Stefoni Rossiter - Still Becoming ~ More Living with Openness, curiosity, and possibility

Speaker A: Breaking through barriers, expanding career potential, transforming executives and business owners into emerging leaders. Welcome to Notable Leaders Radio. Here's your host with over 25 years experience guiding others in personal fulfillment and professional success. Advisor, coach and consultant, Belinda Prine.

Speaker B: Welcome to today's episode of Notable Leaders Radio where I will be speaking with Stephanie Ross Ambassador, retired high school theater arts teacher and an old college roommate of mine. I'm so excited to introduce you to Stephanie. She has been an inspiration in my life for many years and some of the things that I really love about her, she's just real, no muss, no fuss. She shows up as herself and it's such a gift to those of us around her. She has an insatiable abundance of curiosity which always leads to newer learnings and adventures and fun. But let me give you a little bit about her history. She is, as I said, a veteran theater arts performer, director, choreographer with over 50 years of experience. Now that's a day or two. Retiring from full time teaching in 2024, she now teaches middle school theater arts part time at a local charter school. Since retirement, she has, and you're going to hear a lot about this in the episode, talking about how fills her days with self care which incorporates, including creativity. So I love that. But just to give you a little insight, she has won the parent of the Year for the Autism M Society, the Mayor's award for Arts Educator of the Year, Teacher of the Year. When she retired, she was inducted into the hall of Fame. This is how Stephanie rolls. She just does her best. And there we go. So without further ado, welcome, um, Stephanie, I am so happy that you're here and you're willing to share your story with us today.

Speaker C: Happy to be here too, I really am.

Speaker B: Um, I'm like a little kid in a candy shop. I'm so happy that you were willing to share this story because you really were a lot of the inspiration for doing this still becoming series. So with that said, a question I ask everybody when we get started is who was your greatest influence as a kid when you were growing up? What did they teach you and are you still using that today or bringing it in your case to this next phase of your life?

Speaker C: So I mean there's a whole bunch of people, of course, when you're my age that have influenced you. When I am asked that, I always think of my high school dance teacher because she started me on a journey to explore my creativity and um, specifically through dance and movement. She was very young and pretty and sweet and encouraging and everybody loved her, of course. And I still am in touch with her after all these years. So that's pretty nice too.

Speaker B: Yeah. Because Steffi and I have graduated high school just a few years ago. So, you know.

Speaker C: Wow.

Speaker B: I love that. Yeah. So you retired in, is it 20, 24?

Speaker C: Yes.

Speaker B: Okay. So what did you think retirement was going to be like and what is the reality of it for you? Right.

Speaker C: Ye. Yeah. Well, uh, quite honestly, I didn't plan to retire that year. I thought I had one more year and then I had some family obligations to come up. I was sort of forced to make that decision. So I didn't really have this idea of what, you know, I can't wait to retire and this is what it's going to be like. I think I may be worried about it a little bit because I had a very, very busy career and a very busy life teaching and directing at the high school level, which. And I loved it. I still very much loved it. Pretty much all of it. But I can't say that the very last day of work, I turned in my keys to the theater, turned in my everything to the office, and I walked and I got in my car and I thought, oh, that's weird. I'm not going back there again. And I drove, um, to the beach. I live in a coastal community. I drove to the beach, was about half a mile away, and I got out and I stood on the sand and I looked at the waves and I started recording on my phone and I said, so this is retirement. And then I've thought about that a few times, that I haven't really been back to the beach since then. I guess I thought it was going to be sipping umbrella drinks under, you know, in the sand. And it hasn't. It hasn't really turned out to be that, but that's okay.

Speaker B: Well, and I know that you are now a part time caregiver to your dad. And I know that that's because I've done it twice now. That is a challenge when you're doing that. And in my case, I was working. You're doing that and you're building a new life when you weren't planning on doing it yet.

Speaker C: Right, right.

Speaker B: So how have you factored that into your life? Boundaries. No boundaries. Self care. I mean all of that. Because it all happened quickly for you.

