Podcast Index.
1 - > Jean: Hi everyone, and welcome to The Fulfilled Leader. 2 - > I'm really delighted today to welcome my sister, Helen 3 - > Williams, back to the podcast for a second time. 4 - > Welcome, Helen. 5 - > Helen: Hi, Jane.
6 - > Lovely to be here. 7 - > Jean: Mm. 8 - > So good for us to have this conversation in this space. 9 - > Me too.
10 - > Helen is a mindfulness teacher and therapist who's been 11 - > embodying mindfulness for much of her life, and I am so 12 - > grateful that she has done that because she has brought it into 13 - > my life as well. 14 - > And I've asked Helen back because there's a lot of people 15 - > I talk to at the moment, and a lot of what we're reading in the 16 - > media and in social media about people being really worried or 17 - > triggered by anxiety, by all that's happening.
18 - > And, you know, I don't have to list all of that to you, uh, 19 - > listeners, but you know, it's the rise of AI, it's our global 20 - > events, it's, uh, climate change. 21 - > I know because my focus is about people at work, I talk to a lot 22 - > of people who are either concerned about their jobs or 23 - > they see others concerned about their jobs, or a conversation 24 - > with people yesterday worried about the young people in their 25 - > lives and what their future of work will be.
26 - > And I also hear and have conversations with people in 27 - > corporate life who say that whilst they feel pretty secure 28 - > in their job at the moment, the pressure is rising because as 29 - > people are leaving the organization, they're not being 30 - > replaced and so their- Mm jobs are getting bigger. 31 - > So there's a lot that's contributing to, uh, people's 32 - > levels of worry and anxiety, I think. 33 - > And in the last episode, I talked about some strategies 34 - > that I've been working with around managing my own worry.
35 - > But I know that underpinning those is a whole story about 36 - > mindfulness, which is some of what helps me to manage my own 37 - > worry, and that's why I invited Helen back because I thought we 38 - > could have another conversation about this. 39 - > So before we dive in, could you tell us a bit of your story, 40 - > Helen, and how you came to be working, living with mindfulness 41 - > front and center? 42 - > Helen: Oh, I'd love to. 43 - > The, mindfulness has been a part of my life, the awareness of it, 44 - > for such a long time.
45 - > I can't remember when I began. 46 - > But I know that the early roots are in Buddhist practice, and 47 - > Buddhism and the ways of living it were of such high level 48 - > interest to me for a long time. 49 - > It really is about presence. 50 - > So mindfulness is being aware of being present with what's 51 - > actually happening without judging the content of what's 52 - > happening.
53 - > And what it's brought me is the ability to be with what is here 54 - > now, and less anxious about what has passed, and very little 55 - > worry about the future. 56 - > And because that's really important to me, I love to share 57 - > it with people. 58 - > Jean: Mm. 59 - > Yes, and I, and I know that you live like that.
60 - > And I, I know you obviously very well, and I see in moments where 61 - > that gets knocked a little bit, you are very attentive to coming 62 - > back to it. 63 - > Helen: Mm. 64 - > Jean: That you don't let that, y- yourself to be pushed off 65 - > kilter. 66 - > Helen: No, and the it, the it, coming back to it is important.
67 - > Because really, mindfulness practice is, is coming back to 68 - > me. 69 - > Where am I right now? 70 - > What's happening right now? 71 - > What am I feeling right now?
72 - > And I can do that with one quick swipe of the body. 73 - > Just, where are you, Helen? 74 - > Come here. 75 - > Jean: Mm.
76 - > Helen: Yeah. 77 - > Could 78 - > Jean: you say a bit more about that, about how 79 - > Helen: you do 80 - > Jean: that? 81 - > Helen: The, the, the recognition that I, rather than inhabiting 82 - > my mind, actually, I'm much more present in my body, in the 83 - > center of myself, so which of course is where we feel 84 - > everything. 85 - > So I feel, um, often what people would call fear, anxiety, as 86 - > just a flutter in your belly, a bit like I've had too much 87 - > coffee to drink feeling.
88 - > And when I notice that, I immediately notice I've just 89 - > touched myself. 90 - > I put my hand probably in the middle of my chest and, and I'm 91 - > inviting myself,"Turn up. 92 - > Come here. 93 - > What's happening?"
I'm looking to my response to what's 94 - > happening rather than a reaction to the external. 95 - > So I'm actually just grounding myself, I think, about it. 96 - > I'm just here. 97 - > Come here.
98 - > And come here. 99 - > Jean: Mm-hmm. 100 - > I, I noticed myself doing that this morning. 101 - > Um, I was having breakfast and, and had a connection with not 102 - > feeling emotionally great.
