The Highs of Marriage and the Lows of Grief: A Raw Life Update

Hey ladies, welcome back to the Put Yourself First podcast. Thank you so much for being here. I wanted to record this chattier, more casual life update episode today. I've got a lot to update you on.

There's been a lot going on in life. Obviously, I know many of you are connected to me on Instagram and you'll know, but I also feel like I have my podcast girls who maybe you don't use Instagram or you're not following over there. I wanted to update you on wedding stuff today and also talk a little bit about grief and like some other difficult things that are happening right now to keep you in the loop but it's also very for me it's me being in integrity with the work I do is being real and not just sharing a highlight reel and not just sharing like all the cool fun stuff that's going on but also share the challenges especially as I support my clients through those challenges too, whether that be work stuff, whether it be grief, whether it be relationship stuff, like we all go through challenges.

So with that, this episode is going up on Monday the 8th of June, which means this is my last week in work before I sign off for the wedding, which feels crazy to say. Everyone told me it would fly by, it would be here before we knew it and I knew it would so to be here feels insane but also I'm not shocked that it has flown by. With that because it's the last week I'm in work let me tell you about the two offers I've got running for the rest of this week that end on Friday the 12th.

So the first is the next round of Cherished. I'm doing a very very very early bird, early babe as I like to call it for Cherished for women who want to secure their spot for the next round, but ultimately get started with the relationship work over summertime. So your spot for September, October will be secured with a deposit, which is your first monthly payment. So it's £125.

And then over summer, we'll have three one-to-one sessions. So you'll get to get started on the relationship work for and embodiment work and we're working together one-to-one so it's going to be super juicy like really deep really intimate I will really be able to dive in so if you're really wanting to deepen connection and intimacy with your partner over summer if you're wanting to work on your communication together if you are feeling especially as a high achieving woman working woman that you over function you over give and you want to receive more in your relationship you want your partner to step up and support you more and you just want to feel cherished you want to feel like a queen you want to feel like you're getting that queen treatment in your relationship cherished is for you currently there are two of those spaces left because one of them is already taken if you want to dive into that offer i'll put my instagram below that's normally the best place to get me and i can send you the details and if you want we can get you signed up for that this week the second thing is the sisterhood.

So this is more like for women who are looking to put themselves first and really fill up their cups with self-love, self-care, with community over the summer. We have our eight-week summer challenge beginning at the beginning of July and I wanted to run an offer leading up to the wedding to give you 50% off your first three months inside. So I don't do this regularly but I thought how fun if you can secure three months inside so that over the summer you know that is your space for stepping into your hot girl summer energy.

The eight week summer challenge is a new resource each week so it could be a meditation, it could be a challenge, it could be an EFT tapping. It's something to have you putting yourself first and taking time out of your busy schedule. But inside the SysThood, we also have our pleasure-led planning sessions. So at the beginning of every month, we plan our month together.

And that includes your personal goals and your work goals, your self-care and fitness and wellbeing, and the just boring life admin that you know you need to get done. Like you have that space every month to feel on top of everything, to not feel overwhelmed, to not feel overloaded. Time and time again, women come into those calls feeling like stretched, depleted, wondering how they're going to juggle it all. And then they leave the call feeling clear.

They have a plan and they're like, I can do this. I've got this. And I think when you live a busy full life, especially over the summertime, right? Wanting to relax and switch off and not be thinking about your to-do list.

Like I want to finish work early, I want to work less even over summer but still get everything done, still meet my expectations of responsibilities and things I'm working on. So that's what we're all about in the sisterhood, pleasure-led planning, pleasure instead of pressure when it comes to your goals with always a focus on you at the centre of it all. So if you want to feel hot, regulated, confident and just like the best version of yourself this summer, the sisterhood is the place to be.

With that being said, let's dive into updates. So that is the first update I guess, like work is crazy right now in the best way. We're moving to a brand new platform in the sisterhood which is great but it means that there's years and years worth of courses, content, clients, people who get my newsletter, all of that needs to be like moved over. It wouldn't be a cat move if it wasn't like at the worst possible time.