Speaker C: It did. It did happen quickly. And, uh, that my last year of teaching, I was going in almost every weekend. My sister had also had issue and so she needed support. And so I was working and going in. And so it Was pretty intense. Yeah. And then plus saying goodbye to the kids and goodbye to the theater and goodbye to that part of my life. So it's changed over the course of time. I now am going, and he lives between two and three hours away, depending on traffic, you know, as he's progressing and his needs are changing. I'm going in every couple of weeks to give my sister a break. And she's recovered as well from her medical crisis. And so I have put in some boundaries of that, like I can't come in all the time. And I think just maybe being aware of my feelings about the caregiving. And it's not that I hate it, but it doesn't feed my soul.

Speaker B: Right.

Speaker C: And feed my heart. And so I have learned to manage that time there with him and be creative in itself. So, you know, just kind of finding a balance and maybe a heavy dose of acceptance that this is just what it is right now.

Speaker B: Yes. That surrender, this is outside of my control. How am I going to care for me in that process? And I know it's so easily to get lost in that kind of care scenario. So my heart is with you. And I'm sure people that are listening are going to go, oh, yeah, I hear you. I know, because it's just. It's tough and it's hard and it's sad. And yet, you know, when he looks and smiles at you and goes, hey, Stevie, you know, it can warm your heart a little.

Speaker C: Right?

Speaker B: One of the things that inspired me to ask you if you would be willing to share on, uh, Notable Leaders Radio is since you have retired and you finding your balance, caring for your stepdad, and you have just done so many things that inspire the heck out of me. But you. You said, I've had a lot of awakenings inside myself that have allowed you to embrace life after your rewarding and busy and creative career. Can you tell us a little bit about those awakenings and what that was like or what that is like for you? It's not past tense.

Speaker C: Both my sisters, I have two sisters, and both of them are very artistic with drawing, painting. And I always thought that they got that gene and that I didn't. So it's kind been in the back of my mind that I, you know, I'd like to try that someday. And I just happened to find a book at Barnes and Noble, shout out to Barnes and Noble. And they. And. And I brought it home and I just got the pencils. You know, I had. I kind of did some research on. Just started. So that was a big change for me because I had never done anything like that. And in fact, when I was teaching high school theater, one of the jobs that I had to do was run the stagecraft version of it too. So set design and. And that type of thing. And my drawings were literally stick figures, like, oh, yeah, happy faces for the audience and, you know, arms and like, uh, so. And the kids used to laugh at that. And I said, if I can do it, like with this and you can do it, because you're probably better than that. So I was pleasantly surprised that I had a little more ability than I thought I did. But really, the book that I used was very step by step, and I'm a very step by step person. So I didn't take any shortcuts and I followed all the directions and all the rules. So that's been fun. I've always, always. Go ahead.

Speaker B: Now, I'm going to interrupt you because, uh, we know that, or those of you that don't know. I have evaluated art my entire career, and my mother was an artist. I like you. Stephanie used to say, my stick figures are pathetic. And when I saw some of the drawings and the sketching that you were doing, I was completely blown away. You got the different lightings and shading and I mean, things that go way beyond getting the figure to look like you want it to look like. And that's part of what inspired me to do this. You just trying new things and doing it and, um, discovering. You know what, I'm pretty good at this. Now, you were using a book, which I will have a link to in the show notes. So no worries about that. I actually decided yesterday that I'm going to get the book and I'm going to see what I can do about changing that old story of my stick figures are pathetic to see what I can do and kind of go from there. So I just want people to understand that you discovered I'm kind of good at this.

Speaker C: I mean, I do think I impressed myself more than I thought, you know, But I also just want to say that I gave myself permission to fail. You know, I mean, like, it didn't matter. It didn't matter because I wasn't. I'm not trying to be. I'm not trying to sell those things. I'm not trying to make art for other people. That was just only for me. I did find time, and I do find time to continue that at home. But, you know, when I am at my dad's house, there's a lot of downtime. And so that's just one thing. I could bring a book. I could bring, you know, pencil. I can bring it. So that's just become a little bit of who I am now. And that's a fun thing. But it was okay when my picture of my car looked like the nose was smashed down. Do you mean like, it doesn't care? Who cares? Right.

Speaker B: Well, but that's such a gift. I might even call that the mic drop moment. I gave myself permission to fail. Right. I've got this mantra that I live by, and that's commit to the action. Let go of the outcome. You just don't know. And you just have personified that so brilliantly. And you have in your other creative adventures that you've kind of started up here, as well.