103 - > Mm. 104 - > And then I, and then I guess what I did was I just got really 105 - > curious about what's happening- Mm and coming into it. 106 - > And, and once I'd connected with what was underneath the not 107 - > feeling great and named it and identified it, it kind of 108 - > disappeared actually, and I came back to my breakfast. 109 - > Helen: Well, it's interesting, isn't it, that as soon as you 110 - > notice something, you're in the present.
111 - > So you're here now, and that feeling for me is just complete 112 - > safety regardless of what's happening externally. 113 - > If I am here now, then I can rely on my own self-resilience. 114 - > I, I can feel reliance. 115 - > I can feel I trust myself.
116 - > So my mind says quite quickly,"I trust myself." Doesn't matter 117 - > what's going on out there, I can trust that if I'm in myself 118 - > right now, then I'm not going to react. 119 - > I'll mostly just respond to it. 120 - > Helped actually by the phrase that I use in my meditation 121 - > practice a lot, which is, slowly with each breath, I am here now 122 - > with this or in this.
123 - > Yeah. 124 - > I'm here now in this. 125 - > Jean: Mm-hmm. 126 - > Let's come to thinking a bit about the current situation.
127 - > And you have lived globally, you have conversations with people 128 - > globally. 129 - > What are you noticing about how people are reacting to 130 - > experiencing this global situation that we're in? 131 - > Helen: It, it's interesting, the question. 132 - > Because I'm talking with people from all around the world most 133 - > nights of the week, what I'm noticing is their autonomic 134 - > nervous system is controlling their reactions or responses.
135 - > So in - as part of teaching mindfulness, I've often asked 136 - > people, what is your natural reaction to things? 137 - > Fight, flight, freeze or fawn. 138 - > And we know this, our autonomic nervous system just works from 139 - > the inside of our body before we even thought. 140 - > So the freezers are freezing, the fighters are fighting, the 141 - > flighters are fleeing, and the fawners are doing anything that 142 - > makes everybody else happy and not worry about myself.
143 - > That's what I notice, regardless of where in the world and across 144 - > all cultures. 145 - > Fascinates me. 146 - > Jean: So the lesson there is for us to tune into what our natural 147 - > response to external stress is, so what we're likely to do under 148 - > those circumstances. 149 - > Helen: And to know, to know yourself in that way.
150 - > So a lot of my work is working with couples, and I'm well aware 151 - > after what feels like a thousand years in the industry now, that 152 - > couples often choose each other because they're opposites. 153 - > So the person who wants to flee the situation is often partnered 154 - > with the person who actually wants to stay and fight it, and 155 - > this has been a lot of the work that I've been involved in in 156 - > the last few weeks, especially with the beginning of February 157 - > and all the changes in the world again or still.
158 - > Jean: Still ongoing. 159 - > Helen: Yeah. 160 - > Jean: Yeah, yeah. 161 - > Helen: Mm.
162 - > Jean: So once we notice that, um, for some people... 163 - > I was gonna say for some people that's easy. 164 - > Actually, I don't think that mindfulness is particularly easy 165 - > for anyone. 166 - > I think it's a practice that it's important that we learn.
167 - > But it's... 168 - > I'm gonna start this question again. 169 - > Because it can be hard, how can people begin to access it? 170 - > How can people begin to access that ability to come into 171 - > themselves, to come to the present moment, to sit with that 172 - > difficulty rather than escape it?
173 - > Helen: Well, so I like that you've said, how can we learn? 174 - > Uh, for some people it feels as though it's innate, that we 175 - > connect with what's happening internally first. 176 - > But for the vast majority of the world, I think I've often said 177 - > about 80% of us, we externalize everything first. 178 - > So we have a gigantic reaction and then afterwards say,"Oh, 179 - > gosh, I wish I'd thought.
180 - > I wish I'd..." So I think about mindfulness as the practice that 181 - > we need to be doing all the time, um, in order to build 182 - > ourselves to a place where we know we can trust how we're 183 - > going to respond and not react. 184 - > And so part of the teaching of mindfulness is teaching simple 185 - > skills to help us recognize it's not hard to do, it's difficult 186 - > to remember. 187 - > So in the early days, the remembering,"Oh, I'll bring 188 - > myself back.
189 - > Oh, I've drifted away. 190 - > I need to come back again. 191 - > I need to notice that I am here now," till it just becomes such 192 - > a deep feeling in your body that makes you feel as though I am 193 - > with what's happening. 194 - > My mind isn't going.
195 - > And the realization of teaching people to recognize that their 196 - > thoughts are taking them away. 197 - > Mm. 198 - > So I teach simple things like if your thoughts are like cars in 199 - > the traffic. 200 - > So you notice traffic driving past, we just think traffic.
