E104 - Celebrating Women's Day: Why empowerment matters and how to make the difference.

Happy International Women's Day. Yes, you're here. You're listening to me. It's two days after the International Women's Day, probably.

I am recording this just one day before the International Women's Day. And today I decided to share my story and talk about why am I doing what I'm doing? Why am I recording these episodes? Why am I focusing so much on women empowerment and why I think that it's still relevant and really important to celebrate International Women's Day?

because I think if you know the story behind, you will understand. And I think facts and data and, you know, all these cold ways of talking about International Women's Day is important because it gives a perspective and the scale of the problem. But also, I just want to share a true story, things that happened in my life that actually led me here. Okay.

This is a special episode. And this is a special episode also because this will be the last episode of the season. It's been three years that we have been broadcasting every single week, more than three years. And I decided to take a break, a small one, you're not going to even notice it, and regenerate and rethink about She's Awesome and bring She's Awesome to its next level so that we have, you know, I don't want to say better, but maybe bigger guests and bigger topics to talk about.

And we do things with more boldness and fiercelessness. Can you say that? Anyhow, just tune in and listen to my story and let's celebrate International Women's Day together. Welcome to the She Is Awesome podcast, the home for women business owners filled with extraordinary stories, giggles and thoughtful conversations, offering inspiring takeaways for your life and your business.

all right chicas so why am i here why am i doing what am i doing why every single day i try to help women empower women and make sure that i contribute to this thing called gender inequality or gender equality. I mean, why even at this day and age, we have to talk about it? And what really motivates me? I'm going to tell you something.

As I mentioned at the intro, it's not the facts and figures that motivate me. I mean, there are facts and figures about, you know, climate change, about a lot of things, a lot of injustice out there. And I am all aligned with all those causes, but I'm not doing personally something. Why am I so strongly involved in making this world an equal place for women?

So I'm going to tell you my story. Now, I think I was eight, nine years old. So let me give you the context. I was born in Turkey, Some of you might know.

And when I was eight, nine years old, I was living in a small city next to Istanbul with my parents. And we had just moved from our little tiny flat to this new flat. And it was kind of like the singing, dancing flat. And I was so happy because it was all new.

I remember our kitchen. Our kitchen was like wowsers. My mother is an architect and she had designed it. So this is 90s, guys.

Okay. And our kitchen cupboards had like stripes on them, yellow and white stripes. Okay. Imagine seeing that kitchen with your eight years old eyes.

It's like a candy, you know, jar, like a massive candy jar. So I loved our house and we started to stay in that house. And, you know, I was going to meet our neighbours. It's really kind of neighbourhoody in Turkey back then.

So anyhow, we met our neighbours. We started to, you know, get used to our house. And then one night while we were having our dinner, I started to hear it. And it was the first time that I was exposed to violence and real pain.

So I started hearing our neighbor next door neighbor the woman She was about 19 years old She was married to an older doctor who happened to work in the same hospital as my father And I was hearing her screaming and him slapping her. We were hearing furniture moving and the screams were getting louder. And it was just unbelievable. So I'm here looking at my parents and my parents were continuing to eat and they understood what was going on.

I said, what's going on, mom? What's going on? Something is happening. And she said, oh, they're having an argument and they're having a fight and probably he's beating her up.

And then she continued eating. So let me tell you something. My mom is a feminist. My dad is one of the biggest feminists that I know.

But it was so ingrained in the culture. It was so accepted. And it was so obvious that we could not do anything for her. Anything.

Because if you call the cops, it is considered as family affair. So no one would come unless you're sure that actually he's about to kill her, right? So that was my first time. I felt rage.

I was like, I know her. She's like a big sister. She's only 19. You know, I couldn't think about it probably back then.

She's only 19, but she was close to me. She was, you know, she was sweet. She was giving me chocolates. I know her and she's being tortured next to my house and we're doing nothing and we're continuing our lives like we can't do anything.

Next day in the morning, he was leaving the house and he locked the house. So he locked the door when she was inside. That continued for a few days. And I started to treat him, of course, disrespectfully and angry in the lift or anywhere.

And I was just angry. Then everything calmed down. And then one day it would start again. And that became a cycle, right?

One year, two years, I don't remember. But one day, I remember the ambulance coming. The ambulance came and she had to be brought to ambulance, broken, completely swollen, you know, just tortured. And a few weeks later, she had to come back to that house, to that man again.

That was the first time I witnessed something like this. And I was revolted. It really made me angry as a child. It really made me angry that I couldn't do any fucking thing about this.

The problem is when you grow up in a country like Turkey, these kind of episodes, these kind of things become so usual stories. And slowly you become insensitive to it. You feel for it. You're like, oh, poor girl.

She got beaten by her husband. She got beaten by her uncle. She got raped by her other uncle or whatever. You know, the 12 year old girl got married to her uncle who was 40 years old.

You hear about these things. It's on the journals, but you just don't feel them anymore. And I just kept feeling them because I was able to say, fuck, what if it was me? What if it was me?

What if someone was torturing me day after day and no one was helping me. Now the glorious part of that story though, that person, 19 years old, she was actually making money with her side hassle. She was doing crochet, crochet baby boots, crochet baby sweaters and all that stuff. And she started to make more and more and more.

And she was putting all that money aside and she got out of that relationship. She kept her kid and she got out of that relationship thanks to that money because she saved enough. I think she got out of it maybe when I was 16, 17. So she stayed.

She had to stay and get tortured on a weekly basis for years, but she got out of it. And she got out of it thanks to that money. She created a foundation. And I'm just in awe of that kind of resilience.