So it was the month before the wedding that I decided, yeah, let's do this. Let's move the entire business basically over to a new platform. So that's been a big, big project but we're almost there it's going really well so far there's been a few teething issues there's been some tech meltdowns I'm not a techie person I don't love the BTS like the software the tech side of things in business operations and stuff like that but once I know how to do something I will just I'm like a worker bee I will just like crack on you know I'm not going to be moaning.

I'm just going to be cracking on with it. But when things go wrong, I don't like that. I don't like it when I can't figure it out. But everything's been solved so far.

And yeah, in light of everything that I'm about to share personally, I think it's been healthy for me to have a really clear deadline of a project, you know, a big thing that needs to get over the line because it's given me that momentum and it's really forced me to focus and get shit done. And at the end of the day, like work is my outlet. It is one of my outlets. It is absolutely one of the things that I love to wake up in the morning and think about.

I wake up in the morning and I think about my partner, Adam. I think about my dogs. I think about my family and friends. I think about food.

I think about in the sunshine, being out in nature, maybe moving my body, food again, and then work. They're my passions. they're the things that are going through my mind on a daily basis and work is definitely up there like creative ideas projects like things I want to try I love the summertime because generally I don't really launch anything so this last week before the wedding is like the last promotional period if you will I'm going to do something with the new platform and this is taught over the summer but it'll be very chill.

So yeah, I love having something to like work towards and a dead, like give me a deadline. I'm gonna excel. So that's been really good and quite fun. It is fun in a way learning a new platform, having something to sink your teeth into.

I'm sure many of you girls relate if you're giving something at work, even if it's a challenge, you're like, I'm determined to be good at this. Like I'm determined to figure this out. Another fun work thing as well that I've got sorted over the past month is restructuring the business. So Put Yourself First Limited has been running since 2021 and for multiple reasons it makes sense to restructure.

So for UK gals I basically going from a limited company back to just being a sole trader at least for the next season like at least for the next few years just to simplify things I renamed the business back into my name and actually back into my new name, my married name. So I've decided to take Adam's last name. I decided that a while ago, I just don't think I explicitly said it online and I can talk more about that in another episode if anyone is curious. I was thinking about doing a wedding and relationship Q&A that's like, you know, like the nosiest question you want to ask, like the juiciest question that you're like, I know I shouldn't ask this, but like, can you talk about this?

Or can you share more about this? Or what are your thoughts on this? Like, I would love to do that. Maybe I can record that one for like, when I get back from the mini moon or just before we go, we'll wait and see.

I'm still figuring out when I'm going to I think when I legally change my name I'm gonna start the process of like shifting everything over to my new name but the business structure obviously you can you can trade publicly under any name you want and your business can still be called something else behind the scenes so yeah for now it's cat horrocks still but the new business is my new marital name which is really really sweet and I'm excited and I'm not gonna I love Cat Horrocks but I'm not gonna lie my new name is pretty fucking cool as well I'm excited to share it a few of the girls who've bought the tickets to Put Yourself First live because that event ticket is linked on the new website they've obviously seen the new business name and a few people have messaged me like oh my god the new name which is really fun so with that quick wedding update so this is my last week in work when you hear this I boxed the week off leading up to the wedding just because I knew I know myself and I know that I wouldn't I knew I would need it and already I'm recording this at the end of May but I know even when you listen to this on from Monday the 8th of June I know I'm going to be fucking ready for a little break and we have our wedding and then we go straight to our gorgeous mini moon which I'll talk about in a second but I wanted time off by myself.