Speaker C: As a theater teacher, that was a mantra. You know, it's the process that's important. Yes, we want to have a good show. But ultimately, when you're in 20 years, 30 years, kids, you're going to look back at this, you're going to remember that, yeah, that was a good show. But what you're really going to remember is the process of. And the creativity and the bonding with each other and the learning. So, you know, if I. If that's good enough for me to tell the kids, then I have to offer that to myself as well. And so I have across the board with my gardening or my mosaics or my writing or, you know, all the way across the board.

Speaker B: Yeah, mosaics. I gotta tell you, I visited Steph, and I'm looking at this backsplash. I'm like, oh, my God, Stephanie, that's so beautiful. Where did you get that? She goes, oh, no, I made it. I'm like, you're killing me. It's really lovely. So what drew you to just give that a go?

Speaker C: Well, I had a big wall behind the sink was kind of peeling away. It's an old house, right. And I would like to redo everything. But I thought, well, I've already successful, you know, doing some little planters and some little this and that. And so I have a friend that has done her. All of her backyard is like mosaic. And so she kind of showed me how she did that. And I thought, well, it's better than what's there, you know, better than paper. A, uh. Few people have asked me, like, weren't you afraid? Did you make this first and then put it up there? I said, no, I just put it on there. And I didn't really have a pattern. I just kind of did it. You know, I don't know. It's the same thing. You know what I mean? How bad could it be? You know, if it doesn't work, take it off and do it again or call somebody who knows how to do it better than you. And you know what I mean? Like, yeah, why not give it a try?

Speaker B: Yeah. Another thing that I was so impressed by is some of the sketching and mosaic work fall into this. But you started doing things that you weren't able to do because you were working 60 hour weeks, right? With everything. And you created a book club. You're like, well, this I didn't ever get to experience this. I'm going to create a book club. Uh, I love it because so many of us just think about things and we don't just put them into action. You did. What compelled you to do this? And what was the process like for you? And are you enjoying it?

Speaker C: Oh, yeah. It's been almost a year that we've been meeting now, and it's a great thing. I've always been a reader. I've always got at least a couple of books going on at a time. A Kindle, a paperback, an audiobook. And so I just asked my friend who's a librarian, who retired with me, do you want to start a book club? And so we put it together. So she and I did it together. And it's, it's just a great group of people and it's been really fun and I'm enjoying it a lot. But one of the things you said about retirement, I guess my real feeling about it, if I've wanted to try something for a long time, and it's not like I'm waiting and waiting, waiting until I retire, but I made a list of what are the things I haven't been able to do that I always thought I would want to. And so it kind of just checking those off, if I'm not going to do it now, when am I going to do it? You know what I mean? Like, so why not? So the book club was successful. I also started. You probably want to talk about this, uh, a journal club, because I've been doing a lot of journaling and that one did not succeed. So sometimes you succeed and sometimes you don't. It's not that people don't like each other or didn't want to get together. They just got busy and it kind of fizzled out. And so that isn't happening anymore. But I joined a national book club of sorts. And we meet on Zoom once a month. And I Journal, um, almost daily with prompts from them. And so, you know, I mean, like, you can find it somewhere. You can find, um, that part to feed whatever it is that you want to be creative with or expressive with. If you just keep trying things.

Speaker B: You know, in business they say 80% of what you do doesn't work. You make your money on the 20% that does. Right. And failure is not the opposite of success. It's actually part of it. And you have given yourself such freedom to go. That could be cool, or maybe it's not. But I won't know unless I try.

Speaker C: Right, right.

Speaker B: Which I think is so good. And you know, on that note, when people talk about self care, oh, I'm going to eat right, I'm going to exercise. But there's so much more to it than that. What all, uh, would you throw into your self care bucket?