201 - > We climb into our thoughts as if they're real, and we go off with 202 - > them on a long route sometimes. 203 - > We could be gone a couple of hours without recognizing that 204 - > if we're thoughts are just traffic, it's just a car. 205 - > We don't say,"That's a red hybrid Ford." We just say it's a 206 - > car.
207 - > Maybe we might say it's a red car. 208 - > We get so used to connecting with our thinking that we go off 209 - > with our thoughts. 210 - > For me, it's much easier to stay with what is my body feeling 211 - > because my mind is just gonna keep thinking. 212 - > But I can feel anxiety's arrived.
213 - > I can feel, I feel ans- worrying is here, fear is here, and my 214 - > first thought is,"Come here. 215 - > Stay present. 216 - > Let me calm you." So if you learn that over the most 217 - > ordinary things on a daily basis, it just becomes second 218 - > nature.
219 - > So it's just important to know it isn't hard. 220 - > Mm-hmm. 221 - > It's difficult to remember. 222 - > It's much easier to practice when you're practicing it on a 223 - > really regular basis.
224 - > Just tap, tap on the chest,"Come here. 225 - > Come here, Helen." Make a space for it. 226 - > The easy part of teaching that everyone will know is Victor 227 - > Frankl's, um, between his, between the stimulus and 228 - > response, there is a space.
229 - > And in that space, if we take it, is our ability- To choose 230 - > our response. 231 - > It's making the space. 232 - > So it's the constant awareness of how did that impact me? 233 - > What happened in my body, uh, before I go, before I get in the 234 - > car and drive off with a story?
235 - > I am here now with this, and that just becomes ease really. 236 - > Mm. 237 - > I'm safe. 238 - > I'm here now with this, regardless of what this is.
239 - > Does that make sense? 240 - > Jean: Mm-hmm. 241 - > Completely. 242 - > Yeah.
243 - > I have an exercise that I invite clients to do if they're really 244 - > struggling with this, and that's to set a timer on their phone 245 - > for four or five times a day. 246 - > And when it goes off- Obviously silently if they're in a meeting 247 - > or something, just to, to do a quick scan of where am I? 248 - > You know, is my mind gone off with worries? 249 - > Is it in one of the cars?
250 - > Is it traveling somewhere? 251 - > And, um, when people have started doing it, they said they 252 - > instantly were able to find the space quicker. 253 - > Mm. 254 - > Or they would suddenly become aware that they were beginning 255 - > to be angry about something, or triggered, or upset, or they 256 - > were just- Mm able to come back into themselves and carry on 257 - > with their day, make decisions, talk to people.
258 - > Um, but it was... 259 - > it's a kind of a way of not even having to remind yourself to do 260 - > it. 261 - > The alarm goes off, you do it, and you can do it anywhere, 262 - > standing at a desk, uh, sitting in a meeting. 263 - > Helen: I think there are reminders throughout the world.
264 - > Like, as you know, I lived in the Middle East for a long time, 265 - > and I learned the call to prayer happening really regularly was 266 - > an opportunity for a non-Muslim person like me just to touch 267 - > myself and say,"I'm here." Like, "Come here." Just, yeah, that's 268 - > the call to being awake for me. 269 - > Um, where I live currently in New Zealand, there is a school 270 - > nearby, and I can hear the school bell ringing, and so I've 271 - > associated when the bell rings, I again just,"Hello, come here."
272 - > But mostly because I've been doing this for a long time, I'm 273 - > here. 274 - > It's just hello. 275 - > It's the connection that I'm making. 276 - > In the early days, we need to remind ourselves until it just 277 - > becomes part of how we are.
278 - > We, we are here. 279 - > Yeah. 280 - > Jean: Yeah. 281 - > And we can, we can create those things, so we can say,"Okay, 282 - > when I go and make a cup of coffee- 283 - > Helen: Mm-hmm 284 - > Jean: or wash my hands- Mm-hmm or clean my teeth," and those 285 - > are moments to, to tune in in that way.
286 - > Helen: And you know, I'm, um, older these days. 287 - > I'm doing strength training a lot. 288 - > So my practice of putting the kettle on in the kitchen is to 289 - > stand on one leg and balance, and I recognize that because my 290 - > attention is drawn to what my body is doing, I am present to 291 - > that. 292 - > So, and now at this particular time of the day, it's time for 293 - > me to do some other strengthening exercises.