Adam's still going to be working until the day before the wedding. I feel like guys though can just switch off like Adam will be having the most stressful thing happening and he'll be like oh I hope I can sleep tonight and I'll always roll my eyes and I'm like of course you'll sleep tonight and I feel like as soon as his head hits the pillow it's just like it's like his brain just powers down whereas I'll be laying there like ruminating on that shit for at least 20 minutes before I fall asleep if I was stressed about something same with like walking about during the day like if I'm worried about something I have to really regulate myself to like relax and get my body back into that state of being rather than like bracing and needing to fix and being in that stress survival response and I feel like Adam will be like the stressful things happened he'll be dealing with it he'll talk about it he'll you know he won't bottle it up but then he's just it's like click done like over you know moving on to the next thing focusing on something else so I feel like he would literally just finish work on that Friday and be like yay marriage mode now whereas I need a little I need a bit of time especially with everything going on knowing that it's just so hectic but also the family stuff I need time to decompress and be with myself and relax and do my witchy shit like my practices my rituals my I just I want I want to have like a blessing and manifestation session for myself so that I can really honor this moment of like stepping over this threshold of becoming a wife of becoming a married woman honor the union honor the partnership that we're stepping into and like really celebrate that but also give myself a second to just like breathe and be with myself.

I am an introvert at the end of the day. I adore my friends and family to bits but I unless I had this week I would not have a second to myself in June so I'm really looking forward to it. It'll also be just so nice to get all the admin sorted. There's a few little things like I'm going to write everyone there a card.

It's something I really wanted to do. We have quite a small wedding. 55 people I think it is or just under. Many of those people are also couples so a couple will get a card if that makes sense.

Like if my one of my besties is coming with her partner I'm going to write them a card together. I'm obviously just going to write like an extra little note for her. I'm going to write a bit extra. But I guess it's like a thank you card that's being given on the day.

And because like we've been so clear on what we wanted the wedding to be, I wanted to share what I wanted to share with those people who are choosing to be there because it feels so special that this is stopping it. And also because we're not having a traditional bridal party like we're not having groomsmen we're not having bridesmaids I wanted all my closest friends to just have that like words of affirmation and those that special moment where maybe you'd write your maid of honour a card to say thank you to say how much their friendship means to you I'm not having that so I want to like create that in my own way so it'll be really nice to spend that week writing those doing any last minute prep need to drive to the Trafford Centre actually to get my ring cleaned.

I've been very disorganized with a few things, that being one of them. There are all these rules about weddings. You're supposed to send your ring to be cleaned so that it's like perfect against your wedding ring. Obviously your wedding ring is brand new so you don't want your engagement ring to look like dull, you want it to be shiny.

And there's like two different types of ring cleaning. You can get your ring quickly polished up in the store, refresh the diamonds polish the metal whatever it is go and get a coffee and then come back and it's done but then there's a special cleaning where they send it away and for platinum rings like mine they like use this special thing to really buff it so that it like buffs away any little tarnishes or scratches and it comes back literally looking brand new i should have had that booked in for a certain date so that it was backed by a certain date by the time you listen to this so I've been on my hen do in Lisbon.

I really wanted to have my engagement ring on on my hen do in Lisbon. So the timings just didn't work. But yeah, for anyone who's engaged, maybe something to be a bit more organised than me about, but I don't really care. I'm looking at my engagement ring now and I'm like, I think she looks cute and she's not been cleaned yet.

So a little polish, she'll be fine. Last minute, little bits like that and just to relax. Like I've literally not got any plans and I don't plan to make any plans. I might hang out with a friend if that falls into place, it falls into place, but honestly I just need some time by myself and that'll be really good for me.

And then we get married on the Saturday the 20th of June. We spend the weekend in Manchester which will be really fun. I did that on purpose because I thought if we end up coming home like the day after and staying over at our house before we then go away, I know I'm gonna leave that bubble because of the dogs and like I don't know I just end up like in dog mum mode probably like doing the laundry or something and I'm like no you're getting married once you're gonna be in your bougie bride energy so we've booked a hotel for the whole weekend so two nights and we're gonna literally just come home to drop our stuff say a quick hello to the dogs a quick hello and goodbye we have our fabulous dog sitter coming on this on the morning of the wedding actually because our photographer isn't a big dog person and I'm like keep those dogs away because if you're not a dog person and you meet Benji and Bella you're gonna be uncomfortable because they are beagles and they howl at the top of their little doggy lungs so she is amazing and she'll be here for the whole time but yeah we'll we'll be dropping in saying a quick hello and then we be back into the city centre with our mini moon suitcase so we are going to Italy we fly into Naples and then we going to get a car down to Priano So Priano we found because we wanted that Amalfi Coast vibe We wanted that for our little mini break after the wedding.