Speaker C: Well, that's interesting because about 20 years or so ago I was getting some counseling, as I recommend people do when they feel the need. And one of the things, the therapist, you know, what do you do for self care? And I was, I said, I don't even know what you're talking about. I don't know how to answer that. Um, because, you know, I take care of myself. I eat night, sleep and I drink tea and I, you know, my kids, uh, and you know, whatever I said, well, you mean like painting your nails? I mean like I did, I had to reach for things like, do I do I do anything. So I think self care can manifest in a lot of ways. I don't necessarily think that it has to be like massages and, you know, hot tubs. It can look like that. It can look like trying a new hairstyle or that kind of thing. For me, really, self care is allowing myself that time to be creative. And because I have had a career that was extremely creative, I was maybe always allowing myself self care, but taking care of other people at the same time, I don't really know. I didn't feel like I was losing out on an opportunity for self care. I just felt like I was able to be creative. And that's a thing about retirement. I think that I, I was scared of what happens when I don't have that anymore because that's been my identity for so long. So, yeah, filling in those empty spots. Yeah, well.

Speaker B: And you know, a lot of people experience the, uh, okay, I've left my working world, but who am I without the title? That was my identity and they're lost for a while.

Speaker C: I did feel that, you Know, the first six months were rough. I'm not gonna lie. I didn't know. You know what? And then I also kept thinking, oh, this caregiving thing is going to consume me, and I just. I can't let it. But it's also okay to grieve that part, because that part I loved, you know? I mean, I. That was sad. It was sad for me to say goodbye to those kids. I miss the kids like crazy still, you know, Although my last ones are graduating this year, so, uh, it might be a little bit easier since I don't know them.

Speaker B: Oh, true, true.

Speaker C: Yeah. I think it's okay to have those feelings about making. Transitioning into a new chapter of your life, which is what this is, you know?

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker C: Will I like it? Will I not like it? How will I like the ending? This, you know, I mean, we don't know what the ending is, so.

Speaker B: No, but I so appreciate that you've not gone. Okay, well, in retirement, I'm supposed to take up golf, and I've got to do this. And I've got. It's like, yeah, no, that is different for all of us. And I lead a number of C suite groups. And it's interesting to me because I didn't connect all these dots between the different groups, but they're all like, yeah, I want to redefine what retirement is. Is. I don't want retirement to, you know, so it's really different for every single one of us.

Speaker C: It is, yes. And golf was on my list, by the way. My doctor told me I couldn't because I have a little back issue, but that's okay. That's okay.

Speaker B: That's all right. Yeah, there's a lot more fun things.

Speaker C: I got other stuff going on.

Speaker B: No, but I mean, really talking about self care, starting a book club falls into that category for you because it's something you've always wanted to do, you love to do.

Speaker C: Right, exactly.

Speaker B: Want listeners to expand their thinking of what self care is. It's community. The people that you bring around you, you know, the permission you give yourself to experiment. And if it doesn't come out, that's all right. We'll do something else, you know?

Speaker C: Right. So, you know, I had a very active career because I still choreographed. I worked on the third floor and there. I didn't take the elevator, you know, I mean, I walked so many stuff. Over 10,000 a day. Just fifth at my job. So pretty active. So when that stopped too, I thought, oh, am I just gonna, like, my body gonna fall apart? So I Started going to the gym, there's a local gym and that's uh, self care as well. Made a bunch of friends in my classes that I take there and you know. Yeah, it's a lot of different things. I agree.

Speaker B: What would you say now that you're in the groove and you understand how the self care portion? Because I remember self care, 30 hours a week, my job, you know, 50, 60, not easy, right? But now that you know how that

Speaker C: can work, what's your favorite part of the new life?

Speaker B: Mhm.

Speaker C: I think that my favorite part is trying some new creative things. I have a garden in the backyard and I've always taken care of it, but now I can really go out whenever I want to. It has taken me some time to get used to not having to be someplace place at the same time. So I have put myself on a somewhat of a schedule and it's not that I have to do it or I'm mad at myself, but you know, I wake up in the morning, I drink my coffee, my tea, I go to the gym, I do my journaling, I take the dog for a walk, you know, I mean, I have kind of a routine and then the rest of it is, you know, just see what happens.

Speaker B: I tell you what, for all of you that are listening, I have envied Stephanie's garden for years because she'll go, oh, I just harvested our artichokes and I'm like, like no, no, no, I want some of them. I literally have killed cactuses. So that kind of green thumb has not really been blessed with me. But the things you do and the joy that it brings you, you know, I see it as, oh my God, that is so much work. You see it as, oh no, those are my babies.

Speaker C: Those are my babies. Yeah, I go out and take care of them. Yeah.