294 - > If I walk up the stairs, I do several stair, hop step, hop 295 - > step, pick up a weight. 296 - > That's telling me that I know what I'm doing and I am here. 297 - > I think of all the times people have throughout the day when 298 - > they first sit in a chair. 299 - > My latest rule has become when I sit down, I stand up and sit 300 - > down again several times because that's strengthening.
301 - > For my legs. 302 - > But in the early days when I just presumed I was always 303 - > strong, I used sitting down as a pause. 304 - > Be here, now begin. 305 - > So it's just a pause.
306 - > It's the, what my mind is on. 307 - > Today I'm really happy to say it's, it's about am I strong? 308 - > Am I strengthening myself? 309 - > Have I moved enough?
310 - > And all of that tells me I am present, I am here. 311 - > And of course, I attach it with a deep breath. 312 - > That's what I do with the pause. 313 - > The space is a deep breath.
314 - > Jean: Mm. 315 - > Helen: Mm. 316 - > Jean: I love this because what we're talking about now is 317 - > mindfulness, and I think for many people, they hear 318 - > mindfulness and they assume that that means they need to sit and 319 - > meditate for 30 minutes. 320 - > Mm-hmm.
321 - > And what we're talking about is taking 10 seconds- Mm-hmm to 322 - > just tune in. 323 - > It's not- 324 - > Helen: Mm-hmm 325 - > Jean: these are not long times. 326 - > These are just moments in the day. 327 - > Helen: I love...
328 - > I was talking with a girlfriend recently about how we come to 329 - > our center and, and she said, because we'd spoken about 330 - > mindfulness, it occurred to her that when she uses a walk to 331 - > notice, I'm walking and I'm noticing, oh, I just noticed 332 - > some plants. 333 - > I noticed that tree. 334 - > I noticed that I'd never really noticed before. 335 - > But because I'm drawing attention to the things that are 336 - > on my pathway, I am here.
337 - > And I said,"Well, I sometimes go for a walk and call it, um, it's 338 - > my thankfulness walk now." So I walk at tuning in whilst I'm 339 - > using my body to move with the list of ever-growing things that 340 - > I'm deeply thankful for. 341 - > I'm so thankful. 342 - > I am so thankful, is what I'm saying to myself.
343 - > But my next walk might be, let me notice the autumn trees. 344 - > Let me just... 345 - > There, isn't that beautiful? 346 - > And my next walk might be me saying out loud,"This world is 347 - > so beautiful.
348 - > New Zealand is so beautiful." Mm. 349 - > And all of that is, I am here now with this. 350 - > I'm out for lunch yesterday with friends, and I was finding 351 - > myself just so thankful to be in their company.
352 - > Mm. 353 - > Helen: And noticing that I'm noticing that I'm in their 354 - > company. 355 - > We're not just having lunch. 356 - > I'm so grateful.
357 - > Mm. 358 - > Does that make sense? 359 - > It 360 - > Jean: does. 361 - > Helen: It does.
362 - > That's all mindfulness practice. 363 - > Jean: Mm-hmm. 364 - > Psychologists talk about sort of this is metacognition. 365 - > Helen: Mm.
366 - > Jean: And I saw a social media post the other day talking about 367 - > how metacognition... 368 - > So metacognition is the, it would be described as the 369 - > ability to observe and notice ourselves, that we're aware of 370 - > ourselves. 371 - > Mm. 372 - > So just talking about the powerful impact it has on our 373 - > mental wellbeing- Mm that ability to notice and observe 374 - > ourselves.
375 - > Mm. 376 - > Yeah. 377 - > Helen: Yeah. 378 - > I'm paying attention to you.
379 - > You matter- 380 - > Jean: Mm 381 - > Helen: to me. 382 - > Yes. 383 - > It's like an ongoing love affair all the time. 384 - > Mm.
385 - > So it's interesting when you apply these concepts to the 386 - > really difficult things that are happening externally in the 387 - > world right now. 388 - > And they really are difficult. 389 - > We have no control over any of it at all, and I've noticed the 390 - > people I'm talking to are saying,"I feel as though I'm 391 - > really out of control." And when I dig down into w- what do you 392 - > not have control over really, it's the notion of I don't know 393 - > what's going to happen next.
394 - > And I'm like to have a conversation about how we never 395 - > know what's going to happen next. 396 - > We think we know, and we've kept ourselves safe by believing that 397 - > we know. 398 - > Mm. 399 - > But actually, the next moment just extends out of the last 400 - > moment.
401 - > And if we just stay present to ourselves in this moment, then 402 - > at least we know regardless of what happens, I know where I am, 403 - > and I can trust how I'm going to respond rather than react. 404 - > I know it will be a deep breath. 405 - > Mm. 406 - > Which will just settle my system, and then I know that I 407 - > can trust myself to do the thing that I need to do next.