Obviously everyone loves Positano. It's so popular and I've also heard that it is packed like sardines packed in the streets when you're walking around because it is so popular and Priano is about 15-20 minutes drive away from Positano so you get a little bit more quiet a little less people but obviously still stunning very similar vibes of restaurants bars but like So many places are like rooftop restaurants and bars because they know you want the view. And the hotel we've bought with like a balcony, like seeing the pictures, it looks like something straight off a Pinterest board.

It's going to be so gorgeous. Adam's never been to Italy before and we're ending up going twice this summer because we're going for this mini break. Then we're also going again at the end of July for our other friends that are also getting married this year and they're getting married in Italy so lucky us we get to be there twice so we're Priano for two nights and that will just be your your classic your classic romantic sexy Italy vibes we're not really going to be doing much at all bar relaxing having sex drinking Afrosprits and sunbathing.

We were thinking of getting a taxi to Positano just to see it. It'd be rude not to and maybe going for like a lunch there or a dinner there or something but apart from that like it's just going to be so so so chill. And then we're having a night in Naples before we come home. I've heard very mixed reviews from Naples.

Some people like have raised their eyebrows when I've told them we're staying over in Naples. I think it can have a bit of a reputation. I mean, I grew up in Bolton, like how much different is it going to be? Like I've grown up in rough areas.

I feel like when you're northern in the UK, like that sort of thing, you're just like, whatever, like just absolutely fine. But then I've also heard other people saying, oh my God, I loved Naples. It was so fun. It was so cool.

It was so cool to explore. we're only there for an evening because we fly the next morning again we were sort of like why would we not spend the night in naples and have a napoli pizza like it would be ridiculous not to do that if we're already there flying from there so that's our thinking so a bit of bougie amalfi coast and then a night in naples that's our mini moon it's going to be so so so good i'm really looking forward to it and just decompressing and switching off. Okay so to end the life update on a really negative note, apologies and this isn't very nice to hear so if you're on a good vibe today and you don't want to hear about this then I totally get wanting to switch off.

My mother-in-law Adam's mum was diagnosed with cancer in April now. It's been a while that this has been happening. the week of Mother's Day, mid-March, we knew that she was struggling with something in her mouth. Like we originally thought it was maybe just an ulcer or allergic reaction, but we've come to figure out that like it's obviously been there for a while.

And I know many friends and other people have spoke about the challenges of like their parents and, you know, older generations going to the doctors, getting things checked up. Like attitudes can just be so different to these kinds of things so it's taken a white you know it took some persuasion to get her into a gp like to get the ball rolling figuring it out so she's been diagnosed with stage four i originally we thought it was stage three but it's stage four oral cancer so it's all in a tongue um jaw mouth throat and the only chance of survival with it is full jaw removal and even then it's not guaranteed.

So if anyone knows or knows of anyone who's had oral cancer and had that surgery, you cannot speak, you cannot eat, you have to survive through a feeding tube and immediately she just said no, I'm not doing that, I'm not having that, which we obviously fully respect her for making that decision. So her cancer is terminal. She's in palliative care currently. Obviously I'm recording this a few weeks away from it coming out.