Speaker B: Oh my heavens, I love it. I wish I had the green thumb. But I don't, I don't. I've got so many questions I want to ask you, but I mindful of

Speaker C: time mixing the creative mediums, that's the word I want is interesting to me. For example, I have this very large, you know, vegetable garden and flowers and all that. And my daughter and her boyfriend are visiting from New York and we're going to make mosaic stepping stones for the garden. Do you know what I mean? So like, how can I mix all these things? That's a fun thing too.

Speaker B: So you're creating experiences along with the memories, you know, and creating something that you love. I can't wait to see the whole backyard mosaic, you know, I can see that happening over the course of time. That's just me. So, I mean, I want to say, what's the one thing you want our listeners to walk away with? What's the gift that you've been given that you can let them know exists for them too?

Speaker C: Well, I think that it's okay if you don't know what's going to happen, because none of us know what's going to happen. We all think we have to have, like, it figured out and we really. They don't. If you just keep putting, you know, one foot in front of the other and feeding your soul and feeding your heart and whatever that looks like. If you like science, do something sciency, go volunteer somewhere. If you like books and you want to volunteer at the library and read the kids, you know, whatever it looks like. It doesn't have to be making art. That just has been something that's been fun for me. But I think there's something out there for everyone. You just kind of have to maybe make a list of all the things that you think you might like to do and just start. Start trying them out.

Speaker B: Yes. And along with that, I'm curious. I think I know what the answer will be. But as you've entered into this next phase and for those that are still working, right, that are living more into wisdom, what's your barometer on what other

Speaker C: people will think about me?

Speaker B: Yeah, just in general, you're trying all these new things. One thing worked, one thing didn't. Do you have any of that? Well, what will people think?

Speaker C: How old? I was gonna say. Oh, uh, that's why I'm surprised. I don't care. I don't know. I don't. I don't know. I mean, my kids, I don't really think that they'll give it a second thought, honestly, because they all have their own stuff too. So, I mean, I guess if I was going to try to open up an art studio and put my stuff out there, then I might start wondering, like, what would they think? You know? But I'm doing it for me. I'm doing all the creative stuff for me, I'll tell you. You know, as a theater teacher, I taught writing for many years and script writing. And so I always did think, oh, I probably have a script in me, you know. And so that's another thing that I started doing and that has morphed into. I've actually submitted a couple of short one acts to festivals. I'm in a kind of A national support group for playwrights. And all of the playwrights, except for me are published. So that's a little intimidating only to have them read it and, like, okay, well, somebody who knows what they're doing is reading something I wrote. They're nice and they value me and they help me to learn. And you know what I mean? I just think it's okay. Okay to try new things. It's actually not okay. It's really imperative. You need to try new things. And that's the way we grow in life, and that's the way we don't stagnate.

Speaker B: Yep. Yep.

Speaker C: It doesn't really matter what anybody else does.

Speaker B: It doesn't. It doesn't. But we all get caught up with that. And so one of my favorite things about aging has been the wisdom I get to live in now. And, uh, you know, they're probably not going to give it a second thought. You know, they got their own stuff. Right.

Speaker C: You really are thinking about me.

Speaker B: I know, but, you know, we get caught up in our head. It's got to be perfect. What about. And the truth of the matter is it doesn't.

Speaker C: No, that's not. In fact, you know, you're perfect in your imperfection. I used to tell my kids I only asked for one thing, and that was perfection. And then they would get all freaked out. And I said, because when you are perfect, when you're finding your perfection is when you are present and you were doing your best, that is your perfection. And that was a really cool thing that our whole department really bought into. Are you perfect? I'm perfect. I'm trying my best, you know, So

Speaker B: I say I'm perfectly imperfect in every way. Yeah, but I like the way you put that well. And you've had a number of students that have gone on and done really well.

Speaker C: I have. I have. I have a famous, famous rap star who is still out there rapping. I have a student that's been on Broadway. I have musicians. I have writers. My own two kids are still in the performing arts and making, you know, career with that. Uh, I've had a little bit of everything. I'm a big list maker, and I actually have a list of kids, and there's probably about 15 or 20 of them who are out there in the world. I have one that's a general manager of a professional theater, you know, in Santa Barbara. So, I mean, like, they're the gamut. Technicians, costumers, writers, performers. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker B: And I think our listeners can get a feel for who Stephanie is and how you would interact with your students in such a way that you've created ripples. Because. Because they're now going to go out and treat people, uh, respect.