408 - > Instead of worrying about trying to control a future that hasn't 409 - > actually arrived yet, it just feels like it's going to. 410 - > Jean: Mm. 411 - > Helen: Big. 412 - > Jean: Yeah.
413 - > And I, I think that's particularly acute at the 414 - > moment- Yeah because of the, the global environment and, um, I n- 415 - > I noticed myself,'cause I live on a high floor, worrying about 416 - > something, and then I thought... 417 - > I looked around and I thought, "I'm surrounded by high-rise 418 - > buildings." And I thought how ridiculous is it that probably 419 - > everybody in these high-rise buildings, thousands and 420 - > thousands of people, are worrying about something that 421 - > actually we, A, have no control over.
422 - > Helen: Mm-hmm. 423 - > Jean: Uh, and B, isn't actually directly impacting me right at 424 - > this moment. 425 - > I mean, there are some impacts. 426 - > You know, our fuel bills- Mm have all gone up because- Mm of 427 - > what's been happening in the Middle East, for instance.
428 - > Mm. 429 - > So people are impacted, but actually there's something about 430 - > the accessing of all of that information that- Mm the, 431 - > through the news and social media and things, that is just 432 - > making it so much worse. 433 - > And if I stop and notice right in this moment- 434 - > Helen: Mm-hmm 435 - > Jean: actually it's kind of ridiculous that I'm worrying 436 - > about it, because right in this moment right now, I'm having a 437 - > lovely conversation with you and...
438 - > Helen: Yes, and it's interesting to note, isn't it, that whether 439 - > it's the high-rise building... 440 - > For instance, a lot of my friends and clients live in the 441 - > Middle East, and those in high-rise buildings have been 442 - > frightened hugely by missiles right outside the window. 443 - > Must feel as though that is part of their sky. 444 - > Um, so they want to leave that, and others say,"Well, what can I 445 - > do about it?"
So that we come back to the inner system which 446 - > tells stories about our survival when you think about it. 447 - > We know this. 448 - > Right now, petrol's never been higher. 449 - > I noticed driving yesterday with a friend, he, he commented,"Oh 450 - > my word, look at the price of diesel."
So we know that impacts 451 - > life in New Zealand because everything's delivered by truck, 452 - > by diesel. 453 - > Right now, there seems to be a fine abundance of everything. 454 - > When there isn't, we will still have to handle our lives, and I 455 - > would rather be aware of the fact that I can see where I am 456 - > and what is happening, and I'm calm enough to work out what to 457 - > do or to receive instruction than to be lost in space 458 - > worrying about an outcome that actually hasn't happened yet.
459 - > Takes up so much air space, makes your body feel tight, 460 - > right? 461 - > Come back into the, well, I am here now with this, and I can 462 - > trust myself. 463 - > Jean: Mm-hmm. 464 - > Yes.
465 - > I'm just gonna say yes, I can. 466 - > Let's g- go on from that a little bit because I think that, 467 - > um No, let me come back to one, another question. 468 - > Sorry, let me just see what we were up to. 469 - > I think we've covered most of those.
470 - > Um Where can somebody who's really struggling begin? 471 - > Helen: Well, that's a very good question. 472 - > Excuse me. 473 - > That's a very good question.
474 - > Where can we begin? 475 - > Well, we only have right now in this moment. 476 - > But do you know there's a whole series of ways that we can learn 477 - > how to calm our nervous system. 478 - > So I th- I was thinking about listening to you, um, talking 479 - > about worry and, and, and how you wrote, uh, you suggested we 480 - > write a whole list.
481 - > Well, I was thinking about the list that probably sits 482 - > somewhere in my mind or in my body about the ways I can soothe 483 - > myself on a regular basis. 484 - > And so I've started to ask people, how do you ground 485 - > yourself? 486 - > So how do you begin to live differently is how do I begin to 487 - > h- have a series of things I can do that can change my 488 - > relationship to fear, anxiety, and worry, right? 489 - > Simple things like- I like having clean hands, and I notice 490 - > that I always turn on the tap and wait for the water to warm 491 - > up.
492 - > But the first time I didn't do that and realized the water in 493 - > New Zealand is very cold in comparison to where I've come 494 - > from recently, the flush of cold water on my hands gave me a sort 495 - > of a burst of presence. 496 - > "Oof, that's really cold." And now I've realized that if I'm, 497 - > uh, anxious or worrying about something, if I just run my 498 - > hands under cold water, it immediately snaps me to here. 499 - > It's such a simple thing to do.