Every week is different but the upside is she is so excited for the wedding and it's given her something to keep going and to be excited. The doctors have given a few months but they also said it could be weeks. It could be many more months like you just never know of these things but with the wedding coming we've known that she's hanging on absolutely hanging on for that like and it really means a lot for her to be there when we went around the other day me and my sister-in-law wedding was god like over 10 years ago now we found diane's shoes bag fascinator that she'd worn at my sister-in-law's wedding to Adam's brother when he got married and so all of that like looks perfect still so she's got all that I ordered her address online so she's all ready to come everything she needs to feel supported to feel comfortable to manage the pain like everything is happening you know in terms of the palliative care and stuff Macmillan are incredible and they fast track they've helped Adam's dad with so many different things but it's been a whirlwind it's been a whirlwind I'm feeling much more peaceful about it now it's hard when you tell people things that you've been dealing with behind the scenes for like months and months because to them it's such a shock to hear and it's so sad to hear and they're sort of processing it in real time and it's easy then to be like oh my god are you okay and it's not that I'm okay I'm definitely not okay but I've been we've been dealing with this for months you know we've been processing this for months we've known and suspected the worst for months I just remember this moment like a couple months ago it was probably like the end of March because it was when Adam was like still really pushing for you know different hospital appointments and GP appointments.

Like when I tell you it was like pulling fucking teeth, getting this show on the road of like getting the biopsy, getting the scan, getting everything done. It was really, really difficult. And if Adam hadn't pushed for all of this, like it would have taken even longer. But I remember this moment a couple of weeks.

I think they'd been to A&E. One of the nurses in A&E there was one of the first people and like nurses are just incredible people anyway but she was one of the first people to just give it to us straight and she said to Adam and Diane because his mum was obviously there, she said with your smoking history I'm not gonna lie it does look suspicious and I am worried for you and I want you know I want to make sure you get this, get all these scans booked in and everything. She was one of the first people to basically be honest in that way.

That night we were eating dinner and he just looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, this is really bad, isn't it? And I said, yeah, I think it is too. It's been really challenging to navigate your partner's mum going through that, being there for them, but also having the anticipatory grief yourself. And just in this year, like it's been the worst it's been literally like the worst timing it could not have happened at a worse time and it's it's crazy because in these situations you just think the only thing you can think is the timing of it must mean something you know like it must mean something that I don't know whether it's like that the wedding is more meaningful or that like our relationship as in our relationship with with his parents like is just more meaningful in this in this time like who knows like there is always bigger forces at play and I've definitely felt reconnected to that recently we've booked a weekend away the weekend before the wedding we're going away with Adam's family to the seaside and it something it somewhere Diane wanted to go because the doctors basically said like do do the nice things that you want to do you know enjoy yourself like you comfortable we're giving you as you know we've given you as much pain medication as you need like just go and enjoy yourself you know go and do some nice things spend time with those you love do anything you want to do so we're having this weekend away and we're like a difficult bunch to satisfy adam's parents, the kids.

So Adam and his brother, obviously me and my sister-in-law, like so them and their partners. And then Adam's brother and my sister-in-law have two kids. So not only is it like a big house we need for a big family gathering, but we also obviously have our babies, the dogs. So it needs to be dog friendly.

And then we also, as a non-negotiable for us, we need a secure outdoor space and literally every single thing we need is a tick for this place and it was available and it's the perfect location and it's available on the exact weekend we needed like we could only do that weekend and it's a last minute booking on a weekend in June I mean it's not kids school holidays yet but it's obviously a popular month for people to go away on a weekend and I just can't help but think the universe is conspiring with us for that and looking after us to make sure we can go on that trip and we wanted to go on the trip before the wedding and just give her these nice things to look forward to so this has been like one of the most challenging periods of my life like I'm not gonna lie and it's even harder ahead you know like it only gets it only gets harder from here.

Going through this with Adam and seeing how he is handling this is just incredible to see. Like I am so, so glad to be marrying him. One thing I've always admired about Adam is his loyalty for his family. Like the way he is so ride or die for his family.