Speaker C: And honestly, that's something that was hard about retirement, too, because I can't change the world. I'm not. I don't know about you, but I'm not that happy with some of the things that are happening in the world. And, you know, always. No matter who's in charge. But I always felt like when I went to work, I could make a little bit of a difference because I could go in there, I could be positive, maybe there would be a ripple effect. And having that stripped away from my identity has been maybe the most challenging thing, because now I'm doing things for myself. Off.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker C: How does that change the world? It doesn't, but that's okay. I also keep saying, you know what? It's a youngin's time. It's their time to step up.

Speaker B: Well, that's true, but also, you're making a difference on this podcast episode. No, truly. It's the way you live your life, Steph, that has people kind of go, oh, I can exhale. That's lovely. I can try this. And if it works, great. And if it doesn't, great, Right? That is a gift. So just know that just by being you, you are changing the world. You're changing your world, which changes the world. Right. Anyway, you can tell I love this woman, right? All right, so I've got some rapid fire questions for us. You ready?

Speaker C: Okay. Uh, okay.

Speaker B: What surprised you most about your journey to achieve all that you have rapid fire?

Speaker C: Uh, what surprised me most? That it worked. That it worked. And that I am, um. Uh, I'm pretty happy. Yeah, I'm grate. Well, surprised to be this grateful, you know?

Speaker B: Yeah. So what's the advice you'd give your younger self if you could roll back time?

Speaker C: You're on the right path, keep going even when you don't succeed in the way that you think it was going to look. You don't know what is behind the door that you're walking through right now.

Speaker B: Uh, again, take a breath. Take that in. That was really powerful. All right, so we've touched on a bunch of things, but what do you do for fun?

Speaker C: I just told you all the things I do.

Speaker B: Uh, I know.

Speaker C: Besides all my art. Well, I love to read. I have a little dog that's laying down next to me right now. I love my dog. I love my. I have two kids and I adore them. I am gonna be celebrating my 5th year wedding anniversary tonight. I love my husband. And Dodgers. I love the Dodgers. And it's baseball season.

Speaker B: Oh, my gosh. You are too much fun. I love it. So what's the life lesson that you're most grateful for?

Speaker C: I think that it's most important to just breathe, you know, just take in what life's handing you. Even the hard things in life can be beautiful if you allow yourself to learn the lessons that you're supposed to and maybe just letting go of the what you think it's supposed to look like and being grateful for what you have.

Speaker B: Okay, I don't know if you have one, but if you do, what's your mantra?

Speaker C: I have many, so I do have one. Claire would know. My daughter Claire would be able to tell you as well. No rain, no rainbows.

Speaker B: I love that. I love that.

Speaker C: What's yours?

Speaker B: And what a beautiful way to end this podcast episode. What's my mantra? Well, I've already shared one of you, and that's commit to the action, let go. Uh, the outcome. Right. There's a freedom that comes with that. And honestly, I want the listeners to just take a second and look at what you've created. It's all on a foundation of permission and freedom. You know, I mean, just peeling away the shoulds. Don't should yourself. Right. You know?

Speaker C: Right. And not being afraid of failing and not being afraid of the rain. Rain. You know, the rain. No rain, no rainbows. It's okay. It's part of it. It's hard to see when you're in the middle of it, but part of it.

Speaker B: I love it. I got chills. Okay. Steph, thank you for coming. And. And one of the things I've always loved about Stephanie, she's just real. She just real. And she gave that to you today. I hope you caught that and appreciate that and perhaps apply some of that to you in your life as well. But I really appreciate it and I want everybody to know. In the show notes, I will have the link to the sketchbook that Stephanie has used and her full bio and all that kind of stuff will be down there. While you're checking out the show notes, hit subscribe. That way you'll know when the next episode comes out. And until then, I wish you big success in all that you do.

Speaker A: Thanks for listening to Notable Leaders Radio. If you're finding value here, you can help us in bringing you more of this show by going to itunes and leaving a rating for more leadership resources and links to our social media. Visit us online at notableleadersradio. Com. Thanks for listening. See you next week. Copyright 2021by Belinda Prine. All rights reserved.