She created a foundation. She created a foundation that takes actually certain skill sets into little towns in Turkey, teaches them to women Women there are of course accepting even more the violence from their husbands but at least they know that one day if they wanted they can actually have the power to get out of it And the power came from money. So this is the first key learning that I had. On the other hand, I grew up in the center of Istanbul when I went to a school.

And I have seen protests over protests. And I have seen specific targeting of women by cops. I have seen women who were not able to grab a job because they were at the age of getting married or getting pregnant. I mean, all of it.

So I grew up with that rage and that understanding that we have to stand up for each other. We have to still think and understand every day in ourselves, in our bones, that no, the world is not equal for us women. Whether you live in America or in Tombuctu, I don't care. whether you are holding a great job with an amazing pay equal to your partner or whatever.

I don't care. Somewhere in your day, in your life, you will face injustice and inequality because you are a woman. And it's still the case. There is not one country in this world that can claim gender equality.

Not one. Guess what? In this country, in the UK, In the Victorian era, there were 30% of entrepreneurs who were women. Right now, nothing has changed.

It's the same. We all know about the pay gaps and all that stuff. I'm not going to go into preaching why things are the way they are or what are the facts around things. the fact is that there is no gender equality.

You are listening to me right now. I'm telling you, you are not considerate as equal. At some point in your day, there will be something about it. Think about that.

Now, that's why International Women's Day is important because that is a day that reminds us to become sensitive to this, to say, holy shit, yeah, actually, I have to work harder. I have to have the mental load. I am still considered as the main carrot of my kids, although I am also working and contributing the same amount. I am still asked if I am going to have kids or am I thinking to have kids when I'm trying to apply for a job?

These are things that exist. It's not like, it's not gone. It's still here. Please don't lean in.

Don't lean in in this corporate world or don't lean in in this way. No. The only place to lean in is leaning into the movement. Whether you are a man, you're a woman, you're cisgender, however you qualify your gender, leaning into the movement because it is about equality.

And that's why, to me, International Women's Day is really important because it is about equality. It is about my daughter. It is about the next generation to live in an equal world. Now, am I going to give you an idea of the future?

No. I mean, would the future be better place if women were here or there? To be honest, we don't know because they've never been at those places. Not more women, not equal amount of women have been at the top places to lead this world.

So we don't know. We have never tried. But what I know is equality always brings better. Diversity always brings better.

So yeah, I would hope so. The future would be much better. The world would be a much better place. if we could only bring women up and put them in a place where they belong.

Half, half. Well, it's only fair. So in that sense, what can we do? What can we do to actually really make sure that things are changing?

I have three keys to this. The first one is empathy, right? Empathy is not just a concept. Empathy is the way that you allow your soul to suffer, to be that other person who's suffering Because that way you know that holy shit yeah that could have been me That just that I lucky You know I was born under the right stars That it That just a question of luck You could have been born in the wrong country being a slave right now.

So if you're not, it's just a question of luck. It's not because we were chosen or anything like that. It was just, you know, thanks God. And we owe to the other woman.

we owe to the other girls and we also owe to us because again I'm telling you we are not in an equal world either I mean yes there are countries there are situations there are people who are suffering a million times more you know they are not living a decent life just because they're women on a bigger scale as well whether you're living in a western country an advanced country. It doesn't mean that you are living an equal life. So empathy is the thing that actually fuels your passion to change things.

My second key is really actually belief. So a sort of faith. Now, I'm not a believer, but I have faith in possibilities in a better future. I do believe that we can design, create, generate a better future for humanity, for our next generations, and for ourselves.

So if you have that kind of faith, then you find it useful to fight for things. And that's where the activism comes, right? Anybody who is a tiny bit activist believes that they can change the world. And that is important.

You can change the world. We have to believe in our personal individual power to create the smallest change, to create that little tiny bit of change so that that actually creates the ripple effect, the butterfly effect, and it grows. And my final key or philosophy is community. Because community is the amplifier.

We have to lean in the community. We have to be able to create support systems that actually are connected to say, we believe in the same thing and we are passionate equally to make things happen, to change things. And that community gives you power when you want to sit back. And then you give them power when they want to sit back.

That is like the magic. Listen, I didn't believe in belonging for many, many years. I was afraid of it. But there is a very, very important lesson that I learned is being alone, none of my dreams was possible.

So you have to really be in a community or create your own community. I don't know. Make sure that you share that passion. You share that idea.

You share that concept so that it is shared and it is amplified. And again, the change can only happen when it gets out of your head and it goes into the world. And the world takes it and, you know, makes it their thing. And then they, again, diffuse it.

And that's how the change happens. And that's how we have to believe in change. And that's why, again, celebrating International Women's Day is important because it brings together communities. Tomorrow I'm going to an amazing big event because it brings together people who say, I am going to celebrate this day that is all about equality.

so with that my sister I'm telling you have an amazing international women's day month whatever you want and fight for it fight for equality however you do so not next week but very soon in a few weeks I'll be back here with much bigger much bolder much sexier she's awesome okay meet me back here I'll be online I'll be telling you when so in the meantime follow us on Academy for Women Entrepreneurs on Instagram or Jaylan Boyce so it's of course with my name Selan on LinkedIn we'll be back here very soon bye now well my friend thank you for listening to this She Is Awesome podcast.

If you want to share your extraordinary story and dare to inspire others, send an email to hello at academywe.com. You can find the email address in the show notes. Well, let's meet here again next week.

Take care. Bye now.