500 - > Jean: Mm-hmm. 501 - > Helen: You know, conversely, if a little comfort is needed, I'd 502 - > go wash my hands in warm water, quite hot water, and enjoy the 503 - > feeling of the soap and the cleansing. 504 - > And when I've finished, then I'd like to put some hand cream on. 505 - > These are things that we can all do, and we're saying the whole 506 - > time,"This is soothing.
507 - > This is touching me. 508 - > This is connecting with my body. 509 - > Like, I am here now." So the, the other thing is use the 510 - > sunshine.
511 - > Uh, because I'm used to living in the Middle East and not, uh, 512 - > embracing the sunshine so much, here I've realized in New 513 - > Zealand, if I walk out into it, it's very, very hot. 514 - > I'd forgotten. 515 - > But if I stand for a moment and put my face to the sun or turn 516 - > and put my back to the sun, I'm immediately somehow or other 517 - > soothed and present to myself. 518 - > So if we begin by knowing there's a whole series of steps 519 - > we can use to approach ourselves with care and attention and 520 - > recognition...
521 - > You know, on the list is, um, interesting things for me. 522 - > I've taken to eating apples on a regular basis. 523 - > You think when you move your jaw around a lot, crunching your way 524 - > into an apple, you release a whole lot of pressure in your 525 - > jawline. 526 - > So eat an apple.
527 - > If you're the kind of person who grips, eat an apple, but crunch 528 - > your way through it, or a handful of really crunchy nuts. 529 - > Mm. 530 - > You realize that you're releasing. 531 - > Or do what the animals do.
532 - > Just stand for a minute and shake all over. 533 - > Or because I'm into strengthening, uh, really run 534 - > quickly on the spot for a moment or do a huge breath in and a 535 - > lovely little Tai Chi move or something. 536 - > The- these all take seconds. 537 - > Mm.
538 - > But this is the beginning of recognizing if I start with me 539 - > and I notice what my body is needing- Then I learned how to 540 - > soothe my autonomic nervous system and not go off with it. 541 - > Mm. 542 - > But also like cry or laugh- Mm or sing- Mm or dance or paint or 543 - > write or knit- Mm or whatever uses your hands and makes your 544 - > body work like that. 545 - > They're simple things.
546 - > Or hum. 547 - > Jean: Mm. 548 - > Helen: Just take a huge, big, deep breath in and make a 549 - > humming noise really loudly, and feel the vibration in your body. 550 - > You're become present.
551 - > So any of these things are a beginning practice to being in 552 - > the moment. 553 - > Jean: Mm. 554 - > Helen: But I'll tell you, one of the things I do that made me 555 - > laugh, I've only really realized it, uh, in the last few years. 556 - > When I feel anxious, I start moving the books in my bookcase.
557 - > I st- I think I stack them from, in height down to short. 558 - > Sometimes I turn them around and stack them from short up to 559 - > high. 560 - > And I notice some people put their books in colors. 561 - > But what we're doing is making order externally, soothing your 562 - > body on the inside when you think about it.
563 - > Mm. 564 - > It's learning these practices is teaching ourselves to moderate 565 - > our nervous system reaction, and in fact, be able to work out a 566 - > choice response instead of reaction. 567 - > Jean: And 568 - > Helen: they're- Does that answer the question? 569 - > Jean: Beautifully.
570 - > And they're all about coming back into our body and out of 571 - > our mind. 572 - > Helen: Yeah. 573 - > Jean: Yeah. 574 - > Mm.
575 - > Mm. 576 - > Helen: But every one of them, especially if you do anything 577 - > physically. 578 - > Jean: Mm. 579 - > Helen: So I've always thought go for a walk, but here we have 580 - > weather, so the go for a walk is, I don't want to go walk in 581 - > the rain.
582 - > But actually, I can walk backwards. 583 - > Walking backward is really good for strengthening, but actually 584 - > it makes you pay attention. 585 - > Jean: Mm. 586 - > Helen: Or jumping up and down on the spot, or doing all sorts of 587 - > funny little weird exercises.
588 - > I am here now. 589 - > I'm here now with me, with this. 590 - > Jean: Mm. 591 - > Helen: Right?
592 - > This is how you begin. 593 - > Yeah. 594 - > It, the, you realize that the whole practice of mindfulness 595 - > sits on be of awareness of self- Mm and breath first and then. 596 - > Jean: Mm.
597 - > Mm. 598 - > Yeah. 599 - > Mm. 600 - > Helen: Sounds so simple, but we somehow or other seem to have 601 - > forgotten.
602 - > Jean: Yeah. 603 - > I think I, um- I, I think our modern life has just decided 604 - > that that's not what we should be doing. 605 - > I mean, I, I've started going for walks without listening to 606 - > something- Yeah'cause I, you know, I listen to podcasts and 607 - > audiobooks- Yeah and things all the time, and I really, really 608 - > value that. 609 - > Yesterday I went to the botanic gardens.