The way he shows up for them. The way he will drop anything and go out of his way to be there for them. To provide for them to help them to lend them something like he is so all in for his family and obviously now more than ever that's the case the weekend we're going away to the seaside place that weekend was he was supposed to be doing an ultra marathon with his friend anyone who does sports events like you understand the gravity of like you commit to the day you have your training plan like everything is really fucking serious and he's just without even thinking he was like I'm calling my friend tomorrow I'm sad to let him down that we're not doing it together but there's no way there's no way I'm gonna do it like if this is the only weekend we can do we're not waiting until later to do this and that is just Adam all over like he will sacrifice himself and go out of his way to be there for the people he loves and also seeing him process this and like the way he is looking after himself the way he's opening up thank god we worked on our communication last year because the amount of hard conversations we've had the amount of little moments where one person will share and the other will just drop into this beautiful rhythm of holding space and hearing and mirroring back rather than needing to give advice or like you know just listening to each other like we've been so good at that and that was a skill we both really practiced last year during all the relationship work when I was in my certification thank god we worked on that because it it is in moments like this where you realize that you're a strong couple you know you're a strong couple you have strong communication you are just a team you are a team in life and when you're a team you're a team whether you're winning or you're fucking losing and the weird fucked up thing about my life right now our life right now is that one of the best things that's ever happened to me is happening and then one of the worst things that has ever happened to me is happening and I know Adam feels the same it's like the highest high and then the lowest low it's just really shit and you just have to be so real and just be like yeah it's really fucking shit and there's nothing we can do and we're in total surrender free fall like trust fall of the universe type vibe we're so grateful to have each other we're so grateful to have our families my parents have been amazing my friends have been amazing god my fucking clients have been amazing one of my clients is my longest standing client and on our session i think i'd vaguely referred to it on instagram and she just looked at me and said are you okay she was like i know you're going through a hard time at the moment and you know you just i don't know if she could just tell i wasn't feeling myself that day i was bottling it up i don't know she sent me like a care package with some beautiful self-care things, the kindness of my community, both clients, you know, friends, women who just follow me on Instagram and have sent me messages because they've been through it too and they've given the best advice, like really practical stuff, like really good advice.

I'm just so, so grateful. I feel, I feel so supported. I feel so resourced and I feel so loved. and you know that's all you can really ask for and hope for during a season like this because like I say it's not going to get any easier but I know I'm surrounded with everything that I can be surrounded with thank you so much for listening and I'm sorry it's not nice news it's not a nice thing to hear and to talk about but it's been really good to get it off my chest I've obviously shared about it more on Instagram but not really with the full context and the full story and yeah there's a lot going to be happening over the coming months and with that I always want to say thank you like thank you for being here and as I shared at the beginning thank you for giving me a reason to just pour my heart and soul into something outside of myself something bigger than myself something beyond myself I know so many of you will resonate with this when you love your job when you're passionate about the work you do it feels so good to access that part of yourself in grief and in times of real of real challenge it does give you real respite from personal things going on one person actually messaged me saying family is all that matters like work and wait take time off and whilst i respect that and maybe for that person that's what they that's what is honouring for them.

That's what their perspective of grieving is. That's not what works for us. And when I say us, I mean me and Adam. Like we have survived this period because of our routine, because being able to go to work, being able to go to the gym and like have that healthy level of separation where it's not all consuming.

All of that to say, for me, work is my passion. It's my outlet and holding space for other women literally fuels me. Like it feeds me. I am a flower planted.

My work is like my fertilizer, the watering, the sunshine. It's like it helps me grow and thrive and feel like the best version of myself. So as difficult as this season is, there's also so much beauty and having those real grounded moments of gratitude of like, this is what makes us feel alive you know this is what fuels us and for me my community and being of service like it fuels me. I want to do some really cool things for the rest of this year.

We've got Put Yourself First live in Manchester in September. The Sisterhood is on this brand new platform so I want to talk a lot more about that when I get home from the wedding. We're going to do another round of Cherished in the autumn like I ain't slowing down anytime soon and I'm here to be of service. I'm here to help other women also thrive, also heal, also create their dream lives.

And I'm just so grateful for you all for being here and listening in and tuning in. So there will be another episode next week and then I'll be taking a short break whilst we're away on our mini moon and then I'll be back in July. But thank you for hearing me. Thank you for listening.