610 - > As you know, I go there a lot. 611 - > Mm. 612 - > And I found a tree I'd never seen, which is... 613 - > I can't believe I'd never seen.
614 - > It's majestic. 615 - > And I believe I found it because I was not listening. 616 - > I wasn't distracted. 617 - > I wasn't- Mm thinking.
618 - > I was just being there, and- 619 - > Helen: You were in your body- 620 - > Jean: Mm 621 - > Helen: walking. 622 - > Jean: Yeah. 623 - > And wow, I'll be going back to find that tree again. 624 - > It was really a beautiful tree.
625 - > Helen: So I walk a lot around where I am, and I recognize... 626 - > I walk with a friend, I'm totally engaged with her, and I 627 - > get all my steps in. 628 - > But I walk with thankfulness, I'm totally engaged in 629 - > thankfulness. 630 - > Mm.
631 - > So the next time I go for a walk, I might say,"Today we 632 - > might listen to something." I sometimes listen to you, to be 633 - > honest, because I just adore you and I love the sound of your 634 - > voice. 635 - > And so I listen to a podcast when I'm walking, and I think 636 - > I'm walking with Jean. 637 - > I'd blow that we're so far away from each other.
638 - > Yeah. 639 - > So that's a, that's a gorgeous thing to do. 640 - > But other times I choose an awareness walk. 641 - > Just be present with what's here.
642 - > I was walking in the lovely little local bush near me one 643 - > day, and suddenly a bee sort of came rushing past, banged into 644 - > my neck, and left a great deep sting in my neck, which I 645 - > struggled to pull out. 646 - > It gave me pause for thought, and I thought, I w- see, would 647 - > that have happened if I'd been talking with somebody, if I'd 648 - > been listening to something? 649 - > I was so engaged with what was happening, boff, a bee said 650 - > hello.
651 - > It swelled my neck for quite a while, and that made me laugh. 652 - > Mm. 653 - > And that was just what was happening now. 654 - > Yeah.
655 - > Jean: It was. 656 - > Helen: Yeah. 657 - > Jean: It was. 658 - > Mm.
659 - > I think we're probably... 660 - > I'm gonna start asking. 661 - > I think we're probably coming to the end. 662 - > I'm wondering if there's anything else.
663 - > So let me ask you that question. 664 - > Mm-hmm. 665 - > Um, so Helen, we're coming to the end of our conversation. 666 - > I'm wondering if there's anything that you would like to 667 - > share with us as we draw to a close.
668 - > Helen: Well, well, g- I was thinking when you asked me the 669 - > first question earlier, what have I been noticing about 670 - > people? 671 - > And I said I've been noticing their autonomic nervous system 672 - > reactions over which they feel they have no control. 673 - > But the other thing I've noticed hugely, and which you and I have 674 - > talked about in the past quite a bit, is the number of people 675 - > who've sunk into victimhood. 676 - > Why is this happening to me?
677 - > think it's very hard to take these enormous worldwide 678 - > international events that are happening and personalize them 679 - > so much that you say,"Why is this happening to me?" But 680 - > that's because that's also a trained survival mechanism. 681 - > And, and a lot of people would call that,"I feel really sorry 682 - > for myself right now." Um, eh, but I, I would call it the 683 - > notion of your body calling you to recognize that you need 684 - > attention.
685 - > So why am I feeling sorry for myself right now? 686 - > Because I actually might need to say, and you w- that I'm, uh, 687 - > I'm in an unsafe place. 688 - > You addressed it when you were talking in your podcast about 689 - > worrying, actually naming worries. 690 - > So when you name,"Oh, gosh, I'm really feeling quite frightened 691 - > about that.
692 - > I wonder if this could happen to me," a- and you stay present to 693 - > it, and you breathe into it, and you offer yourself as much 694 - > kindness and compassion, you stop stopping at,"Why me? 695 - > Poor me. 696 - > Why is this happening to me?" And you enter into, actually, 697 - > this is a worldwide phenomenon.
698 - > It's happening to so many of us. 699 - > We need to say to each other,"I don't think I've ever felt this 700 - > scared before," or,"I don't think I've ever felt this 701 - > anxious, this frightened, this sadness, this fear for others." 702 - > And when you name it like that, it stops being,"Gosh, I'm so 703 - > frightened. 704 - > Why is this happening to me?"
And it becomes a worldwide 705 - > conscious connectedness of, my body is asking for attention, 706 - > and I've turned it into self-pity when in actual fact I 707 - > could make it,"I'm with you. 708 - > I'm here. 709 - > I know that you're frightened." A- and the sentence that I quite 710 - > often teach people is, even though I'm in the middle of all 711 - > this fear, which is true, in the middle of this anxiety in my 712 - > body, which right now is also true, I know that I can deeply 713 - > connect with myself and others, offer kindness to them and to 714 - > me, and there is safety in that, and thank God for it.
715 - > So we're transforming the feeling of self-pity to,"Yes, 716 - > I'm listening to you, Helen. 717 - > I know that you need support right now." And we're instantly 718 - > soothed, so we're back to the relationship with self. 719 - > I feel like that's kind of important.
720 - > Jean: It's very important. 721 - > Helen: I think- The other thing that I started with, because you 722 - > said, um, let's write things, because I know that you're a 723 - > writer, and you know that I don't. 724 - > It's so interesting. 725 - > I know you write, and it's so helpful to you I remember years 726 - > ago being tasked by one of my teachers with,"What's happening 727 - > to you, Helen?
728 - > I feel so sorry for myself right now." Self-pity, victimhood was 729 - > a big stance for me. 730 - > And she said to me,"I'm going to give you an A4 sheet of paper. 731 - > Have you head it up,'I feel so sorry for myself because...'
732 - > Fill every line and bring it with you tomorrow." So I arrived 733 - > with it tomorrow to our meeting, and she said before we even 734 - > began,"Helen has something she's going to read out loud to us. 735 - > Every line and every word, please." And I realized by the 736 - > time I got to about point four of about what looked like 737 - > however many lines there are, 25 lines, that really I was making 738 - > mountains out of molehills and I was caught in my thinking, and 739 - > that my body was asking for something.
740 - > It was asking for my attention and my kindness. 741 - > Mm. 742 - > And I was telling the story of, it's not fair instead. 743 - > So, so maybe that's another interesting way of learning how 744 - > to start and to be present to ourselves.
745 - > Not to despise the pity, but rather to see it as a call to 746 - > the action of,"I'm with you, I care about you." And you'll 747 - > notice that the self-pitying will dissolve much more quickly 748 - > because you've paid attention to it with love. 749 - > Yes. 750 - > Jean: Yeah.
751 - > I love this. 752 - > I, I, um, I think this connects to how I often talk about it 753 - > would be self-compassion, but it, it is all of that. 754 - > It's the kindness, it's the acknowledging, and it's not, um, 755 - > it's not belittling the experience. 756 - > It's saying,"Yes, this is hard, and yes, there's fear and, and 757 - > it's there, and I'm going to be compassionate towards myself," 758 - > and see that- 759 - > Helen: What a gift.
760 - > I mean, what a gift. 761 - > If mindfulness has taught me anything, it's that when you 762 - > spend enough time being aware with yourself, you fall in love 763 - > with yourself in the richest, nicest, kind of possible way. 764 - > Enough so that you want to give it to others, right? 765 - > That's compassion in action, is l- what love is really, isn't 766 - > it?
767 - > Mm. 768 - > And self-kindness. 769 - > So if we started there, we wouldn't have to indulge in,"I 770 - > feel so sorry for myself." That's one of the great gifts of 771 - > mindfulness practice to me.
772 - > Even in the middle of the world being mighty chaotic right now 773 - > and totally out of control. 774 - > Mm. 775 - > We, we aren't. 776 - > Jean: No.
777 - > Helen: We can find our center. 778 - > We, we, we 779 - > Jean: are... 780 - > Helen: Yeah, we're in a place and where we're so centered in 781 - > ourselves- Mm that actually we feel connected- Mm on every 782 - > level. 783 - > Mm.
784 - > Yeah, because we've come home first. 785 - > Yeah. 786 - > Jean: Helen, thank you so much. 787 - > I am, am so grateful that we've, we've had this conversation.
788 - > I feel very grounded uh, in this conversation, and I hope others 789 - > listening too feel this possibility, this incredible 790 - > hope which mindfulness brings us, this opportunity to be 791 - > connected in with ourselves. 792 - > And, and I love what you've just been saying, that when we do 793 - > that, we're also better able to connect with others. 794 - > Helen: Mm. 795 - > Jean: It's a collective act.
796 - > Mm. 797 - > And that is very beautiful. 798 - > And particularly at work, I believe people need this more 799 - > now than ever. 800 - > Thank you.
801 - > Helen: Oh, it's our humanness really, isn't it? 802 - > We are all of those things. 803 - > Jean: Mm. 804 - > Helen: Yeah.
805 - > Thanks, Jean. 806 - > I've loved, of course, spending time in your company and your 807 - > energy.
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